WWYD? Friend's kids and food

[SKL]

When I was a kid, my folks didn't do snacks either, but when we got good and hungry, we figured out ways to eat.  Most of our self-foraged snacks were pretty junky.

[SamanthaCarter]

I would just say I also did not do snacks between toddler age and about 10yo. That was when puberty stepped in and took over.

 

People who haven't had kids in that age group may not believe it (I had to see it for myself), but kids' needs do change, a lot, and I feel parents need to go with it - once they figure out what is happening.

I keep telling my oldest ds11 that at some point I'll need to make him a pan of lasagna and one for the rest of us. He thinks I'm crazy. 🤣

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[foxbridgeacademy]

So in your situation I'd find an article about how much food/calories kids their age need daily then say something like "so I read this article the other day and it said an average 10 year old needs XXXX calories and XX amount of that is fat/carbs/protein. Can you believe it?  I never realized that, it's like XX cups of veggies/grains/meat. I'm going to go broke, not really but I'm going to have to up my grocery budget".  Have the article handy where you printed it out to show your DH or someone else who you thought might benefit.  If she sees through it then admit right up front that you thought that she like yourself didn't know that info.

[Katy]

Honestly, if I thought they were malnourished I'd call CPS.  Otherwise I'd keep my mouth shut, give my own kids a snack on the way to the hike and in the car afterwards, or schedule shorter outings so snacks weren't needed.  Seriously, most cultures around the world don't snack and their kids are healthier for it. If a child refuses breakfast it will not harm him to wait until the next meal. I promise that when he's actually hungry he'll eat breakfast.

 

I may be biased because I've noticed most kids with anxiety have huge food issues when their anxiety is acting up, but eat like birds the rest of the time.

[MistyMountain]

I always discuss what we plan on making for lunch with the friend if an outing will occur during lunch time. This way we can either plan on a similar type of lunch with snacks we can share or maybe one can make sandwiches and one can bring snacks or we can just plan on our own packed lunches for our own kids.

 

Ugh. I'm sorry, because I know this leads to all kinds of awkward situations!

 

We have relatives who are big into fitness- one of the parents was a bodybuilder for a time, so when I say big, I mean UBER into fitness. Every morsel of food was accounted for. Their children, of course, were also very active and heavily into sports and working out, and until they moved out of the home, their diet was whatever mom thought best.

 

We were there visiting one summer weekend and lunch time was something that everyone had brought something from home to feed their own families. So people were making plates for their kids of whatever sandwiches/chips/fruit had been brought. There was a lot of food! But this family (who also happened to be the host family) figured they'd just pop in frozen pizza as a treat for their children for lunch. No big deal. Except that when the time came, there was literally ONE standard thin crust pepperoni pizza for a 14, 12 and 9 year old. The 14 and 9 year olds were boys. Dad cut that pizza into slivers and told the kids how many slices they could have and shock of all shock, there was pizza leftover! The leftover pizza was given to other relatives, and later when mom walked past and saw the empty pizza cardboard made a comment about "Wow, they never eat a whole thing at mealtime! Guess I don't get a slice today." :huh:

 

The two oldest have gone off to college since those days and have put on WAY more than the freshman 15, but golly, they sure seem happy. Also, as I think on it, all three have also spent a fair bit of time in the workforce at restaurants. There was a pizza place within biking distance, and I remember the oldest getting a job there at 15, and the other kids all followed suit. I bet a full belly was a huge benefit to that job!

 

I really think those parents thought they were doing things the way they thought best. I can't imagine a conversation that would have really ended well with them, but in retrospect, I'm sure the kids had just enough food that they were not malnourished. They had to have been pretty close to that line, though, given how active they were. I cannot imagine having boys growing up being hungry/hangry all the time. They had to have been!

My kids share a frozen pizza at lunch time and I have some too. That is what their appetite is for lunch but it is not tiny slivers of slices it is two slices or about a quarter of a digiorno pizza. They eat more in quantity at dinner time. None of them have hit the pre puberty growth spurt yet though and I know their appetites will increase.

[Lang Syne Boardie]

Anti snackers, fine, but did you not catch where the kids need more at meals but don't get it? If you're doing farmhouse, groaning table, "the threshers are here" spreads 3x/day, your kid will be fine. He will alternate between gorged and peckish but whatever. But if he gets a sixth of a frozen pizza and some steamed veg for supper, and NO snacks, that kid is hungry.

[TeenagerMom]

We are anti-snackers too.  I always thought my neighbor cooked appallingly small amounts of food for a family of 5 and that their kids must be starving .  Now that I've been through a college level nutrition class as well as have started on my own journey to be healthier, I have realized that my neighbor actually cooks normal serving sizes and our family was overeating, even though we didn't allow snacking when the kids were younger.  Actual serving size amounts are much smaller than what most people think.  She can cook 2-3 steaks for 5 people with sides and they are full.  I should add she is feeding 15 yr old boy, 18 year old girl, and 21 year old.  I have never once heard those teens say they are hungry.    My own child used to basically tell anyone who would listen that she was starving, when she actually ate more than anyone in our household (even with pretty much 2x the portion size for portions).    Thankfully as she has aged, she has come to her own realization that she didn't really need to eat as much as she was.  Now she & I order kids meals or share an order when we go out to eat because 1 plate is more than enough for the both of us.

 

An average kids meal is more than enough calories for almost any person to eat as a meal. 

 

https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation/2013/03/28/unhealthy-kids-meals-restaurants/2019267/

 

 

I do think 8-2 might be a bit of a stretch for young kids to go without eating so in the future, I would mention that it will be a long day and she will want to bring lunch or snacks for them.

 

[eternalsummer]

If the kids look relatively healthy, and are maintaining a normal weight, they are probably getting enough food.

 

I don't know what kind of pizza you're talking about, but I googled supreme frozen pizza and got 270 calories per slice, 8 slices.  So 1/4 of that pizza would be enough for a meal for most younger-medium kids, although maybe on the light side (as lunch often is).

 

Certainly the kid's menu at a place like Applebee's is enough calories for a kid or adult - something like 500-600 calories, minimum.  If I were eating at Applebee's as a kid, though, I'd want to eat twice that because the food is higher in salt and fat and tastiness than the stuff I got at home.  But that doesn't mean I'd *need* twice that.

 

The athlete thing does change calorie needs, and you might bring that up to her obliquely.

 

When you say that the kid chose not to eat breakfast because he wasn't hungry then - this makes me doubt that they are starving.  

[lavender's green]

I've read all the replies to this thread, but didn't quite catch what the mom's reaction is (other than rolling her eyes). Like, does she notice her kids are hangry? Wonder aloud why?

 

I tend to stay out of other parent's business. We have a couple of special issues, so our choices don't always look ideal to an outsider, but it's actually something I've given a lot of thought to, often with a doctor's input, and I'm confident I'm making the right choice for our family. I appreciate it when people mtob and stay out of it, so I do my best to return the favor.

 

If the other parent brings it up, then I might talk about it in a "here's what worked for us" type of way. For example, other mom says "I don't know why DD10-year-old-athlete is getting so grumpy at X time." Then I could say, as a parent whose kids aren't close to puberty yet, "Oh, I remember how rough that age was. My parents just didn't understand how many more calories I suddenly needed, or how my blood sugar was tanking X hours after a meal, and I needed way more protein, fat, water, and iron than I was getting."  Seriously, I remember I was at the height of my puberty growth spurt and my parents were making us share sandwiches when eating out, because a half sandwich was all they needed, and it saved money. They couldn't figure out why I finished the meal feeling even more hungry.

 

It could be just a simple matter of having a different food culture. Or maybe the parents are really clueless about how their caloric needs are different from those of growing children. All my kids, even the baby, can eat my MIL under the table, for example - but at least she understands that her food issues are not other people's. But generally, unless I'm asked or suspect abuse, I stay out of it.

 

The bone broth fast for children mentioned by a previous poster is seriously out of line, though. I'm glad the father stepped in.

 

 

[Katy]

Anti snackers, fine, but did you not catch where the kids need more at meals but don't get it? If you're doing farmhouse, groaning table, "the threshers are here" spreads 3x/day, your kid will be fine. He will alternate between gorged and peckish but whatever. But if he gets a sixth of a frozen pizza and some steamed veg for supper, and NO snacks, that kid is hungry.

 

Do the kids seem malnourished?  Are they bony thin with stunted growth?  Other signs of vitamin deficiency? Then call CPS.  Otherwise they are probably fine.

[heartlikealion]

We are anti-snackers too.  I always thought my neighbor cooked appallingly small amounts of food for a family of 5 and that their kids must be starving .  Now that I've been through a college level nutrition class as well as have started on my own journey to be healthier, I have realized that my neighbor actually cooks normal serving sizes and our family was overeating, even though we didn't allow snacking when the kids were younger.  Actual serving size amounts are much smaller than what most people think.  She can cook 2-3 steaks for 5 people with sides and they are full.  I should add she is feeding 15 yr old boy, 18 year old girl, and 21 year old.  I have never once heard those teens say they are hungry.    My own child used to basically tell anyone who would listen that she was starving, when she actually ate more than anyone in our household (even with pretty much 2x the portion size for portions).    Thankfully as she has aged, she has come to her own realization that she didn't really need to eat as much as she was.  Now she & I order kids meals or share an order when we go out to eat because 1 plate is more than enough for the both of us.

 

An average kids meal is more than enough calories for almost any person to eat as a meal. 

 

https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation/2013/03/28/unhealthy-kids-meals-restaurants/2019267/

 

 

I do think 8-2 might be a bit of a stretch for young kids to go without eating so in the future, I would mention that it will be a long day and she will want to bring lunch or snacks for them.

 

Calories, sure. But feel full after it? That might be a different story. There are 3 strip meals, 4 piece nugget meals, 6 piece nugget meals, etc. I think Wendy's has a 4 piece meal. When I worked at McD's many moons ago we had a Happy Meal and a "Might Kids Meal" which was a little bigger. The Happy Meal had its own size cup. The Might Kids meal went up a size in drink. I think you could get a prepackaged drink instead (milk/choc. milk/juice box). I did eat the MKM myself sometimes, but the Happy Meal would not have been enough.

 

Yesterday ds and I went to a mall. The food court had so many choices for one meat/one side at this Chinese restaurant. I contemplated whether the $3.99 kids meal would have been enough for me. I urged ds to order that but when he specified chicken fried rice (vs. fried rice) they insisted he upgrade to the larger box and we had to pay $5.99 + $1 for the meat he wanted on the side. I sprung for it but it was annoying that they didn't have an inbetween price/option. Meanwhile I got an adult size meal for myself that I split with dd. I would have had more than enough for myself if I ate it alone.

 

I wanted to laugh when the article said the kids meal is the healthiest thing on the menu. I mean, there are usually salads or other things on there that might be as good or better (and of course salad dressing and condiments will play a role there).

[SamanthaCarter]

I vote discuss lunch plans ahead of time but don't bring up caloric needs. Maybe bake a batch of cookies or banana bread and bring the whole thing for after lunch treat.

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[TeenagerMom]

Calories, sure. But feel full after it? That might be a different story. There are 3 strip meals, 4 piece nugget meals, 6 piece nugget meals, etc. I think Wendy's has a 4 piece meal. When I worked at McD's many moons ago we had a Happy Meal and a "Might Kids Meal" which was a little bigger. The Happy Meal had its own size cup. The Might Kids meal went up a size in drink. I think you could get a prepackaged drink instead (milk/choc. milk/juice box). I did eat the MKM myself sometimes, but the Happy Meal would not have been enough.

 

Yesterday ds and I went to a mall. The food court had so many choices for one meat/one side at this Chinese restaurant. I contemplated whether the $3.99 kids meal would have been enough for me. I urged ds to order that but when he specified chicken fried rice (vs. fried rice) they insisted he upgrade to the larger box and we had to pay $5.99 + $1 for the meat he wanted on the side. I sprung for it but it was annoying that they didn't have an inbetween price/option. Meanwhile I got an adult size meal for myself that I split with dd. I would have had more than enough for myself if I ate it alone.

 

I wanted to laugh when the article said the kids meal is the healthiest thing on the menu. I mean, there are usually salads or other things on there that might be as good or better (and of course salad dressing and condiments will play a role there).

 

I don't disagree with you but this family may have more of an attitude of you eat to live, not live to eat.  Eating until you are fully satisfied often leads to over-consumption of calories.  I, personally, see no need to have to order more expensive adult meals so that a 10 year old can eat over 800-1000 calories in one meal so just so someone we are with won't worry that I'm starving my kids.

[StephanieZ]

WWYD?

 

You asked, so here's what *I* would do . . .

 

I would bring lots of food and snacks whenever I was around these folks. I'd yank out a big bag of trail mix and let all the kids have at it. I'd bring piles of granola bars, juice boxes, fruit, cheese sticks. I'd bring several extra sandwiches, cut them all in halves and serve them up buffet style -- take whatever/whoever. 

 

If they were coming over to my place, I'd be sure to have a big platter of cut up fruit/veggies/cheese/dips pretty much 24/7. Huge bowls of trail mix or nuts or whatever. There'd be food there for everyone 24/7.

 

Nobody is hungry around me if I can help it. Our kitchen has an "open pantry" and "open fridge" policy. If you're in my house, you can eat here.

 

I have one girl who comes over about one day/night each week. At her house, they're very controlling about food. At my house . . . she indulges. Has ice cream after lunch. And dinner. And maybe later, too. That's cool. I've got more, and the kids know where the back up freezers are and are welcome to it. When some mutual friends (foolishly) spent a night and day at that family's house . . . they all got so hungry they picked their vehicle clean of snack foods and even left half a day early to go eat, as they were all starving (adults and kids alike!) People are nuts. I don't get it, but I know I can't fix crazy, either. 

 

When my kids go to group outings where they are supposed to bring snacks for themselves, my kids all carry 3-4 times the amount of snacks they need (like 5 granola bars and 4 apples for my 100 lb girl), and they share them with whoever wants some. I go through an awful lot of nut-free (allergy issues in the groups they attend regularly) expensive granola bars, lol, but, well, that's OK with me. Some hungry kid ate it. That's a good thing -- and, frankly, I'm not sure there's *any* better way to spend my money. 

 

(And, nope, not one of my family is overweight.) 

 

Maybe I spend a couple hundred bucks extra each year because we aren't stingy with food . . . I'm thinking pretty much most folks can afford a couple hundred bucks a year . . . to *feed hungry kids*. Yah, the "other" parents who don't do their share are slackers. Not my problem to fix.  . . .

 

But, a kid in front of me who is hungry? That's a problem I can fix. So, I fix it. :)

 

I would not try to talk to the parents. They live with their kids and presumably aren't brain damaged. They know what they're doing. I'd be annoyed with them, like them less, and think they were stupid/mean/silly about food, but I have enough life experience to confidently predict that talking with them would accomplish nothing other than making them annoyed with me and maybe also making them avoid me. 

 

At restaurants with them, I'd order up a couple appetizer platters (and pay for them) to share . . . I'd also lean towards the "big" size of items, ordering too many fries, so I share . . . ordering a bigger pizza than we need . . . to share. 

 

If the parent(s) made a remark or question about me providing food for everyone, I'd just say something along the lines of "I'm a feeder. If anyone is hungry around me, I feed them. So, sue me!" If they're crazy enough to get mad about me offering up food for all takers, then, well, they're just too crazy to be around. There's no way I'm letting a kid go hungry . . . 

 

So, that's what I'd do. I'd feed them. 

Edited September 28, 2017 by StephanieZ

[heartlikealion]

I don't disagree with you but this family may have more of an attitude of you eat to live, not live to eat.  Eating until you are fully satisfied often leads to over-consumption of calories.  I, personally, see no need to have to order more expensive adult meals so that a 10 year old can eat over 800-1000 calories in one meal so just so someone we are with won't worry that I'm starving my kids.

 

Sorry I may not have made myself clear. What I meant was it's easy to rack up calories on things like pizza and fast food meals. I think there's a spectrum between "ate enough calories" and "fully satisfied" and maybe you could fall in the middle or fall in "ate enough according to MyFitnessPal" (lol) and be quite hungry or even just lacking meaningful nutrition to carry on long.

 

If I ate a kids meal and it was 1000 calories, I would only get to eat 200 more for the rest of the day? There's no way even a "live to eat" person wants to do that.

[GoodGrief]

I think it's possible that you have established a pattern of giving the kids snacks, and they get excited by the novelty of your offerings, to the point of whining. The parents may not actually think the kids need food at that time, rightly or wrongly, but don't want to be rude and decline the food you are offering.

 

Personally, unless the kids show other signs of malnourishment, I'd let it go. If you want to offer food, continue to do so. If it's a hardship or annoyance, just bring enough for your kiddos, and leave it for the other parent to sort out how to handle her whining kids.

[StephanieZ]

Maybe a cultural difference, but I would never allow my kids to eat in front of hungry friends without offering the friends some.  That feels cruel.

 

I don't think that's cultural. I think that's good person / bad person. (With you on the good person side of the table!)

 

I'd drop dead before I pulled out food in front of hungry kids, and told them, no, sorry, only enough for my family. Oh my God, I truly cannot imagine much things uglier than that.

 

Nope. Never. No way.

 

And, if I ever heard a person say such a thing, I'd be so disgusted with them that I'd never be friends with them, ever. That'd be that. I'd probably also be completely unable to hide my disgust. I can just see my dropped jaw and bulging eyes. I'd likely also say something along the lines of, "Oh, gosh, that's terrible! Let's ditch this joint and go find a snack bar / quick mart / whatever so we can feed everyone!" and run off to buy a bunch of food. 

[TeenagerMom]

Sorry I may not have made myself clear. What I meant was it's easy to rack up calories on things like pizza and fast food meals. I think there's a spectrum between "ate enough calories" and "fully satisfied" and maybe you could fall in the middle or fall in "ate enough according to MyFitnessPal" (lol) and be quite hungry or even just lacking meaningful nutrition to carry on long.

 

If I ate a kids meal and it was 1000 calories, I would only get to eat 200 more for the rest of the day? There's no way even a "live to eat" person wants to do that.

 

I gotcha now.  Sorry for misunderstanding what you meant.  I agree there is definitely a spectrum and no one wants to eat 1x a day for sure.  I was just referencing the OP when she said the 10 yr old is often encouraged to eat off the children's menu and that I don't think it's unreasonable.  My own kids ate kids menu until they were 12 also and like I said, the teen girl and I both eat it if we can get it away with it.

[heartlikealion]

I gotcha now.  Sorry for misunderstanding what you meant.  I agree there is definitely a spectrum and no one wants to eat 1x a day for sure.  I was just referencing the OP when she said the 10 yr old is often encouraged to eat off the children's menu and that I don't think it's unreasonable.  My own kids ate kids menu until they were 12 also and like I said, the teen girl and I both eat it if we can get it away with it.

 

Some places restrict who can order from the kids' menu. So sometimes it's just not possible. But I hear you. I was fine with a kids' menu meal at age 10, but without knowing this child I guess I can't say if it's reasonable or not for them to eat that serving size. Dd eats me out of house and home and she's 2. She literally ate 3 slices of pizza the other night. Like I made her wait a bit before giving her more but that girl was still wanting to eat. I do realize it can take up to 20 min. to feel full so that could be part of it. Also growth spurts or whatever. But it happens more than I'd expect (not necessarily pizza being the food).

 

My nephew went out with ds and dh one time. He snubbed the children's menu and said he always orders off the adult one. Dh said well with me you're getting the kid's menu. Apparently it was more than enough food Lol

[MEmama]

WWYD?

 

You asked, so here's what *I* would do . . .

 

I would bring lots of food and snacks whenever I was around these folks. I'd yank out a big bag of trail mix and let all the kids have at it. I'd bring piles of granola bars, juice boxes, fruit, cheese sticks. I'd bring several extra sandwiches, cut them all in halves and serve them up buffet style -- take whatever/whoever.

 

If they were coming over to my place, I'd be sure to have a big platter of cut up fruit/veggies/cheese/dips pretty much 24/7. Huge bowls of trail mix or nuts or whatever. There'd be food there for everyone 24/7.

 

Nobody is hungry around me if I can help it. Our kitchen has an "open pantry" and "open fridge" policy. If you're in my house, you can eat here.

 

I have one girl who comes over about one day/night each week. At her house, they're very controlling about food. At my house . . . she indulges. Has ice cream after lunch. And dinner. And maybe later, too. That's cool. I've got more, and the kids know where the back up freezers are and are welcome to it. When some mutual friends (foolishly) spent a night and day at that family's house . . . they all got so hungry they picked their vehicle clean of snack foods and even left half a day early to go eat, as they were all starving (adults and kids alike!) People are nuts. I don't get it, but I know I can't fix crazy, either.

 

When my kids go to group outings where they are supposed to bring snacks for themselves, my kids all carry 3-4 times the amount of snacks they need (like 5 granola bars and 4 apples for my 100 lb girl), and they share them with whoever wants some. I go through an awful lot of nut-free (allergy issues in the groups they attend regularly) expensive granola bars, lol, but, well, that's OK with me. Some hungry kid ate it. That's a good thing -- and, frankly, I'm not sure there's *any* better way to spend my money.

 

(And, nope, not one of my family is overweight.)

 

Maybe I spend a couple hundred bucks extra each year because we aren't stingy with food . . . I'm thinking pretty much most folks can afford a couple hundred bucks a year . . . to *feed hungry kids*. Yah, the "other" parents who don't do their share are slackers. Not my problem to fix. . . .

 

But, a kid in front of me who is hungry? That's a problem I can fix. So, I fix it. :)

 

I would not try to talk to the parents. They live with their kids and presumably aren't brain damaged. They know what they're doing. I'd be annoyed with them, like them less, and think they were stupid/mean/silly about food, but I have enough life experience to confidently predict that talking with them would accomplish nothing other than making them annoyed with me and maybe also making them avoid me.

 

At restaurants with them, I'd order up a couple appetizer platters (and pay for them) to share . . . I'd also lean towards the "big" size of items, ordering too many fries, so I share . . . ordering a bigger pizza than we need . . . to share.

 

If the parent(s) made a remark or question about me providing food for everyone, I'd just say something along the lines of "I'm a feeder. If anyone is hungry around me, I feed them. So, sue me!" If they're crazy enough to get mad about me offering up food for all takers, then, well, they're just too crazy to be around. There's no way I'm letting a kid go hungry . . .

 

So, that's what I'd do. I'd feed them.

This!!!!!!!

[Pen]

I continue to think OP needs more info about the other family and their situation in regards food.  Or else to let it go and, for her own emotional comfort, not do things that span over typical meal times.

 

There could just as easily be a thread by the friend somewhere asking WWYD about a friend who keeps bringing snack foods that she does not think healthy for her kids and plying the children with it so they then do not want to eat their own, perhaps more bland and unexciting actual meals when it is meal time, or perhaps lead to them tending to avoid their own breakfast hoping to get snacks from the friend instead.

 

There is just too little info and and knowledge IMO to come to conclusions.

[TeenagerMom]

WWYD?

 

You asked, so here's what *I* would do . . .

 

I would bring lots of food and snacks whenever I was around these folks. I'd yank out a big bag of trail mix and let all the kids have at it. I'd bring piles of granola bars, juice boxes, fruit, cheese sticks. I'd bring several extra sandwiches, cut them all in halves and serve them up buffet style -- take whatever/whoever. 

 

If they were coming over to my place, I'd be sure to have a big platter of cut up fruit/veggies/cheese/dips pretty much 24/7. Huge bowls of trail mix or nuts or whatever. There'd be food there for everyone 24/7.

 

Nobody is hungry around me if I can help it. Our kitchen has an "open pantry" and "open fridge" policy. If you're in my house, you can eat here.

 

I have one girl who comes over about one day/night each week. At her house, they're very controlling about food. At my house . . . she indulges. Has ice cream after lunch. And dinner. And maybe later, too. That's cool. I've got more, and the kids know where the back up freezers are and are welcome to it. When some mutual friends (foolishly) spent a night and day at that family's house . . . they all got so hungry they picked their vehicle clean of snack foods and even left half a day early to go eat, as they were all starving (adults and kids alike!) People are nuts. I don't get it, but I know I can't fix crazy, either. 

 

When my kids go to group outings where they are supposed to bring snacks for themselves, my kids all carry 3-4 times the amount of snacks they need (like 5 granola bars and 4 apples for my 100 lb girl), and they share them with whoever wants some. I go through an awful lot of nut-free (allergy issues in the groups they attend regularly) expensive granola bars, lol, but, well, that's OK with me. Some hungry kid ate it. That's a good thing -- and, frankly, I'm not sure there's *any* better way to spend my money. 

 

(And, nope, not one of my family is overweight.) 

 

Maybe I spend a couple hundred bucks extra each year because we aren't stingy with food . . . I'm thinking pretty much most folks can afford a couple hundred bucks a year . . . to *feed hungry kids*. Yah, the "other" parents who don't do their share are slackers. Not my problem to fix.  . . .

 

But, a kid in front of me who is hungry? That's a problem I can fix. So, I fix it. :)

 

I would not try to talk to the parents. They live with their kids and presumably aren't brain damaged. They know what they're doing. I'd be annoyed with them, like them less, and think they were stupid/mean/silly about food, but I have enough life experience to confidently predict that talking with them would accomplish nothing other than making them annoyed with me and maybe also making them avoid me. 

 

At restaurants with them, I'd order up a couple appetizer platters (and pay for them) to share . . . I'd also lean towards the "big" size of items, ordering too many fries, so I share . . . ordering a bigger pizza than we need . . . to share. 

 

If the parent(s) made a remark or question about me providing food for everyone, I'd just say something along the lines of "I'm a feeder. If anyone is hungry around me, I feed them. So, sue me!" If they're crazy enough to get mad about me offering up food for all takers, then, well, they're just too crazy to be around. There's no way I'm letting a kid go hungry . . . 

 

So, that's what I'd do. I'd feed them. 

 

You sound like you have a huge heart. Could I caution people about this approach though? There are plenty of children out there who's parents have to lay down food rules, etc in order to control health issues who don't really appreciate having to be an a** and tell their child, no you can't share her fries, fried pickles, fried mozzarella sticks, etc?    My son used to be a seriously picky/sensory eater who would gorge on fried & junk foods if they were offered to him and then refuse to eat anything nutritious later.  Parents often have good reasons for their limits, even if they don't discuss them with other people.  We use to have to police DS's food religiously because of food allergies and horrendous behavioral reactions to food with red or blue dye.  I had a family member who didn't believe DS had those issues and would sneak him stuff/usurp my authority on a regular basis, leaving me to pick up the pieces for days.

 

[Lady Marmalade]

WWYD?

 

You asked, so here's what *I* would do . . .

 

I would bring lots of food and snacks whenever I was around these folks. I'd yank out a big bag of trail mix and let all the kids have at it. I'd bring piles of granola bars, juice boxes, fruit, cheese sticks. I'd bring several extra sandwiches, cut them all in halves and serve them up buffet style -- take whatever/whoever. 

 

If they were coming over to my place, I'd be sure to have a big platter of cut up fruit/veggies/cheese/dips pretty much 24/7. Huge bowls of trail mix or nuts or whatever. There'd be food there for everyone 24/7.

 

Nobody is hungry around me if I can help it. Our kitchen has an "open pantry" and "open fridge" policy. If you're in my house, you can eat here.

 

I have one girl who comes over about one day/night each week. At her house, they're very controlling about food. At my house . . . she indulges. Has ice cream after lunch. And dinner. And maybe later, too. That's cool. I've got more, and the kids know where the back up freezers are and are welcome to it. When some mutual friends (foolishly) spent a night and day at that family's house . . . they all got so hungry they picked their vehicle clean of snack foods and even left half a day early to go eat, as they were all starving (adults and kids alike!) People are nuts. I don't get it, but I know I can't fix crazy, either. 

 

When my kids go to group outings where they are supposed to bring snacks for themselves, my kids all carry 3-4 times the amount of snacks they need (like 5 granola bars and 4 apples for my 100 lb girl), and they share them with whoever wants some. I go through an awful lot of nut-free (allergy issues in the groups they attend regularly) expensive granola bars, lol, but, well, that's OK with me. Some hungry kid ate it. That's a good thing -- and, frankly, I'm not sure there's *any* better way to spend my money. 

 

(And, nope, not one of my family is overweight.) 

 

Maybe I spend a couple hundred bucks extra each year because we aren't stingy with food . . . I'm thinking pretty much most folks can afford a couple hundred bucks a year . . . to *feed hungry kids*. Yah, the "other" parents who don't do their share are slackers. Not my problem to fix.  . . .

 

But, a kid in front of me who is hungry? That's a problem I can fix. So, I fix it. :)

 

I would not try to talk to the parents. They live with their kids and presumably aren't brain damaged. They know what they're doing. I'd be annoyed with them, like them less, and think they were stupid/mean/silly about food, but I have enough life experience to confidently predict that talking with them would accomplish nothing other than making them annoyed with me and maybe also making them avoid me. 

 

At restaurants with them, I'd order up a couple appetizer platters (and pay for them) to share . . . I'd also lean towards the "big" size of items, ordering too many fries, so I share . . . ordering a bigger pizza than we need . . . to share. 

 

If the parent(s) made a remark or question about me providing food for everyone, I'd just say something along the lines of "I'm a feeder. If anyone is hungry around me, I feed them. So, sue me!" If they're crazy enough to get mad about me offering up food for all takers, then, well, they're just too crazy to be around. There's no way I'm letting a kid go hungry . . . 

 

So, that's what I'd do. I'd feed them. 

 

I love this. 

 

I especially love your approach.  Someone posted earlier about how weird it would be to "accidentally have 5 extra sandwiches" along.  And I agree that it would be.  But, if you make a pile of sandwiches and stack them in halves in a large rubbermaid container, it's so less obvious that you're packing extra.

[Lady Marmalade]

You sound like you have a huge heart. Could I caution people about this approach though? There are plenty of children out there who's parents have to lay down food rules, etc in order to control health issues who don't really appreciate having to be an a** and tell their child, no you can't share her fries, fried pickles, fried mozzarella sticks, etc?    My son used to be a seriously picky/sensory eater who would gorge on fried & junk foods if they were offered to him and then refuse to eat anything nutritious later.  Parents often have good reasons for their limits, even if they don't discuss them with other people.  We use to have to police DS's food religiously because of food allergies and horrendous behavioral reactions to food with red or blue dye.  I had a family member who didn't believe DS had those issues and would sneak him stuff/usurp my authority on a regular basis, leaving me to pick up the pieces for days.

 

 

I get what you're saying and I completely understand.  When you have family with serious food allergies, things like this are different in general.

 

BUT, in a situation like the OP is describing, I would expect the other parent to volunteer that kind of information the very first time snacks/food came about.  Like, the very first time the box of granola bars came out I would be all "are there peanuts in there?"  Or "Junior cannot have any corn products, so please don't offer those to my kids, but thanks for thinking of them."   Totally understandable responses.

 

It sounds like there hasn't been any kind of that communication going on.  

[BarbecueMom]

Another issue might be eating with unwashed hands, especially in a field trip/outing with kids type place. I picked up a nasty infection from a popular field trip location, from the stroller handles between the bathroom and our picnic location. Four days in the hospital and after effects I'm still dealing with three years later.

 

I would try to ignore it and get over it if someone handed my kids a snack, but it would stress me out for a few days afterward until I was sure they weren't sick. I purposefully try to plan our outings where the kids can snacks and meals with clean fingers.

[Paige]

Sorry I may not have made myself clear. What I meant was it's easy to rack up calories on things like pizza and fast food meals. I think there's a spectrum between "ate enough calories" and "fully satisfied" and maybe you could fall in the middle or fall in "ate enough according to MyFitnessPal" (lol) and be quite hungry or even just lacking meaningful nutrition to carry on long.

 

If I ate a kids meal and it was 1000 calories, I would only get to eat 200 more for the rest of the day? There's no way even a "live to eat" person wants to do that.

 

I agree that it's not a good choice to eat a 1000 calorie kids' meal and then eat hardly anything the rest of the day. On the other hand, we encourage our kids to make healthy, good choices and let them experience the consequence of bad choices. So if kid A wants to order something that is priced high, is high calorie, and I know it won't be filling, I advise against it. If kid ignores me and is still hungry and done with her food before everyone else is done, I do not order her more. Tough cookies. She made a bad choice, and maybe next time she'll listen and pick something that is more filling off the menu. 

 

When my kids were much younger, they'd drive me crazy by wanting to constantly eat junk snacks when we went out. It got so bad that they no longer wanted to play at the park or pay attention at the zoo because they were obsessed with the snacks they might get. So we quit giving them snacks. They don't need them for an hour or 2 outing anyway. They probably looked pathetic to my friends because they were whining about being hungry but I knew they weren't really. I was always telling my friends that I promise, I feed my kids.

 

I have had to adjust my expectations of food consumption as they aged, however. My kids take after DH's side of the family. They are big eaters. In my family, my brother and I shared a Happy Meal and had leftovers until I was about 8 and my brother was 10. Then he got his own meal and I still never finished mine. We were light eaters and I thought we were normal, so when my kids wanted a whole Happy Meal each at 5 and 6 I was shocked!! Apparently my brother and I were the weird ones.  :D  

 

It's hard to tell from the OPs description whether the kids are just eating for the novelty and because they can or because the parents don't realize their kids need more food. Maybe they want their kids to learn to eat more for breakfast before they go out instead of skipping. Or maybe the parents are oblivious- it's hard to know for sure or give advice. I'd probably keep my mouth shut unless we were really close. 

Edited September 29, 2017 by Paige

[RoundAbout]

OP here. Somehow this has become an anti-snacking thread, which I totally get, but I do not think that's what is going on. There is a specific chain of events where the kids mention food, then ask for when they are going to eat, then directly ask for food, then behavior starts to deteriorate rapidly. The oldest has actually sat out fun activities because she said she was hungry or has run back to the car when there is a picnic waiting because she's so hungry and can't wait. They have had significant (crying and screaming) meltdowns when its 12-1 pm time frame and we've been physically active and haven't eaten anything yet. 

 

I'm certainly not plying them with snacks or tempting them with tasty treats. I would say we probably eat much healthier than them on the whole and what we do bring is pretty plain fare (last time it was trail mix and oranges). I usually go out of my way to NOT bring out food around them and there was at least one activity where I did not buy lunch for us when I normally would have because I was afraid it might cause problems. It already gets a little awkward at restaurants because I encourage my son to order off the adult menu because of quantity/quality of food, but then they do just the opposite. But when we've been hiking all morning and lunch is till an hour away we certainly share what we have and I have gotten into the habit of bringing extra (which I may stop). I plan to bring up a food break of some kind explicitly as part of the plan next time and we will see how it goes!

 

Also love hearing the diversity of opinions on how to handle this situation. 

[catz]

I continue to think OP needs more info about the other family and their situation in regards food. Or else to let it go and, for her own emotional comfort, not do things that span over typical meal times.

 

There could just as easily be a thread by the friend somewhere asking WWYD about a friend who keeps bringing snack foods that she does not think healthy for her kids and plying the children with it so they then do not want to eat their own, perhaps more bland and unexciting actual meals when it is meal time, or perhaps lead to them tending to avoid their own breakfast hoping to get snacks from the friend instead.

 

There is just too little info and and knowledge IMO to come to conclusions.

Agree. In many homeschool circles I have participated in, parents really do not want food shared or their kids offered snacks. Potlucks require full ingredient lists. The mom may be unhappy with the snacks being offered and not sure how to broach the subject either.

 

I think it is ok to do your own thing but be upfront about it. When planning say "my kids will need a snack at 3. We are going to pause at that point. But we will catch up with you at location X if you need to keep moving. If you tell your own kids about expectations then maybe it won't come up so much either.

 

Unless these kids actually seemed unhealthy, I wouldn't worry about how much they are getting to eat.

[Pen]

...The oldest has actually sat out fun activities because she said she was hungry or has run back to the car when there is a picnic waiting because she's so hungry and can't wait. They have had significant (crying and screaming) meltdowns when its 12-1 pm time frame and we've been physically active and haven't eaten anything yet. 

 

I'm certainly not plying them with snacks or tempting them with tasty treats. I would say we probably eat much healthier than them on the whole and what we do bring is pretty plain fare (last time it was trail mix and oranges). I usually go out of my way to NOT bring out food around them and there was at least one activity where I did not buy lunch for us when I normally would have because I was afraid it might cause problems. It already gets a little awkward at restaurants because I encourage my son to order off the adult menu because of quantity/quality of food, but then they do just the opposite. But when we've been hiking all morning and lunch is till an hour away we certainly share what we have and I have gotten into the habit of bringing extra (which I may stop). I plan to bring up a food break of some kind explicitly as part of the plan next time and we will see how it goes!

 

Also love hearing the diversity of opinions on how to handle this situation. 

 

 

Who provided the picnic waiting in car that the oldest dd went back for?  And what foods was it?

 

Can you avoid get togethers that include the 12-1 timeframe?  Maybe even say that the situation is disturbing to you?

 

What sort of things do they eat by way of comparison to your trail mix and oranges?

 

It seems odd to me that you seem so close in terms of so much time spent together and yet don't have enough closeness to talk frankly about food and feelings.

[KungFuPanda]

I don't have enough details to have an opinion. It could be that the mom said "Eat before we leave or wait for lunch." And nobody listened but tried to whine their way into snacks. It could also be that the family is lazy or clueless about food. I don't think four hours is that long to go between decent meals and it's good to be more than a little peckish going into your next meal. Based on the op's observations, they do sound a bit off but I can't imagine what she'd do that would work.

 

I was wondering, though, if there are any kids' meals anymore that aren't really enough food for an adult. I order kids meals ALL the time. They've gotten so big. I'm not sedentary either . . . I'm in dance classes 8 hours a week. Granted, I'm NOT a hungry, growing kid, but kids' meals are the size that adult meals used to be and most people think a serving is MUCH larger than it really is.

[RoundAbout]

Pen, to answer your questions:  

 

1) We have occasionally planned picnics together - I would say we each bring normal food like sandwiches/wraps and fruit. 

 

2) Yes one thing I was thinking of was planning outings after lunch.

 

3) I don't think they eat unhealthy but probably way more cereal, crackers, packaged snacks, bars, sugared yogurt, etc. than we do. DH and I eat on the lower-carb side of things and while thats not enforced with DS, typical snacks for him would be - cheese, nuts, fruit, veg, olives, hardboiled eggs, etc.. My DS thinks pasta is a treat :). I don't think the way they eat is a problem, just pointing out that  I would really be shocked if they thought our food was unhealthy. No food allergies with any of our kids.

 

4) In terms of the relationship, we were close friends about 15 years ago but we both moved and didn't live in the same area again until a year ago. Previously we only saw them once a year, so its a close friendship, but not one where we had to deal with each other regularly as parents. So I'm just trying to be sensitive. 

 

Overall I think the kids are not going hungry, but the food thing definitely has an odd feel about it. It's more a matter of timing and how it impacts our outings. How they handle food with their kids is not how I would do things, but the main problem is that it just makes for some really unpleasant, awkward, and downright embarrassing situations. I'd love to solve it because its really the only issue. Generally delightful and awesome friends on almost every other level. 

[RoundAbout]

I was wondering, though, if there are any kids' meals anymore that aren't really enough food for an adult. I order kids meals ALL the time. They've gotten so big. I'm not sedentary either . . . I'm in dance classes 8 hours a week. Granted, I'm NOT a hungry, growing kid, but kids' meals are the size that adult meals used to be and most people think a serving is MUCH larger than it really is.

 

Total aside about kids meals, but I think it depends on the place. Some will serve a 1/2 cup of Kraft Mac N Cheese and other places do a decent job. I've noticed that on the whole that kids menus don't have nearly the variety, and often don't include side dishes (or only french fries.) I'm sure it also depends on the kid. My friend's daughter is not even 10.5 yet and is already 5ft 4in,  on a running team and being recruited for middle school athletics by coaches, very thin and definitely cleans her plate and asks for more when served a kids meal. 

Edited September 29, 2017 by RoundAbout

[SKL]

OP here. Somehow this has become an anti-snacking thread, which I totally get, but I do not think that's what is going on. There is a specific chain of events where the kids mention food, then ask for when they are going to eat, then directly ask for food, then behavior starts to deteriorate rapidly. The oldest has actually sat out fun activities because she said she was hungry or has run back to the car when there is a picnic waiting because she's so hungry and can't wait. They have had significant (crying and screaming) meltdowns when its 12-1 pm time frame and we've been physically active and haven't eaten anything yet. 

 

I'm certainly not plying them with snacks or tempting them with tasty treats. I would say we probably eat much healthier than them on the whole and what we do bring is pretty plain fare (last time it was trail mix and oranges). I usually go out of my way to NOT bring out food around them and there was at least one activity where I did not buy lunch for us when I normally would have because I was afraid it might cause problems. It already gets a little awkward at restaurants because I encourage my son to order off the adult menu because of quantity/quality of food, but then they do just the opposite. But when we've been hiking all morning and lunch is till an hour away we certainly share what we have and I have gotten into the habit of bringing extra (which I may stop). I plan to bring up a food break of some kind explicitly as part of the plan next time and we will see how it goes!

 

Also love hearing the diversity of opinions on how to handle this situation. 

 

I find that my kids won't nag me like that if I tell them up front how it's going to be.  Since these are not your kids, you could make a general announcement to all the kids:  "OK, so nobody asks or wonders about food, I'm going to tell you right now.  We're going to ___ for 3 hours and then stop at ___ and have a snack.  Then we are going to ___ for 2 more hours and go to ___ for dinner.  There will be no snacks in between, so let's focus on the experience of what we're doing.  Do not ask how long before we eat, because I promise we will not forget that we are carrying this food.  Does everyone have their water bottle?  OK, let's go."

 

Your description of their behavior sounds like what some kids (and adults too) do when they are bored.  Which is annoying, especially when you've planned something they should enjoy.  But (to hear my kids anyway), apparently hiking is not fun for everyone.  :)

[kbutton]

3) I don't think they eat unhealthy but probably way more cereal, crackers, packaged snacks, bars, sugared yogurt, etc. than we do. 

 

Those things don't really stick with you for long when you are being active. 

 

I suspect the parents are clueless. I have a MIL that lives on carbs and hardly anything else. Mealtimes are also erratic. She's not very connected to her own body. She's serves meals 8 and 10 hours apart at her house sometimes--in the summer, she forgets that it's daylight longer, and she won't remember to eat (or cook for company) until it's dark. Then the main meal is a "theme" meal that is all fruit or something. What she thinks will fill up my kids is a joke. I now take my own food. She has tons of food weirdness. 

 

OTOH, I have a kiddo that has always eaten tremendous amounts of food and is a very healthy weight (usually 50th percentile with his height being near the top of the chart). When he was in early elementary school, the counselor talked to me because other parents were complaining that I wasn't feeding him, and their kids were sharing their expensive snacks (that they told my son they didn't want). Well, he was bringing his food home because it was more time-consuming to eat and not as fun.  In many cases, the food was comparable, just packaged differently (fruit from home vs. in a cool little can or cup). Sometimes it was cookies and things that wouldn't have stuck with him because he burns it off so fast. He needed calorie dense but nutritious food, but those foods took more time to chew and eat. On his days off, he would eat non-stop for 2/3 of the day. He got a snack time at school, but he couldn't just eat all AM if he was hungry, and then lunch was too short.

 

My younger kiddo lives on carbs and shuns fats and proteins. He doesn't eat a lot at one time, and his appetite is very, very irregular. He is also hungry and grouchy sometimes.

I frequently appear to others like I don't feed my kids, but it's not true.

[SereneHome]

WWYD?

 

You asked, so here's what *I* would do . . .

 

I would bring lots of food and snacks whenever I was around these folks. I'd yank out a big bag of trail mix and let all the kids have at it. I'd bring piles of granola bars, juice boxes, fruit, cheese sticks. I'd bring several extra sandwiches, cut them all in halves and serve them up buffet style -- take whatever/whoever. 

 

If they were coming over to my place, I'd be sure to have a big platter of cut up fruit/veggies/cheese/dips pretty much 24/7. Huge bowls of trail mix or nuts or whatever. There'd be food there for everyone 24/7.

 

Nobody is hungry around me if I can help it. Our kitchen has an "open pantry" and "open fridge" policy. If you're in my house, you can eat here.

 

I have one girl who comes over about one day/night each week. At her house, they're very controlling about food. At my house . . . she indulges. Has ice cream after lunch. And dinner. And maybe later, too. That's cool. I've got more, and the kids know where the back up freezers are and are welcome to it. When some mutual friends (foolishly) spent a night and day at that family's house . . . they all got so hungry they picked their vehicle clean of snack foods and even left half a day early to go eat, as they were all starving (adults and kids alike!) People are nuts. I don't get it, but I know I can't fix crazy, either. 

 

When my kids go to group outings where they are supposed to bring snacks for themselves, my kids all carry 3-4 times the amount of snacks they need (like 5 granola bars and 4 apples for my 100 lb girl), and they share them with whoever wants some. I go through an awful lot of nut-free (allergy issues in the groups they attend regularly) expensive granola bars, lol, but, well, that's OK with me. Some hungry kid ate it. That's a good thing -- and, frankly, I'm not sure there's *any* better way to spend my money. 

 

(And, nope, not one of my family is overweight.) 

 

Maybe I spend a couple hundred bucks extra each year because we aren't stingy with food . . . I'm thinking pretty much most folks can afford a couple hundred bucks a year . . . to *feed hungry kids*. Yah, the "other" parents who don't do their share are slackers. Not my problem to fix.  . . .

 

But, a kid in front of me who is hungry? That's a problem I can fix. So, I fix it. :)

 

I would not try to talk to the parents. They live with their kids and presumably aren't brain damaged. They know what they're doing. I'd be annoyed with them, like them less, and think they were stupid/mean/silly about food, but I have enough life experience to confidently predict that talking with them would accomplish nothing other than making them annoyed with me and maybe also making them avoid me. 

 

At restaurants with them, I'd order up a couple appetizer platters (and pay for them) to share . . . I'd also lean towards the "big" size of items, ordering too many fries, so I share . . . ordering a bigger pizza than we need . . . to share. 

 

If the parent(s) made a remark or question about me providing food for everyone, I'd just say something along the lines of "I'm a feeder. If anyone is hungry around me, I feed them. So, sue me!" If they're crazy enough to get mad about me offering up food for all takers, then, well, they're just too crazy to be around. There's no way I'm letting a kid go hungry . . . 

 

So, that's what I'd do. I'd feed them. 

 

Ummm...OK,   If I was doing what you describing - buying and bringing and serving that much food for numerous outings for OTHER kids - I would have to double my budget.

 

So, while sounds great in theory, it might not be feasible for many

 

I don't know how to quote from numerous posts, but when you say you would never eat or allow your kids to eat in front of others - again, that's a bit....too much.  Bc not everyone can afford to feed another set of children weekly. 

 

I know all about hospitality and good manners, but with some people there is just never enough. 

 

 

[SereneHome]

OK, some random thoughts for OP....

 

I don't buy the excuse that parents are not big eaters so that makes them think that kids don't need a lot.  I don't eat a lot first half of the day.  I can easily go until 1 pm on just water.  It is VERY obvious that my kids need 2 full meals by then.

 

If my kids like X food - they will eat it when being offered even if they are not terribly hungry.  Especially if it's something that they don't get at home that much.  Chips, granola bars, crackers - we have it, but not often, so they can really go to town at someone's house.

 

For the longest time my kids associated outings with food.  So anytime we left the house, they were hungry immediately.  If they were home, they could go MUCH longer without food.  I realized that their eating while out had nothing to do with actually being hungry.  And even if they were hungry, but really liked activity, they were just fine waiting.

 

I think if you can bring it up tactfully to your friends, I would.  I am a very blunt person and can come off offensive a lot of times, so I sometimes bring it up in a form of a question "hey, what snacks are you packing?  I know everyone gets hungry, so wanted to coordinate".  I would NOT be pointing out that their kids are hungry all the time or making any suggestions. 

 

Good luck!!

 

As much as I love food, I hate all those food "problems". 

 

 

[heartlikealion]

OP here. Somehow this has become an anti-snacking thread, which I totally get, but I do not think that's what is going on. There is a specific chain of events where the kids mention food, then ask for when they are going to eat, then directly ask for food, then behavior starts to deteriorate rapidly. The oldest has actually sat out fun activities because she said she was hungry or has run back to the car when there is a picnic waiting because she's so hungry and can't wait. They have had significant (crying and screaming) meltdowns when its 12-1 pm time frame and we've been physically active and haven't eaten anything yet. 

 

I'm certainly not plying them with snacks or tempting them with tasty treats. I would say we probably eat much healthier than them on the whole and what we do bring is pretty plain fare (last time it was trail mix and oranges). I usually go out of my way to NOT bring out food around them and there was at least one activity where I did not buy lunch for us when I normally would have because I was afraid it might cause problems. It already gets a little awkward at restaurants because I encourage my son to order off the adult menu because of quantity/quality of food, but then they do just the opposite. But when we've been hiking all morning and lunch is till an hour away we certainly share what we have and I have gotten into the habit of bringing extra (which I may stop). I plan to bring up a food break of some kind explicitly as part of the plan next time and we will see how it goes!

 

Also love hearing the diversity of opinions on how to handle this situation. 

 

That would probably be enough for me to want to avoid eating out with them at restaurants. If they clearly want an adult meal (or seem hungry after finishing theirs) I would feel badly about having my kid order an adult meal in front of them. Not saying it's your responsibility to field this but for me it would be quite awkward. Also it could be the variety, which I think you mentioned in another post. Like the kids menu is less appealing to them because of the particular choices?

 

Why not move lunch/activity up earlier? Lots of kids are used to eating at 11am or so I've noticed. Waiting til 1pm to head to the restaurant (not sure I understand if that's right) would be awful for me personally if I got up and ate around 7:30 and had been doing something like hiking. I do believe I'm hypoglycemic, though. These kids could be.

 

 

[MistyMountain]

My 11 year old still eats off the kids menu and it is the portion she eats and it is enough for her. She even has leftovers some times. My friend dd who is a few months younger but is 10 inches taller and shows signs of puberty no longer eats off the kids menu. I think that makes a big difference. I know the kids will eventually need more then a kids meal. We do not go out very often due to the cost so I am not looking forward to that time coming in the near future. Sometimes they even have leftovers but we just recently went to a place that drastically reduced the size of the mac and cheese she likes to get from a big bowl to a little cup so it was not enough. I am glad it at least had an unlimited fruit side and she could have fries too but I wish the main meal was a better portion.

[Tanaqui]

Whether or not you should say something, I probably would say something. And I would've said it a while ago, pretty bluntly. I don't know why, but your description of this situation is pushing all my "say something!" buttons.

[Elizabeth86]

I just wanted to add I think limiting kids food is a bad plan. Dh was restricted things growing up and every chance he got to over eat, he did. He struggles with food and his weight. I think the best a parent can do is be a healthy example and have lots of healthy options. I dont have any problems saying no to my kids asking for snacks before dinner, I just say dinner is almost ready have some...apples, oranges whatever light and healthy. If they are starving they have a healthy food option. I only say no at innappropruate times and offer a healthy option. I was never deprived a thing as a kid and I am ok (unless Im pregnant)

[DawnM]

 

 

The kids are begging to stop even though the parents never stop and never want to spend $$ to eat out? That doesn't make sense. Usually if the kid knows there won't be any eating out, they know not to ask. When we were going through our financial hardship (not really hard, DH had a job, but we didn't eat out or do extras during that time), my kids actually felt bad about spending our $$ and would offer to just wait. Sometimes I would stop and get a dollar menu thing, or stop at a grocery store and pick up a box of granola bars if I forgot to pack or something lasted longer than normal.  

 

In this case, I would (in the future) just call and say, "We are planning to do a picnic lunch, so you guys bring yours too, ok?"

 

Heck, we were going to church with friends for several weeks and they always went out to eat afterwards. We finally got them to start bringing a picnic lunch to the food court at the mall and just getting some fries or something on the side, or they could get food court food and we would bring our own (that was when we were struggling more, but even later, we have done this.)

Edited September 30, 2017 by DawnM

[Zinnia]

Your description of their behavior sounds like what some kids (and adults too) do when they are bored. Which is annoying, especially when you've planned something they should enjoy. But (to hear my kids anyway), apparently hiking is not fun for everyone. :)

I have this child that is....grumpy. It goes through phases, but right now it's especially bad, to the point of his friends calling him Oscar.

 

Once he experiences the tiniest bit of uncomfortableness, he latches on. So, if he experiences a tiny bit of hunger, he latches.on. If people are not meeting that need Johnny on the spot quick, it devolves into a tantrum. Now, I have no doubt he is hungry, and I feed him quickly usually, but this is a personality/character trait that can be difficult to deal with at best. :)

[Carrie12345]

Everyone's already mentioned intentionally planning lunch dates, which is all I can come up with.

 

My only experience has been with the exact opposite - a parent who feeds their kids all. day. long.  And I don't mean snacks. My kids do snack. I literally mean constant food, without any sit-down meals because they were always close to full.  Of course my younger kids wanted to follow suit, and I wound up looking like the freak who starved her kids in comparison.  :001_rolleyes:

[SKL]

I just wanted to add I think limiting kids food is a bad plan. Dh was restricted things growing up and every chance he got to over eat, he did. He struggles with food and his weight. I think the best a parent can do is be a healthy example and have lots of healthy options. I dont have any problems saying no to my kids asking for snacks before dinner, I just say dinner is almost ready have some...apples, oranges whatever light and healthy. If they are starving they have a healthy food option. I only say no at innappropruate times and offer a healthy option. I was never deprived a thing as a kid and I am ok (unless Im pregnant)

 

Depends on the child.  If you've had a kid with no shutoff valve, getting chubbier by the day, you'll understand.  Everyone is different.  What works great for one person will outright harm another.

 

My two kids were exact opposites when they were tots.  One would eat nonstop forever if allowed, the other would eat an ounce at a time.  Feeding them together was a creative endeavor.  No, I didn't say "you can't eat any more," but I limited portions of some things while offering unlimited fruits and veggies.  Eventually the overeater developed a sense of "I am satisfied now," but it took years.

 

Other folks in a similar situation believed the "you shouldn't limit a child's food" and now their kids are struggling with obesity on top of the eating issues.  Obesity comes with a long list of other problems which I'm sure I don't have to list.  So no, I do not regret taking the other path with my voracious tot.

[Elizabeth86]

Depends on the child. If you've had a kid with no shutoff valve, getting chubbier by the day, you'll understand. Everyone is different. What works great for one person will outright harm another.

 

My two kids were exact opposites when they were tots. One would eat nonstop forever if allowed, the other would eat an ounce at a time. Feeding them together was a creative endeavor. No, I didn't say "you can't eat any more," but I limited portions of some things while offering unlimited fruits and veggies. Eventually the overeater developed a sense of "I am satisfied now," but it took years.

 

Other folks in a similar situation believed the "you shouldn't limit a child's food" and now their kids are struggling with obesity on top of the eating issues. Obesity comes with a long list of other problems which I'm sure I don't have to list. So no, I do not regret taking the other path with my voracious tot.

Well I guess there is a right and wrong way to do it, but I promise you dhs parents didnt do it the right way.

[SKL]

Well I guess there is a right and wrong way to do it, but I promise you dhs parents didnt do it the right way.

 

Sorry if I sounded cool.  It's a bit of a button for me because at the time, I had people accusing me of starving my kid, having an eating disorder and projecting it onto my kids, etc.  I mean it got ugly.  :p  My kid has grown up healthy and bright, a little tall for her age, and in my unbiased opinion, beautiful.  :p  Now it's the other kid who has the food issues.  :p  PS I should mention they are both adopted from different foster homes, and that is the likely reason for some of these issues.

 

Edited September 29, 2017 by SKL

[Elizabeth86]

Sorry if I sounded cool. It's a bit of a button for me because at the time, I had people accusing me of starving my kid, having an eating disorder and projecting it onto my kids, etc. I mean it got ugly. :p My kid has grown up healthy and bright, a little tall for her age, and in my unbiased opinion, beautiful. :p Now it's the other kid who has the food issues. :p PS I should mention they are both adopted from different foster homes, and that is the likely reason for some of these issues.

 

Its fine. Im sure you were cooking healthy meals for him daily too. Dhs parents werent. It was a fend for yourself household and what young boy is going to choose to or know how to make himself a healthy meal with no example to follow and then be limited to the junk the other members if the family could have. His dad also took his sister out to eat and not him.

 

So when the rest of the family had soda and he couldnt and his mom kept hidden treats for her only it becomes a big issue.

 

And dont get me started as to why he was a big eater in the first place! He had a lot of sickness as a kid and his dad pushed food as a way to make him well again. Fat and healthy. He was praised for eating until he did get fat. Also, my inlaws always comment on my kids not eating, so I know they were a clean your plate type.

Edited September 29, 2017 by Elizabeth86

[SamanthaCarter]

On a lighter note: https://scontent-iad3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/fr/cp0/e15/q65/22007958_10155313143424934_3455911327551404636_n.jpg?efg=eyJpIjoidCJ9&oh=c72102c6262a8dd89fb97db314aa36f4&oe=5A7F45C2

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Edited September 29, 2017 by SamanthaCarter

[StephanieZ]

Ummm...OK,   If I was doing what you describing - buying and bringing and serving that much food for numerous outings for OTHER kids - I would have to double my budget.

 

So, while sounds great in theory, it might not be feasible for many

 

I don't know how to quote from numerous posts, but when you say you would never eat or allow your kids to eat in front of others - again, that's a bit....too much.  Bc not everyone can afford to feed another set of children weekly. 

 

I know all about hospitality and good manners, but with some people there is just never enough. 

 

That's cool that you wouldn't want to do what I would do. I was answering what *I* would do. To each her own.

 

I've lived this way about food my entire life, including the years we were raising babies while living off student loans and dh's part time job during vet school. And dh was sleeping 4 hr/day to maximize work hours . . . And I still lived this way when we were new business owners, a million dollars in debt, broke as shit, and I was feeding our family of 5 (plus friends/etc) using coupons and $100 cash per week. It is certainly easier to do now that we aren't broke, but it was always just a given in my world. If people are hungry, and I have (or can get) food, I feed them. Period. 

 

If I'd had a 4th kid, we'd have always fed it. And clothed and educated and medicated . . . I often think of "spare kids" as the "extra" kids we never had. It all works out. 

 

To me, being generous about food is a foundational value that I'd sacrifice a lot to achieve. I'd rather go to a free park and bring snacks for everyone than meet at fee-based place and not be able to share. It's just a priority for me. 

[Lang Syne Boardie]

That's cool that you wouldn't want to do what I would do. I was answering what *I* would do. To each her own.

 

I've lived this way about food my entire life, including the years we were raising babies while living off student loans and dh's part time job during vet school. And dh was sleeping 4 hr/day to maximize work hours . . . And I still lived this way when we were new business owners, a million dollars in debt, broke as shit, and I was feeding our family of 5 (plus friends/etc) using coupons and $100 cash per week. It is certainly easier to do now that we aren't broke, but it was always just a given in my world. If people are hungry, and I have (or can get) food, I feed them. Period.

 

If I'd had a 4th kid, we'd have always fed it. And clothed and educated and medicated . . . I often think of "spare kids" as the "extra" kids we never had. It all works out.

 

To me, being generous about food is a foundational value that I'd sacrifice a lot to achieve. I'd rather go to a free park and bring snacks for everyone than meet at fee-based place and not be able to share. It's just a priority for me.

I think you are misunderstanding. The poster you quoted, and I and a million others, WOULD want to feed the world. We've done it when possible, sacrificed to do it, never miss a canned food drive.

 

But we CAN'T do it as a regular thing, without some member of our family skipping a few meals to cover it.

 

If we are surprised by a hungry child in front of us, *in that moment* we will hand over our own meal, or the last bit of food in the cupboard, and figure it out later (even if it means begging our neighbors or our church).

 

If it's a regular thing that our friends, family, neighbors, acquaintances are not adequately feeding their children, our help will look like resource finding. Listening, understanding, and connecting to solutions. Because we don't have Star Trek food replicators or the grocery money to act like we do.

 

For anyone reading - that is STILL helping. That is STILL changing lives. If you can't afford to feed the world, give thanks that you can still feed your own kids. THEN marshal your wits and mobilize your skills to care about hungry children in your community - which you can do without wealth.

 

Know where the food banks are.

Know who the school resource people are.

Find out if the child's school has a backsack program.

Make sure the family knows how to apply for free lunch.

If they homeschool, have the courage to talk about options, food stamps, WIC.

Raise awareness in your church, to get some resources diverted to hunger.

Volunteer at Gleaners, soup kitchens, homeless shelters, Second Harvest.

Vote for people who will not cut programs that feed elderly, disabled, and children.

 

It's wonderful when the wealthy of our society may travel about with igloo coolers full of food for children. But those of us cooking dollar store dried beans and rice for our own kids, and thankful to have it, can get involved, too!

 

I do think that not eating in front of hungry people is something that is important, especially for poor people who have some food insecurity of our own. I mean, if you've ever been hungry, you are going to split that candy bar if a hungry adult is watching you eat it. If it's a child, you're going to give him the candy bar, and then you're going to ask his mother why he's hungry.