Question about physically maturing dd's...

[Julie in CA]

Did you tell your dh when your dd started menstruating?

[Aggie]

Yes.

 

As a warning.:D

[Impish]

:iagree:What she said :lol:

[melissel]

Well, this hasn't happened yet here, but I definitely plan to when the event occurs, because he's their father and deserves to know. IMO, it's an important detail, healthcare-wise and from emotional and developmental perspectives. I know my mom told my dad when I started--not that he came to me and chatted about it, but I knew he'd been told.

[melissel]

Yes.

 

As a warning.:D

 

:smilielol5: Yes, there's that aspect too!

[Lawana]

Yes. He wanted to know and she wanted him to know. But she wanted me to do the telling.;)

[justamouse]

Yes.

 

As a warning.:D

 

Yep!

[MotherMayI]

When the time comes I will. My mother did not tell my dad. He and I went on a trip together and I needed feminine hygiene products...I was so embarrassed to say something to my dad. It was awful. I will also be sure that the topic is not taboo.

[LauraGB]

Yes. I hated the whole taboo secrecy thing when I was growing up and I really didn't want my daughter to feel that way. It's a big deal and should be respected as such. Good grief, half the population suffers from this particular ailment :D.

[littleWMN]

Well, this hasn't happened yet here, but I definitely plan to when the event occurs, because he's their father and deserves to know. IMO, it's an important detail, healthcare-wise and from emotional and developmental perspectives. I know my mom told my dad when I started--not that he came to me and chatted about it, but I knew he'd been told.

 

:iagree: I can't think of a reason not to tell.

[hillfarm]

I expect dd will want to announce it at the top of her lungs. I have promised that she can get her ears pierced when she starts and so at 11yo she has been looking at cute earrings and lamenting that she has to wait. "But what if I don't start until I'm 30?", she complained last week. She is looking forward to it!;)

[fairfarmhand]

yep. He didn't mention it to her (she would have been mortified had he mentioned it) , but I figured he should know. none of us are immortal. If something were to happen to me, he needs to know some stuff.

[JVA]

That must sound weird!

 

We have a big age spread in our children. When I was in the hospital, recovering from having given birth to our youngest son, our daughter, age 14, started. He brought all the children to the hospital the next morning to see their new baby brother and told me that she had something to tell me. She was relieved when Daddy took her brothers out of my room and we could talk. She'd felt comfortable with her dad to share it with him. He found some sanitary n......... in our bathroom for her.

 

The next week, with me home, her having started, our DOG went into heat! One evening, things were a little stressful- regular life had kicked in with baseball practice, piano lessons, schoolwork etc..... and my husband came in our room, running his fingers through his hair and said "Every female in this house is bl$$ding! The emotions are running high!" It's one of my favorite funny stories about having 4 boys and only one daughter. I guess I'm the only one who sees the humor. I was just thankful that we were all doing something completely natural and could be together in our family and that hubby is such a caring and wonderful provider.

[Tangerine]

 

and my husband came in our room, running his fingers through his hair and said "Every female in this house is bl$$ding! The emotions are running high!"

:D That's a great story.

[melissel]

That must sound weird!

 

We have a big age spread in our children. When I was in the hospital, recovering from having given birth to our youngest son, our daughter, age 14, started. He brought all the children to the hospital the next morning to see their new baby brother and told me that she had something to tell me. She was relieved when Daddy took her brothers out of my room and we could talk. She'd felt comfortable with her dad to share it with him. He found some sanitary n......... in our bathroom for her.

 

The next week, with me home, her having started, our DOG went into heat! One evening, things were a little stressful- regular life had kicked in with baseball practice, piano lessons, schoolwork etc..... and my husband came in our room, running his fingers through his hair and said "Every female in this house is bl$$ding! The emotions are running high!" It's one of my favorite funny stories about having 4 boys and only one daughter. I guess I'm the only one who sees the humor. I was just thankful that we were all doing something completely natural and could be together in our family and that hubby is such a caring and wonderful provider.

 

That really is the sweetest story! My DH does not bat an eye at things like that, thankfully. He was raised by his mom after his dad passed away when he was a child, and she was always very frank with her boys. Now, the Diva cup discussion was a little odd for him, I'll admit...

[ThatCyndiGirl]

I can't think of a reason NOT to tell him.

 

??

 

Yes, I told my dh. To me it was one more developmental milestone. He's her father. He would want to/did want to know.

[Julie in CA]

I can't think of a reason NOT to tell him.

 

??

 

Well, I remember thinking that my first period meant that I was becoming even more an adult, and that some things are just *private*. I think of it not so much as a "taboo" subject, but rather one where I should not intrude upon my dd's privacy. I can tell from the unanimous opinion here that I should rethink that though. :001_smile:

 

Meant to add...dd was very open about it with me, and is very open with my dh about many things, but still has a strong sense of her private life, kwim?

Edited April 9, 2010 by Julie in CA

[Aggie]

Well, I remember thinking that my first period meant that I was becoming even more an adult, and that some things are just *private*. I think of it not so much as a "taboo" subject, but rather one where I should not intrude upon my dd's privacy. I can tell from the unanimous opinion here that I should rethink that though. :001_smile:

 

Meant to add...dd was very open about it with me, and is very open with my dh about many things, but still has a strong sense of her private life, kwim?

 

You know, I kind of felt betrayed when my mom told my dad because I am a very private person and was back then, too. It seemed she was invading my privacy, for some reason.

 

However, as a parent, I think we both need to know certain things. I was serious about telling dh as a warning...pms can get very ugly around here! And like pp said, dh might need to know someday and it's better that he's somewhat prepared.

 

Why don't you talk to your dd, tell her your dh needs to know, and either you or she can tell him?

[HRAAB]

Of course. Menstruation is no big deal and not taboo. For us, it's a fact of life and actually, something to celebrate. We often joke about my dh being the only male among a bunch PMSing females.

[Daisy]

Yes, I told my husband but I tried to keep it low-key. Daughter wanted him to know but didn't want Dad saying anything to her about it because she was rather embarrassed by the idea of him knowing.

 

So he knows.

 

She knows he knows.

 

He knows that she knows that he knows.

 

And everyone is happy. :D

[Tap]

When dd starts I'll tell dh but it will be pretty obvious when supplies start showing up again. I haven't had a cycle in 6+ years so there isn't anything left in my house.

 

 

My mom didn't even know when I started. I bought my own supplies and I think it was about a year or two later she asked me about i. I was the baby of 4 sisters, so you would think that it was a common topic in my house. Nope. Bodily functions were.not.discussed.ever. I learned all I knew from sex ed in school.

[Mommyfaithe]

yes...and he bought them flowers and personal chocolate.

:D

Faithe

[forevergrace]

Dd wants so badly to get her period. She's only 10!!! However, two of her friends have both started in the last several months. She has shown dh arm-pit hair, or what she thinks is hair, (I try not to laugh at her) she only has peach-fuzz. But, she regularly breaks into conversations about puberty. You would of thought the whole world stopped when she got her first bra, with hooks, (her friends convinced her it wasn't a bra if it didn't have hooks). I don't want to break her bubble, but I didn't start until I was 15. This would just kill her, to think she'd have to wait that long. Both dh and I have noticed how much more sensitive she has been in the last months. Anything at certain times of the months will set off a stream of tears. I've told dh not to even look the wrong way at her several times. This passage of rites has evolved so much since my time, I was terribly embarrassed to even talk about it. I didn't even tell my mother until the next day. Dd has had much more love and freedom, we are also definitely less sham-based about our bodies then my parents.

Forevergrace

[texasmama]

Yes, I told him. I think I felt that to keep it a secret made it seem "dirty" or bad in some way. Neither of them wants to discuss it with the other, but they both know that the other knows.

[8circles]

I can't think of a reason NOT to tell him.

 

??

 

Yes, I told my dh. To me it was one more developmental milestone. He's her father. He would want to/did want to know.

:iagree:

[Mejane]

If I remember correctly, my daughter announced it to the household in general. We have very few secrets here. :bigear:

[Sara in AZ]

I will definitely tell dh. But I do remember being completely mortified when my mother told my father. Of course, I felt mortified that I had to tell my mother. Adolescence in general was just mortifying for me.

[wapiti]

I was just thinking about this tonight, as dd, who is only 9, has been acting really strange the last few days, and the only way I can describe it is hormonal. I didn't start till I was 14 so I would expect it'll be a long while yet for her. But oh golly now I'm afraid :lol:

 

My advice is to tell DH but not the rest of the family. I started in the fall, and at Thanksgiving my older brother arrived home from college with a couple of buddies and announced to me, in front of them, that they had a party in my honor when I "became a woman". Talk about mortified. I blame my mother - can't keep her mouth shut.

 

yes...and he bought them flowers and personal chocolate.

:D

Faithe

Awww. Very sweet. That sounds like something my DH would do.

[Julie in CA]

Just to make sure I have it straight--not one person here feels like it's her body, and her decision whether to disclose personal details? It feels a bit disrespectful to insist that someone else (even her dad) must have that information. I can't imagine why he'd need to specifically know that particular detail.

[LibraryLover]

Is this a trick question? ;)

[Desert Rat]

I don't have girls but I am one. :o I didn't mind my mom telling my dad but when she got on the horn and called all her sisters and friends, well, then I had a bit of a problem.

 

A sweet story about my dad....I was new to the whole period thing and started at school one day with no products. I had to call my dad to bring me not only a change of underclothes and pants but feminine products. I told them where they were in my room. He brought them to me and gave me hug and didn't say a word. I was so grateful for that silence. We are both private people and he knew how mortified I was. I love my dad!

[LauraGB]

Just to make sure I have it straight--not one person here feels like it's her body, and her decision whether to disclose personal details? It feels a bit disrespectful to insist that someone else (even her dad) must have that information. I can't imagine why he'd need to specifically know that particular detail.

 

I guess since Dad helped make her...:leaving:

 

See, I guess, if Dad didn't want to know, I'd be upset and annoyed. If dd didn't want to tell Dad, I'd think it was immaturity and misconception.

 

So, I think I'm with LL - is this a trick question? :D

[bugs]

My daughter was so comfortable and excited about this new phase of her life she told her dad, her aunts, her friends (female & male), my firiends, etc. It was just one week before her 13th birthday.

 

I would have told my husband if she hadn't because he is her father.

 

My mother was VERY open about all bodily functions that I then became very shy about them. I've worked on trying to strike up a balance with my kids by just being matter of fact. Because really, it is just a matter of fact.

[Aggie]

Just to make sure I have it straight--not one person here feels like it's her body, and her decision whether to disclose personal details? It feels a bit disrespectful to insist that someone else (even her dad) must have that information. I can't imagine why he'd need to specifically know that particular detail.

 

I really see both sides, Julie. It is a personal, private thing if you happen to be a private person. (And I am, so I really understand this part!)

 

But it's also just a fact of life. Like a pp said, "one half of the population is afflicted.":001_smile:

 

My dh works at the ER. The first question they ask any young lady is the date of the last period. If something happened and dh had to take dd to the ER, knowing whether or not she's at least started might be helpful. It will also be something her physician will need to know at the next check-up.

 

Is she opposed to her dad knowing, for some reason?

[fivetails]

*changed my mind about discussing this* :)

Edited April 10, 2010 by fivetails

[Mom-ninja.]

My advice is to tell DH but not the rest of the family. I started in the fall, and at Thanksgiving my older brother arrived home from college with a couple of buddies and announced to me, in front of them, that they had a party in my honor when I "became a woman". Talk about mortified. I blame my mother - can't keep her mouth shut.

 

That's pretty bad. I can feel your mortification oh so well. The day after I started I was sitting in the living room along with my older brother and his friend, watching TV. My mom comes prancing into the room with a (I will never forget) Always for Teens pad in her hand. She happily announces that they have a dry weave cover while she unwraps it right there. The she proceeds to pour her coke onto the pad, and tells me to feel the top so I could see how the top was dry. I sat there shocked and wanting to die. My poor brother and his friend were trying so hard to make themselves magically disappear. It was awful for all of us except my mom. Yep, she's something.

 

 

OP, I do think a dad should know. Talk to your dd first. Maybe her knowing that her dad won't actually want to talk to her about it will help her feel better?

Edited April 10, 2010 by Kleine Hexe

[Mabelen]

My advice is to tell DH but not the rest of the family. I started in the fall, and at Thanksgiving my older brother arrived home from college with a couple of buddies and announced to me, in front of them, that they had a party in my honor when I "became a woman". Talk about mortified. I blame my mother - can't keep her mouth shut.

 

 

We have decided we will follow my dh's cultural custom of having a ritual/party when my dds get their first menses. It will involve close family, not just her parents and sister, but also aunt, uncle and older male cousin (the only family nearby) and it will be part of the family news at large (in all corners of the globe). My 13 yo is aware of these plans and is OK with it, she knows of family friends who flew for their niece's party etc, she knows that her dad used to "want" to be a girl when he was a little boy because of this particular ritual. I am happy that she is comfortable with this part of her cultural heritage.

[Julie in CA]

I guess since Dad helped make her...:leaving:

 

See, I guess, if Dad didn't want to know, I'd be upset and annoyed. If dd didn't want to tell Dad, I'd think it was immaturity and misconception.

 

So, I think I'm with LL - is this a trick question? :D

What kind of trick question could this possibly be? :confused:

Perhaps I'm not explaining the alternate viewpoint very well? It's not that I'm disagreeing with everyone, just making sure I understand. I'm trying to respect my dd and leave it up to her how much to disclose, and to whom. She's not embarrassed or immature, just a bit more private. She's not hiding it, just telling on a "need to know" basis, kwim?

 

As far as dad wanting to know, He wouldn't mind knowing, but he also, above all, would want to respect her feelings about what's happening to her body. I'm sure he will know eventually, because he'd assume I'd tell him if there were a problem with it not appearing when it should.

 

Anyway...thanks for the perspective. That's why I asked. :001_smile:

[LauraGB]

Oh, Julie, I didn't mean to sound crass - I sincerely apologize if I did.

 

I guess in the end it does need to be left up to what your dd is comfortable with. But also, out of respect for Dad, he should also be able to respect and recognize this milestone. I'm not sure I understand not telling him. It's a big deal in a girl's life and while I don't necessarily think there should be balloons and a surprise party, I do think it should be recognized by the important people ( and men ) in her close, personal life.

[Julie in CA]

I really see both sides, Julie. It is a personal, private thing if you happen to be a private person. (And I am, so I really understand this part!)

 

But it's also just a fact of life. Like a pp said, "one half of the population is afflicted.":001_smile:

 

My dh works at the ER. The first question they ask any young lady is the date of the last period. If something happened and dh had to take dd to the ER, knowing whether or not she's at least started might be helpful. It will also be something her physician will need to know at the next check-up.

 

Is she opposed to her dad knowing, for some reason?

No, she's not opposed, exactly, she's just always been very independent and fairly introspective.

 

Thank you for pointing out an objective reason why dh should be told. I'll gently encourage her in the reasons why I *should* tell dh...but I think I may still let her decide--at least for now.

 

Oh, and also, thanks for not thinking I'm nuts for respecting her privacy. :001_smile:

[wapiti]

What kind of trick question could this possibly be? :confused:

Perhaps I'm not explaining the alternate viewpoint very well? It's not that I'm disagreeing with everyone, just making sure I understand. I'm trying to respect my dd and leave it up to her how much to disclose, and to whom. She's not embarrassed or immature, just a bit more private. She's not hiding it, just telling on a "need to know" basis, kwim?

 

As far as dad wanting to know, He wouldn't mind knowing, but he also, above all, would want to respect her feelings about what's happening to her body. I'm sure he will know eventually, because he'd assume I'd tell him if there were a problem with it not appearing when it should.

 

Anyway...thanks for the perspective. That's why I asked. :001_smile:

I think you are very wise.

 

Personally, I'm torn between the fact that I am very private and did not want my dad to know anything about it, and the fact that it's hard to imagine not sharing such a monumental aspect of our dd's life with DH. (They are very close. However, she is rather introverted like me.) Maybe I could tell him secretly but not tell her that I told him? That sounds like lying... hmmm.... (thinking out loud here) (maybe I'll wait and figure it out when it happens - hopefully not for another five years :) )

[JeneralMom]

I am extremely private and did not want anyone to know because it is my body and my business. I did not tell my mother when it first happened and then I didn't get another one for a year (I started when I was 16). I was mortified when she told my father because she has betrayed my trust - I had specifically asked her to keep it private. I then went on to hear her tell all her relatives, friends and even the Avon lady.

 

I will leave the decision up to my daughters. They have (even at 3 and 1) a much different family vibe and relationship to us than I did with my parents. I assume that they will be open with us and won't care whether he knows. I guess I should ask my DH his opinion.

 

Also, I do not think it it is taboo, but I do think I should (as should my daughters) decide who I want to share personal information with. It was also just not something my friends and I discussed too often, other than a casual reference to PMS or how much they hated me because I have never had cramps or PMS or mood swings.

[PollyOR]

First, DH deserves a warning, since he's the only guy in the family. This is done in private.

 

Second, dd suffers with depression and during pms and her cycle she can have extreme lows. Dad needs to be looking out for her mental health also.

 

My DH takes the girls on overnight trips without me. He needs to know. It never fails that dd is having her cycle when they do one of these weekend trips. He's not eager to hear the details but I think he understands that they may need to ask him for help (finding a bathroom at an inopportune time etc.). It hasn't always turned out well, especially when dd was young (started at 11 1/2).

 

When my almost 12yodd started, I was very excited for her. She was mortified that I shared with many of the female members of our family. Hey, my mom is a nurse (hospital then director of nursing in county health dept.). We did NOT keep secrets growing up. We discussed STD's over dinner quite regularly.

 

I talk to dad in private. They are aware. Mostly, it's a mommy/daughter thing.

[AndyJoy]

I would consider dad a "need to know" person so he wouldn't be blindsided by any of the variety of situations that could arise. I completely understand and respect your thoughts about keeping your daughter's life private, which is why I wouldn't go telling my friends about it without her permission. I can't believe all the things the ladies at my church tell about their kids (and husbands)! I would be mortified if I were talked about in that much detail! I plan to be much more discreet with what I tell people about my kids.

 

My mom told my dad when I got my period, and told me that he knew. I was both glad she told him and embarrassed at the time. It made things easier that he knew.

 

For example:

 

I didn't use tampons as a teen. So when my dad wanted to take us swimming, I could simply say "not this week" and he immediately understood and didn't press the issue.

 

There were times that I needed to buy supplies when I was out with him, so I would say something like, "I need some money for 'girl stuff'." and he would understand and give me the money. He'd say, "I'll meet you at the front" so I could check out separately. Though I was somewhat embarrassed to face the checker anyway, at least I didn't have to do it with my dad there!:lol:

 

There was one incident where I leaked a bit of blood on my jeans and he had to take me home to change. It was nice to be able to just tell him why I needed to go home without having to get past the embarrassment of telling him out of the blue that I was having periods.

 

I got horrible cramps and nausea with my period and missed a day of school every 1-3 months. My dad knew about this and knew not to ask why I was sick, expect me to do certain things that day, etc.