Have you, or do you anticipate you will, helped your dc on their essays?

[GinaPagnato]

Just thinking back to when I applied to college in the dark ages (before pc's, but thankfully we did have White-Out!), I didn't bother asking anyone to read my essays before mailing them in. I can't remember how many I wrote...maybe 2? They were probably so similar that I used the same ones with minor variations for all the schools I applied to.

 

I'm wondering how often kids these days get help from their parents on their essays and personal statements. I'm thinking of proof-reading and editing help, both for content and clarity.

 

I have some friends who don't even know what their kids wrote about, and other friends who admit to helping edit the essays, but they're not saying how much help they're giving. I don't know if it's because it's not a significant amount of help or because they don't want to say that they're practically writing it for their dc, lol.

 

So what do you guys think or know about this? What have you heard?

 

 

[Bluegoat]

Hmm, well, when I was a student my parents did give me some help at first, and I gave my youngest sister some as well.  And my other sister had advice from our cousin who is an editor.

 

But for myself and my youngest sister, this didn't last that long - perhaps in the second year and certainly by the third the topics became specialized enough that kind of help became less useful.  Both my parents were clear writers, but I think they found it a bit tedious.  That being said, my step-dad was a huge help on my first essay and I managed a B- which was considered a very solid first essay mark in that program.  But he mainly helped me organize my paragraphs more effectively, he didn't do the work himself.

 

I was lucky in that my first year we were required to submit a lot of essays, and each was graded carefully by a tutor, and we could meet with that person to get some detailed help including with the content.  Later on, we tended to get help from our peers within our department.  I also had a boyfriend who was a journalism student who would ruthlessly remove commas for me, until I stopped including most of them.

Edited May 29, 2017 by Bluegoat

[EKS]

I helped my older son, especially in his first dual enrollment composition course at the CC, and then some for the second one, but somehow, over his gap year, his writing improved tremendously, and when he showed me the first few papers he did for "real" college, they didn't need much help.  So he's only rarely shown me his writing since then.

Edited May 29, 2017 by EKS

[GinaPagnato]

To clarify, I meant giving assistance to high school kids who are working on their college application essays. Not the essays they write for college classes.

 

The kind of essay that says, "Why do you want to attend our college?" Or, "What is a significant life experience that has changed you?"

[The Girls' Mom]

I helped them brainstorm for ideas a little.  That was about it though.  

[bettyandbob]

I helped one of my dc. My help was:

 

DC: I don't know how to answer these questions

Me: which one are you choosing?

Ok, look at question 2. You've had x, y, and z experience.

 

Then dc makes notes and throws ideas out too. We might do this with a couple more questions.

 

dc goes to room and writes essays. I did not look at any essays unless asked. I think I was only asked about one out of 5.

 

My brother took a different approach. He spent a weekend writing essays for 5 applications for DN. His thought was he could spend the entire fall nagging her to do it or get it done himself. Obviously he was not considering honor codes. DN graduated cum laude from her first choice 2 years ago. My brother edited every single paper she turned in, but DN did do the writing and research before her dad edited. I have mixed feelings. I live my DN and my brother, but I think my brother went too far in helping.

[bettyandbob]

I gave my DD permission write about stuff that is private to our family. My dh did not want her to do that because it revealed very sensitive information about her brothers. I said it was not fair to DD to not let her speak to the reality in which she has lived.

 

Dh reasoning was related to the possibility that our older ds was considering a couple of the same schools for grad programs​. I felt it was far fetched logic.

[Julie of KY]

I have no problem with students who are asking for help on any essay - application essays or other. For a test you have to be able to do it completely on your own, but otherwise it's generally a good idea to run your paper by someone to edit it. Colleges have writing tutors and encourage students to seek out help on papers, etc. 

 

As far as your question - my oldest did the Brave Writer College Admission Essay class, so yes, he did have help. The help was generally hand-holding through the process. First brainstorm about things you enjoy, next read over the essay prompt and see if any of these would apply to it. Next do some freewriting. Meanwhile read some blogs about what admission officers are looking for and read these essays with comments from admissions. Good job, now free write some more. Here's a list of brainstorming questions, do any of them give you new ideas. Now write a rough draft. Here's some questions, now go write some more. The essay was 100% his words and was a very good look into his personality. The BW teacher supported along the way, but in no way told him what to write and did very minimal editing. (It was an excellent class by the way).

 

I have a big problem with someone else writing the essay for the student. I don't have any problem with students seeking help. If your honor code says to state whether you had help then do so, but there is nothing unethical about brainstorming with someone, bouncing ideas off of them or asking someone for editing or proofreading help. 

 

I think today the college admission essay questions are more important and top students are turning in more polished essays for college apps compared to when I went to school. 

[MysteryJen]

Yes, because ds2 has dysgraphia and dd2 has dyslexia. I expect to help with most forms of written expression until they have a secretary.

 

To be fair, we always help each other with editing. I have dh look over things for me, the older kids ask for edits as well.

[Hoggirl]

Ds spent the most time on his Common App essay. His English teacher proofread it (as she did for all of her senior students). She had about three marks on it - a sentence underlined with her comment, "needs more clarity," a couple of comma changes, and one word circled with her comment, "word choice???? - too cliche? Or did you choose this word on purpose?" To my knowledge, that was the only essay she read. To me, that is the way anyone should proofread someone else's writing: proofing for true grammatical/usage errors and reading for content. Not throwing out exact ways to rewrite something but rather poinitng out places where the student might give more thought.

 

Ds had to write multiple essays because he applied to several top-tier schools. Generally, he found ways to be efficient and tweak them to work for multiple schools. Meaning, he had common themes/topics that could be reworked for multiple essays. There were two essays for his top choice school that he really struggled with/could not get going on. Finally, about a week before the deadline, he went in his room and wrote them both in about an hour. I read both of those - really some of his better stuff. One truly had me laughing out loud. My edit? "I think you need a comma here," on one of them.

 

I didn't read all of ds's essays for all schools but read them when asked. He asked me to read one for his only Ivy. It was completely convoluted, and I couldn't follow it at all and told him so. It was not one with one of those common themes/topics, so he had to start fresh. Don't think he changed a thing (he was sick of it all by then) and was rejected. Not saying that one essay would have made a difference either way, but it certainly didn't help him. It was a mess.

 

I have never read a college paper of his. He generally writes well and has confidence in his writing ability. I was really pleased (and surprised) that he visited the writing center at his school before turning in his first paper. He said he felt that a first college paper was too important not to have someone else look over it. I think he reworked it per their suggestions and wound up with a B or B- on it. I believe he went back to the writing center one more time to go over the comments from the first paper and to get started on his second paper and that was it.

 

I think having someone proofread/edit college application essays is prudent. There is a sweet spot of the correct amount of guidance, however.

[JanetC]

I had kid #1 do a video essay class, and only looked when she was close to done. I didn't want to push a topic or an edit on her too early in the process and change her voice. When making suggestions when I did look, I tried to use the lightest hand possible.

 

She had one main essay and several smaller ones as well. At least one for each of her four schools.

[Guest]

I helped brainstorm on things to write in the essay, then I helped proofread for glaring errors or awkward wording.

[GinaPagnato]

Okay, this is helpful. I do think it's wise for an applicant to have someone else read what they've written, just to offer suggestions or point out where things may be unclear. So proofreading for content and style, as well as the mechanics of writing makes sense to me.

 

I guess I've talked to many people who claim to never have even read what their kid wrote, so it got me wondering about it. As a homeschooling parent, I can't imagine being so removed from the application process that my kid would either choose not to ask my opinion, or that I wouldn't in some way ask to read it. Perhaps this has more to do with the relationship than the mode of education, however.

 

ETA: I also want to be careful to not take over the process entirely. Homeschooling can bring out the control freak in me.  :D

Edited May 29, 2017 by GinaPagnato

[EKS]

To clarify, I meant giving assistance to high school kids who are working on their college application essays. Not the essays they write for college classes.

 

The kind of essay that says, "Why do you want to attend our college?" Or, "What is a significant life experience that has changed you?"

 

Ahhh, ok.

 

Yes, I helped my son.

[GoodGrief]

For my oldest, not at all. In retrospect, it would have been a good idea to encourage her to have me or someone else edit for grammar and spelling. I was trying to be all "hands-off" at the time.

 

For my next applicant, I helped her find people to read the essays and offer comment, I would do a final edit for grammar.

 

I'm helping a young man from outside the family for the upcoming app season. I've encouraged him to start writing essays and identify a few people who could be readers.

[Crimson Wife]

Back in the day, I had both my parents, the editor-in-chief at the newspaper where my mom worked, and several of my teachers give me feedback on my essays.

 

I'm currently working on my grad school essays and so far I've gotten feedback from both my parents, my DH, and one of my good college friends who is a published author. I've got a couple of other friends who were English majors and are in writing-related careers (speechwriter and technical editor) that I want to look over my essays before they go out.

 

The CONTENT is/was my own. That is where some applicants cross the ethical line. It's fine to get suggestions for improving the essays but the applicant needs to be the one actually coming up with the content.

[Julie of KY]

Okay, this is helpful. I do think it's wise for an applicant to have someone else read what they've written, just to offer suggestions or point out where things may be unclear. So proofreading for content and style, as well as the mechanics of writing makes sense to me.

 

I guess I've talked to many people who claim to never have even read what their kid wrote, so it got me wondering about it. As a homeschooling parent, I can't imagine being so removed from the application process that my kid would either choose not to ask my opinion, or that I wouldn't in some way ask to read it. Perhaps this has more to do with the relationship than the mode of education, however.

 

ETA: I also want to be careful to not take over the process entirely. Homeschooling can bring out the control freak in me.  :D

 

I also have talked to friends that have never read what their kids have written or are otherwise very hands-off. Many times the parents are uninformed and are unaware that the kids are getting bad advice elsewhere. 

[MerryAtHope]

Yes, I help as needed with scholarship application essays.

 

Sometimes they want help brainstorming what to say, and then they go write. Other times they just write.

 

Then I will proof for errors. Sometimes I also make suggestions--"You used the word "education" 3 times. Can you think of a different way to phrase this sentence?" or, "Share some more details to flesh out this idea." or, "I think it might flow better if you move this sentence to another place. See what you think."

 

I try to avoid rewriting for them or commenting on certain choices that I might want to polish--it's supposed to sound like a young person wrote it, after all! 

[PinkyandtheBrains.]

I expect to help brainstorm if needed and then help with the editing process.

[Sebastian (a lady)]

We pass a lot of essays around. Not only for grammar, punctuation, and word choice, but also for clarity of thought and focus. I think college essays tend to be too general and broad rather than developing an idea well with specific examples.

 

So we tend to read each other's essays and articles and give feedback on what we think the main idea was.

 

I also had a friend read ds2's main CA essay. I was a bit concerned about how it would read to someone from a different background.

[hopskipjump]

For dd2, she is practicing/going to practice writing essays over this entire next year using prompts from this and previous years. And I will help her grind those essays to a polished gemstone. When it's time for the actual essays, I'll help her brainstorm if she asks - and then she'll write new/mix with old/whatever is needed and I'll read over the final essay as a pair of "fresh eyes." I'll point out any glaring issues or omissions that I see, but it'll be up to her what she does about that in the grand scheme of things.

 

I won't have her just write-and-send unless there is a major surprise deadline that pops up.

 

 

 

[JeanM]

We definitely helped older ds with proof-reading his essays, and he had many essays. We didn't help much with content, although I recall one essay that prompted me to explain to ds why his first paragraph seemed inappropriate.

 

Any English class that has seniors in it at the local high school assigns a common app essay in the fall. The teachers go through multiple iterations with students. My older ds has done that twice. One teacher was actually quite helpful, but it was his sophomore year and he never used the essay he wrote. His actual senior year English teacher was not very helpful.

[Mabelen]

My daughter was in public high school. I was a sounding board when she brainstormed possible areas and topics. In her Ap Lit class there was some time given to work on college app essays. I read her essays as well as edits given by peers. I asked questions/gave suggestions. I am not a native English speaker, so my suggestions were tentative and indirect rather than direct. My daughter is a pretty strong writer, I don't recall seeing anything major that was wrong.

[Ann.without.an.e]

I proofread for clarity and errors.  I didn't change the content or write any of the content though (sadly I have heard of a mom practically writing her son's essays).  

[Night Elf]

DH proofed for grammar and sentence clarity. Our dd tends to be an expressive writer and will take two pages to say what a peer can say in one page. So DH proofed to make sure her essay was tight. We left the content to her. She didn't even ask us what she should say. She did a great job.

[lmrich]

I enrolled my dd in the Bravewriter class for college essay writing. It was a GREAT decision!

 

[gstharr]

Back in the day, I did my own without any help (was shocked by the  schools that accepted me) . With the NEW 7th grader, I proofed his middle school  admission package. Then, for rising HSer, that I was paid to assist, I encouraged, suggested, and gave pointers on making his essays more dynamic ( e.g.things like  "I volunteered", instead of "there was mandatory")

[Paige]

Not for college, but I helped edit my DS's essays for applications to a HS program. He wrote it, I edited it and suggested changes, and he ignored half of my suggestions. I wouldn't force him to show me or to take my suggestions, but if asked, I will edit just like I would for any friend or relative who asked.

 

My parents did not look at or edit any of my papers or essays. I was a confident student and they were not really writers. I didn't think they could help much. I did ask an English prof I knew look over one, but that's about it. 

[DawnM]

If they want help, I will help them.  I can proof-read and help them brainstorm.

[luuknam]

I only had to write one essay when applying as a transfer student to UTD when I was 20, and I know my MIL (former high school English teacher) proofread it, and I think my wife proofread it too. IIRC, zero changes were made, and my MIL gushed about how awesome it was (it took her quite a while to get used to the fact that my English is not abysmal).

 

As to my own kids, I would make sure they'd have *someone* proofread their essays - if not me, someone else with a decent grasp of English and enough attention to detail to catch awkward typos - if the typo leads to a real word it usually doesn't get caught by spell check. Whether I'd do more than that, I don't know - my inclination is to say I'd probably point out if something was phrased really awkwardly or if something was inappropriate imo or w/e (not fixing it, just telling them to think about changing it somehow), and that that would be about it, but my kids are young, and my oldest struggles with writing, so who knows how I might feel about this when push comes to shove (interesting saying in this context, since I don't particularly even want to get to 'push').

[luuknam]

Btw, reading through this thread I did remember that I had to answer some of those kinds of questions when I applied to do a year abroad with AFS, and that my mom did help me brainstorm a bit on some that I was really stuck on... though iirc, my final answers to those were quite different than her brainstorming ideas, but, point is, I did get some brainstorming help... though not with the college application essay, but I didn't want/need brainstorming help with that one. However, I think the more often you have to answer those kinds of questions, the less likely it is you'll need brainstorming help for future ones. 

[SKL]

I also wrote my own essays; I doubt my parents even looked at them.  It would have felt like cheating at that time.

 

Today, it would be hard to stay hands-off if admissions were competitive, because I know many parents are not only helping, but outright writing their kids' essays.  I think the "best balance" may depend on how others applying to the same school are handling it, if that can be known.

 

I find this challenging in general as my kids grow up.  Opportunities to be in charge of their own competitions are affected by the fact that other kids have a team of adults in their corners.  I assume the difference in philosophies affects each teen's readiness to write a passable application essay on her own.  I have a friend whose dad wrote all her school essays and then wrote her college entrance essays.  My friend was utterly incapable of trusting herself to write anything, so she didn't even consider it an option to write her own application.  I don't even think she read whatever her dad wrote.

Edited June 11, 2017 by SKL

[FriedClams]

I will for grammar, spelling, etc but not for voice. I think it's like having a co-worker check something before it goes to the boss. It's not for approval but another set of eyes to catch anything obvious.

[fourisenough]

I helped by enrolling DD17 in Maya Inspecktor's Essay writing mini-class this summer! That is about all the help DD will tolerate from me. I anticipate her older sister, a very strong writer with much more recent experience than me, will be engaged as an early reader.

[angela in ohio]

I served as dc's "guidance counselor" for college admissions. I helped them decide what aspects they wanted to highlight to win acceptance, I worked with them to integrate those into their application in the correct areas, and then that led to giving a lot of feedback on their essays (and every other part as well.)

 

We kept a list of all essays, when they were due, and what general theme they fit into. They wrote some boilerplate to use on common themes. Then they would email me their finished essay before it was due, I'd edit it, and we'd talk about possible revisions. If I felt less comfortable with editing, I would outsource it in a heartbeat.  For us, it was literally worth hundreds of thousands for them to get into certain schools.

 

They still send me resumes, cover letters, email drafts to professors, etc. to review and edit. It helps to have someone to bounce things off of. Dh and I always do the same for each other.