I'm sick to death of homeschooling

[Ginevra]

Talk me back from the ledge. Probably a lot of this is hormonal. But a lot of it is not. OTOH, I want to shore up DS12's last year (two more at most) of hsing as best I possibly can so he will be as sucessful as possible when he enters school. On the other, I just want him to learn the freak independantly for once in his life, please! I have meticulously taught him AAS, because he is not a "natural" speller, and he knows the rules well and performs well in the context of the spelling program. But while he's doing the rest of his schooling he asks me how to spell every bloody word but "it" or "the". I feel like my ears are going to rupture just from the constant requests for spelling help. I often direct him to attempt the word and he often does spell it right, but this still requires me to focus on him.

 

I'm torn between wanting him to work on things independently and needing to be up-to-speed on what he's doing and of course, I want to discuss things with him as he goes along. If I don't know what he just read, I cannot do this, but if I listen while he reads aloud, I can barely do anything else. I work two days a week (I am at work right now) and I'm constantly in conflict between this need to know vs. want for him to just be QUIET for a freakin second while I complete one whole, entire thought.

 

I'm sorry - I just feel like every day, I doubt I can complete this whole, looming entire year. Gotta go.

[Nemom]

Sorry, no words of wisdom just lots of  :grouphug:

Edited October 10, 2017 by Nemom

[FaithManor]

I have no words of wisdom. I went through this when de graduated and I still had three boys at home with four, five, and seven years left. If felt like I would never be done, and burn out was real.

 

Last day is half through his senior year already, just pouring on the steam to get done early and take a couple extra DE classes next semester. I am so glad the finish line is this close because I don't think I have another year in me.

 

Someone asked me to help her Homeschool her son next year for high school, and I think I really offended her with the look of horror on my face. I didn't mean to be offensive, but she really caught me off guard and there was no masking the initial response of my brain which was violent opposition to the idea.

[OneStepAtATime]

:grouphug: 

 

Does he have anxiety with regards to academics?  Could he be a stealth dyslexic?  Is it possible for him to use a spell checker to take that part off of you?  

 

FWIW, at 12 a lot of kids still need someone nearby and many kids learn better with interaction.  Perhaps putting him in school earlier rather than later would work?  Or hiring a tutor to come once a week to help him work through material?

[Sneezyone]

Can you leave the room for a while while he's working or put on some headphones to make sure he knows you're unavailable for manini questions??   :grouphug:

[prairiewindmomma]

Can you get him an i-device with siri to tell him how to spell something? Seriously, if that's the thing that's driving you over the edge, teach him to use electronics.

[OrganicJen]

I know how that feels...We go through that too. My son can't seem to learn or focus on what he's reading if he's not reading aloud and even then I still have to constantly check for comprehension, and so I have to listen to all the reading. What we do is go through his schedule for the next day each night to pick out and highlight things he can do on his own like copy work, writing dates on time line, writing definitions of vocabulary words, labeling maps, practicing memory work, etc, then the next day there are chunks of time he can do those things at least on his own, but it's still really hard every day because I'm an introvert and really need quiet sometimes. I usually have him do some of his reading aloud when the baby is eating breakfast, then he works alone in his room on the things we chose the night before, then when the baby naps we get the rest done. My goal is to get things done as early as possible so I can have a few minutes of quiet after he finishes and before the baby wakes. I get very little besides school and taking care of the baby done each day and am way behind on a ton of projects and work, so I don't know that I have any answers really but it's definitely not just you...I feel your pain and it sounds like you have been an amazing mom and home educator.

[Barb_]

It sounds like a bad habit. Here is how I've handled similar in my house. I sit the child down first thing in the morning and explain there is a new rule. He is well prepared for spelling and has developed a habit of too much dependence on me. I am going to help him break the habit by reminding him every time to follow the spelling rules (or break it out, or whatever you say when you want him to do it himself).

 

Buy him a dictionary or have him load a dictionary app on his device and turn it over to him. Be the broken record. Every time he asks you, respond in exactly the same way. Disengage. You just have to outlast him :D

 

The worst that can happen is that he gets mad and spells things wrong to spite you. Calmly hand the assignment back with the misspellings circled and have him do it again.

 

I get that it's not just about the spelling. I told my son that if he learns nothing else this year it will be persistence and grace in the face of challenge. Some days all he does is his algebra lesson and it takes six hours. But he gets through it himself with no hand holding from me. He's slowly getting there. I feel like my girls had more determination by 12. Maybe it's a matter of boys maturing a year later? I don't know...I just remember them meeting higher expectations by this age.

[heartlikealion]

Can you tell him to finish the assignment and that you're going to look for errors so he needs to double check it himself? Maybe point him to a dictionary? Refuse to answer him until he's tried sounding it out/checking the dictionary?

 

My son has asked me questions before that I didn't realize were part of a test. I think, "now I know you would not have asked your teacher in class!" I think they get used to asking us.

[Ali in OR]

I understand. 6th and 7th grade with my youngest were the worst here, and some days I wondered if we would make it through 8th grade which was always my homeschool goal. 8th grade turned out to be wonderful--probably due to some maturing on her part but also a whole lot of outsourcing! She did science, Spanish, and band at the public middle school and writing online. And I'll be honest--it does feel good to be done and on the other side (she's now a freshman at the public high school). You will get there.

[KungFuPanda]

Get him an old school electronic speller. It's much less distracting than getting online.

[Chrysalis Academy]

:grouphug:  I can so relate. Puberty sucks.

[mommyoffive]

I am feeling the same way. 

[Pink and Green Mom]

When mine used to ask me how to spell every stinking word, I would say "gee, I guess you need to practice that word. How about you write it 10 times for me?"  He quickly got over that annoying habit/laziness.

 

 

ETA:  SWB's podcast/workshop/download on Teaching Your Child To Work Independently is very helpful as well. 

Edited October 10, 2017 by Pink and Green Mom

[Guest]

No advice but life on the other side of rough homeschooling is amazing! My kids have excelled in public school; my math phobic daughter has 108% in her algebra class! Hang in there!

[Cinder]

Can you leave the room for a while while he's working or put on some headphones to make sure he knows you're unavailable for manini questions??   :grouphug:

 

Your reference to minor things as manini reminds me of my mom and growing up in Hawaii. I don't think I've ever heard anyone outside HI use that term.

[Cinder]

ETA:  SWB's podcast/workshop/download on Teaching Your Child To Work Independently is very helpful as well. 

 

Thanks--I need to check this out. I'm in a similar place as Quill.

[Guest]

Can you get him an i-device with siri to tell him how to spell something? Seriously, if that's the thing that's driving you over the edge, teach him to use electronics.

It is a good idea. He has an iPod and is very familiar with using Siri.

[Guest]

It sounds like a bad habit. Here is how I've handled similar in my house. I sit the child down first thing in the morning and explain there is a new rule. He is well prepared for spelling and has developed a habit of too much dependence on me. I am going to help him break the habit by reminding him every time to follow the spelling rules (or break it out, or whatever you say when you want him to do it himself).

 

Buy him a dictionary or have him load a dictionary app on his device and turn it over to him. Be the broken record. Every time he asks you, respond in exactly the same way. Disengage. You just have to outlast him :D

 

The worst that can happen is that he gets mad and spells things wrong to spite you. Calmly hand the assignment back with the misspellings circled and have him do it again.

 

I get that it's not just about the spelling. I told my son that if he learns nothing else this year it will be persistence and grace in the face of challenge. Some days all he does is his algebra lesson and it takes six hours. But he gets through it himself with no hand holding from me. He's slowly getting there. I feel like my girls had more determination by 12. Maybe it's a matter of boys maturing a year later? I don't know...I just remember them meeting higher expectations by this age.

Yeah, I feel like this could work. As it is today, I said, "Honestly, son, you just have to read this to yourself today and do the best you can without asking me. I must get this thing done for dad and I cannot do it with you talking to me so much." It works okay for some subjects, but it seems like I can't do it this way every day because then I have no idea what he's reading or if he is really comprehending it until some later time when he doesn't know something and I have no clue what the textbook/video/whatever told him to do. And so, as Organic Jen said, I do like to keep checking that he understands, or is pronouncing words right, or what not.

 

But yeah, some of what is so frustrating is that DD was almost totally independent by middle school. She easily learns by reading. I could give her a stack of books and a schedule for what she was supposed to do and I would barely hear from her about schoolwork all week. And then I would check her work and she clearly understood it just fine. But my boys have not been like this and I believe that I short-changed my older DS through the middle grades because I didn't really understand his different needs. So I'm determined not to mess up younger DS. Except for I might lose my bloody mind...

[Guest]

When mine used to ask me how to spell every stinking word, I would say "gee, I guess you need to practice that word. How about you write it 10 times for me?" He quickly got over that annoying habit/laziness.

 

 

ETA: SWB's podcast/workshop/download on Teaching Your Child To Work Independently is very helpful as well.

I need to check this out.

[katilac]

I would not want to transfer the reliance to Siri or spell check. He needs to gain confidence in what he can spell, and realize what he has trouble with. Plus, spell check will not catch mistakes like loose and lose, they are both spelled correctly. I prefer the idea of having him do his best as he writes the paper, and then you can edit and circle misspellings for him to correct.

 

I wouldn't be punitive or exasperated about it, just inform him that he will be doing it that way in school, so it's just preparation. 

[ErinE]

I would buy a dictionary, one of the super thick ones, and tell the child I was unavailable for spelling questions during school hours. :grouphug: I've used the phrase, "Let me google it for you" in a slightly sarcastic tone with my fifteen year old.

[Guest]

I would not want to transfer the reliance to Siri or spell check. He needs to gain confidence in what he can spell, and realize what he has trouble with. Plus, spell check will not catch mistakes like loose and lose, they are both spelled correctly. I prefer the idea of having him do his best as he writes the paper, and then you can edit and circle misspellings for him to correct.

 

I wouldn't be punitive or exasperated about it, just inform him that he will be doing it that way in school, so it's just preparation.

Yeah, that's a big part of why I tell him to attempt to spell it before I correct him; I want him to learn it.

[Guinevere]

I've been easing my dd12 into sort of an office hours mindset. She's slowing getting better about condensing her questions and concerns into meetings with me, instead of interrupting me 7000 times a day. Maybe if you tell him you will be available from x to y time to answer his questions, he will leave you alone for a while?

[prairiewindmomma]

I would not want to transfer the reliance to Siri or spell check. He needs to gain confidence in what he can spell, and realize what he has trouble with. Plus, spell check will not catch mistakes like loose and lose, they are both spelled correctly. I prefer the idea of having him do his best as he writes the paper, and then you can edit and circle misspellings for him to correct.

 

I wouldn't be punitive or exasperated about it, just inform him that he will be doing it that way in school, so it's just preparation. 

 

Right, but if this kid has dyslexic tendencies, as Quill has alluded to in other posts, he may never spell well naturally on his own, especially if he has poor visual memory or poor working memory.  One could argue that remediation like Reading Rockets or the like is the way to go, but Quill is a veteran homeschooler and is on the boards enough to know she has options in terms of evaluations and materials.

 

For a kid in the LD world, sometimes you can have an expansive vocabulary and the ability to construct complex ideas verbally, but if you are stuck with what you are confidently spelling, you end up with sentences like, "The boy ran to the dog."  It is incredibly disheartening to see 80% of your page marked in red with words that are misspelled.      The problem as Quill describes it isn't that he doesn't know what he can't spell. It's that he knows that he can't spell. 

[ktgrok]

Right, but if this kid has dyslexic tendencies, as Quill has alluded to in other posts, he may never spell well naturally on his own, especially if he has poor visual memory or poor working memory.  One could argue that remediation like Reading Rockets or the like is the way to go, but Quill is a veteran homeschooler and is on the boards enough to know she has options in terms of evaluations and materials.

 

For a kid in the LD world, sometimes you can have an expansive vocabulary and the ability to construct complex ideas verbally, but if you are stuck with what you are confidently spelling, you end up with sentences like, "The boy ran to the dog."  It is incredibly disheartening to see 80% of your page marked in red with words that are misspelled.      The problem as Quill describes it isn't that he doesn't know what he can't spell. It's that he knows that he can't spell. 

 

Yup. If I didn't have spell check I'd never write anything with more than two syllables. Heck, i just misspelled syllables typing this! Yay for spell check! 

 

Let him use Siri or get an Amazon Echo Dot thing. 

[FaithManor]

Well I could live without spell check because it's evil twin, the devil called Autocorrect makes me nuts!

[Arcadia]

It is a good idea. He has an iPod and is very familiar with using Siri.

Download a dictionary app. It’s easier to check the spelling in public that way versus talking to Siri. I do turn on spell check but turn off autocorrect.

[Janeway]

Sorry you are having a rough time of things right now.

[blondeviolin]

My kids ask Alexa how to spell stuff all of the time. But before they do, they turn it to volume ten. "Obnoxious is spelled O-B...." :mad:

 

I'm sorry, Quill. Some kids just need the hand-holding, I think. My oldest was this way for a while, but I've been working with her and she's getting better. She's also realized if she just figures it out while I'm working with others, she has more time.

 

SWB's lecture on independence is good as well as her one on Burnout AND Homeschooling the Real Child. :grouphug:

Edited October 10, 2017 by blondeviolin

[SparklyUnicorn]

Last two years have been hell, but this year so far I am feeling A LOT better.  I don't know how I got through. 

 

FWIW, my 12 year old isn't all that independent either.  I go out a couple of times a week for a class and leave him with some stuff.  He mostly is motivated to do it because he knows if he doesn't that'll mean a very long afternoon with a late finish.  First few times of that happening he started catching on that he could be done much sooner if he knuckled down to do it. 

 

My 15 (will be 16 in Jan) is FINALLY much much more independent. 

 

 

[foxbridgeacademy]

Yep, I'm so done and my baby is only a freshman.  Luckily both of the kids want to be more independent, unluckily they both suck at it.

[SparklyUnicorn]

Next year I'll be down to one.  That'll be so weird. I'll have to get more hobbies.

 

 

[Barb_]

Yep, I'm so done and my baby is only a freshman. Luckily both of the kids want to be more independent, unluckily they both suck at it.

:lol: made me giggle

[aaplank]

My kids use Siri too! Definitely keeps me from falling off the cliff!

[Pen]

I'm not clear on why you are wanting to wait one to two years for him to go to BMS. ?

[Guest]

I'm not clear on why you are wanting to wait one to two years for him to go to BMS. ?

Numerous reasons. 1) I would like to send him to the same school (private) as my other kids, but I'm in no hurry to pay for three schools. 2) there are skills I still want to help him with before I send him to school where I will just have to help him with those skills at night. 3) no changing schools mid-year unless it's for some crucial reason like if I had a terminal illness or we were on the verge of financial ruin. 4) I hate middle school. 5) We have commitments at co-op that I would not abandon unless I had a terminal illness or something severely desparate happened.

 

That's why.

 

In my own upbringing, I was abruptly pulled out of a tiny private school mid-year in sixth grade and was in public school come Monday morning. This is one thing I have committed to never doing to my children unless some dire reason made it necessary as I said above. It was so bad for me. So, so, so, so, so bad for me. Nope. I would be an unschooler before I would do that, which is really saying something. So no pulling him right this minute and plopping him in school abruptly, no matter how hard a time I'm having with my life right now.

[Guest]

dp

Edited October 11, 2017 by Quill

[katilac]

Right, but if this kid has dyslexic tendencies, as Quill has alluded to in other posts, he may never spell well naturally on his own, especially if he has poor visual memory or poor working memory.   

 

It is incredibly disheartening to see 80% of your page marked in red with words that are misspelled.       

 

 

That's why you tell him you will edit the paper afterwards! It won't be graded until edited. She said that he often does spell the word correctly when she asks him, so that seems reasonable to me.

 

I personally don't see editing marks as disheartening in and of themselves, particularly as I did not get the impression he would misspell 80% of the words. At my high school, rewriting every paper (by hand) was par for the course: even if you only had a few errors, you had to correct them in a neat new copy.  So it was simply something every single person was doing - even if you managed to write a paper completely without errors, there were going to be suggestions and comments added, and you were going to be rewriting that paper. 

 

Yes, I am that old. We wrote all of our papers by hand in high school. 

[Lizzie in Ma]

:grouphug: :grouphug:

[Guest]

That's why you tell him you will edit the paper afterwards! It won't be graded until edited. She said that he often does spell the word correctly when she asks him, so that seems reasonable to me.

 

I personally don't see editing marks as disheartening in and of themselves, particularly as I did not get the impression he would misspell 80% of the words. At my high school, rewriting every paper (by hand) was par for the course: even if you only had a few errors, you had to correct them in a neat new copy. So it was simply something every single person was doing - even if you managed to write a paper completely without errors, there were going to be suggestions and comments added, and you were going to be rewriting that paper.

 

Yes, I am that old. We wrote all of our papers by hand in high school.

Yes, this is generally what I want. I want him to have some experiences that are like what kids do at school. What's really disheartening is not having a clue your writing is so poor and then finding out in 9th grade at B&M school. (Essentially what happened to my older DS.)

 

DS12 has some issues, but it's not that bad. He mostly just habitually and out of ease asks me, rather than attempt to spell it. He frequently gets it right if he thinks about it a second. He just doesn't really want to think about it.

[MEmama]

In my son's rigorous Honors courses, very very few of his spelling mistakes are marked.

 

Writing is a major focus especially in his world studies class, where the freshmen are being prepped now for the teacher's AP course. He is a tough, challenging teacher who takes no bull or slacking (everyone loves him), yet spelling isn't his concern. Same in English. Because the classes are otherwise so demanding, that tells me that imperfect spelling is still the norm at this age and they'd rather work on solidifying other aspects instead of bog the kids down with spelling errors. I'm not defending--it's not my idea of perfect--but I do get it.

 

Just sharing because spelling was a big concern for me too, and it turns out I didn't need to worry.

[Guest]

In my son's rigorous Honors courses, very very few of his spelling mistakes are marked.

 

Writing is a major focus especially in his world studies class, where the freshmen are being prepped now for the teacher's AP course. He is a tough, challenging teacher who takes no bull or slacking (everyone loves him), yet spelling isn't his concern. Same in English. Because the classes are otherwise so demanding, that tells me that imperfect spelling is still the norm at this age and they'd rather work on solidifying other aspects instead of bog the kids down with spelling errors. I'm not defending--it's not my idea of perfect--but I do get it.

 

Just sharing because spelling was a big concern for me too, and it turns out I didn't need to worry.

Thank you for sharing that, but I don't jibe with that. With my older son, I was endlessly ping-ponging between Yes-It-Matters and No-It-Doesn't. I received a lot of conflicting advice and I regret every moment I wasted not attempting to teach him spelling, vocab, handwriting and sentence crafting. I see now that he (older DS) is capable of learning these things, though they aren't automatic for him.

 

I believe DS12 is the same way. I have taken a different approach with him than with older DS and, by coincidence or by design, his difficulties are much less marked than older DS' were at that age. I correct all spelling, punctuation, usage and structure mistakes when they happen. He cannot be permitted to go on thinking it must be fine only to learn how wrong he is when he sits in Mr. Apple's Grade 9 English class. I'm sure some teachers don't care about spelling or usage, but some do and to whatever extent I can help him learn to spell properly, I'm going to try.

[MEmama]

Thank you for sharing that, but I don't jibe with that. With my older son, I was endlessly ping-ponging between Yes-It-Matters and No-It-Doesn't. I received a lot of conflicting advice and I regret every moment I wasted not attempting to teach him spelling, vocab, handwriting and sentence crafting. I see now that he (older DS) is capable of learning these things, though they aren't automatic for him.

 

I believe DS12 is the same way. I have taken a different approach with him than with older DS and, by coincidence or by design, his difficulties are much less marked than older DS' were at that age. I correct all spelling, punctuation, usage and structure mistakes when they happen. He cannot be permitted to go on thinking it must be fine only to learn how wrong he is when he sits in Mr. Apple's Grade 9 English class. I'm sure some teachers don't care about spelling or usage, but some do and to whatever extent I can help him learn to spell properly, I'm going to try.

Oh definitely! I did too, certainly. Spelling was one of my primary concerns and areas of focus.

 

I just find it fascinating how variable in weight our worries can be in BMS. No way am I saying you shouldn't prep him as best you can!

[happypamama]

Just HUGS Quill.  You're very close to the finish line!

[Pen]

Numerous reasons. 1) I would like to send him to the same school (private) as my other kids, but I'm in no hurry to pay for three schools. 2) there are skills I still want to help him with before I send him to school where I will just have to help him with those skills at night. 3) no changing schools mid-year unless it's for some crucial reason like if I had a terminal illness or we were on the verge of financial ruin. 4) I hate middle school. 5) We have commitments at co-op that I would not abandon unless I had a terminal illness or something severely desparate happened.

 

That's why.

 

In my own upbringing, I was abruptly pulled out of a tiny private school mid-year in sixth grade and was in public school come Monday morning. This is one thing I have committed to never doing to my children unless some dire reason made it necessary as I said above. It was so bad for me. So, so, so, so, so bad for me. Nope. I would be an unschooler before I would do that, which is really saying something. So no pulling him right this minute and plopping him in school abruptly, no matter how hard a time I'm having with my life right now.

 

 

Hmmm.  How about focus on the skills you want him to have and include looking words up in a dictionary or other device on his own.

 

Aside from the skilsl issue, almost all your reasons are things that sound either driven by your own childhood demons, or by needs of others than your ds, such as co-op commitment.

 

As to the skills issue: Regardless of whether you work on certain skills now or not, you may still find yourself having to help him in the evenings after he starts BMS. I had a similar concern about putting my ds in school in 7th--decided that he needed some skills shored up first--and then discovered that he needs after school help anyway, plus that in 7th there was an excellent study skills class that seemed to have greatly helped the other kids, but that he missed.

 

I get not wanting to pay an extra tuition.  That could presumably be dealt with by choosing public rather than private school, or even seeing if the private could give a one year tuition exemption for your second child.

 

On some of your other reasons though, make sure you are seeing your son and his needs rather than still being in a state of reaction to your own childhood experiences and feelings.  He might love middle school.  He might have a good experience with a midyear transfer especially if it were handled carefully.  It need not be a "pulling right this minute and plopping" scenario, but rather a more carefully structured transfer with him on board.  Perhaps aiming at a January transfer.  Though what I am seeing at our local school is that fall has a lot of arrivals (and also some departures) as kids come in from homeschool, from private schools that they didn't like as much as they thought they would, or transfers from other public schools, or vice versa.

 

Is he himself preferring his time homeschooling and at the co-op and wanting to continue with that this year and reluctant to go to BMS, or is it you who wants to do co-op?  Regardless, might there be a new term midyear when you could drop the co-op?   

[Guest]

Hmmm. How about focus on the skills you want him to have and include looking words up in a dictionary or other device on his own.

 

Aside from the skilsl issue, almost all your reasons are things that sound either driven by your own childhood demons, or by needs of others than your ds, such as co-op commitment.

 

As to the skills issue: Regardless of whether you work on certain skills now or not, you may still find yourself having to help him in the evenings after he starts BMS. I had a similar concern about putting my ds in school in 7th--decided that he needed some skills shored up first--and then discovered that he needs after school help anyway, plus that in 7th there was an excellent study skills class that seemed to have greatly helped the other kids, but that he missed.

 

I get not wanting to pay an extra tuition. That could presumably be dealt with by choosing public rather than private school, or even seeing if the private could give a one year tuition exemption for your second child.

 

On some of your other reasons though, make sure you are seeing your son and his needs rather than still being in a state of reaction to your own childhood experiences and feelings. He might love middle school. He might have a good experience with a midyear transfer especially if it were handled carefully. It need not be a "pulling right this minute and plopping" scenario, but rather a more carefully structured transfer with him on board. Perhaps aiming at a January transfer. Though what I am seeing at our local school is that fall has a lot of arrivals (and also some departures) as kids come in from homeschool, from private schools that they didn't like as much as they thought they would, or transfers from other public schools, or vice versa.

 

Is he himself preferring his time homeschooling and at the co-op and wanting to continue with that this year and reluctant to go to BMS, or is it you who wants to do co-op? Regardless, might there be a new term midyear when you could drop the co-op?

Well, a couple of things here, and let me say, I appreciate your well-thought out reply, even though it's about to not sound that way.

 

First, today is better in part because I'm changing how I do some things, much like Barb suggested in this thread. Admittedly, it's just less frustrating overall when I am at home and not trying to simultaneously work and homeschool. I may look at ways I can move more of my work to the afternoons so I can do one thing at a time better; I generally just resisit this because it means I am "on" all day. My DS17 also has sports and I try to make those late afternoon/early evening games as well. But anyway...moving some of my work to a better, non-hsing hour could help. I may have to think through some creative solutions there.

 

Second, just because I have my childhood demons does not mean that's an invalid thing to be concerned about. It is hard to be "the new kid," no matter what school you go to, and coming from always-homeschooled it is common to not have a read on the culture. This is present at all schools, but IMO and IME, it is much worse at the public school. My friend was just saying she changed what kinds of snacks she buys because her dd (in public school) is realizing that homemade cookies in a tupperware or Aldi "weird brand" chips are "not cool." On one hand, I have seriously no patience for being sneered at about lunch, but on the other, I don't want my kid to suffer rejection if the solution is so easily remedied. But it really chaps my hide to "have" to buy Doritoes just to fit in.

 

Not switching schools mid-year is pretty much my hill to die on. Least of all from hs to public. I want him to remain blissfully unaware for a little while longer that kids would not think it's cool that he wears the same two green Irish shirts that are his favorites almost continually. Homeschooled kids don't care about this; public school kids do; private school kids all have to wear the uniform anyway.

 

Next year, my older son will have graduated from the private school, so there will not be any sibling discount or exemption, though we will have two kids in college (presumably) by then, so tuition costs give me a coronary. I could possibly be employed there, which would help; it's not a bad idea, but of course, they have to have an opening and would have to choose me for that to work.

 

As far as his preferences, he would happily continue homeschooling forever and he LOVES co-op. It is the highlight of his week and year. This is where his friends are and he has been there since birth. If he were leaving co-op, it would be very hard on him. He does know that B&M school is on the horizon, but it would be a shock to him if that ended midway through this year. Again - hill to die on. I would not do that to him unless there was a dire, compelling and critical reason.

[Pen]

Maybe your own understandings of your reasons will also help you not to be so "sick to death of homeschooling."  And it is good to know that you son is loving it, so that should help make up for some of your own angst.  With your ds himself, not wanting to transition midyear, that to me would be the most persuasive element.

 

To think about for when you do make the change:

 

I don't think it is always hard to move into a school in the middle, nor to be the new kid. I did it 5 or 6 times in my own childhood and had all of terrible and wonderful and medium experiences with it. (2 memorably wonderful, 2 memorably terrible, and however many other times, were medium and not especially memorable.) It depended hugely on the school, teachers, other students, and also myself...and also family circumstances around the change.  

 

Our area is one known for high numbers of homeschoolers, so there is no particular psychological issue about that.  And ds said that kids were asking him about homeschool and saying they wished they could. It was looked at as pretty cool, not weird.  Your area may differ on that.

 

But there are certainly transition issues coming from homeschool, IMO much greater than coming from another BMS school.   ...all of sudden mamma is not there to ask, "how do you spell ________" for example. Assignments have to be done, and names written on them, and turned in!  That Crumpled Paper Was Due Last Week's title totally applies to my ds--though the methods it gave for dealing with problem did not work for him. The whole management part of BMS, has been a much harder learning curve so far than the subject matter itself is.

 

For myself, food issues are a "hill to die on" so to speak.   Ds may be getting things I do not agree with, by purchase, gift, or trade. But I do not send it.  

 

I've been modifying my own views on what is okay and not okay as I learn more about sugar issues. He pretty much always has organic nuts and trail mix available. Lunch itself is generally either a couple of sandwiches or a couple / few slices of pizza, with the best organic ingredients I can manage.  

 

Clothing at my Ds's school is an issue, but in truth, if the most popular boy chose to wear the same green Irish shirt all the time, the other boys likely would want one too, and if most got them, then it could be hard to be odd man out.  

 

There is a degree to which being like the others to fit in helps, but there is also a strong degree to which having one's own style, and proud of it, helps probably even more.

 

 

If your ds is not good at managing that, then a uniform will probably help a lot. And since you already have kids at the uniform school, I guess you will know all about that.

 

IME where there are uniforms,  it can be that  hairstyle and other things (latest cell phone?  ) that can still be different may then take the place of clothing in terms of social norms and feeling a need to fit in and keep up with the Joneses.  

 

 

 

[MEmama]

I just have to say out of fairness to BMS, it's not always like you worry about.

 

DS hasn't encountered a single issue like you describe. No one cares what he wears, no one cares what he eats, it is not strange or suspect that he was homeschooled (and only the cross country runners he's run with in former years know). He does not have issues fitting in, figuring out what teachers expectations are, or any of it.

 

I do still usually sit with him while he does homework in order help keep him focussed, and I'm still heavily involved in what he's studying. He has independent afternoons and days he needs a bit more of a nudge to get it done, but that's par for the course, not a homeschooler issue.

 

Anyway, everyone's experiences and goals are obviously different. I've been pleasantly surprised at how different his high school experience has been for him so far than mine was. I hope the same will be the case for yours when you cross that path.

[Guest]

IME where there are uniforms, it can be that hairstyle and other things (latest cell phone? ) that can still be different may then take the place of clothing in terms of social norms and feeling a need to fit in and keep up with the Joneses.

That is definitely true. My kids never heard the term "shoe game" before private school. In a school where your main clothing is not up for debate, shoes are one place you get to flash money. Also phones and tablets. Still, my two older kids greatly varied in how sensitive they were about whether or not they had the cool shoes/phone/computer. My oldest, a daughter, did become conscious of things like Alex & Ani bracelets and having a Vera Bradley backpack, but she didn't act like her social life would collapse if she didn't get those things right this minute. But my older son was very affected to realize he didn't have "cool" shoes or an iPhone. Maybe people were meaner to him than to dd; I fon't know, but it affected him much more.

 

I don't know whether youngest DS will adapt more readily, like DD, or not as well, like DS. He has been sneered at for not even having a phone, much less an iPhone 7. (This was by his cousin.) He didn't seem to be affected by that much, but I know it's also different if you have to hear that every day in a captive environment, rather than just hearing it at a family event by your cousin who's being a spoiled jerk just then.