Tinkerbell11599 Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 How many of you have support from family members, friends, etc? We are running into roadblocks with our parents. We mentioned to them recently that we were thinking of homeschooling (I say thinking of because we wanted to get their take on it not telling them how serious we are thinking of it though) and their reactions were not supportive. My mother keeps saying things like "what happens if you have a migraine?" or "what about sending them to St. Mary's?" (a private Catholic elementary school that would cost us $3700 for our ds for the upcoming school year not including uniforms). Next year's cost for ds would be higher and add to that our dd #1 costs to attend (tuition and uniforms) and just forget it. My in-laws aren't much better..."oh you don't WANT to do THAT!!! Your kids are smart...you won't be able to HANDLE their abilities as they grew up" (side note: we adopted 3 from Korea so the stereotype of "Asians are smart in Math and Science" is being said here). My father-in-law is a public middle school math teacher who, in the past, also taught middle school science as well. Did those people who disagreed with you at the beginning come around or did they never understand why you homeschool? JenC from Upstate NY Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carrie12345 Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 Most of my family sits in the "don't ask, don't tell" camp. There are a lot of public school teachers in my tree, and I think most of them are afraid to discuss the topic. My biggest supporter is my mom's aunt (another public school teacher), but I only get the chance to gush with her once or twice a year. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
I talk to the trees Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 Ooh, ooh! Looks like I get to be the first to give you the "bean dip" advice! Q (from well-meaning relative): Do you really think you can teach them all they need to know? A: Yep. Want some bean dip? Q: But they'll be so isolated! Aren't you afraid they'll end up unsocialized? A: Nope. Here, try my bean dip! Q: But what about all the *advanced* subjects like geometry and chemistry? A: Well, I passed those subjects, so I must understand the material. And we'll deal with that when the time comes. No really, you should try the bean dip. It's tasty. Relatives will eventually figure out, as my in-laws did, that you're handling the youngins' education just fine. And they might, like my parents, become real supporters when they see your success! -Robin Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lionfamily1999 Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 My mom vacillates, but then, she always does. My dad called me a dirty hippy one day and a snob the next. Regardless of what they say to ME, they tell ds how proud they are with all that he's learning. My brother and sil think it's fantastic and want lots of notes so they can start when dn is old enough. My sister is very quiet about it. They were loud, until we started, now most complaints are muttered, or else they're talking about me behind my back, but you know what? I don't care. The proof is in the pudding and Andrew is thriving. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kanga Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 We had a lot of resistance from our family, and I wasn't as diplomatic as you are. I simply told them we had decided to homeschool and everyone thought it was an awful idea and told us so (and said many of the same things your family said). That was 14 years ago, now the grandparents are bigger advocates of homeschooling than I am and thing I should be nominated for sainthood! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heidi @ Mt Hope Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 My parents and sisters are my biggest cheer-leaders. Almost all of my friends and even aquaintances homeschool. However, my in-laws were probably in the anti-homeschooling camp. Their relationship with dh is kind of complicated to explain (they aren't his biological parents), but they have been extremely supportive of us as a couple and as a family. We simply didn't tell them right away about our plans. It still only comes up in passing and is treated similar to politics and religion. I appreciate their willingness to not make negative comments about it and still be close to us! If it helps at all, I've typed up a list of reasons why we homeschool that have helped me explain our decision to others who don't happen to agree or support homeschooling. Several people have mentioned to me that it also helped them explain their decision to family and friends. You can read it here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pamela H in Texas Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 My parents were against it in the beginning and hubby's family just thought I was running the show and had to do everything differently. But I wasn't like you. I was running my mouth about homeschooling from the time my kids were toddlers. So I guess I invited some of the discussion. But finally people kept their opinions to themselves, except my mom but her tune changed...well, about one of my kids. The other she still felt should be in school...until recently when she felt I really HAD to homeschool him too :) Basically, once you make the final choice and start doing it, you'll need to get some tough skin at very first and be firm with "this is what we believe is best for our family. Thanks for your concern. How is your rose garden going this year?" They very likely will either learn to mind their own business (they raised their kids; it's your turn) or they will start supporting you :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melissel Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 My mother, while supportive of us in general and doing everything she can to help us be successful, thinks I am making the wrong choice, and given an opportunity, will expound on this. About 6-8 months ago, I did finally have to tell her that the issue was no longer up for discussion--that the decision had been made, and that was that. She's our babysitter (I work from home), and she's here 20 hours a week. I told that I valued her in the girls' lives and that I considered her as much as a teacher as I am, but that if it was too difficult to watch me do this, I understood if she needed to not be our babysitter anymore. She's upstairs right now doing valentines with the girls :D Occasionally, I have to reiterate that it's not up for discussion anymore, but I hold my ground. I think my dad thinks it's the wrong choice as well, but he knows that I am the female version of him, and telling me not to homeschool will only make my resolve stronger. He also would never criticize me and is wrapped around the girls' little fingers, so he doesn't say a word. Frankly, I have no idea what my Puerto Rican ILs think--probably that I'm that crazy progressive white girl, the same thing they've always thought about my breastfeeding, co-sleeping, organic food consumption, etc. They also keep their opinions to themselves, and I love them all the more for it :D I agree with the bean dip idea, and I think you will need to be prepared to stand your ground and repeat, "This issue is not up for debate. We love you, and you raised your children as you saw fit, and we are raising ours as we see fit. We believe this is the best possible life we can give her, and that is that." They will keep trying to knock you down, so if you really believe HSing is your calling, then do not let them do it to you. To their credit, I'm sure they have your children's best interests at heart. But so do you, and you know your family's needs best. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
athena1277 Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 I am blessed to have LOTS of great friends who are homeschooling. Actually, if my dd went to ps, she would be the "odd" one with her friends. My mom really questioned our decision at first. Her biggest worry - socialization of course. I gave her some good answers to that I had learned and let it go. Now that we have been hsing for over 1/2 a year and she can see how wonderfully dd is doing, she rarely says anything negative about it. My in-laws are the kind of people who are very reluctant to ever give their opinion (unlike me :D). They seem to be very supportive of it, but at the same time they make a big deal of getting dd to read something to them every time they see her. That makes me question their true feelings. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 Ooh, ooh! Looks like I get to be the first to give you the "bean dip" advice! Here is a link to the actual "Bean Dip" approach. It's a bit more than changing the subject. http://goybparenting.com/?page_id=28 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mcconnellboys Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 My parents have never been supportive of us, in general, or very involved in our lives, so what they think about hsing is of little importance to me. My Mother is a retired high school teacher and she vacillates between being all for it and frowning on it, depending upon who she's talked to lately or what she's read in her TEA magazine. I guess it might be a lot easier to deal with disapproval if you're not really close to your families or involved with them, sorry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KristenS Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 I can say, if you have a migraine ... you do very, very quiet subjects that day. :-) Keep a stash of fun-yet-educational coloring sheets in an emergency folder, and a stash of Reading Rainbow and Magic School Bus videos. Plus snacks. :-D I deal with health issues, one of which has turned out to be migraines in the last couple years (yippee). We get through it. I'm lucky to only get one or two a month; I'm sure it would be harder if that was more often. Lessons that can be done in small chunks, books you can snuggle on the sofa to read, and independent learning activities, are all things that will help you through any sick days you encounter. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommyof4ks Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 We had no family support in the beginning, but we had friends so we just decided to keep schooling an off limits topic until the parents came around. It did not take long for them to realize that perhaps there was something to homeschooling, and my parents LOVE that they get to spend more time with the kids during the day going on field trips with us and such. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renthead Mommy Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 My mom and her husband don't really care one way or the other. I'm ususally wrong no matter what I do! LOL! So I don't worry about it. They think my son is smart and doing great. Whether that's because I'm homeschooling him or because they just think that how he is, I don't know. I've learned it's not worth worrying about. When my FIL first found out we were going to hs, his only comment was "I'm not so sure I like the idea of this whole homeschooling thing." My answer - "Well it's a good thing your son's in his 30's all done with school. Then it's not something you have to worry about for YOUR child." That was his first and last comment. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ElizabethB Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 My military friends are very supportive. You move enough and you see some bad schools, plus it is a disruptive life, so people appreciate your wanting to keep school a constant. My in-Laws have been supportive from the beginning. My parents thought we were crazy at first, now they like to brag that their granddaughter can read War and Peace. (Not quite, but she is reading very well.) I also always point out when they visit that they would only have been able to see my daughter a bit if she was in school, lately I haven't had to be the one to bring that up, my Mom has, and appreciates being able to see them both a lot when she visits. We had one neighbor when we were in the Northern VA area who was very anti-homeschooling. Her daughter told my daughter that I shouldn't be teaching her because the teachers knew more than me. My daughter asked me about this, very upset. I told her that that was not true at all, that I had taught dozens of kids to read whose teachers hadn't been able to teach them to read, and that while there were some teachers out there who knew more than me, I knew more than most of them, especially about teaching reading. My dad taught public school for 25 years and is now an advocate of school choice and homeschooling. (He's one of the experienced teachers out there that DO know more than me. I e-mail him and Don Potter and post here if I have questions about non-reading areas of teaching.) From my surveys of hundreds of childrens' reading grade levels in several different states, homeschoolers are doing a much better job teaching reading than the public schools. Catholic schools and homeschoolers are the only ones consistently using good phonics methods with few sight words. Some Protestant schools are good, some secular private schools are good, 99% of public schools teach the Dolch Sight words and 30 to 40% of the children in schools taught with sight words have some degree of reading problems. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 Of course if you had asked the hive first, (you will learn to do this) we would have told you to wait and tell them you are homeschooling just before graduation. :) LOL! :D I had to learn that my family was not the one to bounce ideas off of re. homeschooling nor were they the people to go to when I was insecure or things were a bit bumpy. That is why I come to this board - because I get advice from those who truly have BTDT. I do go to my family to brag about my kid's accomplishments (which I would do even if they accomplished something in ps). I fill them in on our activities and try to foster warm relationships between my children and the extended family. This boundary of what I discuss/don't discuss with them has worked well. But then they've also seen over the years that my kids are not total misfits and indeed have learned to read and count. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 Of course if you had asked the hive first, (you will learn to do this) we would have told you to wait and tell them you are homeschooling just before graduation. :) oops. double post. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hen Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 my parents were didn't get it at first, and they were sorely disappointed that they could not walk down to the corner and wave hi to my oldest dd in kindergarten ( I guess they were really looking forward to that, who knew?:001_huh:) it finally dawned on them that they were welcome to stop by my house and not only say hi but take her home for half the day, much better! They are supportive now. My in-laws aren't really interested, don't ask, don't tell, but it helps now that dh's sister is now homeschooling her 4 boys. My sister once told someone, it got back to me, that she was waiting till my kids hit teenage years and rebelled and she was betting they would run away from home. That really hurt. She now has 3 kids, 5 and under, and at Thanksgiving she asked me about homeschooling.:lol: I've never had a cheering section, but it is our life and I don't really need anyone's pat on the back, or at least if I did in the beginning, I've grown past that. I did learn to only grouse about daily homeschool 'stuff' with other homeschoolers, not the family-it only fuels the reasons why you should put them in school. good luck, I pray you find some kindred spirits. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JennifersLost Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 The proof is in the pudding, as they say. My family was NOT into it at first, but a year or two ago I had the pleasure of listening to my mother stand up for homeschoolers passionately when a guest at her party made a flip remark about homeschooling. It really warmed my heart. Anytime you do something different you upset people's worldview. People often take it as an attack on what they did or are doing currently. Don't engage. Don't worry about it (hard at first, then later it gets easier). Just stick to your guns. You can do it! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paz Posted January 31, 2009 Share Posted January 31, 2009 My parents were extremely upset. They didn't think I could stick to a schedule and "make" my kids do anything. Once they saw my ds's 3rd grade test scores (testing is mandatory in grade 3 in PA) they relaxed a little. Now they are very pro homeschooling. My mother even argues in favor of homeschooling whenever her friends make negative comments. :lol: My dh's family is very relaxed and accepts everyone and their ideas so I never have any pressure from his side on anything. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted January 31, 2009 Share Posted January 31, 2009 My kids are pre school age so I'm happy to rabbit on about it all whenever I have the opportunity. After doing that for two years, the idea no longer seems quite so weird and freaky, because they've heard it all before. Once my kids do reach school age, I'll button up. The general idea in my family is that I'm going to follow through with my peculiar ideas because that's what I do, and they are sure I'm smart enough to notice if it isn't working. The major concern is not the kids' education, but that my poor husband has been bullied into agreeing to it. *shrug* Rosie- who persuaded, not bullied! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nova mama Posted January 31, 2009 Share Posted January 31, 2009 Ooh, ooh! Looks like I get to be the first to give you the "bean dip" advice! Q (from well-meaning relative): Do you really think you can teach them all they need to know? A: Yep. Want some bean dip? Q: But they'll be so isolated! Aren't you afraid they'll end up unsocialized? A: Nope. Here, try my bean dip! Q: But what about all the *advanced* subjects like geometry and chemistry? A: Well, I passed those subjects, so I must understand the material. And we'll deal with that when the time comes. No really, you should try the bean dip. It's tasty. Relatives will eventually figure out, as my in-laws did, that you're handling the youngins' education just fine. And they might, like my parents, become real supporters when they see your success! -Robin :D:D:D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lulubelle Posted January 31, 2009 Share Posted January 31, 2009 My mother thinks we are crazy and my children belong in school and I should be out feeling good about making money and working at a wonderful job outside the house that totally fulfills me. We basically just keep the subject of homeschooling in the closet, along with religion. Not so great, since I talk with her quite a bit. Three of my siblings pretty much think the same as my mother and would never bring it up. One of my siblings thinks is great. My husbands parents experience with homeschooling, while they were in public education their whole careers, was kids that had to be brought up to grade level after being way behind. They have seen no positive side to it, therefore it doesn't exist. They are skeptical and also sort of don't really care. They want to talk about the weather and endlessly about their health. My husbands sister would never bring it up. I'm new to it and I need to get that whole "bean dip" thing down. And, also just not bothering to bring it up to most people - it is really a conversation breaker! There are 6 elementary schools in our town and I think I'm just going to tell people we go the what ever one they don't! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chiguirre Posted January 31, 2009 Share Posted January 31, 2009 Did those people who disagreed with you at the beginning come around or did they never understand why you homeschool? My parents and in-laws are very supportive of hsing because they saw all the struggles we went through with ps. When someone does make an anti-hsing comment to me, I usually shut them down with my tried and true: It was either hire a lawyer or homeschool. Really, what more can you say? I don't discuss hsing that much IRL and a lot of my friends don't hs, but I have no doubts about my hsing choice and I don't brook anyone's snide comments about it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whitestavern Posted January 31, 2009 Share Posted January 31, 2009 When I first made the decision to homeschool, my sister was the only one that was supportive of me. She thought it was fantastic. It took a little bit to get my dh on board. My parents were totally against it at first. My mother kept saying "how can you do that to them?" (the kids). My inlaws didn't say anything to my face but I know they thought I was a freak, as did all my husband's siblings. Most of them still think that! However, both sets of parents have totally come around. Now my mom says "you can never send your kids to ps!". So while there are certainly no guarantees, I think once you get some hs time under your belt and people see that things are going just fine, they'll relax about it and may even become very supportive. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StaceyinLA Posted January 31, 2009 Share Posted January 31, 2009 My dad (though he passed away 13 years ago) was very supportive. I really don't think he wanted to see his precious granddaughters in public schools. Things were getting pretty bad at that point and there were a lot of random violent acts starting to really break out (and we all know that hasn't gotten better). My mom was fine as well. I hated school and she knew it so I don't think she was ever bothered about it at all. I have a couple of siblings that questioned it of course, but they have all turned out fine. They haven't encouraged their kids to home school their grandkids or anything, but they don't think I'm a weirdo. My brother and his wife actually home schooled their twin boys for a year in high school. Of course, she is horribly lazy and it was a disaster, but they have always been supportive of the idea. I don't think it would bother me if I didn't have a lot of support. I tend to be a rebel. It's funny though, my dh (he is not my children's father) told me before we got married that I wasn't going to teach my son that way (hs him). Of course at that point we were NOT married and I told him that I was, indeed, going to teach my son that way just like his sisters. Now dh would never WANT ds going to school. It's funny how things turn out!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aggie Posted January 31, 2009 Share Posted January 31, 2009 My mom vacillates, but then, she always does. My dad called me a dirty hippy one day and a snob the next. Regardless of what they say to ME, they tell ds how proud they are with all that he's learning. My brother and sil think it's fantastic and want lots of notes so they can start when dn is old enough. My sister is very quiet about it. They were loud, until we started, now most complaints are muttered, or else they're talking about me behind my back, but you know what? I don't care. The proof is in the pudding. A dirty hippy?!!!:rofl: I'll have to remember that one! Ditto to the second paragraph, too. My parents questioned MY ability to teach them. No questions when I was teaching 150 students a day. Nope. My biggest compliment came last summer when my dad told a lady in town that hsing was the best thing she could do for her kids. Of course, he hasn't told ME that, yet.:glare: BTW...we lived in Saratoga when dh was stationed at the navy clinic there. LOVE it up there! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aubrey Posted January 31, 2009 Share Posted January 31, 2009 My mom always wanted to hs, so she's very supportive. If I could just get her to stop calling during school hours, that would be really great. :lol: Ils were really against it in the beginning. They were also against natural, out-of-hospital births. We've had lots of discussions, all civilized, some sarcastic, but in the end, they've actually said how glad they are that I'm hs'ing the dc. They came around by convincing themselves that schools have changed a lot since their dc were kids. That was easy for them to do when I was teaching & they had an inside view of the school (that dh, fil, bil, etc. for 3-4 generations of their family attended). They still aren't as wildly interested in what we're doing as I'd like, but they're generous & passionate about *us* & incredibly supportive & kind. I guess that's good enough. :lol: I think the main thing is whether you're dealing w/ good people. If you are, either they'll come around to some extent, or they'll eat the bean dip. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tap Posted January 31, 2009 Share Posted January 31, 2009 One of the nicest things my mom has ever said to me was about my homeschooling our children, she said "if any one can do it, you can." Coming from her, that was a Huge compliment. Dhs mom wasn't keen on the idea, but I don't ever talk to her, so it isn't really a problem. Dh's dad and step mom are supportive, but I don't know if they would tell me if they weren't. They are more of the smile and nod crowd. Dh is a huge supporter of what we are doing so if anyone gave him grief behind my back, he would shut them down very quick. The rest of the family has been supportive in as much as they haven't tried to talk me out of it. That is the best I can expect of them. Education isn't really valued by most of my family, but everyone knows I do, so I guess they figure I will make sure my kids are educated well enough. I have faced a few eyebrows over the years, but I can convert just about anyone to see the benefits of homeschooling and I like to debate, so if anyone picks an anti homeschooling topic, I can have them agreeing with me soon enough. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom0012 Posted January 31, 2009 Share Posted January 31, 2009 Fortunately for me, my mother had friends she had made at Community Bible Study who homeschool. She had spent time with their kids and it made a positive impression on her. So, when I told her I was thinking of homeschool, she was surprisingly supportive. I didn't even want to tell my Dad, but I think my mother must have gently introduced the idea to him. He very quickly got on board and is one of my strongest supporters. My in-laws have basically kept their mouths shut. They have been very careful in what they've said to me. I don't think they really approve and every once in a while ask me if I'll send the kids to school at some point, but they don't give me any grief, for which I am thankful. Lisa Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tinkerbell11599 Posted February 1, 2009 Author Share Posted February 1, 2009 Thanks!! I'm so glad that I joined this group. Yeah I'll have to learn about the bean dip talk. And I had to laugh about if I had consulted the board first I would have learned not to discuss homeschooling until graduation. Sometimes it's just nice to know that others are on your side and agree with what you're doing. JenC from Upstate NY Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tinkerbell11599 Posted February 1, 2009 Author Share Posted February 1, 2009 I'm in Schenectady County btw. ;) Wendy, I'm sending you a pm. What a small world!! Jen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted February 1, 2009 Share Posted February 1, 2009 M Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moni Posted February 1, 2009 Share Posted February 1, 2009 How many of you have support from family members, friends, etc? What does "support" look like in real life? My siblings have/had kids in public school. Was I supportive of that? What did I do that showed them I was "supportive"? What would people do to me that I would recognize as "support"? :001_huh: Some non-supportive folks come around, but others never do. Why do the grandparents have to agree to this? :001_huh: Also, consider whether they are actually asking a legitimate question or whether they are cloaking their negativism in a statement that ends with a question mark. They are not entitled to answers simply because they ask questions. If they are just making statements, they are entitled to their opinion. I give them permission to be incorrect ;) If push comes to shove, I'd say "No" and/or "I don't know." What are you going to do if you get a migraine? "I don't know." I mean, we are adults. We can cross that bridge when we get to it. :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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