Jump to content

Menu

Am I being a prude or would you be bothered by this too?


Only me
 Share

Recommended Posts

My oldest dd goes to a secular private school. As with any school there is drinking, sex and teachers/classss that may not always agree with my daughter's values but it hasn't been much of a problem. We are Christian but I wouldn't consider us conservative. My dd belongs to a Christian sorority but has a lot of friends and belongs to a lot of different clubs etc. She isn't a big drinker but will occasionally go out for a drink with friends. The fact that she doesn't like to get drunk has never been a problem except for maybe early on in her first year.

 

My younger dd on the other hand is really not fitting in at school. She goes to a mid size public university. I've posted before about a few other problems. People act like she is a prude since she doesn't like to get drunk or sleep around. She has never said anything against drinking just that she doesn't like to get drunk.

 

Now there was a new incident which really has me thinking that this school just isn't a good match for her. I'm wondering if this is typical or a bit over the top. Last week they advertised a seminar in the student center all week: "Sex Week 2015". It included topics like achieving the female O. Ok maybe I'm a prude but while I expect there to be that type of discussion in a women's studies or a sex education class I think "Sex week 2015" is a bit over the top. Then apparently (not directly related to the seminar) an email was sent out by a student affairs official/hall director. It was an email blast using the school's official email list. The topic included sex tips and how to "please" women including the big O. Apparently some students were upset so the officials had a talk with the director. They are supposedly not condoning but not punishing him either. This guy is in line to become the director of all the halls and hopes to one day be school president.

 

My daughter was appalled by the email and I don't blame her. Are we being prudes about this or do you agree this is unacceptable?

 

EDIT

 

Sorry this was so poorly worded. I'm adding more up here in case people don't read my other posts. I'll admit I'm not thrilled about the seminar or "sex week" but of course they are adults and it is optional. I don't understand why it should be ok for a school official to send out an email blast using the school's official email list to talk to people about pleasing women in bed. He actually talked about details with diagrams. He doesn't have anything to do with the seminar. It wasn't advertising for a seminar. He did this on his own.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Unfortunately no. They are two separate things. The letter was sent out after the seminar was over. It's possible the topic of the seminar made him think about the topic of his email. The seminar didn't seem to be about sexual assault. I'm not sure what other topics were offered but one was specially titled "I love the female O".

 

While I'm not thrilled about the seminar it's the email I'm upset about. He shouldn't have used an official email blast to send out an email on that topic. It wasn't about safe sex etc. .

Link to comment
Share on other sites

The Sex Week at our state flagship makes that look tame. It even is paid for by student activity fees. Not sure if this is just one of those things that is part of public university life these days. Ours has costumes and dressing up and all kinds of things.

 

We had a middle school academic event on campus and all the flyers and advertisements were unavoidable. Ugh.

 

Ours does include education on assault and consent but there are some pretty outrageous programs advertised.

 

I have decided not to let anything shock me when my kids go to college.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hers is also paid by student fees. Like is said though I'm mainly upset about the email. What do you think a it the email. I think it's pretty creepy for a school official (not even an RA) to send out an email giving tips on good s-- Nothing was said about safety or those types of things.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

If a similar email came out titled "how to please your man in bed" I'd expect an uproar.  Is this all that different?

 

From a feminist perspective, the message I get is that a woman has to perform properly.  And that if a man just learns a few tricks he can pick up chicks easily and get them into bed.  So, yeah, anyway you look at it it's kind of an icky message to send out and not really appropriate for an academic environment.

 

On the drinking issue -- back when I was in college, I did lose "friends" over the drinking issue.  My take on it was that they weren't really friends.  

 

Now my daughter is going through the same thing.  Her best "friends" just threw a big underage drinking party.  Several of them drank so much they completely forgot the entire weekend.  The wonder is that no one ended up in the hospital.  But now they think she's not a real friend because she didn't go to the party to get drunk with them.  (Irony of that situation is that she stayed home and had a few drinks with me -- where it's legal, because I'm her mom....)

 

It's not even so much drinking that's the issue.  It's drinking to excess and expecting everyone else in the group to do it too as a litmus test of their friendship.  

 

There are other people out there to make friends with.  They just aren't making a lot of noise.

  • Like 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

The email is bizzare and I'm wondering if it was hacked somehow? 

 

Sex Week at my campus meant lots of free condoms, handouts on safer sex, information on where to get tested for STDS, etc. Lots of people in costumes and such, but all for a real purpose. It was sponsored and run by the HIV/AIDS Peer Education group. 

 

But the email, that would bug me. 

  • Like 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

No unfortunately it wasn't hacked. In an article I read it talked about his behavior at another school. He apparently wrote a blog saying how it's fine for staff to date their students. He said something like with all those beautiful women around it would be hard not to want to date them.

 

I reread the article. I just skimmed it before. Apparently sex week was back in February and there were a bunch of different topic offerings. I'm not sure what was all included. Apparently the seminar that was offered and advertised this week was "I Love the female O". Yep that's where part of my money is going for student fees. I would have no problem with the sex week described above: pamphlets etc.

 

Again, I'm most upset about the email. She can't opt out of that. It was creepy for him to send it. Why should a school official be sending out an email blast to students about how to please women in bed? It's not about safe sex or safety on campus.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I personally don't think that topic is inappropriate for a college campus of adults; it's a valid topic, of interest to most students, and an email blast is the most efficient way to reach the most students.  But if your DD doesn't fit in at the school or feels uncomfortable with that type of openness, then there is nothing wrong with that point of view, either, and perhaps she should consider transferring to a school more in line with who she is.  I will say that if your DD has "friends" who can't respect her choices to not drink or have sex, then she needs to find new friends.  But that is true no matter where she goes to school.

  • Like 8
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Although I could never participate (even at my old age) in a discussion about "O," the fact that they are discussing this does send a message that the female in a relationship is entitled to enjoy sex if she chooses to engage in it.  That's not a bad message, although it is an uncomfortable one.

 

The email would annoy me, but I don't see that it causes any harm.  Talking generally about stuff adults do (legally) should be fair game IMO unless a majority of the students vote against it.

 

I think there are schools that don't allow this stuff, so if your daughter is particular enough about it, maybe she should consider transferring.

 

I attended a fairly liberal university, and I was 16 when I started as a freshman, so I had my share of uncomfortable moments.  I just figured this is what happens when you are in a mostly adults-only environment.

  • Like 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm wondering how much this reflects one glorious week of yuck and how much this reflects an atmosphere where your daughter would not be able to become her best self over her college experience.

 

Is she unhappy and uncomfortable all the time, or just during "sex week?"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

In the adult world, I'm not sure this sort of thing happens except at college.  I can't imagine a boss at work sending that out.  I'm not sure that this sort of stuff happens in the real world. 

 

If I was at work and got emails like this from someone in the organization, I'd think they were crazy.  They'd be told not to do that.  They'd be told that sending out emails like that isn't appropriate.

 

I think our country is a little nutty about how they treat people in an educational setting. Why is it offensive to send emails like that out to a work place, but it's ok to send it out in a college?  I'm not so sure that it is ok to send out in a college. 

 

Maybe I'm in the minority, but I think it's just stupid on that guy's part.  I think it is inappropriate. 

  • Like 38
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I want to reiterate that the email was separate from sex week. I stated it wrong in my original post. I read the article too fast. Sex week was back in February. There is a separate seminar this week being advertised but the person who sent the email is not involved with the seminar.

 

I think this just adds to my daughter's dislike of the school. Her older sister goes to a secular but private school and she had never encountered anything like this. My daughter is just fed up that people act like there is something wrong with her since she won't get drunk. She made a few friends right away but it only lasted a short time since they didn't want anything to do with her since she doesn't enjoy getting drunk. She doesn't mind having a drink or two. I also think the school is more in your face liberal than she thought.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

In the adult world, I'm not sure this sort of thing happens except at college.  I can't imagine a boss at work sending that out.  I'm not sure that this sort of stuff happens in the real world. 

 

If I was at work and got emails like this from someone in the organization, I'd think they were crazy.  They'd be told not to do that.  They'd be told that sending out emails like that isn't appropriate.

 

I think our country is a little nutty about how they treat people in an educational setting. Why is it offensive to send emails like that out to a work place, but it's ok to send it out in a college?  I'm not so sure that it is ok to send out in a college. 

 

Maybe I'm in the minority, but I think it's just stupid on that guy's part.  I think it is inappropriate. 

:iagree:

 

 

I'm horrified, actually.

 

This is an educational institution, and they are supposedly preparing students for a professional career. In a workplace this type of email would be construed as sexual harassment and deeply inappropriate. There is NOTHING professional about this unless you work for Cosmo magazine. 

  • Like 17
Link to comment
Share on other sites

In the adult world, I'm not sure this sort of thing happens except at college. I can't imagine a boss at work sending that out. I'm not sure that this sort of stuff happens in the real world.

 

If I was at work and got emails like this from someone in the organization, I'd think they were crazy. They'd be told not to do that. They'd be told that sending out emails like that isn't appropriate.

 

I think our country is a little nutty about how they treat people in an educational setting. Why is it offensive to send emails like that out to a work place, but it's ok to send it out in a college? I'm not so sure that it is ok to send out in a college.

 

Maybe I'm in the minority, but I think it's just stupid on that guy's part. I think it is inappropriate.

Yes exactly. That's what my husband said. At work they are all adults but no way that email would be acceptable at work.

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

It would not bother me.

These are adults, and most of them are sexually active, so I don't see why they should not be having conversations and events about sexuality.

 

 

This isn't aimed at you specifically, but just at the people who have answered this way.

 

Sure, they can have conversations and events...but an email to everyone?  When does that ever happen in real life except at college?  And just because someone is at college doesn't mean they want to sit down at their computer and get emails from some guy in their college telling them how to pleasure a woman. 

 

Can anyone think of any other situation where this would be even remotely acceptable in a setting with adults and blast emails?  I cannot imagine sitting down at work and opening an email like this from my boss.  Or belonging to a social organization like The Eagles in town and getting an email like this from them, even though in those settings we are all adults and are sexually active. 

  • Like 22
Link to comment
Share on other sites

This isn't aimed at you specifically, but just at the people who have answered this way.

 

Sure, they can have conversations and events...but an email to everyone?  When does that ever happen in real life except at college?  And just because someone is at college doesn't mean they want to sit down at their computer and get emails from some guy in their college telling them how to pleasure a woman. 

 

Can anyone think of any other situation where this would be even remotely acceptable in a setting with adults and blast emails?  I cannot imagine sitting down at work and opening an email like this from my boss.  Or belonging to a social organization like The Eagles in town and getting an email like this from them, even though in those settings we are all adults and are sexually active. 

 

Do I think it is the most appropriate way of communication? Of course not. But that was not the question. The question was whether it would bother me. It wouldn't. If I was not interested in reading this, it would be one of the dozens of emails I receive daily that I'd delete.

  • Like 5
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I want to reiterate that the email was separate from sex week. I stated it wrong in my original post. I read the article too fast. Sex week was back in February. There is a separate seminar this week being advertised but the person who sent the email is not involved with the seminar.

 

OK, looking at the revised post - this is a member of the campus administration, as opposed to a student resident assistant? This is completely inappropriate. Fellow students can sometimes be "children behaving childishly," but an administrator emailing sex tips to students completely and totally crossing a line.

  • Like 11
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think this stuff is generally acceptable at college and not say, the workplace, because college is specifically an environment where a person is expected and encouraged to explore, learn, expose themselves to new things and new ideas, and test their wings.  Work has not got the same purpose as a college setting.

This isn't aimed at you specifically, but just at the people who have answered this way.

 

Sure, they can have conversations and events...but an email to everyone?  When does that ever happen in real life except at college?  And just because someone is at college doesn't mean they want to sit down at their computer and get emails from some guy in their college telling them how to pleasure a woman. 

 

Can anyone think of any other situation where this would be even remotely acceptable in a setting with adults and blast emails?  I cannot imagine sitting down at work and opening an email like this from my boss.  Or belonging to a social organization like The Eagles in town and getting an email like this from them, even though in those settings we are all adults and are sexually active. 

 

  • Like 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

This isn't aimed at you specifically, but just at the people who have answered this way.

 

Sure, they can have conversations and events...but an email to everyone?  When does that ever happen in real life except at college?  And just because someone is at college doesn't mean they want to sit down at their computer and get emails from some guy in their college telling them how to pleasure a woman. 

 

Can anyone think of any other situation where this would be even remotely acceptable in a setting with adults and blast emails?  I cannot imagine sitting down at work and opening an email like this from my boss.  Or belonging to a social organization like The Eagles in town and getting an email like this from them, even though in those settings we are all adults and are sexually active. 

 

In the past, I used to receive off-color blast emails and jokes from time to time via email.  It doesn't happen so much any more, but that could be because people use facebook for that sort of thing now.

 

A university employee doing it isn't the same as a boss doing it, because the university is known and expected to push some things we aren't comfortable with, and sex has been an accepted topic at university for a very long time.  They have courses that go way way way too far for my liking (which we hopefully can opt out of), and also the general classes will touch on this stuff without warning.  I remember being an underage teen in my "intro to poetry" class and my veteran teacher said, "you all know what he's saying here, sex feels different every time.  Don't you all agree?"  And I probably turned various shades of red and purple.  But no, he wasn't trying to be a jerk, he was discussing a poem that was meant to be read by adults.  Another time my sociology teacher played a video that showed a woman in China being forced to abort her baby.  (Both of these happened over 30 years ago.)  A lot of things are allowed in the name of education that would never be appropriate in a workplace, and that's OK.

 

I haven't seen the email, so maybe the way it was written was patently offensive, I don't know.  Given that there were some students who complained, maybe it was over the top, and maybe the staff has been instructed not to do that again.

 

I think part of being ready for university is being able to tolerate being surrounded by ideas that one is uncomfortable with, and come out reasonably unscathed.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

And just because someone is at college doesn't mean they want to sit down at their computer and get emails from some guy in their college telling them how to pleasure a woman. 

 

 

 

I didn't get the impression that this was an explicit e-mail. It's an e-mail advertising a college sponsored seminar where sexual pleasure is the topic. I don't think that the topic alone or the fact that there's a seminar about it is harassment or offensive. If it were me, I'd just hit delete and not think twice. 

 

I don't think it's unusual for colleges to have sexually themed seminars, and I don't think it's unusual for colleges to send out mass e-mails advertising their seminars. 

 

It's different from work unless the workplace sponsored the seminar. I'd think if the place you worked had a seminar, they'd advertise it. Colleges also have seminars on religion, other sexual issues, and politics that would be generally inappropriate in the workplace but are completely normal in college. 

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I didn't get the impression that this was an explicit e-mail. It's an e-mail advertising a college sponsored seminar where sexual pleasure is the topic. I don't think that the topic alone or the fact that there's a seminar about it is harassment or offensive. If it were me, I'd just hit delete and not think twice. 

 

I don't think it's unusual for colleges to have sexually themed seminars, and I don't think it's unusual for colleges to send out mass e-mails advertising their seminars. 

 

It's different from work unless the workplace sponsored the seminar. I'd think if the place you worked had a seminar, they'd advertise it. Colleges also have seminars on religion, other sexual issues, and politics that would be generally inappropriate in the workplace but are completely normal in college. 

 

 

From the OP:

Then apparently (not directly related to the seminar) an email was sent out by a student affairs official/hall director. It was an email blast using the school's official email list. The topic included sex tips and how to "please" women including the big O. Apparently some students were upset so the officials had a talk with the director. They are supposedly not condoning but not punishing him either. This guy is in line to become the director of all the halls and hopes to one day be school president.

 

And now me again:

It wasn't advertising a seminar.  It was an email with sex tips. 

 

I totally understand ha​ving the seminars and sex coming up as discussion in the classrooms and uncomfortable things being discussed as part of a college education.  But I still think the above email was goofy and inappropriate.

 

I may or may not have complained.  I mostly would have shook my head.  And I do think it indicates a bad fit for the OPs daughter.  To me, the email was juvenile and not adult.  And *that* is what would turn me off. I would expect more maturity from the staff at the college. 

 

I don't care all *that​* much, but I would be irritated to receive that as a student and question the good sense of the hall director who sent it.

​

  • Like 8
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Maybe I am a prude, but I think this is wholly inappropriate.  A university official sending out explicit sex tips as a blast email that you can't opt out of is not an appropriate use of that position nor their access to all students' emails.  A blast email from said official inviting all students to a seminar on this topic? Appropriate.   A fellow student sending explicit details?  Immature and annoying, but not unexpected.  I am actually gobsmacked that people think this is OK.  In the workplace, this would be reason for termination and removal from the building.  A university official should be at least as professional as a co-worker in the workplace. 

 

Once upon a time, when I was working as a computer analyst, pre-Anita Hill, a co-worker sent me an email (using the company email addresses and server) that wasn't exactly explicit, but did have a creepy feel to it.  I mentioned it to a co-worker, but didn't report it.  I did confront him privately to let him know that I was not pleased and that I expected all future contact to be professional and respectful.  I thought that was the end of it.  Well, his email was flagged by some internal software and he was fired. 

  • Like 17
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I didn't get the impression that this was an explicit e-mail. It's an e-mail advertising a college sponsored seminar where sexual pleasure is the topic. I don't think that the topic alone or the fact that there's a seminar about it is harassment or offensive. If it were me, I'd just hit delete and not think twice.

 

I don't think it's unusual for colleges to have sexually themed seminars, and I don't think it's unusual for colleges to send out mass e-mails advertising their seminars.

 

It's different from work unless the workplace sponsored the seminar. I'd think if the place you worked had a seminar, they'd advertise it. Colleges also have seminars on religion, other sexual issues, and politics that would be generally inappropriate in the workplace but are completely normal in college.

No this wasn't advertising for the seminar. I didn't word my original post well. That was just kind of a side note. This was a separate email that for some reason the hall director/member of college administration (not a student RA) sent out. I read a copy of the email and in my opinion it was pretty graphic. It even showed diagrams.
Link to comment
Share on other sites

This isn't aimed at you specifically, but just at the people who have answered this way.

 

Sure, they can have conversations and events...but an email to everyone?  When does that ever happen in real life except at college?  And just because someone is at college doesn't mean they want to sit down at their computer and get emails from some guy in their college telling them how to pleasure a woman. 

 

Can anyone think of any other situation where this would be even remotely acceptable in a setting with adults and blast emails?  I cannot imagine sitting down at work and opening an email like this from my boss.  Or belonging to a social organization like The Eagles in town and getting an email like this from them, even though in those settings we are all adults and are sexually active. 

 

University is a time for learning, for investigation, for spreading the net wide.  I'm sure that they also hold events on Pliny and on astrophysics.  Adults can choose what to attend.

 

The comparison with the workplace does not hold: the workplace does not exist to open participants' eyes to the wonder of learning.

  • Like 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

If it isn't required, I see no reason in being upset.  She is old enough to decide that and discuss those things or not if she wants to or not.

 

Nobody ever called me a prude for not drinking at college parties.  I didn't because I didn't know anyone well enough to trust they'd have my back so I just didn't do it.  Do people really call her weird for that?  Or does she just feel weird about it? 

 

I'd like to know about the female "O" myself.  LOL  Wish they had something like that when I went. 

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

University is a time for learning, for investigation, for spreading the net wide.  I'm sure that they also hold events on Pliny and on astrophysics.  Adults can choose what to attend.

 

The comparison with the workplace does not hold: the workplace does not exist to open participants' eyes to the wonder of learning.

But this wasn't an event she could choose to attend or not attend.  This wasn't an article in a magazine that she could choose not to open.  This was a sexually explicit email from a university official.  I would expect a someone representing the administration of a university to hold themselves to professional standards.  I don't see how sending the equivalent of a Cosmo article is opening someone's eyes to the wonder of learning.  Sounds like something I'd expect from a frat boy rather than a university professional. 

  • Like 16
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Meh - I went to a large public University.  There was partying in some corners.  But honestly, there was something for everyone.  I had a few "Christians" corner me in my dorm one day and strongly encourage me to proclaim myself outloud as a Christian reading some canned verbage stating such. 

 

I wouldn't be surprised if the Sex Week was a cover for awareness for assault and safe sex, even if it wasn't not directly advertised as such.  I would expect young adults could avoid it easily enough.  Using a general mail to send info about it does seem like overkill.

 

Anyway, I was not a huge partier in school.  I found that there was something for everyone at my huge Big 10 school.  I actually transferred from a smaller school that felt more one size fits all and in the box than the bigger school.

 

If my young adult kid found this school was not a fit for her, I would help her look at transferring.  If she found it annoying, but could avoid/ignore and was otherwise fitting in well, I wouldn't take any action.  In other words, I would leave it up to my kid.  If she thought it was inappropriate use of school resources, I would tell her she should compose a professional letter to that affect and send it to the administration. 

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

The e-mail was inappropriate.  OP, I think your input of background first in your post has led to confusion.  If you asked about the e-mail alone it would be easier for people to understand, IMO.  I think folks have jumped onto their "we're all adults" high horse before they realize this was an unsolicited e-mail containing highly sexual content sent by someone in a position of authority who cannot be blocked or avoided.

 

If I were your DD, I would look into transferring school.  No way would I want to spend 4 years being sexually harassed by an administration condoned perpetrator.  

  • Like 8
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm no prude at all and I'd find that email as described offensive.  Sex should be between two consenting adults.  They don't need a college administrator getting in there and telling them how to do it.  (On campus, it would possibly be appropriate to discuss this topic in a counseling session with an individual who requested it.  Or an optional seminar.  But not sent out in an email to everyone)

 

Obviously other students also found it inappropriate.  Other than keeping students safe and healthy, I'm not sure how a college has a responsibility to manage their students' sex lives.  Which is how this sounds (to me, anyway).

 

But... all that said, there are often a few loose cannons at colleges.  I know we've got one.  He brings out his dirty jokes at student recruiting events and thinks he's "connecting" with the students.  I have yet to run into a student who finds him or his jokes funny.  Well, except to laugh AT him behind his back.  That doesn't mean the rest of the college is an uncomfortable place or that the rest of the staff/faculty are a problem.  (He does have tenure.  Which means getting rid of him wouldn't be so easy.  Well, unless he started ACTING on what he says, not just saying it)

 

As far as your daughter is concerned, this one person probably isn't that important.  So, yeah, I'd just ignore him and his advice and get on with my education.  

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Sounds like the sender was confronted by officials, and it sounds like he hasn't done this again since then.  I would be satisfied with that response even if I felt the communication was off-color.

 

Another thing I'd want to know before judging:  was there enough warning in the title or introduction of the email that the content was going to be sexually explicit?  If so, didn't the readers have the ability to decline to read further?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

From the OP:

Then apparently (not directly related to the seminar) an email was sent out by a student affairs official/hall director. It was an email blast using the school's official email list. The topic included sex tips and how to "please" women including the big O. Apparently some students were upset so the officials had a talk with the director. They are supposedly not condoning but not punishing him either. This guy is in line to become the director of all the halls and hopes to one day be school president.

 

And now me again:

It wasn't advertising a seminar.  It was an email with sex tips. 

 

 

Ah, I misunderstood. I thought the e-mail said that the topic of the seminar would include sex tips and how to please...not that this info was actually included within the e-mail contents...

 

Yeah, a graphic e-mail to the student body sounds icky and inappropriate and more like some guy's got issues and should send a letter to Penthouse or something like that instead.. 

  • Like 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Sounds like an article in Cosmo to be honest.

 

I think Sex Week is a fabulous idea.  Including information about pleasing women is excellent.  Women deserve to enjoy sex, too, and the men need to realize it's not all about them.

 

This particular e-mail is probably inappropriate.  Advertising a seminar about it, sure.  Including tips in the e-mail, probably not.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm adding more up here in case people don't read my other posts. I'm just a bit confused on how the email is optional. I'll admit I'm not thrilled about the seminar bit of course they are adults and that part is optional. I don't understand why it should be ok for a school official to send out an email blast using the school's official email list to talk to people about pleasing women in bed. It's not like he just suggested going to the seminar. He actually talked about details. He doesn't have anything to do with the seminar. He did this on his own.

 

I would like to bring a different perspective to this.

 

Edited:

 

My perspective was totally wrong because this was, as per the post below, totally a question of a director of a facility spamming just the people in that facility. Unfortunately much creepier than old tenured faculty using e-mail to all inappropriately. :(

Link to comment
Share on other sites

In the adult world, I'm not sure this sort of thing happens except at college. I can't imagine a boss at work sending that out. I'm not sure that this sort of stuff happens in the real world.

 

If I was at work and got emails like this from someone in the organization, I'd think they were crazy. They'd be told not to do that. They'd be told that sending out emails like that isn't appropriate.

 

I think our country is a little nutty about how they treat people in an educational setting. Why is it offensive to send emails like that out to a work place, but it's ok to send it out in a college? I'm not so sure that it is ok to send out in a college.

 

Maybe I'm in the minority, but I think it's just stupid on that guy's part. I think it is inappropriate.

I agree with you completely. Not appropriate. I probably do tend toward the prudish side, but I don't love the idea of "s*x week" at college. (However, I'm pretty sure there's something of that variety at my own alma mater, because pretty much anything, good or bad, goes up there, sigh.) But I find that email to be over the top and distasteful. If s*x week is just there, then the students can choose to participate or not, attend a seminar or not. I agree with the PP who said it was at least good to send the message that women are entitled to enjoy s*x as much as men, but it should have been the students' choice whether to receive those tips or not. I feel that it was an abuse of the campus email service to send stuff like that to every student; those emails should be limited to pertinent schedule and academic info, even invitations to a seminar, but not s*x advice.

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

In the adult world, I'm not sure this sort of thing happens except at college.  I can't imagine a boss at work sending that out.  I'm not sure that this sort of stuff happens in the real world. 

 

If I was at work and got emails like this from someone in the organization, I'd think they were crazy.  They'd be told not to do that.  They'd be told that sending out emails like that isn't appropriate.

 

I think our country is a little nutty about how they treat people in an educational setting. Why is it offensive to send emails like that out to a work place, but it's ok to send it out in a college?  I'm not so sure that it is ok to send out in a college. 

 

Maybe I'm in the minority, but I think it's just stupid on that guy's part.  I think it is inappropriate.

 

  

:iagree:

 

 

I'm horrified, actually.

 

This is an educational institution, and they are supposedly preparing students for a professional career. In a workplace this type of email would be construed as sexual harassment and deeply inappropriate. There is NOTHING professional about this unless you work for Cosmo magazine.

 

  

Maybe I am a prude, but I think this is wholly inappropriate.  A university official sending out explicit sex tips as a blast email that you can't opt out of is not an appropriate use of that position nor their access to all students' emails.  A blast email from said official inviting all students to a seminar on this topic? Appropriate.   A fellow student sending explicit details?  Immature and annoying, but not unexpected.  I am actually gobsmacked that people think this is OK.  In the workplace, this would be reason for termination and removal from the building.  A university official should be at least as professional as a co-worker in the workplace. 

 

Once upon a time, when I was working as a computer analyst, pre-Anita Hill, a co-worker sent me an email (using the company email addresses and server) that wasn't exactly explicit, but did have a creepy feel to it.  I mentioned it to a co-worker, but didn't report it.  I did confront him privately to let him know that I was not pleased and that I expected all future contact to be professional and respectful.  I thought that was the end of it.  Well, his email was flagged by some internal software and he was fired.

 

  

The email was advertising a seminar on this topic?  No problem at all.

 

The email contained these tips, including diagrams?  No.  Hell no.

:iagree: :iagree: :iagree:

 

You ladies put it better than I could have.

  • Like 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

It wasn't too hard to google and find the name of the college and the situation, and I think that the details in this case matter.

 

The email was sent out to all 300-some residents of a dorm by the dorm's director, under his name.  He is a 26 year-old, certainly a "digital native", an  employee of the college, not a tenured faculty member.  He was formally reprimanded by his boss, who chose not to fire the director, though firing seems like it was certainly an option, and not prevented by tenure or other work rules.  As a result, the director sent an apology email, and acknowledged the original was a bad idea.

 

What would bother me is that this email was sent by a person the dorm residents see every day, not a faceless bureaucrat.  I'm guessing the dorm director doesn't live in the dorm, but I'm sure he's there every day.  Moreover, it was sent by a person with a certain amount of control over the lives of the residents -- who arbitrates messy roomate problems, and the like.

 

Yes, college is a time to be challenged, but maybe not by the person who holds a master key to your room.

  • Like 12
Link to comment
Share on other sites

 

 

The email was sent out to all 300-some residents of a dorm by the dorm's director, under his name.  He is a 26 year-old, certainly a "digital native", an  employee of the college, not a tenured faculty member.  He was formally reprimanded by his boss, who chose not to fire the director, though firing seems like it was certainly an option, and not prevented by tenure or other work rules.  As a result, the director sent an apology email, and acknowledged the original was a bad idea.

 

Ahhhh. Yes, those details matter a lot.

 

I googled it. Might as well post here:

 

http://www.jsonline.com/news/education/uw-la-crosse-hall-director-reprimanded-for-email-on-orgasms-b99590429z1-330725971.html

 

He wanted to have a follow-up discussion in the basement.

 

Dear lord. Either he is a true creep or he has a steep learning curve ahead of him in terms of social expectations!

  • Like 6
Link to comment
Share on other sites

After reading the article Tsuga posted, I would say the email was most definitely inappropriate! And this from the article:

 

"Legiste suggested in the follow-up that they have a hall forum Wednesday in the basement, or that students meet with him on an individual basis."

 

Students meet with him on an individual basis to talk about the big O!?! (WTH!) Methinks this guy has issues.

  • Like 5
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Oh, Lord.  If they were gong to have a man send out an email on pleasing women, they could have at least had an over-30 male who knows a thing or two on the topic sending the email, LOL!

It wasn't too hard to google and find the name of the college and the situation, and I think that the details in this case matter.

 

The email was sent out to all 300-some residents of a dorm by the dorm's director, under his name.  He is a 26 year-old, certainly a "digital native", an  employee of the college, not a tenured faculty member.  He was formally reprimanded by his boss, who chose not to fire the director, though firing seems like it was certainly an option, and not prevented by tenure or other work rules.  As a result, the director sent an apology email, and acknowledged the original was a bad idea.

 

What would bother me is that this email was sent by a person the dorm residents see every day, not a faceless bureaucrat.  I'm guessing the dorm director doesn't live in the dorm, but I'm sure he's there every day.  Moreover, it was sent by a person with a certain amount of control over the lives of the residents -- who arbitrates messy roomate problems, and the like.

 

Yes, college is a time to be challenged, but maybe not by the person who holds a master key to your room.

 

  • Like 7
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Okay, normally, this kind of thing would just make me roll my eyes and move on...they are adults after all, and I expect that young adults will discuss this stuff.

 

But, a 26 year old male sending out a mass email on pleasing women complete with tips, and not enough common sense to understand that possibly if there is nothing concerning "pleasing men", and well, possibly graphic tips of any kind could be considered sexual harassment in the context of being done outside of a seminar, human sexuality class, or a voluntary group setting is a little too much. Big OOPS!

 

We are Christians, but moderates as a general rule, and when I read this to my son who attends U of Michigan so we are not talking about a bastion of conservativism here, his comment was, "Oh Good Grief mom! Where was this guy's brain?"

 

Now, I do agree that there are many instances of this stuff going out through mail systems without any kind of approval or proper editing, or anything else such is the digital age. I wouldn't hold it against the college by any stretch. I do have to question the lack of wisdom of the 26 year old male from whom the message originated.

  • Like 5
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I still would like to see the email, as it is difficult to judge something we haven't seen.

 

But yeah, if he was suggesting continuing the discussion in person, that is pretty obvious.  If that fact had been given earlier, this thread would have been different.

 

That said, they did reprimand the guy and as far as we know, this isn't likely to occur again.  So I think I would let it rest.  A 26yo dorm director is not the voice of the university IMO.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share

×
×
  • Create New...