Will this paragraph in my Christmas letter offend people?

[LBC]

Thanks for all the great input. I made changes to this letter days ago, and cringe every time a new comment bumps this thread back to the front of the line.

I've deleted my original post. I'm thankful that posting here gave me a chance to edit my letter before sending it, and potentially offending people who I care about.

 

Thanks,

Lori

Edited December 9, 2009 by LBC

[Annabel Lee]

I think it's awesome and would totally put that in my Christmas letter. But I'm all about shedding the light for anyone who hasn't seen it yet. :)

[AuntieM]

Well, I *agree* with you, but if you're really going to send that out en masse, I'd make it a bit more short and sweet...

[Angel]

Beautiful! By beginning it with "your" journey, I don't see how people could be offended. It's "your" journey and "your" hope for everyone.

[Laura Corin]

I wouldn't be offended exactly - more exasperated. I would feel that I was being preached at and it would make me less likely to want to spend time with you, for fear of being buttonholed. I'm quite secure in my atheism, but I'd rather not spend time (forgive my honesty) being pitied for my wrongheadedness.

 

I do understand that the paragraph is kindly meant. I wouldn't send it though.

 

Best wishes

 

Laura

[Melinda in VT]

I'll be the dissenting voice.:D

 

It sounds preachy to me, and not very respectful of other people's religious journeys, which may have taken them to a different place than yours.

[Laurie]

As I came to the end of the letter, I felt a need to be authentic about where we're at in our personal lives.

 

 

 

Why?

 

I can't say that I'm offended by that paragraph but I wouldn't include it. There's a preachiness to it that comes across as rather annoying. Usually I choose a religious-themed Christmas card and for me that's authentic enough.

 

Where does this need to show our real/authentic selves come from anyway? In general, it seems that there are too many people who want to "tell all" or at least way more than most people are interested in. Maybe this is why I don't understand things like Twitter. :D

[Julie in CA]

I understand what you're trying to say, but I agree with Melinda that it does come off as a bit preachy, and not so respectful about other people's choices and beliefs. I don't think I'd include it in a Christmas letter.

[JenniferB]

I don't think I'd put it that way. Not sure how I would word it, if at all, but it does sound preachy, and maybe a little bitter about the traditions of your past. That could put up walls where you might not want them to be erected.

[LBC]

I wouldn't be offended exactly - more exasperated. I would feel that I was being preached at and it would make me less likely to want to spend time with you, for fear of being buttonholed. I'm quite secure in my atheism, but I'd rather not spend time (forgive my honesty) being pitied for my wrongheadedness.

 

I do understand that the paragraph is kindly meant. I wouldn't send it though.

 

Best wishes

 

Laura

 

This is the type of feedback I was hoping for. Writing these words was very therapeutic for me, but sending them might lead to huge misunderstanding. The last thing I would want would be the impression of my "pity for wrongheadedness".:tongue_smilie: Thank you for being honest about how it might come across.

 

Lori

[BigMamaBird]

I like it. If your point of adding a letter is to update people about important events in your life, and important event in the year has been a deepening of your faith as a family, go for it.

[Laura Corin]

This is the type of feedback I was hoping for. Writing these words was very therapeutic for me, but sending them might lead to huge misunderstanding. The last thing I would want would be the impression of my "pity for wrongheadedness".:tongue_smilie: Thank you for being honest about how it might come across.

 

Lori

 

Thank you for taking my comments so well.

 

Laura

[Trixie]

I wouldn't be offended exactly - more exasperated. I would feel that I was being preached at and it would make me less likely to want to spend time with you, for fear of being buttonholed. I'm quite secure in my atheism, but I'd rather not spend time (forgive my honesty) being pitied for my wrongheadedness.

 

I do understand that the paragraph is kindly meant. I wouldn't send it though.

 

This was my reaction, too.

[Mrs Mungo]

I think it sounds pretentious and preachy rather than authentic. It sounds like you are trying to convince others that your journey is authentic. Why do you feel the need to justify yourself or your journey?

[Haiku]

I wouldn't want to receive that. If someone who knows I am not Christian sent me a letter with those sentiments, I would think it was rude. In fact, my LDS aunt used to always end her letters to me (we were frequent corresponders) with her sincerest wishes that I would find Christ. I found it to be very condescending. Non-christians can get very tired of the constant exhortations to find Christ.

 

As my dh says, "What? Is he lost again?"

 

Tara

[SquirrellyMama]

I think I would only put this part of the paragraph in:

 

we have great hope in the Good News of Jesus. We have great joy in knowing that it is by grace we have been saved, through faith—and this not from ourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast. (Ephesians 2:8) Our greatest hope is that you will know the grace and peace that Jesus offers so freely.

[LBC]

Why?

 

I can't say that I'm offended by that paragraph but I wouldn't include it. There's a preachiness to it that comes across as rather annoying. Usually I choose a religious-themed Christmas card and for me that's authentic enough.

 

Where does this need to show our real/authentic selves come from anyway? In general, it seems that there are too many people who want to "tell all" or at least way more than most people are interested in. Maybe this is why I don't understand things like Twitter. :D

 

I suppose my desire to be "authentic" is because I'm writing the letter to people who are our family and friends. Although distance keeps us from seeing each other, they are people who care about us, and who we care about. If it was a letter going out to clients in our business, then of course I'd keep things on a less personal level. Hope that answers your question - unless it was just a rhetorical question.:001_smile:

 

Lori

[Audrey]

I wouldn't be offended exactly - more exasperated. I would feel that I was being preached at and it would make me less likely to want to spend time with you, for fear of being buttonholed. I'm quite secure in my atheism, but I'd rather not spend time (forgive my honesty) being pitied for my wrongheadedness.

 

I do understand that the paragraph is kindly meant. I wouldn't send it though.

 

Best wishes

 

Laura

 

I'll be the dissenting voice.:D

 

It sounds preachy to me, and not very respectful of other people's religious journeys, which may have taken them to a different place than yours.

 

Why?

 

I can't say that I'm offended by that paragraph but I wouldn't include it. There's a preachiness to it that comes across as rather annoying. Usually I choose a religious-themed Christmas card and for me that's authentic enough.

 

Where does this need to show our real/authentic selves come from anyway? In general, it seems that there are too many people who want to "tell all" or at least way more than most people are interested in. Maybe this is why I don't understand things like Twitter. :D

 

 

:iagree: With all of the above.

[Greta]

Personally, my thought was that it should have ended with this sentence:

 

Our greatest hope is that you will know the grace and peace that Jesus offers so freely.

 

The last sentence, though I realize of course it is not your intention, is probably likely to offend. And if you're going to remove that one, it makes sense to remove the one right before it as well, and leave it on the kind note that I have quoted above. The first part of it sounds simply like sharing, so by ending it with this one simple and beautiful sentence, I think you can perhaps *gently* convey the message you want to without getting preachy. Just my very humbly offered opinion.

 

:grouphug:

[Daisy]

I think it was fine when you were talking about your family's journey but you then changed from "our journey" to "I hope YOU..." At that point, I'd view it more as advice and less like a newsy Christmas letter.

 

And honestly, if every paragraph in your letter is that long, I probably won't even make it to that point. (Meant very kindly). I'm not a huge Christmas letter person though. I like short newsy bits but that's it.

[Daisy]

Of course our lives are so much more than can be summed up in a Christmas letter. We have been on somewhat of a philosophical journey these past years. We have questioned many of the religious paths we have walked in our lifetime, and through questioning, have grown in our faith and expanded our hope in God and His goodness. We love how our children are able to think for themselves, and have a simple faith that is not burdened by religious trappings and clichés. There is so much about “Christianity” as a religion that fails to represent who we are, and what we believe, yet we have great hope in the Good News of Jesus. We have great joy in knowing that it is by grace we have been saved, through faith—and this not from ourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast. (Ephesians 2:8) Our greatest hope is that you will know the grace and peace that Jesus offers so freely. To those who have known Jesus for many years, we hope that you are able to see beyond the traditions of our faith, and experience the freedom that is in Christ. To those who do not know Jesus personally, we hope that the religious systems that people have created and sustained will not get in the way of your ability to receive the gift of a perfect and loving Creator, who comes with a message of hope, freedom and redemption for a hurting world.

 

This is probably how I would edit.

 

We have been on somewhat of a philosophical journey these past years. We have questioned many of the religious paths we have walked in our lifetime, and have grown in our faith and our hope in God and His goodness. We love how our children have a simple faith that is not burdened by religious trappings and clichés. There is so much about Christianity as a religion that fails to represent who we are, and what we believe, yet we have great hope in the Good News of Jesus. We have great joy in knowing that it is by grace we have been saved, through faith—and this not from ourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast (Ephesians 2:8).

 

May your family be blessed this coming year and also experience great joy.

 

I imagine if they want to know more about your journey they'll ask you, don't you think? Or at the very least that would be best brought up one-on-one in conversation.

[Hedgehogs4]

I'm going to say something here as someone who receives many Christmas letters from lots of people that i truly care about (and I hope you're not offended)--i cannot stand letters that have too much verbage. In spite of the fact that I do love these people, I don't care to know about the minutiae of their lives. I like letters that make me giggle, highlight a few high points of the year, include a couple of pictures, let me know of any tragedy or major triumphs that I may have missed hearing about and stuff of that nature. One page, short and sweet, bring them to the front of my mind, say a prayer for them, and then on to the next letter (i hope it's not a long one).

 

I don't think I would be offended...it's just that if the whole letter is that wordy I probably wouldn't have made it that far in the letter.

 

hope you're not offended by my honest assessment. If you are, then say to yourself "but she doesn't KNOW me and how great I am." and you'd be right. :001_smile:

[angela in ohio]

I think it sounds pretentious and preachy rather than authentic. It sounds like you are trying to convince others that your journey is authentic. Why do you feel the need to justify yourself or your journey?

 

:iagree:

 

If you are so close to people that you must say these things to them, then I would do it in person and not at Christmas time.

 

This part to me comes across as condescending:

 

"We love how our children are able to think for themselves, and have a simple faith that is not burdened by religious trappings and clichés. There is so much about “Christianity†as a religion that fails to represent who we are, and what we believe, yet we have great hope in the Good News of Jesus. We have great joy in knowing that it is by grace we have been saved, through faith—and this not from ourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast. (Ephesians 2:8) Our greatest hope is that you will know the grace and peace that Jesus offers so freely. To those who have known Jesus for many years, we hope that you are able to see beyond the traditions of our faith, and experience the freedom that is in Christ."

 

It might be recieved okay, but why risk it?

 

I tend to like Christmas cards and letters that focus on the recipient, wishing them a merry Christmas, hoping they have a happy New Year, sending love, etc.

[angela in ohio]

In spite of the fact that I do love these people, I don't care to know about the minutiae of their lives.

 

 

We have acquaintances who send us a letter every year, and it is a glowing report of their fantastic lives, but we know them well enough to know that most of it is a huge exaggeration. It has become great fun to read it, though! :D

[Suzanne in ABQ]

Well, I'm actually on a similar journey, and have come to the same conclusions about religion and the church as you have. I don't want the church telling me what to believe. Actually, I don't want *anyone* telling me what to believe. Your paragraph does that. I wouldn't want to receive it, even though I agree with it! :)

[Crimson Wife]

I think I would only put this part of the paragraph in:

 

we have great hope in the Good News of Jesus. We have great joy in knowing that it is by grace we have been saved, through faith—and this not from ourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast. (Ephesians 2:8) Our greatest hope is that you will know the grace and peace that Jesus offers so freely.

 

Actually, the last 2 sentences are the ones in the paragraph that jumped out to me personally as being the most offensive. You don't need to re-fight the battles of the Reformation era in your Christmas letter. You are entitled to your own theological opinion of sola fides but you don't need to go around shoving it in the faces of those who take a different POV.

 

Really, it's just plain rude :thumbdown:

[Michelle T]

I'm Jewish. If I received a proselytizing letter from a friend, it would go into the trash, and I'd be hesitant to spend time with that person.

 

If you are sending it to fellow Christians, maybe it would be great.

Michelle T

[Tree House Academy]

Are you sending this to friend who are athiest or another religion? If so, I might skip it...or print it only on the letters going to Christian friends. I say this because my ex husband (oldest son's dad) is athiest. We have been 'round and 'round about what we believe and there is no convincing either of us that one is correct. If I were to send him something like that, he would toss it and likely call and give me a piece of his mind. I try to think of it in terms of how I would feel if he sent me a letter telling me how he had discoved the opposite of what I believe and hoped I would "come around." I see how it could be offensive.

 

That said, I am a Christian and I think your note is beautiful...if it is going to other Christians or friends who will not be offended. Otherwise, I would wait to talk to them in person about Jesus if you feel convicted to do so.

[Greta]

You know, I just realized that I have no idea what you mean by "trappings" and "cliches". But I'm guessing that others do/will, and will be offended if you're talking about things they believe in. If you're sending this out to people with a wide variety of beliefs, you may want to rethink it. If you're audience shares your beliefs, then you probably have nothing to worry about.

[Crimson Wife]

"Of course our lives are so much more than can be summed up in a Christmas letter. We have been on somewhat of a philosophical journey these past years. We have questioned many of the religious paths we have walked in our lifetime, and through questioning, have grown in our faith and expanded our hope in God and His goodness. We love how our children are able to think for themselves, and have developed spiritually through the great hope of the Good News of Jesus. We have found great joy in this gift of God and the grace and peace that Jesus offers so freely. We feel blessed that they have come to experience for themselves the freedom that is in Christ, who comes with a message of hope, freedom and redemption for a hurting world."

 

This keeps the focus on your family's spiritual journey and is general enough to not offend any Christian.

[LBC]

I appreciate every comment that each of you has contributed - even though some things were harder to read than others:001_unsure:. I'm either going to leave it out completely, or just take a few of your editing suggestions.

 

This paragraph makes up about one third of the letter. The rest of the letter is quite brief, with basic facts and updates about the kids and life. I see now that this paragraph really doesn't belong in the letter. I think it was just something I needed to articulate for myself, and the letter became my vehicle for expression. I'm so glad I got feedback from the "hive" before sending the letter. As always, I learn so much from the many diverse perspectives represented on this board.

 

Thank you!

Lori

[Tammyla]

It wouldn't bother me, but the end of the year letters grow less and less interesting to me. If it doesn't include pictures..I've been known not to read them;)

[Daisy]

"Of course our lives are so much more than can be summed up in a Christmas letter. We have been on somewhat of a philosophical journey these past years. We have questioned many of the religious paths we have walked in our lifetime, and through questioning, have grown in our faith and expanded our hope in God and His goodness. We love how our children are able to think for themselves, and have developed spiritually through the great hope of the Good News of Jesus. We have found great joy in this gift of God and the grace and peace that Jesus offers so freely. We feel blessed that they have come to experience for themselves the freedom that is in Christ, who comes with a message of hope, freedom and redemption for a hurting world."

 

This keeps the focus on your family's spiritual journey and is general enough to not offend any Christian.

 

:iagree: It won't offend other Christians. Course it is going to offend some non-Christians.

 

Guess I saw the Scripture verse as universally accepted by Christians. Reformed folks would add ALONE to "saved by faith in Christ".

 

Sigh. Never easy. I steer clear of deep thoughts in cards and letters. Easier to make everyone laugh.

Edited December 3, 2009 by Daisy

[babysparkler]

I think it is beautiful and I would send it as is, personally... I guess it all depends on who you send your Christmas cards to.

[phathui5]

Is it new news? Did you recently become Christian?

[Chris in VA]

The "religious trapping and cliche" part bothers me. I'm a Bible-believing Christian who happens to belong to a more traditional, liturgical denomination, and I get some flack from my non-liturgical friends. While I certainly believe our faith can be stripped down to about 3 central truths (give or take lol!), I really don't want to be told that there's only one way to worship my Lord and Saviour. I also don't like how you implied that church tells you how to think--that only thru breaking away can you and your kids find freedom.

 

So, yep, I think you are wise to leave that part out. I do think, tho, that you are also very wise to continue exploring your faith, and to celebrate the truths you have found!

 

FWIW, I like to read Christmas letters...

[HRAAB]

I understand what you're saying, but... people could be offended unless everyone who receives your letter is on the exact same path as you. In fact, there are Christians who might be offended, even. I'm not sure I think a Christmas letter that goes to a wide, diverse group of people is the place to put it. I can see how it could across as preachy.

 

I might be more apt to include something like that in personal letters to certain friends or family - not across the board.

[Scuff]

"Of course our lives are so much more than can be summed up in a Christmas letter. We have been on somewhat of a philosophical journey these past years. We have questioned many of the religious paths we have walked in our lifetime, and through questioning, have grown in our faith and expanded our hope in God and His goodness. We love how our children are able to think for themselves, and have a simple faith that is not burdened by religious trappings and clichés. There is so much about “Christianity†as a religion that fails to represent who we are, and what we believe, yet we have great hope in the Good News of Jesus. We have great joy in knowing that it is by grace we have been saved, through faith—and this not from ourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast. (Ephesians 2:8)" Nice. "Our greatest hope is that you will know the grace and peace that Jesus offers so freely." Could leave or omit. Some may see it as preachy. I think it politely says your honest hope for them without making personal assumptions "To those who have known Jesus for many years, we hope that you are able to see beyond the traditions of our faith, and experience the freedom that is in Christ. To those who do not know Jesus personally, we hope that the religious systems that people have created and sustained will not get in the way of your ability to receive the gift of a perfect and loving Creator, who comes with a message of hope, freedom and redemption for a hurting world. " As a believer this grates me because it seems like you're assuming I'm stuck in tradition and only believe because that's what the church told me. I'd shrug it off to your zeal in your newfound faith (let's face it, we've all said and done stupid things when we first got excited) But it'd still irk me.

[HRAAB]

have a simple faith that is not burdened by religious trappings and clichés.

 

 

 

This part right here could possibly be offensive to other Christians. As a Catholic, I know there are many Christians who feel I am burdened by 'religious trappings and cliches'.

[Carol in Cal.]

The "religious trapping and cliche" part bothers me. I'm a Bible-believing Christian who happens to belong to a more traditional, liturgical denomination, and I get some flack from my non-liturgical friends. While I certainly believe our faith can be stripped down to about 3 central truths (give or take lol!), I really don't want to be told that there's only one way to worship my Lord and Saviour. I also don't like how you implied that church tells you how to think--that only thru breaking away can you and your kids find freedom.

 

So, yep, I think you are wise to leave that part out. I do think, tho, that you are also very wise to continue exploring your faith, and to celebrate the truths you have found!

 

FWIW, I like to read Christmas letters...

 

 

I love Christmas letters.

I don't mind braggy ones as long as they are not 'fake modesty' brags. (Like the ones that say something like, "Although my DD did not win the national spelling bee against 450,000 other applicants, she did come in second." Give me a break. Have an honest brag. Say that you're proud of your DD who came in second nationally against 450,000 other opponents. Don't brag AND pretend not to be proud. But I digress.)

 

So, your paragraph.

 

I think your paragraph is beautiful and obviously is very heartfelt. I think that you and I would be wonderful Christian sisters to each other, and that we would have a lot in common, if we lived close together.

 

But, it seems like it knocks two groups of people--those who don't believe in Christ, and those who believe in Christ but go to an organized church. That is just about everyone I know, including me. I belong to a Lutheran church. It is conservative, liturgical, hidebound, and full of customs. It is also full of life and love, and rich with God's Spirit. I believe that God calls us to be in community in Christ, and that that can take different forms. I appreciate and love our very well educated clergy. I believe that the Church that marches through the centuries, with flags flying and banners waving, is well represented by our church body with its links to history but also its living faith.

 

Having said that, your sincerity and lovingkindness shine through so well that if I received your letter and I knew you, I would probably call you up and say that your words blessed me. And I would mean it. So to summarize, I think that you wrote this extraordinarily well; that you delivered a difficult message as lovingly and with the best intentions mustered that you possibly could; and that not everyone would take it well, but I would, even though it slams my church a little.

 

If I were you, I would picture each person that you are sending this to, and decide whether this is the message that you would want them to receive from you or not.

[Jami]

 

But, it seems like it knocks two groups of people--those who don't believe in Christ, and those who believe in Christ but go to an organized church. That is just about everyone I know, including me. I belong to a Lutheran church. It is conservative, liturgical, hidebound, and full of customs. It is also full of life and love, and rich with God's Spirit. I believe that God calls us to be in community in Christ, and that that can take different forms. I appreciate and love our very well educated clergy. I believe that the Church that marches through the centuries, with flags flying and banners waving, is well represented by our church body with its links to history but also its living faith.

 

 

 

 

I don't really have any comment about the OP. But I loved this paragraph, Carol. I'm Presbyterian and feel the same way about the wonderful churches of which I've been blessed to be a member.

[LBC]

I think your paragraph is beautiful and obviously is very heartfelt. I think that you and I would be wonderful Christian sisters to each other, and that we would have a lot in common, if we lived close together.

 

 

 

Carol, you are so kind. I have no doubt that you and I would get along well. Too bad we live so far apart.:)

 

Lori

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

Here's the paragraph in question:

Of course our lives are so much more than can be summed up in a Christmas letter. We have been on somewhat of a philosophical journey these past years. We have questioned many of the religious paths we have walked in our lifetime, and through questioning, have grown in our faith and expanded our hope in God and His goodness.

 

 

I would end the paragraph there. Otherwise, it sounds preachy and judgmental.

[LibraryLover]

I am an atheist, but I would not send it myself. Of course, I don't do Christmas letters. I've never gotten a Christmas letter that didn't somehow annoy me, so I can't imagine that I could right one that didn't sound similarly annoying.

 

OTOH, I adore getting Christmas card pictures. I am always hugely disappointed if I only get a card with words...lol

[Cera]

I wouldn't be offended exactly - more exasperated. I would feel that I was being preached at and it would make me less likely to want to spend time with you, for fear of being buttonholed. I'm quite secure in my atheism, but I'd rather not spend time (forgive my honesty) being pitied for my wrongheadedness.

 

I do understand that the paragraph is kindly meant. I wouldn't send it though.

 

Best wishes

 

Laura

 

This is exactly how it would make me feel.

[kalanamak]

for fear of being buttonholed.

 

If this is the "new you" and how you will be in person, I would be grateful to know, so I could have an escape route planned.

 

I know I'm in a minority, but I consider religious beliefs very, very private. Much more private than someone's will, or s*xual habits, or income. VERY private. That you are so public would make me think that I would not have a good night out with you. And I would be very pleased to know this in advance.

 

I can deal with just about anyone who is forthright. Sneaks drive me nuts.

[Unicorn.]

I

 

Here's the paragraph in question:

Of course our lives are so much more than can be summed up in a Christmas letter. We have been on somewhat of a philosophical journey these past years. ..... have grown in our faith and expanded our hope in God and His goodness.

Our greatest hope is that you will know the grace and peace that Jesus offers so freely. .[/color]

 

Lori

 

I agree with others that it sounds very preachy. I took out the things I found to be preachy and left what I considered to be more of a generic, good will, sentiment. hth

[jujsky]

I'll be the dissenting voice.:D

 

It sounds preachy to me, and not very respectful of other people's religious journeys, which may have taken them to a different place than yours.

 

:iagree: Gotta agree. As a non-religious person reading this, I swear the Charlie Brown adult "wah-wha-wha-whaaa" voice filled my mind, with the occasional "God" or "Jesus" thrown in. I don't mean to offend -- that's just how most religious things come off to me. I just can't relate to it, and stuff like that always sounds preachy to me whether it's intentional or not.

[6packofun]

I will gently agree with this...it sounds a little preachy and I am a conservative Christian. :001_unsure: I like the shortened version that thescrappyafterschooler posted, though!

[Danestress]

will be interested in your viewpoints and your journey to understanding what you have come to believe. If we were friends, I would enjoy a discussion about this over a glass of wine one night when we could get away and really talk.

 

But most of the people you send this too will probably find it irritating or won't read it at all. If I want to talk to someone about my faith and about my theological views, I want to do that in a more personal way. I wouldn't send a form letter out to people discussing this. I assume that almost no one on my Christmas list really truly wants an essay on my version of "truth" and if they did, I would want that to be a dialogue between the two of us, even if in the form of an exchange of personal letter. I would not include this in a form letter to family and friends.