My dss16

[Scarlett]

I can't agree. A la post 102 among others, its not a good idea to persuade a teen to think they just ate too much and didn't move enough. That leads to cutting calories and nutrients that are needed for growth spurts and daily living, and it doesn't detail what move enough means.

 

I had to comment on this again. A teen who is 100 pounds overweight CAN be told he needs to eat less and move more without telling him to cut calories and nutrition. Why do you think eating less means cutting nutrition. We aren't stupid and neither is he.

[MrsMommy]

I have tried very hard not to comment here, but I have to be honest...the way you talk about being overweight makes it seem to me like you view it as a moral failing. Like if he was just being good enough/trying hard enough, the weight would just fall off. But there are many circumstances which make being overweight a medical issue, beyond eating less/moving more. And no matter how much he does those two things, if he has a medical issue, the weight just isn't going to come off the way you hope it will. So I think staying open-minded about potential causes would be beneficial. Because even if he has lost some weight in the past, it doesn't mean that there aren't other underlying causes for his weight gain, or his inability to lose it as quickly as you think he should. And even if that isn't how you actually feel, the fact that you're coming across that way here means that he may be taking it that way as well, and if he's feeling like he's morally insufficient, it's going to mess with him, and make losing weight even more difficult for him.

[Scarlett]

I have tried very hard not to comment here, but I have to be honest...the way you talk about being overweight makes it seem to me like you view it as a moral failing. Like if he was just being good enough/trying hard enough, the weight would just fall off. But there are many circumstances which make being overweight a medical issue, beyond eating less/moving more. And no matter how much he does those two things, if he has a medical issue, the weight just isn't going to come off the way you hope it will. So I think staying open-minded about potential causes would be beneficial. Because even if he has lost some weight in the past, it doesn't mean that there aren't other underlying causes for his weight gain, or his inability to lose it as quickly as you think he should. And even if that isn't how you actually feel, the fact that you're coming across that way here means that he may be taking it that way as well, and if he's feeling like he's morally insufficient, it's going to mess with him, and make losing weight even more difficult for him.

 

Moral failing? No. I don't feel that way.

 

What I do feel is he should try less in more out ( of nutritious, healthy food) before we all jump to the conclusion that he has some underlying medical issue that makes it impossible for him to lose weight.

[Janeway]

He probably does not know what he should be doing. There is a good set of books called "Eat This, Not That" and it has made a real difference for my son. He has grown a couple inches taller and lost 15 pounds over the last couple years. 

[Scarlett]

He probably does not know what he should be doing. There is a good set of books called "Eat This, Not That" and it has made a real difference for my son. He has grown a couple inches taller and lost 15 pounds over the last couple years.

He knows what he should be doing. He has had a lot of education and support.

[Scarlett]

Does he have a Fitbit or something similar? I know a lot of boys are wired to be competitive so something like that may help him. He could join an online community of other guys (there's probably a Fitbit app with that, I'm not sure) and could sinc? his Fitbit (or whatever he has) to the app or community group. I don't know specifics but I know I've heard of that type of thing. Anyway, something like that would be a tangible thing that he could say, 'hey, I did 11000 steps today and burned xxx calories!' and the friendly 'competition' of doing it with a group like him may boost his motivation.

I showed him how to download a step counter yesterday. He has no interest in joining a community?

[Scarlett]

I probably wouldn't either until I got to a certain number of steps. He may change his mind and join one when he meets a personal goal.

Maybe.

[Reefgazer]

You hit the nail on the head with this one; most teens can lose weight if they watch portion size and calories in/calories out.  The late night eating and large portions are what kept me really fat for years, and watching that resulted in easy weight loss. 

Again, he has been helped and educated and he knows what kinds of foods he should be eating and how much he should be moving. Do you really think the only thing we have said is 'eat less move more?' We have actual real conversations with him about nutrition and how to eat healthily. I have seen him eat much too much of real foods for dinner and then go back for late night snack of ice cream or whatever he can find. He has been given all the encouragement and help we are capable of giving.

In the end he needs to eat less and move more. I know that is an unpopular idea but in my experience with this kid, when he eats less and moves more he loses weight.

 

[Reefgazer]

I agree with you on this; the most obvious solution for an overweight teen is less in/move more and not go chasing other excuses without cause.  It really is on him now.

Smh. If he had not been able to lose weght when he changed his diet then someone would have been saying that is proof of insulin resistance.

Can we agree that he has just been eating too much for years and not moving for years and if he corrects those two issues he is very likely to lose weight. I am not saying that it will be an easy thing psychologically. But he can do it. And we are giving him all the encouragement, medical help, and other help we are capable of.

 

[Guest]

He knows what he should be doing. He has had a lot of education and support.

Sorry for the late reply.

 

 

He is sixteen. He is not an adult, and is not ready to walk the trail alone. If he was, he would be doing so. He needs his parents or a mentor at this time for support, education and guidance as he fledges. Perhaps instead of waiting a year until he gains 50 pounds, whoever is walking the trail with him could step closer and be more involved at the ten pound mark, or weekly.

 

Again, its not a moral failing on his part. He is learning a lifetime skill and habit. One thing my ped was firm about is not giving the opportunity to fail ... don't have ice cream on hand to grab for ex. Obviously you would do what works for your family for success as you nurture these dc to adulthood. Its not an easy path in today's society.

[eternalsummer]

I am not significantly overweight (135 at 5' 3"), not have I ever been, but I know that for me, if I have ice cream or cookies or something else tasty in the house, the kids and I will eat it until it is gone instead of eating healthier foods.  Furthermore, if there are 3000 calories worth of cookies in the house, I will eat all of them in a day given the opportunity, where if we just have apples and peanut butter, I'm not eating 3000 calories worth of apples and peanut butter.

 

My best advice, therefore, is to not buy any junk food or keep it in the house.  No one in your house needs it.  If you have one kid who needs more calories than the other kid, he can eat more apples and peanut butter and it will still be healthier for him than eating ice cream.  Don't keep anything fun to eat in the house.  No white bread, no crackers, no snack food other than unpopped popcorn (and an air popper), no dried fruit, no sweetened milk, no desserts (no ice cream, no sweetened yogurt, etc.)  

 

You are right that he needs to eat less and move more.  Eating less is hard when there is a buffet of delicious food available.  It is easier to refuse another bowl of broccoli than to refuse a bowl of ice cream - a lot easier.  As this is a very important health issue for your son, you must be willing to sacrifice for a while (it is only 2 years!) in order to help him.

Edited September 3, 2017 by eternalsummer

[City Mouse]

It sounds like you have gaven him all the tools and supports you can.

 

End the end, even though he is only 16, it is up to him to make the decision and work on it.

 

I say this as a person who was quite overweight for much of her adult life. I always knew what I needed to do to lose weight, but until I had real motivation to lose weight I was not successful (think 20 years of being overweight in a large extended family of very overweight adults). For me when I was only losing weight to look better, that would only last for 10 pounds. The potential of possible future medical problems was not enough of a motivation either. Only when I got to a point that there was something that I wanted to do that I could not do because of my weight was I motivated enough to lose 70 pounds.

 

I think it is sometimes very hard for people who do not come from a family culture of obesity to understand that there is so much more to the issue than simply diet and excersize.

 

I do think it is great that you are willing to make family wide changes to help him such as excersizing together and not having tempting foods in the house. My DH "supports" me in my wieght loss, but if I don't buy the junk food that he wants (and I don't) he will go and buy chocolate and ice cream to keep at home anyway.

[Scarlett]

Sorry for the late reply.

 

 

He is sixteen. He is not an adult, and is not ready to walk the trail alone. If he was, he would be doing so. He needs his parents or a mentor at this time for support, education and guidance as he fledges. Perhaps instead of waiting a year until he gains 50 pounds, whoever is walking the trail with him could step closer and be more involved at the ten pound mark, or weekly.

 

Again, its not a moral failing on his part. He is learning a lifetime skill and habit. One thing my ped was firm about is not giving the opportunity to fail ... don't have ice cream on hand to grab for ex. Obviously you would do what works for your family for success as you nurture these dc to adulthood. Its not an easy path in today's society.

We have not left him to do it alone. Not sure where you got that idea. We have done many many things to help him. He has only been living with us for a year. Before that we had to fight to be able to take him to the doctor even.

[Scarlett]

I am not significantly overweight (135 at 5' 3"), not have I ever been, but I know that for me, if I have ice cream or cookies or something else tasty in the house, the kids and I will eat it until it is gone instead of eating healthier foods. Furthermore, if there are 3000 calories worth of cookies in the house, I will eat all of them in a day given the opportunity, where if we just have apples and peanut butter, I'm not eating 3000 calories worth of apples and peanut butter.

 

My best advice, therefore, is to not buy any junk food or keep it in the house. No one in your house needs it. If you have one kid who needs more calories than the other kid, he can eat more apples and peanut butter and it will still be healthier for him than eating ice cream. Don't keep anything fun to eat in the house. No white bread, no crackers, no snack food other than unpopped popcorn (and an air popper), no dried fruit, no sweetened milk, no desserts (no ice cream, no sweetened yogurt, etc.)

 

You are right that he needs to eat less and move more. Eating less is hard when there is a buffet of delicious food available. It is easier to refuse another bowl of broccoli than to refuse a bowl of ice cream - a lot easier. As this is a very important health issue for your son, you must be willing to sacrifice for a while (it is only 2 years!) in order to help him.

We don't have much in the way of junk. My son is important too and I am not going to go so radical as to say no ice cream in the house.

[regentrude]

. My DH "supports" me in my wieght loss, but if I don't buy the junk food that he wants (and I don't) he will go and buy chocolate and ice cream to keep at home anyway.

 

But that's his prerogative, isn't it? He is not force feeding you the ice cream. 

There are some foods I love and crave, but cannot eat. That does not mean my family is not allowed to eat them. As an adult, it's up to me not to eat them, even if I want to. I realize it is different when we talk about a child who may not have the cognitive ability to understand why he should not eat certain things, or the impulse control to restrain himself. But grownups?

Edited September 3, 2017 by regentrude

[Scarlett]

It sounds like you have gaven him all the tools and supports you can.

 

End the end, even though he is only 16, it is up to him to make the decision and work on it.

 

I say this as a person who was quite overweight for much of her adult life. I always knew what I needed to do to lose weight, but until I had real motivation to lose weight I was not successful (think 20 years of being overweight in a large extended family of very overweight adults). For me when I was only losing weight to look better, that would only last for 10 pounds. The potential of possible future medical problems was not enough of a motivation either. Only when I got to a point that there was something that I wanted to do that I could not do because of my weight was I motivated enough to lose 70 pounds.

 

I think it is sometimes very hard for people who do not come from a family culture of obesity to understand that there is so much more to the issue than simply diet and excersize.

 

I do think it is great that you are willing to make family wide changes to help him such as excersizing together and not having tempting foods in the house. My DH "supports" me in my wieght loss, but if I don't buy the junk food that he wants (and I don't) he will go and buy chocolate and ice cream to keep at home anyway.

Exactly. He can eat junk for free at vo tech or buy it on his own or when at his moms.

[historically accurate]

Since he likes to cook, would a new cookbook make eating healthy more palatable? Rocco Dispirito or something like that or possibly a cookbook that overhauls all of his favorites, ie: healthy pizza. Challenge him to make a new recipe from it weekly. An alternative to the weekly challenge is have him focus on his worst meal to start. If late night snacking is his beast-to-slay, have his find some delicious dinner recipes that will take him til morning.  

 

[eternalsummer]

It's not no ice cream, it's don't keep ice cream at home.  If you want your son to eat ice cream, take him out and buy him some, or bring home a pint to share among the family after dinner once a week.

 

Once he moves out (DSS) it will be much easier for him to just not have tempting foods in the house, but while he is living with you I'd make an effort.

[eternalsummer]

I mean look, obviously your DSS, and other fat people, *should* just eat less and move more.  The problem isn't that they don't know they should eat less and move more.  The problem is that for whatever reason, genetics or brain chemistry or metabolic imbalances or childhood habits, they *haven't* done so to this point and likely (by the statistics) won't.

 

You can say that it is a lack of willpower, and this is true, but I don't know that most thin people necessarily have more willpower - I think most of them just don't want to eat as badly, and enjoy exercise more (or have more exercise demanded of them by virtue of their job or living situation).  I think it probably takes an abnormal amount of willpower to resist eating and force exercise, and I say this because the majority of overweight people don't do it, and the majority of thinner people don't do it.

 

So you're trying to help him do something that is pretty hard for him (judging by the amount of it he hasn't done to this point) and is also necessary to avoid early death. Why make it harder than it has to be?  If he were struggling with alcohol addiction and had just started on the path to sobriety would you all have wine with dinner every night and keep beer in the fridge?

[ebrindam]

Exactly. He can eat junk for free at vo tech or buy it on his own or when at his moms.

 

OR he can choose to eat the junk food you buy for your own son (nothing says love like junk food and high cholesterol!) and make his own food choices. At the end of the day, your SS needs to decide on his own if he wants to be healthy and lose weight or not.

[ebrindam]

I mean look, obviously your DSS, and other fat people, *should* just eat less and move more.  The problem isn't that they don't know they should eat less and move more.  The problem is that for whatever reason, genetics or brain chemistry or metabolic imbalances or childhood habits, they *haven't* done so to this point and likely (by the statistics) won't.

 

You can say that it is a lack of willpower, and this is true, but I don't know that most thin people necessarily have more willpower - I think most of them just don't want to eat as badly, and enjoy exercise more (or have more exercise demanded of them by virtue of their job or living situation).  I think it probably takes an abnormal amount of willpower to resist eating and force exercise, and I say this because the majority of overweight people don't do it, and the majority of thinner people don't do it.

 

So you're trying to help him do something that is pretty hard for him (judging by the amount of it he hasn't done to this point) and is also necessary to avoid early death. Why make it harder than it has to be?  If he were struggling with alcohol addiction and had just started on the path to sobriety would you all have wine with dinner every night and keep beer in the fridge?

 

After reading this entire thread, I think that if her own son wanted it, yes she would. 

[Frances]

We don't have much in the way of junk. My son is important too and I am not going to go so radical as to say no ice cream in the house.

I don't think it's too radical not to have any sweets or junk available in the house given the severity of your step son's health problems. Not having ice cream in the freezer makes it pretty easy to not have a bowl before bed and increases the likelihood that he will find healthy alternatives when he is hungry. I'm sure your other son has many opportunities outside of the home to eat ice cream and other treats.

 

One of my friends with a young autistic daughter is using a special diet as part of treatment. All of the family abides by it at home as it is very healthy, but her other child certainly has lots of opportunities outside of home to eat other things. Her husband is actually now at a healthy weight thanks to the new diet.

[TechWife]

It does include Fitness is defined, teens do respond to goals when they can see the path to get there. Also, I can't blame a child in the home. The adult is the coach and the adult is responsible for providing education, instruction, and real food.

Many teens don't give a flip about goals and ar content with their life as is. When teens (and others) do have goals, they are most successful at meeting them when they are goals that they have set themselves.

 

A teenager is certainly responsible for what he puts in his mouth. Scarlet has said repeatedly that they have been educating him and providing healthy foods. She is not and cannot be responsible for every single bite a sixteen year old puts in his mouth. By all accounts, he is interested in being healthier overall and is taking an active role in this process. Let's give him a chance. While we are at it, let's give Scarlet a chance, too.

[TechWife]

Sorry for the late reply.

 

 

He is sixteen. He is not an adult, and is not ready to walk the trail alone. If he was, he would be doing so. He needs his parents or a mentor at this time for support, education and guidance as he fledges. Perhaps instead of waiting a year until he gains 50 pounds, whoever is walking the trail with him could step closer and be more involved at the ten pound mark, or weekly.

 

Again, its not a moral failing on his part. He is learning a lifetime skill and habit. One thing my ped was firm about is not giving the opportunity to fail ... don't have ice cream on hand to grab for ex. Obviously you would do what works for your family for success as you nurture these dc to adulthood. Its not an easy path in today's society.

I believe that Scarlett's dss has come to live in their home on a permanent basis relatively recently, and he does visit his mother, this summer for an extended period of time. Again, Scarlett has said repeatedly that they are providing education and support. While he is, indeed, not yet ready to walk the trail alone, Scarlet, her husband and doctor are right there with him, as evidenced in her comments. It does seem that not all of his adult family members are on board and there is nothing Scarlett can do about that.

 

IIRC correctly, this teen is not the only child in the home. There is no good solution to having treats on hand when that is the case. I have a difficult time removing access to treats because one child because another can't have them. We all have to strike a balance somewhere. None of us are perfect parents. For anyone who says that foods aren't treats, well, I can't relate to that at all, because ice cream is just yummy. In fact, an ideal scenario would be one where Scarlett's dss can have that 1 cup of ice cream once a week and it will be enough. He isn't there yet and has a ways to go before he can do that, but he can get there and that is what it's all about!

[regentrude]

 Perhaps instead of waiting a year until he gains 50 pounds, whoever is walking the trail with him could step closer and be more involved at the ten pound mark, or weekly.

 

The bolded is unfair to Scarlett. She has posted about her step son's weight struggles already year ago when he had just come to live with her and weighed 268 lbs.

http://forums.welltrainedmind.com/topic/622204-two-teen-boys/

Edited September 3, 2017 by regentrude

[Scarlett]

After reading this entire thread, I think that if her own son wanted it, yes she would.

Wow. Totally unfair to me. Here is the difference. Food is required to keep living. Alcohol is not.

[fairfarmhand]

So how do you make it "fair" without causing resentment between step brothers? The fact that they're step brothers makes this complicated.

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[ebrindam]

Wow. Totally unfair to me. Here is the difference. Food is required to keep living. Alcohol is not.

 

LOL. Ice cream and "junk food" are not really good for anyone - and certainly not required to keep living.

[Scarlett]

LOL. Ice cream and "junk food" are not really good for anyone - and certainly not required to keep living.

True. But it is easier to say no alcohol in the house vs no sweets In the house,

[Scarlett]

So how do you make it "fair" without causing resentment between step brothers? The fact that they're step brothers makes this complicated.

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Here is what I think. I provide every possible thing for dss to succeed. I don't restrict my ds to protect Dss.

[ebrindam]

True. But it is easier to say no alcohol in the house vs no sweets In the house,

 

It's really not. It's a health issue. Your priorities are clear though. 

[TechWife]

So how do you make it "fair" without causing resentment between step brothers? The fact that they're step brothers makes this complicated.

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Fair doesn't mean treating everyone the same. Fair means meeting the needs and some of the wants of each child. Fair means you respect each child as an individual who is an important part of your family. Fair means doing the best you can with what you've got.

 

No matter how any situation is handled where one sibling can have A, but second sibling can't, the potential for resentment exists.

 

For example, I'll just use ice cream because it's yummy!

Person A cannot have ice cream due to health issues.

Person B enjoys ice cream and has no health issues with it.

 

Ice cream is not allowed in the house, and person B resents person A.

Ice cream is allowed in the house and person A resents person B.

 

Parents have to work through similar scenarios all the time. I'm confident hat Scarlett and her DH will work to build relationships so that their entire childhood memory doesn't center on who got ice cream and when they got it.

[teachermom2834]

Seeking...

 

Seems really out of line to bring issues you are aware of, that Scarlett has not shared here, into the discussion.

Edited September 4, 2017 by teachermom2834

[unsinkable]

It's really not. It's a health issue. Your priorities are clear though.

Just cut it out.

 

Your posts are over the line.

 

Scarlett cares about her sonS, all of them, and she is trying to find her way through this situation in order to HELP her son with the weight issue.

[Valley Girl]

Seekinghim45...I'm not going to quote you here, but I think that if Scarlett wanted to share that private information here, she would have, ya know? Either she didn't feel it was relevant... thought it was too private... wanted help with just one aspect of the situation... or something else entirely. In any case, it was her right to share or not share. I'm sure you didn't mean any harm, but revealing other people's information gleaned from other sources really isn't cool.

 

 

 

ETA: I hadn't posted in the thread earlier, but I'm reading it closely as I have a similar situation brewing. Scarlett, good luck. It sounds like you're trying to be very proactive and supportive. It's not easy to strike a balance between competing wants and needs.

Edited September 4, 2017 by Reluctant Homeschooler

[Mimm]

We don't have much in the way of junk. My son is important too and I am not going to go so radical as to say no ice cream in the house.

 

But... why not? No one NEEDS ice cream. If you want your son to have an occasional treat, you guys could go out for ice cream alone every so often. I wouldn't say not having ice cream in the house is a radical lifestyle choice. 

[Annie G]

Seekinghim, that was not yours to share.  Please consider deleting it. 

[barnwife]

Just cut it out.

 

Your posts are over the line.

 

Scarlett cares about her sonS, all of them, and she is trying to find her way through this situation in order to HELP her son with the weight issue.

 

I am getting the same vibe the poster you quoted is. Getting rid of junk in the house seems like a logical next step. I think that poster presented her thoughts in not a very diplomatic way though.

 

I do agree with you that Scarlett cares about all her sons. However my aforementioned logical next step wouldn't really deprive anyone. I am quite sure they could find access to treats outside the house.

 

I am wondering, if the situation of the boys was reversed, would Scarlett be so against getting rid of treats in the house?

 

This seems cut and dried to me. I can't wrap my around Scarlett's current position. Perhaps the details I don't know (alluded to by another poster) would help, but that's Scarlett's decision whether or not to share here.

 

In the end, I hope that Scarlett and family can work together through what seems to be a difficult situation.

[historically accurate]

But... why not? No one NEEDS ice cream. If you want your son to have an occasional treat, you guys could go out for ice cream alone every so often. I wouldn't say not having ice cream in the house is a radical lifestyle choice. 

 

That's where we are. I am about 100 pounds overweight and working hard on it; due to some medical issues and my screwed up metabolism, I cannot have ANY sweets and still lose weight. Now, granted I am an adult, but I've banned any yummies that I cannot have. I figure that this helps the kids regulate so maybe they won't inherit my problems. DH, who is a normal weight, takes the kids to Culver's for custard without me (and eats any treats he wants at work). For celebrations, we go to a restaurant where people can get dessert so it doesn't sit in my house for the week after. 

 

Oh, we do have semi-sweet chocolate chips in the house (they don't tempt me), and the kids pop a handful of those as "dessert" every so often. 

 

Scarlett, I realize your sons are step-brothers which comes with its own issues, but would it be possible to get your ds's buy-in in helping his brother? Maybe you could give him an "junk-food allowance" where he could go to the local ice cream parlor weekly or buy junk food at school or something. We all went gluten-free for a trial for my middle dd recently. My oldest hated most of the food, but she ate it and didn't complain in front of her sister since we talked to her beforehand. DH took her out for breakfast weekly for cinnamon rolls (she wasn't old enough to drive herself yet). 

Edited September 4, 2017 by beckyjo

[Monica_in_Switzerland]

But... why not? No one NEEDS ice cream. If you want your son to have an occasional treat, you guys could go out for ice cream alone every so often. I wouldn't say not having ice cream in the house is a radical lifestyle choice. 

 

But there are many things that we don't NEED, but we provide because having some indulgences is part of the fun of being alive.

 

If one child had a screen addiction, should others in the household have to write out all their schoolwork by hand instead of typing at a laptop?

 

If one child had a gambling addiction, should no one get pocket money so that it's "fair"?

 

If one child is unable to moderate his own bedtime, should a strict lights-out policy be enforced for all members of the house?  

 

We could go on and on.  Once-size-fits-all policies don't work for older kids.  

 

At 16, this "child" is a fledgling adult.  He will be surrounded for his entire life by people who seemingly eat what they want, when they want, and stay slim.  That's life.  

 

When my oldest son had to stop gluten, we had a gluten-free policy for the house.  That is, no gluten entered the house, but siblings (and parents) could choose freely from menus or a snack when out and about.  After a year of this, I talked for DS and gradually brought gluten back into the house for those of us that can eat it.  I make sure to have plenty of gluten-free items around as well.  We switched back to a mixed gluten/gluten free house when he was about 7.  It was fine.  It continues to be fine.

 

If Scarlett was picking up fast food every night for everyone except DSS, and just throwing some salad at him, that would be one thing.  But that is not what is happening!  

 

Hugs to you Scarlett.  There is a lot of support including some teen posters over at the reddit keto forum, and many very honest before and after pictures that might inspire your DSS.  

[Heatherwith4]

Seeking - not cool at all. You need to delete asap.

[unsinkable]

I am getting the same vibe the poster you quoted is. Getting rid of junk in the house seems like a logical next step. I think that poster presented her thoughts in not a very diplomatic way though.

 

I do agree with you that Scarlett cares about all her sons. However my aforementioned logical next step wouldn't really deprive anyone. I am quite sure they could find access to treats outside the house.

 

I am wondering, if the situation of the boys was reversed, would Scarlett be so against getting rid of treats in the house?

 

This seems cut and dried to me. I can't wrap my around Scarlett's current position. Perhaps the details I don't know (alluded to by another poster) would help, but that's Scarlett's decision whether or not to share here.

 

In the end, I hope that Scarlett and family can work together through what seems to be a difficult situation.

You (general you) can disagree with Scarlett without implying the stuff the other poster is implying.

 

If you (general you) can't wrap your brain around it, you (general) can ask for clarification instead of all the nasty implications.

[unsinkable]

Y

I

 

You should delete this post. It is not appropriate for you to share.

[Mimm]

But there are many things that we don't NEED, but we provide because having some indulgences is part of the fun of being alive.

 

If one child had a screen addiction, should others in the household have to write out all their schoolwork by hand instead of typing at a laptop?

 

If one child had a gambling addiction, should no one get pocket money so that it's "fair"?

 

If one child is unable to moderate his own bedtime, should a strict lights-out policy be enforced for all members of the house?  

 

We could go on and on.  Once-size-fits-all policies don't work for older kids.  

 

At 16, this "child" is a fledgling adult.  He will be surrounded for his entire life by people who seemingly eat what they want, when they want, and stay slim.  That's life.  

 

When my oldest son had to stop gluten, we had a gluten-free policy for the house.  That is, no gluten entered the house, but siblings (and parents) could choose freely from menus or a snack when out and about.  After a year of this, I talked for DS and gradually brought gluten back into the house for those of us that can eat it.  I make sure to have plenty of gluten-free items around as well.  We switched back to a mixed gluten/gluten free house when he was about 7.  It was fine.  It continues to be fine.

 

If Scarlett was picking up fast food every night for everyone except DSS, and just throwing some salad at him, that would be one thing.  But that is not what is happening!  

 

Hugs to you Scarlett.  There is a lot of support including some teen posters over at the reddit keto forum, and many very honest before and after pictures that might inspire your DSS.  

 

I just said that Scarlett's son could have ice cream out of the house. And you yourself provided an example of going gluten free for an entire year, which I consider much more radical than no ice cream or junk food. Isn't that a "one-size-fits-all policy"? In my very short post, I pointed out that Scarlett's son could still have treats outside of the house. So I'm really unclear on what your point is or what in my post you're arguing with.

[regentrude]

Slightly OT question, but I am wondering about this dichotomy:

Whenever there are threads about weight loss, some posters are very adamant that obesity is not an issue of will power, that calorie restriction is not the answer, and that they eat very little and still don't lose weight because their body chemistry is messed up.

OTOH, in this thread, several posters state that overweight people do not have the mental ability to regulate their eating (and go so far as to compare it with alcoholism), and that they lack the willpower to refrain from consuming unsuitable quantities of available foods.

So which is it; does it depend on the individual?

[Mimm]

And yes, I'm aware that Scarlett's step son could still get junk food out of the house. It just seems like if someone is serious about helping someone eat healthy, stocking only healthy food in their home is a no brainer. Saying that someone else in the home should be able to eat junk food seems rather dismissive of the needs of the person who is in the more desperate situation. After all, if junk food is available outside of the house, then the healthier person has access to it outside the home as well. Why is his desire to have access to it in the home so very important?

 

ETA: I am not trying to jump on Scarlett or imply that she doesn't care about her step son like some of the posters seem to be implying. Just trying to make that clear since I'm jumping into this thread at the same time as some rather unpleasant posts. I haven't read the whole thread so forgive me if Scarlett has explained why having ice cream in the house is somehow necessary. Maybe Scarlett's son's pediatrician has him on a strict ice cream diet or something. ;)

Edited September 4, 2017 by Mimm

[kiana]

Slightly OT question, but I am wondering about this dichotomy:

Whenever there are threads about weight loss, some posters are very adamant that obesity is not an issue of will power, that calorie restriction is not the answer, and that they eat very little and still don't lose weight because their body chemistry is messed up.

OTOH, in this thread, several posters state that overweight people do not have the mental ability to regulate their eating (and go so far as to compare it with alcoholism), and that they lack the willpower to refrain from consuming unsuitable quantities of available foods.

So which is it; does it depend on the individual?

 

Commenting on my personal experience: I lack the willpower to refrain from consuming unsuitable quantities of available foods. I used to keep those foods around, and I used to be obese, and I used to be continually disgusted at myself as I reached for another cookie, yet unable to really stop myself. The only way that I've been able to maintain a normal weight range is to keep certain specific foods out of the house. It doesn't help that PCOS/IR made me more susceptible to blood sugar spikes/drops as well. 

 

I will say that after I broke the habits, there are many foods I've been able to re-integrate into my kitchen which I had originally banned due to continual overindulgence (cold cereal, bread and jam, peanuts, popcorn, pasta), although I don't see myself ever able to have a cookie jar of cookies or a large bag of potato chips or regular soda around. But maybe. My self-discipline is improving, but I had to first break the habits.

[Monica_in_Switzerland]

I just said that Scarlett's son could have ice cream out of the house. And you yourself provided an example of going gluten free for an entire year, which I consider much more radical than no ice cream or junk food. Isn't that a "one-size-fits-all policy"? In my very short post, I pointed out that Scarlett's son could still have treats outside of the house. So I'm really unclear on what your point is or what in my post you're arguing with.

I guess I didn't connect the dots as clearly as I thought I had. My son was not quite SIX when he was dx'd with celiac. By age seven, he was ready to live in an integrated world so to speak. Isolating a 6yo is extremely easy and may serve some point. During our gf year, my other kids were 4 and 1.5. They had no particular opinions on their food choices.

 

My post clearly says one size fits all does NOT work for older kids. Scarlett's kids are 16! As long as the family meals Scarlett is cooking are appropriate to all members, I think it's ok for there to be a mix of food options in the house for everyone.

 

Important to remember that this kid DID successfully lose weight at Scarlett's house before. He regained it while away. To me this is a pretty good sign that Scarlett has healthy, age appropriate food policies in place.

[Lanny]

I will tell you about 3 people I personally know. One is my Stepson...

 

A childhood friend, we have been friends since we were 12 or 13 years old, was extremely obese when he was young. He called himself "Fats".  Not good.  I think he was approximately 35 years old when he took off 100 pounds. He did it with a combination of diet and exercise. He said it was very hard, but he has kept most of it off. 

 

My Stepson, when he was the age of your Stepson, thought what our ENT told him was crap, about Reflux, etc.  He ignored her.  He has paid for that, as the years went on.  Then, he put on a lot of weight. Well, thank God, an M.D. scared the hell out of him. He pays much more attention to his diet now and goes to a gym, frequently.

 

Years ago, when we had much more income, and lived where we lived before, my wife and I went to a gym run by a famous Trainer (to Professional Soccer clubs).  There was an extremely obese woman in our class. They were EXTREMELY careful with what they had her doing and they watched her like a hawk. I remember her walking slowly.

 

We are fortunate (we live in Colombia) and a lot of the people working in gyms here have a B.A. in Phys Ed or something like that.  Your Stepson needs to be    EXTREMELY CAREFUL that he does not overdo it with exercise and have a heart attack, since he has high blood pressure, etc.  

 

He needs to be under supervision when he is exercising.

 

My childhood friend is a Swimmer and I ride my bicycle, but I am not overweight. Both are excellent ways to exercise.

 

Much good luck to your  stepson in improving his health!    It will, literally, save his life.  Encourage him when you can.

 

ETA: My Stepson has Gout now. That can be very painful at times and I think he is controlling that mostly with diet but also with some pills.

 

 

Edited September 4, 2017 by Lanny

[Scarlett]

Would someone please pm me and let me know what Seeking shared about me.