Checkout Clerk Sanitizer Problem

[Dianthus]

Usually do self checkout at grocery. Saw a clerk finishing up the order, he had a mask up and looked ok, and was handing the customer the receipt. Put my 6 items, including gerber baby cereal, on the belt. Clerk then starts bagging the other customer's groceries. He hadn't done any while checking out.  Then I saw him pull his mask down and rub/scratch his face. I started to pick up items and hand to ds10 (we didn't have a cart), but belt kept moving and pulling stuff behind glass barrier so wasn't a quick, clean getaway. Clerk finished, turned to me, and asked if I forgot something. Wish I would have said yes, but I don't lie easily so said  "No.... Oh you're done now. Would you mind using some hand sanitizer (huge bottle right there) since you pulled your mask down and touched your face?"  Then he said, "Why didn't you start with that? Lady, calm down. we've been doing this for 2 yrs, you need to get over it." So I should have said nothing, but my son was with me and I just got furious when he told me to "calm down." That phrase only does the opposite, like I wasn't upset at all but now I am. I said, "Hey Dude, I don't want to get a cold. I have a baby at home" (the baby cereal!) "and I have a 12 yr old with an auto immune disorder." He came back with something like "get over it, it's been 2 yrs. You shouldn't come to the grocery store." 

I was so angry, when I got out of the store I called and reported him. They were very apologetic about the situation because they aren't supposed to touch their faces. Now, I'm not as mad, but rather concerned. We live in a small city and I'm afraid he'll recognize me (even though I was masked) and attack me or something if he sees me again. I'm also upset because the store was crowded and what if someone who knew me was there. Our town is so divided on covid. 

Honestly, I'm not super worried about covid. My 12 yr old is vaccinated and we all have flu shots. I'm more concerned about a stomach bug or cold going through my family. Precovid, I would have left the checkout because of the nose touch. I'm just not good with the art of the comeback, and I guess I don't know when to be quiet.

I'm venting... jawm. Might delete because I feel stupid. I hurt my shoulder and can't do anything with my dominant arm without pain, so that put me in a very bad mood anyway.

[mom2scouts]

He was totally out of line. He should have just said OK and used the hand sanitizer. It wasn't his place to tell you to calm down or get over it. Even if he didn't think it was a big deal, using hand sanitizer and not shaming a customer isn't too much to ask.

[Corraleno]

The cashier was rude, as well as being an idiot. You did nothing wrong, and you were considerably more polite than I would have been. I'm sorry that happened and that it upset you.

[happi duck]

(hugs)

 

[Melissa Louise]

He was rude, but generally I don't ask cashiers to do anything other than scan my groceries and take my payment.

It's a not great job, and they've been doing it all throughout the pandemic, while a lot of us got to stay home safe and sound. I would not have reported a min wage worker for this. 

I'm not very worried about fomites. Ppl are unlikely to get sick from someone touching their groceries, even with dirty hands. Just wash your own hands after packing away, and wash anything that wasn't packaged. 

 

[Dianthus]

@Melissa Louise

He did sanitize. I reported his comments. He won't have any repercussions. Like everywhere else, we have staffing shortages and they can't afford to lose someone. This is actually a good company with better pay and benefits even precovid. I'm more upset that I made any retort to him in person and reported him. IMO, he is a potentially unhinged.

[vonfirmath]

6 minutes ago, Spirea said:

@Melissa Louise

He did sanitize. I reported his comments. He won't have any repercussions. Like everywhere else, we have staffing shortages and they can't afford to lose someone. This is actually a good company with better pay and benefits even precovid. I'm more upset that I made any retort to him in person and reported him. IMO, he is a potentially unhinged.

From what retail has had to deal with -- there may be reasons they are "potentially unhinged" that has to do with the level of stress in their day to day job.

 

[Melissa Louise]

11 minutes ago, Spirea said:

@Melissa Louise

He did sanitize. I reported his comments. He won't have any repercussions. Like everywhere else, we have staffing shortages and they can't afford to lose someone. This is actually a good company with better pay and benefits even precovid. I'm more upset that I made any retort to him in person and reported him. IMO, he is a potentially unhinged.

From what you've said, he sounds rude and a Covid minimiser, but I'm not sure I'd worry about him being unhinged.

Of course, you were there and got the vibe, so maybe he is, but I wouldn't necessarily go there from the interaction described. 

 

[Dianthus]

I feel badly I said, "Hey dude." It's not language I normally use, but I'm not normally addressed with "Hey lady, calm down." Really, I'm a quiet non confrontational person which makes this even weirder. Oh well, dh says the clerk sees so many people, he won't remember me. I won't go to that store again anytime soon.

Eta, so I felt he was rude, but I also began my response rudely, and you know that's just stupid. Like the lady a few months ago who flipped off a guy in traffic so he shot at her car and killed her son. I should have just smiled and said Thank you, and been sickeningly sweet like I usually respond. Then I wouldn't have to worry about making him angry or him being unhinged. I am surprised at my response. Hopefully, this brings it home for me to never react to people to potentially anger them. 

Edited December 29, 2021 by Spirea

[Harriet Vane]

Good for you for speaking up. His behavior was disgusting, covid or no covid, and he had absolutely no business telling you to "get over it." Walk forward in confidence that you did the right thing.

Edited December 29, 2021 by Harriet Vane

[Melissa Louise]

1 minute ago, Spirea said:

I feel badly I said, "Hey dude." It's not language I normally use, but I'm not normally addressed with "Hey lady, calm down." Really, I'm a quiet non confrontational person which makes this even weirder. Oh well, dh says the clerk sees so many people, he won't remember me. I won't go to that store again anytime soon.

It will be ok. These are stressful times, sometimes we've had enough of rudeness.

Don't worry too much about getting sick from it, that's all, or repercussions. Both are v unlikely. 

[Dianthus]

Just now, Melissa Louise said:

It will be ok. These are stressful times, sometimes we've had enough of rudeness.

Don't worry too much about getting sick from it, that's all, or repercussions. Both are v unlikely. 

Yeah, I also wiped everything down when I got home. I was so mad, I didn't want to look at him so didn't know how carefully it was handled. Hopefully, less eye contact makes him less likely to remember me.

[Shoeless]

Yes, he was rude, but I doubt he will remember you or hold a grudge. He's probably equally nervous that you will come back and make a public scene. 

Retail workers are getting screamed at on the regular. If they wear a mask, the anti maskers yell and insult them for being sheep. If they don't mask, they get yelled at by pro-mask people. 

They are exhausted. And then there was Christmas and Omicron. I would be tempted to respond in a snappish way after the last 2 years, too.

They are people, too. They are not a never ending well of calm, courteous customer service in the face of people flipping their chips at them. 

[hippymamato3]

I honestly think you were rude, but I don't think he will retaliate. He's probably used to customers treating him badly. 

[1234]

I wouldn’t have reported anyone for it and I seriously doubt the clerk will remember much about you. Ds’ fiancé is working retail during the holidays and the stories are absolutely awful. People are horrible to the workers right now. She has said she’s positive she’s probably been rude at times but it’s always following an interaction that has left her completely shaken and scared. So, you may be feeling scared that a worker will remember you but those workers may be scared different customers will remember them for just trying to do their jobs.

Also, I had no idea the little stuff workers are getting dinged for (even though employers act to us like they care about our safety) and they may just not be taking the time for that hand sanitizer because they are worried their employer is watching them not work fast enough.

Edited December 29, 2021 by Joker2

[EKS]

Yes, the cashier was rude. But there is no way on this planet I would ever have asked a cashier to use hand sanitizer.  It is extremely unlikely you're going to get covid from surfaces unless you're in the habit of sticking your fingers way up your nose. If you're worried about your child, just don't let them handle the groceries.  As for other diseases, you have absolutely no idea what was on his hands before he rubbed his nose. For all you know he may have gone to the bathroom and not washed his hands (or worse!).

Edited December 29, 2021 by EKS

[Ceilingfan]

Being worried that he will see you later and physically attack you is way past reasonable (as, tbh, is requesting a cashier sanitize after touching his face when you're not even worried about covid). 

Edited December 29, 2021 by Ceilingfan

[Dianthus]

5 minutes ago, Ceilingfan said:

Being worried that he will see you later and physically attack you is way past reasonable (as, tbh, is requesting a cashier sanitize after touching his face when you're not even worried about covid). 

We had a clerk at another store attack customers a couple weeks ago. He went back in the store after he got off work.

I'm not seriously worried about covid but I don't want to get it. I don't think it will kill or maim my family as the most at risk are vaccinated. I do have a 1 yr old that can't be vaccinated. Most young children have minor symptoms,  but I wouldn't expose her intentionally. I don't want the hassle of canceling my life for a month while sick with anything. I did that for a cold in November, our first in 2yrs. We had to cancel Dr, dentist, lessons, everything.

 

Yeah, I should have lied and said that I forgot an item. Or I should have not responded to his comments. I guess I don't see an issue to ask when he had a huge bottle of sanitizer right next to him. I think he was unhinged to respond like he did. 

 

Fwiw, I did say I was venting and jawm. Now I feel I'm being flamed.

[Dianthus]

42 minutes ago, Joker2 said:

 

Also, I had no idea the little stuff workers are getting dinged for (even though employers act to us like they care about our safety) and they may just not be taking the time for that hand sanitizer because they are worried their employer is watching them not work fast enough.

No, he was chatting with the customer, totally inefficient not bagging as he went, and bagger girl was just hanging out leaning on the end of the counter not bagging anything. He wasn't too busy to use hand sanitizer.

I certainly shouldn't have gone this route instead of self checkout. Note to self never do that again. It was probably the first time in 8 months that I went to a grocery clerk instead of self check.

[Spryte]

I’m so sorry that happened! He reacted badly after getting called out for doing something he knew was wrong.

I completely understand the worry that he will remember and be unhinged about it — I live in an area where people are a bit unhinged about Covid (have posted about being yelled at and chased for wearing a mask, more than once). But in this case, I think it’s very unlikely that he will even remember you. I think you can rest easy. Hit a different store for a few weeks, if it makes you feel better, but I really don’t think you need to stress about it.

I also think that standing up for yourself is a good thing. And he acted like a jerk.

Hopefully you can sleep tonight, and not replay it over and over in your head. 

[*****]

2 hours ago, Spirea said:

"No.... Oh you're done now. Would you mind using some hand sanitizer

Well, you didn't start out rude, you asked politely, 'Would you mind...' which was reasonable to ask. I think you had a right to speak up. People scratch their faces, push back their hair, even with latex gloves on their hands, like they don't understand the purpose of wearing gloves. It is frustrating. 

I had a parking incident happen today. I was in a small unusual sized lot, only 1 way in, 1 way out and it was busy. After waiting a short bit, a lady in a big truck already in the slot  decided to back her truck out to move it over. Only, she barely moved it. Hmm, could fit a compact car, not sure about my slightly larger, I knew it would be tight. As she walked away, I gave a quick toot and motioned without an attitude if she could move over more. I was not huffy, just hey, could you please move over, we are all trying to fit in.  She walked back, put her hands on hips as she looked at her truck and motioned, I already moved it, like there's room. Turned around and walked away. 

I could have gotten mad and given her a gesture, but I didn’t. I pulled up a little next to the truck and decided it was too snug for all involved. So I backed out and luckily found another. So yeah, 2 people behind me maybe thought I was crazy, but really, she was rude. She took up more than her spot and I was willing to patiently wait for her to pull out and back in again. Too bad she must have felt threatened.

I sat in my car for a few minutes and chilled, and I was glad I was going in with a mask on. It is amazing what is making people so angry these days.

 

[Lisa]

Wow, that was rude of him to just tell you to get over it. Sorry this happened to you.

[WendyLady]

I kinda think you were rude, but he wasn’t so great either.
 

Last year I was working in a job that had me meeting with clients one on one. I thought I was careful with my mask, but I had a client tell me that I was “disgusting” because I touched my mask. I remember that I had a cloth mask on that was sort of a slippery material and it kept trying to go below my nose, so I did have to adjust it occasionally to avoid my nose showing. I hoped I was discrete, but apparently I was not. She wasn’t really rude, but her words stuck with me and to avoid being disgusting, I have used only paper masks since then to avoid slippage.
 

Being in public in a mask for hours and hours is tricky and uncomfortable. Do you remember at the start of COVID there was a news conference with a health official telling all of us to mask up, and in the video she kept touching her mask? 🤷‍♀️ 

[MercyA]

At some stores, clerks are (were?) supposed to sanitize their hands between every order.

I think if you have the chance to do it over again sometime, you might just say, "Hey, would you mind sanitizing your hands before you do my order?" Keep it simple and non-personal--it probably made him defensive when you pointed out that he touched his face. If there is pushback, you say, "I have an immuno-compromised family member. I need you to please sanitize."

You were fine, don't stress about it, don't give it another thought.

I wish I had your courage when the checkouts at a local store lick their fingers to open bags. Shudder.

[Shoeless]

1 hour ago, Spirea said:

Fwiw, I did say I was venting and jawm. Now I feel I'm being flamed.

I missed the part where you said JAWM, sorry. I'm definitely not trying to flame you. 

My intention was to remind all of us that everyone is having a very hard time right now and to try to offer up as much compassion as we can muster. It's hard everywhere. 

I hope your evening improves. ❤️ 

[Shoeless]

My DH had to have labwork drawn today. It's appointment only, masks mandatory. There are signs everywhere saying this. Yet...in comes an angry lady, no mask, demanding to be seen without an appointment, hollering that she's never had such terrible customer service because they won't see her without an appointment, she's never heard of such a policy, (like appointments for medical stuff is a new thing?), blah blah blah.  Yelling and hollering the whole time without a mask on, in a medical facility. 

Totally bananas behavior, yet here we are.  

[Selkie]

Where I live, most grocery store employees aren’t even wearing masks. I was a big fan of self checkout pre-pandemic, and now I mostly avoid the grocery store altogether.

[HSmomof2]

I highly doubt he’s still thinking about your interaction with him at all. As an also quiet and very non-confrontational person, I understand how you feel after behaving in a way you normally don’t. I’ve done it too, and end up beating myself up over it, rehashing it for way too long, feeling embarrassed. Try to let it go, you’re just a human and we all make mistakes sometimes, especially when stressed, like most of us are right now. 😊

[Tanaqui]

I'm sure his manager is just thrilled that he's telling customers not to come to the store anymore....

[Carrie12345]

9 hours ago, Spirea said:

I feel badly I said, "Hey dude." It's not language I normally use, but I'm not normally addressed with "Hey lady, calm down." Really, I'm a quiet non confrontational person which makes this even weirder.

I happen to use the word dude all the time, lol.

I don’t know where I land on this one, given the times.  I just want to say that my dd is currently working a drive thru, and her bosses have explicitly stated that employees are free to approach customers “with the same energy they’re giving out.”  That is not something I have EVER heard of in retail before, but I feel like it’s a good policy right now. 

(That said, I am on the side that all people should be doing their best to protect one another without being asshats.)

[marbel]

I'm sorry you had that experience. Sounds unpleasant all around. 

The clerk may have reacted the way he did because it was personalized ("...you touched your face..."} He may have been embarrassed that he was caught doing something - maybe completely mindlessly - that he knows he is not supposed to do. Certainly he should not have told you to calm down; it is never good to be condescending toward customers. 

It is a tough time for customers and retail workers alike right now. The clerk likely related the story of the crazy lady and the hand sanitizer in the breakroom - with embellishments, but leaving out the part about him touching his face - and forgot about it.  I hope you are able to forget about it too. 

[MEmama]

Can I admit I haven’t used hand sanitizer a single time during the pandemic? It’s not even my radar as something that might help prevent spread of an airborne virus. (Fwiw I do wash my hands a lot, lol, but I always have. It’s not a covid related habit)

I'm sorry you had the experience, but I truly think everyone is under such immense stress right now that it’s easy to be overly sensitive about most any comment. Keeping in mind that everyone’s risk assessment is different, I’d try to cut the clerk some slack. He’s out working in public every day and has to routinely deal with much, much worse than someone absentmindedly touching their face.

[1234]

4 minutes ago, MEmama said:

Can I admit I haven’t used hand sanitizer a single time during the pandemic? It’s not even my radar as something that might help prevent spread of an airborne virus. (Fwiw I do wash my hands a lot, lol, but I always have. It’s not a covid related habit)

I'm sorry you had the experience, but I truly think everyone is under such immense stress right now that it’s easy to be overly sensitive about most any comment. Keeping in mind that everyone’s risk assessment is different, I’d try to cut the clerk some slack. He’s out working in public every day and has to routinely deal with much, much worse than someone absentmindedly touching their face.

Yes, hand sanitizer is awful for my hands so I rarely ever use it. I wouldn’t be as rude to someone who asked as that clerk but I also wouldn’t use the sanitizer. 

[Kanin]

12 hours ago, Harriet Vane said:

Good for you for speaking up. His behavior was disgusting, covid or no covid, and he had absolutely no business telling you to "get over it." Walk forward in confidence that you did the right thing.

I agree! 

[annandatje]

 

3 hours ago, MEmama said:

Can I admit I haven’t used hand sanitizer a single time during the pandemic?

I have not used hand sanitizer during or before pandemic and no plans to use afterwards.  I wash my hands on an as needed basis but not as frequently as CDC recommends.  We wear masks when we go out due to my serious illness and spouse's COPD and only go to grocery store regularly.  However, we have not upgraded yet to the N95 or KN95s. Never before or during pandemic have I ever commented on anyone's masking habits, sanitizing habits (except when children were young), vaccination habits and do not plan to post pandemic.  Learned that I was not impervious to mask wearing criticism when client pointed out that we were now supposed to wear N95s, but most clients understandably vent about the masks and want to remove them.  Frankly at this juncture I do not care one way or the other what other people do; my family and I will continue doing what we think is reasonable to protect our health regardless of other people's caution or recklessness.

My daughter's job requires constant face to face interaction with clients and customers.  Due to abusive and rude customers during pandemic, she is now looking to change careers.  The police were called to escort one man out of the building after he threatened to physically attack my daughter.  Sexual harassment is another factor in her decision but that obviously is not limited to pandemic behavior.

 

[Dianthus]

Thinking about this today, I know the guy wouldn't have said anything if my dh would have been there. His tone was so disrespectful and rude. 

I've always been pro sanitizer and handwashing. Our only new pandemic habits are masking and skipping crowded activites. Precovid, I've even left checkout lines for similar face touching, finger licking, etc. I remember prepandemic, I once asked a female cashier to sanitize because she licked her fingers to open the bag, and it was a non issue. I'm sure seeing full faces and smiles helps, but was even a time when there was not the big awareness that there is now. Pre pandemic, I had also quit allowing the kids the joy of tasting the samples at costco... had seen the workers preparing the samples do too many gross things, fingers in ears, scratching beards, rubbing noses... just disgusting. Precovid, always wiped down all the airline seats with chlorox wipes and never got sick from flying. Precovid, always wiped stuff (remotes, switches, faucets, etc.) in hotel rooms. Always have kids wash when entering house and before eating.  Eta, *I've always been careful. I hate being sick. We go camping a lot and basic dirt doesn't bother me but "people dirt" does.*

Anyway, I am not happy it happened and wish I would have chosen self check. But, I was tired, and my arm hurt, and I thought it would be faster and easier what looked like an open checkout line. My mistake.

It is one of the worst interactions I've had. I don't really remember someone being that rude to me when shopping. I did have one worse experience when I was flying alone with my 2 yr old and a baby and flew Spirit Air for my first and last time. Dd was  well behaved for the 1 hr flight but occasionally kicked the seat of the guy in front of us. Baby was in a front pouch carrier. At least halfway, through the flight, the guy turned around and full on scream/growled at us. Like Raaaaahhhhhhhhhrrrrrr! For almost 10 seconds. He didn't say anything and we didn't say anything. I was so shocked and scared. After we deplaned and I had a safe distance, I said, "Really, you couldn't have a little patience for a 1 hr flight?" Not much of a response from him at that time. Other passengers were apologizing to me because he was so awful, with one guy saying, "No human would do that."  I said at the time, I know that wouldn't have happened if dh would have been there but the guy felt ok with screaming at a mother alone with 2 small children. I feel similar about the cashier being rude to me, he felt ok doing that to a lady alone with a kid.

I guess I've been pretty lucky my bad experiences have been limited. 

Edited December 29, 2021 by Spirea

[hippymamato3]

48 minutes ago, Spirea said:

Thinking about this today, I know the guy wouldn't have said anything if my dh would have been there. His tone was so disrespectful and rude. 

I've always been pro sanitizer and handwashing. Our only new pandemic habits are masking and skipping crowded activites. Precovid, I've even left checkout lines for similar face touching, finger licking, etc. I remember prepandemic, I once asked a female cashier to sanitize because she licked her fingers to open the bag, and it was a non issue. I'm sure seeing full faces and smiles helps, but was even a time when there was not the big awareness that there is now. Pre pandemic, I had also quit allowing the kids the joy of tasting the samples at costco... had seen the workers preparing the samples do too many gross things, fingers in ears, scratching beards, rubbing noses... just disgusting. Precovid, always wiped down all the airline seats with chlorox wipes and never got sick from flying. Precovid, always wiped stuff (remotes, switches, faucets, etc.) in hotel rooms. Always have kids wash when entering house and before eating.  Eta, *I've always been careful. I hate being sick. We go camping a lot and basic dirt doesn't bother me but "people dirt" does.*

Anyway, I am not happy it happened and wish I would have chosen self check. But, I was tired, and my arm hurt, and I thought it would be faster and easier what looked like an open checkout line. My mistake.

It is one of the worst interactions I've had. I don't really remember someone being that rude to me when shopping. I did have one worse experience when I was flying alone with my 2 yr old and a baby and flew Spirit Air for my first and last time. Dd was  well behaved for the 1 hr flight but occasionally kicked the seat of the guy in front of us. Baby was in a front pouch carrier. At least halfway, through the flight, the guy turned around and full on scream/growled at us. Like Raaaaahhhhhhhhhrrrrrr! For almost 10 seconds. He didn't say anything and we didn't say anything. I was so shocked and scared. After we deplaned and I had a safe distance, I said, "Really, you couldn't have a little patience for a 1 hr flight?" Not much of a response from him at that time. Other passengers were apologizing to me because he was so awful, with one guy saying, "No human would do that."  I said at the time, I know that wouldn't have happened if dh would have been there but the guy felt ok with screaming at a mother alone with 2 small children. I feel similar about the cashier being rude to me, he felt ok doing that to a lady alone with a kid.

I guess I've been pretty lucky my bad experiences have been limited. 

You were hostile first, though. And I don't think you being with an older child has any bearing on it. I'm sure he's sick of hand sanitizer. I don't use it at all, and if I had to after every customer I'd definitely have cracked and bleeding hands. You felt you were in a position of authority over him, and treated him as such. He let you know you weren't. I'd just use the self checkout in the future. 

[marbel]

1 hour ago, Spirea said:

Thinking about this today, I know the guy wouldn't have said anything if my dh would have been there. His tone was so disrespectful and rude. 

That may be, or maybe not. His response may have had nothing to do with you, but with any number of people who went through his line before you. Or not. Maybe the person had something going on separate from work that was bothering them. Or maybe he is just a rude, nasty person all the time. There is no way to know.

Gently, you need to distract yourself from this and stop thinking about it. It's over. You've learned some useful things (use the self-check, get a cart or basket every time so you can bail out of a line easily, etc). Give yourself and the cashier some grace; lots of people are having unfortunate interactions these days. We are all trying to do our best in a difficult world.  (Well, most of us anyway.)

Edited December 29, 2021 by marbel

[Dianthus]

8 minutes ago, hippymamato3 said:

You were hostile first, though. And I don't think you being with an older child has any bearing on it. I'm sure he's sick of hand sanitizer. I don't use it at all, and if I had to after every customer I'd definitely have cracked and bleeding hands. You felt you were in a position of authority over him, and treated him as such. He let you know you weren't. I'd just use the self checkout in the future. 

I was not hostile first, actually. I asked if he would mind using sanitizer. He got hostile. I don't think a quiet request is hostile when there is a huge bottle of it right there, I assume because it is supposed to be used.

@marbel yes, I'm not upset about it anymore. Thanks.

[Corraleno]

12 minutes ago, hippymamato3 said:

You were hostile first, though. And I don't think you being with an older child has any bearing on it. I'm sure he's sick of hand sanitizer. I don't use it at all, and if I had to after every customer I'd definitely have cracked and bleeding hands. You felt you were in a position of authority over him, and treated him as such. He let you know you weren't. I'd just use the self checkout in the future. 

I don't think anything she said was remotely "hostile." She politely asked if he would mind using sanitizer after he pulled down his mask and touched his face, and he rudely told her to "get over it." When she explained that she had a baby and an immunocompromised child he said then she should just stay out of grocery stores. If someone said that to me, my reply would have been a lot ruder than anything Spirea said, because I am just done with people like that at this point.

[Spryte]

I just went back and re-read. I don’t see that you were hostile. Maybe taken aback, obviously uncomfortable, but nothing you wrote made me think you were hostile. I mean, you were even trying to just leave, without a word, so it doesn’t sound like you were in attack mode and on the offensive.

And—I have to agree that in general men don’t tell other men to “calm down.” Sometimes, I’m sure, but mostly I see that reserved for men speaking to women. It makes me bristle, too. In fact, I’ve rarely, if ever, witnessed anyone calming down after being told to “calm down … get over it.” Maybe that is actually effective for some people, but I haven’t personally witnessed it.

I hope you can squeeze in a good work out today, or whatever helps you de-stress! 

[Indigo Blue]

21 minutes ago, Spryte said:

And—I have to agree that in general men don’t tell other men to “calm down.” Sometimes, I’m sure, but mostly I see that reserved for men speaking to women. It makes me bristle, too. In fact, I’ve rarely, if ever, witnessed anyone calming down after being told to “calm down … get over it.” Maybe that is actually effective for some people, but I haven’t personally witnessed it.

This would be a good topic for another thread, and I agree. I can’t count how many times I’ve thought “You wouldn’t have said that to a man.” 

 

[Dianthus]

34 minutes ago, Corraleno said:

I don't think anything she said was remotely "hostile." She politely asked if he would mind using sanitizer after he pulled down his mask and touched his face, and he rudely told her to "get over it." When she explained that she had a baby and an immunocompromised child he said then she should just stay out of grocery stores. If someone said that to me, my reply would have been a lot ruder than anything Spirea said, because I am just done with people like that at this point.

Yeah, he actually pulled down his mask and touched his face 2 different times. When I first saw he was with other customer, and I tried to get stuff off belt and escape. I had actually 7 items, a gal of milk, a pork roast, 2 packs hot dogs, sauerkraut, relish and a big box Gerber baby cereal. And I'm reaching around the glass barrier with my left hand because my right is immobile, and the roast, milk, and sauerkraut were all heavy and awkward to get away... so he turned before I could get everything, pulled his mask again and rubs his face, near his mouth. So it happened again right before I asked.

 

It's OK. I thank you all for your support. I'm ok with it now, not worried. It's strange to me that I was out of character but I wasn't excessively rude and he was very rude first. I do think it's also unlikely he'll recognize me, though I'll avoid that store for awhile. I don't usually shop at that location anyway. I will also never choose cashier checkout no matter how bad my shoulder is.

[Melissa Louise]

By touching his face, the person he was putting at risk most was himself. 

It is really hard working all day in a mask, and people can sometimes do things like pull it down and scratch or whatever without even noticing it. 

In an ideal world, he'd have said 'yes ma'am' and sanitized. Definitely, your points about the sexism of his response are real. These things make our blood boil.

But...it's probably time to let it go now. In the grand scheme of things, this was a very minor conflict.