How did the age gap of your children affect the way you homeschooled them?

[GoodnightMoogle]

Did you find that there was a gap you considered “ideal” for their relationships with one another? 
The AAP recommends waiting at least 18 months before becoming pregnant again, and the WHO recommends two years. In the good-old hunter-gatherer days, from what I’ve read, it was common to breastfeed for a long time and have larger age gaps (3-4 years) between kids. But nowadays you got families popping them out one after the other! I know many people who want a few children super close in age. 
I am just thinking ahead, and I know I likely won’t be able to plan it perfectly anyway, but I’m just curious on how the age gaps of your children affected your homes. 

[Melissa Louise]

Swings and roundabouts. 

I've got a 21 month gap, and a 4.5 yr gap, and there's pros and cons for each. 

 

[historically accurate]

I have a 3 1/2 year gap between 1 & 2 and a 16 month gap between 2 & 3. I'm glad we chose to have #3 quickly because I required a full hysterectomy when youngest was 2 years old. For school, #2 & #3 were pretty much schooled together & Kid #1 was essentially her own class.

As Melissa Louise said, pros and cons to each gap. Even some shifting of pros and cons as the kids grew and changed.

 

[sweet2ndchance]

My oldest 3 "stair steps" were very close as kids and have stayed pretty close as adults now. Number 1 and 2 are 25 months apart and 2 and 3 are 13 months apart. So, I had 3 kids in 3 years.

Number 3 and 4 are 4.5 years apart. Number 4 and 5 are 23 months apart. There is definitely a big difference in the relationship between the oldest 3 and the younger two. Not necessarily bad, just different.

Number 6 is 5 years younger than number 5 and his relationship with all of his siblings is also very different.

Homeschooling was much more regimented when I had a house full of kids to school. We had a schedule and we had to stick to it to get things done.

Now that youngest ds is the only one at home and the only homeschooler left in the family, we are much more relaxed. We don't have a strict schedule anymore, just a checklist of things to get done everyday. We unschool content subjects and it all works out fine. Maybe it is just more confidence as my child's teacher and maybe it is just not having to keep up with so many kids but it is definitely different.

[freesia]

I think it’s hard to predict and plan for. There are other variables that come into play. My first and second are 26 months apart and have always got along well. The next is 28 months younger and gets along well with both the older ones, but is closer to my second. My fourth is four years younger and is only now beginning to get along with the brother above her. My mom also had trouble getting along with a brother with a 3 1/2 year gap. I wonder if that’s a particularly hard gap. 
 

Homeschool-wise it was nice doing a lot together with my older kids. Buts it’s been fun doing things with just my younger now that two are gone and my third is taking a lot of online classes. 
 

What I  really trying to say is that there is no way to hit perfect. Ever. You may think you have perfect spacing and get two kids who are like oil and water. My oldest and youngest are eight years apart and get along beautifully. It’s their personality. If Is stopped at two I would have thought I was awesome at cultivating sibling relationships. Sure I work at it and have seen fruit, but the kids are themselves. 
 

I guess ideally I would have had another so dd had a buddy, but I was maxed out and would probably have had a mental breakdown. That wouldn’t have been ideal either. I tried to have her closer but had a miscarriage and our fathers died and we had a major inter-country move. You can’t do perfect. It’s probably better and less frustrating to stop trying. 😃

[kirstenhill]

9 minutes ago, freesia said:

What I  really trying to say is that there is no way to hit perfect. Ever. You may think you have perfect spacing and get two kids who are like oil and water. My oldest and youngest are eight years apart and get along beautifully. It’s their personality. If Is stopped at two I would have thought I was awesome at cultivating sibling relationships. Sure I work at it and have seen fruit, but the kids are themselves.

This!!! My oldest is a girl, followed by three boys.  I think even if DD17 and DS14 had been born closer together, she would never have gotten along super well with her brothers - they are pleasant to each other but even when they were younger she didn't share many interests with them.  DS14 and DS10 are my two closest buddies, even though they are 4.5 years apart in age.  It has been so hard on my youngest with DS14 gone at school this year, because DS10 and DS12 are like oil and water and can never think of anything to do together, and if they do it dissolves into arguing quickly.

In terms of homeschooling, I feel like the gaps I had between kids worked out well for me, especially when my older ones wanted to go to school....I was never formally schooling all 4 at once because when youngest was in K, oldest went to a brick and mortar school for 8th grade.  But we were always able to find books to read all together for read aloud time with whichever kids I was formally schooling (this included literature, history, and some science), and I never really tried to combine other subjects together,  

Edited November 13, 2021 by kirstenhill

[PeterPan]

I know someone who had (successfully) her kids in pairs, so two kids close together then a gap, repeat. That way everyone had someone to play with but there was also some space. 

I didn't seem to be able to make anything like that happen (notice my two kids 9.5 years apart), but I thought it was witty.

[Arcadia]

My kids are almost Irish twins because of potential infertility issues leading us not to risk waiting. Due to health and financial issues, we stopped at two. They have clashing personalities but they have learned to tolerate one another since they were babies. As parents, it was convenient for buying diapers, using double strollers, going to age based activities, and buying homeschool stuff. We will be paying for two in college concurrently most years. 

[Loowit]

My oldest and middle are almost exactly 2 years apart.  My middle and youngest are just over 2 1/2 years apart.  I was told by a therapist that having children in even numbers was better because then they will not have one left out.  I am not sure how true that is though.  I did not plan the spacing or number of children.  We had fertility struggles and got what we got.  I would have loved to have had one more.

Oldest and middle have always gotten along fairly well.  Middle is very laid back about most things.  Oldest and youngest used to get along great until youngest was about 12 and then things went downhill very quickly.  They fought horribly for several years and it didn't improve much until she went off to college this last fall.  Now they get along pretty well in small doses.  They play online games together and have plans to do stuff over Thanksgiving break.  Middle and youngest had a trouble relationship.  Youngest never got along with middle until they were in their tweens and teens.  They don't have a lot in common, but they get along fine and give each other space.

With homeschooling, I am not sure.  In some ways a bigger age gap would have been nice so that I could have one old enough to work alone when working with the younger one, but in reality I doubt it would have worked out well.  I really enjoyed when they were younger and we were able to combine some of their classes to do together, and that wouldn't have happened with a wider age gap.  I try to think about the good stuff and not think of the "if onlys".  I think that going into my 16th year of homeschooling, I am ready for this to be finishing up.  I have two and a half years left.  I absolutely love homeschooling and I really will miss it, but it was a season in life.

My sister and I are 15 months apart, so one grade apart in a very small school.  Growing up my sister mostly acted like she didn't know me in school.  I was just the embarrassing younger sister.  In college we got along much better, even at the same college for a year because it was bigger and we had more space from each other.  My brother is two years younger than me and we always got along pretty well and still do.

I don't think there is an ideal age gap really.  I think it is more personalities and stages in life.

[Cordelia]

I have three kids. I have a 22 month gap and a 2 year 3 month gap. The newborn stage was infinitely easier with the 2 year 3 month gap. 

DS5 and DS3 are very, very close, and always have been. They are pretty close to DD too, but she is only 17 months and can't keep up with all of the things that they like to play yet. 

I don't regret the 22 month gap, but I would never purposefully do that again either. 

DS5 and DS3 do morning basket together. DS5 does his own math, phonics, and handwriting. I hope to do the WTM history cycle and science cycle and combine kids for those subjects in the long run. 

In my family of origin, there are large age gaps. I didn't want to replicate that. 

[BlsdMama]

It’s impossible to plan. 😉 I loved a three year gap between my oldest two… but I can tell you my close gaps are great too because I can blend them together… until you can’t. What I mean by that is out of eleven kids and ranges of 11 months (closest gap) to 36 months (farthest gap) I couldn’t predict academic ability or personality matches. My first child “clicked” with #7 so well that she taught her to read in afternoons. ❤️ But that has never repeated. Our last two are inseparable - constantly planting together. They’re 17 months apart… but the two most likely to quibble and bicker too. I think parents adjust to the children they have and so long as you seek to live and equip the kids you have, you’ll do fine. 

[Not_a_Number]

2 hours ago, freesia said:

My mom also had trouble getting along with a brother with a 3 1/2 year gap. I wonder if that’s a particularly hard gap. 

My two kids have that age difference and mostly get along well. Well, it's gotten harder now that DD9 is moving into the preteen years, but overall, they've been good buddies. 

It probably doesn't hurt that DD5 is preternaturally socially intuitive, though. 

[freesia]

1 minute ago, Not_a_Number said:

My two kids have that age difference and mostly get along well. Well, it's gotten harder now that DD9 is moving into the preteen years, but overall, they've been good buddies. 

It probably doesn't hurt that DD5 is preternaturally socially intuitive, though. 

Yes, probably. So really I think it is mostly influenced by the personalities of the kids involved in whether it’s an easy relationship or one that needs support to develop. 
 

 

[kristin0713]

Mine are two years apart. DS’ newborn days when DD was 2 were brutal. I think I’ve blocked it all out. But schooling them was wonderful. We did history, science, and literature together for many years. DS absorbed math through watching and overhearing me teach DD. 

[LMD]

sometimes I feel like I had the worst gaps for homeschooling, my boys are all 3ish years apart and kind of close enough to sometimes combine for a few months before one has a maturity leap and I have to rethink everything again. I reckon either 4+ or <2ish years apart is easiest, if homeschooling subjects is your primary consideration lol.

but, we didn't exactly have a choice in when our kids came along so we'll just joyfully work with what we've got. 🙂

[RootAnn]

My #2 & #3 are my biggest gap: over 2 1/2 years. They were the easiest to combine academically once #1 outstripped #2 & I couldn't pair them anymore (about 4th & 2nd grade). Even now with #2 in college, #3 is basically doing the same math & has similar essay-writing abilities. 

My #3 & #4 are my closest in age: 17 months. I have never been able to combine them. Not even for history & religion studies. I planned to before #3 was 4 yrs old, but it became obvious then how stupid that would be.

My #4 & #5 are 27 months apart. I've combined them since #5 was in K. Occasionally, I have to separate them for skill subjects, like in Spelling, but then find #5 has caught (and passed) #4 again. 

So, you just never, ever know. 

[EKS]

My kids are 5.5 years apart, so I had to homeschool them completely separately.  

[Amira]

I had two close together, then one years later.  The older two homeschooled all the way through, but when the youngest was ready for kindergarten when the next oldest was in 8th grade, I knew I couldn’t start over again.  The youngest is in 8th grade now and has never homeschooled. So for me, a big gap meant that the youngest kid didn’t homeschool. Until high school, I homeschooled the older two together since they were a grade apart and we had a great time.

[Not_a_Number]

3 minutes ago, Amira said:

I had two close together, then one years later.  The older two homeschooled all the way through, but when the youngest was ready for kindergarten when the next oldest was in 8th grade, I knew I couldn’t start over again.  The youngest is in 8th grade now and has never homeschooled. So for me, a big gap meant that the youngest kid didn’t homeschool. Until high school, I homeschooled the older two together since they were a grade apart and we had a great time.

So did you wind up liking homeschooling better or sending a kid to school? Since you did both so long term... 

[Amira]

3 minutes ago, Not_a_Number said:

So did you wind up liking homeschooling better or sending a kid to school? Since you did both so long term... 

Our family situation when the older two were little was so different from what the youngest has experienced that it’s hard to compare.  I loved homeschooling the older two, and they liked it overall and are doing well in university now (oldest graduates in a few weeks in mechanical engineering and just worked on a rocket launch at NASA).  My youngest child has loved being in school.  I couldn’t have sent the older two to school in some of the places we lived since there weren’t English-language schools, and we moved so often that homeschooling really was the only option.  But that changed when the youngest started kindergarten. So, as always, it depends, and I’m really glad I was able to do both.  

[Not_a_Number]

1 minute ago, Amira said:

Our family situation when the older two were little was so different from what the youngest has experienced that it’s hard to compare.  I loved homeschooling the older two, and they liked it overall and are doing well in university now (oldest graduates in a few weeks in mechanical engineering and just worked on a rocket launch at NASA).  My youngest child has loved being in school.  I couldn’t have sent the older two to school in some of the places we lived since there weren’t English-language schools, and we moved so often that homeschooling really was the only option.  But that changed when the youngest started kindergarten. So, as always, it depends, and I’m really glad I was able to do both.  

Makes a lot of sense, thank you! Do you feel like there was any difference in education quality or no? 

[BusyMom5]

I have 6 kids, various spacing,  and a lot depends on the kids personalities and educational needs rather than age.  My oldest was gifted and always far ahead.  My second had a learning issue that made it hard for her to stay on grade level- age is 21 months apart,  but grade-wise 4-6 years difference.  I have been able to span about 5 years in some content areas, just changing output.  My youngest a 6 year space,  and im not sure what homeschooling her will be like- hoping to travel!  Right now I'm in a busy season, but who knows what 10 years from now will bring?  

[Amira]

1 minute ago, Not_a_Number said:

Makes a lot of sense, thank you! Do you feel like there was any difference in education quality or no? 

Well, that’s hard to say. My kids’ education really hasn’t been typical, either homeschooling or in school, because we’ve moved so often.  Youngest child has attended really good schools in four different countries with dedicated, well-paid teachers and the educational opportunities and diversity in class have been important to me. The older two homeschooled in four countries and multiple US states and had some really unique experiences, plus I was able to put as much time as needed into their education.  Homeschooling really worked for them. Mostly, I’m just glad that we didn’t raise our kids where dh and I grew up, because even though we got a great public education in many ways in that state, it was extremely limited in other ways.  Homeschooling vs regular school wasn’t really the issue that made a difference in their educations; it was the moving and international experience.

[Carrie12345]

There are 3.5 year gaps (give or take) between all of my kids, except there’s a 13 month gap between my daughters. (Breastfeeding is NOT effective birth control, turns out!)

For homeschooling purposes, the girls were the easiest to manage.
For parenting, the first 3-4 years with them was the absolutely, positively, most difficult.

 

[Guest]

Well, as they say, it is what it is. Kids close in age can be great or it can be terrible.  Sometimes kids close in age clash and there’s little benefit to their close ages.

 

There were things I liked about having one straggler 5 years younger, but there are things I don’t. The two older kids are living indépendant or mostly lives and the youngest is still in high school. I think that can feel lonely. And he is in a different school than they went to so they don’t have that connection point to rally around. 
 

But the main thing that is important to mention is that we make plans and God laughs. I would not have chosen the spacing or the times of year but unimpressive fertility, miscarriage and full term infant loss picked my spacing and timing for me. In the end, it had nothing to do with my ideals. 

[Momto6inIN]

Our first three are each 23 months apart, more or less planned that way. The baby/toddler years were hard. Early puberty was difficult too since the oldest was late and the middle was on time and the youngest was early so they all hit it at the same time 😳 But now that they are older teens/young adults, they are extremely close even though 2 are boys and 1 is a girl. Homeschooling them was not hard once I got the hang of it and there were some subjects they could do together.

The gap between 3 and 4 and between 4 and 5 is 4 years each, then a 7 year gap between 5 and 6, all more or less unplanned 😉 They are all girls and they all get along and play with each other well. The oldest girl (#3 from the first set) really did well at setting the tone and the example that older kids play with and include younger ones and that being the "fun big kid" is something to strive for. For that I will be eternally grateful to her ❤️  I homeschool them all completely separately since they are too far apart in abilities and skills.

Homeschooling a college bound senior all the way down to a kindergarten with everything in between was busy and chaotic, sure. But I wouldn't trade it for the world! We were in ps for many years before beginning hs'ing and I can guarantee it would have been even more chaotic and stressful if all our family time was squeezed into the hours between 4 and bedtime and also included homework and - you know, parenting *shudder*

Now that I only have 3 I am currently schooling it is sometimes hard to switch hats between elementary and middle school and high school, but I have loads more time and margin throughout the day so I can read to the toddler and help her learn to use the potty, etc.

As others have said, spacing doesn't always work out like you want and your definition of "ideal" is going to change too. I would never have chosen to have a baby at age 45 after a 7 year break. But I sure am glad that God chose her for me ❤️ I don't know if I'll hs her or not. I'd like to. But I simply don't know what the future will hold for her (and me!) at that point. Sometimes I worry that she'll be lonely at home, but I also recognize that there will very likely be grandkids around by that time too. So 🤷‍♀️ One thing I've learned is to plan all I want, but remember to hold those plans loosely 😊

[purpleowl]

Like others have said, there are pros and cons to each. 

And really...you end up figuring out your own family. In homeschooling, I can combine kid 1 and kid 2 (2yrs10mos apart) for several subjects. I cannot combine kid 2 and kid 3 (2yrs4mos apart) for anything. But kid 2 and kid 3 are much closer friends/playmates than kid 1 and kid 2. (Not that kids 1 and 2 dislike each other - they just don't have as much in common so they don't look to each other for fun. I suspect they'll grow closer as late teens/adults.)

[Miss Tick]

My older two are 4 years older than my youngest. I did that so the history rotation would be smooth. Kidding. Just how it worked, although it had worked quite well! The twins have been combined for almost everything over the years, except math. Now in high school, with the change in focus from learning basic skills to applying them, they have started to follow their own interests. All three get along well. My girls are closer friends despite the age gap, they have more common interests, but they all have a solid bond that I couldn't have engineered if I tried. Personality is the driver, I have a people-pleaser, a mediator, and a witty one, it is a good combination

[madteaparty]

Well just in the way that I’m determined never to homeschool high school for the second. I’m also trying to fix some middle schools mistakes I made the first round. The age gap means I almost have two only children. On the more positive side, oldest can now be counted on to cover something with the younger, like oversee French Hw or something like that. 

Edited November 13, 2021 by madteaparty

[katilac]

My kids were 2 years and 2 grades apart, and that was perfect for me. Kid-wise, I wanted them pretty close, because I knew I would never have the second one if I waited until the first one was a bit easier (I didn't pay extra for the sleeping models, and I'm delighted once they can talk, use the bathroom, and undo their own car seats). It was a great age gap for travel and activities, they could mostly do the same things throughout childhood. I liked being at Disney World and such and never really splitting up. 

Very handy in homeschooling as well. Lots of combining the first few years and some in later years. We did very short days in early elementary, so I never had to deal with a younger child disrupting and older child. Oldest went away to college, and the two years youngest was on her own much of the year actually did her a lot of good. She got to be the 'only child,' we didn't have to balance the schedule, it was really nice but also not years and years of homeschooling on her own. 

My kids were always very close and still are (in young adulthood), but I will also say that I am extremely close to my own sister who is the furthest apart from me (5 years older). 

 

[katilac]

3 hours ago, SusanC said:

My older two are 4 years older than my youngest. I did that so the history rotation would be smooth. 

😂