Need help with Christmas idea for parents - Warning Suicide Mentioned

[aggieamy]

My youngest sister committed suicide six weeks ago. She was 29 and left behind a husband and two young kids. My parents are (obviously!) really struggling with it. I am too. We are all. 

 

I'm starting to work on Christmas presents that I make. Every year I've given my dad a calendar with pictures of my kids on it. He loves it and claims that it's his favorite present. This year I was thinking about doing the calendar with pictures of my sister.

 

I just don't know though. Would that be too much? Would it make them sad to look at it everyday?

 

My other idea is to do a nice framed memory board with pictures of her that my parents could hang in their house and then I could just make the calendar as usual with my kids pictures. 

 

 

 

[Onceuponatime]

I don't have any thoughts about the Christmas presents. I just want to tell you how sorry I am for your loss. What a tough thing to go through, for everyone.

Edited August 6, 2017 by Onceuponatime

[happi duck]

Sorry for your lost.

 

I would do the calendar in the usual way and a different gift featuring photos of your sister. Personally, I'd do a small album that could be put away or left out as needed. If having something on the wall is difficult then taking it down can be guilt inducing.

 

Many (hugs)

[zoobie]

I'm so sorry for your loss.

 

I would do the calendar as usual and a separate memory gift. Unless you include the whole family in the pictures normally. If you'll be able to see her kids on a regular basis, making sure you take pics of them to include for the next calendar would be thoughtful and probably thrill him to see all of his grandkids.

[Rachel]

I'm so sorry for your loss!

 

I would love the calendar if it were me but I can see how it would be too much for some people.

[Selkie]

Oh, I am so sorry!  :grouphug:

 

 

[Debbi in Texas]

I am so sorry for the loss of your sister. I would do the normal calendar, but maybe ask them if they would like one of your sister.

[MommyLiberty5013]

I'd do a family calendar dedicating your sister's birth month to her photo. Then do the rest of the calendar with everybody.

 

Then I'd do a memory item for your parents. There's a guy in Cincinnati, Ohio who paints portraits from photos. He is amazing. We have done a one year watercolor portrait for each of our children to go in our bedroom. His name is Mike Theuer. His website is www.miketheuer.com

 

I am sorry about your loss.

[JudoMom]

I am so sorry.

I'd do the calendar as usual, and then do a separate photo book.  

[Baseball mom]

I am sorry for your loss

 

I would do the family calendar and then a scrapbook of photo book of your sister. Then maybe give it at Christmas or quietly before or after Christmas, depending on how your parents are doing.

[gardenmom5]

you have my deepest condolences.

my father committed suicide the father's day I turned 12.

 

I would do your regular calendar - and do a memory board they can hang where they choose.

[Catwoman]

I'm so sorry to hear about your sister. :crying:

 

I agree with everyone who has said to do your calendar as usual and then a separate memory book/photo album dedicated to your sister. I'm not sure I would do a wall hanging because it might actually make your parents feel worse than they already do because every time they walked past it they might relive the experience of getting the news that she had died, but that's such a personal thing and people handle grief differently, so you might want to ask them whether they would prefer a wall hanging or a scrapbook.

[Catwoman]

you have my deepest condolences.

my father committed suicide the father's day I turned 12.

 

I would do your regular calendar - and do a memory board they can hang where they choose.

That's so awful. :( I'm so sorry, Kristen. :grouphug:

[footballmom]

I am so sorry.  When my SIL died unexpectedly, that first Christmas was really really hard.  I would do my calendar as usual and take cues from your parents closer to the holiday to decide what you may want to give them to honor her.  

[aggieamy]

I'd do a family calendar dedicating your sister's birth month to her photo. Then do the rest of the calendar with everybody.

 

Then I'd do a memory item for your parents. There's a guy in Cincinnati, Ohio who paints portraits from photos. He is amazing. We have done a one year watercolor portrait for each of our children to go in our bedroom. His name is Mike Theuer. His website is www.miketheuer.com

 

I am sorry about your loss.

 

This is great. I love it and it's pretty reasonable. I think I'll do a regular calendar for my dad and then do something like this for my parents and give it to them before Christmas. I don't think I'd want them to unwrap it under the tree, you know.

 

you have my deepest condolences.

my father committed suicide the father's day I turned 12.

 

I would do your regular calendar - and do a memory board they can hang where they choose.

 

Oh my goodness. I am so so sorry. 

[fraidycat]

Sorry for your lost.

 

I would do the calendar in the usual way and a different gift featuring photos of your sister. Personally, I'd do a small album that could be put away or left out as needed. If having something on the wall is difficult then taking it down can be guilt inducing.

 

Many (hugs)

:iagree:

 

:grouphug: :grouphug:

 

I'm so sorry for your loss.

[Starr]

So much heartache. In my world I look at pictures of my brother but am often brought to tears. I would also do the kids calendar. A family album with pictures of your sister and others would bring back lovely memories.   :grouphug:

[TravelingChris]

I would do the calendar the regular way and do a family album with pictures of your sister along with other family members.  I agree that having a daily reminder like a calendar or a wall hanging could really be too much.  An album they can take out and look through when they want to and see her in happier times and pictures of happier times of all your family members could be very nice.

 

 

Also, I think talking about her death as a result of illness  (which I assume it is) helps with the guilt feelings.  No one ever feels like they should have somehow saved a cancer patient (like they were responsible) but unfortunately, family members of people with major depression or bipolar disease who commit suicide often feel they could have 'done something'. The fatality rates for those diseases are quite high- 30% in bipolar and something similar in major depression.  I also know that current treatments, at least in major depression, do not help about 33% to 40% of the patients so it isn't even that the person often didn't try medications, they just don't work that well. 

 

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

[KarenNC]

I agree with calendar of your kids and a small photo album of your sister, perhaps given at a time other than Christmas. 

 

My condolences. We lost a good friend we'd known for over 25 years to suicide last week. It's doubly hard knowing the devastation survivor guilt is and will be wreaking on her husband.

[Guest]

I am so very sorry. I like the idea of the usual calendar with a dedication on her birth month. That is so tough.

[umsami]

I'm so sorry for your loss.  Depression and suicide are just so impossibly hard. 

 

I think you got a lot of great ideas regarding the calendar and a separate memory book.  One thing I would also try and do is ask people who knew your sister to write memories for her kids....and you write your silly stories you remember of growing up.  Make a memory book for them of all the silly, wonderful photos and stories of their Mom for Christmas.   No doubt it will be something they cherish forever.

[Rosie_0801]

I'm sorry.  :grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

 

 

I'd also give something that doesn't suggest an expectation that it'll be displayed. I don't keep pictures of my kids anywhere I can't avoid looking.

[Lizzie in Ma]

I'm so deeply sorry for your loss.  I think the calendar is still a nice idea.  Yes, it may be bittersweet, but gone is not forgotten. :grouphug: :grouphug:

[LinRTX]

We just lost my son about 10 weeks ago. He was 31. Looking at pictures of him at this age is hard, but my brother in law made us cups with his picture on them -- pictures of his childhood. I can set them out when I can look at them and put them away when it is too hard. I think a calendar would be too hard. I use my calendar every day so I could not put it away. I'm praying this will be easier in time both for your family and for ours.

 

Losing a child is hard, regardless of their age or the circumstances. Hugs to your family. I am so sorry.

Edited August 8, 2017 by Linda in TX

[J-rap]

Wow, I am so, so very sorry.

 

I think it depends on your parents.  If it were me, it would be too early to look at pictures of my child on a calendar.  I would not want that.  

 

After a family event here, I received a memory book (not with pictures though), where various people in the person's life wrote a tribute or memory of that person.  They were all very sweet, positive, and sometimes even funny.  That was something I could handle.

 

I just had another idea, although it would be more costly.  Is there a special cloth or part of a blanket or something of your sister's that could be made into a quilt for your parents?  

 

 

[Angie in VA]

:grouphug:  I'm so sorry for your loss. 

 

Agreeing w/ those who said your normal calendar gift and a separate memorial gift. And I would be prepared for one or both parents' not being ready to display it just yet. 

[Annie G]

For years I have done a calendar for my parents, usually with photos of them having fun with various family members the previous year. It's a good way for them to look back. Almost five years ago my mom passed away suddenly. It was in October and I wasn't sure what to do about the calendar so I asked Dad. He wanted one with just pics of Mom.  So I did that, and after the year ended he hung the calendar by his bed and still changes it every month. He's not looking at the dates- just the photos. After that I went back to doing the usual one with pics of him having fun with us. It might be time for me to ask if he wants another with just Mom. 

If dh passed suddenly I don't know whether I would want that or not.  I tend to think not right away. 

 

All that to say...maybe ask them.  Because while I love the idea of a special page on your sister's birth month, everyone is different and it might not be what your parents want. 

 

I'm so sorry for your loss.  :grouphug:

[dirty ethel rackham]

I am so sorry for your loss.

 

I agree with the others about doing the usual calendar and some other memento about your sister.

 

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[frogger]

I'm so very sorry.

 

 

The separate photo book might easier on them honestly or the watercolor idea. That will allow them to choose how visible something is.

 

I also really like the idea of writing down memories for her children. My husband lost his father at 5 and he soaks up stories about his dad but doesn't get much.

[StaceyinLA]

I am so very sorry for your loss.