If your kid(s) went to PS.... (after hs'ing long term)

[Soror]

Did you find it hard?

 

Ds is going next year and I've accepted it more but it still hurts.

I finally called the school Tuesday to talk to them, it was really hard and I've been in a funk since then.

I can see the pros and logically understand why he wants to go.

Gosh, it hurts.

An era is ending. I was in this for the long haul. I was committed. I enjoy hs'ing.

I feel a little robbed of the experience and betrayed.

I'm not generally all that emotional and I really thought I'd created an identity outside of hs'ing but it still feels like such a seismic shift.

Now, my daughter says she wants to go and I can just see it all ending and it just drives home how short childhood is.

And I just sooooo don't want to deal with the bureaucracy of school and their schedule.

 

Sigh. I'm trying to put on a happy face for ds. He is so excited. He really wants the social experience and wants to do well academically (he says he wants honors classes). 

 

 

[Jaybee]

Short answer is yes. I'm about to head to work but will respond later this afternoon. I can identify.  :grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug: He is much happier. 

[SparklyUnicorn]

Big hugs. 

[ashfern]

My 15 yo decided to go to PS this year. She's in 10th grade. I HATE the school bureaucracy. I told her that it has to impact our schedule minimally so she takes the bus. She has straight A's. She likes it but agrees that some of the policies are stupid. It was hard mostly because of the disruption to our schedule. She also is one to get jealous if we go on a field trip without her but she decided to not be here during the day.  

[East Coast Sue]

First oldest one wanted to go for high school, then the next one also went two years ago. This year my next two started public school and they are all doing well. I still miss home schooling, but they are doing well and attending fantastic schools. Of course, 4 kids in 4 different schools is tough for me to manage but it’s okay. Give yourself time to adjust.

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Edited March 1, 2018 by Sue in TX

[Sarah CB]

It gets easier. Dd went to public school for half of grade 11 and all of grade 12. What was hardest for me, was having her graduate from the public school. I felt a little robbed. So, I threw her a graduation party and had a table set up displaying photos of her throughout her education as well as a bunch of her school work from kindergarten onwards. We had our friends and family there and it felt really special. It gave me a chance to celebrate the end of her K - 12 education. 

 

My younger guys all started school when we moved. They went into grade 5, 7, and 9. My eldest boy graduates from grade 12 this year and I feel completely different about it. Since he had four years in school and really integrated with the school I'm happy and proud for him to graduate from there. I'll likely do something small to also honour our homeschooling years, but this school has been very positive for him. 

 

I learned to let go as well. Part of that was knowing that they were in a good school and knowing how much the teachers cared about each and every student. It made it easier for me to sit back and be the parent. I used to joke that my kids could never go to school because I'd get kicked out for intervening too much, but I learned how to change gears and everything worked out in the end - even if things weren't done exactly the way I would have done them. 

 

There's part of me that will always be sad that we moved when we did. We moved away from an amazing community of homeschoolers who were motivated to provide the best opportunities possible. If we had stayed, we would have continued homeschooling. I miss those days.

 

However, we took a different route and so they've had completely different opportunities. 

[Storygirl]

I was an extremely difficult and emotional decision for me to make. DH would have supported either enrolling or continuing to homeschool, though he agreed it was time to consider school; my children were younger (4th and 5th grades) and it was my decision, not theirs, though they were not opposed. It's not an exaggeration to say that I waffled about it for years. Some of my children have LDs, so there were specific pros and cons and fears (mine) to consider.

 

It was an adjustment, and some parts of it were challenging. But the challenging aspects were largely related to their LDs, so would be specific to my family and not applicable to all.

 

Personally, I found the logistics difficult, because I am not a morning person yet now have to be up and active by 6:30 daily. And we have to provide transportation (private schools, no busing) and arrange our daily and yearly schedule around school obligations. So it has changed both the tenor of our days and some of the freedoms we used to have.

 

However, my children are happy at school, and there are many benefits for them. There are definite benefits for me, because I was facing some extreme burnout. This is their third year in school, and I'm still finding my way in my new non-homeschooling lifestyle.

 

Overall, it has been positive for us, but it was an adjustment. The majority of the things that were hard for me came toward the beginning of the experience (adjusting to a new schedule, working to get IEPs in place, figuring out how to handle the daily grind of lunches and homework, etc.).

Edited March 1, 2018 by Storygirl

[Entropymama]

Yes. We homeschooled for nine years and then put them all in school (I have 5 school age). It was very, very difficult and I felt strongly that I had failed by having to send them. The local homeschooling community did not help with that. I spent most of the first month in bed during school hours watching movies and drinking lots of coffee. 

 

Then I cleaned out all my kitchen cabinets and started volunteering at the school and took up writing again and you know what? They did great. It turned into a really good thing. 

 

And then it all went south and we're homeschooling again now and while there are really good things about that, too, we all kind of miss school. 

 

So you never know. 

 

Just remember that for all the benefits of homeschooling, there are benefits to a good public school, too. My kids found their voices when they got to be away from me for most of the day. And I found mine. 

[EKS]

I sent kids to school twice.  The first time was horrible (for me, I mean).  I was hypercritical of the school--well, actually, they deserved it, but it drove me crazy.  I was also very depressed since I had suddenly lost the job of homeschooling.

 

So the second time in, I knew I had to change things--about myself.  I made sure I had something to do that was intellectually stimulating and took up a lot of my time (graduate school).  I also, and this was very important, decided that I could not dwell in disgruntlement about all of the bad or stupid things the school was doing.  Both of these things have been very helpful.

 

And after putting all of these "safeguards" into place, I am now homeschooling part time again.  

[Soror]

Thanks for sharing and commiserating guys.

 

I know I've whined about this already.

 

I am feeling a *pinch* better but it comes in waves and I think each step is going to be a challenge. I might need a prozac the first time I go to the school.

 

I'm trying not to focus on the negatives of the school, for his sake and my own. We'll see how my resolve holds up when he actually starts and I have to deal with it full time. I HATE stupid rules so it will be a lesson in patience.

[mytwomonkeys]

Both of my children home schooled through elementary.

 

My daughter has been in public school since 6th grade. She is in 10th grade now and doing great. She’s in honors classes, has a really great set of friends, we’ve had no drama or issues whatsoever. It’s been smooth.

 

My son also went to public school for a few years. He asked to return home this year (he’s in 8th grade) and we will homeschool from here on out. For him, there were a lot of pros and cons. He made good grades, was on student council, and seemed to make friends easily - but keeping up with the workload was just too much. He just could not stay organized and it was exhausting for me. I was constantly having to communicate with his teachers, go through his back pack, quiz him about his day to make sure he didn’t forget any assignments, etc. He would forget to turn things in & I constantly would have to write reminders on his arm in sharpie (because he’d lose his to-do list).

 

Anyway, let’s just say we are so much happier now. He really loves homeschooling and thrives here. Ironically, at home he is completely self-sufficient now. I give him his assignments for the week & he totally oversees himself with no issues whatsoever. It was a pleasant surprise for me considering all we went through.

 

My advice is to go for it. And no worries. It will be a learning curve for you all, but you will figure it out together. He will either like it or he won’t & you can cross that bridge when it comes. Even though my son is home again, our experience with public school was not a negative one. His teachers were wonderful & we both learned a lot from the experience.

[8circles]

I have all my kids in public schools this year for the first time. I have 4 between 2nd grade and 9th.

 

It's been an adjustment. I was over the hurt part of it before school began in the fall. We are all happy with how it has turned out, even though there are things that are less than ideal and difficult. Homeschooling wasn't perfect either.

 

Best of luck to all of you. It will be OK.

[katilac]

Dd went to public school for half of grade 11 and all of grade 12.  

 

 

omg, I would have killed her, lol! That's like climbing Mount Everest almost all the way, "You can stop now, we're going to helicopter this other person in to reach the summit." 

 

OP, my kids never went to school. If they had, I would have had all the feelings. My youngest is graduating in May, and I'm excited but rather weepy also. It's not even that I want to continue homeschooling (I'm tired), but, as you said, the end of an era.  

 

You need a few hours to yourself to think all the thoughts and feel all the feels. Coffee shop with a latte and muffin, followed by a walk in the park? 

[readinmom]

Ds went back after homeschooling grades 6-9.  Biggest adjustments are the rules and communication.  Bathroom breaks, sick days, etc. were hard because everything is controlled.  The communication part will be difficult.  Where you previously knew everything about his day, what academics needed to be covered will be gone.  If he is not experienced in filling out a daily planner, start now.  Even though schools now have gradebooks online and daily homework emails, it still doesn't cover the frustration you might feel when he comes home uncertain about what is due.  

 

Ps is not the end of the world.  Homeschool, private, or public, it is what the kid makes of it.  Going in with a positive attitude makes all the difference.  I'm with you on the hurt, though.  Dd just asked to go back after spring break, but we asked her to wait until the start of the new school year.  It didn't make sense to go back with 6 weeks left.  

 

Good luck, and have faith.  I'm sure it will be a good experience for both of you.   :grouphug:

[displace]

Is it possible to focus on some things you know the school can provide better than you can? Maybe academics, extracurriculars, events, or experiences? Parents are just trying to do the best for their kids, and maybe if the school positives are really good it might help your focus to think, “DS can do AP chemistryâ€, or whatever?

 

I’d also focus on self - what things would you like to accomplish for you? Have something to look forward to for your self.

[Soror]

Ds went back after homeschooling grades 6-9.  Biggest adjustments are the rules and communication.  Bathroom breaks, sick days, etc. were hard because everything is controlled.  The communication part will be difficult.  Where you previously knew everything about his day, what academics needed to be covered will be gone.  If he is not experienced in filling out a daily planner, start now.  Even though schools now have gradebooks online and daily homework emails, it still doesn't cover the frustration you might feel when he comes home uncertain about what is due.  

 

Ps is not the end of the world.  Homeschool, private, or public, it is what the kid makes of it.  Going in with a positive attitude makes all the difference.  I'm with you on the hurt, though.  Dd just asked to go back after spring break, but we asked her to wait until the start of the new school year.  It didn't make sense to go back with 6 weeks left.  

 

Good luck, and have faith.  I'm sure it will be a good experience for both of you.   :grouphug:

We're working on some skills now for classroom work, I'm hoping I can prep him somewhat at least although I think it will still be hard.

 

Is it possible to focus on some things you know the school can provide better than you can? Maybe academics, extracurriculars, events, or experiences? Parents are just trying to do the best for their kids, and maybe if the school positives are really good it might help your focus to think, “DS can do AP chemistryâ€, or whatever?

 

I’d also focus on self - what things would you like to accomplish for you? Have something to look forward to for your self.

I am working on focusing on the positive, there are a lot of good things about him going.

As you mentioned the extracurriculars, events, and experiences that I cannot offer in our town with such a small hs'ing population.

I think the academics will be better on some things and not as good in others.

It will give me time to really focus on my girls' schooling, being the oldest and having ADHD he has always got the lionshare of my attention. 

He really thrives working with others and does not like to work independently, I think he will enjoy classroom learning. 

It is less work hs'ing for me and shifts a good deal of responsibility off my shoulders.

 

Nearly all of my close friends put their kids in school last year so I do have IRL people to talk to and that has been a HUGE help, we commiserate together. I don't know what I want to accomplish, I spent a lot of time working on some different goals last year and have pulled back this year, we've had a lot going on and I needed a break. I *think* I'd like a little job but I don't think I want any kind of career. 

[GoodGrief]

My youngest went after I had been homeschooling 14 years. I still had two more years before my homeschooled high schooler graduated, so that gave me some transition time. There are pros and cons for sure, but the most difficult part is figuring out a new identity after all the years of "homeschool mom."

[Pawz4me]

No, I didn't find it particularly hard at all. But both of mine went back to public high school. I'd homeschooled DS22 for four years and DS19 for seven years. I think we all thoroughly enjoyed our homeschooling years, but I don't mind admitting that high school intimidated me. In eighth grade they were both fast outpacing my abilities in math and science. We all felt that the paths they chose were good fits for them.

[wintermom]

Yes. We homeschooled for nine years and then put them all in school (I have 5 school age). It was very, very difficult and I felt strongly that I had failed by having to send them. The local homeschooling community did not help with that. I spent most of the first month in bed during school hours watching movies and drinking lots of coffee. 

 

Then I cleaned out all my kitchen cabinets and started volunteering at the school and took up writing again and you know what? They did great. It turned into a really good thing. 

 

And then it all went south and we're homeschooling again now and while there are really good things about that, too, we all kind of miss school. 

 

So you never know. 

 

Just remember that for all the benefits of homeschooling, there are benefits to a good public school, too. My kids found their voices when they got to be away from me for most of the day. And I found mine. 

 

:iagree:   I agree. You just never know how educational situations are going to change and evolve. And what works for one child doesn't necessarily work for all children.  I've had 2 of my 4 dc go to school after homeschooling their entire lives. They returned to homeschooling and are doing well. My oldest is doing a Canadian version of a dual enrollement/community college type of thing, so I'm not doing much of the academic stuff with her, though she's still officially being homeschooled.

 

Who knows what will happen with your family. Don't get too depressed, though, as things can change in a heartbeat. This will be another new learning opportunity for your dd and the rest of your family. Look for the positives, if you can. (hugs)

[dirty ethel rackham]

Did you find it hard?

 

Ds is going next year and I've accepted it more but it still hurts.

I finally called the school Tuesday to talk to them, it was really hard and I've been in a funk since then.

I can see the pros and logically understand why he wants to go.

Gosh, it hurts.

An era is ending. I was in this for the long haul. I was committed. I enjoy hs'ing.

I feel a little robbed of the experience and betrayed.

I'm not generally all that emotional and I really thought I'd created an identity outside of hs'ing but it still feels like such a seismic shift.

Now, my daughter says she wants to go and I can just see it all ending and it just drives home how short childhood is.

And I just sooooo don't want to deal with the bureaucracy of school and their schedule.

 

Sigh. I'm trying to put on a happy face for ds. He is so excited. He really wants the social experience and wants to do well academically (he says he wants honors classes). 

Yes.  I found it very hard.  I still do.  Homeschooling was my niche.  It is where I had close friends ... people who got me.  Plus, dd and I are very close.  I felt like I Iost my daughter, my community, and my purpose.  She started going to high school part-time as a freshman (2 classes), and is now going almost full-time.  She will graduate from my homeschool, but most of her transcript comes from the high school.  My last hurrah was doing the counselor portion of the common app.  We have been fortunate that the bureaucracy of school has not been too difficult (and I did not get involved much at school because I can't stand the other parents ... people who major in the minors.) 

 

For dd, her going to the high school has been a blessing for her.  To tell the truth, I was burned out on homeschooling.  I was stressed out with her older sibling with mental illness and her going to school did help shield her from some of the turmoil.  She did not have many academic peers in our local homeschool community.  They didn't want the same challenges.  She wanted to be in a bigger pond.

 

But, as I prepare to launch my youngest child, I am adrift.  The only community I have is attached to dd's activities, so when she leaves, I won't have those anymore.  I am back in school myself, but I am only taking one course at a time for the moment and I am not with "my people." 

[Jaybee]

(Warning: long) My story may be hard for me to express very well, at least in a way that makes sense. Our youngest ds is 14. We had a move last fall to a new state. Ds had really begun to get restless at home in the year before. He likes to be out with people and busy. Very busy. He has trouble entertaining himself and struggles with boredom a lot when he is at home. It's pretty extreme, and I have never been a mom who entertains her kids. Our older kids never had trouble entertaining themselves. I cannot find enough for him to do when we are at home. He would love to live on a farm or ranch where there is work to do all the time, but we don't. He is very social; not just with other kids, but also with adults. He seems to like having lots of adults in his life that he can relate to. I had decided to try ramping things up for him a bit this school year as he is in eighth grade, by using curriculum that would allow him to work more on his own (he has a learning disability). It was a huge flop. He wants to work on his own, and has a lot of self-motivation, but he needs a lot of guidance and correction with the material. So after our move to this community and talking with a friend who lives here, we decided to send him to the public school down the road from us, close enough to walk.

 

I still mourn that homeschooling wasn't working for him. The lack of freedom to go and visit our family back in the state we left really bugs me. However, he is so much happier. When we see his teachers out and about, they tell me how much they enjoy having him in their classes. I was worried about how he would do academically. He passed the placement tests with flying colors, and doesn't have an IEP or 504, which really surprised me. I am not very impressed with the academics here, though the school system is supposed to be one of the best in the state (not saying much). I have high academic standards and expectations. But this is where I may have trouble expressing it: For this child, the situation here seems to be a good thing. He may be a bit of a late bloomer, and the lack of pressure is good for him. His grades are not stellar, but they are not bad (for him), considering how he was doing on the things I was grading (failing everything but math). So he doesn't feel bad about himself academically. He comes home and does his homework on his own, and he does any assignments ahead of time. He is much more motivated for his teachers than he was for me. He absorbs a lot more information from people outside our home for some reason, whether it is church or school or soccer. I wish it weren't so, but that's the way it is, so for his sake, it is important for me to accept that, and give him access to it. It has taken the pressure off of our relationship, and I am able to let go of the academics and let him be responsible for it, which has helped a lot. I don't like it that they seem to watch a lot of videos, or have days they don't accomplish much, but he is blossoming. This semester, he is taking a STEM elective where they introduce various technology themes, and he is loving it. He is looking forward to high school, and that he will be able to take some computer electives. There is a good tech school nearby that the high school kids can attend free of charge, and he is excited about his plans to go there later in high school. So overall, it seems to have been the right decision for him. I think it would be selfish of me to insist on keeping him home, even though I have had to adjust my own picture of what this time would look like. (That is happening is several areas of my life, so I'm kind of reeling in some ways, but it's stretching me in some good ways too. It's not bad, just different than what I was expecting, and messing with the picture I had in my head of how things would look right now.)

[Sneezyone]

I have one who went back to school last year (which was tough for me because I WANTED those two years with her to solidify her foundation in a couple more subjects) and one who is still home. It was hard. It still is. I think the hardest part is the focus on grades rather than authentic learning and being tied to that darned school calendar! With block scheduling, missing even two days of school can be a major problem. Still, oldest has enjoyed lots of friend time, so much so that she is looking forward to coming home for next year.

[MEmama]

Mine started high school this year. No, I didn't find it hard.

 

For us, the timing was perfect. We had the summer to transition which worked out really well. Between volunteering and his first job --and getting himself to and from each--he was super independent; there were entire days that we barely saw each other. That helped (me) get used to having space and time to myself. In regards to school, he was just *ready* for the new challenges. It's worked out perfectly for him.

 

I will say the transition was more of a shock for DH and myself than it was on DS. Mostly because homework eats up nearly all his free time, so dedicated family time is much, much less than it used to be. I think public school families wouldn't notice it as much, but of course we'd been spoiled having him home for so many years. On the other hand, I was able to get a part time job I love, so I'm feeling like my life has a lot more balance.

[MEmama]

Regarding the silly rules and so forth...I'm actually glad he's learning to navigate them now, instead of later when he goes off to college. I'm equally glad he's learning them now because he's old enough to see through them, to see them for what they are and to decide for himself when to get fussed and when to just go with it. Huge life lessons in a safe environment. It's a win for me.

[Ali in OR]

We had an easy transition with both girls, but it was always part of our plan that they would go to our decent but not amazing public high school. They were ready, we were ready. They have done very well in school and have been able to do so many things that they wouldn't have as homeschoolers (school musicals, band, AP classes, seeing friends regularly, having different teachers who are experts in subjects that I am not).

 

But with my youngest starting high school this year, it is very true that I have needed to redefine myself. It is not healthy for any of us for me to be living life through my kids. After about a month at home working on some cleaning projects, I got signed on as a substitute teacher in the district. Most of the jobs that I've taken that fit my weird schedule are just being an educational assistant in elementary classrooms, using a lot of those old homeschool teacher skills. I enjoy getting out of the house and I enjoy having a little money to spend.

 

I think you will still have young kids at home, so you're not really leaving homeschooling yet. Build a few more memories before your kids move on. When I think back fondly on homeschool days, I often remember the lifestyle things that made those years special. The time we ditched school to watch a matinee of Tangled. Doing a subject or two in a coffee shop. Read-alouds on the sofa. Make a few more special memories this spring and then let your children grow in new ways.

[footballmom]

I understand your hurt, mourning and sadness.  I really struggled when all the kids decided to try PS this fall.  The oldest ones have loved it.  The youngest came home mid-year and we are both loving our homeschool life again :)  So, I think if you can frame it as a "right now" it could help you.  They want to try it "right now" as in the next school year and it may be a great fit or it may not. It is all changeable. 

 

The adjustment has been hard on me feeling like we are on the school schedule roller coaster and the kids have had to adjust to ridiculous rules and assignments.  I got a call from administration because DS had hand sanitizer on the bus.  Um, what?!  They have recognized they are not really "learning" but rather regurgitating and aren't really going for a deep understanding of anything.  

 

I miss afternoon picnics with read alouds, impromptu field trips, skiing during the winter because we could shift our schedule, etc with my oldest kids.  But I try to remind myself they had those experiences!  Going to school now doesn't take those memories away.  Ironically, I did adapt pretty quickly to having several hours of time to tackle projects, work, etc and I had to readjust when the youngest came home again just a couple of months later.  :)

[dirty ethel rackham]

I have one who went back to school last year (which was tough for me because I WANTED those two years with her to solidify her foundation in a couple more subjects) and one who is still home. It was hard. It still is. I think the hardest part is the focus on grades rather than authentic learning and being tied to that darned school calendar! With block scheduling, missing even two days of school can be a major problem. Still, oldest has enjoyed lots of friend time, so much so that she is looking forward to coming home for next year.

Dd wrote about this in her college application essays.  This was a hard adjustment for her.  She never understood people that didn't want to learn.  She didn't get it until she went to school and found herself becoming more grade focused and found herself triaging her homework.  She also discussed this in her AP Psych class when they were discussing intrinsic vs. extrinsic motivation.  She hadn't outed herself as a homeschooler to this class prior to then.

 

Edited for clarity

 

Edited March 1, 2018 by dirty ethel rackham

[DawnM]

It was hard at first, and I worried sick.

 

But it has gone SO WELL and so smoothy.  

 

And I am now really happy with the decision.

[SquirrellyMama]

All 3 of mine are now in PS. I didn't have trouble, and grade wise they have all done fine. My 14yr old had some bumps last year with attitude, but is doing better this year.

 

I was ready for them to go to school, which probably helped :)

[sassenach]

Did you find it hard?

 

Ds is going next year and I've accepted it more but it still hurts.

I finally called the school Tuesday to talk to them, it was really hard and I've been in a funk since then.

I can see the pros and logically understand why he wants to go.

Gosh, it hurts.

An era is ending. I was in this for the long haul. I was committed. I enjoy hs'ing.

I feel a little robbed of the experience and betrayed.

I'm not generally all that emotional and I really thought I'd created an identity outside of hs'ing but it still feels like such a seismic shift.

Now, my daughter says she wants to go and I can just see it all ending and it just drives home how short childhood is.

And I just sooooo don't want to deal with the bureaucracy of school and their schedule.

 

Sigh. I'm trying to put on a happy face for ds. He is so excited. He really wants the social experience and wants to do well academically (he says he wants honors classes). 

With my eldest, it was a relief. Homeschooling was contributing to a really unhealthy dynamic in our relationship. With my second (homeschooler, third kid), it was a natural transition because we sensed it coming and planned for it.

 

With my last, it was kind of hard. She was wonderful to homeschool and we only got word 4 days before school started that she got the transfer needed to go to school (vs stay home for another year).

 

I felt like a failure with my first, because it was such a hard relationship and hard decision. With the last 2, it felt like a natural ending, if not a little abrubt with the last one.

 

It probably helps that I never saw myself hsing all the way. We pretty much always had brick and mortar high school in our sites. It was a long time plan that I would go back to school when we got to this point, and I am.

 

And no, I don't love everything about it.