Q. How to deal w/ friends who slip in anti-hs comments

[Alicia64]

My theory is now that ps school is out and summer has arrived, many of my friends want to hang out at the park, the pool etc.

 

Nothing wrong with that. My kids love seeing their kids. But my friends inevitably slip in comments about "what have you decided to do for next year?" Or "sometimes you just gotta put 'em in school and get on with your own life."

 

You get the idea. They're not hard hitting comments. Those I could deal with. They're just slipped in comments. I tend to just nod and go blank and not say anything.

 

Plus I don't really have any interest in having a "knock out, drag out" fight about these mild, but annoying comments at the park or pool. I just want my kids to have a nice day. Period.

 

But one week into summer, I'm already getting sick of it.

 

I'm still new to hs. How to deal??

 

Alicia

[abbeyej]

I think the fact that you're new to home schooling and your girls are very young may have a lot to do with this.

 

The first because you are, as one would expect, a little sensitive about this new adventure you've just embarked on.

 

The second because it's actually not all that uncommon for people to "home school" for kindergarten then put their children in school for first grade. While certainly *most* people send their kids to kindergarten, it's not required everywhere, and some people do opt to wait and send their kids to "real" school for first. ;) (Forgive me my use of "real" school -- I was home schooled myself till 8th grade, and we always called school "real school"... Sometimes I say "traditional" school, but that hardly seems entirely accurate either, and "brick and mortar school" is such a mouthful...)

 

I would simply answer the first question ("What have you decided to do for next year?") cheerfully and honestly. "Oh, we're still home schooling. We had a great year, and I'm really looking forward to_[fill in the blank]_." It could, in fact, be a very honest question. I'd answer it (briefly!) in that spirit.

 

For the second statement (about sending the kids to school and rebooting your own life), I'd probably just make non-committal noises and change the subject. It's not really the sort of thing that requires a response.

 

Do try to avoid becoming defensive. Sometimes questions and statements like that can actually come from someone who is considering home schooling themselves. I've had several conversations that started out sounding like a grilling, and it was only well into the discussion that I realized the other person was hounding me 'cause they didn't know any other home schoolers to ask, and they had a backlog of questions!

[hsmom]

Personally I just ignore them or if I am in the mood I just pop back with a well this is my life. My children are what is going on with my life. Also state that your children are in school, just not the kind they send their kids too.

[Happy]

I think the fact that you're new to home schooling and your girls are very young may have a lot to do with this.

 

The first because you are, as one would expect, a little sensitive about this new adventure you've just embarked on.

 

The second because it's actually not all that uncommon for people to "home school" for kindergarten then put their children in school for first grade. While certainly *most* people send their kids to kindergarten, it's not required everywhere, and some people do opt to wait and send their kids to "real" school for first. ;) (Forgive me my use of "real" school -- I was home schooled myself till 8th grade, and we always called school "real school"... Sometimes I say "traditional" school, but that hardly seems entirely accurate either, and "brick and mortar school" is such a mouthful...)

 

I would simply answer the first question ("What have you decided to do for next year?") cheerfully and honestly. "Oh, we're still home schooling. We had a great year, and I'm really looking forward to_[fill in the blank]_." It could, in fact, be a very honest question. I'd answer it (briefly!) in that spirit.

 

For the second statement (about sending the kids to school and rebooting your own life), I'd probably just make non-committal noises and change the subject. It's not really the sort of thing that requires a response.

 

Do try to avoid becoming defensive. Sometimes questions and statements like that can actually come from someone who is considering home schooling themselves. I've had several conversations that started out sounding like a grilling, and it was only well into the discussion that I realized the other person was hounding me 'cause they didn't know any other home schoolers to ask, and they had a backlog of questions!

 

:iagree: For the 'getting on with your life' remark...smile big. This is my life. I'm so lucky to be able to have my girl's home with me all the time. We are having so much fun learning......no job could ever compete with that.

 

Big smiles all around!

[WishboneDawn]

"what have you decided to do for next year?"

 

"Bear wrestling. Bean dip?"

 

"sometimes you just gotta put 'em in school and get on with your own life."

 

"I've lived my own life. Not so exciting. I much prefer living vicariously through my children. Bean dip?"

 

I prefer to give ridiculous answers to dumb comments and then move on before the other party can respond. Generally they laugh. It helps to spend a little time each dau thinking of clever responses so you're always armed. :D

[amsunshine]

I think it's just best to respond with genuinely effervescent and enthusiastic comments about how much fun you've had the past year or years and how much you are looking forward to the coming year! People just always seem a little surprised and usually I get a comment like, "oh, that's right -- you actually like spending time with your kids." Unbelieveable, I know, but it really kind of shocks people!

[kellycbr]

I think the fact that you're new to home schooling and your girls are very young may have a lot to do with this.

 

The first because you are, as one would expect, a little sensitive about this new adventure you've just embarked on.

 

The second because it's actually not all that uncommon for people to "home school" for kindergarten then put their children in school for first grade. While certainly *most* people send their kids to kindergarten, it's not required everywhere, and some people do opt to wait and send their kids to "real" school for first. ;) (Forgive me my use of "real" school -- I was home schooled myself till 8th grade, and we always called school "real school"... Sometimes I say "traditional" school, but that hardly seems entirely accurate either, and "brick and mortar school" is such a mouthful...)

 

I would simply answer the first question ("What have you decided to do for next year?") cheerfully and honestly. "Oh, we're still home schooling. We had a great year, and I'm really looking forward to_[fill in the blank]_." It could, in fact, be a very honest question. I'd answer it (briefly!) in that spirit.

 

 

 

Do try to avoid becoming defensive. Sometimes questions and statements like that can actually come from someone who is considering home schooling themselves. I've had several conversations that started out sounding like a grilling, and it was only well into the discussion that I realized the other person was hounding me 'cause they didn't know any other home schoolers to ask, and they had a backlog of questions!

 

:iagree:

 

Oh, that was me for sure - LOL! I started out feigning a big faint when my girlfriend told me about her plans to homeschool. It really did sound horrible to me! And I continued to ask, faint, and ask some more. So after going through childbirth, watching our children grow, and me continuing to ask about hs, I found myself really asking hard questions about doing it. Low and behold, DH and I are homeschooling and finishing our 2nd year (roughly). Hang in there and be pleasant. My friends enthusiastic answers (not to mention grace while I fainted) really encouraged me to keep homeschooling as an option when we realized we needed something different.

 

To my friends I let them know the positive and negative things about homeschooling, and that we're taking it year by year, so we'll see. Oh, and I do rib them a bit when DS and I go skiing for PE while they trudge through the sytem. :D To my girlfriend who gave me the courage to do this: I find myself groaning that she grinds her own grains to bake bread. Now I'm baking bread. I look at her and shake my head that I can't say NEVER, ever again.:)

 

Kelly

Edited June 10, 2009 by kellycbr

[G5052]

We've been at this eight years now, so the comments are more oriented towards "aren't you go to send them to high school?" but the reality is that you never really escape it completely. In time, you may find yourself drifting away from friends who continue to criticize this decision that you've made. Not all of my close friends homeschool, but my close friends support our decision because they know that it is a sacrificial choice that we've made and continue to be committed to.

 

Meanwhile, it will help to work out a basic answer, something like, "We're committed to homeschooling as the best choice for our family, and we're eagerly preparing for another great year." Then change the subject...!

[coralloyd]

Be grateful you know where they stand.

I just found out from one of ladies in the Mom Time group I teach that; "Everyone thinks you're nuts for hsing." (speaking of the ladies in the group). Well, they don't seem to think I'm too crazy/nuts to teach them the Bible, and come to (constantly) for advice about their lives ;).

 

I guess these things just come with the territory (sigh).

[skaterbabs]

My kids are, to put it mildly, spirited. :glare: I just ask the speaker to picture MY daughter sitting quietly while the teacher explains to her kindergarten class that "A says AH!" when DD has been reading for two years already. Or that "one plus one is two!" when she's getting ready to learn place value and two-column addition and subtraction. You get the drift. ;) Add in two autism-spectrum boys, and most people around here don't even blink. :tongue_smilie:

 

It's really just pointing out how the needs of my children aren't fulfilled by public-school education, really. And by painting my kids as the "odd" ones, it gives the other parent a semi-graceful "out".

[Amber in SJ]

I am so impressed by the ladies who give thoughtful, insightful answers. At this point I find myself making the flip remark. If someone asks me why we homeschool; I say we are religious fanatics (we aren't.) If they ask what I am teaching next year; I say booger picking (we aren't; my children are already experts.) If I were asked why I don't put them in school so I can have my own life, I might be tempted to ask who would rub my feet while I sit on the couch eating cheetos and watching my "stories."

 

But that is just me. :D

 

Amber in SJ

[RoughCollie]

I just say that we believe that homeschooling is the best choice for our family, just as they believe that public school is the best choice for theirs.

[asta]

If it makes you feel any better, the woman I have always considered my best friend is an AP Biology teacher. When kiddo was getting ready for the SAT subject exam in Biology, he sent her a note asking for pointers (since there are always "tips" for standardized tests).

 

She wrote back (essentially) "well, I've heard that X & Y are on these exams, but don't concern yourself too much, because you haven't been educated well enough to pass the test anyway."

 

Seriously. Only it was couched in lots of niceties.

 

I'm curious to see what he DOES end up with, as he got a 740/800 on the practice test...

 

Yeah, not feeling the love for HS here, either.

 

 

a

[Vida Winter]

Duct tape?

 

LOL. Best to grow a thicker skin. There will always be someone who doesn't agree with what you're doing; if you're lucky, they are not in your immediate family.

 

Decide what you want to do and have confidence in your decisions. Don't look back and don't worry about naysayers.

 

:grouphug:

 

Dana

[DawnM]

This is one reason I am glad we aren't in one of those sub-divisions with a community pool.

 

We live on a cul-de-sac with only 4 houses on it and everyone has at least 2 acres. All 3 of the other women work full time and yet they are always broke!

 

The neighbor across the street is the one who gives me the hardest time. She knows I am a former ps counselor and high school teacher so she is quite confused and asks questions.

 

Meanwhile, she works at a preschool making about $1000/month part time. She orders her groceries delivered and spends about $800-$1000/month in groceries!

 

YIKES! I just want to shake her and say, "I can lower that grocery bill by $400 for you and you can STAY HOME! and make even more $$"

 

But, once again, noone asked me for my opinion! :lol:

[Soph the vet]

Maybe you could jump into the subject first before they get their comments in. When you get to the park go running up to your friend and say something like "You won't believe what a great time we had learning about (fill in the blank) this morning" and "oh , the joys of homeschooling I just cannot count, they are beyond number" OK, too much maybe. How about having a running list in your head of the positive points about homeschooling and then you can rattle that off at every turn and they will eventually give up and leave you alone.

[phathui5]

"We're going to keep homeschooling, of course."

 

"What are you planning for next year? Going to switch schools? Homeschool?"

[Jackie in AR]

Or "sometimes you just gotta put 'em in school and get on with your own life."

 

"Well, that's about the most useless piece of advice I've ever heard," or "That kind of life has absolutely zero appeal to me," both said with a big smile on my face.

 

I've been at this gig a long time, and I no longer let those idiotic comments slide. Don't feel like you have to defend the choices you've made for your family; put it back on them to explain why it is they know so much better than you do what is best for your family. Eventually they'll realize they aren't going to ruffle your feathers OR make themselves feel better by talking to you, and they'll either learn to keep quiet or move on to someone else.

[Blueridge]

My friend from AR goes through a similar aggravation every.single.summer when she goes in the Superintendent's office to turn in her intent form. The secretary (she has known for years) asks, "So, when are you going to enroll J for a traditional school year? Aren't you getting tired of all this?" :glare: My friend always replies, "I'm just having so much fun with her, I can't imagine doing it any other way!" She has been homeschooling 11 years now, so I imagine this gets frustrating. Hang in there, smile, and assure your friends that you are living your life with gusto!

[Elizabeth Conley]

Some people are acquaintances. They're pleasant to be around, but there's no real connection. If it's pleasant for you and the kids to socialize with this bunch of gals and their kids, then go ahead. I certainly wouldn't say anything to rock their boat.

 

I wouldn't mistake them for friends either. They sound a bit shallow and silly. I don't think they'll be anywhere in sight if you need to lean on a friend for a while, and they don't sound like the kind of people you can confide in either.

 

Just keep it light and breezy. There's no sense in hurting your kids' social life because you don't have a strong connection with the parents of their playmates. That's pretty much par for the course anyway. When you have kids, you go along to get along with their friend's moms.

 

As your kids get older, you may find that it more important to find families with compatible values to socialize with. You'll cross that bridge if you come to it. While the kids are young, things are simpler.

Edited June 10, 2009 by Elizabeth Conley

[Chris in VA]

watching my "stories."

:lol::lol: My mom used to call soaps "my stories," too!

 

But seriously.

I'm convinced that there are very few people out there that consider homeschooling a poor choice. I think many, many folks have either been so steeped in the culture of the school mentality that they just can't fathom another way to educate, or they feel a subtle judgment that somehow their choice to send their kids out of the home for school is not good enough.

 

I mean, think about it--homeschooling is counter to so much in this country--it's rare to find kids' books written with homeschooled characters, or tv shows or other media that supports the idea. Politicians are always talking about school reform, and even marketing supports the idea of going to school (Back to School sales, for example). It's almost a given in this country that kids will attend school. So, when someone says they are homeschooling, the idea is simply so foreign and unusual to many people that they react with curiosity or even disdain, just like when someone does other things that are not mainstream. I know it really never occurred to me that I could homeschool, back when my boys were little (although I did get asked by my middle son, strangely enough)--it wasn't popular and as supported as it is nowadays.

 

For those kind of situations (when I know the idea is completely foreign), I just say how it's been working for us, and I change the subject, because it can quickly get into Part B, where someone feels judged for not making the homeschool choice. I can't really stay polite if I tell them how bad I feel the schools are, how they are doing my smart kid a disservice by not giving her enough good lit and math, how the peer influence is not something I want to expose my kid to...Because everything I say in that vein carries the subtle undertone of, "You are making a carpy choice in sending your child to a place like that." I don't find that to be kind, even if I feel that way.

 

Now that we have tried elementary school for our youngest and are trying to bring her home next year, I feel I have to be extra aware of how I phrase things. The last thing I want to do is make someone feel defensive and guilty for sending her child to school--it gives homeschoolers a bad name, I think. In my quest to spread the "good news" of homeschooling, I'd rather show a joyful perspective, not a braggy, "we have it so much better than you" kind of attitude. Even if I definitely feel we do.

[Marylou]

When someone who is older, such as my Dad's wife (who has no children in school anymore) asks me, "Are you going to school them all through the years?" I say kindly, "Well, we take one year at a time, like most things in life (more like one DAY at a time :001_smile:). If someone seems to want more info I say, "Homeschooling really works well for our family. I can plan our own field trips (the when and the where); I have no permission slips to sign (and lose!), we can go on vacation when it suits us, no pajama day, no wear your clothes backwards day, no cupcake making (unless I REALLY feel like it!), and most of all NO HOMEWORK to take time away from family togetherness in the afternoon and evenings!

 

Usually when I say something like this in a kind, not "I have it better than you" kind of way, folks see homeschooling DOES have a lot of positives.

[jenL]

Thank you for this post! I'm also a newer homeschooler, and these comments (or even facial expressions when the subject comes up) still ruffle my feathers. I find myself feeling defensive although I don't say anything back. I have one "friend" who does a great job pointing out all the "wonderful" things her son (my ds's best friend) is doing at school that we're missing out on (school plays, fundraising prizes, etc). She made some comments in the beginning of my journey that were so hurtful. So, my experience with her has me cautious of other people's comments. Another woman at church has no issues saying my son's behavior (when he's acting like a typical goofy 6yo boy) would be fixed "if I would just put him in school". I feel like the comments are all around constantly...

 

Thank you for all the responses to help me focus on the great choice we've made for my family and ways to keep it all in perspective. :)

[musicianmom]

Missing out on fundraising prizes? Seriously?

:lol:

 

That's the stupidest thing I've heard since my MIL told me kids need to go to school so they can learn to stand in line.

[Tammyla]

Dealing with repeat commenters has become a hobby of mine. One way to handle it with a little bit of grace is to simply smile, and say..."So you're saying (fill in the blank)" and then chuckle." This keeps me from getting silently frustrated or them from becoming overly defensive.

 

:grouphug: I don't really care about acquaintance remarks, but the people we care about can deliver stinging blows without knowing how hurtful they are. With my mil, I usually smile and say something along the lines of you don't say...or my hearing conviently fails so many times she gets sick of repeating herself....:001_huh:

 

My theory is now that ps school is out and summer has arrived, many of my friends want to hang out at the park, the pool etc.

 

Nothing wrong with that. My kids love seeing their kids. But my friends inevitably slip in comments about "what have you decided to do for next year?" Or "sometimes you just gotta put 'em in school and get on with your own life."

 

You get the idea. They're not hard hitting comments. Those I could deal with. They're just slipped in comments. I tend to just nod and go blank and not say anything.

 

Plus I don't really have any interest in having a "knock out, drag out" fight about these mild, but annoying comments at the park or pool. I just want my kids to have a nice day. Period.

 

But one week into summer, I'm already getting sick of it.

 

I'm still new to hs. How to deal??

 

Alicia

[Karen sn]

But my friends inevitably slip in comments about "what have you decided to do for next year?" Or "sometimes you just gotta put 'em in school and get on with your own life."

 

Alicia

 

Yes, because getting them up in the dark of morning and sitting at the dinner table with 2 hours or more of homework is sooooooo much fun.

I would say that or just let them know that you had kids because you wanted to share your life with them.

 

I might even ask what these women do all day long that is getting on with their lives. Don't they revolve their entire day around getting kids off to school and then getting them back? To say nothing of all the other demands of public schools.....fund raisers, teacher meetings, dealing with the bullies on the bus, etc.....

 

"I just can't imagine being on someone else's schedule. We can do whatever we want, whenever we want. I actually feel so sorry for all the parents whose lives revolve around the school board's scheduling and decisions."

 

Or you could ask how much time they spend with their kids on homework.

I find that some parents spend an hour to 3 hours every day working on basic homework. Then there are the science projects and other such things that need adult supervision. Do they even take their kids to the library? To the park on the first sunny day of Spring?

 

Homeschooling IS getting on with life!!!!

And I think it's way easier than all the traditional school crap.

[Garga]

I've just recently learned that there's no point in giving lots of explanations. If someone is against hs-ing they're just going to misinterpret anything you say, anyway.

 

I just had a conversation with the Principal and his wife of a local private school. We had them to dinner, because they're lovely people, are associate pastors at our church and we get along well with them in many areas. But obviously, as the school principals, they are pro-brick and mortal school.

 

They mentioned that one of their students was taken out of school because the mom wanted them to be able to "do fun things in the afternoon." They disapproved. According to them, kids need to learn that life isn't all about having fun all day. There are responsibilities. Oooo-kay. This kid is only 8. What's so wrong with getting your work done and then doing fun things (like going to museums and on nature walks) in the afternoon?

 

And then I mentioned (and I wish I hadn't) that part (and only part) of why we hs is that my son is hyperactive and also advanced academically. This means that in a regular school he already knows the material or grasps it very quicky, then gets bored, and then gets disruptive. They just told me that he needs to learn how to be less selfish and that it isn't all about him. He needs to be taught that sometimes life is boring and he needs to be able to deal with it. GRRRRR. He's 6. We still have another 12 years for him to deal with his boredom issues. Does it have to dealt with RIGHT NOW at the expense of him losing his love of learning? No.

 

Well, I'm painting them to be awful people. They're not. We just don't agree on these issues. They were polite about it, but they were committed to their opinions and I'm committed to mine. And I think they really believed that they were helping me by giving me an different point of view. Really--they weren't trying to be snarky. They thought they were giving me the benefit of their experience as educators.

 

Needless to say, we all gracefully changed the subject.

 

And I learned to just forget about trying to explain why I do what I do. If someone is interested because they may homeschool one day, that's fine. But if they are totally on the other side of the fence, just save your breath. It'll just make you feel bad to engage them. Short and vague answers are good enough.

[Karen sn]

Not all of my close friends homeschool, but my close friends support our decision because they know that it is a sacrificial choice that we've made and continue to be committed to.

 

 

Not being snarky. Just curious what you have sacrificed?

Because I honestly do not think I have sacrificed anything.

 

For me, sacrificing would be if I had to put her into a brick and mortar school.

Imagine the daily alarm clock, the rush to get out of the house with everything they need for their 8 hour day, the homework at night, being on someone else's schedule with no freedom to go to the library, museum, or nature hike when the mood hits.

 

I think it is far more work to do traditional school and turn your kids over to someone you don't know and with whom you have a completely different set of priorities. THAT would be so hard for me. To undo the brainwashing and dunbing down that occur in school is way more work than doing it right the first time.

[athena1277]

"what have you decided to do for next year?"

 

"Bear wrestling. Bean dip?"

 

"sometimes you just gotta put 'em in school and get on with your own life."

 

"I've lived my own life. Not so exciting. I much prefer living vicariously through my children. Bean dip?"

 

I prefer to give ridiculous answers to dumb comments and then move on before the other party can respond. Generally they laugh. It helps to spend a little time each dau thinking of clever responses so you're always armed. :D

 

 

Exactly what I was thinking. A good helping of bean dip. :D What would we do without it?!

[Karen sn]

My friend from AR goes through a similar aggravation every.single.summer when she goes in the Superintendent's office to turn in her intent form. The secretary (she has known for years) asks, "So, when are you going to enroll J for a traditional school year? Aren't you getting tired of all this?" :glare: My friend always replies, "I'm just having so much fun with her, I can't imagine doing it any other way!" She has been homeschooling 11 years now, so I imagine this gets frustrating. Hang in there, smile, and assure your friends that you are living your life with gusto!

 

"Aren't you getting tired of asking the same question every year? Or have you lost your ability to remember the answer I have given every single year?"

Said with a huge sweet smile.

[OnTheBrink]

Q: So, what are you doing next year?

 

A: OH, We're so excited! I found a great history curriculum with activity sheets and even a script for a play about the middle ages! We're also reading some children's Shakespeare stories and having a medieval feast! AND! For science, we'll be studying birds and astronomy and magnets! I got this great science kit with all these really cool doodads for experiments. The kids can't wait! I found an excellent language arts program that incorporates...[their eyes are now glassy and they're very sorry they asked because they have NO clue what you're talking about, since they have NO clue what their own kids learn about or what curriculum is being used at the Academy of Governmental Indoctrination.]

 

Q: When are you going to put them in school and get on with your own life?

 

A:[chuckling] This IS my own life! I have the career of my dreams and I make my own choices every day. I can give my children so much more than my parents gave me--I can't imagine life any better than what my life is now. [smile sweetly]

[Elizabeth Conley]

Q: So, what are you doing next year?

 

A: OH, We're so excited! I found a great history curriculum with activity sheets and even a script for a play about...yadda...yadda ya...too much information...more information...gush...exclaim...way, way too much information...and on, and on!

 

OK, I admit it. I often do that, just naturally. Home schooling is so exciting, and it is my life. It does torture the casual inquirant, so I'm trying to cut back. I never thought of doing it on purpose to people who deserve to be tortured.

 

Good one!

[Georgiana Daniels]

Q: So, what are you doing next year?

 

A: OH, We're so excited! I found a great history curriculum with activity sheets and even a script for a play about the middle ages! We're also reading some children's Shakespeare stories and having a medieval feast! AND! For science, we'll be studying birds and astronomy and magnets! I got this great science kit with all these really cool doodads for experiments. The kids can't wait! I found an excellent language arts program that incorporates...[their eyes are now glassy and they're very sorry they asked because they have NO clue what you're talking about, since they have NO clue what their own kids learn about or what curriculum is being used at the Academy of Governmental Indoctrination.]

 

Q: When are you going to put them in school and get on with your own life?

 

A:[chuckling] This IS my own life! I have the career of my dreams and I make my own choices every day. I can give my children so much more than my parents gave me--I can't imagine life any better than what my life is now. [smile sweetly]

 

I love this answer! It's been 3 years since I last homeschooled, and already the questions from family/friends are flying. Most people, I believe, have a genuine concern for the kids, but there are some who have an agenda behind their questions. Honestly, I don't think they realize how much time/love/effort/preparation goes into educating our children, especially when they send theirs to the institution.

[iquilt]

My favorites are the "I don't know how I'm going to survive the whole summer with my kids" comments. Mostly they don't realize what they've said until I just smile :) Of course my kids all have summer activities so for us, summer is the time when I get some free time, more so than during the school year.

[Alice]

Your (the OP) kids are about the same age as my son. I think one reason that the conversation turns to school more at this age is that school is new for everyone. I also have noticed that often people just don't know what to say when I say we're homeschooling. At the pool or the park, it comes up as "Is C. starting school next year?" I say no, we're homeschooling and the conversation just dies. I'm sure some of them don't approve, some don't know what to say and some may even think that I think the are terrible for not homeschooling. It's just kind of a conversation killer. So often I turn the conversation back to their kids..."Where does Joe go to school again? ...I've heard that's a great school, does he like it? Oh that's great...etc." Just makes it clear I'm not judging them and takes the focus off of my choice.

 

I usually just kind of ignore comments that are borderline negative. Most of the time, especially in a casual setting, it's not worth it. Now if I had someone who was genuinely interested I would share more.

[flyingmommy]

My favorites are the "I don't know how I'm going to survive the whole summer with my kids" comments. Mostly they don't realize what they've said until I just smile :) Of course my kids all have summer activities so for us, summer is the time when I get some free time, more so than during the school year.

 

A friend of mine posted on her Facebook wall that it was the second day of summer vacation and she was sick of her kids already. Then she said maybe she should get a second job so she could send them away to camp for two months.

 

I thought this was the saddest thing I've ever read. I can only imagine what her children would feel if they read that comment.

 

Jeannie

[NorthwestMom]

I agree with everyone else. Smile, say something exciting about what you've been doing, and let the conversation move on. I have a lot of friends in our neighborhood PS, and we do sit around the pool all summer. I hear those type of anti-homeschooling remarks, but I also far more stories of complaint and dissatisfaction with the schools. The parents just don't believe that homeschooling is a realistic choice for them, so they put up with a lot of craziness that made me abandon the PS ship many years ago. Just wait and see, as your kids get older you'll start hearing a lot of stories about unfair teachers, poor curriculum, too much homework.... the list goes on.

[Lovedtodeath]

Not being snarky. Just curious what you have sacrificed?

 

Afternoon naps with baby. Lunch with my friends or mom. Shopping trips without a young child asking for things, causing me to make driving mistakes with non-stop chatter. Quiet times during the day where I can think. Being able to work outside of the home. Times where the kids are asleep and I am not.

 

Obviously, I love homeschooling. But I do really, really, miss the things that I have sacrificed.

[Impish]

Yeah, the 'I'm sick of my kids already and its only x day of summer' comment kills me too. Especially because these are usually the same parent that complains all year long about how the teacher just doesn't understand her poor boy, and is just targeting him, he's couldn't possibly be that bad, blah blah blah. *sigh*

 

It never fails to shock and sadden me, the number of parents that don't seem to be able to enjoy their own children for a prolonged period.

[Lovedtodeath]

 

Yeah, the 'I'm sick of my kids already and its only x day of summer' comment kills me too.

:iagree:Love your siggy btw.

[Greta]

I think it's just best to respond with genuinely effervescent and enthusiastic comments about how much fun you've had the past year or years and how much you are looking forward to the coming year! People just always seem a little surprised and usually I get a comment like, "oh, that's right -- you actually like spending time with your kids." Unbelieveable, I know, but it really kind of shocks people!

 

:iagree: I've found that nothing shuts down negative comments quicker than a very enthusiastic positive reply! I try to come across like homeschooling is the most natural and wonderful thing in the world, and therefore my choice isn't open to debate or discussion at all. But I also try to be simply positive about homeschooling, and never negative about public school, because then *they* will feel defensive and judged.

[Catwoman]

A friend of mine posted on her Facebook wall that it was the second day of summer vacation and she was sick of her kids already. Then she said maybe she should get a second job so she could send them away to camp for two months.

 

I thought this was the saddest thing I've ever read. I can only imagine what her children would feel if they read that comment.

 

 

Wow, Jeannie -- that is just awful! And what makes it even sadder is that so many moms will probably chime in to say they agree with her.

 

I feel so sorry for that woman's children. :(

 

Cat

[Dirtroad]

Gosh, give them a HEAD-BUTT!

 

I just tell them that we see no need to put them into a public school. We use a very aggressive curriculum and they are thriving. Why would I want to interupt that and begin worrying about who is wearing what and who did WHAT? on the school bus.

 

I also tell them that it is so awesome b/c we get to go on amazing field trips & can plan our school around any family celebrations, needs or tragedies. We don' t have to ask a stranger for permission to live our life.

 

I try to word it positively but also with a jab or two. I try really hard to make them drool!

[sagira]

Your (the OP) kids are about the same age as my son. I think one reason that the conversation turns to school more at this age is that school is new for everyone. I also have noticed that often people just don't know what to say when I say we're homeschooling. At the pool or the park, it comes up as "Is C. starting school next year?" I say no, we're homeschooling and the conversation just dies. I'm sure some of them don't approve, some don't know what to say and some may even think that I think the are terrible for not homeschooling. It's just kind of a conversation killer. So often I turn the conversation back to their kids..."Where does Joe go to school again? ...I've heard that's a great school, does he like it? Oh that's great...etc." Just makes it clear I'm not judging them and takes the focus off of my choice.

 

I usually just kind of ignore comments that are borderline negative. Most of the time, especially in a casual setting, it's not worth it. Now if I had someone who was genuinely interested I would share more.

 

:iagree:

 

It's truly sad that someone would post about being sick of their kids on Facebook -- a public forum. I'm not a saint by any means, and some days it's hard, but every day I am grateful that I have this precious opportunity to be raising, guiding and teaching my own children at home. It's a privilege, a commitment and a blessing.

 

When it gets hard with comments from other people I think, what's the alternative? If I listen to them and send my kids to a traditional school every day and watch them graduate, I will have to live with the regret of not listening to my heart and mind and follow my own instincts. I will have lost something irreplaceable. I value closeness and togetherness, growing and learning together, and family above all. And it shows. I think. I hope :)

Edited June 10, 2009 by sagira