How to get to prom

[Janeway]

My son is going with three other teens. One is turning 18 a few days before prom. The prom is in another town and involves a fast and busy highway on a Saturday night to get there. The one turning 18 yrs old is planning to drive. Am I crazy to say I am not comfortable with one of the teens driving? The alternative is to have a parent drive them. I feel like I am just a stick in the mud and overreacting and need to let go. But then, all the videos and statistics about prom night flash through my head. Please help me with this.

[Home'scool]

Can they take a limo? 

I am surprised that driving themselves is even an option. Most schools now require that they either go on buses that the school provides or use limos to cut down on drinking.

Maybe they could Uber?

 

[Home'scool]

Sorry, didn't mean to be confusing. The school doesn't provide the limos, but are paid by the students individually. They usually pitch in.

The last prom my daughter went to was held in a venue about 45 minutes from the school and yes, they put them on school buses! If you did not get off a bus you could not get into prom.

Then the buses would come back for the overnight party at the school. Again, you could not get into the overnight party unless you were on the bus.

[JustEm]

I would say you are overreacting a bit.  Kids drive themselves places all the time.  I would make sure that your ds and the kids he's going with know that they can call you if they need a ride home for any reason what so ever no questions asked.  But then you have to stick to the no questions asked part if they choose to use you.  

If you are still uncomfortable then pay for an uber. I can't imagine the need for a parent to drop kids off who are almost adults

[almondbutterandjelly]

Can't the alternative be an alternate route on surface roads rather than the highway?  I agree that big city driving is scary, but if they allow more time, they generally should be able to take slower, safer surface roads.

[SKL]

Drinking at that age is still illegal, right?  I would hope it is safe to assume that at least one of the 4 teens will be sober enough to call a parent if the designated driver shouldn't drive home.

You should really go with your gut.  Maybe there is something you know about this particular 18yo that makes you nervous.

[lavender's green]

I think it's overreacting a bit, but if you're really worried you could spring for uber or a limo.

[Pen]

Curious why you seem worried about them getting there, but not about getting home. Is it all night so that it will be the next day when they return?

I would be concerned unless I knew the 18yo to be an extremely experienced driver in the sorts of conditions that will be involved, and were sure there would be no intoxicant use.

 

on way back I’d be even more concerned due to likely sleepiness — even if no alcohol etc were involved

 

if 18 yo were very experienced driver, then 18yo driver driving there might be okay, but a couple parents to do pick up - one to drive back the vehicle the kids went in would be my choice...  otherwise parent drivers both directions.  Or cab there, parent home...

[SquirrellyMama]

Not sure why limos would be a better option? There is a lot of drinking in prom limos and party buses. Yes, they aren't driving, but many people still are. There can't be enough limos to cater to every prom group.

I'm happy that my dd and her date decided not to join groups in limos or party buses. Way too much drinking and other activities happening in those.

Kelly

[Arcadia]

I would go for UberX, carpool with other parents, or limousine. Kids get excited going to the prom so I would be worried about distracted driving. Kids might get drunk coming back from prom (underage drinking isn’t rare where I was from). 

When I went to prom in late 80s, it was cab to the hotel where prom was hosted, and a family friend driving a group of us back home because parents were worried about teens taking cab rides near midnight. Mine was urban roads but people tend to speed past 10pm when roads are relatively empty of vehicles.

[SquirrellyMama]

Around here if prom and after prom are in different places they do provide school buses to get the kids to and from events. That is because of the school permits and intermediate licenses that restrict driving times. 

Kelly

[Hyacinth]

How experienced of a driver is the person who will be driving?

What do you know about the group of friends?

If the driver has been driving regularly for a while (I don’t know...9-12 months?), and I knew the group to be a generally responsible crew, I’d be okay with it. 

[QueenCat]

I'd have been horrified and so embarrassed if my parents had driven me to my prom. My kids rented a limo with a few couples. UberX is also a great idea. 

[Valley Girl]

Is an 18-year-old even allowed to drive three other teens in a car where you live? Just thinking about the thread from the the other day.

Edited March 28, 2019 by Valley Girl
typo

[hippiemamato3]

It's completely normal for kids to drive themselves to prom if they don't get a limo. I've never heard of anyone taking a bus to prom.

[FairProspects]

We live in a major metro area and I've had nannies who were 18/19 driving my kids on busy freeways every day of the week, so no I don't think this would bother me. I currently pay a 16 y.o. to drive my 14 y.o. to many of his activities, some by freeway. If a kid is 18, could go to war and drive a tank, the least of my worries is a car on a freeway. I understand somewhat, but if I'm going to release my 18 y.o. into the big wide world, they have to take these smaller risks in town, as scary as it might seem at the time IMHO.

[Guest]

I drove my kids to prom. I had a dinner at my house for several teens and then drove them to prom. I picked up my own kid at the end as well. 

I would not permit teens to drive in a group to/from prom. I really don’t care if some people think that makes me a stick-in-the-mud. Their only other option would be a paid driver, either limo or uber. I personally did not want my kids or their friends to waste a bunch of money on a limo and I sure as hell wasn’t wasting mine. 

[hippiemamato3]

43 minutes ago, Valley Girl said:

Is an 18-year-old even allowed to drive three other teens in a car where you live? Just thinking about the thread from the the other day.

Here there are no restrictions on adult drivers. 

[kbutton]

25 minutes ago, Quill said:

I drove my kids to prom. I had a dinner at my house for several teens and then drove them to prom. I picked up my own kid at the end as well. 

I would not permit teens to drive in a group to/from prom. I really don’t care if some people think that makes me a stick-in-the-mud. Their only other option would be a paid driver, either limo or uber. I personally did not want my kids or their friends to waste a bunch of money on a limo and I sure as hell wasn’t wasting mine. 

I agree, though I haven't had one old enough to go yet, so it's theoretical. I am a bit surprised people think back roads are safer--there are a lot more places to move out the way on the highway if someone is drunk. Maybe that's not the only factor, but I think most of the fatal accidents around her occur on back roads.

I don't like to go out when I know it's anyone's prom night--there are always, always, stupid things happening, and it's not always alcohol-related. Last year, a girl driving on a back road picked up other kids for prom. She immediately peeled out of the driveway and started driving 112 miles per hour down a back road because they were going to be late for dinner. Her friends begged her to slow down. It became a bit of a circus with the girl responsible coming across quite a bit like she was a victim instead of the girl who died. She is oh-so-sorry and sentenced to some mental health rehab instead of jail, sadly enough.  

I'd be okay with requiring all students to ride their bikes to prom at this point. 

I also live in a county with the worst teen drivers in the entire state (which I found out re-confirming the facts of the above story).

[Valley Girl]

48 minutes ago, hippiemamato3 said:

Here there are no restrictions on adult drivers. 

I think I'm getting things mixed up with the "under 21" license kids get issued here if they're over 18 but under 21. Just ignore me...I'm confused today.

[Pen]

5 hours ago, SquirrellyMama said:

Not sure why limos would be a better option? There is a lot of drinking in prom limos and party buses. Yes, they aren't driving, but many people still are. There can't be enough limos to cater to every prom group.

A more experienced driver whether parent or taxi or limo or bus, is less likely to have judgement impaired from excitement, tiredness, showing off, or even unfamiliar prom outfit... even aside from alcohol, marijuana etc.    

In many places in USA, much like New Years Eve and 

4th of July, you are right though that it can be a time of worse dui driving for any driver to contend with.  However teens tend to have more crashes than adults on average, and worse at night, weekends etc,— prom night sort of compounds the issues. 

 

 

1 hour ago, Valley Girl said:

I think I'm getting things mixed up with the "under 21" license kids get issued here if they're over 18 but under 21. Just ignore me...I'm confused today.

 

In most of US, afaik license restrictions end at age 18.  

However, depending on where they live it may have been just a few days that the 18yo will have had possible experience with driving passengers at night, or could have been legally doing so since 16.5 or 17, or even younger with an adult in vehicle, or if in and under 16 license state.  

I’d be more comfortable if the route is one the 18 yo has been driving for years, and with passengers, and after dark, so that only prom aspect is new.

[RootAnn]

Well, I don't know how long the 18 year old has been driving, but around here, you would be over-reacting.

I wouldn't have a problem with it as long as the kids were comfortable. But I grew up with driving permits at 15 and licenses at 16. Where I live now, many of the kids have farm or school permits at 14 1/2. Just about everyone around here drives themselves to prom -- some borrowing dad or mom's fancy car or truck. Wouldn't think a thing of it.

[ktgrok]

4 hours ago, QueenCat said:

I'd have been horrified and so embarrassed if my parents had driven me to my prom. My kids rented a limo with a few couples. UberX is also a great idea. 

 

38 minutes ago, RootAnn said:

Well, I don't know how long the 18 year old has been driving, but around here, you would be over-reacting.

I wouldn't have a problem with it as long as the kids were comfortable. But I grew up with driving permits at 15 and licenses at 16. Where I live now, many of the kids have farm or school permits at 14 1/2. Just about everyone around here drives themselves to prom -- some borrowing dad or mom's fancy car or truck. Wouldn't think a thing of it.

I never heard of anyone having their parents drive them to prom. A friend drove, or you rented a limo. I imagine now Uber is also an option. But yeah, an 18 year old who will be at college in a few months isn't the same as a 16 yr old. kid. I'd expect 18 yr olds to be driving themselves, friends, etc. 

[Pen]

I am curious about why people who I know irl as well as in discussions here often seem far more complacent about kids’ driving risks than about vaccinations.  Car crashes kill  more kids daily in USA than any thing else does.  And it is higher risk around prom time, at night and so on.  As well, costs from serious but non fatal car crash injuries an be very high like with that boy who got tetanus.  Maybe it’s a man bites dog thing.  Serious tetanus is fairly rare, very much “news”—while car crashes and kid fatalities from crashes so common that they seem “normal” to people?

[Mbelle]

I would be worried, but I guess it depend where you live.   I have been driving since I was 14 years old in the same area where I still live and I am scared to drive on the interstates around here.  People drive like absolute maniacs and are killed daily.  I would hire Uber or Lyft.  

[Janeway]

9 hours ago, Pen said:

Curious why you seem worried about them getting there, but not about getting home. Is it all night so that it will be the next day when they return?

I would be concerned unless I knew the 18yo to be an extremely experienced driver in the sorts of conditions that will be involved, and were sure there would be no intoxicant use.

 

on way back I’d be even more concerned due to likely sleepiness — even if no alcohol etc were involved

 

if 18 yo were very experienced driver, then 18yo driver driving there might be okay, but a couple parents to do pick up - one to drive back the vehicle the kids went in would be my choice...  otherwise parent drivers both directions.  Or cab there, parent home...

I am worried about both directions. And it is a Saturday night so all the more worried. 

[Janeway]

11 minutes ago, Mbelle said:

I would be worried, but I guess it depend where you live.   I have been driving since I was 14 years old in the same area where I still live and I am scared to drive on the interstates around here.  People drive like absolute maniacs and are killed daily.  I would hire Uber or Lyft.  

We live in a heavily populated area and they will have 4 teens in the car driving to a different down via a typically crowded interstate.

[mom2scouts]

My neighbor is an Uber driver and they are not allowed to pick up minors unless they are with a parent. I'm not sure how well it's enforced, but some Uber drivers may not be willing to take them.

[Pen]

1 minute ago, Janeway said:

I am worried about both directions. And it is a Saturday night so all the more worried. 

 

I would tend to think it would be highly worth a taxi, perhaps cost shared with other families, but even if they don’t want to share cost, picking up the tab for that.

Taxi presumably is less expensive than limo.  And isn’t the same feeling emotionally as a parent driving (anyway you may be tired and emotionally not in best shape to be driver on prom night either).  

One other issue can be what’s after prom? Often people leave proms and go to private parties or other places.  

Where we are prom  stuff has gotten very...over the top... in recent years.  Way, way, way beyond when I was a kid.  Parties before and after. Often alcohol and pot even if not legal or not legal along with driving are present—sometimes even provided by someone’s parents (we are in a marijuana legal at age 18 state).  

[ktgrok]

43 minutes ago, Pen said:

I am curious about why people who I know irl as well as in discussions here often seem far more complacent about kids’ driving risks than about vaccinations.  Car crashes kill  more kids daily in USA than any thing else does.  And it is higher risk around prom time, at night and so on.  As well, costs from serious but non fatal car crash injuries an be very high like with that boy who got tetanus.  Maybe it’s a man bites dog thing.  Serious tetanus is fairly rare, very much “news”—while car crashes and kid fatalities from crashes so common that they seem “normal” to people?

I don't think the two have anything to do with each other. I was fully vaccinated and my parents let me ride in cars with other teens. One had nothing to do with the other. Having mommy drive you to prom would have been social suicide when I was in high school. 

[RootAnn]

1 hour ago, Pen said:

I am curious about why people who I know irl as well as in discussions here often seem far more complacent about kids’ driving risks than about vaccinations.  Car crashes kill  more kids daily in USA than any thing else does.  And it is higher risk around prom time, at night and so on.  As well, costs from serious but non fatal car crash injuries an be very high like with that boy who got tetanus.  Maybe it’s a man bites dog thing.  Serious tetanus is fairly rare, very much “news”—while car crashes and kid fatalities from crashes so common that they seem “normal” to people?

Well, I'm not complacent about anyone driving. I do think that around here, with an 18 year old who has been driving for at least two years (probably more), she would be over-reacting.

One thing that driving & vaccinations have in common, I guess, is that you can be really careful for yourself (driving or making sure you have all your vaccines) but you could be in danger from someone else (crazy driving or infected person invades your space).

I'm a worrier by nature & nurture, but I wouldn't stop my kid from driving or being driven by a good driver in this situation. (Uber/Lyft aren't things here. Neither are taxis or limos.) I'd simply quietly worry until I heard they made it safely there, then go to sleep until she woke me up when she was home safe. I'm planning on letting my eldest study abroad despite the crazy protests, terrorism risks, and various diseases that she could be exposed to. Risk is part of life. So, I'll fret, plan as best as possible, worry about her, but let her go. 

[Pen]

 

Quote

. Having mommy drive you to prom would have been social suicide when I was in high school. 

 

That’s why in post before this one I suggested taxi as perhaps best compromise between cost , safety and emotional acceptability.  

At point my son’s class gets to prom stage (next year for junior prom, yikes) if he has license, I’d probably feel more comfortable with my Ds driving than any classmate I can think of.  Maybe one friend who has been driving since age 14 (farm license) would be better as to experience, but maybe worse as to daredevil behavior tendencies.  Better might be an older sibling of someone.  

But I think a taxi would be much safer than any of them.  

It would depend some on where a prom would be held though, distance, exact roads.   ...

Social suicide aspect may depend on place.  I would accept dc current views on that.  A lot has changed since I was that age.  Also Things can be quite different in city, suburb, rural areas even in same general geographical area.  And different too in different parts of a large country.  

I dunno.  We have teens roughly same age.  Do you think yours would be ready to drive a group of 4 to and from a prom location in another town using interstate in 2 years or whenever he’d turn 18?  I realize he may have special considerations, but so may any friend of Janeway’s Ds .  

 

[Pen]

22 minutes ago, RootAnn said:

Well, I'm not complacent about anyone driving. I do think that around here, with an 18 year old who has been driving for at least two years (probably more), she would be over-reacting.

One thing that driving & vaccinations have in common, I guess, is that you can be really careful for yourself (driving or making sure you have all your vaccines) but you could be in danger from someone else (crazy driving or infected person invades your space).

I'm a worrier by nature & nurture, but I wouldn't stop my kid from driving or being driven by a good driver in this situation. (Uber/Lyft aren't things here. Neither are taxis or limos.) I'd simply quietly worry until I heard they made it safely there, then go to sleep until she woke me up when she was home safe. I'm planning on letting my eldest study abroad despite the crazy protests, terrorism risks, and various diseases that she could be exposed to. Risk is part of life. So, I'll fret, plan as best as possible, worry about her, but let her go. 

 

I don’t know where you are or what local driving risks are where you are—prom or not.

Not having taxi etc, may suggest an area with relatively low population density, and “mid west” in profile possibly could indicate a fairly flat part of country.  The actual driving risk where you are may be lower than nationwide average.  

I did some driving in mid teens in Iowa and other driving in Los Angeles.  A long straight stretch of interstate in Iowa and the downtown interstate freeway interchanges of LA were extremely different driving conditions.  Where I am now in rural PNW mountains is different yet.  

I don’t know where Janeway is either, but if taxi is an available thing in her area it might be worth using one for prom to lower risk and stress, while still letting kids get to have prom fun.  Obviously if that’s not a thing in her area, then not an option.  

ETA: It didn’t seem as if Janeway knows if the 18yo is a “good driver”. And I’m guessing that her own Ds can’t do the driving due to laws where they are as well as perhaps lack of experience.  

Edited March 29, 2019 by Pen

[AK_Mom4]

DD17 drove my truck last year to prom with her two girl friends.  But if we had the situation you describe, I would have put on my chauffeur cap and driven the three of them.  Then hung out in a coffee shop with a book until they said they were done.   Bad or scary roads?  Meh - why take chances?

[Arcadia]

30 minutes ago, Pen said:

Social suicide aspect may depend on place.  

 

Probably. We have a school crossing guard nearly killed by drivers beating the red light. We have students nearly knocked down by cars speeding past school entrances during school dismissal time at schools where most kids can walk/bike home. Parents end up driving kids to and from the less than one mile to school. So parents or older siblings dropping off high school students to prom won’t be seen as social suicide. 

[teachermom2834]

My first ds went to junior prom when he was 17. He drove his girlfriend’s dad’s car because it was the nicest one available. He had about a 30 minute drive. 

My second ds went to junior prom at 17 but his girlfriend drove. She was the more experienced driver and had a nice car and it was in an area she was familiar with.

In both cases I didn’t love it but the drivers were responsible, there were no other couples in the cars, and parents made sure the drivers were very familiar and comfortable with the routes. In both cases there was very little concern about alcohol (I’m not naive but these particular kids are pretty straight about that) and the kids were coming straight home and not driving around to after parties. 

My second ds went his senior year and drove my dh’s car because his was a real junker. 

I was a bit worried about all of it but sometimes with teens and young adults you allow things that you don’t love but still seem like the most reasonable scenario or saying “no” doesn’t seem reasonable. You worry a bit and review the safety rules and then try to relax. 

Prom here is too expensive and over the top for my tastes but surprisingly limos aren’t a thing much. That is the one expense that would make sense to me! 

OP- only you can decide what is right for your family and your circumstance. I said yes to mine driving to prom but there are lots of conditions in which I would have said “no”. 

I am glad not to have anyone going to prom this year.

[Tap]

12 hours ago, Home'scool said:

Can they take a limo? 

I am surprised that driving themselves is even an option. Most schools now require that they either go on buses that the school provides or use limos to cut down on drinking.

Maybe they could Uber?

 

After having kids in various schools for 18 years, I have never heard of this being a requirement. It is definitely not in our area (Portland Oregon, Southern Oregon, and Vancouver, Wa).  There are so many schools in our areas that have them on the same nights, I can't imagine how teens would be able to get there.  I would guess there are probably 100 schools in our area having proms on 4 different weekends in spring.

BTW....getting a limo isn't always easy either.  My daughter group got a limo for 10....it was $50 per person to pay for the night. The reserved it months in advance and had to prepay to get it for the night. A lot of kids can't afford $50 seats (or parents won't pay) on top of an already expensive night. I told my daughter I would buy any of her group of friends seats if they couldn't  afford it, just to keep the all together and safe.

 

Edited March 29, 2019 by Tap

[Janeway]

3 hours ago, Pen said:

I am curious about why people who I know irl as well as in discussions here often seem far more complacent about kids’ driving risks than about vaccinations.  Car crashes kill  more kids daily in USA than any thing else does.  And it is higher risk around prom time, at night and so on.  As well, costs from serious but non fatal car crash injuries an be very high like with that boy who got tetanus.  Maybe it’s a man bites dog thing.  Serious tetanus is fairly rare, very much “news”—while car crashes and kid fatalities from crashes so common that they seem “normal” to people?

I completely get what you are saying. It is like the book Freakonomics. People will worry about the rare case scenario while ignoring the bigger risk situation.  All these people freak out about the vaccination stuff and talk about seizing children from parents and prosecuting and everything else over vaccinations, but then are fine with a teen out driving late at night or all over the place with a bunch of other teens in the car. 

[Janeway]

2 hours ago, RootAnn said:

Well, I'm not complacent about anyone driving. I do think that around here, with an 18 year old who has been driving for at least two years (probably more), she would be over-reacting.

One thing that driving & vaccinations have in common, I guess, is that you can be really careful for yourself (driving or making sure you have all your vaccines) but you could be in danger from someone else (crazy driving or infected person invades your space).

I'm a worrier by nature & nurture, but I wouldn't stop my kid from driving or being driven by a good driver in this situation. (Uber/Lyft aren't things here. Neither are taxis or limos.) I'd simply quietly worry until I heard they made it safely there, then go to sleep until she woke me up when she was home safe. I'm planning on letting my eldest study abroad despite the crazy protests, terrorism risks, and various diseases that she could be exposed to. Risk is part of life. So, I'll fret, plan as best as possible, worry about her, but let her go. 

She is 17 yrs old now and has a restricted license. In our state, the license is only restricted the first 6 months after you get the license and only if under 18. The mom told me that even though her license is restricted now, she turns 18 a few days before the prom so it won’t be restricted anymore, but only because she is turning 18. This tells me she has had a license less than six months.

[Pen]

26 minutes ago, Janeway said:

She is 17 yrs old now and has a restricted license. In our state, the license is only restricted the first 6 months after you get the license and only if under 18. The mom told me that even though her license is restricted now, she turns 18 a few days before the prom so it won’t be restricted anymore, but only because she is turning 18. This tells me she has had a license less than six months.

 

That’s significant.  She could still have a lot of experience if she drove on a Learners Permit extensively.  But it sounds like probably not.  Did you ask about her familiarity with the exact route, and night driving? Have you ever met her? Did her mother express feeling confident in her daughter’s ability to do the prom driving?  There are a bunch of issues it seems.  Does you Ds know this person extremely well? Or is this a not well known friend of his prom date or prom date of his friend?

Edited March 29, 2019 by Pen

[Guest]

11 hours ago, Ktgrok said:

 

I never heard of anyone having their parents drive them to prom. A friend drove, or you rented a limo. I imagine now Uber is also an option. But yeah, an 18 year old who will be at college in a few months isn't the same as a 16 yr old. kid. I'd expect 18 yr olds to be driving themselves, friends, etc. 

IME, now a fairly large number of 18yos have had their licenses for only a short while. My dd’s bf only got his at around 17 1/2 and the number of teens I know of who are in no hurry to be licensed is massively larger than it was when I was a teen. One of the reasons I’m not a big promoter of delaying getting licensed is because I don’t want my 18yo going off to college with only a few months of driving experience. 

It’s hard for me to see what is so horrible about a parent driving a group of teens to prom. Most people won’t see people arriving and if they had in my case, I was driving a nice, clean Escalade so *shrug* what’s so bad about that? If they took an Uber they might be stepping out of a green minivan with an “I 💜 My Chihuahua” sticker on it. 

But I didn’t have a limo for my wedding either, so what do I know. 

 

[ktgrok]

10 hours ago, Pen said:

 

 

That’s why in post before this one I suggested taxi as perhaps best compromise between cost , safety and emotional acceptability.  

At point my son’s class gets to prom stage (next year for junior prom, yikes) if he has license, I’d probably feel more comfortable with my Ds driving than any classmate I can think of.  Maybe one friend who has been driving since age 14 (farm license) would be better as to experience, but maybe worse as to daredevil behavior tendencies.  Better might be an older sibling of someone.  

But I think a taxi would be much safer than any of them.  

It would depend some on where a prom would be held though, distance, exact roads.   ...

Social suicide aspect may depend on place.  I would accept dc current views on that.  A lot has changed since I was that age.  Also Things can be quite different in city, suburb, rural areas even in same general geographical area.  And different too in different parts of a large country.  

I dunno.  We have teens roughly same age.  Do you think yours would be ready to drive a group of 4 to and from a prom location in another town using interstate in 2 years or whenever he’d turn 18?  I realize he may have special considerations, but so may any friend of Janeway’s Ds .  

 

I must need to update my signature, my DS is 19 now 🙂

He was driving over an hour on a highway within a week of getting his license. But he did drive a lot with his permit, before getting his license. 

Prom was about feeling "grown up" and so to me, having your mom take you seems bizarre. But I will admit that times HAVE changed, so I guess OP needs to discuss the social nuances with her child. 

[almondbutterandjelly]

8 hours ago, Janeway said:

She is 17 yrs old now and has a restricted license. In our state, the license is only restricted the first 6 months after you get the license and only if under 18. The mom told me that even though her license is restricted now, she turns 18 a few days before the prom so it won’t be restricted anymore, but only because she is turning 18. This tells me she has had a license less than six months.

Then, no, I wouldn't allow my child to travel with her.  I'm pretty sure I know which major metro area you live, and I don't even like to drive there with my 30 years of experience.  Figure something else out.

[TechWife]

If this 18 year old is responsible and the driver is committed to not drinking, I think it would be fine.

I understand your misgivings, though, I really do. They may stem less from the driving issue and more from the fact that prom is seen as a "rite of passage" for the children, and for us adults, as well.

Teens who go to prom really are on the brink of adulthood. Prom is a "grown up" night with dressy clothes, often eating out in a restaurant where they normally wouldn't eat, and a chance to hang out with friends for hours on end. It is also a good rehearsal of adulthood for the parents. Letting go is hard - this is a tiny step in that process. Seeing your own kids dressed up and looking forward to fun and the future is often bittersweet. Within a year or two at prom, many of the kids will be living away from home and the parents will have no idea exactly where their child is, who they are with or what they are doing at any given moment. That can be hard at first on the parents, who are used to being responsible 24/7.

Anyway, that's my 2 cents - I just wanted to put out there that your anxiety is a normal part of having kids that are growing up.

[Mbelle]

14 hours ago, mom2scouts said:

My neighbor is an Uber driver and they are not allowed to pick up minors unless they are with a parent. I'm not sure how well it's enforced, but some Uber drivers may not be willing to take them.

Minors around here take Uber every day.  My son takes Uber occasionaly if we can't get him somewhere.

I even know a retired person who is an Uber driver and only drives kids of people he knows.  If they need to get a ride for their child they call him and he turns on his uber app.

[Pen]

4 hours ago, Ktgrok said:

I must need to update my signature, my DS is 19 now 🙂

He was driving over an hour on a highway within a week of getting his license. But he did drive a lot with his permit, before getting his license. 

Prom was about feeling "grown up" and so to me, having your mom take you seems bizarre. But I will admit that times HAVE changed, so I guess OP needs to discuss the social nuances with her child. 

 

I’m on cell phone and can’t see your signature.  I just lost track.  .  I knew he was out of school and you were looking at programs, but the visual with hawk has dominated my sense that he was my ds’s age.  Similar tall skinny not filled out yet looks.  

My Ds is in the reluctant to get his permit stage, and his class seems dominated by reluctant drivers.  There’s even an older sister of a friend of his where she only got going with driving about half way through college .  Aside from the farm licensed kids, desire to get permit or license as early as possible seems to no longer be a thing.  I haven’t been pushing as much since that other thread.  Though I did suggest “how about getting your permit or at least going to DMV and trying the test” as a spring break activity.

[mom2scouts]

My local high school is one of the very, very few that still has the prom in the high school gym. They do an excellent job decorating and it looks amazing. The day after the prom they let senior citizens in the community use it for a Senior Prom, so it at least gets two days of use. There are many advantages to having prom at the high school, the main one being that students don't have to travel outside the community for the event. That not only prevents problems like yours, but makes it more likely that lower income students or those who don't have a big social circle (to share limo/gas/travel costs) can attend.

[Annie G]

54 minutes ago, mom2scouts said:

My local high school is one of the very, very few that still has the prom in the high school gym. They do an excellent job decorating and it looks amazing. The day after the prom they let senior citizens in the community use it for a Senior Prom, so it at least gets two days of use. There are many advantages to having prom at the high school, the main one being that students don't have to travel outside the community for the event. That not only prevents problems like yours, but makes it more likely that lower income students or those who don't have a big social circle (to share limo/gas/travel costs) can attend.

That sounds charming! Our two high schools both use the Masonic Temple that is a mile and a half from either school. The public high school’s tradition is kids show up in unique vehicles, like a model T, a tractor, a hearse, or even a borrowed fancy car like a Corvette or Humvee.  The parents are outside behind barricades and the students take a walk around the building while the parents ooh and aah over them. It’s like a red carpet walk and lots of people go just to watch.

Our other school is a Catholic high school and the guys draw names and then find creative and funny ways to ask their ‘date’ to the prom. That way everyone who wants to go has a date. It’s a sweet tradition. Students who are dating someone generally find that their boyfriend magically picked their name from the hat, but of course everyone knows they swapped with the guy who really pulled the girl’s name.   It’s super fun becuase the whole ‘asking’ part is done during a school wide assembly and the guys often team up and come up with skits or songs. all the guys wear a bag on their heads always decorated) so the girl doesn’t know who asked them until they say yes and remove the bag.   Typing it out doesn’t make it sound sweet but it really is. 

[Xahm]

I remember a solution to this when I was in school was to get a family friend with a reasonably cool car to play chauffeur. I Often a dad from  family A would drive family B's kid and friends, then when that kid A was going, kid B's dad would drive. Or older sibling, etc.

I just rode with a responsible friend.

 

[Pen]

8 minutes ago, Annie G said:

That sounds charming! Our two high schools both use the Masonic Temple that is a mile and a half from either school. The public high school’s tradition is kids show up in unique vehicles, like a model T, a tractor, a hearse, or even a borrowed fancy car like a Corvette or Humvee.  The parents are outside behind barricades and the students take a walk around the building while the parents ooh and aah over them. It’s like a red carpet walk and lots of people go just to watch.

Our other school is a Catholic high school and the guys draw names and then find creative and funny ways to ask their ‘date’ to the prom. That way everyone who wants to go has a date. It’s a sweet tradition. Students who are dating someone generally find that their boyfriend magically picked their name from the hat, but of course everyone knows they swapped with the guy who really pulled the girl’s name.   It’s super fun becuase the whole ‘asking’ part is done during a school wide assembly and the guys often team up and come up with skits or songs. all the guys wear a bag on their heads always decorated) so the girl doesn’t know who asked them until they say yes and remove the bag.   Typing it out doesn’t make it sound sweet but it really is. 

 

That sounds excellent!  We have something a bit similar for homecoming.  Unusual vehicle could be trike, rowboat on wheels...

Edited March 29, 2019 by Pen