Guilt for laziness

[GracieJane]

I was raised with hardworking parents in a Baptist community that prizes hard work, and married a hardworking man. I feel so guilty about laziness, eating “the bread of idleness” so-to-speak. 
 

I’m pregnant with our fourth child and just tired. Like physically, I just want to lay down and do nothing. However this makes me so anxious and I have that Proverbs 31 woman scolding me with the hardworking ghosts of women past who definitely didn’t allow their children to watch Netflix in order to nap. 😞 I’m sure I could go to therapy for this but obviously that would require the self-indulgence of an hour spent discussing my feelings. 
 

*sigh* No real point here, other than commiseration with anyone who is tired today.

[scholastica]

You aren’t doing nothing. You are actively creating a new human being! Pregnant women in times past often had family around to help when they were pregnant. Taking care of yourself and your baby is not laziness, it’s what’s good for both of you.

[regentrude]

You are not lazy! You are growing another human and that is hard work. Perhaps it helps if you reframe your thoughts like that.
Your body knows which work to prioritize.

Edited November 15, 2023 by regentrude

[smstjohn]

There are several things I want to say right off after reading this.

The first being that you are doing real work. Your body is helping another whole person to grow. It's exhausting! And this being the fourth one, I'm sure the other kids need some care as well. Even if they are watching a bit more, you are still caring for them. Making sure they are safe, clean, and nourished.

I also despise the guilt associated with Proverbs 31, and I say that as a Christian. From what I've heard, it's not a "real" woman but a picture of what to look for, for one. And also she seems to run her household with multiple layers of servants of some sort. I might be wrong, but I'm guessing you don't have a full staff looking over your household affairs...

Please be gentle with yourself. Rest when you can from the hard work you are doing when you are up and the work you're even doing while resting(you know, GROWING a person!) 

As a Christian, your worth is not found in the work you do. Love on your family as well as you are able and also extend that kindness to yourself.

[GracieJane]

7 minutes ago, smstjohn said:

There are several things I want to say right off after reading this.

The first being that you are doing real work. Your body is helping another whole person to grow. It's exhausting! And this being the fourth one, I'm sure the other kids need some care as well. Even if they are watching a bit more, you are still caring for them. Making sure they are safe, clean, and nourished.

I also despise the guilt associated with Proverbs 31, and I say that as a Christian. From what I've heard, it's not a "real" woman but a picture of what to look for, for one. And also she seems to run her household with multiple layers of servants of some sort. I might be wrong, but I'm guessing you don't have a full staff looking over your household affairs...

Please be gentle with yourself. Rest when you can from the hard work you are doing when you are up and the work you're even doing while resting(you know, GROWING a person!) 

As a Christian, your worth is not found in the work you do. Love on your family as well as you are able and also extend that kindness to yourself.

This is so sweet, thank you. Idleness and self-indulgence were the major “Christian girl” sins taught growing up (since modesty and chastity were a given) and here I am…in my 30s and still feeling guilty. 

Edited November 15, 2023 by GracieJane

[regentrude]

8 minutes ago, GracieJane said:

This is so sweet, thank you. Idleness and self-indulgence were the major “Christian girl” sins taught growing up (since modesty and chastity were a given) and here I am…in my 30s and still feeling guilty. 

Even God rested after the labor of creation.

[smstjohn]

I understand feeling guilt. I'm anxious generally and take on guilt that's unnecessary. I hope you find the balance you need between feeling like you are accomplishing what you'd like and resting enough. It's tough with young kids and pregnancy. If you do feel like you're abnormally tired though, it might be worth bringing up with your doctor next time you visit. It could be that you need some supplemental nutrients. 

I pray that you'll feel more freedom and that you'll realize the important work you are doing even at rest. Best of luck to you and your family!

[prairiewindmomma]

I agree with the above--being pregnant is of itself hard work.  Your physical organs have been shifted, your blood volume has increased, and there are real demands that are put on the body that are work. 

I also want to speak to the other part of your post which refers to the cultural teachings you have been raised with. 

1. There is a difference between laziness and rest.  The scriptures speak to this specifically in many, many places.  Don't confuse the two.  You are in a season of greater rest, of necessity.  Your brain may be calling it laziness, based on the way it has been conditioned, but that is a twisting of the teachings.

2. Be careful of what man has deemed laziness. I see a lot of men purporting to teach about laziness but are in fact twisting the scriptures to their own end to make unrighteous demands of others. Trying to control or manipulate others using the power of authority of scripture is wrong. Sometimes we see that directly, but it's just as insidious when it's indirect and we have those little voices from their teachings in our head guiding our behavior.  

[maize]

You are working 24/7 GROWING A NEW HUMAN; that is genuine work and exhausts your body in entirely legitimate ways.

https://nypost.com/2019/06/11/pregnant-women-are-basically-endurance-athletes-study/

[Heartstrings]

51 minutes ago, smstjohn said:

nd also she seems to run her household with multiple layers of servants of some sort. I might be wrong, but I'm guessing you don't have a full staff looking over your household affairs..

We can think of Netflix as a budget friendly part time nanny.   

[Heartstrings]

51 minutes ago, GracieJane said:

This is so sweet, thank you. Idleness and self-indulgence were the major “Christian girl” sins taught growing up (since modesty and chastity were a given) and here I am…in my 30s and still feeling guilty. 

It sounds like it’s time to start deconstructing those teaching.  Dig into your Bible and see what it really says about idleness, work and rest.  Not what you were taught, what is there in black and white.  Maybe you need fresh eyes on it.
 

 I seem to remember Jesus having something to say to Mary and Martha, to start with.  And something in there about there being seasons for different things.   I’m sure being a pregnant mother would qualify as being a good season for rest.  

Edited November 15, 2023 by Heartstrings

[kbutton]

Ditto everyone else.

I remember hearing a WOMAN speak on the Proverbs 31 woman, and she theorized from a real life perspective that the profile fit a post-menopausal woman better than other stages (and I’d say one that perhaps did not have to care for aging parents anymore if life expectancy was shorter). I thought that was a view that was at least worth considering.

When I was pregnant with my first, almost from day 1 (literally!), I was exhausted. I went to work, came home and ate my supper on the couch while watching the news, fell asleep with my plate on my lap, woke up at bedtime, and then went to bed to sleep in a stupor and slept as late as possible before going back to work. That’s it for nine months. We moved house when I was pregnant, and I never did get everything settled from the move until I had two kids and they were quite a lot older.

[fairfarmhand]

I’m goinn to come back to this. Gonna say “you’re not lazy, lady!” But yeah, I’ll reply later when I’m not in the middle of stuff

[gardenmom5]

You're not lazy - you're building a baby.

some babies are easier to build than other babies.  with 2dd . . . I painted my house . . . 

with dudeling . . . . Let's leave it at it was a really hard pregnancy, but I built a (hard) baby . . . I was amazed at just how fast I physically felt good after he was out of me!

[Rosie_0801]

Growing babies is hard work. I remember pausing a Bollywood movie when I was pregnant with #1 to stare at the wall and say "I am staring at a wall. I am so exhausted I can't even watch a Bollywood movie and I am staring at a wall."

[Katy]

Talk to your doctor. She’ll probably run some bloodwork and check for anemia, thyroid, and blood sugar numbers. Pregnancy can throw any of those off and be extra exhausting. 

And then read what the Bible says about rest. Because most of the Protestant work ethic came from Immigrants in danger of starving to death, civil war descendants in danger of starving to death, or descendants of countless depression victims who spent part of their lives worrying about starvation. And before the economic regulations put in after the Great Depression there were smaller, localized economic collapses on average about every ten years. Those calamities have had a bigger impact on the Protestant work ethic than the Bible, and especially the New Testament where Jesus made it very clear that we are to trust God and not worry about what tomorrow may bring. 

[silver]

All trimesters are tiring, since your body is doing so much to keep you and the baby alive and help the baby grow and develop. I'm not sure where you're at in pregnancy., but if you're in the 1st trimester, give yourself even more grace, because your body is doing extra work as it grows the placenta (growing a whole new body organ!) and the baby. After the placenta is grown enough to take over some of the job, some (not all!) of the exhaustion lessens (although having young kids at home to take care of can mean that the fatigue lasts a lot longer).

I once read that Proverbs 31 was not written as a checklist for women to strive for (or men to look for in a future wife) but more of a song of praise that the husbands would sing to their wives at the evening meal before Sabbath. It was recognition of all the hard work that women put into making a household run smoothly. So women should instead take it as validation of our often overlooked work being valued (instead of as condemnation of not being enough). 

It's already been mentioned, but women past had extended families to help out. You can see here that women understand that pregnancy is exhausting. In generations past, the women of the family, knowing this exhaustion, would come alongside their sisters and daughters and nieces and help them with their household. We tend not to have that anymore, and you shouldn't hold yourself individually to the standard that was only kept by multiple women working together.

This is a season. It does not define who you are or your worth. 

[bolt.]

3 hours ago, GracieJane said:

This is so sweet, thank you. Idleness and self-indulgence were the major “Christian girl” sins taught growing up (since modesty and chastity were a given) and here I am…in my 30s and still feeling guilty. 

That's hilarious, considering that we live in a culture of greed, racism, hatred, injustice, exclusion, war, lies, violence, idolatry, and death. Idleness! And self-indulgence! As major sins!!!! I'm laughing my Bible-college-professor butt off right now.

I mean, seriously. Self-indulgence can't be a sin. The Bible doesn't even *mention* self-indulgence that I remember off the top of my head. (We can explore further if you can think of any passages, but I'm stumped.)

As for idleness, I mean proverbs isn't big on it, but that doesn't mean it's a sin, just that is doesn't often yield good results when embraced as a lifestyle. After a basic survey, mentions of idleness seem pretty specific in the NT, aimed at much bigger problems than a gestating mother taking an afternoon nap. Would it help you to know that in the time/place where these scriptures were written it was more common than not for *everybody* to take an afternoon nap? If I'm not wrong, Peter's vision happened during an afternoon nap, and Jesus had to be roused from a nap to calm the storm... right? Big nappers those folks.

And that's aside from the actual commandment that all people, and even all of their working animals, need spend at least 1/7th of their waking hours in total rest. I doubt you are anywhere close to that threshold!

From me to you, with love: It's okay to feel false guilt. All of your feelings matter, and all of your feelings belong. But it's also okay to argue false guilt into the ground with sound scriptural principles and plain ordinary common sense.

[GracieJane]

3 hours ago, silver said:

All trimesters are tiring, since your body is doing so much to keep you and the baby alive and help the baby grow and develop. I'm not sure where you're at in pregnancy., but if you're in the 1st trimester, give yourself even more grace, because your body is doing extra work as it grows the placenta (growing a whole new body organ!) and the baby. After the placenta is grown enough to take over some of the job, some (not all!) of the exhaustion lessens (although having young kids at home to take care of can mean that the fatigue lasts a lot longer).

I once read that Proverbs 31 was not written as a checklist for women to strive for (or men to look for in a future wife) but more of a song of praise that the husbands would sing to their wives at the evening meal before Sabbath. It was recognition of all the hard work that women put into making a household run smoothly. So women should instead take it as validation of our often overlooked work being valued (instead of as condemnation of not being enough). 

It's already been mentioned, but women past had extended families to help out. You can see here that women understand that pregnancy is exhausting. In generations past, the women of the family, knowing this exhaustion, would come alongside their sisters and daughters and nieces and help them with their household. We tend not to have that anymore, and you shouldn't hold yourself individually to the standard that was only kept by multiple women working together.

This is a season. It does not define who you are or your worth. 

I am in the first trimester and have three sweet children under 10 years old. I’m so thankful for them! But wow, I’m tired today. 🙂

[Kassia]

5 minutes ago, GracieJane said:

I am in the first trimester and have three sweet children under 10 years old. I’m so thankful for them! But wow, I’m tired today. 🙂

Three little ones and being pregnant is so demanding!  Be kind to yourself.  You definitely aren't lazy. ❤️ 

[KungFuPanda]

You are not describing laziness.  You are describing a woman with a medical imperative to rest that is being thwarted by religious abuse bordering on cultish.  Your body KNOWS what it needs but your social conditioning is so thorough that you're not allowing yourself to just slow down and recharge.  Gestating takes a great deal of energy.  If your toddler was sleeping extra due to a growth spurt you'd think nothing of it and protect his rest, but your local culture won't let you give yourself the same grace or benefit of common sense.  YOU are not the problem.  YOU didn't make it so you can't even relax when you are pregnant and exhausted.  Life is not a competition to see who can move the most all day.  You would need and deserve that nap even if this was your first baby.  You are pregnant AND caring for three other children.  That's a lot and you do whatever you need to get that nap.  

If you can't fit therapy into your schedule, there are books you can read.  You can always come here too if you need help drowning out those voices.  A LOT of us grew up in communities and families like you describe and have managed to rewire our brains so that not only can we take a nap, we can do so guilt free. One day you too could be able to just let the dishes sit and read a book all day with absolute peace of mind of a person who believes that caring for herself is as important as caring for anyone else.  

[Alte Veste Academy]

4 hours ago, Rosie_0801 said:

Growing babies is hard work. I remember pausing a Bollywood movie when I was pregnant with #1 to stare at the wall and say "I am staring at a wall. I am so exhausted I can't even watch a Bollywood movie and I am staring at a wall."

46 minutes ago, GracieJane said:

I am in the first trimester and have three sweet children under 10 years old. I’m so thankful for them! But wow, I’m tired today. 🙂

Yes! Extraordinary exhaustion was how I knew I was pregnant with number three. I didn’t even need a pregnancy test. I told DH that I was either pregnant or I was dying. 

Think of rest as time spent directly caring for your fourth baby.

[kathyl]

1 hour ago, GracieJane said:

I am in the first trimester and have three sweet children under 10 years old. I’m so thankful for them! But wow, I’m tired today. 🙂

I had 5 babies in 10 years.  I rested a lot more with the later ones because it takes a lot more energy to keep up with all the little kids, carry the toddlers around, and be pregnant all at the same time.  Not to mention keeping up with the housework and cooking and homeschooling.  

There's nothing wrong with resting and taking care of yourself so you can be there for the kids and your family.

[fairfarmhand]

I have 4 children. My oldest is 25 and the others are 21, 18 and 15. If anything, I wish I had taken MORE naps. I was so consumed with managing we'all the things that I far too often pushed through the fatigue to "do important things" As a result I had little patience. I was too tired to sit and read as much as I would have. I was often too tired to do special things or listen as well as I wish I had.  

Napping fuels mommies to be the BEST kinds of mommies. I found when my youngest was small (It only took me 10 or 12 years to figure it out) that if I DID take the time to nap, I was FAR more effective later on in the day. While I might not have gotten as many things checked off, I was more attentive to my family and the things that I did were done with more joy and intention. There was less dragging myself through the motions of bedtime kisses and stories and cuddles. I guess you could say that the QUALITY of my work went up. 

My dd is pregnant with #2. She has an 18 month old and they moved this weekend. Her house is a disaster. She called me yesterday and begged me to come get my grandson. I did. Instead of working, she and her dh napped. And I'm glad. They needed it. She woke this morning feeling much better and was more able to cope with a busy toddler and her messy, Just moved house.

As far as your guilt complex, remember that Jesus' yoke is easy and his burden is light. If we are exhausted by what we're doing on a day to day basis, it's likely not that  we're lazy. It's probably more that we're trying to do too much. So sit down. Put your feet up and rest. Nap every day. That's not lazy at all. If you were wasting hours on Pinterest or playing Candy Crush, you might could talk about wisdom in managing your time. 

The Prov 31 woman seems to be an established woman with GROWN children. I get so much more done when I'm not responsible for keeping little kids alive. It's mentally taxing in a way that you probably don't see at the moment; it is real work! (but not the kind that goes on a checklist--I mean, think about it. Nobody starts the day writing "remove toddler from the counter top 15 times today" on a to do list) And it is really fatiguing. Add on top of that pregnancy brain and a body that is growing a new human of course you are TIRED. TAKE A NAP MY FRIEND!

ETA: Read the Old Testament and you'll learn that God is a God who loves parties, naps, and feasts. There are SO MANY HOLIDAYS where nobody was supposed to do much work at all. He didn't want his people to live lives of endless toil and labor nonstop. 

Edited November 16, 2023 by fairfarmhand

[YaelAldrich]

7 hours ago, silver said:

I once read that Proverbs 31 was not written as a checklist for women to strive for (or men to look for in a future wife) but more of a song of praise that the husbands would sing to their wives at the evening meal before Sabbath. It was recognition of all the hard work that women put into making a household run smoothly. So women should instead take it as validation of our often overlooked work being valued (instead of as condemnation of not being enough). 

This is truth. We Jews sing this song at the beginning of our Friday night Sabbath meal. It is an ode to a superwoman but certainly not a checklist. It is also thought of as an allegorical dialogue between the Jewish people and G-d. 

Do not feel that what you are doing (and not doing) is against Biblical principles or wrong. You are doing precious and vital work.

[bolt.]

I came back because I have a strong desire to analyze the Proverbs 31 woman with you.

Here's what she's like:

- Trustworthy, honourable, dignified, confident (v.11,23,25,28,29,31)

- Good-hearted and benevolent to her husband (v.12)

- Vigorous, physically capable (v.17)

- Wise, a good advisor (v.26)

- Spiritual (v.30)

Here's what she does:

- Oversees breakfast preparations, with the help of (not one, but multiple) servants (v.15)

- Shops while going for a walk in an open air market (v.13,14)

- Crafts flax into luxury textiles (v.13,19,21,22,24) (probably with servants)

- Occasionally does real estate transactions (v.16)

- Directs the work of an overseer and workers a vineyard business in her own name, (v.16)

- Manages the trading of products generated household's various independently managed businesses, including her own flax work, but mostly in a literacy, record keeping, and coordination role (v.18,27)

- Directs the household's charitable activities (v.20)

Please notice:

0% cooking. 0% cleaning. 0% childcare. 10% errands.

This is not the same life. But it's not a harder-working life either. If anything, with the support of all those servants, and mostly being in the role of management and direction, it sounds a bit easier. Physically at least. This is the life of a noblewoman, a partner in the activities of a large household and the co-owner of multiple businesses and properties -- kind of like what we would think of as an estate. She's an ancient-world princess, and you're not. But that doesn't make your work meaningless. It's just different.

Edited November 16, 2023 by bolt.

[GracieJane]

13 minutes ago, bolt. said:

I came back because I have a strong desire to analyze the Proverbs 31 woman with you.

Here's what she's like:

- Trustworthy, honourable, dignified, confident (v.11,23,25,28,29,31)

- Good-hearted and benevolent to her husband (v.12)

- Vigorous, physically capable (v.17)

- Wise, a good advisor (v.26)

- Spiritual (v.30)

Here's what she does:

- Oversees breakfast preparations, with the help of (not one, but multiple) servants (v.15)

- Shops while going for a walk in an open air market (v.13,14)

- Crafts flax into luxury textiles (v.13,19,21,22,24) (probably with servants)

- Occasionally does real estate transactions (v.16)

- Directs the work of an overseer and workers a vineyard business in her own name, (v.16)

- Manages the trading of products generated household's various independently managed businesses, including her own flax work, but mostly in a literacy, record keeping, and coordination role (v.18,27)

- Directs the household's charitable activities (v.20)

Please notice:

0% cooking. 0% cleaning. 0% childcare. 10% errands.

This is not the same life. But it's not a harder-working life either. If anything, with the support of all those servants, and mostly being in the role of management and direction, it sounds a bit easier. Physically at least. This is the life of a noblewoman, a partner in the activities of a large household and the co-owner of multiple businesses and properties -- kind of like what we would think of as an estate. She's an ancient-world princess, and you're not. But that doesn't make your work meaningless. It's just different.

This is such a great outline! 

I was thinking about the twin sins of idleness and self-indulgence yesterday, and why they were particularly coded “female” in my childhood (as opposed to say, lust, which was uniquely male). The “busy at home”, “bread of idleness” and the “gossipy women going house to house” scriptures were the sort of antithesis to the aspirational feminine virtues of self-control and industry.

There was this story repeated in my church, about a well-loved and respected older woman who got cancer and would still put on makeup and smile so as not to worry her adult children. She never complained or bemoaned her plight. Her grace under suffering (or stoicism?) was modeled as this particularly feminine heroic ideal, and it always stuck with me. Maybe that’s why I feel so guilty about “laziness”, that resting when others are working is a sort of “calling attention” to your burden (?). I have no idea if any of this makes sense, but this feminine amalgam of Proverbs 31 industry and warnings of gossipy, idle women are coded in my religious DNA. But it’s often hard to separate (for me) what is biblical and what is temperamentally warped in my own constitution, so I appreciate your scripture counterbalance. 

[Elizabeth86]

I felt like this maybe once or twice. I have really bad pregnancies. No exceptions. Dh and I both want a large family and he just knows that pretty much nothing happens when I’m pregnant. I barely crawl out of bed first trimester. I barely cook, barely clean and seldom if at all have sex. He just understand now this is how it is for me to grow a whole new person. He understands and I have zero guilt.

[fairfarmhand]

2 hours ago, GracieJane said:

This is such a great outline! 

I was thinking about the twin sins of idleness and self-indulgence yesterday, and why they were particularly coded “female” in my childhood (as opposed to say, lust, which was uniquely male). The “busy at home”, “bread of idleness” and the “gossipy women going house to house” scriptures were the sort of antithesis to the aspirational feminine virtues of self-control and industry.

There was this story repeated in my church, about a well-loved and respected older woman who got cancer and would still put on makeup and smile so as not to worry her adult children. She never complained or bemoaned her plight. Her grace under suffering (or stoicism?) was modeled as this particularly feminine heroic ideal, and it always stuck with me. Maybe that’s why I feel so guilty about “laziness”, that resting when others are working is a sort of “calling attention” to your burden (?). I have no idea if any of this makes sense, but this feminine amalgam of Proverbs 31 industry and warnings of gossipy, idle women are coded in my religious DNA. But it’s often hard to separate (for me) what is biblical and what is temperamentally warped in my own constitution, so I appreciate your scripture counterbalance. 

I resonate with this because I grew up in similar atmosphere.

I believe that people who label certain sins as male or female are idiotic. My dh constantly gets frustrated with workers at his job (mostly men) who are constantly running their mouths and causing drama instead of doing their jobs. Lazy gossips are not only female. And lustful people are not just male. We're all just sinners.

I'm sick to death of churches that admire people who are faking it. Not so much in a hypocritical, proud sense, but more...admiration for people who are pretending to be okay when they are desperately aching for connection. All it does is make us all lonelier. Because how in the world are we supposed to feel okay with struggling when we get the sense that we're the only one struggling. Because everyone else is "too blessed to be stressed."

As far as you resting while others are working...When you are laboring, pushing out this baby, where will your dh be? Probably at your side. But not working at all. Just resting and supporting you. Which is as it should be. In the middle of the night when you're nursing a newborn, where will he be? Probably snoring. And yes, gestating is work as well. Don't make the mistake of thinking that your contributions are all things that you can check off on a checklist. 

Edited November 16, 2023 by fairfarmhand

[wintermom]

We are not put on this earth to just work. God created the earth and to enjoy life, appreciate the beauty, get married and enjoy making and bringing up babies, and resting when needed. You are not a hamster on a treadmill that needs to be in constant motion to look good or be good to please anyone, and certainly not to please God.

My advice would be to be realistic about who is giving advice, what the circumstances of the advice are, and that they are probably not universally applicable. Men telling pregnant women to be working all day need to shut their mouth right up. 😉 Pregnant women feeling guilty for being tired need to give themself permission to do the job of being pregnant. It's a unique, God-given job, and creating life is exhausting. God created the world, then took a day of rest, right? Did God need the rest? Probably not, but it's a message that we need to rest at certain times.

Edited November 16, 2023 by wintermom

[marbel]

7 hours ago, GracieJane said:

Maybe that’s why I feel so guilty about “laziness”, that resting when others are working is a sort of “calling attention” to your burden (?). 

This notion just riles me up. (Not at you!) Not everyone needs to be working all at the same time. Everyone has different tasks, schedules, and needs, even aside from being pregnant and making a human being! 

When my husband was working a hard job and I was  home taking care of our two kids, I would often have down time, or fun time during the day. He didn't (though he liked his job). So when he got home I encouraged him to rest while I did dinner, etc. Similarly, sort of... he has always needed more sleep than I do. So on weekend mornings I would get up a couple of hours before him. I'd do chores, usually, and then after he ate breakfast he'd go start some kind of chore, like yardwork. By that time, I'd have been working already so I'd sit and read, work on a hobby, whatever. The fact that I was working while he was sleeping, or that I was relaxing while he was working was never an issue. We both did our things and no one counted the hours. 

And this counts, like, triple when you are pregnant!

So tell those voices inside your head to shut up. And if someone is hassling you because they are working while you are resting, well, you have the hive aunties encouraging you to tell that person to shut up too.  💗

Edited November 16, 2023 by marbel

[lmrich]

I hear you, and I totally relate! I have the  hardest time  allowing  myself  to rest. I have to 'work hard' to give myself to rest. I was raised this way, and it  is hard to undo. But it is important to  listen your body... just the biggest hypocrite ever - I  put on a  massaging back brace so I could finish my tasks (now I kind of hate  myself)