Do you wear a bra to sleep in?

[TranquilMind]

There is a back story, but this is something I've been curious about for a while. My dd's both wear their bras to bed, but I don't. I never have. I'm not a very large busted woman (C cup, but barely b when I weighed less.) I find it uncomfortable and will only if there's a specific reason. I grew up thinking all women have more or less the same body parts, so to go braless when I go to bed around other women was no big deal. That's what I tried to impart to my dd's, but they love their bras. :) Something happened this week that makes me question whether bra or no bra is due to age or modesty. Or maybe my "comfortableness" just makes me an old person.

 

So do you wear your bra when you go to sleep?

Heck, no. The bra comes off anytime I am home.

[MamaBearTeacher]

My initial reaction was anger. Now, a couple of days later, I'm a little calmer and believe this speaks more about them than it does about me. It made me curious about bedtime bras, though.

This does speak more about them than you! The people who were immodest in this situation were the kids, their parents and the pastor. The kids and their parents were bad enough, but for a pastor to bring this up with your husband! That shows extreme lack of judgement IMO.

 

Whether a woman wears a bra or not to sleep is her decision. Kids should be guided to not look at others' body parts and talk about them. This is not a normal or acceptable way to have fun and they need to be told this.

[lynn]

No but that's only in my own home. Yes if we have company, visiting someone or overnight camping.

[lexi]

No. not unless I'm nursing and then it's a very comfy stretchy one.

 

I think their whole conversation about you is highly inappropriate and I don't see why the conversation has still continued.

[SporkUK]

I sleep in at most a long t-shirt-type nightgown and thermal socks because anything more and I find it painful to sleep and wake up with chafed lines in my skin around my joints.  I happily stopped wearing bras at all during my first pregnancy. My size has fluctuated a lot over ten years of pregnancy and/or breastfeeding followed by ovarian failure so between that and skin sensitivity especially when it's intensified by hot flashes, I've found no reason to add to my discomfort. It sucks enough having compression socks and tights for medical conditions which I take off as soon as I get home and can put my feet up. 

 

If anyone decided they needed to talk to my spouse about this or have a group conversation about this, I would have a hard time holding my tongue. Yes, I have a human body that jiggles in many places and has nipples. I see men's nipples through their shirts all the time especially in winter where wearing a T-shirt to prove how hardy they are is currently a thing [and my eye level is many men's chest height] and many who jiggle far more in many more places than I do without compression shirts under typical clothes being considered a modesty must for men even if some wear them for comfort, medical need, or aesthetic preferences. That they would talk about you like that and not correct their kids on this behaviour would seriously make me question wanting to be around those people. I would worry what 'not like them' thing they would pick on me for next.

 

But then, I'm a weirdo that wears a 'I'm not weird, I'm limited edition' among many other buttons on my bag so I likely self select myself out of such groups even if to most people where I live find me overly modest with only wearing long skirts, long fleeces or overshirts all year because I get overly cold or overly hot in a heartbeat so need to be able to adjust my attire easily, and cloth or knit caps because fighting my frizzy long hair is not something I like to spend time on - and nor is finding or wearing a bra. Seriously, a long dark nightgown sounds more than fine - it is so strange to me that they would do that. Even growing up in a very right wing church where little girls would be given cardigans if we were sent in a strappy dress because we might make others uncomfortable [this happened to me at 7], I can't recall anyone ever discussing others undergarments...that to me would be beyond immodest. 

[BlsdMama]

No way. Actually, I think I should get out of this thing now...

 

 

I start thinking that at about 8am.  

 

:glare:

 

No, definitely not at night.  I figure by the time I'm sixty-five I will lose my want to be remotely modest and the kids should call before they come over.  :hurray:

[ktgrok]

Not at all. TAke it off as soon as I can.

 

However. I have had to rethink once my girls started going through puberty and having boys in the house. I'm not sure yet what to think and do there.

 

I buy nightgowns with thicker material, so no nipples are revealed, or with busy patterns, same effect. I refuse to wear a bra in my nightgown. If my teen son ends up traumatized, well, I'll chip in on therapy later. Knowing that women's breasts flop around a bit or don't look like they do in a bra is probably good for his education. 

[Guest]

The only time I've ever worn a bra to sleep was when I was in college and I stumbled in late from a party and fell directly into bed. And that's all I'll say about that. Lol

[Lecka]

One of my sisters has always slept in a bra, as long as I can remember.

 

It is just more comfortable for her, she is sore without it.

 

I think it is normal.

 

I don't do it, though, but I don't find it a big deal either way.

[Lecka]

For boys who are visiting the house, not my own kids, I think I would be fully dressed. I think for poking a head in the door to say "go to sleep" at a slumber party, I have done that, but I think if it is more than that I do just get/stay fully dressed.

 

Edit -- I think it may be no big deal -- I think if it was, you would know for sure. Like -- I know for sure, with what I am wearing, I shouldn't wear it around the house when we have company, even if I would wear it with no company.

Edited November 6, 2016 by Lecka

[ktgrok]

For boys who are visiting the house, not my own kids, I think I would be fully dressed. I think for poking a head in the door to say "go to sleep" at a slumber party, I have done that, but I think if it is more than that I do just get/stay fully dressed.

 

Edit -- I think it may be no big deal -- I think if it was, you would know for sure. Like -- I know for sure, with what I am wearing, I shouldn't wear it around the house when we have company, even if I would wear it with no company.

 

My aunt started throwing on a vest sweater thing over her nightgown, when she has people over. That hides the relevant areas. Or there is always the old put a robe on thing, that's what I do. 

[Lecka]

I need to get a robe. That is exactly what I need for kids over in the evening.

 

I have never seen the point of a robe before, but now I want one.

[BooksandBoys]

Obligatory other: I spent a few (9?) years pregnant and/or nursing and I had to wear a bra to sleep. My b00ks are quite large, so after so many years, I thought perhaps this was just me. Nope within a month of weaning my youngest, I was happy to sleep without a bra again and comfortable to lounge in the house without one too.

[ikslo]

I like that I am 40 and could choose whether to put myself in the younger group or older group in your poll. I went with the 30-40 group. :D

[Granny_Weatherwax]

Your backstory makes me shake my head.

 

Here's what I would want to do: Volunteer to teach those kids. Then I would go to Goodwill and purchase a bunch of bras, bras of all shapes, sizes, and styles. I would hang them all over the classroom on the first day of class and begin with a humorous lesson about humility and kindness.

 

Here's what I would probably do: go home and cry and vow never to have anything to do with that group again. I'm hypersensitive about stuff like that.

 

I will share an awkwardly funny story told to me by my DH. Many years ago when DS was in a particular Boy Scout troop one of the moms brought new meaning to helicopter parenting and attended every single campout. She was a fluffy woman and had large b00ks; I mean unabridged dictionary sitting on a dictionary stand large. She did not sleep in a bra and would regularly get up in the morning and walk around camp in her thin nightshirt and shorts. DH and DS were quite upset to learn that said mom had double nipple piercings.

[ktgrok]

I need to get a robe. That is exactly what I need for kids over in the evening.

 

I have never seen the point of a robe before, but now I want one.

 

Isn't funny how we grow older and realize there is a point to certain things we were sure were pointless?

[ktgrok]

:huh: How do you ladies in the upper alphabet do it! :lol: I am in shock at the # who don't wear them. I assumed anyone over a B did at night. I can't go more than 30 minutes during the day without one or I get sharp pains. Maybe that accident did more damage then I thought. :confused1:

 

I've been anywhere from a DD to an F or higher when nursing, and never had pain from being braless, unless I'm doing jumping jacks or something. 

SaveSave

[ktgrok]

Holy crud! I just saw the backstory. That's RIDICULOUS!!!!

 

When did we get so freaking uptight about the human body that a girl seeing an adult woman without a bra under her nightgown is something to even talk about????? Honestly, I think we'd be far better served if girls saw women in the nude more often, but bra-less under a nightgown, just women and girls? What on EARTH has gone wrong in these women's lives that this is an issue?????????

 

I'm flabbergasted. Truly. 

[zoobie]

I have when pregnant and sore. Less flopping was more comfortable. And I did during the first few months of nursing to hold the pads. I like the Bravado nursing tanks, so I slept in those or wore them around the house. I like sleeping without but am not comfortable walking around without.

 

I cannot fathom discussing whether someone else does with another person. Who are these people? The parents and children sound like they're all nuts.

[TABmom]

The people in your story are all jerks. I wouldn't care if other people wore one or not. I am a rather large size and have always worn a bra while sleeping. I do not like to flop. At all. After having kids and using a nursing tank- that is what I sleep in now, even though I am no longer nursing. They are comfy while still not allowing flopping.

[Veritaserum]

I would not occur to me to think about wearing a bra for modesty while sleeping/near sleep. If I had unrelated teens (any gender) sleeping over at my house, I'd throw on a robe when interacting with them, but I wouldn't wear a bra to bed. In a camping situation I might wear a hoodie or something over my sleeping tee, but that's more likely to be for warmth than modesty. I still wouldn't wear a bra to sleep. That sounds so uncomfortable. The people freaking out about this situation are ridiculously out of line.

[StephanieZ]

Nope, never (except when nursing/leaking, and even then, I only wore the sleep bra for the worst weeks and went with a bath towel under me the rest of the time, lol.)

 

I think the teen campers and their parents and anyone else who treated their complaints as anything other than inappropriate, rude, nasty comments are crazed. 

 

When I'm in a more "public" venue such as hosting a large slumber party for my girls, or similar, I often wear a tank top under a button down flannel shirt. Or I just put a robe over my night clothes. 

 

When I'm at home with family (plus or minus a small number of house guests that are close friends/family), I wander around braless whenever I feel like it -- so mornings/late evenings in general. My boOks are covered with fabric (tank top usually -- some are loose and fairly modest, others are snug and not very modest at all but oh, so comfy . . . I avoid the less modest ones if there are non-family-members in the house), and my butt is covered by something more than underwear (well, sometimes just undies if it's a quick kitchen run and ONLY my immediate family and/or female friends are in the house).

 

But, I don't consider a bra any sort of requirement in public or otherwise. I'm not into the whole body shaming thing. My mom was a bra-free rebel in most of the 70s & 80s, when that was an acceptable thing to do . . . So I guess I grew up with the sense that bra or no bra is a personal choice. I personally like to keep my private areas COVERED, but I don't feel any compunction to hide their shape/structure/anatomy. Sometimes I wander out in my (large, private unless you're on my property) yard braless to take the dogs out or even do a bit of yard work, or whatever. If someone showed up in my driveway unannounced and saw me, well, that's their problem (or pleasure, I guess, depending on their mindset.) 

 

If someone gets offended or turned on by my braless bOoKs, then, whatever, that's their issue, not mine. Happy viewing, folks. I'm no more concerned about that than I'd be if they were offended or turned on by my calves or my shoulders. Whatever. Their problem, not mine. 

 

 

[The Girls' Mom]

I'm glad to see I'm not the only one who doesn't wear a bra. The back story is that two summers ago, our church youth group wanted to go to camp. As there were no other women volunteering to go with the teen girls, I offered to be their chaperone. (The girls couldn't attend without a female chaperone.) At bedtime when I put my jammies on, I would take off my bra. Usually I stayed on or near my bed after I changed. I always was modest, wore a dark nightgown, and didn't think anything of it.

 

Fast forward to this week when our associate pastor, in the course of a conversation about problems with the teen group, told my dh he overheard the parents of most of these girls (and some of the boys who attended) making fun of me not wearing a bra to bed at camp. Wearing a bra to sleep in is not something I would generally do and I was dumbstruck they would choose such an inane thing to make fun of me about.

 

This associate pastor has been attending/employed by our church for just over a year, so it was over a year after the camp the parents were still discussing this. (My bOOks are totally not worthy of such a discussion!)  :) I wondered if I was totally out of touch. Looks like I'm not as out of touch as they apparently think I am.

 

Thinking about it further, would your daughters be embarrassed by a woman they see on a regular basis if she didn't wear a bra under her jammies when she went to bed at a 5 day overnight summer camp? I think one of my daughters might be uncomfortable, but I don't think it would bother my other. I don't believe either one would say anything to the woman and it likely wouldn't even be part of the after camp chatter. Would your dd say anything to the woman if she were uncomfortable?

 

What would you do at an overnight camp? Would you wear your bra to bed even if it wasn't normal for you just in case you might upset someone?

 

(In my case, I think these parents--both male and female--just need a scapegoat. If it wasn't about the bra, it would be about something else I did or didn't do.)

 

Wow.  What a stupid thing to make a big deal about!  

 

I don't sleep in a bra.  Heck, I don't wear one around the house about half the time.  (I'll often wear a tank under my t-shirt though).  I would hope that my daughters wouldn't make a big deal about it either.  

 

I know my oldest sleeps in hers.  She says it is uncomfortable not to.  I don't know about my younger two, we've never really talked about it. 

[rocassie]

I do but it's a very thin stretchy bra almost like a short undershirt vs. a bra.  Ever since moving from a B to a DD with pregnancy and nursing it is uncomfortable to lay on my side (my preferred sleeping position) and have my breasts hang to the side.  The sleep bra helps keep them in place without being constricting.

[Reefgazer]

DD wears a bra to bed and I just don't get it. It would never occur to me to wear a bra to bed; I think it's weird. No, I wouldn't be changing my habits if I was at a sleepover camp, regardless of what anybody else thought of me.

Edited November 6, 2016 by reefgazer

[J-rap]

I don't.  I find them very uncomfortable to wear at night.  In fact, if I'm almost guaranteed to have a poor night's sleep if I am wearing one.

[BooksandBoys]

I would like to say that I can't imagine gossiping/judging a woman who did not wearing a bra to sleep, but I grew up in a church culture that taught girls of B cup or more to wear two bras so that they wouldn't "tempt" men. So, I'm saddened to hear your story, but not surprised, OP.

[QueenCat]

No, cannot imagine......... and I'm not on the small side. I can't wait for it to come off at night.

[mtomom]

I do not wear a bra unless I am going out in public. I don't wear a bra when sleeping.

 

I'd be really upset and confused that the teens latched onto that. I don't understand the mentality of the pastor who shared that information with your husband. How strange.

 

 

[Petrichor]

I don't wear a bra unless I am dressing up in fancy/tight clothes. This happens less than 3x/yr. And boy does it hurt when the bra finally comes off.

 

Last time I checked, I was something like DD. Really quite lopsided though, and hard to find a good fit. 

 

When I was in my teens, I always wore a sports bra, day and night. Wasn't a body image thing, just a comfort thing. 

 

 

[theelfqueen]

The only time I've regularly worn one to bed was when nursing.

 

I sometimes (very rarely) go to bed with a sports bra, if it's really cold and I don't want to go to the trouble of taking it off. Lol

 

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[AndyJoy]

When I was a teen, I'm pretty sure most girls in my youth group would have worn a sports bra to bed or taken it off immediately before sleeping at camp. We were young and self-conscious about people seeing our bras, talking about bras, seeing nipples through shirts, etc. It seems a bit silly now, but we were still figuring things out then. I remember being both embarrassed/admiring of adult women and their freedom from these issues. I could totally see some of them chatting/whispering about, "Did you see Mrs. X? She wasn't wearing a bra in the cabin!". It's easy for such chatter to get out of hand and spread, and becoming cruel/bullying. I think you were fine, but I could see some girls feeling awkward just because of their own awkward teenage position. The parents talking about it amongst themselves and *continuing* to discuss it two years later is ridiculous. One of them should have been the grown up and confronted you immediately if offended, rather than doing the mean-girls-gossip behind your back.

Edited November 7, 2016 by AndyJoy

[Forget-Me-Not]

I'm with most of the group:  I've never worn a bra to bed except for nursing, and even then I usually had some of those nursing "sleep" bras that are stretchy and basically serve to keep a nursing pad in place.  In fact, I still have a few that I throw on at home when I'm ready to get rid of the underwire but not ready to go completely bra-less. I've also used them in sleep situations where people other than my immediate family might see me in my pajamas (like at a family reunion where we were all in big vacation cabins and there was some bathroom sharing involved).  I probably would have worn them in the situation you described too, but I don't find it inappropriate that you chose not too (especially with an opaque nightgown).  I cannot believe people are gossiping about it two years later.  How awful and hurtful. 

Edited November 7, 2016 by Forget-me-not

[Wabi Sabi]

Obligatory other.

I work overnights as a caregiver to someone with disabilities. I'm able to take little naps/snooze in the recliner here at work during the night, so I choose all of my work clothes based on what is presentable enough to be seen in public but still comfortable enough to sleep in. That generally means leggings, a comfy knit tank top and a sweater, and a soft stretchy bra with no underwires. Or I'll wear a camisole with a built in shelf bra under a sweater. I'm fairly large chested, but wearing a sweater covers everything up anyhow. 

If I'm wearing a "real" bra then that sucker comes off the moment I walk in the front door, LOL. 

[Tree Frog]

I would like to say that I can't imagine gossiping/judging a woman who did not wearing a bra to sleep, but I grew up in a church culture that taught girls of B cup or more to wear two bras so that they wouldn't "tempt" men. So, I'm saddened to hear your story, but not surprised, OP.

 

The funny thing is that's totally not the way this church is. I've never heard of dressing modestly at this church. I think it was just something to make fun of me about. 

[Tree Frog]

I do not wear a bra unless I am going out in public. I don't wear a bra when sleeping.

 

I'd be really upset and confused that the teens latched onto that. I don't understand the mentality of the pastor who shared that information with your husband. How strange.

 

This is the first ministerial job our young 20 something associate pastor has had. He's overall a very nice man, but he's inexperienced and young.There has been an increased amount of discord in the church recently and he's part of the reason for it. I don't believe he had any bad intentions other than perhaps to warn us that things may not be as they seem.

[rose]

I wear one to bed. I'm in a stage of life where I'm either pregnant or nursing and it's just more comfortable. You all may have bOOks but I've got magazines. Mine are so floppy and saggy that I could put them in my belt if I didn't use a magazine stand. I don't like them sweating against my belly. When I'm nursing I'll leak out of the unused side if they're not held up. Bras just make my life much better. I had no idea that I was such an outlier.

Edited November 7, 2016 by Rose M

[Lizzie in Ma]

I can't imagine sleeping in it, I rip it off the second I walk in the door.

[kiwik]

No I usually take mine off as soon as I am sure I am home for the day and skip it in the weekends when I am home (I do put one on if I go out or pop over to see my older male neighbour). My bras are industrial strength wired jobs and really aren't that comfortable.