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Help me decide how I react (job related, long)

Moonhawk

By Moonhawk,
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Moonhawk

Moonhawk

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Sorry guys, I'm almost embarrassed to post this. But it is what it is. 

Not the resolution I'd hoped for. Because it's not resolved. >(

Long story short: We got interrupted towards the start of negotiation. I didn't like what he put down (uninspired title, uninspiring raise), but he was seeming receptive to my beginning kickoff into negotiations. The interruption could not be helped, was not contrived, and was emergency-level for both of us. (Not like a fire in the office, but time-sensitive and requiring both of us to help.)

Tomorrow we have an all-morning multi-department meeting ending around noon or 1pm, so we will sit down and discuss final options then. 

In the moment it seemed like an acceptable/necessary delay but sitting at home now I'm just ticked about it all. DH is not impressed.

And I have to waste ANOTHER piece of paper on ANOTHER resignation letter and I'm irrationally irritated by that.

 

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Catwoman

Catwoman

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Maybe in the end, this delay will turn out to be a blessing in disguise. If you were feeling at all hesitant today, this extra time might be to your benefit. Knowledge is power.

You already know the offer. You know you're not impressed with the title, and the raise isn't enough to keep you there. This gives you the edge. You know what he's offering, but he doesn't know what you want... and now you can go in there, prepared and already annoyed enough that you will be able to say what you really think without hesitation. You are seeing this boss for who he really is, and you're seeing this company in a new light, as well. You are READY to demand what you want, and even more importantly, you're also ready to resign if they don't accommodate your needs. 

And if I were you, if this doesn't work out, I wouldn't even bother writing a new resignation letter. Give him the one you wrote last week and call it good. Who cares if the date is off by a few days or if the phrasing is no longer exactly the way you want it? All that matters is that you are giving your notice and moving on. If your boss would have preferred a new letter, well, I guess it sucks to be him. (And it will suck to be him, when he's stuck with no one at the front desk and no one to train the new hire, because you are GONE.)

And seriously, if the boss acts like a jerk when you don't accept his lame offer, or if you are getting the impression that you might not get a favorable reference from him anyway, forget about the 2 week notice and tell him he'd better call that perfectly perfect new person and have them start right away, because you are out of there immediately. Oh, and she won't mind being treated like Moonhawk 2.0 and handling the front desk, right? 😉 

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katilac

katilac

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On 8/26/2022 at 9:39 AM, Hilltopmom said:

I don’t know what your current salary is, but you could probably walk into most public schools tomorrow and get a job subbing full time. 

out of the frying pan and into the fire of the 9th circle of hell 😂

2 hours ago, Moonhawk said:

 And I have to waste ANOTHER piece of paper on ANOTHER resignation letter and I'm irrationally irritated by that.

 

You should pull the current one out of your file folder, scratch out the old dates and add new ones right in front of him. Save the trees

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QueenCat

QueenCat

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9 hours ago, Moonhawk said:

Sorry guys, I'm almost embarrassed to post this. But it is what it is. 

Not the resolution I'd hoped for. Because it's not resolved. >(

Long story short: We got interrupted towards the start of negotiation. I didn't like what he put down (uninspired title, uninspiring raise), but he was seeming receptive to my beginning kickoff into negotiations. The interruption could not be helped, was not contrived, and was emergency-level for both of us. (Not like a fire in the office, but time-sensitive and requiring both of us to help.)

Tomorrow we have an all-morning multi-department meeting ending around noon or 1pm, so we will sit down and discuss final options then. 

In the moment it seemed like an acceptable/necessary delay but sitting at home now I'm just ticked about it all. DH is not impressed.

And I have to waste ANOTHER piece of paper on ANOTHER resignation letter and I'm irrationally irritated by that.

 

I hope you'll have the letter with you this morning.

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Katy

Katy

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Don’t go in. Say, “I’m upset how deceptive you all have been. I’m going home for the day. You’ll have my resignation on your desk in the morning.” Then stay or go home. When they feel the weight of answering the phones and doing your work themselves they may have a better offer before you waste that last piece of paper. 

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Moonhawk

Moonhawk

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Sorry I didn’t detail earlier, spent the evening just processing the emotions. 

So the meeting got pushed to end of day. Boss had meeting with Big Boss at 4pm and he said he was going to get more info on the long term plans for the department which would give us more info for our talk, so he asked to wait until after that. It was supposed to be a 15-30 minute meeting, it went on for 45. Boss came up to my desk a little before 4:50. Went to the conference room. 

There was nothing more he could offer me, no room for negotiation. There is no hope for a 4th, the department is permanently moving to 3. I’m at the top of the pay scale without a transfer or promotion (which won’t be a possibility in the department now, obviously). 

Obviously then there was no other choice to make. I tried to negotiate anyway, I had nothing to lose and wanted to sincerely show I tried to make it work. We talked about training and how good the benefits are (they’re amazing honestly). We talked about the normal pay in the geographic area. We talked about lightening my load — ie, give all the parts i like about my job to the new person. We talked about how much we enjoy working together. I asked if there was anything at all I could do, or duties I could take on, to change the situation on title/pay, and he said no. 

By this point it was a little after 5. We went and locked up the front together, talked about little things like the chairs in the lobby. He went back to his desk when we were done, I signed the new resignation and gave to him. Unfortunately I Started to cry in the time it took for me to walk from the door of his office to his desk, lol, but I just said thanks and then got out of there.

very surprised at how hard I’m taking it emotionally, so is DH. He thinks I’m crying more past 12 hours than I have with the last two pregnancies combined.   I think I’m grieving what could have been, and also feeling bad for my boss and the position he will now be in. But I know I’m not really the one who put him there. And I feel relief and self respect for myself, even when I’m crying.

Now got two weeks to see the fallout. Ballgown on, shades on, front row seat to explosion, lol. 

Taking bets on how fast they post a job opening. 

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mommyoffive

mommyoffive

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I am so sorry it is hitting you so hard.  It shows what kind of a person that they lost in the way that you handled yesterday.  You have it every single chance.  What a sucky situation the whole way through.  I am sorry.   I think in time the way that it ended will make you feel like you got good closure on the whole thing.  No what ifs if you would have stormed out and then  maybe it could have turned out some other way.  

I am super proud of the way that you handled everything!  I am sending good thoughts that this door is closing and another better one is opening for you. 

 

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Tiberia

Tiberia

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I'm sorry that this has been so hard on you. I think you made the right decision, and I don't think your boss is an evil person. It sounds like you have a good relationship with him, and you are grieving the loss of that and the loss of what they had promised you. I think the company is not realizing the treasure they have in you.

I don't even know you, but I'm proud of how you handled this professionally and personally. Take some time to decompress, however you do that. Shake the dust off your shoes, wish them all the best, and move on with your life and career.  

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Jaybee

Jaybee

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I'm sorry--about the whole thing. I would imagine there is a lot of grief over your hopes being unfulfilled in what had seemed such a promising situation. I'm interested in how they will take it from here. It sounds like you gave them every opportunity to do right by you. And I don't know whether your boss went to bat as much as he could, or whether his hands were tied to a certain extent. But while I know it makes you feel bad to leave him with the problems, that is a decision that they (they combined, they the decision-makers, they??) put him in, not you. And while you grieve the loss of a good working relationship, well, they are the ones who put you in that situation. When I left my job, I was sad about the loss of what I considered a good working relationship as well. I left because I had differences of philosophy/values/beliefs/etc. with the organization and the boss of my boss (head guy) that had become more and more clear over time. I decided I no longer wanted to support the workings of that organization. I did not leave because of my direct boss. However, having some distance from that, I now see there were some attitudes in my boss that were certainly troublesome, and I do not regret having left at all. I do miss the money, the flexibility (hourly work, but ability to take off when needed), and the perfect number of hours (30 hrs/week), but I do not miss the stress. It was not worth it.

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livetoread

livetoread

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If you're like me, some of those tears could just be stress coming out now that you know what the outcome is. You've had a lot of uncertainty for awhile now and it had to be hard. It sounds like you handled leaving professionally and well, and you should have excellent recommendations following you where you land next. It's sad it didn't work out for sure, but respect for you every step of the way.

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Moonhawk

Moonhawk

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On 9/1/2022 at 5:04 PM, Jaybee said:

@Moonhawk, how has your week been going? Has it been super awkward? Just been thinking of you, and wondering if your confidence that you have made the right decision is growing, and how you are making it through the week.

It went ok, a bit of a mixed bag. Wednesday morning Boss made a big effort early on to establish just our normal tone of working together. Big Boss, who I'd become a quasi-exec assistant for, didn't talk to me at all that day, which must have taken some effort lol. My emotions were still close to the surface, so I only told people who needed to know immediately.

Thursday the news started to travel around and I started to tell people more earnestly. Everyone's been equal parts nice and disappointed. A lot of rolling eyes at Administration for how they handled it, cutting off their nose to spite their face.

Boss and I talked about what he would like me to finish before I go, but he's very clear that he doesn't want to overwhelm me. And to just let him know what he can do to make it an easier end to closing up my desk.

They are pulling someone from another dept (I've never met them) and they are supposed to be here the 12th-30th. I'll train them on basics for the phones and calendars and a few other things depending on how it goes. I'm glad that they found someone to help him out. I'm rolling my eyes that "there was nothing they could do" before I resigned. [Side note, a reliable source tells me HR didn't put in half the effort into the front desk search as they normally do. So, while I don't think that was Boss's intention/plan, I do think there was a vested interest in keeping me in that spot since it was easier for some people.]

If anything Boss has been chattier and more at my desk for the rest of the week. It's like he's trying to fit in all of the random convos he can. His stress level is through the roof, though, I can feel it. This is really the worst time this could have gone down, in terms of workload, but he's been immediately available to any question I have; I try to keep it short, but he extends it into tangents. He's also giving me a lot of background info on how the field works, so I think there is a bit of trying to download his knowledge to me in case I continue in the field. 

I know I made the right decision. I don't always feel it. But that's just because I get along with my Boss so well. Then I think about staying in this position, knowing no upwards motion for 2-3 years, skills atrophying, answering phones all day, no raises, no training, and I instantly feel like vomiting. That's just untenable. I made the right decision.

I only have 6 days left of work left. I have no idea how I'm going to get everything done that I want to. But I guess that won't be my problem.

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Jaybee

Jaybee

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10 minutes ago, Moonhawk said:

Big Boss, who I'd become a quasi-exec assistant for, didn't talk to me at all that day, which must have taken some effort lol.

Shame on him! He should have known better, and shouldn't act like a toddler because you chose a natural consequence of his actions. 

11 minutes ago, Moonhawk said:

But I guess that won't be my problem.

No, no, it isn't your problem.

Sounds as though your direct boss will be more than willing to be a good reference for you. Hope you have a relaxed and refreshing weekend. Hugs. And thank you for updating.

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mommyoffive

mommyoffive

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12 minutes ago, Moonhawk said:

It went ok, a bit of a mixed bag. Wednesday morning Boss made a big effort early on to establish just our normal tone of working together. Big Boss, who I'd become a quasi-exec assistant for, didn't talk to me at all that day, which must have taken some effort lol. My emotions were still close to the surface, so I only told people who needed to know immediately.

Thursday the news started to travel around and I started to tell people more earnestly. Everyone's been equal parts nice and disappointed. A lot of rolling eyes at Administration for how they handled it, cutting off their nose to spite their face.

Boss and I talked about what he would like me to finish before I go, but he's very clear that he doesn't want to overwhelm me. And to just let him know what he can do to make it an easier end to closing up my desk.

They are pulling someone from another dept (I've never met them) and they are supposed to be here the 12th-30th. I'll train them on basics for the phones and calendars and a few other things depending on how it goes. I'm glad that they found someone to help him out. I'm rolling my eyes that "there was nothing they could do" before I resigned. [Side note, a reliable source tells me HR didn't put in half the effort into the front desk search as they normally do. So, while I don't think that was Boss's intention/plan, I do think there was a vested interest in keeping me in that spot since it was easier for some people.]

If anything Boss has been chattier and more at my desk for the rest of the week. It's like he's trying to fit in all of the random convos he can. His stress level is through the roof, though, I can feel it. This is really the worst time this could have gone down, in terms of workload, but he's been immediately available to any question I have; I try to keep it short, but he extends it into tangents. He's also giving me a lot of background info on how the field works, so I think there is a bit of trying to download his knowledge to me in case I continue in the field. 

I know I made the right decision. I don't always feel it. But that's just because I get along with my Boss so well. Then I think about staying in this position, knowing no upwards motion for 2-3 years, skills atrophying, answering phones all day, no raises, no training, and I instantly feel like vomiting. That's just untenable. I made the right decision.

I only have 6 days left of work left. I have no idea how I'm going to get everything done that I want to. But I guess that won't be my problem.

I am so glad you already know that.  You did make the right choice.  6 more days.

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