Facebook/Social Media....does it breed discontent/unrealistic views of life?

[Ottakee]

I was messaging with a friend today (ok, so we WERE using a social media thing) about how too much time on FB and other social media can really breed discontent and an unrealistic view of life.

 

People post their vacation moments, trophies of their kids, etc..........but never the mountain of laundry, squabbles with the kids, etc.  We just see the happy, perfect, whitewashed moments of life------or at least that is the way with most of our friends.

I think there IS a good reason not to post that other stuff online as it is always out there and years later it could come back to haunt you (or your kids) and I don't want others necessarily knowing all of the private struggles of our family.  Yet on the flip side, how often are we real with people and show them that we really do have struggles?

[MysteryJen]

I think it does, yes. And I do think it is incredibly damaging for young people who may not have the ability to understand that the perfection shown is curated or made up or only occurs very occasionally.

I do think that people in general (not just young people) get more discontented with their "regular" life the more they see only the perfect or best parts of others.

 

In my own personal life, the more that people use social media platforms for keeping in touch with friends, the less able they become to really be honest with friends in person. And friendship quickly moves from a true intimacy to a superficial acquaintance. 

[teachermom2834]

Oh definitely. I post a lot of my own mishaps (only my kids' with permission or if very mild) and say "keeping it real".

 

I have someone I love who who posts the most picture perfect life online. To the point that she has been contacted about adoption of unplanned babies just because her Internet life is so very perfect and ideal. I cringe because I know her posts make people feel inadequate when i know her life is very far from the picture.

 

One of the kids even mentioned how they only go outside long enough to stage pictures of nature study or crafts or whatever.

 

So, yes, definitely social media breeds insecurity and discontent. I remind my teenagers not everyone is always on a cruise or at a party or something fantastic. But it sure seems like it.

[regentrude]

No, I think this view gives people too little credit. Everybody knows that there are laundry and squabbles and moments so mundane they seem not worth sharing. People still interact with people in real life. In my circle, this interaction is enhanced by our ability to keep in touch via social media, not reduced.

Edited July 6, 2017 by regentrude

[regentrude]

In my own personal life, the more that people use social media platforms for keeping in touch with friends, the less able they become to really be honest with friends in person. And friendship quickly moves from a true intimacy to a superficial acquaintance. 

 

My personal experience is actualy the opposite.

 

[Lang Syne Boardie]

I'm on a social media break right now due to tech woes - these forums are the only social thing I can read without eye strain on this device - so I've been wondering about social media, too.

 

But I've reached a different conclusion, or same conclusion but the other end of the stick: I don't think SM makes us look better than we are. I think it makes us look worse. I have never encountered so much racism, sexism, bigotry, ignorance, vanity, and shallow thinking IRL. If I thought everybody was really like an amalgam of a FB or Twitter newsfeed (even a carefully curated one), I would probably become a hermit.

 

But I don't really believe it. I know the mommy bloggers and religious zealots on SM are fakes. I choose to also believe that the insane amount of trolling is also fake. It's got to be, or we are doomed.

 

Edited to add: I agree with regentrude that I don't see any negatives in real relationships from sharing on FB, etc. My IRL friends and relatives are still the same people online, at least as far as what they share with me.

Edited July 6, 2017 by Tibbie Dunbar

[Bluegoat]

​I have heard people complain that it makes then feel that way, and I doubt they are fibbing.

 

I think that with some younger people, they may tend to actually believe what they see, and they actually believe that it is normal - some really live that way.

 

Older people generally know better, but I think it can still have that effect.  For example, people who watch a lot of certain kinds of tv, where they are exposed to more aspirational lifestyles, will often feel more discontent with what they have, even though they know that these are not the norm or even fake.

 

It's rather like commercials - they can affect you even when you know they are just trying to sell you something.

 

In fact, I think the fact that the effect is in the background, rather than something you consciously embrace, can make it harder to get away from.

[PeterPan]

Sorry, but nobody logs onto FB to see your "real life" LOL. If you're doing that, maybe people are hitting unfollow so your posts don't show in their feed. 

 

The people I find really irritating, with their constant bragging of trips, how awesome their kids are, etc., are that way in real life.

 

FB has some nice uses, like Messenger, getting crafting or cooking feeds, but I'm about sick of it for social feeds. I unfollow people when they bug me with their bragging. It doesn't matter if you really did just take ANOTHER great trip that I didn't. Reality is, I don't want to hear about it.

[regentrude]

I guess it depends on how you use it. From what I've seen, many people are also part of smaller, private FB groups, where they can more real or honest or whatever. So you'll get pics of cute kids swimming in your pool,cute pets or colorful flowerbeds on the main page, and then you complain and commiserate or celebrate with your closer friends privately.

 

This. In my private mom's fb group, we talk about all the problems any of us have: abusive spouses, teens with mental illness, unemployment, dysfunctional families - anything we'd talk about IRL if we lived closer. We have been together as an online group since 1996 and have formed close friendships, even though most of us have never seen most others IRL.

 

It is all about how you use it. 

[Tangerine]

Because I'm cavalier and sarcastic, I mostly post mishaps and self-critique and unflattering pictures. Honestly I just find it more entertaining than people sending anniversary public love missives to their spouse, who I assume is in the same room with them or

will be home shortly and could just be told in person.

 

There have been several articles written about "Pinterest stress" and the like, where people feel inadequate in comparison to the curated highlight reels of other people's lives.

 

The constant bombardment, if you're choosing to engage in social media with that frequency, can probably cause an unconscious bias. I think the social parts of our brains, and the tendency toward confirmation bias, naturally lend themselves to being influenced that way.

[regentrude]

FB has some nice uses, like Messenger, getting crafting or cooking feeds, but I'm about sick of it for social feeds. I unfollow people when they bug me with their bragging. It doesn't matter if you really did just take ANOTHER great trip that I didn't. Reality is, I don't want to hear about it.

 

I love seeing pictures my friends post from their trips. I do want to hear what everybody is up to.

[Carrie12345]

I think that is the reality of some people's experiences.  I don't feel like it's mine.

 

I have some wonderfully successful and happy friends on Facebook.  Most of them also post about their screw ups, their struggles, and their frustrations.  For a tiny few, that seems to be about ALL they post!

 

Personally, I'm always trying to make sure my pictures don't include the pile of dishes, the patched walls, the mounds of laundry, etc. in the background.  Which is hysterical, because I actually have no problem posting pictures of the crap I collect from under the couch, the curtain rod my kids pulled down, or that time my youngest covered the kitchen in butter.  So I'm definitely not afraid of sharing the less pretty things (literally or metaphorically), but they are on my terms.

 

There are aspects of my life that I don't share on social media. They're the same ones I don't share in real life social gatherings. That's called using my brain!

 

 

[Farrar]

See, I am friended with people who post things like how their baby hasn't stopped screaming for two days straight or that they finally got around to a house project that only sat there for four years or that they just lost their job or other various woes big and small.

 

I know that social media makes people feel this way, but I have never fully understood it. The first time I saw someone post something (probably here) where they complained about how "braggy" everyone was on Facebook and then cited things that I don't think are bragging at all, I was a little floored. I still find that reading of someone posting their happy vacation photos to be one I can't connect with at all. It doesn't make any real sense to me.

 

And like Regentrude said, it has helped me stay in touch with IRL friends in new ways and urged me into seeing old friends that I probably wouldn't have made the effort to see if I didn't feel that social media connection or to see local friends and catch up in a more real way more often. So I don't see it as making me separated from people.

 

When you get to the social media outside of your own personal, curated circles, I agree with Tibbie - it has brought out the nastiness in us as a society. And when, on rare occasions, people are caught and exposed for saying these really vile things online, they often apologize by saying "that wasn't me". But, it was you. You said that or did it. And maybe you thought the relative anonymity of some forms of social media made it okay to do or say anything, but that doesn't mean it wasn't you. So much cognitive dissonance in how people view their online lives.

[mom@shiloh]

In general, on my FB, it seems as if people post highlights more than ordinary life; so yes, I do feel it can lead to discontentment.  

[MamaBearTeacher]

There are groups of people who are like this in real life, who only show the perfect sides of their lives and make you think they have no problems. I don't consider laundry a serious problem. I think this feeling of "other people's lives are perfect" has always been there but may be exaggerated in social media.

[Soror]

I think it depends on the person. For some social media is an incredibly positive thing for others it is not. I've been wanting to start a thread about that. I don't know if the difference is personality or introvert/extrovert or something else. 

 

For me it is not so much the comparison as I feel generally content but more I find it emotionally draining. IRL I prefer to connect to just a few people. The people I want to stay connected with I talk to on the phone. 

 

 

And for the love of all things holy, yes, I know how to change settings on FB. I've tweaked. Unfollowed everyone etc. etc. I'm not looking for advice on how to use it and enjoy it, I just believe that those kind of things aren't fabulous for everyone.

 

I'm still on because it is required for communication for certain groups.

[SparklyUnicorn]

You must have very different friends than I do.  My friends are all awesomely pessimistic.  Just like I like em...  LOL

 

 

[Arcadia]

The people I find really irritating, with their constant bragging of trips, how awesome their kids are, etc., are that way in real life.

...

It doesn't matter if you really did just take ANOTHER great trip that I didn't. Reality is, I don't want to hear about it.

I rather my bragging friends and relatives brag on social media than in real life. I can don't see their social media brags but if I am stuck in the same room as they in real life, I get to hear their rather loud brags while the event (family gatherings, conferences) is on.

 

I grew up in a culture where people take a vacation/staycation during school holidays in June and December because from my home country many countries are a train/bus/ferry ride away. So that aspect doesn't bug me especially when my friends are "showing off" their kids or historical buildings through candid shots.

[Guest]

No. I do not experience this at all.

[Tangerine]

I think the bragging vs. sharing can be based entirely on your perspective. I grew up on government assistance, so my perception of vacations is (admittedly) probably very skewed. Someone who came from means, or just a comfortable background, probably would never think they were bragging because they get to do what they have always gotten to do. It's just a normal part of life.

 

I also try to keep the perspective that I have chosen to have 5 kids. And so as a trade off, I have more chaos and way less money. I try to remember that when someone with one child gets to take all sorts of adventures that would just be impossibly cost prohibitive with a bunch.

[Twolittleboys]

I guess it could be like this for some people but it doesn't really bother me.

 

I love to see other people's vacations, special events, kids etc. It doesn't make me feel envious. I do assume that everyone has bad days, struggles etc. Plenty of people post about smaller problems/mishaps.

 

Lots of politics but about 99% agree with my own view so nothing to get upset there. I guess that does give me an unrealistic view of reality (after all, someone makes up the other half of voters) but I don't think it has anything to do with social media per se. Almost all my facebook friends are real friends, former classmates or colleagues etc. so it is more a socio-economic thing.

 

I don't post much myself, pretty much only some vacation pictures. Not so much to bragg, but because it is the only time I remember to take some pictures. I do comment on other people's posts.

[Guest]

I really think it's a stretch to blame low self esteem on Pinterest or fb photo albums.

 

FB and Pinterest are in and of themselves money makers for someone else. It's not commentary on the state of your personal life.

[ErinE]

No, I think this view gives people too little credit. Everybody knows that there are laundry and squabbles and moments so mundane they seem not worth sharing. People still interact with people in real life. In my circle, this interaction is enhanced by our ability to keep in touch via social media, not reduced.

Agreed. I can tell when someone is presenting a curated life, but their baby posts are still sweet. Their anniversary posts get liked. We've moved often over the years. Through social media, I've seen friends' babies grow up, just as they've seen mine, even though I haven't seen them again in real life. I ignore political posts and MLM, but I enjoy seeing my friends and family. I have friends halfway across the globe and I can see their posts and interact with them instantly. I'm grateful for social media.

[Bluegoat]

Something I'd point out - I think many young people are not using social media in the way people here are.  They often don't have just a small group of friends they know they are following, for example - they are following all kinds of groups and sites and such that have their own agenda.

 

But also, I've seen some super over the top stuff about how young people are curating their own profiles.  Not just failing to mention the laundry or bratty kids, but posting words and pictures that are actually intented to present a kind of facade or rate in a particular way with their peers.  Not only posting the better shots of themselves, but taking many to get one that is good enough and putting it through heavy filters.

 

It seems like they know it is a facade, but they are somehow compelled to create and maintain it.  I can't imaginme they think it, or that of others, is real in the sense I would, but they seem to think that in some ways it is more real, or more important.

 

It seems to me this will lead to something worse than just discontent.

[trulycrabby]

Well, I learned about chicken math on facebook, so there are some positive aspects to social media. I've also gotten really, really good at identifying types of snakes and spiders, too. :wub:

 

That said, on my last vacation there were lots of folks on the beach taking selfies. :ack2:

Edited July 6, 2017 by trulycrabby

[Paige]

If someone's FB posts make you feel bad because it makes their life look better than yours, it's your problem. I think it's rude to publicly complain about my kids, spouse, or job, so I think it's inappropriate to put that out there to all of my friends. I don't post much at all, but will only put up positive or funny things. Everyone knows everyone else has dirty laundry, but we don't need to hang it out for all to see. I cringe when I see people oversharing personal details; especially negative things.

 

I like seeing people's cute kids, their happy vacations, and seeing celebratory moments. I like seeing all of that from all my friends and acquaintances. I don't want to be invited into the personal dramas of people I am not very close with. 

 

ETA: I think the younger generation is learning quickly not to overshare. Most of my nieces and nephews and friends' kids either no longer use FB or use it rarely. My kids have no interest. They might follow a wide range of people, but most of them are learning to keep a tighter control over who sees their personal photos, posts, etc. The younger people who don't do this are not the norm in my circles- they are just louder, more obvious, and make it seem like "everyone" is still doing it. My nieces and nephews are much more likely to have controls over their profiles than those of my parents' generation. 

Edited July 6, 2017 by Paige

[Janeway]

I was messaging with a friend today (ok, so we WERE using a social media thing) about how too much time on FB and other social media can really breed discontent and an unrealistic view of life.

 

People post their vacation moments, trophies of their kids, etc..........but never the mountain of laundry, squabbles with the kids, etc.  We just see the happy, perfect, whitewashed moments of life------or at least that is the way with most of our friends.

 

I think there IS a good reason not to post that other stuff online as it is always out there and years later it could come back to haunt you (or your kids) and I don't want others necessarily knowing all of the private struggles of our family.  Yet on the flip side, how often are we real with people and show them that we really do have struggles?

I guess it depends on your friends. My friends do not post those things. I am much more likely to get a post about a chicken dying or someone in the ER or the whole family having the flu than anything about a vacation. 

[Guest]

I do sometimes post things like a mountain of laundry or how my kid's room looks when she brings her dorm stuff home, just to keep it real. But I'm certainly not going to post things that could humiliate or harm my kids or myself on FB. For several,years, one of my kids asked that I not post anything about him on FB at all, without specifically asking if I could. So, I respected that, even though it bugged me that it looked like I only talk about the other kids and never that one.

 

I do not post as much vacation stuff as I used to because I know it can breed feelings of envy...I was feeling envious of one of my friends because she goes every summer to fabulous vacations (Italy, France, Hawaii, London...). I'm generally content with my life, but her life really does look like Mrs. Perfect. She did tone some things down, though, in the past few years. She does still post pictures from fabulous vacations, but generally, it's a few highlight pictures, not an album of 128 photos of Europe. It may be that she became aware that she was doing that FB-Perfect Life thing.

 

Actually, I haven't been posting to FB much recently. It is too much of a time suck. Now, if I would just stop posting here all the time, imagine what I could accomplish...

 

P.S.: I also don't usually post those "Having fun with Jane Doe at Fancy, Awesome Restaurant!" things anymore. They definitely can cause others to be jealous and be, "She never asks *ME* out to Fancy Awesome Restaurant!" Sometimes the people I am with do still post such things, so it could happen, but is there really a goal in that besides making it look like you have an awesome, friend-filled life? Not really.

Edited July 6, 2017 by Quill

[HomeAgain]

If someone's FB posts make you feel bad because it makes their life look better than yours, it's your problem. I think it's rude to publicly complain about my kids, spouse, or job, so I think it's inappropriate to put that out there to all of my friends. I don't post much at all, but will only put up positive or funny things. Everyone knows everyone else has dirty laundry, but we don't need to hang it out for all to see. I cringe when I see people oversharing personal details; especially negative things.

 

I like seeing people's cute kids, their happy vacations, and seeing celebratory moments. I like seeing all of that from all my friends and acquaintances. I don't want to be invited into the personal dramas of people I am not very close with. 

 

ETA: I think the younger generation is learning quickly not to overshare. Most of my nieces and nephews and friends' kids either no longer use FB or use it rarely. My kids have no interest. They might follow a wide range of people, but most of them are learning to keep a tighter control over who sees their personal photos, posts, etc. The younger people who don't do this are not the norm in my circles- they are just louder, more obvious, and make it seem like "everyone" is still doing it. My nieces and nephews are much more likely to have controls over their profiles than those of my parents' generation. 

 

This. 

 

The term "Kodak moment" was coined long before Facebook. And handwritten letters go back further. People have ALWAYS shared the good and ignored the mundane.  And it's never been cool to air your dirty laundry.

 

My Facebook is a mixture of accomplishments, questions, happy days and goofy moments.  If you don't like it, don't be on social media.  It's not that hard.  My friends are all the same way.  It's how we share ideas for school and family nights and kid care.

 

As far as selfies, I did read something the other day that struck gold.  People complain of women being narcissistic by taking selfies at all occasions, but we weren't the ones naming children after ourselves. :laugh:

[Guest]

This.

 

The term "Kodak moment" was coined long before Facebook. And handwritten letters go back further. People have ALWAYS shared the good and ignored the mundane. And it's never been cool to air your dirty laundry.

 

My Facebook is a mixture of accomplishments, questions, happy days and goofy moments. If you don't like it, don't be on social media. It's not that hard. My friends are all the same way. It's how we share ideas for school and family nights and kid care.

 

As far as selfies, I did read something the other day that struck gold. People complain of women being narcissistic by taking selfies at all occasions, but we weren't the ones naming children after ourselves. :laugh:

HaHa! Jonathan James Worthington IV = ultimate selfie! 😆

[Rachel]

I have cut my FB friends down to only those I actually interact with regularly or very close family members. I do post lots of pictures and brag on my kids, but I view it the same as getting doubles of prints made and mailing them to grandparents the way my parents use to do.

 

I do talk to my friends about struggles with life and am quite candid about it. I don't necessarily post the details on FB though. I may post a general complaint about it being a long day but I'm also just as likely to text a friend about that, providing more detail.

[pinkmint]

Matthew 5:30 and if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away.

 

This is my bible verse in relation to social media. Not meaning to literally cut your hand off per se, but to do completely away with something that gives you personally (not everybody necessarily) a hard time with envy,comparison, depression etc.

 

People may say I'm weak or lame or what have you that I avoid social media and am not "on Facebook" but it's possible to live without it and for some of us it's better to live without it.

 

I will believe you when you say you can use it with no troubles whatsoever. So believe me when I say I can't, even if you don't understand.

[marbel]

I think it can lead to feelings of inadequacy and loneliness in people who tend to those feelings.   And, I think middle-aged people view it differently than young people.  My kids certainly don't get any negative feelings like that.  

 

I do think people should think before posting some of their social events.  I've seen some people very hurt that they were excluded from parties and such.  Of course no one is obligated to invite everyone they know to every thing.  But, some parties are best left off social media.  (For an example: someone threw a retirement party for a member of their organization, but didn't invite everyone who worked there.  The party had the feel of an "official" company event even though it was a private party.  And it ended up on facebook. Several people from the organization were hurt because they had not been invited. They would have like to participate, contribute to the gift, etc.  It caused some hard feelings and embarrassment for the guest of honor, who had not known that only certain people had been invited, and that the photos were on social media.)

 

There are some people I've stopped following because I get tired of photos of all their meals, or photos of their kid with every college acceptance letter they received. (No photos of rejection letters, if there were any, of course.)   There are some people who seem to be using SM to brag, and others who are just sharing their life.  I think it's one of those things that "I know it when I see it."  It may also have to do with how close I am to the person, and even how much I like them.  Inconsistent, maybe, but probably true. 

 

 

Edited July 6, 2017 by marbel

[ktgrok]

No, I think this view gives people too little credit. Everybody knows that there are laundry and squabbles and moments so mundane they seem not worth sharing. People still interact with people in real life. In my circle, this interaction is enhanced by our ability to keep in touch via social media, not reduced.

 

Same here. My friends and I have better relationships because of the ability to keep in touch on social media. And we all delight in posting the crazy, real, messy parts of life. 

[meena]

A lot of social media, especially Instagram and Snapchat, is meant to be aspirational. Based on talking to my teens, I think they are acclimated to this and see social media like how my generation sees magazines--aesthetically pleasing and maybe there are elements to work toward but not 100% real life 100% of the time. They see pictures and stories shared as individual moments in time rather than thinking that's how someone's whole life must be all the time.

 

Even knowing that, though, I think they are still under the misconception that social media connects people, even though most of the time those connections are very shallow. We talk a lot about how someone can have a lot of followers/likes/comments, and yet feel very lonely and disconnected. I try to emphasize that many times the deepest connections are made in face-to-face interactions and that social media should be seen as a supplement to IRL relationships not a substitute.

[ktgrok]

 

That said, on my last vacation there were lots of folks on the beach taking selfies. :ack2:

 

What is wrong with that? I have a Facebook feed full of people posting beach selfies, photos of their kids playing and building sand castles, and videos of my niece who is learning to surf. I like every bit of it. Good for them. They look happy. My loved ones being happy makes me happy. 

 

Why yuck?

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[Soror]

I will believe you when you say you can use it with no troubles whatsoever. So believe me when I say I can't, even if you don't understand.

Exactly. I don't think social media is the root of all evils or anything like that. I just don't find it to always be a net positive experience and it isn't my fault, not everything works for everyone. We are all different and as with everything else, it is appreciated when others can acknowledge that while something me be wonderful/horrible for them someone else may experience the exact opposite.

Edited July 6, 2017 by soror

[Bluegoat]

A lot of social media, especially Instagram and Snapchat, is meant to be aspirational. Based on talking to my teens, I think they are acclimated to this and see social media like how my generation sees magazines--aesthetically pleasing and maybe there are elements to work toward but not 100% real life 100% of the time. They see pictures and stories shared as individual moments in time rather than thinking that's how someone's whole life must be all the time.

 

Even knowing that, though, I think they are still under the misconception that social media connects people, even though most of the time those connections are very shallow. We talk a lot about how someone can have a lot of followers/likes/comments, and yet feel very lonely and disconnected. I try to emphasize that many times the deepest connections are made in face-to-face interactions and that social media should be seen as a supplement to IRL relationships not a substitute.

 

Yeah, its interesting that we oldtimers are talking about social media in terms of FB, when it seems like the younger generation are more focused on twitter, snapchat, and Instagram.  And probably I'm behind on that.

[Farrar]

That said, on my last vacation there were lots of folks on the beach taking selfies. :ack2:

 

I don't understand why that gets a gag emoji? Spending your whole afternoon on the beach just taking selfies, sure. Be in the moment, people. Taking selfies on your vacation trip that included a visit to a Holocaust memorial, absolutely, because there are a few places that should not involve selfies or much photography in general. But taking a couple of selfies while you're chilling on the beach as you snap your kids building sandcastles and your husband napping? Why is this behavior being judged?!?!? I just... I don't even understand people sometimes. Like, why? Why be mean about this?

 

Honestly, I used to poo-poo selfies a little, but I finally got fed up with the fact that I take photos of dh and the kids and everyone else and no one takes photos of me. So now I take selfies or bully the kids into taking pictures of me and with me. Because I deserve to be documented occasionally too. And by occasionally, I really do mean occasionally. I have maybe a dozen photos of me from the last several months to dozens upon dozens of the kids.

[Anne in CA]

I think lots of people look better or worse. Lots of people are incapable of posting anything other than their real life and it is really sad to read their fights with their spouses, their kid's unplanned pregnancies, their white power carp. It is heartbreaking. Some people are great at marketing their lifestyle. Particularly those who want to sell you direct marketed items. I do know those people don't have the life the pretend on FB, but I think lots of people don't know that. The same people who think posting about the mean name their spouse just called them do not have the savvy to see through those people who are only posing about how well their new diet product works. 

[Tangerine]

What is wrong with that? I have a Facebook feed full of people posting beach selfies, photos of their kids playing and building sand castles, and videos of my niece who is learning to surf. I like every bit of it. Good for them. They look happy. My loved ones being happy makes me happy.

 

Why yuck?

Save

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Yeah. I don't much get it either. But I get irritated by what to me seem like they should be private declarations of love. It's like weird skywriting to me. So I try to understand how other people are perceiving selfies and the like, since obviously other people view the public love letters differently than I do.

 

I guess I look at it like this. Your FB page or IG feed is your scrapbook. If you love Pyrex, or lost gloves, or nail art then post it. I have a friend who takes pictures of partial bicycles in the city and posts them with song lyrics. Weird, right? But it is SO EASY to unfollow someone if they irritate you. You are basically a subscriber. Unsubscribe if you don't like their content.

 

If seeing other people do things that make them happy bothers you, maybe you're not doing enough things that make you happy. I truly think it hurts people sometimes, and that seems sad. But I've had those periods in my life for sure.

[SparklyUnicorn]

Ok, but seriously, you have a ton of control over who is in your friend's list.  You can also block stuff.  If everyone one of your facebook friends is super perfect, maybe they aren't your kind of friends.  Mine post positive things, but then they also post not so positive things.  They complain as much as they cheer.  And I also get why people don't share EVERYTHING.  Some stuff is highly personal.  I doubt my kid would mind me bragging about his good grade, but I'm not going to go on and on about what his room looks like on Facebook.  KWIM?  Not so cool.  I wouldn't appreciate someone doing that to me.

 

 

[Crimson Wife]

No, I think this view gives people too little credit. Everybody knows that there are laundry and squabbles and moments so mundane they seem not worth sharing. People still interact with people in real life. In my circle, this interaction is enhanced by our ability to keep in touch via social media, not reduced.

 

People may know this intellectually and agree with it during normal times.

 

But when the hard times hit and it seems like everyone you know has perfectly amazing children and perfectly amazing vacations to exotic locales and job promotions and new cars and on and on, while you're relying on food pantries to feed your kids who are acting out because of all the stress at home & praying that one of the job applications your husband filled out today will actually lead to a new position before you have to sell your house, social media doesn't "enhance" diddly squat.

[Arcadia]

It seems like they know it is a facade, but they are somehow compelled to create and maintain it. I can't imaginme they think it, or that of others, is real in the sense I would, but they seem to think that in some ways it is more real, or more important.

Facebook has become "an extension" of LinkedIn for young adults that are job or internship hunting.

 

If I ever were to apply for certain management positions, I'll clean up some Facebook posts that are set to "friends of friends" and set most of my posts to private just in case.

[meena]

Yeah, its interesting that we oldtimers are talking about social media in terms of FB, when it seems like the younger generation are more focused on twitter, snapchat, and Instagram.  And probably I'm behind on that.

 

My kids don't actually have any social media accounts right now for a few reasons that I won't get into right now. They aren't interested in FB at all--but they have repeatedly asked for IG and SC (and mostly only want to have SC for the weird filters).

[SparklyUnicorn]

My 15 year old is absolutely not interested in Facebook (he thinks it is quite uncool).  He is into Twitter. 

 

 

[Crimson Wife]

 

The term "Kodak moment" was coined long before Facebook. And handwritten letters go back further. People have ALWAYS shared the good and ignored the mundane.  And it's never been cool to air your dirty laundry.

 

But pre-social media people knew enough to not share vacation "brag books" with friends they knew were going through a rough patch. Now with FB/IG/etc. they just put it on blast and don't care about how it might make someone feel.

 

Edited July 6, 2017 by Crimson Wife

[SparklyUnicorn]

I dunno.  I don't get jealous over people's vacations.  I like looking at their pics.  I don't ever bother posting vacation stuff on Facebook though because when I'm on vacation I'd like to focus on my vacation rather than documenting it.

 

 

[Tangerine]

I don't know how you would cultivate your FB feed to not make anyone feel bad, because you never know what it is that will bother someone.  Like SparklyUnicorn, I could care less about people's vacations, but for me it is because generally I'd rather stay home.  You post a picture of your baby, someone is struggling with infertility.  You celebrate that your husband finally got a job, someone just got fired. I don't think anything is "on blast" because you have a choice to follow someone or not.  It's not being piped in without your consent.  I understand that people DO get hurt by it.  Those people hopefully know to take a break, or unfollow for a period or permanently.  I certainly think people should make an effort not to hurt people (for instance, I posted a video of twins once and blocked my friend who had lost a twin, because I knew it would be hurtful), but ultimately people can only make their best effort and someone will still feel a twinge about something you didn't know or expect would bother them.

[Murphy101]

I think tv and movies do more to cultivate discontent than FB.

 

I don't know about the rest of you, but I'm really annoyed that even years after civilization has been devastated by a zombie plague, those houses in Alexandria and the Hill Top still have manicured lawns and sparkling clean houses. I mean, if they can do it in the midst of the zombie apocalypse, what excuse do I have?