Oh boy! Need some insight on what happened today... (long)

[Dianne-TX]

Be forewarned, this is LONG, sorry....

(Also, I didn't go back over it and edit it, so I apologize for any typos and grammatical errors, I was in a hurry.) Thanks in advance for reading and offering your insight.

 

This morning my dd5 comes to my bed after she got up saying the front door was opened. My dh always locks it when he leaves early for work, so I knew something wasn't right. The door was slightly opened. I looked in ds7 room and he wasn't there. When I go back to the door, my ds7 is coming up the sidewalk dressed with a backpack on his back! He left this morning without saying a thing to me! He wasn't gone long because I heard him go to the bathroom, but it was at least 20-30 minutes. I asked him what he was doing and he started crying and finally said he left because he didn't want to do school today. He said he saw his daily list and then packed up and left. I asked him where he was going and he said he was going to stay gone all day and then come back. I haven't a clue where this idea came from or what he was thinking! It is so out of character for him. He's never done ANYTHING like this. We talked for a long time about his choice and the seriousness of it and how it could have turned out. I talked to him about what God would think of his decision and how quitting is turning your back on God and telling him He isn't doing a good enough job. (We are a conservative Christian family) I also told him that everyone has to do things they really don't want to do, but they don't get to just leave because they don't want to do it. I asked him if he thought Daddy should make the same choice and decide he didn't want to work anymore and what would happen if he chose to do that. I told him about homeless people and people on welfare who choose not to work or gain an education and what kind of life they have. I went all over the map talking to him about what he did. I, of course, reminded him and told him how much we love him and we would be very, very sad and scared if he wasn't here. I told him how he scared his little sister when she saw the door open and then we couldn't find him. If it related to this situation, I said it. He has also been doing school work ALL DAY. He hasn't had free time or play time, just school work. He had breakfast, lunch and a snack, but it was while he worked. I am showing him how "bad" he really has it. The thing is, we haven't had "school" since last Wed. due to our regular day out, a fun play day at the park with friends on Friday and then a fun filled weekend. We didn't do "school" on Monday either because we had pictures and then we stayed and played at the park where we had pictures. So, that's 5 days without "school" and full of play and down time. I reminded him of that. I asked him what was so bad about our school that he had to leave and he said it takes so long. Ladies, our full time spent on school work is about 3-4 hours, that's it, and there's fun included too sometimes! I even break it up with outside and free time, so he doesn't do it all in one sitting. What is going on with him????? I think about it and I'm so confused and baffled that this happened. It just doesn't make sense that he would do that. He isn't a "brave" kid. In fact, he said he came home because he got scared. I keep thinking of all the scenarios that could have occurred. I'm concerned too because he hasn't showed remorse or brokenness, aside from crying earlier when it happened, today for his choice. I asked him earlier if he liked doing our school this way or the way we always do it and he said the way we always do it. Other than that, he hasn't said anything to me about what he did nor has he apologized. We plan on talking to him tonight when Daddy gets home. Here are my questions to you, if you've read this far...

 

What should we say that maybe we haven't said?

 

Would you spank for this?

 

What is the psychoanalysis of what he did? Is there something deeper that we're not seeing? Is he acting out from something else?

 

Is he showing that he doesn't like being homeschooled and should we consider a different educational route for him? Is homeschooling going to strain our relationship? I know there will be issues with other routes of education too, though.

(Just for some background, he has always been an easily frustrated, perfectionist type student. He is difficult to get along with sometimes and I haven't always been the perfect mother for him, but nothing ongoing. We've had our moments like anyone. I just don't know if he is rebelling against me.)

 

I'm sure there are more questions, but I just can't think of them right now.

 

If you've read this far, THANK YOU. I'm grasping for any other wisdom that I haven't gained. Thanks for praying too.

[Pammy]

7yo too. Although I admit she didn't leave the house, she throws a tantrum when we have to sit down and do book work. I really miss the relaxed homeschooler I used to be with my oldest. I just wish I could still do that now. It is a lot of pressure on a 7yo to sit for 3-4 hours and do school. I remember how much time I got to play and do fun stuff during the early years at home with my mom. School was a big adjustment for me. I hated it (it didn't help that my K teacher threatened to chop my thumb off with the paper cutter)!

 

Anyway, I don't know if I would spank for that, though I would be sure to have him talk with dad and go over what would happen if he ever tried that again. I scare my kids with stories of what happened to me in my childhood, though I don't want to turn them into worry-warts either.

[kalanamak]

When I was seven, I thought up and planned a run away to a street with the same name as my brother, who'd gone off to college. I packed, everything. I turned back when I got cold. I don't think anyone ever knew.

 

I wouldn't turn this into more than 7 year old-think.

Edited October 15, 2008 by kalanamak

[LizzyBee]

Honestly, I think most kids consider running away sometimes and many kids actually do leave just like your son. You've talked to him and imposed consequences and I would let it go now. I'd wake up tomorrow and have a normal day.

 

I'm a CC, too, but I wouldn't necessarily expect my 7 yo to show a great degree of repentance over something like this. I might think she should, but she probably wouldn't. I would not continue to talk, punish, etc. just to force her to show repentance, because then it's contrived rather than genuine. And really, I don't think most 7 yos will fully grasp all the bad things that could have happened or the fear that a parent feels when s/he can't a child, so they may not understand why it's such a big deal.

 

I'm glad your son got scared and came home! That means that even though he wasn't looking forward to school today, he knows that home is a safe place. I know how scared I've been when a child has disappeared - it's not a fun feeling!

[Alenee]

First :grouphug:! I can only imagine how frightening that was. I think you've already said all there is to say but I personally would reinforce how sad you'd have been had anything happened to him and hug and cuddle him a little closer tonight. I'd also remind him that you are someone he can trust with his feelings and to come to you and talk things out rather than running away. And then I'd drop it. We can't force our kid's hearts to feel what they do not. If he isn't sorry, I know that stinks but it seems deeper than a child being defiant. Initially, my feelings after reading this thread are not of seeing a disobedient child but one who was scared of what a long school day looked like. I might feel differently if I could've heard his tone, seen his reaction to your talk, etc.

[Aggie]

Our ds is 7 and I can see him doing this. :) Have you quit shaking yet? Yikes! That would have scared me to death!

 

(Write this all down some where, because in 20 years, this will be hysterical!)

 

Maybe he sees his dad leave everyday and just thinks that's the answer to his problems. Escaping.

 

We probably wouldn't spank for this because in his mind, it wasn't outright defiance, ya know? There's a fine line there, in my mind, but he was *avoiding* something that he deems unpleasant. Unless you've said, "Don't leave the house before Mom gets up....", he probably doesn't see that he disobeyed because they are so literal at this age.

 

As far as remorse, our ds wouldn't show any in this situation if nothing was broken and there was no blood shed. And as far as not having school in 5-6 days, my ds has no concept of time yet. What is important is what is *right now*.

 

Your talk was probably sufficient. He knows that you love him and want to protect him and you can't do that if he leaves home. You may want to repeat this chat a few times in the near future, too. Make sure that he knows to discuss major life decisions with you first. :)

 

hth a bit,

Aggie

Edited October 14, 2008 by Aggie

[JennifersLost]

What's confusing to me about this is that I did a pretty full-on WTM program with my 7 year olds and it took all of an hour, maybe two to do....

 

Now, with the knowledge I have gained over the years, I would cut that down - maybe an hour of "desk work" and the rest would be read-alouds, movies, fun projects and cooking.

 

Why does your seven year old have so much work? Or is it really not work - are you cramming in too much "fun" stuff?

 

I'm really not trying to make anyone defensive. We all tend to get very gung ho at the beginning....but those first few years the kids absorb so much by just getting to do the fun stuff, you know?

 

Maybe you'd like to hear how other parents' workloads for young kids stack up to yours to get a comparison?

[Retired]

I wouldn't spank. I have a now 15 yo perfectionist. He would look at his assignment and decide it was to hard or to long. The perfectionist can never please themselves and it starts at a young age.

 

My guy is older now but even when younger I gave him some control over the assignment. How many math problems can you do without stressing out.

 

This really helped him. He is still a perfectionist. His papers are slow coming and meticulous. He will erase all his math scratch work so his paper is perfect.

 

I think your little one was showing his stress level. He feels like he can't do it all. I understand he needs to cover everything but it seems to be overwhelming him.

 

I don't think he is rebelling against you but just doesn't know how to verbalize his stress.

 

Just my thoughts. My perfectionist has been the hardest to raise.

[dawn of ns]

Okay, I think you need to make some popcorn and have some alone time with him and just let him talk. That's really the only way to find out what his reasoning was. You might want to share that you were frightened when you realized he had been out alone but otherwise, just listen. I think you need to because this is obviously serious enough that he's willing to walk out the door despite being scared (He IS brave. That's pretty courageous right there :))

 

Be careful about going too heavy on the talk about hurting God or about what's expected of his father. I dealt with similar talk as a kid. It is so heavy to be 7 and realize you've not only disappointed your father but God. You feel doomed. It's so heavy that you don't talk about what's bothering you for fear of doing more damage or revealing more shortcomings.

 

I'm not saying that what he did shouldn't have consequences (although I think you've dealt with that now) but it also needs some talk.

 

Good luck! He does sound like a sweet little guy who may just need a chance to talk. :)

[MicheleB]

What should we say that maybe we haven't said?

 

Would you spank for this?

 

What is the psychoanalysis of what he did? Is there something deeper that we're not seeing? Is he acting out from something else?

 

Is he showing that he doesn't like being homeschooled and should we consider a different educational route for him? Is homeschooling going to strain our relationship? I know there will be issues with other routes of education too, though.

 

 

Hi Dianne,

 

We are a pretty conservative Christian family as well. Here are some of my thoughts, which you are free to take and leave as you want. :)

 

I would *not* spank for this, mainly because it's been so long since it happened (meaning hours have gone by since this morning). If he did do it again, I probably would spank immediately, regardless of his reason. I would be spanking *only* because what he did was extremely dangerous and could have put him in great harm.

 

I would separate the danger/harm issue from the other issues of him not liking school. Two clearly different things going on.

 

Now, here's what I personally think about 7yo old boys and school. 3-4 hours is too long, IMVHO. I have 8 and 9yo boys. A lot of our school is educational games, reading while snuggling together, looking for things on walks, lots of me reading aloud. I don't really want to replicate a formal school setting. That's why I homeschool. I realize not everyone has that same opinion, but I just throw that out there for you to think about.

 

I don't think homeschooling, per se, will strain your relationship. However, I do believe if we exasperate our children (and I'm not saying you are), then we will strain our relationship with them, whether we are homeschooling or not.

 

I would have a nice, comfy, cozy chat with him ONLY about what he doesn't like about homeschooling. IOW, don't bring up the 'running away' part during this talk. Ask him what's hard for him. Does he struggle with academics? Is it truly tortorous for him to sit still and write? I'm thinking out loud here, but at this age, I would do about 15 mins. of math, 15 mins. of writing .... small time segments with LOTS of hands-on stuff and lots of not-sitting-in-your-chair-and-being-quiet-stuff.

 

I love your idea of having him do school all day today. I think that was very appropriate.

 

HTH. :001_smile:

[abbeyej]

Honestly, I think what he did is *very* normal. Not "okay", but I don't think it signals something horribly wrong with him, his life, or your relationship with him.

 

I think you handled it fine, and I doubt he'll ever do it again.

 

Many, many, many kids (I hesitate to say "most", but that could well be true) contemplate, plan, and may even act on "running away" at that age. I think part of it is reaching an age where they *do* have some (small) level or responsibility and independence, and they begin to wonder if they *do* have a choice about their life and how it goes, if they *could* live a totally different life... And the vast majority of them also realize pretty quickly that it was nothing more than a fantasy -- and the either don't make it out the door, or they turn around fairly soon after. The fact that he only planned to run away "for the day" is pretty telling.

 

What I *would* try to do with your little guy is sit down and go over his whole day schedule with him. Write it out. Color code it. Make a pie chart, if you want. Let him have some input on the negotiable details. (For instance, he "has" to do math and grammar, but when would he like to schedule them in the day? Does he think it's important to have a 20 minute mid-morning break to play outside, or would he rather be finished with all of school more quickly?) Maybe he can color code the day so he sees what parts are set aside for school-work, chores, eating, free time...

 

Many children are very comforted by routine and a set schedule -- they know what comes next... Five days off, lovely as it may be, can be pretty disconcerting. My son especially really wants an external schedule and plan -- my daughter seems to have her routine internally, and bounces back a little better from interruptions (even good ones)...

 

I wouldn't spank. (And I'm not absolutely against spanking.) I wouldn't increased the punishment beyond the extensive talking to he has already had. ... But I would work with him on creating a *written* schedule that shows when he has to work -- and when he gets a *break*. And really try to stick with it for a while, as much as life allows. I believe he'll take comfort in that...

[dhudson]

I think many kids have done this a time or two. I know mine have. I have managed to catch them before they did so I got out a bag and started helping them pack. While packing I asked questions. "Where are you planning on going?" "What are you going to eat?" "How long do you think it's going to take to get to Grammy's walking?" "What are you going to do when it gets dark?" "Where are you going to sleep?" "Are you going to talk to strangers?" "What if a stranger wants you to get in their car?" "Do you think you'll miss us? Cause I think I'll miss you." "What shall I tell Daddy when he gets home?" "Where are you going to go potty?" etc.

 

After thinking through the questions, all three of mine, decided that it would be better to stay home. Once they had made their decisions, I explained the dangers of such an act and the consequences that would happen if they went through with it. I think this is a learning lesson and spanking should happen if your child did it again.

 

Take a deep breath and thank God for His protection!

[Heather in the Kootenays]

I wouldn't spank. I have a now 15 yo perfectionist. He would look at his assignment and decide it was to hard or to long. The perfectionist can never please themselves and it starts at a young age.

QUOTE]

 

 

I absolutely agree with this. Perfectionists are hard to parent but they are hardest on themselves. It's a problem that can be devastating if it gets really out of control.

 

I'd talk about how worried you've been about this and how awful it would have been to have discovered him gone. Then I'd try to reduce any stress in his life.

[ma23peas]

I think you should listen to him...

 

Ask him what he does NOT like about school...ask him what he likes about school...come up with a compromise, tell him that it's hard to teach and find that balance and that the next time he wants to walk out with a backpack to come and get you so you can go with him...bring some levity to him....he is feeling overwhelmed and he needs to be reassured that mom's may not always have the right answer, but we can always come up with something better...tweak your homeschool to fit his first two answers...

if he doesn't like math, then compromise, offer just a worksheet 2 days a week and lessons 2 days a week, you don't have to do both 4-5 days a week...if he would rather you read aloud to him for history or other subject, then offer to do that....

I've always had my children have a "ME" subject, for my son at that age it was dinosaurs...we had a special book that I would draw whatever dinosaur he chose and he'd write the name and color it, or vice versa, he'd draw it and I'd add a lot of detail in coloring it....it was special and had nothing to do with his other subjects...

 

I could easily get school done in kids under 9 with 2 hours a day....we do about 4-5 hours a day and mine are between 9-13..however my 9 year old always finishes her work about an hour before everyone else...

 

Make this a light hearted moment in his life, he doesn't need more frustration from having done the wrong thing..thank him and tell him next time don't pack the back pack just talk to you..I think he doesn't want to disappoint you that's great! But you want him to come to you with concerns...this will get better!

 

Tara

[Starr]

My dc had elaborate plans to run away and live on the school grounds (dd was in ps then) when they were this age. It made me a little nervous when they started packing. I know how scared you must feel but I think it is just a kid thing unless something else is going on. I want to play all day too. :) I'll be praying for you as you work this out .

[Remudamom]

Okay, look, I haven't read all the answers, but I think you're way over-reacting. He's back and he's fine. I would have just told him not to pull that kind of stunt again because it's dangerous, and then dropped it.

 

He's a boy, they get wild hairs like that sometime. Don't overplay it.

 

 

My little brother used to run away all the time. He wouldn't go further than my window, so that I could pass him PB&Js and other treats. He'd sit there for a while, eating, then come in, satisfied that he'd had an adventure. I always thought he was a cool kid.

Edited October 15, 2008 by Remudamom

[keptwoman]

Okay, look, I haven't read all the answers, but I think you're way over-reacting. He's back and he's fine. I would have just told him not to pull that kind of stunt again because it's dangerous, and then dropped it.

 

I think so too. Most kids run away at some point.

 

I also don't understand the point of loading him up with school work as punishment. His point of leaving was that he was overwhelmed. So you overwhelm him more?

[Hen]

I packed up and took off when I was around 4...I wasn't really running away, I decided I wanted to go to school- and I packed up and walked pretty far to the Jr. High school. It was saturday and not open. I walked home and got spanked. I remember my 4 year old thinking was very fuzzy- it wasn't a real 'plan', I didn't think beyond my goal or about danger. I thought the spanking was unfair.

 

I wouldn't spank for this, and I am a conservative/discipline mom...but I think you need to be the warm, fuzzy place to run to- and I think you need to hear what he his trying to tell you.

 

I am homeschooling 2 boys, both age 8 -beside the other 3 kids- and I do way less then what you mentioned. We start school on a really good day at 9, but more likely 10- we work an hour (3 or 4 subjects- 15 minutes each, getting up to move to a new location like the couch, getting up to use the whiteboard...they are not just sitting the whole time) then we have a 15 minute break and snack time and they go out and play, then we are back for another hour, and then we break for lunch. After lunch I might read another story one day or paint a map, or snag each kid one at a time for a 20 minute phonics time..but that is it. I think much more would be just too much for them. Kids need to get up and play and dream and build forts.

 

The academic stuff can get more intense when they get closer to Jr. High...they can catch up easily to all the stuff we feel pressured that they "need" to cover...really.

 

I would suggest that you be a warm place to confide in, and hear him...and change things some so he knows that you heard him. I am not saying throw all school out the window to please him...he has to learn..but change things around, school gently and give him time to not be busy.

 

another mom mentioned a game plan or schedule..it sounds like the schedule you had out- looked like too much to him when he saw it, maybe do a gentle/simple- here is what the flow of the day will look like ,just so he knows what to expect but not intimidating.

 

Something like

 

Circle time

history reading

math

break

spelling

handwriting

lunch

reading

done

 

no being lost in tiny details and by -the- minute, just gentle and flowing. When I say circle time at my house, I am thinking in my head: Greek/latin word study, character story, history story..but I don't write that out, it looks/sounds intimidating- I just start and see how the kids are doing and if it is getting to be too much I leave one of the stories off and move over to the table and start the next subject.

 

I think if you talk about this with dh and pray, and brainstorm together- you will hit on a solution to make things better for your son, while still communicating that learning is important.

 

:grouphug: I am really sorry you had such a scare, and I am glad he was safe!

[Academy of Jedi Arts]

Well if I were your son I would be testing out my boundaries big time to get out of that schoolwork.

 

My dd7 does between 5-6 hours (sometimes more) of work each day. Granted, she is not in 2nd grade, but every day she has a schedule with her work listed on it and she generally picks the order in which it is done. If the work doesn't get done, there are no privileges. I do allow her to assign herself homework. For example today, she helped me with some cooking in between piano class this afternoon and a dance class this evening, so she finished a Latin assignment before bed. Tomorrow, we are going on a fun, educational excursion. That doesn't mean no other work. It means a lighter workload but still some assignments and studying to do when we get home.

 

Remember how hard it was- even as an adult- to go back to work after a 3 day weekend? Well, it can be the same for kids- only they let it out in kid-like ways. If I let my daughter off the hook for an assignment one day, it just sets a precedent that Mommy will excuse assignments in cases other than sickness or other good reason. If her friends want to play at the park, they can do so after school (not a problem since her friends are in school from 8-3:30 also).

 

If I were in your shoes, I would start putting together a schedule, letting your son have some control, but making sure you are the one in charge and making sure he understands it. I would make sure he understands that all kids have to go to school. I would encourage him to look at the work his public school friends bring home and think about how going to school is something ALL kids his age should do and have to do under the law. What are his dreams and goals? The only way to achieve those is through education and discipline. Until he is old enough to discipline himself, Mom is there by his side to help.

[5kidsforME]

I think so too. Most kids run away at some point.

 

I also don't understand the point of loading him up with school work as punishment. His point of leaving was that he was overwhelmed. So you overwhelm him more?

 

She is asking for advice not condemnation.

[Lovedtodeath]

I would have had the same reaction, and the same disciplinary measures. And I understand that you are concerned about his attitude about school work. After all, homeschooling will not work if we do not get our children's cooperation.

 

After reading through this thread (hindsight is 20/20) I agree with Cadam that the main issue to address should be safety, and addressing the other issues takes the focus away. I also think that having 5 days off of school is probably what threw him off. DD gets harder to deal with the easier we take things, and it is really hard to have a good school day after one where we only completed one or two tasks.

 

I think that 3-4 hours of work does sound like an awful lot, see Schedules (Or: When to Ignore The Well-Trained Mind) but I do not think that this is the main issue by a long shot.

[Dianne-TX]

I read all of them and took a deep breath. It helped to know that this is normal for some kids. BTW, he is almost 8, so he's an older 7 year old. I know, I know, he's still 7. We talked to him tonight and we came up with another schedule for tomorrow that I let him make. Funny, he only took two things away that he normally does and they are things that don't take very long to do at all. Here is a breakdown of our schedule just fyi...

 

Wake up

Morning chores (few)

Breakfast

Outside time for one hour

Math, Reading, Grammar, Spelling, Handwriting, Copywork (we combined these because he asked to do it all at one time and get it all done)

Lunch and poetry memorization

Prairie Primer (which is basically reading aloud the Little House books and answering questions and they color a picture related to the chapter that day or do a fun, age appropriate activity)

Free time the rest of the day!

 

We go on field trips and go to the park several times a month. Plus, I had already decided to have a three week on, one week off schedule this year and the off week would be the last week of the month.

 

Every evening we play as a family, read aloud and do a lot of fun things as a family. Weekends are the same. I feel like we balance things well. When I say we do school for 3-4 hours it includes fun stuff too, not just seatwork, and it might not be that long. We are basically doing scheduled things from 11-2, but that includes lunch. We don't even do formal History or Science yet, just read books on those subjects. But, having him make his own schedule tonight really seemed to help. He showed excitement and put his schedule in his room so he would have it in the morning. He was smiling and you could tell he was relieved. I realized he likes variety and change from time to time like I do. I wish I could have caught onto that before he decided to scare me today!

[Jean in Newcastle]

Dianne, it sounds like you've come up with a great plan. I'm glad that he's excited about his new schedule! :grouphug:

[Rosie_0801]

Most kids run away at some point.

 

:iagree: And it could have been worse. My mother kicked me out of home twice, when I was 2! The first time, I stood there and cried until she let me in. Evidently wiser the second time, I turned and started off down the road. Then Mum panicked and brought me back inside.

I'm sure your chat has impressed your son a great deal. I doubt he'll do any such thing again. My mother obviously learnt too, since she didn't try it a third time.

Rosie

[KidsHappen]

My mother was smarter than the average bear though and told me that if I was going to go I had to take everything I owned with me. She then put all of it on the front porch. It didn't take me very long to realize that there was no way I could carry it all with me. I sat out front and fumed a while and then went back inside. I never did try to run away again.

 

I agree with other that 3-4 hours of school work sounds a little heavy for a 7 yr. old. My 9 years old has about 1 hour of seat work and then maybe another hour of science and history which is me reading to her and doing fun science projects. She does independent reading of her own choice at night. My older dc managed all of their seat work in two hours from about 5th grade until high school.

[Hen]

It sounds like you hit on a good solution.

 

High-five mom!:001_smile:

[dawn of ns]

We talked to him tonight and we came up with another schedule for tomorrow that I let him make. Funny, he only took two things away that he normally does and they are things that don't take very long to do at all.

 

Good! It may have been that those two thing were sort of the last traw or that he couldn't figure out the value of them and that frustrated him. Who knows!

 

I wish I could have caught onto that before he decided to scare me today!

 

Sometimes they need to get extreme to get our attention. :001_smile: One thing I now do with my daughter is talk to her about the school work is going every few weeks. What she likes or doesn't like for instance. Sometimes I can change it so it works better or at least explain why I think she needs to do it so gets an idea of why she's doing it. Maybe have that talk over popcorn once a month or so.

 

Anyhow, you've done a great job with him!

[Alice]

My almost 5 yr old did this 2 weeks ago...he didn't want to do school, which is not a big deal given his age. But he was being really rude so I gave him a time out for being rude. He doesn't like being disciplined (I think he's a bit of a perfectionist) and so he started walking around the house packing several backpacks. He got pajamas, all the blankets off his and his brother's bed, toys, a book, etc. One funny thing is he was going to take his 2 yr old brother with him. I was prettty much ignoring him until he went outside and got in the car. (Did he think I was going to drive him somewhere?) Then I made him come back in and we talked about how that wasn't ok because it wasn't safe. Another funny thing was I asked him where he was going and he answered to his best friend's house. His best friend is 6 and is homeschooled. I pointed out to him that his friend was doing SCHOOL, but the irony was lost on him. :)

 

I told this story at my work that day and every single person there with older kids had a similar story. Especially with boys, for some reason.

 

ETA: I hadn't seen that you posted again and had talked to him and come up with a good solution. Seems like you handled it well.

[Scarlett]

 

Maybe he sees his dad leave everyday and just thinks that's the answer to his problems. Escaping.

 

Yep. Some days as I see dh driving away I think of it this way....'hmmmm he gets to escape, while I have to go scrub toilets.'

[mommy2be]

It sounds like you may be over-reacting a tad bit...

 

You've got to take a step back for a second and think of it from his point of view... of course running away is very scary for a parent and tons of bad things could have happened - but be grateful that they didn't!

 

To a little boy who has had nothing but fun for five days straight of course school work is going to be really really hard to jump back in to! Even me, as an adult, hates going back to work after a vacation, or even the weekend! And you have to remember that everything is ten times more dramatic as a young child.

 

I honestly don't think there are any underlying issues, he's fine! You're fine! He simply didn't want to do school work after five days of fun! Can you blame him?

 

And like everyone has said - running away is common, and it was his easy way out!

 

Again, just be grateful that nothing happened, and I'm sure you covered everything that you needed to say to him. For the future, after a break from school you may want to ease him back in, or at least remind him a few times during days off that he will be doing school work again soon... so it's not *fun fun* and then *work work* - maybe there is a better way to transition...?

[Scarlett]

It sounds like you may be over-reacting a tad bit...

 

You've got to take a step back for a second and think of it from his point of view... of course running away is very scary for a parent and tons of bad things could have happened - but be grateful that they didn't!

 

To a little boy who has had nothing but fun for five days straight of course school work is going to be really really hard to jump back in to! Even me, as an adult, hates going back to work after a vacation, or even the weekend! And you have to remember that everything is ten times more dramatic as a young child.

 

I honestly don't think there are any underlying issues, he's fine! You're fine! He simply didn't want to do school work after five days of fun! Can you blame him?

 

And like everyone has said - running away is common, and it was his easy way out!

 

Again, just be grateful that nothing happened, and I'm sure you covered everything that you needed to say to him. For the future, after a break from school you may want to ease him back in, or at least remind him a few times during days off that he will be doing school work again soon... so it's not *fun fun* and then *work work* - maybe there is a better way to transition...?

 

 

I agree with this post totally. I know it scared you, but remember he is 7! It is a miracle any kid reaches adulthood with all the dumb and dangerous things they do, but most make it. Yours will too. :) He sounds perfectly normal to me.

 

I also think 4 hours is too much school work. My ds is 8 and I'm only up to about 3 full hours.

 

We always have a difficult time getting back into school after several days off. It is normal.

 

The thing to remember for future reference is to not over react to this sort of thing. A stern talk about the dangers of leaving the house alone would have been enough. When he said he did it because he didn't want to do school I would have said, 'yeah, I know how you feel, I didn't want to cook breakfast this morning either, but life goes on.'

 

FWIW, my ds was barely 4 when he began sneaking out of the house in the middle of the night. We were terrified! It was a horrible few months and I know we handled some of it all wrong...so don't beat yourself up...Live and Learn and here---have a

 

:grouphug:

[Joanne]

{{many hugs}}

 

It's a scary, humbling and overwhelming moment when a young child "runs away". Remember, good parenting isn't characterized by not having that happen; it's how you parent in those very moments that help determine your parenting.

 

Kids don't think like adults; and I think you may be putting too much "on" him in terms of motive.

 

It's also important to remember that you can't punish a child into keeping themselves safe. You can't, for example, spank a 2 year old child for running into the street, and then leave the child alone near a street. They don't "get" the dangers.

 

It's the same here. You can talk to your 7 year old about the dangers, but he won't "get" it. He won't get it if you punish him, either. You can't punish them into maturity, more impulse control or a higher level of congitive understanding.

 

Hug him. Tell him *you've* had similar feelings (when you were little - don't make him insecure about your actions now). Tell him it's normal to have those feelings but you need to coach him on how to *appropriately and safely* deal with them.

 

There are parents here of perfectionistic kids; seek their advice.

 

Consider scaling school back a bit. :chillpill:

 

Build routine around chores, meals, hygiene, school, play.

 

I'm a believer in Lord Jesus as my personal Savior but I'd gently recommend you not make this about "sin" or displeasing God. Indeed, if he EVER makes choices again in your absence, he needs to know he can call on God; he should not be made to fear seeking Him.