kewb Posted January 11, 2009 Share Posted January 11, 2009 who has taught her children the difference between May I and Can I. I admit-this is a total pet peeve of mine. My two know that if they say Can I my answer will be "I don't know, can you?" or "You can, but that does not mean I will give permission" There was a friend over today and he asked if he could have something to drink and I automatically gave my response as I went to get the water. Total blank stare. No clue about the difference. This is not the first time I have gotten the blank stare. Pet peeve rant over. Thank you for listening. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lovedtodeath Posted January 11, 2009 Share Posted January 11, 2009 Why is it a big deal? I had a teacher that always pointed out the difference, but I guess I don't know why I should bother teaching my kids. It seems old-fashioned? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lakeside Posted January 11, 2009 Share Posted January 11, 2009 who has taught her children the difference between May I and Can I. I admit-this is a total pet peeve of mine. My two know that if they say Can I my answer will be "I don't know, can you?" or "You can, but that does not mean I will give permission" There was a friend over today and he asked if he could have something to drink and I automatically gave my response as I went to get the water. Total blank stare. No clue about the difference. This is not the first time I have gotten the blank stare. Pet peeve rant over. Thank you for listening. You're not alone! I try, I'm not sure how successful I've been, but my son hears the same thing that your kids do! A friend had done such a thorough job instilling this in her son, that he would frequently say something along the lines of, "Mommy, may you please tie my shoes?":lol: It was pretty funny. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kewb Posted January 11, 2009 Author Share Posted January 11, 2009 Why is it a big deal? I had a teacher that always pointed out the difference, but I guess I don't know why I should bother teaching my kids. It seems old-fashioned? In the big scheme of things it is probably not a big deal. It is my own little pet peeve because I am a grammar snob. Old fashioned-perhaps. It irks me when someone says "Can you get me a glass of water?" Yes, I can. I am perfectly capable of fetching a glass of water. Just because I can does not mean I will. There is a difference. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaxMom Posted January 11, 2009 Share Posted January 11, 2009 You're not alone! I try, I'm not sure how successful I've been, but my son hears the same thing that your kids do! A friend had done such a thorough job instilling this in her son, that he would frequently say something along the lines of, "Mommy, may you please tie my shoes?":lol: It was pretty funny. My boys do that. I'll just be putting a big ol' check mark next to that grammar bit. "May I" is a request for permission. "Can I" is a question about ability. And, for my boys, should they learn to read and start cruising the boards "will you" is a request of someone else to do for you. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LBC Posted January 11, 2009 Share Posted January 11, 2009 Well, it doesn't bother me when other people do it, but I tend to correct my kids when they do it - so you can imagine how silly I felt the other day when I started a thread with this error in my subject line.:tongue_smilie: http://www.welltrainedmind.com/forums/showthread.php?t=75374 Of course it's the only part of the post I can't edit! I did make a little comment about it in the post. sigh. Lori Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chelle in MO Posted January 11, 2009 Share Posted January 11, 2009 who has taught her children the difference between May I and Can I. I admit-this is a total pet peeve of mine. My two know that if they say Can I my answer will be "I don't know, can you?" or "You can, but that does not mean I will give permission" There was a friend over today and he asked if he could have something to drink and I automatically gave my response as I went to get the water. Total blank stare. No clue about the difference. This is not the first time I have gotten the blank stare. Pet peeve rant over. Thank you for listening. I'm with you, Kathy. It's just proper, so that's what my kids learn. Chelle Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lovedtodeath Posted January 11, 2009 Share Posted January 11, 2009 So "Will you please get me a glass of water?" is correct. "Would you please get me a glass of water?" Is not correct. Right? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laurel Posted January 11, 2009 Share Posted January 11, 2009 A friend had done such a thorough job instilling this in her son, that he would frequently say something along the lines of, "Mommy, may you please tie my shoes?":lol: It was pretty funny. Yep, that's what we've got going on here. Oh well. It's cute, and it should correct itself at some point. - A fellow grammar snob Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jennifer in NH Posted January 11, 2009 Share Posted January 11, 2009 I teach my kids to say "May I?" as well...we also have no double negatives or slang of any sort. I am a bit of a snob in this area. No one thinks any less of anybody when they speak properly. It is when they don't speak properly that people notice. Anyway, I don't think proper language is old fashoined, just good grammar. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GailV Posted January 11, 2009 Share Posted January 11, 2009 I think my family has absorbed the difference between the two by watching The Music Man dozens and dozens of times since all the adults in the movie are constantly correcting Amaryllis in her use of can/may. It's dh's favorite movie so we watch it ALL THE TIME; and these days whenever anyone mentions can vs. may I automatically think of Monique Vermont asking if she can have a drink of water. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Erica in PA Posted January 11, 2009 Share Posted January 11, 2009 who has taught her children the difference between May I and Can I. I admit-this is a total pet peeve of mine. My two know that if they say Can I my answer will be "I don't know, can you?" or "You can, but that does not mean I will give permission" There was a friend over today and he asked if he could have something to drink and I automatically gave my response as I went to get the water. Total blank stare. No clue about the difference. This is not the first time I have gotten the blank stare. Pet peeve rant over. Thank you for listening. My pet peeve is people who make a big deal about this! LOL Really, though, when I was little I had friends across the street, and whenever I would knock on the door and ask, "Can Eric and Jenny come out to play?," their dad would answer in a very condenscending way, "They have the ABILITY to come out and play." Then I would be forced to say, "MAY Eric and Jenny come out to play?" I hated that!!! He made me feel so dumb. Was he correct about the proper helping verb usage- yeah, I guess so. I just don't think it's an adult's job to teach other children proper grammar. That's for teachers and parents, imo. Erica Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oak Knoll Mom Posted January 11, 2009 Share Posted January 11, 2009 (edited) deleted Edited January 11, 2009 by Oak Knoll Mom Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
buddhabelly Posted January 11, 2009 Share Posted January 11, 2009 It is extra polite. If English works the same way as Italian, the use of the conditional adds an extra measure of politeness. As in, "Mother, would you please tie my shoes?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Doodle Posted January 11, 2009 Share Posted January 11, 2009 who has taught her children the difference between May I and Can I... . Nope, you're not the only one. I've taught my son to ask politely by saying "May I". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kewb Posted January 11, 2009 Author Share Posted January 11, 2009 My pet peeve is people who make a big deal about this! LOL Okay, I deserve that. I try not to correct their friends but sometimes I am unable to help myself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pretty in Pink Posted January 11, 2009 Share Posted January 11, 2009 I do remind my children to say "May I..." instead of "Can I...". I try not to remind other people but it is such a habit that I slip up sometimes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cathmom Posted January 11, 2009 Share Posted January 11, 2009 I like grammar (I have a master's in German - I'd better!) but I don't think I have ever corrected my children about this. It's just not a big deal to me. Elvis has left the building on this one! I seem to recall my parents correcting me about this when I was a child, though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommyof4ks Posted January 11, 2009 Share Posted January 11, 2009 My kids know this too, and we play the same game with them to remind them. My grandmother taught all of the grandkids, so it seemed normal for my kids to learn it also. My DD teaches it to others even when they don't care lol. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MeanestMomInMidwest Posted January 11, 2009 Share Posted January 11, 2009 My mother was a stickler for proper English and manners. I grew into a woman with a love of English language and I can express myself comfortably in a variety of social situations. I appreciate my mother's hard work in this area. I say to my children (not other people or their children), "I'm sure you *can* do X" then I get the "May I" If I hear "I want X" I reply, "I want a lot of things, chief among them, polite children." Then I get the "May I please have...." My son once said to his friend (at our house) after the friend said "I want a cookie" "My mom wants polite children" They may never eat dinner with the Queen, but if they're ever given the chance, they will certainly know how to speak and act! My other pet peeve: Me and Joey.....No, it is "Joey and I." I correct my kids by pretending they're saying "Mean Joey" It does not matter how smart you are, if you cannot express yourself correctly nobody will know. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WTMCassandra Posted January 11, 2009 Share Posted January 11, 2009 Nope. you're definitely not the only one. Big pet peeve here too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SonshineLearner Posted January 11, 2009 Share Posted January 11, 2009 Wow, "can" instead of "may." I even have my children say, "Yes Ma'am" instead of "yeh." I also say, "It is I or it is she." I'm not perfect, but I try to use good grammar. I also cringe when our pastor says, "I" incorrectly. And, he learned an African language, so not all language study promotes good grammar. Carrie:-) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elise1mds Posted January 11, 2009 Share Posted January 11, 2009 I haven't worked with my kids on this one, but I do notice that sometimes they will use 'may I' instead of 'can I,' so I guess somehow I've taught them without focusing on it. I won't make a big deal about it, though I did have a 6th-grade teacher who was a stickler for may vs. can. I still remember classmates asking, "Can I go to the bathroom?" and thinking they could actually leave the room when she said yes. I giggle now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nestof3 Posted January 11, 2009 Share Posted January 11, 2009 Well, here is yet another way I have failed my children. My son and I discussed this just two days ago in Easy Grammar, and I realized my boys use this improperly. I think that because I very rarely ask permission from anyone, my children rarely hear my proper use. Children learn most of grammar from example. I correct and guide in grammar all of the time, but not this. I do hope that if an adult chooses to correct them, though, they will use kindness and not sarcasm. Children learn that by example too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted January 11, 2009 Share Posted January 11, 2009 May I just say that I think it is wonderful that you can teach them such wonderful grammar?! Surely, that is something to emulate!:D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yslek Posted January 11, 2009 Share Posted January 11, 2009 I very inconsistently teach my dc the difference between can & may. I have to admit, I find myself using can where may would be more proper. ;) I did read an interesting commentary on this, that made me think about how sticklerish (how's that for a word?) I should be about these things. This is from The Origins and Development of the English Language by Pyles & Algeo: "In the novel The Cambridge Murders, a titled academic writes to a young acquaintance, 'Babs dear, can I see you for a few moments, please?' There is no indication that Babs responded, 'You can, but you may not,' as American children are taught to say." My big peeve is "_______ and me were..." ugh. And I! I'm constantly correcting my dc about that one, but it hasn't done any good yet. (Interestingly, Pyles & Algeo comment on being sticklerish about the use of "I" and "you" as well. :glare:) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spy Car Posted January 11, 2009 Share Posted January 11, 2009 I'll admit a decided preference for the proper use of may vs can. A not uncommon exchange with my son William (4.5) goes: Daddy, can I have some water? What? Daddy, may I *please* have some water, *please*? :lol: Bill Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cathmom Posted January 11, 2009 Share Posted January 11, 2009 Obviously, if this is something that bothers you, by all means, teach your dc the correct thing to say. I have usually tried to follow a policy of replying to a person's intention because I feel it to be more polite. So if you are talking to me and say one thing when I know you mean another and you just misspoke, I will not correct you. I know what you meant. I see this the same way. And you all might like to study German, where you absolutely cannot say "Kann ich" when you mean "Darf ich"! :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted January 11, 2009 Share Posted January 11, 2009 Oh dear. Here's a story. Once upon a time there was a little girl called Rosie. She attended a pre-school where one was expected to say "May I please leave the table" in order to be allowed outside to play after morning tea. She thought "can I please leave the table" was quite sufficient and "may I" sounded silly and one day refused to say it. If she had been sensible, she would have chosen a day when her mother was not on milk and fruit duty to make her stand. The teachers relented after a while, but Rosie's mum wouldn't allow it, so Rosie missed out on outside play entirely. And didn't care a jot! 29 year old Rosie would feel like a hypocrite if she was to insist on "may I" with her own children; and doesn't doubt that her past transgressions will be related gleefully by her own parents whenever the opportunity arises. :) Rosie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mamaof2andtwins Posted January 11, 2009 Share Posted January 11, 2009 I think most children do not even realize that there is a distinction in the meaning of the two words. I do correct my children when I notice it. Jennie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TN Mama Posted January 11, 2009 Share Posted January 11, 2009 who has taught her children the difference between May I and Can I. You are not alone. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TN Mama Posted January 11, 2009 Share Posted January 11, 2009 So "Will you please get me a glass of water?" is correct. "Would you please get me a glass of water?" Is not correct. Right? "Would" would also be correct, but "could" would not. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tracey in TX Posted January 11, 2009 Share Posted January 11, 2009 You're not alone. My children know the difference between "may" and "can" as well as "who" and "whom". Proper grammar is important to me. We are judged by how we speak. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
6packofun Posted January 11, 2009 Share Posted January 11, 2009 It may be correct, but I don't really like the sound or tone of the phrase so we don't use "May I?" at all. That's that. It seems very rude to me that others would presume to correct another's grammar on this particular issue--there are such worse slips of the grammatical tongue, IMO!--and most especially other people's children. Even with the pseudo-playful banter back and forth to *force* someone else to say it the correct way. Kind of pathetic. lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lovedtodeath Posted January 11, 2009 Share Posted January 11, 2009 (edited) Obviously, if this is something that bothers you, by all means, teach your dc the correct thing to say. I have usually tried to follow a policy of replying to a person's intention because I feel it to be more polite. So if you are talking to me and say one thing when I know you mean another and you just misspoke, I will not correct you. I know what you meant. I see this the same way. And you all might like to study German, where you absolutely cannot say "Kann ich" when you mean "Darf ich"! :D Very loving and sensible! Why go looking for misunderstandings when we should be covereing transgressions? It may be correct, but I don't really like the sound or tone of the phrase so we don't use "May I?" at all. That's that. It seems very rude to me that others would presume to correct another's grammar on this particular issue--there are such worse slips of the grammatical tongue, IMO!--and most especially other people's children. Even with the pseudo-playful banter back and forth to *force* someone else to say it the correct way. Kind of pathetic. lol I felt exactly that way. I don't like the sound of it. Of course, teaching the difference between can and may in a loving manner is perfectly acceptable, and I am inspired to do so as one teacher so eloquentlly put it, "because it is the correct way." Thanks to everyone for responding to my will you/would you question! Carmen Edited January 11, 2009 by Lovedtodeath Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted January 11, 2009 Share Posted January 11, 2009 (edited) It is a big deal to me. I've been known to reply "Can I? Can I? I don't see any peaches." (..canned peaches, get it?). Or "Yes, you CAN watch a video, it is humanly possible, but you MAY not right now." I got this straight from my mother. Do I need it? Not really, but two of my sibs ended up moving in big mucky-muck circles and DID need to speak very formally. Would they have gotten there if they could not? Who knows, but I intend to give my son the option of becoming a mover and a shaker, if that's what he'd like to do. At work, I find grammar is often the key to understanding HOW to talk to a person. If a staff (or patient) says "I don't got none" or "I be hungry", I do not expect them to to know what N.B means, or even more medical terms like "flat affect" (which is a very pertinent phrase where I work). I also stop to think twice if there is something vague in their writing....if they write "wife of patient", I have to at least consider if it is a girlfriend or just friend. If someone says uses the word "whom" correctly, I can usually assume their comments on the patient are more precise, and that I can use a phrase like "clouding of consciousness" (again, a pertinent phrase where I work) and not lose them nor seem pompous to them. For someone who didn't know me, they could think this is snobby, but really, dealing with humans is like a hike over very uneven terrain. You test your footing. You don't want to put full weight down with every step, when there are slippery patches. Doesn't serve anyone well. When I applied to med school the interviewer sternly told me that being doc meant dealing with "people from disadvantaged socio-economic backgrounds"(she meant not upper middle class...it was a private school) and I told her that within a month of starting, I'd be on chummier terms with the janitors than with my classmates. And I was. Guess that's why, despite correctly using can/may, I don't run in the big mucky-muck circles. :001_smile: Happy Sunday to all! Edited January 11, 2009 by kalanamak Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kewb Posted January 11, 2009 Author Share Posted January 11, 2009 Ladies, this is why I like this forum. I can air my pet peeve and get a reality check. Thank you for all the feedback. Going forward I will improve my efforts not to correct their friends grammar no matter how much it irks me. I will continue to expect my children to use May I. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sweetTN Posted January 11, 2009 Share Posted January 11, 2009 Why is it a big deal? I had a teacher that always pointed out the difference, but I guess I don't know why I should bother teaching my kids. It seems old-fashioned? Good grammar is sort of like dusting. No one notices when your furniture is dusted, but it is one of the first things people notice when it isn't. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SonshineLearner Posted January 11, 2009 Share Posted January 11, 2009 I think that correcting is nicest when you just repeat what the child has said, the correct way. When I'm at co-op and the children say, "I want some crackers.", I don't wait for them to ask, "May I have some crackers?" I just kindly smile and say, "May I have some crackers?" as I give it to them. (if it's allowed) If it wasn't allowed, I would just say, "No, you may not, right now." It's also how I correct other incorrect ways of asking for things. My child says, "I want peaches" and I answer, "May I have some peaches, please?" and they just catch the pleases and thank-yous. Now, who teaches "shall" and "will"? I'm not good with these. Carrie:-) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PiCO Posted January 11, 2009 Share Posted January 11, 2009 who has taught her children the difference between May I and Can I. I admit-this is a total pet peeve of mine. My two know that if they say Can I my answer will be "I don't know, can you?" or "You can, but that does not mean I will give permission" There was a friend over today and he asked if he could have something to drink and I automatically gave my response as I went to get the water. Total blank stare. No clue about the difference. This is not the first time I have gotten the blank stare. It' a pet peeve of mine also. I also say this to kids- "I don't know, can you?" and then I laugh it off (and get the water or whatever.) If they give me the blank look, I explain that "can I" is asking if I have the ability to do something, not the permission- and I just find it amusing when people accidently say "can" instead of "may". I try not to come off as correcting their grammar. My kids know the difference, but it seems like "can I" is accepted in today's society, so I don't think I'm changing anything. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PiCO Posted January 11, 2009 Share Posted January 11, 2009 Going forward I will improve my efforts not to correct their friends grammar no matter how much it irks me. I will continue to expect my children to use May I. Or just run with the "mucky-muck" crowd ;) hehe Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rhonda in TX Posted January 11, 2009 Share Posted January 11, 2009 who has taught her children the difference between May I and Can I. I admit-this is a total pet peeve of mine. My two know that if they say Can I my answer will be "I don't know, can you?" or "You can, but that does not mean I will give permission" My kids get the same response and they are learning the difference. DD even corrected herself recently. :) I wouldn't go so far as to correct someone outside of our immediate family, though. I'm not their grammar teacher or their parent. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kewb Posted January 19, 2009 Author Share Posted January 19, 2009 My grammar snobbery bit me in the butt today. I asked ds for something using "Can I" and he took great glee in saying "You can but that doesn't mean I will hand it to you." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Desert Rat Posted January 19, 2009 Share Posted January 19, 2009 Even my 5yo uses May I instead of Can I. I've always taught the difference. My 8yo even uses shall in context. It makes me laugh sometimes when he's being so serious. "I shall not!" Hard to keep a straight face. Other things I'm more relaxed on so I guess it evens out. Everyone has a pet peeve. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spy Car Posted January 19, 2009 Share Posted January 19, 2009 My grammar snobbery bit me in the butt today. I asked ds for something using "Can I" and he took great glee in saying "You can but that doesn't mean I will hand it to you." :lol::lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pam "SFSOM" in TN Posted January 19, 2009 Share Posted January 19, 2009 My grammar snobbery bit me in the butt today. I asked ds for something using "Can I" and he took great glee in saying "You can but that doesn't mean I will hand it to you." Oh my gosh you are such a good sport! LOL I love it when that happens. That's when you definitely know your lesson has sunk in. We've been working with the 5 y/o about saying "Ma'am?" or "Sir?" or "Pardon?" instead of the everlovin' "WHAT?" when she doesn't understand what we've said. So the other night she was talking to me from upstairs and I kept saying, "What? What? WHAT?" and realized where in the world she *gets* that from, lol! So I had her make me "practice" just like we do with her. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaxMom Posted January 19, 2009 Share Posted January 19, 2009 Indeed! :smilielol5: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted January 19, 2009 Share Posted January 19, 2009 who has taught her dc to push in their chairs at the table when they get up. Or to put napkins in their laps when they eat, as soon as they sit down to eat. That is all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kewb Posted January 23, 2009 Author Share Posted January 23, 2009 who has taught her dc to push in their chairs at the table when they get up. Or to put napkins in their laps when they eat, as soon as they sit down to eat. That is all. You are not alone. It drives me batty when people don't push their chairs in. I usually think of myself as fairly easy going. I have discovered I have more than my fair share of pet peeves. Maybe it is an age thing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jamnkats Posted January 23, 2009 Share Posted January 23, 2009 who has taught her children the difference between May I and Can I. I admit-this is a total pet peeve of mine. My two know that if they say Can I my answer will be "I don't know, can you?" or "You can, but that does not mean I will give permission" There was a friend over today and he asked if he could have something to drink and I automatically gave my response as I went to get the water. Total blank stare. No clue about the difference. This is not the first time I have gotten the blank stare. Pet peeve rant over. Thank you for listening. Well, I'm not a grammar maven, I don't expect my kids to ask my permission for anything (we rule by consensus in our family) and I would be horrified if they asked me, "Mother may I", but my response to "Can" is the same. :) I always ask them, "I don't know, CAN you?" And when my husband asks me if I can see something or find something or know where something is, I generally will reply, "Yes. I can. Were you just wondering if I could?" or "oh, did you actually want me to DO x or were you just wondering if I could?". It isn't a peeve of mine but I really do enjoy playing with the words. It is all in good fun though and if someone is irritated I certainly don't do it then. I'm almost positive my Dad did the same to me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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