What bank would you recommend for a new couple? Especially if one is military?

[Tap]

DD19 is getting married in June and her husband will leave for the Air Force soon after. She has a local credit union account and he has Wells Fargo (gag!).  I was going to suggest that they set up a joint account somewhere new, even if they want to keep their individual accounts too. 

Any particular banks you would recommend (or to stay away from)?

[EmseB]

USAA.

[DoraBora]

USAA

[Kimberly in IN]

USAA

[itsheresomewhere]

USAA. 

 

 

[DoraBora]

Sorry, I was interrupted.  USAA specializes in serving active and retired military and their families.  Dh and I have been with them for years -- we have a checking account and auto/homeowner's insurance policies.  They have top-notch customer service.

[umsami]

We have Navy Federal Credit Union  here in Jacksonville and it is very well regarded.  No idea if they are nationwide, though.

 

https://www.navyfederal.org

[brehon]

USAA 

[El...]

USAA. Fantastic service, worldwide. 

[scholastica]

Just in case you haven’t gotten the message: USAA.?

[hellen]

Would it be overkill if I said USAA?

They are an online bank.  It has never been an issue.  

[Tap]

I love you all!  

I almost specifically asked about USAA. LOL   I am so happy I asked, Thanks for making the choice easy!

[Bootsie]

1 hour ago, elroisees said:

USAA. Fantastic service, worldwide. 

We have had several negative issues with USAA.  One was when we were in South Korea.  DH contacted them, and supposedly the fixed the problem.  But, the problem wasn't fixed because the employee couldn't find "Soul Korea" in their system.  DH called again, and had the USAA employee say, "You say you are in Korea, is that still in the Central Time Zone?"  Given the number of military personnel they have as members, I was surprised at how much difficulty they had dealing with an ATM problem in South Korea.  In fact, they did not get it resolved until we were back in the US

[GoodGrief]

We have been with USAA since before online banking was an option; mailed in all our deposits! Modern times are miraculous :-)

 

[Ravin]

USAA, another vote, though I had a good experience with Navy Federal Credit Union back before I ruined my credit with them after I got out of the service.

While they are at it, they should switch to USAA for auto insurance, too.

[CAJinBE]

We have used USAA for banking and insurance since 1985 without any problems and lived worldwide. 

[Sneezyone]

Each of the branches have credit unions on base. These are good accounts to have when you are located overseas or in remote locations. Navy Fed is a good example of this. It's the only US bank branch on base or in this country; we’re overseas. We pretty much use it just for cash deposits and paying our mortgage but it’s very useful. We also have an account with USAA as their customer service is far and away the best of any bank or credit union that we’ve ever used. They have amazing global banking services, never any foreign currency fees, etc.

[HomeAgain]

Another vote for USAA.

They have always taken care of us, and even when communication got a little frustrating, it was still a thousand times better dealing with them than with Wells Fargo (my original bank) or Bank of America (the one dh and I first signed up for).  In fact, when we were forced to deal with BofA again, because it was a "local" bank and blah blah blah, we only made them an allotment deposit for our housing allowances.  My sister, otoh, prefers her on-base credit union, but still uses USAA for the rest of their services.

[mmasc]

USAA. 

[redheadmom]

USAA for banking and also great car insurance 

[2squared]

Gently, I would let them take the lead in asking questions and making their joint adult decisions, especially given their new military status. The military will offer a wide range of benefits, many of which you won't be aware if you haven't been a military family member. Your dd's new dh will have a lot of guidance through the military, if they are looking for it. 

[Mary in VA]

One more vote for USAA.  I have had USAA car insurance since 1977 when I was 19.  Got it because my dad had it.  Then I went in the military.  Now my adult kids have it too.  They view it as a legacy:) 

We have USAA car and homeowners insurance, USAA bank accounts, our mortgage is with USAA, and our VISA card is with USAA.  They take AMAZING care of their customers. Hit a deer in February and did over $5,000 damage. They arranged the repair and the rental car.  It was practically painless.  I cannot say enough good things about USAA. The customer service is wonderful!

[Tap]

7 hours ago, 2squared said:

Gently, I would let them take the lead in asking questions and making their joint adult decisions, especially given their new military status. The military will offer a wide range of benefits, many of which you won't be aware if you haven't been a military family member. Your dd's new dh will have a lot of guidance through the military, if they are looking for it. 

Why would you say this? Trial and error is one thing when it comes to trying new restaurants....it is quite different when choosing a bank to handle you money when you could be moved around the world multiple times in a matter of a few years.   It isn't like I am picking a bank for them and forcing them to choose that specific one! Yes, I think they should pick a military friendly international bank, but the choice is theirs to make. 

All I asked it what people would recommend.  It would be nice if I can tell them  "I asked online and my online friends overwhelmingly recommended USAA and a few said they had good experiences with Navy Federal CU".   What is the difference if I ask here, or if she goes to 20 neighbors,  asks the welcoming committee (whatever they are called) and his recruiter and asks the same thing?   Aside from the fact that she will come off as a creepy, nosey new neighbor....to go around asking strangers about their banking habits. And....I know their financial situation. How much they have in savings, her scholarship fund, what they have for investments etc. So I can tell them what they need to ask a potential bank or CU ahead of time about managing those funds and what costs/fees they may incur if they are moved vs left where they currently are. Random neighbors and recruiters don't need to know the funds and investment portfolio that they came into a marriage with.

Just because they are married  and military doesn't mean that they aren't allowed to ask for regular 'ole parental advice.   We have  2 bank accounts and 3 credit union accounts for various reasons.  Part of helping children become independent adults is helping them understand money and how to manage it.  

[HomeAgain]

6 hours ago, Tap said:

Why would you say this? Trial and error is one thing when it comes to trying new restaurants....it is quite different when choosing a bank to handle you money when you could be moved around the world multiple times in a matter of a few years.   It isn't like I am picking a bank for them and forcing them to choose that specific one! Yes, I think they should pick a military friendly international bank, but the choice is theirs to make. 

All I asked it what people would recommend.  It would be nice if I can tell them  "I asked online and my online friends overwhelmingly recommended USAA and a few said they had good experiences with Navy Federal CU".   What is the difference if I ask here, or if she goes to 20 neighbors,  asks the welcoming committee (whatever they are called) and his recruiter and asks the same thing?   Aside from the fact that she will come off as a creepy, nosey new neighbor....to go around asking strangers about their banking habits. And....I know their financial situation. How much they have in savings, her scholarship fund, what they have for investments etc. So I can tell them what they need to ask a potential bank or CU ahead of time about managing those funds and what costs/fees they may incur if they are moved vs left where they currently are. Random neighbors and recruiters don't need to know the funds and investment portfolio that they came into a marriage with.

Just because they are married  and military doesn't mean that they aren't allowed to ask for regular 'ole parental advice.   We have  2 bank accounts and 3 credit union accounts for various reasons.  Part of helping children become independent adults is helping them understand money and how to manage it.  

Gently....I think what 2squared was getting at is, when you look at all of us who use USAA, there's a reason.  His coworkers will be talking about it.  FTAC will mention it, probably.  They will see person after person pay with their USAA debit card at the Exchange and Commissary.  The AFRC (or other branch equivalent) will probably have information sitting there or mention it during Military Saves week, incoming seminars, or Heartlink.  The number of military with USAA is overwhelming and from an outsider it almost seems like we're drinking the koolaid, but there's a reason most gravitate to their banking/insurance/mortage services.  They're remarkably friendly and on point. Our issues with them have been minor, where as with Well's Fargo they were as long as my leg (starting with refusing to correct my name after they misspelled it when they opened my account).

I didn't need my parents to tell me about USAA because USAA is just about as much of the military as retreat is.  And one of the things that I was seeing before dh retired was parents getting wayyyyy too involved in their adult children's lives: scouting out best places to get an oil change in their kid's city, for example, or wanting the 1sgt's number.  So it's a fine line.  If she asks, I would tell her USAA, but if she doesn't I wouldn't volunteer the information, you know?  This is something that she and her husband are going to have to navigate on her own, just like you did as a young adult.

[Tap]

3 hours ago, HomeAgain said:

Gently....I think what 2squared was getting at is, when you look at all of us who use USAA, there's a reason.  His coworkers will be talking about it.  FTAC will mention it, probably.  They will see person after person pay with their USAA debit card at the Exchange and Commissary.  The AFRC (or other branch equivalent) will probably have information sitting there or mention it during Military Saves week, incoming seminars, or Heartlink.  The number of military with USAA is overwhelming and from an outsider it almost seems like we're drinking the koolaid, but there's a reason most gravitate to their banking/insurance/mortage services.  They're remarkably friendly and on point. Our issues with them have been minor, where as with Well's Fargo they were as long as my leg (starting with refusing to correct my name after they misspelled it when they opened my account).

I didn't need my parents to tell me about USAA because USAA is just about as much of the military as retreat is.  And one of the things that I was seeing before dh retired was parents getting wayyyyy too involved in their adult children's lives: scouting out best places to get an oil change in their kid's city, for example, or wanting the 1sgt's number.  So it's a fine line.  If she asks, I would tell her USAA, but if she doesn't I wouldn't volunteer the information, you know?  This is something that she and her husband are going to have to navigate on her own, just like you did as a young adult.

We were taking about banks and she did ask me how to choose a new one. She knows her CU is local and doesn't want to move onto her fiance's Wells Fargo accounts. Maybe your family has a different way of parenting than we do.  Quite literally, the comment I made to them was "I asked online and my online friends overwhelmingly recommended USAA and a few said they had good experiences with Navy Federal CU".  "When you get ready to transfer you xyz (specialty) accounts lets talk beforehand so we can make sure they can xyz".  That was the extent of the conversation. It is just one less thing for them to have to dwell on when they move and they can make the banking change without feeling like they are choosing blindly.

A big part of this that you are likely not aware of is that dd and her fiance are both 19yo and DD has a significant chronic illness that requires daily treatments.  They don't come from military families. They are moving out of their parents houses for the first time. She is in college here and will need to transfer to another college which means losing half of her scholarships.  They have to immediately find and navigate new primary care and specialists for her care which could mean traveling hours away from where they ware living to get doctor with her sub-specialty. She currently has 5 specialists she sees regularly--neurology, cardiology, hematology, pulmonology, GI. A regular base doctor is unlikly to know and undertand her complex medical situation. Since we have no idea where she is going, we can't transfer her care ahead of time. Yes, they know about EFP but can't get her set up until they get married and out of boot camp.  Since she will be going onto Tricare, her insurance will change and that will complicate some of her current treatments. I am keeping her on my insurance this year so she can still see local doctors who don't' take Tricare, just incase she cant get a good specials where she goes. She will just have to do as much online as possible and fly home for appointments until we find doctors closer to her. She also gets daily IV treatments so she has to reestablish with a home health team and delivery service. Set up a delivery schedule and manage making her kits and getting the correct supplies she needs.  Stress makes her worse and her fatigue level right now allows her about 6 hours of upright activity a day (with breaks). She has been working on taking over her own health care for a year, and she is doing great.  But, when she is having a rough time with her health, she can't barely get out of bed, let alone drive to an appointment. She will always need an advocate to go to appointments with her. So, on top of all of this, she has to figure out how to get those services as well.

This is a lot for a 19 yo couple. Part of what she, her fiance and I are trying to do, is make sure that everything that can be taken care of ahead of time, is taken care of.  Details like cell phone plans, car insurance, scholarships, and banking. The few decisions and processes they need to go through once they are there, the better. Better for her to keep her stress low and better for her fiance who will now be doing 100% of her supportive care, on top of learning a new job and way of life.

[HomeAgain]

5 minutes ago, Tap said:

We were taking about banks and she did ask me how to choose a new one. She knows her CU is local and doesn't want to move onto her fiance's Wells Fargo accounts. Maybe your family has a different way of parenting than we do.  Quite literally, the comment I made to them was "I asked online and my online friends overwhelmingly recommended USAA and a few said they had good experiences with Navy Federal CU".  "When you get ready to transfer you xyz (specialty) accounts lets talk beforehand so we can make sure they can xyz".  That was the extent of the conversation. It is just one less thing for them to have to dwell on when they move and they can make the banking change without feeling like they are choosing blindly.

A big part of this that you are likely not aware of is that dd and her fiance are both 19yo and DD has a significant chronic illness that requires daily treatments.  They don't come from military families. They are moving out of their parents houses for the first time. She is in college here and will need to transfer to another college which means losing half of her scholarships.  They have to immediately find and navigate new primary care and specialists for her care which could mean traveling hours away from where they ware living to get doctor with her sub-specialty. She currently has 5 specialists she sees regularly--neurology, cardiology, hematology, pulmonology, GI. A regular base doctor is unlikly to know and undertand her complex medical situation. Since we have no idea where she is going, we can't transfer her care ahead of time. Yes, they know about EFP but can't get her set up until they get married and out of boot camp.  Since she will be going onto Tricare, her insurance will change and that will complicate some of her current treatments. I am keeping her on my insurance this year so she can still see local doctors who don't' take Tricare, just incase she cant get a good specials where she goes. She will just have to do as much online as possible and fly home for appointments until we find doctors closer to her. She also gets daily IV treatments so she has to reestablish with a home health team and delivery service. Set up a delivery schedule and manage making her kits and getting the correct supplies she needs.  Stress makes her worse and her fatigue level right now allows her about 6 hours of upright activity a day (with breaks).  We have been working on her taking on her own health care for a year, and she i doing great.  But, when she is having a rough time with her health, she can't barely get out of bed, let alone drive to an appointment.  So, on top of all of this, she has to figure out how to get those services as well.

This is a lot for a 19 yo couple. Part of what she, her fiance and I are trying to do, is make sure that everything that can be taken care of ahead of time, is taken care of.  Details like cell phone plans, car insurance, scholarships, and banking. The few decisions and processes they need to go through once they are there, the better. Better for her to keep her stress low and better for her fiance who will now be doing 100% of her supportive care, on top of learning a new job and way of life.

Again, and I'm trying to say this gently, this isn't your place.

19 isn't so young.  I was 17 when I joined. 19 when I got married.  It's something she will have to navigate.

She has a support system of those in the know.  When he leaves for basic/boot camp, there are support groups now online for family members. When she finds out where he will be for tech/A-school, she will be joining a base group online, more than likely.  Even if she is not physically there.  She will be able to ask detailed questions of anything that she may need to know.  Same thing when he gets his first permanent orders.  There are base, squadron, and spouse groups available to her, and a key spouse or FRG leader or ombudsman.  She should be encouraged to reach out to those military supports.

What you wrote about her health problems have little, if nothing, to do with whether or not you should be finding out where she should do her banking.  I know you're worried about her and her husband.  I promise you, they will figure this out.  Encourage, but don't take over.  It will not be thought of well but seem more helicopterish than an adult of 19 or 20 should have when starting their own family.
She will more than likely not be able to join USAA ahead of time.  Certain options are open to non-military, but service or service connection is required for much of their offerings.

[Katy]

Another vote for USAA, but with a bit more information: Not only do they refund fees like ATM fees (though the quantity is now limited), but if there's not a local branch ANY bank will serve their customers.  So if they are buying a house and are suddenly surprised when in this area they are required to get a cashier's check for some deposits (instead of a regular check), ANY bank manager will give them a cashier's check when they show their USAA card without hassle or requiring them to open an account there.  It's been SO convenient for us that's why we keep accounts there.  They'll also overnight a debit card to you if yours gets stolen or duplicated, no fees.

But I wouldn't automatically use them for insurance.  Our insurance in two states was twice the coverage as USAA for half the price at State Farm. When I cancelled my coverage with USAA they offered to meet the same rates, but I was so annoyed that I had to bargain with them that I went with State Farm. Which was also helpful when high winds/possible tornado tore off half my roof in Oklahoma. USAA apparently took much longer to cut checks locally than the local agent, who cut us a check the same day we got him an estimate. Actually, the insurance adjuster met the roof replacement sales rep and cut him the check directly. It was great and I doubt we'll ever go back to USAA for insurance.  Especially because shortly after that I heard they were censured in Florida and some other state (maybe New Jersey?) for being too slow to cut checks for hurricane damages.  State Farm's local agent was also really great about stuff like explaining how the local laws meant we might want to adjust our previous coverage to be more realistic, or how we didn't need as much of this coverage because of state liability limits, or how we could double our umbrella liability coverage for $12 a year, or add earthquake coverage for a measly $3 per month. The USAA people didn't know enough about local laws to be able to help with any of that.

I also got really frustrated once with USAA over some credit card issue. I didn't realize the CSS or whatever the verification number you use for American Express is in a different location than the number on Visa, Mastercard, or Discover.  AMEX has a different number in the same place, so they couldn't verify my identity until I got transferred 3 times until someone had worked there long enough to point out that the number I was reading was the wrong one. I think it took 45 minutes and I was really angry by the end of that call. Seriously, that seemed like a management issue. Especially when I specifically asked two of them if the number in the signature line on the back of the card was the one they were looking for (it wasn't).

[TravelingChris]

We have used USAA bank since it started since we were having issues with Bank of America at that time.  Had no issues with them in the three years we were stationed overseas.  It has been so easy to use and we have used both USAA banking and insurance in 6 different localities we have lived in since the bank started. We used USAA insurance since we got our first car while my dh was in Officer Training School.  Our kids have USAA insurance too and no issues plus banking accounts though middle also has local credit union too.

[EmseB]

52 minutes ago, HomeAgain said:

Again, and I'm trying to say this gently, this isn't your place.

19 isn't so young.  I was 17 when I joined. 19 when I got married.  It's something she will have to navigate.

 

Oh geez.  Why is it not fine to source this info from the internet for her?  Part of navigating is asking family for information. I also joined when I was 17 and there is no problem whatsoever with asking one's mom about banking options. There's also no problem with Tap asking a bunch of experienced military folks on this forum for info to help her DD and future spouse. They can take her info and use it or not. They can also hear about it from other sources.

FRGs, ombudsmen, and spouses groups are great sometimes. Most of the time, even.  Sometimes they aren't that good.  That doesn't mean she can't use other sources or that asking mom is out of bounds or that her mom asking here is out of bounds.  Even if you get married to the military you can still ask for help from your mom. I asked for advice from my mom about banks and credit unions and personal finance after I was in the military. The advice I got from FTAC was basically not to spend too much on a brand new car out of the gate, and the local credit union came and did a spiel and "invited" us all to apply for a secured credit card to establish credit. And, frankly, being in the military left me prey to some really unsavory insurance/banking companies that my squadron didn't warn me about until after they had scammed a bunch of young airmen on base.

Please don't feel the need to explain yourself, Tap. The idea that they will be able to or should get all of their info exclusively on their own from military sources or groups is silly.

[Sneezyone]

1 hour ago, EmseB said:

Oh geez.  Why is it not fine to source this info from the internet for her?  Part of navigating is asking family for information. I also joined when I was 17 and there is no problem whatsoever with asking one's mom about banking options. There's also no problem with Tap asking a bunch of experienced military folks on this forum for info to help her DD and future spouse. They can take her info and use it or not. They can also hear about it from other sources.

FRGs, ombudsmen, and spouses groups are great sometimes. Most of the time, even.  Sometimes they aren't that good.  That doesn't mean she can't use other sources or that asking mom is out of bounds or that her mom asking here is out of bounds.  Even if you get married to the military you can still ask for help from your mom. I asked for advice from my mom about banks and credit unions and personal finance after I was in the military. The advice I got from FTAC was basically not to spend too much on a brand new car out of the gate, and the local credit union came and did a spiel and "invited" us all to apply for a secured credit card to establish credit. And, frankly, being in the military left me prey to some really unsavory insurance/banking companies that my squadron didn't warn me about until after they had scammed a bunch of young airmen on base.

Please don't feel the need to explain yourself, Tap. The idea that they will be able to or should get all of their info exclusively on their own from military sources or groups is silly.

 

Heck, I don’t even use the main spouse groups or ombudsman and we have 20 years in the game. They’ll mess around and recommend someone who has no idea what a relaxer is let alone know how to braid. I’d probably end up with a house of worship that looked askance at praise dance. ROFL. Specific needs sometimes require specific groups. 

Given your DDs health issues tho, as soon as they are married, I would encourage her to join an EFMP-specific Facebook group.

[Ravin]

4 hours ago, HomeAgain said:

Again, and I'm trying to say this gently, this isn't your place.

19 isn't so young.  I was 17 when I joined. 19 when I got married.  It's something she will have to navigate.

She has a support system of those in the know.  When he leaves for basic/boot camp, there are support groups now online for family members. When she finds out where he will be for tech/A-school, she will be joining a base group online, more than likely.  Even if she is not physically there.  She will be able to ask detailed questions of anything that she may need to know.  Same thing when he gets his first permanent orders.  There are base, squadron, and spouse groups available to her, and a key spouse or FRG leader or ombudsman.  She should be encouraged to reach out to those military supports.

What you wrote about her health problems have little, if nothing, to do with whether or not you should be finding out where she should do her banking.  I know you're worried about her and her husband.  I promise you, they will figure this out.  Encourage, but don't take over.  It will not be thought of well but seem more helicopterish than an adult of 19 or 20 should have when starting their own family.
She will more than likely not be able to join USAA ahead of time.  Certain options are open to non-military, but service or service connection is required for much of their offerings.

 

Leave off. She made it very clear that these are things her daughter and future Son-in-law have ASKED FOR advice and help with. There is nothing wrong with having parent/family help as a new enlisted family. Joining the military does not mean divorcing your family of origin. Seeking out new networks for help and support does not mean they have to abandon their existing supports, to the extent they remain available to them. 19 is not so young, but it's not so old, either. Not everyone thinks that "sink or swim you're on your own" is the way to treat young adults. 

[HomeAgain]

4 minutes ago, Ravin said:

 

Leave off. She made it very clear that these are things her daughter and future Son-in-law have ASKED FOR advice and help with. There is nothing wrong with having parent/family help as a new enlisted family. Joining the military does not mean divorcing your family of origin. Seeking out new networks for help and support does not mean they have to abandon their existing supports, to the extent they remain available to them. 19 is not so young, but it's not so old, either. Not everyone thinks that "sink or swim you're on your own" is the way to treat young adults. 

Leave off what?  Are you seriously telling me to be quiet?  And you think that's okay?  Or simply okay for you to jump in and chastise me without adding to the conversation?

If a person has personal experience, of course they should give advice.  It does not work nearly as well as when it is third hand.  Because at that point, a google search by the original information seeker would do just as well.  A parent should encourage, but should.not.take.over.  Sometimes encouraging is simply to giving first hand experience, and then having them ask the question themselves to others.

I honestly don't think you understood a single word I wrote except that 19 is an adult.  I gave resources.  I gave things that her daughter will probably need more than asking mom to ask other people for her.  You don't have to like it. 

[hellen]

4 hours ago, HomeAgain said:

She has a support system of those in the know.  When he leaves for basic/boot camp, there are support groups now online for family members. When she finds out where he will be for tech/A-school, she will be joining a base group online, more than likely.  Even if she is not physically there.  She will be able to ask detailed questions of anything that she may need to know.  Same thing when he gets his first permanent orders.  There are base, squadron, and spouse groups available to her, and a key spouse or FRG leader or ombudsman.  She should be encouraged to reach out to those military supports.

 

My husband has been active duty over 15 years and I just had to google ombudsman.  Apparently it's a Navy and Coast Guard thing.  I have never had anywhere near the level of support you have experienced.  Even when my husband deployed, I had nobody to call.  There wasn't any sort of support.  Maybe I'm clueless.  Maybe there is just less support in my husband's position.  I know other units tend to do more together such as balls or parties.  My husband doesn't work in those type of units.  

I don't think your knowledge and experience are as common as you think.  I feel like I could learn a lot from you.  Maybe Tap's daughter can as well.  

 

[Lady Florida.]

1 hour ago, HomeAgain said:

Leave off what?  Are you seriously telling me to be quiet?  And you think that's okay?  Or simply okay for you to jump in and chastise me without adding to the conversation?

If a person has personal experience, of course they should give advice.  It does not work nearly as well as when it is third hand.  Because at that point, a google search by the original information seeker would do just as well.  A parent should encourage, but should.not.take.over.  Sometimes encouraging is simply to giving first hand experience, and then having them ask the question themselves to others.

I honestly don't think you understood a single word I wrote except that 19 is an adult.  I gave resources.  I gave things that her daughter will probably need more than asking mom to ask other people for her.  You don't have to like it. 

The OP didn't ask for opinions on whether or not she should refuse to give the help they requested of her.  And asking here at the hive isn't just googling. It's asking people with experience which bank or CU they like, so she can pass along the information. Information THEY ASKED HER TO HELP FIND OUT.  Adults ask for help from other adults every day. The fact that this is her dd and dsil doesn't mean she should refuse to help them. 

@Tap I'm not military so take my third hand information for what it's worth. I do know quite a few people who are military or ex-military since we have an Air Force base and a Navy facility in the area. Also dss was in the AF. Everyone I know in military active duty or retired has been happy with USAA or Navy Federal. 

[Ravin]

2 hours ago, HomeAgain said:

Leave off what?  Are you seriously telling me to be quiet?  And you think that's okay?  Or simply okay for you to jump in and chastise me without adding to the conversation?

If a person has personal experience, of course they should give advice.  It does not work nearly as well as when it is third hand.  Because at that point, a google search by the original information seeker would do just as well.  A parent should encourage, but should.not.take.over.  Sometimes encouraging is simply to giving first hand experience, and then having them ask the question themselves to others.

I honestly don't think you understood a single word I wrote except that 19 is an adult.  I gave resources.  I gave things that her daughter will probably need more than asking mom to ask other people for her.  You don't have to like it. 

 

I already added to the conversation ON topic above.

I told you to leave off because you are arguing with the OP and questioning her reasons for even asking for the advice, even after she made clear her reasons for doing so, and dismissed those reasons as irrelevant, which they aren't. I feel it's perfectly reasonable to chastise you when you are chastising the OP in her own thread for asking a perfectly reasonable question. You could have offered those additional resources without telling her she is an overly controlling helicopter mom who needs to back off from her kid's life (using slightly less direct words).

[TravelingChris]

We spent 27.5 years in the military.  My dh never deployed but he had extensive multi month assignments in a different part of the US.  We did have spouse groups in some places but not in all.  We had basically no support at all for these extensive TDY's.  I found EFMP to be a complete hassle and zero help at all.  They demanded that I get multi page statements from all doctors all of us saw.  Then one EFMP idiot told us that maybe we won;t be allowed to move to New Mexico.  I told her this is the USA and I am a citizen and I will move wherever I want to- we were living on base in a closing base and we were just about the last ones to leave and this idiot is telling me that I may have to do what? Move out of my base home and into the neighborhood in Sacramento area with my children while my dh moves to Albuquerque?  EFMP didn't find doctors, didn't find anything for us.  Just raised my blood pressure and caused us no end of pointless running around.  I really hope they have changed since the last time I moved which was in 2011. 

[HomeAgain]

44 minutes ago, Ravin said:

 

I already added to the conversation ON topic above.

I told you to leave off because you are arguing with the OP and questioning her reasons for even asking for the advice, even after she made clear her reasons for doing so, and dismissed those reasons as irrelevant, which they aren't. I feel it's perfectly reasonable to chastise you when you are chastising the OP in her own thread for asking a perfectly reasonable question. You could have offered those additional resources without telling her she is an overly controlling helicopter mom who needs to back off from her kid's life (using slightly less direct words).

Well, bless your heart.

[scholastica]

1 hour ago, HomeAgain said:

Well, bless your heart.

You are being extremely pushy and rude. The OP and her family don't have to do things your way, it's okay for her child to ask her for advice and for her to do research. It's called support. Maybe you didn't have that, and if that's the case I'm sorry. Many families look to each other for help and advice and it's not helicoptering. It's support.

[HomeAgain]

3 minutes ago, scholastica said:

You are being extremely pushy and rude. The OP and her family don't have to do things your way, it's okay for her child to ask her for advice and for her to do research. It's called support. Maybe you didn't have that, and if that's the case I'm sorry. Many families look to each other for help and advice and it's not helicoptering. It's support.

I'm sorry you didn't understand what I wrote in any of my posts. Bless your heart, too.

[unsinkable]

Tap, the best to you and your DD.

Under "ordinary" circumstances, having one's first daughter get married and move away is a tough adjustment. And your and her circumstances are NOT ordinary. 

(((hugs)))

[SeaConquest]

Who knew this would be a hot topic?! I also enlisted at age 17, and would have loved a mother who had a clue about what my life was like. 

As the others have said, USAA and Navy Fed are both good choices. I have been a USAA member for 26 years. First class service every time.

[Ravin]

54 minutes ago, HomeAgain said:

I'm sorry you didn't understand what I wrote in any of my posts. Bless your heart, too.

 

I'm pretty sure many if not all of us can read English and understood your posts just fine. We probably all also know what "bless your heart" is Polite Southern Ladyspeak for.

[Tap]

9 hours ago, HomeAgain said:

Again, and I'm trying to say this gently, this isn't your place.

19 isn't so young.  I was 17 when I joined. 19 when I got married.  It's something she will have to navigate.

She has a support system of those in the know.  When he leaves for basic/boot camp, there are support groups now online for family members. When she finds out where he will be for tech/A-school, she will be joining a base group online, more than likely.  Even if she is not physically there.  She will be able to ask detailed questions of anything that she may need to know.  Same thing when he gets his first permanent orders.  There are base, squadron, and spouse groups available to her, and a key spouse or FRG leader or ombudsman.  She should be encouraged to reach out to those military supports.

What you wrote about her health problems have little, if nothing, to do with whether or not you should be finding out where she should do her banking.  I know you're worried about her and her husband.  I promise you, they will figure this out.  Encourage, but don't take over.  It will not be thought of well but seem more helicopterish than an adult of 19 or 20 should have when starting their own family.
She will more than likely not be able to join USAA ahead of time.  Certain options are open to non-military, but service or service connection is required for much of their offerings.

You seem to be carrying some serious baggage and need to back off.  My asking about banking is NO WHERE NEAR ME TAKING OVER!!  Are you kidding me????? Seriously?   You do not know me. You have zero idea about how I parent my children.  My 19yo daughter has the confidence to get married at 19yo, move across the country, transfer all of her medical care on her own, leave all of her friends and family,  and start a new life completely away from the only town she has ever lived in.  She is independent, courageous and smart. She started college and her first job at 16 yo and moved out at 18yo.  She has not been helicoptered nor have I "TAKEN OVER HER LIFE".   

AND yes, her health does play into this.Unless you have ever lived with a debilitating chronic illness you have no idea what you are talking about.  When she first moves, her getting stable health care is the Primary focus for her. That is why they are trying to get the little stuff out of the way now, while she is more stable. Several hours each day goes into basic self care that regular people take for granted. Her neurologist equates her fatigue level to that with someone who has congestive heart failure.  He brain is suffering with this illness and she is often bedridden for a few weeks at a time. Stress makes everything worse for her. They have no idea how she will handle the move.  Hopefully great, but it could lay her up for months. 

 

[HomeAgain]

6 minutes ago, Tap said:

You seem to be carrying some serious baggage and need to back off.  My asking about banking is NO WHERE NEAR ME TAKING OVER!!  Are you kidding me????? Seriously?   You do not know me. You have zero idea about how I parent my children.  My 19yo daughter has the confidence to get married at 19yo, move across the country, transfer all of her medical care on her own, leave all of her friends and family,  and start a new life completely away from the only town she has ever lived in.  She is independent, courageous and smart. She started college and her first job at 16 yo and moved out at 18yo.  She has not been helicoptered nor have I "TAKEN OVER HER LIFE".   

AND yes, her health does play into this.Unless you have ever lived with a debilitating chronic illness you have no idea what you are talking about.  When she first moves, her getting stable health care is the Primary focus for her. That is why they are trying to get the little stuff out of the way now, while she is more stable. Several hours each day goes into basic self care that regular people take for granted. Her neurologist equates her fatigue level to that with someone who has congestive heart failure.  He brain is suffering with this illness and she is often bedridden for a few weeks at a time. Stress makes everything worse for her. They have no idea how she will handle the move.  Hopefully great, but it could lay her up for months. 

 

I would usually let this drop but this is really frustrating.  You're putting things in quotation marks that I didn't even say.  When I said "taking over", I meant individual issues.  DH and I moved from an A-school area.  The amount of parental involvement for the military students is way too much for adults and it does affect them negatively.  That is why I was encouraging you to get her to look for first person advice instead of going through you.  Saying "I can tell you how I chose a bank, but I don't have any experience with military and banking.  Why don't you google to see what comes up?" will help her.  So will encouraging her to reach out to others going through the same thing.  Google is not stressful....is it?  That's an honest question.

Please, read my words.  I really dislike the constant piling on without looking at what I actually said, but skimming and trying to put words in my mouth.  It's not right, and it's no way to have a civil conversation.  There is not one thing I have said that is not true.

But if it pleases you to pretend that I'm responding because I have "serious baggage" and I'm rude and just a terrible human being for suggesting the matter, know that I am bowing out now.

[Tap]

54 minutes ago, HomeAgain said:

I would usually let this drop but this is really frustrating.  You're putting things in quotation marks that I didn't even say.  When I said "taking over", I meant individual issues.  DH and I moved from an A-school area.  The amount of parental involvement for the military students is way too much for adults and it does affect them negatively.  That is why I was encouraging you to get her to look for first person advice instead of going through you.  Saying "I can tell you how I chose a bank, but I don't have any experience with military and banking.  Why don't you google to see what comes up?" will help her.  So will encouraging her to reach out to others going through the same thing.  Google is not stressful....is it?  That's an honest question.

Please, read my words.  I really dislike the constant piling on without looking at what I actually said, but skimming and trying to put words in my mouth.  It's not right, and it's no way to have a civil conversation.  There is not one thing I have said that is not true.

But if it pleases you to pretend that I'm responding because I have "serious baggage" and I'm rude and just a terrible human being for suggesting the matter, know that I am bowing out now.

Why should I play stupid? Your right, I don't have experience in military or banking. BUt I can tell I posted on my board and tell her "my online friends have had good experiences with USAA". She knows that it is a online forum and while most people here are honest there are some who are not.  It just like any online source with a fairly specific demographic.  I am not an over involved military parent that you keep referencing. She has googled.....and asked my opinion.  She can take it or leave it. Google isn't stressful....but it also is full of paid advertisers, trolls, and people who are more willing to complain than compliment businesses. Information there isn't always accurate nor is it relevant to everyone's situation. She has grown up in a tech savvy home and world. She knows that the internet is just one tool. She knows how to do her own research, but also knows how to ask people she trusts opinions too. 

[Targhee]

USAA 

 

[RootAnn]

Tap, bless you for helping out when your daughter asked. My DH was in the Navy & we lived in separate states for the first several years of our marriage. (He was mostly out to sea during that time, so I wouldn't have seen him much more than I already did.) It would have been great to have some support and information/help from local people - but I wasn't local. And, honestly, from what I found out later, most of the wives & fiances didn't get much support/help from the local "support groups" either.

My dad (ex-military), my brother (military at the time), and my fiance/DH were my points of contact for help navigating finances (both banking & investing), insurance, and dealing with paperwork (powers of attorney for example). Since my DH was out of contact the majority of time, it fell mostly to my dad to help me if I couldn't find the answer myself. And I was 21!

Re: USAA - We have them for just about everything, but they aren't as good as they used to be both from a customer service perspective as well as rates. Their interest rates are downright dismal on savings accounts & insurance rates aren't always the best. (Their investment platform is also not my favorite. I much prefer Fidelity.) There is something to be said about having one point of contact for lots of things, however, so we do still use USAA for several things. When USAA started scaling up their service to more & more people, it seems like their quality dropped significantly. I don't know if they felt like they couldn't compete with their current customer base or what - but we've definitely noticed a drop-off from where they used to be.

But, yeah, nothing as bad as Wells F@rgo! 

[Tap]

11 hours ago, RootAnn said:

Tap, bless you for helping out when your daughter asked. My DH was in the Navy & we lived in separate states for the first several years of our marriage. (He was mostly out to sea during that time, so I wouldn't have seen him much more than I already did.) It would have been great to have some support and information/help from local people - but I wasn't local. And, honestly, from what I found out later, most of the wives & fiances didn't get much support/help from the local "support groups" either.

My dad (ex-military), my brother (military at the time), and my fiance/DH were my points of contact for help navigating finances (both banking & investing), insurance, and dealing with paperwork (powers of attorney for example). Since my DH was out of contact the majority of time, it fell mostly to my dad to help me if I couldn't find the answer myself. And I was 21!

Re: USAA - We have them for just about everything, but they aren't as good as they used to be both from a customer service perspective as well as rates. Their interest rates are downright dismal on savings accounts & insurance rates aren't always the best. (Their investment platform is also not my favorite. I much prefer Fidelity.) There is something to be said about having one point of contact for lots of things, however, so we do still use USAA for several things. When USAA started scaling up their service to more & more people, it seems like their quality dropped significantly. I don't know if they felt like they couldn't compete with their current customer base or what - but we've definitely noticed a drop-off from where they used to be.

But, yeah, nothing as bad as Wells F@rgo! 

Thanks for the details of your experiences. Its a good reminder that things often change and that as incomes and financial needs grow, that they may need to expand their banking choices. One thing I am trying to illustrate to them is how to compare rates (loans, interest etc) and that you aren't locked into one institution even if you use some of their features. Dh and I have had the same CU for 25 years for our main accounts. THere are only a handful of locations and none near us, We have only been in a branch a couple of times, because we do everything through ATMS or online. Customer service is amazing (still a small cu feel)  but, their loan rates are hit and miss.  We use another, larger CU for almost all of our car and home loans which has several local branches for ease of walkin service. Then our investments are at another bank. I hear so many coworkers talk and they often don't realize that you can mix/match financial services. They just go with what is easiest and not necessarily financially smart. (sometimes easy wins out in my life too :)  ) Those are the things that I want to illustrate to them so they know how to be savvy with their finances when they are making those decisions with full time incomes, long term loans and insurance rates. 

Thanks again.

[EmseB]

15 hours ago, HomeAgain said:

I would usually let this drop but this is really frustrating.  You're putting things in quotation marks that I didn't even say.  When I said "taking over", I meant individual issues.  DH and I moved from an A-school area.  The amount of parental involvement for the military students is way too much for adults and it does affect them negatively.  That is why I was encouraging you to get her to look for first person advice instead of going through you.  Saying "I can tell you how I chose a bank, but I don't have any experience with military and banking.  Why don't you google to see what comes up?" will help her.  So will encouraging her to reach out to others going through the same thing.  Google is not stressful....is it?  That's an honest question.

Please, read my words.  I really dislike the constant piling on without looking at what I actually said, but skimming and trying to put words in my mouth.  It's not right, and it's no way to have a civil conversation.  There is not one thing I have said that is not true.

But if it pleases you to pretend that I'm responding because I have "serious baggage" and I'm rude and just a terrible human being for suggesting the matter, know that I am bowing out now.

I can't figure out why it's okay (according to you) for her daughter to get info from Google or from military groups she's not even a part of yet and not her own mother asking experienced military folks online and relaying the consensus.  Your posts are seriously baffling a lot of us, so perhaps it is not a reading comprehension issue.

 

I did think of something on topic I wanted to share -- the only product I wouldn't get from USAA would be a mortgage. I've heard too many stories of closing being delayed or USAA not being communicative or being slow with paperwork for mortgages. Other than that, we've had great experience and no trouble with auto claims or renter's insurance or any other product.

[brehon]

Tap, I answered USAA earlier and I stand by that. I’d also put in a plug for Navy Fed. My family (FOO and dh & I as a couple) have had USAA for our insurance, banking, and mortgage needs for a very long time. My family has used them since my grandfather joined the USAAF during the war. 

Both my dad and dh have maintained Navy Fed savings accounts and have been pleased. 

Personally, I think it’s fine that you’re helping your dd and her fiancé with some advice. I know your dd has had serious chronic health issues for a while. Many young enlisted personnel/couples get in financial difficulties very easily. They’re almost preyed upon with predatory lending, outrageous rent-to-own schemes, etc. Just outside the font gate of every base I’ve been to (at least stateside) there are tons of businesses that cater to and “cater to” military personnel. Many are perfectly legitimate businesses and wouldn’t take advantage of young people. Unfortunately, some will.