s/o- How many of you have refused abortions?

[Remudamom]

When we found out I was carrying triplets the first thing the docs recommended was to murder one of them.

 

My first pregnancy the doc told us our child had been dead for two weeks, and they did a D&C. The next pregnancy he told us the same thing, and the nurses found a heartbeat. That child is now 21. Sometimes I'm haunted by the notion that the first child was not really dead.

[SproutMamaK]

Not a refused abortion, but I had the same thing you described. I was p/g with identical twins, and was told on the ultrasound (at 18 weeks) that neither of them had a heartbeat. I could have SWORN I felt them moving, before, during, and after the ultrasound. Obviously they weren't moving DURING it, so I told myself I was just making myself crazy. I will always wish that I had demanded a second ultrasound before having a D&C (I wouldn't miscarry naturally - we waited a LONG time for that to happen).

[Scarlett]

When we found out I was carrying triplets the first thing the docs recommended was to murder one of them.

 

My first pregnancy the doc told us our child had been dead for two weeks, and they did a D&C. The next pregnancy he told us the same thing, and the nurses found a heartbeat. That child is now 21. Sometimes I'm haunted by the notion that the first child was not really dead.

 

That same thing happened to a friend of my mom's 40 years ago. Doctor thought he found a tumor in her....for some reason I can't recall she asked for a second opinion and the 'tumor' was discovered to be a baby. Still sends chills down my spine.

[unsinkable]

When we found out I was carrying triplets the first thing the docs recommended was to murder one of them.

 

My first pregnancy the doc told us our child had been dead for two weeks, and they did a D&C. The next pregnancy he told us the same thing, and the nurses found a heartbeat. That child is now 21. Sometimes I'm haunted by the notion that the first child was not really dead.

 

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

I am so sorry!

 

I had a friend who got pregnant with an IUD in place. When the doc removed the IUD he said she'd probably lose the baby. The baby is done with college.

[unsinkable]

Hey, 1 star rater! come on in and let us know why this thread is terrible...

[Carol in Cal.]

We knew the baby was dead, though, based on the HCG readings. And then I had a miscarriage, which was really lengthy and difficult.

 

I also turned down amnio when I was 39. I took a lot of heat for that, but it was the best thing to do. I did have the blood test, but nothing invasive.

[Sandy in Indy]

I wasn't told by a medical professional, but when I was pregnant with our last at age 41, my sister told me I should abort "it" because of the risks and probability that something would be wrong. After informing me of all this on the phone, she sent a package. Then she called my mom and gave her all the possilbilites.

 

Besides the fact that I had researched all of that stuff myself...this was a planned pregnancy!

 

I love my sister dearly, but her actions caused a rift in our relationship for quite a while.

 

Then she told me at 3 that I should put him on Ritalin...

 

DS9 is perfectly healthy and a bright, happy, NORMAL little boy.

[Remudamom]

Not a refused abortion, but I had the same thing you described. I was p/g with identical twins, and was told on the ultrasound (at 18 weeks) that neither of them had a heartbeat. I could have SWORN I felt them moving, before, during, and after the ultrasound. Obviously they weren't moving DURING it, so I told myself I was just making myself crazy. I will always wish that I had demanded a second ultrasound before having a D&C (I wouldn't miscarry naturally - we waited a LONG time for that to happen).

 

I did have two, when they did the first one and found nothing they didn't tell me anything was wrong, and told me to come back in two weeks for another. I had no idea anything was wrong. They told me after the second one.

 

When we went in for a second u/s with the second pregnancy the nurse was telling us what was going on and she said "And here is the heart beating." We started whooping and she said "What did you expect?" When we told her what the doc had said she called his office up and REAMED them good. I mean she was mad.

[sleepymommy]

Did the doc give you a reason? Carrying triplets (or more) seems common these days. And many woman have babies now that are considered 'older'.

[Remudamom]

Did the doc give you a reason? Carrying triplets (or more) seems common these days. And many woman have babies now that are considered 'older'.

 

Nope. It was 16 years ago and I was 36. Our small hospital wouldn't touch me with a ten foot pole and sent me elsewhere.

[Jann in TX]

In some cases selective reduction can save the pregnancy... (I was a member of a well known fertility board for years --lots of stories there on both sides of the issue). It really comes down to a PERSONAL-PRIVATE choice between the couple and their Dr. It is a heartbreaking decision--but I do believe that it has SAVED lives in the case of extreme multiples. I'm also THANKFUL that I've never had to face this choice.

 

Prenatal care for multiple births has increased so much over the past 20 years--that the number of 'selective reductions' has dramatically DECREASED too. Preemie care has also increased. I know several NORMAL children who were born at 24 weeks...and 20 years ago they would have faced IMPOSSIBLE odds.

 

I have lost way too many babies mid-term. My first was dead for over 4 weeks before I naturally 'aborted' him... I was begging for a D&C--the ultra sounds I had every week CLEARLY showed a dead baby and the 'decay' (sorry for TMI here). I was VERY sick and it could have ended my fertility... Dr's claimed they just wanted to make 'sure' and the insurance did not want to pay (stupid HMO). With the others I always had a second ultrasound to confirm the baby had died...9 years ago I had one mid-term loss where the baby died during birth (he was sucking his thumb on the ultrasound 4 hours before I delivered him at home).

[Remudamom]

Jann, I'm sorry. That's so tough to deal with.

[Rich with Kids]

Hey, 1 star rater! come on in and let us know why this thread is terrible...

 

This is a painful subject. There are not enough women that get adequate counseling after the abortion. The longer they go, the worse it can get. Most women are diagnosed with PTSD. Sometimes 15 to 20 years after the abortion. There are some great recovery programs out there. It is a terrible thing, but it needs to be talked about, I believe. If this is the case with the 1 star rater, I hope she gets some help.

[emeraldjoy]

Me..!

They could not "find" our third. I had a previous tubal pregnancy that almost killed me and when I was about 5-6 weeks pregnant with our #3 child I went in and due to my past, had an immediate ultrasound. No baby in the uterus could be detected and I had an unknown substance filling my abdominal cavity. He suggested (and told me if I were his wife....) a low dose of chemo (common way to terminate a pregnancy at this stage) just to "be sure" that there was nothing wrong and it wasn't a tubal and I would simply expel the baby regardless of where the baby was.

 

I, of course, said no. He felt like it was an emergent situation and that we needed to take action immeditely and so he had me in surgery within hours. I consented but told him NOT to touch my uterus...that I believed the baby was fine.....

 

 

That baby is now a healthy, funny, intelligent, energetic, and loving 4 year old!!!!

 

still haunted by how easy it would have been......

 

emerald

[Remudamom]

Me..!

They could not "find" our third. I had a previous tubal pregnancy that almost killed me and when I was about 5-6 weeks pregnant with our #3 child I went in and due to my past, had an immediate ultrasound. No baby in the uterus could be detected and I had an unknown substance filling my abdominal cavity. He suggested (and told me if I were his wife....) a low dose of chemo (common way to terminate a pregnancy at this stage) just to "be sure" that there was nothing wrong and it wasn't a tubal and I would simply expel the baby regardless of where the baby was.

 

I, of course, said no. He felt like it was an emergent situation and that we needed to take action immeditely and so he had me in surgery within hours. I consented but told him NOT to touch my uterus...that I believed the baby was fine.....

 

 

That baby is now a healthy, funny, intelligent, energetic, and loving 4 year old!!!!

 

still haunted by how easy it would have been......

 

emerald

 

Wow, so the baby was there the whole time and they just couldn't find him??

[sassenach]

Not from a doctor, but from family. I was 16 when I became pregnant with my first. Both my grandmother and my mom (who were heavy influences in my life) told me to have an abortion. My dh (then boyfriend) and our friends talked me out of it. I don't think anyone, including my mom and gma, have ever regreted my decision. We were all just afraid.

[lionfamily1999]

:grouphug:

 

I've had docs recommend abortions for all three of my pregnancies, not for health, but because I was too young, financially incapable and had too many children already. None pushed it, most assumed I would and the last two were visibly relieved when I said 'no.'

 

I can't imagine the heartache.

 

:grouphug:

[Remudamom]

This is a painful subject. There are not enough women that get adequate counseling after the abortion. The longer they go, the worse it can get. Most women are diagnosed with PTSD. Sometimes 15 to 20 years after the abortion. There are some great recovery programs out there. It is a terrible thing, but it needs to be talked about, I believe. If this is the case with the 1 star rater, I hope she gets some help.

 

Absolutely. Can there be a more painful subject? I worry about it from time to time. Was my doctor lying? What if I had waited or refused the D&C? Is God going to hold me responsible, no matter what I was told/believed/would have done? If I'd had more knowledge/experience I would have refused.

[MomOfOneFunOne]

When we found out I was carrying triplets the first thing the docs recommended was to murder one of them.

 

My first pregnancy the doc told us our child had been dead for two weeks, and they did a D&C. The next pregnancy he told us the same thing, and the nurses found a heartbeat. That child is now 21. Sometimes I'm haunted by the notion that the first child was not really dead.

 

I'm speechless . . . Truly, I weep. :grouphug:

[emeraldjoy]

Yes! or at least he was somewhere safe.

When I was going through it and so scared and so sad....I prayed a lot....and I remember telling my mother...."I know G-d could just pluck that baby right out my tube and put him in my uterus..."

What struck me was how nonchalant (sp?) the doctor was about the option. He just assumed I would do it as so many before had....it really was the only "rational" option he presented. He made it sound just so easy and common and normal and obvious.

e

[Heather in WI]

Six years ago, at my 18 week ultrasound, we found out that our little baby boy had hydrops fetalis. We had an amnio done within 24 hours to determine the cause -- depending on the cause, there might be a way to treat it. The amnio came back with a non genetic cause which then prompted a PUBS (percutaneous umbilical blood sampling) procedure. We were really hoping for anemia because that could have been treated with an intrauterine fetal blood transfusion. Unfortuanately, it wasn't anemia. :-(

 

I was counseled, repeatedly, to "terminate the product of conception." At a Catholic hospital. Even after stating, repeatedly, this wasn't an option for me. :blink::crying:

 

We knew he was dying, either in utero or shortly after birth, and I couldn't imagine being the one to kill him. He was a very active baby ... constantly moving and kicking. I felt like screaming, "Really?? Would you like me to burn his skin off for you? Or stop his heart so you can dismember him?"

 

It was awful. We hoped for a miracle, but prepared for the worst. :crying:

 

He was stillborn December 23rd, 2003. He was 11 inches long and 2 pounds, 2.4 ounces.

 

To this day I am glad that I didn't murder him, but allowed the LORD to determine his life and death. I look forward to the day where I get to meet him in glory.

[Melinda in VT]

My last child received a fatal diagnosis at 11 weeks gestation and I was strongly encouraged to abort. (We even had it scheduled.)

 

When follow up tests did not confirm the diagnosis, I opted to continue with the pregnancy.

 

To be honest, I think if the diagnosis had been confirmed, I would have aborted, although I'll never know for sure. Likewise, I'm not sure what I would decide if the situation arose today.

[emeraldjoy]

Heather, stories such as yours are the brave ones. They too are the powerful ones.

 

Thanks so much for sharing.

 

It fascinates me to think about G-d's purposes how they come to fruition...even during the journeys that appears He has forsaken us on.

 

Six yego, at my 18 week ultrasound, we found out that our little baby boy had hydrops fetalis. We had an amnio done within 24 hours to determine the cause -- depending on the cause, there might be a way to treat it. The amnio came back with a non genetic cause which then prompted a PUBS (percutaneous umbilical blood sampling) procedure. We were really hoping for anemia because that could have been treated with an intrauterine fetal blood transfusion. Unfortuanately, it wasn't anemia. :-(

 

I was counseled, repeatedly, to "terminate the product of conception." At a Catholic hospital. Even after stating, repeatedly, this wasn't an option for me. :blink::crying:

 

We knew he was dying, either in utero or shortly after birth, and I couldn't imagine being the one to kill him. He was a very active baby ... constantly moving and kicking. I felt like screaming, "Really?? Would you like me to burn his skin off for you? Or stop his heart so you can dismember him?"

 

It was awful. We hoped for a miracle, but prepared for the worst. :crying:

 

He was stillborn December 23rd, 2003. He was 11 inches long and 2 pounds, 2.4 ounces.

 

To this day I am glad that I didn't murder him, but allowed the LORD to determine his life and death. I look forward to the day where I get to meet him in glory.

[1bassoon]

Just wanted to offer

 

 

:grouphug:

 

 

not only for you lovely women who have posted, but for those unnamed ones who had elective abortions and are hurting terribly.

 

I have become quite close with a woman who had an abortion when she was a teenager, and have seen her wrestle with grief and despair. She has found forgiveness and is ministering to others. . . . . .but it has been a hard road.

 

:grouphug:

[Quad Shot Academy]

My pregnancy with my first daughter was a nightmare. At 8 weeks I went to a new doctor and she told me that by the size of my uterus, the baby was not growing, and something was wrong. At 12 weeks, she said my uterus was even farther behind, but the heartbeat was great. At 16 weeks she told me the only explanation was that my child was horribly malformed, possibly missing all arms and legs. She would not do an ultrasound, because I would not agree to an abortion if something was wrong. She told me I would have to wait for my 20 week ultrasound just like everyone else. :glare:

 

I switched doctors and the new doctor got me into a level 2 ultra sound the first day I called on the phone. The technician kept coming in and out, taking pictures, talking to a mysterious DR. in another room, but they would not tell us anything. At my first prenatal with the new doctor she told me that my daughter was formed perfectly on the outside but was missing internal things like tubes and kidneys and something was wrong with her bowel. I had to wait until 20 weeks to see a high risk doctor, of course I started preterm labor in his office. :sad: He said my daughter was perfect! :hurray: Within a couple days I was in the hospital dilated to 2, in preterm labor. Their only goal was to get me to 28 weeks. To make a long story shorter, she was born at 37 weeks, weighing 7lbs 11oz and spent 9 days in the NICU for wet lungs. They never figured out what caused the wet lungs and she has never had pneumonia since. Of course I give credit to God for healing her in-untero, but who knows maybe ultrasounds are really not that accurate!

 

I will write another story about my best friend later, but the stair stepper is calling my name. :seeya:

[OnTheBrink]

This is a painful subject. There are not enough women that get adequate counseling after the abortion. The longer they go, the worse it can get. Most women are diagnosed with PTSD. Sometimes 15 to 20 years after the abortion. There are some great recovery programs out there. It is a terrible thing, but it needs to be talked about, I believe. If this is the case with the 1 star rater, I hope she gets some help.

 

:iagree::iagree::iagree:

 

Many Crisis pregnancy centers offer post abortion counseling. There are some excellent programs out there.

[Pink Fairy]

I have. My water broke when I was 19 weeks along. Doctors said I needed a miracle (literally) for him to survive, and that my life would be in some danger due to infection. The perinatologist recommended abortion, as it wouldn't be "fair" to my family to continue the pregnancy.

 

My little guy is now 2 1/2 years old, and the delight of our entire family. I spent the rest of the pregnancy in the hospital (three months), which was VERY difficult for me and my family. I think the fact that we all suffered so much, and wanted him so much, has made him very dear and very precious to us all. He is a wonderful boy, affectionate, kind, and funny, and joy he brings us is...well, I can't even explain the joy, it's so great, unlike anything I've ever experienced. It's not that we love him any more than the other kids, but when we look at him it's so easy to remember that he shouldn't be here, and we are soooooo blessed to have him.

[sleepymommy]

Nope. It was 16 years ago and I was 36. Our small hospital wouldn't touch me with a ten foot pole and sent me elsewhere.

:grouphug:

 

Back then it would have definitely been considered high risk, they probably wanted you to go to a specialist and to a hospital with more resources. More than likely it was standard procedure to present abortion as an option.

 

In med school, docs are always taught to save the mother first, then child. So it's kind of ingrained in them, they would be held responsible for the life of the mother otherwise, lawsuit wise.

 

Another:grouphug: for all the other mamas that have had to go through a decision such as this.

[Scarlett]

I was counseled, repeatedly, to "terminate the product of conception." At a Catholic hospital. Even after stating, repeatedly, this wasn't an option for me. :blink::crying:

 

This blows my mind. I am so so sorry for what you went through...

 

I was always led to believe a Catholic hospital won't do sterilization of any kind...but would counsel an abortion? :confused:

[sleepymommy]

I didn't have to make a choice like this medically, but both my MIL and sister wanted me to have an abortion with ds1. I was livid and very hurt at the same time.

[Tree House Academy]

My request wasn't by a medical professional...but when I was 19 and unmarried (and in college), I got pregnant with ds10. His dad and I had been dating all of 3 months. When my boyfriend (now ex husband) called his father to tell him the "news," the first thing his dad said was, "is abortion an option?" My ex and I both told him NO. He went on to support us tremendously, but I will never forget his first thought was for me to kill my baby.

 

Instead of abortion, we got married (that was a mistake) and we raised our son together for 3 years. We went our seperate ways in a very amicable divorce and we are still friends. :) My "baby" is now 10.5 years old. :)

[RoughCollie]

My doctor wanted me to have a selective reduction of one or two of the babies when I was pregnant with the boys.

 

DH and I were shocked and horrified. The doctor continued to inform us about the option after he heard our spontaneous and joint resounding NO! because he said it was his duty to do so.

 

At the time, we would have had to travel to either Detroit or Philly to have it done as there was no doctor in Mass who could (or would?) do it. We also lived a mile from several world-class Harvard Medical School hospitals, with level 3 NICUs, which the boys did need.

Edited January 27, 2010 by RoughCollie

[My3Boys]

I have never been told this myself, so no personal story to relate, but this thread does make me think of Tim Tebow's mom, who was told to abort after contracting some sort of illness while on the mission field. She refused, of course, and gave us the 2008 Heisman trophy winner and a wonderful witness with the way he lives his life and his commitment to his faith.

[AuntieM]

Wow, this is an emotional subject, across the board and for me, personally.

 

Like several of you, I had a pregnancy that I was told would end in miscarriage. I refused the D&C, and waited over two weeks. The dotor was nearing the "ultimatum" point, by Monday he would really want me in for the procedure. There was a part of me holding out hope that the doctor had been wrong, and part of me a bit afraid of all the horror stories of women bleeding out at home of getting infections from incomplete miscarriages. But I couldn't bring myself to take action against the mere possibility of life. At the beginning of my fourth month, I miscarried at home. It was the saddest time of my life. It was scary, and there were a couple of hours there that I thought I really should be n the emergency room. But everything worked out okay. All that to say, don't be so hard on yourself, Remuda. It's very difficult to know what to do when faced with such circumstances. God knows your heart.

 

For my 4th pregnancy, I found myself nearly unable to get a doctor to take me on as a patient. In my case, I was a 41 year old woman with a history of multiple births and a vertical incision in my uterus from a previous c-section. When I did find a provider, at our first meeting he let me know right off the bat that this pregnancy could kill me (not exactly an optimist, was he...). We would schedule a very early sonogram to check for multiples (a good possibility under the circumstances) and if that were the case, we'd have to talk about selective reduction.

 

I spent several weeks praying that there would be ONE HEALTHY BABY revealed on the day of the test. I could not face the thought of carrying multiples with a weary uterus. I could not even fathom the idea of a selective reduction. I was starting to compose my will and plan my funeral service.... truly! The day the first sonogram confirmed one well developing baby was the happiest of days.

 

One and only baby #4 arrived safe and healthy. I will never cease to be thankful for her and for God's care.

[dangermom]

With my first pregnancy, it was obvious at the first ultrasound that there was something very wrong. We were given the option to abort immediately or wait and see what happened. Within a week I was pretty sure the baby was gone, and another US a week or so after that confirmed it. I had to have a D&E, but I know he was gone, and waiting longer would have probably made me very ill from infection.

 

They offered me counseling with other folks who had aborted Down's Syndrome babies, someone at the office thought I'd done it too. :sad:

[Renai]

Yes. I was raped. The first words the doctor asked was if I wanted to "terminate the pregnancy." I nearly walked out on that doctor. My only child is now 10.

[Pretty in Pink]

I was 17 and halfway through my senior year when I got pregnant with my first child. My father offered (repeatedly) to pay for an abortion but I refused. Then, at 12 weeks I had my first prenatal appointment and an ultrasound to date the pregnancy. The ultrasound tech told me my baby had no heartbeat and the OB confirmed and told me to schedule a D&C. I was a mess and just sobbing. I insisted on another ultrasound and they had me go out to lunch and come back that afternoon. The same OB performed the second ultrasound (this time with my mother in the room) and there was my baby and his little heart was beating.

[elizabeth]

Hey, 1 star rater! come on in and let us know why this thread is terrible...

Not the one star rater but anecdotal incidents that seem to support a general principle while ignoring specific facts are not logically or medically sound.

[swellmomma]

NOt from the medical community. BUt my mom pushed for me to abort Austin, HUnter and Isabelle when she found out I was pg. I refused obviously. She would push for me to again if I got pg again. She had one at 16 and in her words they are "no big deal". I have a different view of them.

 

(she also called Ceilidh by a different name until she was 3 months old trying to make me give her up for adoption but that is another story).

 

I have had 5 early m/c so never needed a D&C, I think I would demand a 2nd u/s to confirm before going through with one.

[elizabeth]

And therein lies the problem . One anecdote does not make for sound medical practice or sound decision making . I have seen women risk bleeding to death over what they considered immoral. To me risking materanl death is fraught with moral issues as well. Sadly too many are all too willing to condemn the choices that others make without any knowledge of the particulars. Miscarriages not brought to an end by appropriate measures in certain cases will lead to maternal death and possibly hysterectomy as well. There are no easy answers for well meaning persons of good conscience. These people can be found on all sides of the question in my opinion.

[NoPlaceLikeHome]

And therein lies the problem . One anecdote does not make for sound medical practice or sound decision making . I have seen women risk bleeding to death over what they considered immoral. To me risking materanl death is fraught with moral issues as well. Sadly too many are all too willing to condemn the choices that others make without any knowledge of the particulars. Miscarriages not brought to an end by appropriate measures in certain cases will lead to maternal death and possibly hysterectomy as well. There are no easy answers for well meaning persons of good conscience. These people can be found on all sides of the question in my opinion.

 

:iagree:

[Heather in WI]

I was always led to believe a Catholic hospital won't do sterilization of any kind...but would counsel an abortion?

 

I was always under this impression, before my experience, too.

 

Not the one star rater but anecdotal incidents that seem to support a general principle while ignoring specific facts are not logically or medically sound.

 

I don't understand why you would post this comment. That's not what this thread is about at all. This thread is about women who refused an abortion.

 

 

:grouphug: to the other women on this thread.

[Pink Fairy]

I was wondering how long it would be before this thread turned. It took five hours though--might be a record!

[Hockey Mom]

My last DS was unofficially diagnosed with Down's. The doctor told us 'abortion is an option'. To which I replied, "no, it's not." Turns out, he made the diagnosis based on the size of DS's kidneys.

 

DS weighed 10.4lbs at 27 weeks. His kidneys were big because he was a big baby.

[Jen500]

gently Elizabeth, I don't think anyone is condemning anyone.

 

Hmm...what about the previous poster who pointed out that she chose not to murder her child?

[swellmomma]

DS weighed 10.4lbs at 27 weeks. His kidneys were big because he was a big baby.

 

 

Holy Cow! How big was he at birth?

[OH_Homeschooler]

Hmm...what about the previous poster who pointed out that she chose not to murder her child?

 

Yes, the original post in which the woman said she chose not to "murder" her child was a big turnoff. Definitely sounds like condemnation to me.

[elizabeth]

I was wondering how long it would be before this thread turned. It took five hours though--might be a record!

Turned?? I do not understand . No one has been anything but courteous and polite in this discussion. Or do you mean" turned" as a substitute for a non monolithic response to the issue being discussed? In the world I live in it is a sign of a healthy and balanced adult when differing viewpoints can be discussed without animosity.

[lionfamily1999]

Seeing as the op described her own situation and had to d/c a pregnancy, not to mention the responses of others that also had to, I don't see condemnation. Perhaps the poster that mentioned refusing to "murder" their child was saying so, because of how it all turned out?

[Hockey Mom]

Holy Cow! How big was he at birth?

 

Typo...sorry. I meant 37 weeks. :blushing: