Settle a toilet disagreement for me (Update in post 1)

[Katy]

We moved into a mid century ranch house.  The toilets overflow frequently. As in don't poop without flushing before wiping frequently.  And oh, don't use more than two bits of Charmin either.  They also waste a ton of water, I'm guessing the tanks hold more than 5 gallons each, because if you flush with nothing in the toilet, the bowl fills, empties, and gurgles at the bottom two or three times.

 

I think we should replace the toilets with the no-clog low-water kind that cost a couple hundred dollars.  When I talked to my mom about this, she offered to buy new toilets for me.  I declined, and said DH is just being cheap.

 

DH didn't call me spoiled exactly, but says these sorts of toilets are normal and this is the way most people live, and then tried to school me in faster plunging technique.   I think he's being ridiculous, and this is definitely not the way most people live.  Who's right?

 

 

 

 

If it matters, we have more than enough money to replace both without having to dip into savings, but DH has other ideas with what to do with that money.  I want to replace them before my period starts. I'm already anticipating one overflowing, bloody mess, me sobbing, and needing to tear up the carpet in the hallway if we don't switch at least one soon.  Also there is CLEAR and DISGUSTING evidence in the basement that both toilets overflow quite frequently and that the toilets were never properly caulked.  There are white and brown stains all over some exposed pipes and ducts in the basement that are right below both the toilets.  I can't believe I never noticed those during the home inspections.  I'll never miss that again.

 

Update!  I have new toilets!  We'll probably install them tomorrow.  DH agreed mostly because I was so adamant, but on the way to pick them up he admitted he had no idea they were as bad as I was describing.   Apparently he wasn't listening every time I complained about them in the past few weeks.  And apparently he hasn't had such a problem.  In fact, from the timing of the issue, I sort of wonder if it isn't that he is the problem.  He sits down to do his business, and the next person to use that toilet (whichever one it is) is the one with the overflow situation. So regardless, victory!  Thanks everyone for taking my side.

Edited June 8, 2016 by Katy

[Slache]

Oh my gosh replace them now. Seriously. You're going to save money and sanity so just do it.

[bolt.]

Well, to be specific and overly literal in my interpretations...

 

"Demanding" anything is always "spoiled" and, yes, "most people" (worldwide) live with your level of sanitation or poorer.

 

On the other hand, going with the most normal interpretation of your questions...

 

"Most people" who are homeowners, who are middle-class-ish, who have Internet access, and library cards, and TV -- "most people" in that category also have toilets in that category... That don't overflow and clog daily.

 

If you are people who have most of those things, you aren't spoiled to want functional toilets that don't have to be babied along to fulfil their function. If we're being cheap, I'd rather live without a lot of other middle-class-ish things instead of living with barely functional sanitation. Especially with children!

Edited June 7, 2016 by bolt.

[SparklyUnicorn]

You aren't being unreasonable.

 

 

[SparklyUnicorn]

You are going to cause a lot more damage if you don't figure something out.  That's going to cost a lot more money than replacing the toilets.  Your husband is not being reasonable.

 

 

[sassenach]

Ask dh how he plans to handle house guests. Plunger lessons? Tp rationing?

[MysteryJen]

Toilets are used every day and therefore take priority over any other home improvement. We just bought a mid-century house and I almost walked away over a sewer line repair.

Dh and I have many disagreements over how to spend home improvement money, but I bet if you went on vacation and he had to spend 24/7 in the house plunging toilets, you would come home to new ones.

[Mbelle]

Do you have septic or sewer?

 

 

[Farrar]

I chose once, but it's actually been twice. Several times seemed like too many for my whole lifetime.

 

Replace those toilets. That's not right.

[JustEm]

Gross. This is a situation in which I'd be buying and installing the toilets myself when dh was at work if he refused to do it and disagreed with me after actual discussion of the damage it is doing to the house. Regular overflows are not normal. It is ruining the house and will overtime cost more money to fix.

[Katy]

We're on a city sanitation system, we had the pipes scoped in the inspection, they were normal, wide, and empty.  This is a crappy toilet situation.

[SparklyUnicorn]

Oh and maybe an adult can manage the crazy plunging technique, but what about your kids?  Once in awhile we have to plunge.  My kids don't so easily grasp the concept.  Our toilets are such a way though that even if they fill up, they still don't tend to overflow so I have some time to get to it.  My kids just let me know when that happens, and I plunge it. 

 

 

[JustEm]

It may not even be the toilets though. It could be an issue with the sewer line or septic system if you have that.

[bolt.]

I think your DH is probably just still suffering from sticker shock on the house.

 

He's possibly feeling a bit like, "Hundreds of thousands is enough! Not a penny more!" Or maybe, "We just sunk an incomprehensible amount of money into this luxurious home, and I don't want to aknowkedge any feeling that it isn't 'good enough' in any way."

 

That's a really normal reaction to having recently swallowed and processed the colossal-feeling price of a home. It needs some space and understanding.

 

I suggest letting him settle, and aknowkeging that of course it is not that massive of an inconvenience, considering all the benefits and goodness of the home -- but, really, the cost of changing is negligible compared to what might need to be changed if your family keeps up the possibility of water damaging the structure itself. Tell him that "not having to deal directly with sewage on a daily basis" is your idea of a great gift to his wife, and you'd love to count new toilets against your next birthday and Christmas gifts.

[wendy not in HI]

That stinks! What a bummer! ;) Replace the toilets!! And in the mean time, make sure everyone in the house knows how to turn off the water at the back of the toilet. Anytime the water rises, the first thing to do is turn off the water, don't plunge first. plunge after.

Edited June 7, 2016 by wendy not in HI

[SparklyUnicorn]

It may not even be the toilets though. It could be an issue with the sewer line or septic system if you have that.

 

This is true.

 

If the water pressure is low something could be clogged.  You could try an anti clogging product for toilets to see if it helps.  We used one on one of the toilets and it did help.  We haven't bothered to try and replace that toilet yet because it doesn't get used much.  We have three bathrooms and we mostly only use 2 of them.

[SparklyUnicorn]

Oh and FWIW, my husband says Americans can't manage to make good toilets.  LOL  He said the toilets in Germany rarely clog.  They are different.  He curses our stupid toilets and I'd say compared with other toilets I've dealt with over the years they are better than average without being special types of toilets.

 

 

[Angie in VA]

Disclosures: I usually avoid taking sides b/t a DH and DW even in the cyber world. When I do take sides, I am honest and don't just side w/ the woman because I am a woman. 

 

All that said, I'm on Team Katy.

 

This overflowing problem is neither normal nor sanitary.  :ack2:  I would definitely replace the toilets, as in today. 

 

 

[wendyroo]

Do you have a Habitat for Humanity Restore near you?  You could get a newer toilet there for very little money.  It would probably not be top of the line, but it would be a big step up from where you are now.

 

Wendy

[Katy]

I think your DH is probably just still suffering from sticker shock on the house.

 

He's possibly feeling a bit like, "Hundreds of thousands is enough! Not a penny more!" Or maybe, "We just sunk an incomprehensible amount of money into this luxurious home, and I don't want to aknowkedge any feeling that it isn't 'good enough' in any way."

 

That's a really normal reaction to having recently swallowed and processed the colossal-feeling price of a home. It needs some space and understanding.

 

I suggest letting him settle, and aknowkeging that of course it is not that massive of an inconvenience, considering all the benefits and goodness of the home -- but, really, the cost of changing is negligible compared to what might need to be changed if your family keeps up the possibility of water damaging the structure itself. Tell him that "not having to deal directly with sewage on a daily basis" is your idea of a great gift to his wife, and you'd love to count new toilets against your next birthday and Christmas gifts.

Hah.  He already bought himself a present for his birthday that cost more than two toilets combined, and his birthday isn't for months!  I think this is really just that he grew up with a cheap dad.  A generous dad, but a cheap one, who refused to replace similar, though slightly more functional, toilets.

 

This is true.

 

If the water pressure is low something could be clogged.  You could try an anti clogging product for toilets to see if it helps.  We used one on one of the toilets and it did help.  We haven't bothered to try and replace that toilet yet because it doesn't get used much.  We have three bathrooms and we mostly only use 2 of them.

 

The water pressure is fine.  What anti-clogging product?

[Cinder]

Yes, I've had toilets overflow--back in the day when toilets used . . . what? . . . 5 gallons to flush. (I just made that number up, but you know what I mean). Our new toilets will plug up if one uses too much tp but it's unusual for it to overflow. The tank puts out just enough water to fill the bowl to just under the rim. That's just how they work nowadays. I would insist on new toilets. Sorry you're getting resistance; my dh would also see the logic in getting new ones. Who wants to frantically plunge hoping they got it right and that the toilet won't overflow? And will you train any guests in proper plunging techniques?  :001_unsure: 

[QueenCat]

You need new toilets...... TEAM KATY!

[gardenmom5]

it might be the toilet - but it might also be your sewage pipes.

[Scarlett]

This is a case where if you didn't have the  money I would say let your mom buy them as offered!  But you do have the money and yes it is a very. big. deal.  We had similar issues in our 35 year old house.....dh replaced both toilets with the Champion 4 from Lowes.  They were only $140 I think and we have not had one single problem since.  

 

I would 100 times more rather go out back and use an outhouse than have a toilet that overflows. That is just so disgusting beyond belief.  

[Scarlett]

Btw, we have septic and it was not our septic....just old toilets.  As long as the tub isn't backing up or the sinks....especially when you are doing laundry....then it is probably just your toilets.

[MysteryJen]

I think your DH is probably just still suffering from sticker shock on the house.

 

He's possibly feeling a bit like, "Hundreds of thousands is enough! Not a penny more!" Or maybe, "We just sunk an incomprehensible amount of money into this luxurious home, and I don't want to aknowkedge any feeling that it isn't 'good enough' in any way."

 

That's a really normal reaction to having recently swallowed and processed the colossal-feeling price of a home. It needs some space and understanding.

 

I suggest letting him settle, and aknowkeging that of course it is not that massive of an inconvenience, considering all the benefits and goodness of the home -- but, really, the cost of changing is negligible compared to what might need to be changed if your family keeps up the possibility of water damaging the structure itself. Tell him that "not having to deal directly with sewage on a daily basis" is your idea of a great gift to his wife, and you'd love to count new toilets against your next birthday and Christmas gifts.

You are much kinder than I. I would be absolutely livid if Dh told me new toilets (unless they came with a new housekeeper) were my Christmas or birthday present. There are lots of things that need to be postponed or compromised on in moving into a new house. Working toilets are not one of those things.

Can you tell I have these sorts of conversations nearly every day?

[ktgrok]

I'd go to the store and buy new toilets today. I firmly believe this is one of those situations where a wife has to put her foot down. There aren't many, but this would be one of them. I'd pay to have them delivered if need be, but they'd be waiting there to be installed. Then I'd ask if he wants me to hire someone to install them or does he want to do it?

 

And hiring someone, by the way, is not a cop out. My husband ended up with TWO inguinal hernias after installing our last toilet. The surgery to fix them cost a lot more than hiring a younger, more skilled person to do it for us. He will not be installing anymore toilets. Ever. 

[sassenach]

I would probably ask forgiveness rather than permission in this situation. Just do it.

[Catalytic]

I would NOT recommend low flow toilets, or the newfangled stupid ones with two buttons (one for pee, one for poo). I know nothing of no-clog toilets, but these stupid (I have multiple strong, loud curse words I use several times a day for them IRL) toilets clog all.the.everloving.fracking.time. Like...every damn time someone pees, and I have a house of all males except me and it STILL clogs with no toilet paper. (It, means all 3 of these stupid toilets in my current house)

[shawthorne44]

Hah.  He already bought himself a present for his birthday that cost more than two toilets combined, and his birthday isn't for months!  I think this is really just that he grew up with a cheap dad.  A generous dad, but a cheap one, who refused to replace similar, though slightly more functional, toilets.

 

 

The water pressure is fine.  What anti-clogging product?

 

 

In that case, just buy the toilets and hire a plumber.   When the first toilet is removed have the plumber look for rot under the toilet.   Or maybe, yank one toilet yourself to look for rot before you pay to have a plumber come out.  

[Jean in Newcastle]

It may not even be the toilets though. It could be an issue with the sewer line or septic system if you have that.

 

Yes.  I would suspect a clog or issue further down in the sewer line - not the toilet.  So I don't think that wanting a new toilet is spoiled, but I think that it might be a waste of money and might not fix the problem.  Has anyone (your dh or a plumber) snaked the lines? 

[Spryte]

No. That is absolutely not the way most people live.

[magnificent_baby]

I have the same issue. It is SO frustrating. It's not normal to plunge nearly every time. In my house, it helps to hold the handle down slightly longer than normal. Also, I cannot buy Cottonelle, as much as I love it, it's just too thick. I'm thinking Charmin does the same thing. Kirkland works okay, but borderline. AngelSoft is fine. I've even had plumbers out (not helpful at all, he didn't do anything), but did recommend an acid based cleaner that cleans out the tiny holes to allow as much as water as possible in the bowel when flushing. I bought it at a hardware store but haven't used it yet, it has so many warnings on it, I was afraid, LOL. 

 

You aren't spoiled, it's incredibly maddening! 

 

ETA: I haven't replaced them because the plumber warned me that new ones are even more of a problem due to using less water. If you replace get ones with the most water usage per flush. 

Edited June 7, 2016 by magnificent_baby

[Katy]

I sent him a text saying I was researching toilets today because I have PMS & don't want to deal with blood + overflow.  That seemed to make him much more cooperative.

 

Or maybe he talked about it to someone at work who reinforced the idea that he's being unreasonable.  The last time we were on such opposite sides of an issue that's what happened.  Actually I think the guy said his wife would divorce him over such nonsense. DH told me six months later.

[MFG]

Just an FYI: You can stop a toilet that about to overflow. Remove the tank cover and manually push down the flapper to stop the flush. No more water will flow into the bowl to cause an overflow.

[shawthorne44]

I would NOT recommend low flow toilets, or the newfangled stupid ones with two buttons (one for pee, one for poo). I know nothing of no-clog toilets, but these stupid (I have multiple strong, loud curse words I use several times a day for them IRL) toilets clog all.the.everloving.fracking.time. Like...every damn time someone pees, and I have a house of all males except me and it STILL clogs with no toilet paper. (It, means all 3 of these stupid toilets in my current house)

 

Aren't low-flow all that is allowed anymore?   I thought I heard about a black-market in non-low flow toilets.  

 

I had a plumber explain the problem with low-flow toilets.   If they are good, they do a fine job of getting the stuff TO the drain, but not so good at pushing it along.  This isn't a problem if the drain has a frequently used shower/bath upstream of the drain.   But, if the low-flow toilet is the first thing on the drain line ...

 

Speaking of which, Katy, I wouldn't cheap out on the toilets you buy.  LAST thing you want is a problem with them,.  

[shawthorne44]

I sent him a text saying I was researching toilets today because I have PMS & don't want to deal with blood + overflow.  That seemed to make him much more cooperative.

 

Or maybe he talked about it to someone at work who reinforced the idea that he's being unreasonable.  The last time we were on such opposite sides of an issue that's what happened.  Actually I think the guy said his wife would divorce him over such nonsense. DH told me six months later.

 

When DH is being completely unreasonable, I will tell him to poll some other people.  Hearing, "Dude, what were you thinking?" from his soccer buddies makes him see the light.  

[ktgrok]

I sent him a text saying I was researching toilets today because I have PMS & don't want to deal with blood + overflow.  That seemed to make him much more cooperative.

 

Or maybe he talked about it to someone at work who reinforced the idea that he's being unreasonable.  The last time we were on such opposite sides of an issue that's what happened.  Actually I think the guy said his wife would divorce him over such nonsense. DH told me six months later.

 

OMG, I'm laughing so hard. I think menstrual blood is definitely the way to convince him. Perhaps a screenshot from The Shining would seal the deal. 

[The Governess]

No question, they need to be replaced.

 

We bought a Kohler low-flow toilet 6 months ago... It hasn't had to be plunged even once (and our old one clogged all the time).

[Katy]

Yes.  I would suspect a clog or issue further down in the sewer line - not the toilet.  So I don't think that wanting a new toilet is spoiled, but I think that it might be a waste of money and might not fix the problem.  Has anyone (your dh or a plumber) snaked the lines? 

It's not.  All other drains in the house are fine.  We had the inspection and video snaked the lines because some sort of pipe that collapses and needs replacing is common in this area.  The pipes were either replaced previously or they chose very wide, high end pipe when they built the house, because they were completely clear.  The plumber that made the video said he'd only seen pipes this good in a house this old once before.  He pumped water into the pipes to make sure they functioned correctly on video. The house was sitting empty for several months.  We moved in about 8 days after the inspections, and the trouble began with the very first flush.

 

I would NOT recommend low flow toilets, or the newfangled stupid ones with two buttons (one for pee, one for poo). I know nothing of no-clog toilets, but these stupid (I have multiple strong, loud curse words I use several times a day for them IRL) toilets clog all.the.everloving.fracking.time. Like...every damn time someone pees, and I have a house of all males except me and it STILL clogs with no toilet paper. (It, means all 3 of these stupid toilets in my current house)

I agree.  The more expensive lower flow ones are nearly clog proof though, and while they'll fill to the rim, don't overflow.

 

In that case, just buy the toilets and hire a plumber.   When the first toilet is removed have the plumber look for rot under the toilet.   Or maybe, yank one toilet yourself to look for rot before you pay to have a plumber come out.  

 

I've replaced them myself before.  We can do it, it's just a disagreement about financial priorities.

[Seeking Squirrels]

I had a toilet overflow yesterday and my reaction was "WTH??" No, not something normally dealt with regularly. This instance was caused by both kids visiting the restroom several times in the night and not flushing and by morning there was way too much tp that I did not notice before flushing.

 

Definitely not spoiled to want a functional toilet. It would end up costing more in damage to not replace them. If money was tight I would be replacing one immediately and the other as soon as we could while using only the first. If we could afford it, I would be doing both immediately.

[Arcadia]

For slower and slower water drainage, my kids have tried baking soda and vinegar because it is fun and does help, my hubby tried Lime Away toilet cleaner which works faster than baking soda and vinegar, and my neighbors use Drano for toilet, bathtub, kitchen and bathroom sinks monthly as a prevention/maintenance routine.

[SKL]

If they are overflowing frequently and a replacement is within your budget, do it.  Tell your DH that it's a new toilet now or eventually new floors over and over again, and possibly mold that will make everyone sick.  :/

 

Plunging - a talent I am most proud of.  However, not my favorite thing to do.  Especially since it usually only happens when the toilet is full of yuck.  :/

[Katy]

Yeah, I totally agree with buying the $200-300 less likely to clog toilets, rather than the $49 kind.

[Katy]

OMG, I'm laughing so hard. I think menstrual blood is definitely the way to convince him. Perhaps a screenshot from The Shining would seal the deal. 

 

The shining.  You have me rolling.  :lol:

[Catalytic]

Hmmm, don't know how to quote on my phone LOL.

 

I don't know if all that's available is low flow, I haven't been toilet shopping in a while. But, I'd only seen this type (two buttons) in public bathrooms until we moved into this house, and I will NEVER buy one. The things that poke the flushed get out of alignment every time you sit on the toilet, because it shifts the toilet lid a miniscule amount. And, if you don't want a clog for the next potty guest, you ha e to stand there at least a minute letting water run with both buttons pressed down. They areally truly a nightmare. (I've take to several neighbors, we all have the same toilets, and we all have the same problem with them, so it isn't just us)

[lllll]

nm

Edited June 8, 2016 by _ ?^..

[kewb]

Call a plumber you trust and find out what is wrong. The issue may not be the toilet.

 

No, I don't think it is normal to live like that if you have the means to correct the problem.

[StephanieZ]

Definitely *common* with crappy toilets, but NOT normal. 

 

Replace the toilets. End of discussion. Period. You will be *SO* relieved.

 

One overflow by a visiting kid or a demented old lady who walks away after flushing and doesn't realize what happened can cost *thousands* in damage to floors, cabinetry, etc, let alone the disgust factor of having SHIT contaminate acres of possessions. BTDT, and replaced every last toilet, and haven't had a single overflow or near-miss since then. Happy days!

 

Just do it. DO IT. Now.

[ktgrok]

The shining.  You have me rolling.  :lol:

 

Send him the link to this GIF, and the link to the new toilet. Tell him to pick :)

 

giphy.gif