Costco essay that got girl into ivy league schools

[Farrar]

My impression is that the essay and interview and other such components are often much bigger components when you're talking about grad school, though I suppose it depends on the program. I have the sense that the essay is little more than a way to decide between candidates that are pretty equal for undergrad in many places. I'm sure it depends though...

 

It's interesting how divided we were on this one. I keep thinking about the overwritten feeling I got from the essay. Did people feel it was good writing if it had not been slightly humorous? I mean, for those who really liked it, did the writing only work because you thought it was funny and self-deprecating - sort of parodying the genre of the personal essay and therefore purposefully overdone? Or was the writing just good and the message was what was funny? I kept thinking that individually the sentences were fine (good even) but that together they felt weighty and awkward - and, as I said, so affected and pretentious. It felt to me like one of those essays that probably scores super well on a computer algorithm simply because she used bigger words, not because it was necessarily better.

 

I'm probably being too harsh... In fact, I know I am. I just thought it was surprising that the writing got such praise.

[Arcadia]

I think it is just like sitting through a whole day of HR interviews as a neutral party. If a candidate is lively enough to not sound like a standard script, I'll pay attention and ignore grammar errors since the people could use grammar check on official correspondence anyway.

 

Her first line describes typical two year old behavior of wanting to run lose in somewhere like Costco. I was not expecting perfect sentences describing a childhood experience in a cheeky manner. If everything was written in a serious tone, I might subconciously expect perfect writing.

 

In a way it is kind of like the cover letter in the pre-online job application days. It gets boring reading very similar cover letters after the first 50. It was a temp job for me and paid well so I'm not complaining.

[eternalsummer]

I couldn't finish it either. In addition to just not maintaining my interest, I felt like she overused her handy dandy thesaurus. Maybe her vocabulary is really like that, but it felt very pretentious to me. I think the concept was fun, but the execution left something to be desired. Of course, my opinion is completely irrelevant and she definitely accomplished her goals.

 

I don't see a single word in the essay that reads "Thesaurus" - that is, a word that is technically maybe okay but the connotations are wrong.  I also don't see a word I didn't know, including connotations, in high school.  I don't think she *talks* like that, but writing in sort of a parody/pastiche form works fine if you're familiar enough with the tone and vocab.

[Alice]

It's been awhile but I've been on admissions committees for undergrad, medical school and pediatric residency.  ANYTHING that is funny and reasonably witty and stand-outs is very welcome. Essays are the most boring things in the history of the world to read and it was always such a relief to get one that was somehow different. My experience was that an essay wouldn't get you rejected (unless it was very weird or inappropriate...like the guy that sent in a photo of himself in a Speedo) and it wouldn't get you accepted if you weren't otherwise qualified. But it can make you stand out (rarely in a bad way but more often in a "hey, this person is kind of interesting" way). 

 

 

[Junie]

My impression is that the essay and interview and other such components are often much bigger components when you're talking about grad school, though I suppose it depends on the program. I have the sense that the essay is little more than a way to decide between candidates that are pretty equal for undergrad in many places. I'm sure it depends though...

 

It's interesting how divided we were on this one. I keep thinking about the overwritten feeling I got from the essay. Did people feel it was good writing if it had not been slightly humorous? I mean, for those who really liked it, did the writing only work because you thought it was funny and self-deprecating - sort of parodying the genre of the personal essay and therefore purposefully overdone? Or was the writing just good and the message was what was funny? I kept thinking that individually the sentences were fine (good even) but that together they felt weighty and awkward - and, as I said, so affected and pretentious. It felt to me like one of those essays that probably scores super well on a computer algorithm simply because she used bigger words, not because it was necessarily better.

 

I'm probably being too harsh... In fact, I know I am. I just thought it was surprising that the writing got such praise.

 

  :iagree:

 

I look at essays kind of like figure skating, with two separate scores.  She scores high marks for artistry, but her technical score could use some work, imo.  Personally, I tend to see the technical merits first.  I was a copy editor for the student newspaper while I was in college, and a high school English teacher after that.  If this had been turned into me, my red pen would have been busy.

[maize]

I enjoyed the essay, I think it would have gotten my attention on an admissions committee. It made me smile.

 

Question though, do all those schools she got into take the common app?

[merry gardens]

I googled the person. She (or someone with the same name and an NSF research grant for precollege students) is an author on two scientific publications in biochemistry.

 

It's not the essay. It's the whole package. The essay is the most overhyped part of the application, IMHO.

 

That wouldn't surprise me as the science contained within her essay stood out to me. She demonstrated that she ponders and has understanding of scientific principles as they apply to ordinary experiences like grocery shopping. Strong scientific credentials, along with an ability to demonstrate how science applies to everyday life, may be what stood out to the admission staff.

[Roadrunner]

I thought it was a terrible essay.

 

I am going to have to find an outside advisor for my kid because clearly, I know nothing.

[Hunter]

I read the essay quickly rather than studying it. I didn't think all that much of it one way or the other.

 

I think people are talking about this essay that might not have all the facts. As Madhatter said, maybe she got in despite the essay. There is a lot me don't know.

 

Essays are a form of communication. I think we often lose track of communication to focus on the mode of delivery. When writing an essay, I think it is critical to know what the reader is focusing on. Does the reader want to know something or is the reader wanting to see if I have mastered a currently popular style of delivery?

 

My list of "wrong" is shrinking. Not only because I have spent almost a year pecking out posts on a cell phone screen, but...I seem to be reverting a bit to a sloppier but more authentic writing style. Painters have style. Writers have style.

 

Folk art is not as refined as some other styles. But it is beautiful to some people.

 

Not only am I willing to post when I cannot even see well enough to edit what autocorrect made even worse than I wrote, but I'm just vomitting onto my tiny screen right now. You all get me trying to shout out from the bottom of a long narrow tunnel. With no spell check.

 

In the past, when my writing was even rougher, and I was still in the thick of homeschooling, I used to get PMs from college professors and other people telling me that I stood out for my combination of roughness but strong writing voice and was encouraged to put as much attention on my own education as that of the boys.

 

If I had written an essay back then, obviously some professors would have liked it, if they were PMing me to tell me they liked my writing. I'm sure some of you would have been horrified by what I wrote. I'm horrified when I occasionally stumble across an archived post somewhere from around 2002. :lol:

 

I still am insecure about my writing and know my phone written texts are the worst of the worst. But...to be silenced is...

 

I'm not sure what I am saying. I'm now entering worldview territory. What we say and think is based on worldview. Should the people not trained in the current fashionable writing style be silent? Is the mode of delivery more important than what they have to say? And are their experiences and worldview relevant?

 

I'm on a phone. I don't have time to write more. Here is my ramble vomitted from the bottom of the tunnel. And I don't even know which letters to double in vomitted.

[UCF612]

I thought it sounded like an over written blog post. I didn't like it but I also didn't hate it. I'd probably love it if I'd just finished reading a stack of dry, boring and repetitive essays by other applicants. And I imagine her other accomplishments are what truly got her acceptance.

[quietchapel]

Great ideas in the essay, too many words. Oh, way too many words.

[Mrs. Tharp]

That's funny that it sounded authentic to so many people. It sounded so affected and false to me.

 

I may be projecting. I was an affected, pretentious teenager... so...

 

It is affected and false. It's very calculated and also extremely well done. She nailed her target audience. Think of how many thousands of affected, false essays they have to read. All they want is one that is well-written, clever, and fairly original. She did that. 

 

Eta: The quality of the writing does not stand out to me in particular. It seems way too wordy. But that's a lot of high school writing in a nutshell. 

Edited April 6, 2016 by Mrs. Tharp

[luuknam]

I was overwhelmed by adjectives. Kudos if it helped her get in. If our rising senior had written that both my husband would have rolled our eyes and sent her back to try again! 

 

I was thinking that might be one of the reasons the admissions people liked it. They read too many essays that are more written by parents and/or paid advisors than by the kids themselves.

 

At first I thought it was a bit much, but by the end I liked the essay. I didn't notice any grammar mistakes other than thinking buffalochicken is not one word (I suck at grammar but I live in Buffalo...). It's actually the kind of thing I might have written myself at that age (without a thesaurus - the only reason I use a thesaurus is to name my electronics devices... they have names like 'Nefarious', and after several computers, phones, etc, it's hard to stick with the theme without using a thesaurus, lol).

[Storygirl]

I think it was overwritten but shows that she has writing talent and imagination. It seemed immature to me, but I'm sure it would stand out among all of the other typical admissions essays. With a good editor giving advice, it could have been much stronger.

 

I found my college admissions essay in a box a year or so ago and had a laugh when I read it. It was really not very good. Yet writing was my strength as a student. I tested out of all of first year composition classes in college, majored in English, and became a magazine editor early in my career. The Costco essay was better than mine.

 

When I was in high school, one of my friends wrote an admissions essay describing his hero. He picked Gumby  :p . He was accepted into a prestigious university.

 

ETA: I don't want to be too critical of someone else's child, who obviously is academically gifted and should be proud of her achievements. But I can't help adding a bit of my personal opinion to my post. The essay doesn't seem like a parody to me. It reads like it was written by someone with some writing talent who is trying too hard to show off how clever they are and doesn't understand the power of using concise imagery. I didn't care for it at all, personally, and had a hard time getting to the end, but I can appreciate that it is much better than the average college essay. So kudos to her!

Edited April 7, 2016 by Storygirl

[Tsuga]

My impression is that the essay and interview and other such components are often much bigger components when you're talking about grad school, though I suppose it depends on the program. I have the sense that the essay is little more than a way to decide between candidates that are pretty equal for undergrad in many places. I'm sure it depends though...

 

It's interesting how divided we were on this one. I keep thinking about the overwritten feeling I got from the essay. Did people feel it was good writing if it had not been slightly humorous? I mean, for those who really liked it, did the writing only work because you thought it was funny and self-deprecating - sort of parodying the genre of the personal essay and therefore purposefully overdone? Or was the writing just good and the message was what was funny? I kept thinking that individually the sentences were fine (good even) but that together they felt weighty and awkward - and, as I said, so affected and pretentious. It felt to me like one of those essays that probably scores super well on a computer algorithm simply because she used bigger words, not because it was necessarily better.

 

I'm probably being too harsh... In fact, I know I am. I just thought it was surprising that the writing got such praise.

I think that it sounded over the top intentionally and that was part of what made it funny and therefore, good. It's clearly a parody of style and substance. "Let me tell you about my existential big box store crisis in such a way that makes it clear that I understand that this is not what you were expecting me to write about."

 

I mean, I'm sure it was very refreshing after six bazillion understated, over-humble, over-edited essays about a missionary vacation to Mexico or something.

 

Affected and pretentious it was, but do you really think she was so unaware of how affected and pretentious ALL those essays sound?

 

She probably read like 10 sample essays and advice columns from Pearson and the College board and though, screw it, I will give them genuine and canned. Whatever.

 

I wish I'd have had the balls to do that as a teen. I wrote the world's most boring essays ever because I was afraid to offend. I wanted to give them what they wanted. I'm sure the style was fine, it was understated and unpretentious.

 

Institutional scholarships I got out of that approach: 0.

[Farrar]

It's true that I got off a waitlist as a teen by sending some really weird writing.  :tongue_smilie:

 

I think maybe what I'm rebelling against isn't so much the essay but the need for such an essay. As in, all the essays are so pretentious and affected in *some* fashion yet they have to be. I don't like that... not that I have an antidote. College admissions. Bah. Not looking forward to that one and glad we have several years left.

[Bluegoat]

It's true that I got off a waitlist as a teen by sending some really weird writing.  :tongue_smilie:

 

I think maybe what I'm rebelling against isn't so much the essay but the need for such an essay. As in, all the essays are so pretentious and affected in *some* fashion yet they have to be. I don't like that... not that I have an antidote. College admissions. Bah. Not looking forward to that one and glad we have several years left.

 

Yes, its like being fake in interviews in order to get a job.  It just seems so stupid.

 

I was looking at applying for jobs in Finland once.  The information I read said that they really get upset there if people exagerate or boast in interviews or resumes.  They think it shows a false character.

 

OUr university admissions here in Canada don't normally require essays.  If you apply for a scholarship you might have to send one, but not always.  It's all much less competitive and overblown, and there isn't the same tier system.  If your marks are reasonable, and you send in your application, you probably get in.

[Tsuga]

Yes, exaggeration and boasting, sure. But this was satirical to some extent, and also, inwas actually sel-deprecating in that it was about shopping at a dicount retailer.

[Bluegoat]

Yes, exaggeration and boasting, sure. But this was satirical to some extent, and also, inwas actually sel-deprecating in that it was about shopping at a dicount retailer.

 

For me, it wasn't so much that the essay was boasting or exagerated - more that it was false - it was calculated and ironic.  What does that say about the whole process? 

[Farrar]

For me, it wasn't so much that the essay was boasting or exagerated - more that it was false - it was calculated and ironic.  What does that say about the whole process? 

 

Yes, exactly. It didn't feel serious to me but it also didn't feel so "obviously" like a parody or clever like people are asserting. I get that different readers are going to see different things, I just couldn't get past that feeling of how affected it was - calculated to show off rather than reflecting anything genuine about her. I think what you're saying is exactly my problem with it - she's a pretty decent writer. It probably is unfair to pull it apart to the nth degree - it's more that I am realizing you can't write anything genuine for these prompts. It's all going to be canned or trite or affected... it's a process set up to elicit writing that isn't very meaningful.

[Hunter]

It might be interesting to try and take some of these prompts and try to produce something meaningful, while not bothering to try and accomplish anything else.

[Farrar]

There's a cool book that we were reading not long ago called Breakfast on Mars - it's a bunch of MG and YA writers writing quirky essays for classically dull prompts. They were mostly pretty good.

[Tsuga]

For me, it wasn't so much that the essay was boasting or exagerated - more that it was false - it was calculated and ironic. What does that say about the whole process?

That's why I liked it. Call them out with satire. She's gaming the game and what are they supposed to do, call her on it? "Young lady, we admit one in 20 valedictorians, we demand ORIGINALITY and VIRTUE in a system which is based on obedience and self-promotion. We want to see you demonstrate this in about 30 possible activities over four years to be described in 200 words or less. And show DEPTH. Is that clear?"

 

She called their bluff and therefore participated less than those who played the game.

[Bluegoat]

That's why I liked it. Call them out with satire. She's gaming the game and what are they supposed to do, call her on it? "Young lady, we admit one in 20 valedictorians, we demand ORIGINALITY and VIRTUE in a system which is based on obedience and self-promotion. We want to see you demonstrate this in about 30 possible activities over four years to be described in 200 words or less. And show DEPTH. Is that clear?"

 

She called their bluff and therefore participated less than those who played the game.

 

I'm not sure that is true.  I think it's just as invested in the game, really.  It makes me think of hipsters doing things, supposedly, ironically.  Itend to think they either are faking being ironic in order to be cool (they really like silly pants) or they are pretty lame people who need to find some kind of meaning in their lives.

[Farrar]

That's why I liked it. Call them out with satire. She's gaming the game and what are they supposed to do, call her on it? "Young lady, we admit one in 20 valedictorians, we demand ORIGINALITY and VIRTUE in a system which is based on obedience and self-promotion. We want to see you demonstrate this in about 30 possible activities over four years to be described in 200 words or less. And show DEPTH. Is that clear?"

 

She called their bluff and therefore participated less than those who played the game.

 

I see that as playing the game, not participating less.

 

Which is fine! I mean, you do what you need to do. And she was apparently beyond qualified - they may not have even looked at the essay given her other qualifications were so above and beyond. I just don't see how giving them what they wanted but with a little snark isn't playing their game.

[MinivanMom]

Of course she's playing the game.

 

I think the problem we start with in this discussion is the assumption that the purpose of a college essay is to showcase good writing. I think the purpose, especially for an over-qualified prospective science major, is just to showcase your personality and strengths in a memorable way. Maybe your elegant essay on the summer you spent conducting research will be memorable. Maybe the fact that you wrote something silly about Costco instead of writing about your scientific research will be memorable.

 

Either way, when your application is sitting in a stack with all the other applications from over-qualified prospective science majors who conducted summer research, it doesn't hurt to have something memorable that sets you apart. It doesn't even matter whether members of the admissions committee liked the essay or not; they may have even sat around having the same love it or hate it debate we're having. But if they remembered the essay and remembered her application, then the essay served its purpose. At the end of the day, that's a win for her.

[MinivanMom]

There's a cool book that we were reading not long ago called Breakfast on Mars - it's a bunch of MG and YA writers writing quirky essays for classically dull prompts. They were mostly pretty good.

 

This looks fantastic. 

[mathnerd]

Maybe she got in despite the essay. Which means she really deserved to get in. :)

:iagree:  When my DH showed this to me a few days ago, this is exactly what I thought. This essay is like a long Facebook post or a satiric blog post. I do not like it when people use "industrialsized", "well­mannered" and "buffalo­chicken" as single words without space separators or hyphens. I am very easy going when it comes to personal use of punctuation, mechanics of writing etc because I write informally. But, when it comes to an essay that may make or break one's college education, one has to write a well educated essay - I don't mind humor, but, I mind the lack of word structure. And none of it sounds sincere, genuine or a true reflection of her.

If this were my son, I would have had a lot of constructive criticism and advise to offer when I proof-read it.

Edited April 8, 2016 by mathnerd

[Mergath]

:iagree:  When my DH showed this to me a few days ago, this is exactly what I thought. This essay is like a long Facebook post or a satiric blog post. I do not like it when people use "industrialsized", "well­mannered" and "buffalo­chicken" as single words without space separators or hyphens. I am very easy going when it comes to personal use of punctuation, mechanics of writing etc because I write informally. But, when it comes to an essay that may make or break one's college education, one has to write a well educated essay - I don't mind humor, but, I mind the lack of word structure. And none of it sounds sincere, genuine or a true reflection of her.

If this were my son, I would have had a lot of constructive criticism and advise to offer when I proof-read it.

 

It's possible there was some kind of formatting issue when they put the essay up on the website and those words did, in the original essay, have hyphens. I've converted files in the past and had weird stuff happen, like the one time it only wiped out all the quotation marks.

[Mergath]

I think that it sounded over the top intentionally and that was part of what made it funny and therefore, good. It's clearly a parody of style and substance. "Let me tell you about my existential big box store crisis in such a way that makes it clear that I understand that this is not what you were expecting me to write about."

 

I mean, I'm sure it was very refreshing after six bazillion understated, over-humble, over-edited essays about a missionary vacation to Mexico or something.

 

Affected and pretentious it was, but do you really think she was so unaware of how affected and pretentious ALL those essays sound?

 

She probably read like 10 sample essays and advice columns from Pearson and the College board and though, screw it, I will give them genuine and canned. Whatever.

 

I wish I'd have had the balls to do that as a teen. I wrote the world's most boring essays ever because I was afraid to offend. I wanted to give them what they wanted. I'm sure the style was fine, it was understated and unpretentious.

 

Institutional scholarships I got out of that approach: 0.

 

That's what I took from it, too. It sounded like she was mocking the style of the typical college essay while also managing to give the admissions people a glimpse at her personality. I thought it was clever.

[RootAnn]

I thought she was intentionally writing something out of the box in order to stand out. I made it all the way through the essay and thought it wasn't great writing, but definitely would be memorable. So, if that was her goal, she achieved it.

 

I can't remember any of my college essays, so they were probably not anything that stood out.

 

I shudder to think about DD#1 attempting to write essays for college applications. It will be ugly. Possibly as ugly as it was today near the end of a physics test for her . . .  :crying:  I just might have to run away from home during that semester or possibly find a substitute to run my life so I don't have to be there for that.  :willy_nilly:

[Tsuga]

Well I for one did not play the game. I wish I would have. Principles don't pay the bills. Not to put too fine a point on it but for every woman here talking principle, there is a man who is clearly playing the hell out of the game to support a family at a middle class lifestyle on a single income. In this life you have to hustle. If you can divide the in home and cash-value labor discretely enough to homeschool more power to you but let's not pretend this goes on without sacrifice.

[Joker]

:iagree:  When my DH showed this to me a few days ago, this is exactly what I thought. This essay is like a long Facebook post or a satiric blog post. I do not like it when people use "industrialsized", "well­mannered" and "buffalo­chicken" as single words without space separators or hyphens. I am very easy going when it comes to personal use of punctuation, mechanics of writing etc because I write informally. But, when it comes to an essay that may make or break one's college education, one has to write a well educated essay - I don't mind humor, but, I mind the lack of word structure. And none of it sounds sincere, genuine or a true reflection of her.

If this were my son, I would have had a lot of constructive criticism and advise to offer when I proof-read it.

 

Yet, it sounds like this girl did not write one to your standards but was still accepted to several Ivy league schools. I think she's probably happy her own parents didn't proof read and change things or ask her to alter it. I also don't know how you would know if it is sincere or a true reflection of her since you don't know her. 

 

I don't actually understand the criticism here. She's a smart girl. Her writing in this instance may not be to your liking but it worked for her. 

[luuknam]

I also don't know how you would know if it is sincere or a true reflection of her since you don't know her.

 

Which reminds me, years ago (before kids), my wife and I had a habit of wandering aimlessly around Walmart late on Friday nights, looking at all the stuff and having random conversations about things we noticed. Those conversations could be about anything - including philosophy, history, economics, psychology, engineering, etc.

 

Now, I know we're weird... but 'Friday Night Walmart' really was a thing for us for at least a year. Which is why I wouldn't say the essay is necessarily fake.

[Corraleno]

Did anyone link this critique yet?  Admission officials from Ivy League schools chime in with their thoughts on the essay:

 

http://www.businessinsider.com/5-former-ivy-league-admissions-officers-talk-about-college-admissions-essays-2016-4

 

Well, that was an interesting reminder that it's not Ivy League professors who are sitting on admissions committees reading these essays.  :blink:

 

I physically winced when the guy from Cornell, who was soooo impressed by all those "sophisticated words like jettisoned, crevice, scoured, whisked...," added that he would advise her "to use less adjectives and adverbs." Yikes.

 

I thought the guy from Columbia/NYU was spot on when he said that the essay itself wasn't all that special, but he assumed the rest of her application must have been stellar. I didn't think the essay was particularly smart or well-written, but what it added, IMO, was a hint that she was likely to be a fun, bubbly person, which may have helped set her apart from a sea of other students with similarly high stats and overloaded transcripts.

 

But then again, if the adcoms reading it were super-impressed by someone using the word "juxtaposed," then perhaps the bar for Ivy essays is lower than we imagine.  :001_huh:

[Corraleno]

I looked up some more info on her — she is class valedictorian, had a 4.9 GPA (4.0 unweighted), varsity athlete (cross country running), lots of APs, summer STEM program at MIT, and volunteered in a university lab that does genetics research. She is also a URM (her mother is a Brazilian immigrant who identifies as black). 

[daijobu]

 

I physically winced when the guy from Cornell, who was soooo impressed by all those "sophisticated words like jettisoned, crevice, scoured, whisked...," added that he would advise her "to use less adjectives and adverbs." Yikes.

 

 

 

I winced, too.  Then I read the follow up article by the same reporter who wrote:  "She explained that she was initially taken back by all of the attention after she got...."

 

I remember when writers took geeky pride in their grammar and usage.

[8filltheheart]

Here are essays that JHU admissions liked. https://apply.jhu.edu/apply/essays-that-worked/(I can appreciate the first example bc that is close to the chaos my kids probably perceive. ;) )

[mathnerd]

She is also a URM (her mother is a Brazilian immigrant who identifies as black). 

what is an URM?

[JumpyTheFrog]

what is an URM?

I think it means "underrepresented minority".

[hornblower]

Here are essays that JHU admissions liked. https://apply.jhu.edu/apply/essays-that-worked/(I can appreciate the first example bc that is close to the chaos my kids probably perceive. ;) )

 

Oh, I liked the first several of these quite a lot. Smart and interesting. 

[Corraleno]

what is an URM?

 

URM is admissions-speak for "underrepresented minority" — i.e. not white or Asian. That can be a significant "hook," especially at top schools were they have about 3 times more applicants with top academic qualifications than they have admissions slots. If you've got a pile of applications from kids with perfect GPAs, 99th percentile test scores, a dozen APs, and national awards, the adcoms start looking for things like... well, this kid is from North Dakota, we don't have anyone else from there; this girl is the biracial daughter of an immigrant; this kid was raised by a single parent who dropped out of high school and he would be the first in his family to ever attend college, etc.

[Corraleno]

Here are essays that JHU admissions liked. https://apply.jhu.edu/apply/essays-that-worked/(I can appreciate the first example bc that is close to the chaos my kids probably perceive. ;) )

 

A few of those were really excellent! I especially liked the first two — they're clever, witty, and very well-written, with unusual themes that manage to convey a lot about their personalities. Some of the others were examples of what I imagine many typical essays look like — humblebrags about community service, academic accomplishments, or other ECs. That's one reason why, to me, the first couple of essays really stood out — they weren't just the standard list of accomplishments. I think the girl who wrote the Costco essay was aiming for something like the 1st two in the linked article, but hers just came across as someone who was trying too hard (and a little too dependent on a thesaurus).

 

Edited April 14, 2016 by Corraleno

[regentrude]

URM is admissions-speak for "underrepresented minority" — i.e. not white or Asian. That can be a significant "hook," especially at top schools were they have about 3 times more applicants with top academic qualifications than they have admissions slots. If you've got a pile of applications from kids with perfect GPAs, 99th percentile test scores, a dozen APs, and national awards, the adcoms start looking for things like... well, this kid is from North Dakota, we don't have anyone else from there; this girl is the biracial daughter of an immigrant; this kid was raised by a single parent who dropped out of high school and he would be the first in his family to ever attend college, etc.

 

Yes. Over the past few years, students who got admitted into all Ivies pop up every year in the news media. Most of these students share one demographic characteristic: they are the children of first generation immigrant parents, usually from Africa.

 

ETA: The extremely high proportion of such students among that select group is statistically impossible if this detail were not a deciding factor; it does not reflect the proportion of first generation African immigrants among the general population.

 

Just to name a few:

Kwasi Enin, 2014, parents from Ghana

Harold Ekhe, 2015, Nigeria

Victor Ahbafe, 2015, Nigeria

Munira Khalif, Somalia

Fernando Rojas, Mexico

Augusta Uwamanzu-Nna, 2016, Nigeria

Edited April 14, 2016 by regentrude

[Tsuga]

Yes. Over the past few years, news of students who got admitted into all Ivies pops up every year in the news media. Most of these students share a demographic characteristic: they are the children of first generation immigrant parents, usually from Africa.

 

I recently saw a slide of our student outcomes by demographic in Seattle. It's not a public document but what the hell.

 

There are two African countries in particular which are probably raising the average statistics of African/African-American/Black students by a good 50% in this district, like kids of these two backgrounds perform like Asian kids. But they are black, many of the children native speakers, and yet they still have less disciplinary actions against them, fewer absences, etc. etc. You all can guess away who it is and I'm not telling which countries but it's striking.

 

It's super interesting how the cultural message plays out in communities.

[hornblower]

Oh I'm going to guess Ethiopia and Somalia. 

I did cheat. https://www.census.gov/content/dam/Census/library/publications/2014/acs/acsbr12-16.pdf 

[mathnerd]

I recently saw a slide of our student outcomes by demographic in Seattle. It's not a public document but what the hell.

 

There are two African countries in particular which are probably raising the average statistics of African/African-American/Black students by a good 50% in this district, like kids of these two backgrounds perform like Asian kids. But they are black, many of the children native speakers, and yet they still have less disciplinary actions against them, fewer absences, etc. etc. You all can guess away who it is and I'm not telling which countries but it's striking.

 

It's super interesting how the cultural message plays out in communities.

Did the Tiger Mom and her husband mention immigrants from 2 African countries in their next book as "more successful" than most people? (I remember them saying Nigeria, the other could be Ethiopia???)

[...................]

The essay was silly, pretentious and funny.  Her goal was to make you laugh and snicker.  Maybe she grew up solidly upper middle class, with no real family struggles to name, and no major problems to  talk about "overcoming," and she realized humor and wit would be more interesting than yet another essay about her personal hero, or a struggle she didn't really have, etc. etc. or some maudlin tale of what she overcame.

 

Yes, the writing is weird and it's not perfect.  Yes, it's shallow and definitely silly.

 

But, she did something unusual that made people smile, and laugh and actually have real word pictures of Costco and all it's glaring American ridiculousness swirling in their heads.  I mean, I have actually seen some of the ridiculous but eclectic things she mentions...

 

 

 

 

[LucyStoner]

I recently saw a slide of our student outcomes by demographic in Seattle. It's not a public document but what the hell.

 

There are two African countries in particular which are probably raising the average statistics of African/African-American/Black students by a good 50% in this district, like kids of these two backgrounds perform like Asian kids. But they are black, many of the children native speakers, and yet they still have less disciplinary actions against them, fewer absences, etc. etc. You all can guess away who it is and I'm not telling which countries but it's striking.

S

It's super interesting how the cultural message plays out in communities.

A crap ton of resources were poured into helping immigrants from those countries in our area. And the communities are very close and supportive to one another. A large number, and perhaps even a majority of, African immigrants and their descendants in Seattle are Somolian or Ethopian (one can probably get a clear picture of that by counting out the number of Ethiopian restaurants here.) And the resources poured in throughout the 1990s are paying dividends as the Ethopian and Somolian immigrants from then are now adults with kids in school. I went to school with many such immigrants.

 

And tangentially I spent my high school lunch hours scarfing down injera, collards and legumes at the Ethiopian restaurant not far from my school, making friends with the owner's children. There were also many Ethiopian immigrants in college with me here.

[...................]

Well I for one did not play the game. I wish I would have. Principles don't pay the bills. Not to put too fine a point on it but for every woman here talking principle, there is a man who is clearly playing the hell out of the game to support a family at a middle class lifestyle on a single income. In this life you have to hustle. If you can divide the in home and cash-value labor discretely enough to homeschool more power to you but let's not pretend this goes on without sacrifice.

I don't think she necessarily lacked principle in writing this essay....she didn't say anything unkind, inappropriate or false.  

 

I like some of your point.  Goodness knows that I have a husband both living out his principles AND hustling, and as a committed Christian it has not been easy.  And goodness knows I carry 99% of the burden of raising the kids, and doing everything the entire household needs for every single facet of our family so that he can earn the income without distraction or burning out.  Not sure how that really related  to this thread, but I'm just saying I liked some of what you said as a good reminder to me.  We are both hustling, but I admit, he is hustling more.

 

But, not living out principles to "play the game"....they aren't diametrically opposed to each other.  My husband is a man of great, great principle and while sometimes it has set him back in the short run, it has mostly only advanced him forward and left him with amazing contacts, numerous people who would hire him back, trust him with the business, their money and everything else....

 

I highly disagree that principles need to be set aside to play the game, and I don't think that's what most of the people here that said that in this thread meant.