How much would this bother you?

[pinkmint]

How much would it bother you to live 2 houses down from a registered sex offender? 

 

We've been here for about 2 years and I've known about him for a while... I looked up neighborhood crime stats and sex offender info not long after we moved in. I'm thinking it's one of the reasons that the rent on this house is so cheap. And the affordability of this place is one of it's only redeeming qualities, believe me, and I would be moving yesterday if we could, but money is stupid. I have young children, so I worry. I see the guy when we drive by. He's in his 60's. He sits in his garage during the day just hanging out, looking at people who pass by, possibly drinking beer, I try not to examine him too much as I'm passing by. I am creeped out. 

 

[catz]

That would kind of creep me out.  But on the other hand, some people are crossing paths with sex offenders on a daily basis and don't even know.  And I think that would be a worse situation.  They can be anywhere really, even in "nicer" neighborhoods.  I would just avoid and be alert.  I'd instruct my kids that is someone they do NOT need to be friendly to and that you should be told immediately if he even talks to them. 

[Tsuga]

2 houses down would bother me. However I would need to know what the issue was. I am frustrated by the fact that you can get level-1 sex offenders on those searches in some places. Not to say their crimes are not serious and worthy of punishment, but as a parent I'm less concerned about someone who faced charges at the age of 21 in college for raping a drunk teen, than I am about someone who was convicted of having a child pornography server, you know?!? They might be equally morally horrific (I'm not going to debate the morality of it), but they aren't the same risk to my kids or me. Can you find out?

 

But no, I think being concerned is normal in your circumstances. Sorry that you are in that situation. :(

[momof4babes]

I'm horrified that we have 13 within our postal code, and a repeat offended of kids 5-12, who likes to frequent libraries!

It's information like that that makes me not want to let my kids out of my sight.

[pinkmint]

2 houses down would bother me. However I would need to know what the issue was. I am frustrated by the fact that you can get level-1 sex offenders on those searches in some places. Not to say their crimes are not serious and worthy of punishment, but as a parent I'm less concerned about someone who faced charges at the age of 21 in college for raping a drunk teen, than I am about someone who was convicted of having a child pornography server, you know?!? They might be equally morally horrific (I'm not going to debate the morality of it), but they aren't the same risk to my kids or me. Can you find out?

 

But no, I think being concerned is normal in your circumstances. Sorry that you are in that situation. :(

 

I just looked it up. "Indecency with a child, sexual contact"  :(  :(  :( victim age 12

 

The date showing of the "disposition" was 1992 which would put him in his early 40's at the time. 

 

I guess he could be harmless at this point but who wants to live 2 houses down from that with young kids?!

[katilac]

I just looked it up. "Indecency with a child, sexual contact"  :(  :(  :( victim age 12

 

The date showing of the "disposition" was 1992 which would put him in his early 40's at the time. 

 

I guess he could be harmless at this point but who wants to live 2 houses down from that with young kids?!

 

I definitely wouldn't think that he was harmless at this point - plenty of people in their 60s and 70s offend - but your kids are so young that it's very within the range of normal to keep a very close eye on them whenever they are outside. 

 

It would actually bother me more with an older child, who should be able to have a bit more freedom. 

 

Not ideal, certainly, but I do think you can keep your kids safe. 

[Hen]

that would creep me out. We have one on the next street, which is only about 8-10 doors down.  I have pointed out the house repeatedly to my kids and warned them to never go into the house and not to talk to anyone from that house.  I also made them walk the other way around the block so as to not walk by it, when I am not with them.  I don't like it, but I do appreciate knowing exactly which house, kwim?  there are many monsters we don't know about.

 

once, when I was really thin, and I have long hair, I was walking by the house -on the other side of the street with my dog, and the man came out from his garage and enthusiastically waved at me, like he knew me.  from far away, I look young when I'm thin.  I wanted to cross the street and beat him with something. 

 

 

[Butter]

It would depend on why he's on the registry.  I had a friend with a guy two doors down who was on the list because he got hit with a statutory rape charge when his girlfriend was 16 and he had just turned 19.  It was consensual - and she admitted it - but her parents pressed charges.  They were fine with them dating until they found out it had turned sexual.  So he's on the registry for life and not a risk at all.

 

This guy near you may or may not be a risk.  If it was his own child he abused he is probably not a risk to your children provided you don't ever let your kids near him/alone with him.  He's not likely to hunt them down.  If it was a random kid he abused, I'd be very, very uncomfortable living so close and would do everything in my power to move.

 

I actually did sell a house once when two registered sex offenders moved in because they were scary.  They were convicted of forcible rape of a stranger with a weapon, multiple women (father and son duo).  They were horrible people who IMO shouldn't have even been outside of a jail cell.  I couldn't handle living basically behind them so we sold the house and moved.

[Harriet Vane]

Yes, I would be creeped out.

 

No, he is not harmless just because he is retirement age. Most pedophiles re-offend multiple times, and they do not slow down as they age. 

 

If you have to stay there, you need to specifically warn your children, and you must supervise your children. Do not be friendly with this man, ever. 

 

Honestly, I would move.

[RioSamba]

The initial knowledge would creep me out, and if I believed he was a danger to my children or to me, I'd want to move.

[Tsuga]

I just looked it up. "Indecency with a child, sexual contact"  :(  :(  :( victim age 12

 

The date showing of the "disposition" was 1992 which would put him in his early 40's at the time. 

 

I guess he could be harmless at this point but who wants to live 2 houses down from that with young kids?!

 

Edited: wrong smiley!  :ack2:

 

Ugh. How horrible. I am sorry. Yep, that's beyond creepy. It's scary. And I agree--not harmless. 

[luuknam]

It's my understanding that most offenders have fairly narrow ranges of targets - like, if they're into 12yo girls, they're not really a risk to 6yo boys (or even 6yo girls). There are probably some exceptions, but then and again, there are also first-time offenders and never-caught offenders.

[Bluegoat]

I would probably never check a registry like that, but if I did, I would find it creepy.  However, that I think is largely a trick of the brain, because I am sure there are probably perverts around all the time that I am not aware of. 

[ThisIsTheDay]

We had one about five houses down when my kids were young, and it didn't faze me at all.

 

First, my kids were not out of my sight at that age. 

 

Second, the vast majority of child sex offenders know their victims.  It is extremely unusual for someone to randomly approach and assault your child. The people to watch out for are the people who are within the child's circle of acquaintances: mother's boyfriend, male relative, friend's brother/father/uncle--people you/your child does not see as a threat.  My children did not know my neighbor, nor was there any chance they ever would.

 

Third, I was able to see that his charges included CSA by a person in a position of trust. That would indicate he had authority over his victims at the time, possibly an adult babysitter, grandfather, etc. He had the opportunity to groom the children.

 

I'd worked in the field in a prior job.  I think it's very wise, from a parenting standpoint, to know if your neighbors are on the list. I personally would need more information to assess if my kids were truly at risk from this person.

 

It's doubtful that your rent reflects your neighbor.  You can move ANYwhere and then have someone move in next door, from the homeowner's child recently getting out of prison, someone taking in a relative, etc.  That's out of your control. 

 

Focus on what you CAN control--at this age, it's who has access to your kids.  Frankly, I'd be far, far, far more worried about the safety of my child during a sleepover at a newer friend's house than a neighbor my child doesn't know.

[pinkmint]

Yeah, my kids are mostly not out of my sight. They do play in our little fenced in backyard for short periods while I am inside and semi-watching. I would like to be able to send them outside at some point when they are ready to handle that but I guess I have to keep a short leash on them with the way our neighborhood is. It's very tiring to not be able to do that. 

 

Anyway, yes, I know from personal experience child sex offenders are overwhelmingly people who are involved in the child's life/ known to the child. I know that one the hard way having lived it as a child. Still, I don't want to find out what the neighborhood sex offender is capable of. 

 

As far as the relationship of rent amount to this and other undesirable neighborhood factors, when looking at the sex offender map of this town I navigated over to where my friend lives, out of curiosity. Her neighborhood is much nicer and home values much higher. There are zero registered sex offenders in her neighborhood. So it just makes me ponder the frustrations of living la vida low income. 

[AimeeM]

Do you have access to what "type" of sex offender he is? I know in our state, it will list the offense or at least whether or not they were convicted of a crime involving a child, whether the child was under 18 or under 12, is a predator or a non-predator, etc.

 

I ask because the type of sex crime would matter to me. Registered offender because at 19 he had TeA relations with a girl who was 17 and her parents were pissed enough to press charges? Not on my radar. Got drunk and peed in a bush in the park? Not on my radar as creepy (stupid, but not creepy). Anything involving a child, though? I would be very concerned.

[pinkmint]

The incident that he was charged for involved him as an early 40's man and a 12 year old girl. That's all the info that I can gather from online. There's no way that could have been anything remotely excusable/ understandable, so yeah, I'm pretty creeped out living so near him. 

 

I've been desperate to move from here, and still am. It's a situation where I have no choice, so I have to learn how to be shrewd and make the best of it, so that's what I'm hoping to learn how to do. 

[Laurie]

It would bother me a lot.  But maybe as the saying goes, "Better the devil you know than the devil you don't know."   If there's anything suspicious, you can call the police and hopefully get a quick response.

 

I would be 100% certain that you've got great window coverings for bedrooms/bathrooms and be sure to use them.   Remember this piece of filth:   http://www.thenewstribune.com/news/local/crime/article31850052.html

He was using a camera with telephoto to take pictures of the neighbor girls.   Have you gone outside at night to make sure that no one can see into these rooms? 

 

I'm sorry you have to deal with this. 

 

[ThisIsTheDay]

Yeah, my kids are mostly not out of my sight. They do play in our little fenced in backyard for short periods while I am inside and semi-watching. I would like to be able to send them outside at some point when they are ready to handle that but I guess I have to keep a short leash on them with the way our neighborhood is. It's very tiring to not be able to do that.

 

As far as the relationship of rent amount to this and other undesirable neighborhood factors, when looking at the sex offender map of this town I navigated over to where my friend lives, out of curiosity. Her neighborhood is much nicer and home values much higher. There are zero registered sex offenders in her neighborhood. So it just makes me ponder the frustrations of living la vida low income. 

 

I really believe that you'd give your children no more freedom if this guy wasn't two doors down.  It's not the way your neighborhood is, it's the way neighborhoods ARE.

 

And please do not believe for one minute that this is related to the income or home values of a neighborhood.  Never, ever let yourself be fooled by that.

 

 

 

 

I would be 100% certain that you've got great window coverings for bedrooms/bathrooms and be sure to use them.   Remember this piece of filth:   http://www.thenewstribune.com/news/local/crime/article31850052.html

He was using a camera with telephoto to take pictures of the neighbor girls.   Have you gone outside at night to make sure that no one can see into these rooms? 

 

 

 

This is prudent advice, no matter WHO your neighbors are.

 

Your children are no more safe in a neighborhood without a registered sex offender.  It only means someone has not yet been caught--or someone has not yet registered.  If you are depending on the accuracy of a sex offender registry to determine the safety of your neighborhood, well, you're leaving your children vulnerable.  I don't know a gentler way to say this.

[momto10blessings]

It would bother me a lot. I'm not sure if moving would help because you could end up moving 2 doors down from someone worse. I would never let down my guard. Teach the kids to never talk to or go near that man and to tell you when he approaches them or they see him. Sorry you have to deal with this.

[SKL]

If he did something to a child under 16 when he was old enough to know better, then that would concern me.  I would be very clear about my kids not being allowed on his property.  I might be a little more careful about reminding the kids about certain safety rules.  But I would not want to restrict my kids' age-appropriate movements in the neighborhood.

 

I think it is better to know than not to know.  You can be alert to possible grooming and stuff.

 

Usually offenders don't just sneak up and snatch kids, they prey on children who know and trust them.  So don't let that kind of bond develop with this neighbor.

[Word Nerd]

I would probably never check a registry like that, but if I did, I would find it creepy. However, that I think is largely a trick of the brain, because I am sure there are probably perverts around all the time that I am not aware of.

I agree. I think it gives a false sense of security to check a registry and not see any neighbors listed. Even when you're next door to a known predator, people you and your kids know are still statistically much more likely to be a threat.

[mamiof5]

We used to live behind one. And don't ask me why he covered all his windows with tin foil? We live in a very sunny area, have heard of some folks doing this to reflect the sun rays and keep their home cooler. Still, had no peace of mind til he moved away.

[mamiof5]

We used to live behind one. And don't ask me why he covered all his windows with tin foil? We live in a very sunny area, have heard of some folks doing this to reflect the sun rays and keep their home cooler. Still, had no peace of mind til he moved away.

[LucyStoner]

Not that much, really and truly.  

 

A child is FAR more likely to be abused in their home, by a family member or someone a family member trusts, than by someone that their mother knows full well to avoid.  

 

There are unregistered, never convicted or even arrested sexual offenders lots of places.  Living somewhere without a registered sex offender does not mean leaving somewhere without a sex offender.  It means living with a little less information about potential risks.  If you have many neighbors, you likely have at least one neighbor who has committed some form of sex crime, be it child porn consumption or sexual assault.  

 

I've lobbied for sex offender housing with treatment near our old house.  The project was moved elsewhere.  I've also tutored a person on the registry.  There are offenders in our neighborhood.  

 

People have to live somewhere.  The harder we make it to find housing, the less likely the offender is to register and comply with supervision strictures.  Those who don't comply are more likely to reoffend.  

 

[momof4babes]

 

 

A child is FAR more likely to be abused in their home, by a family member or someone a family member trusts, than by someone that their mother knows full well to avoid.

.

This is very true.

It doesn't make me feel comfortable letting my older kids walk to the park or library by themselves.

 

The one who was recently released by me, didn't know any of his victims. Apparently he likes to hang out in libraries, and book stores, exposing himself and getting kids to touch him. 😖

 

I just recently started letting my 11 year old book worm hang out at the library a bit.

[Farrar]

I wouldn't be bothered. Even knowing the vague details of what you know, you don't know what happened. I've read so many stories of people on the registry who clearly aren't "bad" people in the way that we think of predators. They're people who messed up once in a specific situation - sometimes in a really bad way (and sometimes in a pretty understandable way like a lot of these 19 yos who ended up with statutory rape convictions) but not in a way that makes them a specific threat to you and your kids. This man probably victimized someone in his life who he was close to for some reason - a niece, a step-daughter, etc. I don't mean to excuse him (at all) just to say that I don't think it makes him a specific threat to your kids. Like a few people said above, kids are in so much more danger from people they know.

 

I'm really against the registry at this point. I think it's done more harm than good.

[LucyStoner]

This is very true.

It doesn't make me feel comfortable letting my older kids walk to the park or library by themselves.

 

The one who was recently released by me, didn't know any of his victims. Apparently he likes to hang out in libraries, and book stores, exposing himself and getting kids to touch him. 😖

 

I just recently started letting my 11 year old book worm hang out at the library a bit.

To the bolded, me either but I have to weigh that against also NOT being comfortable with the risks of not letting my kids walk to the park or library by themselves, at the ages when they are ready to handle and manage either. For my 12 year old that means the apartment complex grounds/playground, the store, the library a few blocks away and the park a mile down the bike trail. For my almost 7 year old that means just the apartment grounds/playground when he feels like it. He doesn't go past that unless with not just his brother, but also his 13 year old cousin.

 

I can't risk their healthy, normal development and independence to protect against the slight chance that they would be one of a tiny number of stranger abduction scenarios. It's trading a small risk for the certainty of another risk. It's also forgetting the risks we tolerate and focusing on smaller risks that we have a more visceral reaction to. It's more dangerous to ride in a car to the library than it is to be at most libraries alone.

 

As a survivor of child sexual assault, this is an issue that I care about quite a bit and have had to really learn a lot and stretch a lot to help keep my sons both safe AND not overly sheltered/dependent. I teach safety and situational awareness for sure but I think focusing on the registry over no nonsense sexual abuse prevention also makes kids in general less safe.

[LucyStoner]

I wouldn't be bothered. Even knowing the vague details of what you know, you don't know what happened. I've read so many stories of people on the registry who clearly aren't "bad" people in the way that we think of predators. They're people who messed up once in a specific situation - sometimes in a really bad way (and sometimes in a pretty understandable way like a lot of these 19 yos who ended up with statutory rape convictions) but not in a way that makes them a specific threat to you and your kids. This man probably victimized someone in his life who he was close to for some reason - a niece, a step-daughter, etc. I don't mean to excuse him (at all) just to say that I don't think it makes him a specific threat to your kids. Like a few people said above, kids are in so much more danger from people they know.

 

I'm really against the registry at this point. I think it's done more harm than good.

The other issue is that it gives dangerous offenders a plausible story to minimize what they did. We have all heard the sad tale of the person on the registry who shouldn't be. So people on the registry will say stuff like that even when it's a flat out lie (no shocker that peole will lie to deny the seriousness of their registration).

 

The truth is that most level 3 offenders probably don't belong on a registry at all because they belong in prison or secure residential facilities. We give child rapists in many cases lighter sentences than being served by some people on mandatory minimum non-violent drug offenses.

[Reefgazer]

If his crimes were sex crimes against small children, it would bother me enough to likely move.  If it were a case of a 19 year old diddling his consenting 16 year old girlfriend, I don't even consider that a crime.  So it would depend on why he was on the list.  And before anyone jumps on my shit saying a neurotypical 16 year old girl can't consent, I disagree, and we'll just have to not see eye-to-eye on that.  Not to mention, someone on the list for offences against small children is a threat to my kids, but the other is not.

[Farrar]

The other issue is that it gives dangerous offenders a plausible story to minimize what they did. We have all heard the sad tale of the person on the registry who should be. So people on the rigs try will say stuff like that even when it's a flat out lie (no shocker that peole will lie to deny the seriousness of their registration).

 

The truth is that most level 3 offenders probably don't belong on a registry at all because they belong in prison or secure residential facilities. We give child rapists in many cases lighter sentences than being served by some people on mandatory minimum non-violent drug offenses.

 

Yes, well, that's a whole other thing - that people who do truly bad things like commit rape, incest, etc. should be in prison. I feel like the registry is a way for our justice system to not do its job.

 

There are people on there who are bad people who I wouldn't want to be around. But there's a good chance that there are just as many people who have committed violent non-s*xual crimes down the street from us that I wouldn't want my kids around either. I think the registry lulls people into a false sense of security - they think they know who the bad guys are. I mean, maybe you know some of the bad guys, but maybe you're wrong or maybe the real bad guys are someone else. I think the real protection is arming your kids with the language and skills to talk about this stuff and knowing the tricks the real predators use - like some of those good articles that were out after the Sandusky trial.

[ThisIsTheDay]

The truth is that most level 3 offenders probably don't belong on a registry at all because they belong in prison or secure residential facilities. We give child rapists in many cases lighter sentences than being served by some people on mandatory minimum non-violent drug offenses.

 

 

Yes, well, that's a whole other thing - that people who do truly bad things like commit rape, incest, etc. should be in prison. I feel like the registry is a way for our justice system to not do its job.

 

 

 

Ime, this is due to a valid reluctance to keep a child victim from testifying publicly, and doing so several months or longer after the crime was committed.

 

As a result, offenders will be offered sweeter plea deals than someone else who commits another violent Class 3 felony. This protects the victim in this case, but a lighter sentence (whether it's less prison/jail time, deferred judgment, etc.) gives the offender quicker access eventually, risking other victims.

 

Of course, there are programs in place in many areas to offer child victims more support, or videotape testimony, but such videotape can impede on a defendant's constitutional right to a fair trial (i.e. cross examination of victim).  Prosecutors and other child victim advocates have big challenges and have to walk a balance between the best interests of the victim and the best interests of the community. 

[Tsuga]

Katie you make a lot of good points but part of the safety I have for my kids is knowing my neighbors. I know everyone on my block. There are sex offenders living within a 2 mile radius, and I do let my kids roam. But those people aren't two houses down where they could develop a relationship with the kids easily.

[pinkmint]

Lest anyone think I am dumb and "being lulled into a false sense of security" etc. like I said, I was molested as a child by an immediate family member. They were never charged (and never faced consequences since I was terrified to tell until adulthood). They currently live in a higher income neighborhood and are known as a normal, non-threatening citizen. I know how it goes, ok? 

 

I'm just saying, and asking. Registered sex offender sitting in his garage 2 doors down staring at us as we drive by. It concerns me. 

[MomatHWTK]

Yeah, it's creepy.  Sorry.   :(

[EKS]

It would probably concern me, but my logical side would think that at least I know about him--for every registered sex offender, I'm sure there many others out there who haven't been caught.

[LucyStoner]

Katie you make a lot of good points but part of the safety I have for my kids is knowing my neighbors. I know everyone on my block. There are sex offenders living within a 2 mile radius, and I do let my kids roam. But those people aren't two houses down where they could develop a relationship with the kids easily.

How is someone on the registry going to develop a relationship with your child? You know who they are. You know their history. If it is a person who poses a risk to your child, you know to take extra precautions around them. That person becomes the "safest offender" in your neighborhood because you know they shouldn't be trusted. If a child is old enough to be a position to form a relationship without you there, they are also old enough to be told that this or that person is not a person to get close to.

 

We had a neighbor that wasn't on the registry but just pinged my spidey sense. We didn't make him someone who would ever be in a position to form a relationship with our child. I had the same spidey sense about some others, again, same story.

[LucyStoner]

 

Ime, this is due to a valid reluctance to keep a child victim from testifying publicly, and doing so several months or longer after the crime was committed.

 

As a result, offenders will be offered sweeter plea deals than someone else who commits another violent Class 3 felony. This protects the victim in this case, but a lighter sentence (whether it's less prison/jail time, deferred judgment, etc.) gives the offender quicker access eventually, risking other victims.

 

Of course, there are programs in place in many areas to offer child victims more support, or videotape testimony, but such videotape can impede on a defendant's constitutional right to a fair trial (i.e. cross examination of victim). Prosecutors and other child victim advocates have big challenges and have to walk a balance between the best interests of the victim and the best interests of the community.

I fully get how it happens. Still, that doesn't mean it should happen.

[Tsuga]

I think that pretending that proximity doesn't make a difference--they know so much more about you--is disingenuous. It's one thing to have, like most of us do, one or two offenders within a one-mile radius. We know where they are and the kids have been made aware of behavior that they can watch out for.

 

It is another thing to have someone basically watch you come and go all day because they are on their porch and they can see everything you do, hear your conversations, etc. That absolutely makes a difference in terms of how they can relate to the kids should they decide to.

 

Naturally you can make the kids aware of the danger, but I hardly think that someone who knows when I get up in the morning is the safest offender. I feel like the safest offender is a few miles away AND I know where they are.

[LucyStoner]

I think that pretending that proximity doesn't make a difference--they know so much more about you--is disingenuous. It's one thing to have, like most of us do, one or two offenders within a one-mile radius. We know where they are and the kids have been made aware of behavior that they can watch out for.

 

It is another thing to have someone basically watch you come and go all day because they are on their porch and they can see everything you do, hear your conversations, etc. That absolutely makes a difference in terms of how they can relate to the kids should they decide to.

 

Naturally you can make the kids aware of the danger, but I hardly think that someone who knows when I get up in the morning is the safest offender. I feel like the safest offender is a few miles away AND I know where they are.

That it is counter intuitive doesn't mean it is incorrect.

 

You gain as much information about them as they can about you.

 

It doesn't take long to travel two miles.

 

Safety is something we have to teach 100% of the time with 100% of the people our kids interact with. We are not more or less safe when someone with ill intent is 2 houses down or 2 miles away, registered or not.

[Farrar]

I think that pretending that proximity doesn't make a difference--they know so much more about you--is disingenuous. It's one thing to have, like most of us do, one or two offenders within a one-mile radius. We know where they are and the kids have been made aware of behavior that they can watch out for.

 

It is another thing to have someone basically watch you come and go all day because they are on their porch and they can see everything you do, hear your conversations, etc. That absolutely makes a difference in terms of how they can relate to the kids should they decide to.

 

Naturally you can make the kids aware of the danger, but I hardly think that someone who knows when I get up in the morning is the safest offender. I feel like the safest offender is a few miles away AND I know where they are.

 

Maybe this depends a bit on your neighborhood. There are a lot more than a couple of people that close to us on the registry. And we live in a place with high enough population density that lots of people pass our house every day that we can't identify. We don't know all our neighbors - too many apartment buildings within a block to know everyone. We simply couldn't live in any city area at all if we wanted to live a few miles away from any offenders at all.

[LucyStoner]

Maybe this depends a bit on your neighborhood. There are a lot more than a couple of people that close to us on the registry. And we live in a place with high enough population density that lots of people pass our house every day that we can't identify. We don't know all our neighbors - too many apartment buildings within a block to know everyone. We simply couldn't live in any city area at all if we wanted to live a few miles away from any offenders at all.

I think this is on point. We do live in a suburb. But that is a recent thing for us and before, while not in a city as large as yours, we were generally in urban areas with a bit of grit or at least what passes for gritty in the PNW. There was zero way I could keep tabs of all of the registered offenders. Also, I am savvy enough to know that the registry information is out of date in many places and offenders are moving in and out. Memorizing the list of offenders even in a 1/4 mile radius of our last house wasn't a wise use of my time.

 

Also people move. It's not realistic for most people to move every time an offender gets too close for comfort.

 

I guess you could take the approach they did in Issaquah, WA and just make it illegal for offenders to live in pretty much any residential area...but that is not really ethical, realistic or even something that makes anyone safer.

[albeto.]

Lest anyone think I am dumb and "being lulled into a false sense of security" etc. like I said, I was molested as a child by an immediate family member. They were never charged (and never faced consequences since I was terrified to tell until adulthood). They currently live in a higher income neighborhood and are known as a normal, non-threatening citizen. I know how it goes, ok? 

 

I'm just saying, and asking. Registered sex offender sitting in his garage 2 doors down staring at us as we drive by. It concerns me. 

 

I mean this gently, and I say this with genuine compassion. I wonder if you might find a better solution to your problem if you go about this a different way. You ask how much something like this would bother people. I think it's safe to say you'll find plenty of people who share your feeling. You say you can't move now, so validating your feelings seems to me to be a recipe for disaster. It's more likely to feed your angst when there's not much you can do about this neighbor. You can however, do things to protect your kids from this neighbor, and you can do things to help you feel less vulnerable. I would encourage you to look at this from the perspective of empowerment, and not vulnerability. You have information. Knowledge is power. You know who to avoid, you know how to teach your kids to be safe. You know the likelihood of something happening to your children at the hands of this man is remarkably small. You don't have to live in fear (I interpret your "concern" as a kind of fear, a fear of the potential of a situation). It seems to me you'd feel better not by asking how many people share your creep-meter reading (understandable, no doubt), but by finding out how to focus on this situation in a more proactive and positive way. Just a thought, and meant kindly. 

[Tsuga]

That it is counter intuitive doesn't mean it is incorrect.

 

You gain as much information about them as they can about you.

 

It doesn't take long to travel two miles.

 

Safety is something we have to teach 100% of the time with 100% of the people our kids interact with. We are not more or less safe when someone with ill intent is 2 houses down or 2 miles away, registered or not.

 

Yeah, you could travel two miles easily, but I'd notice you sitting in front of my house and could call the police about your sitting there all day stalking me and my kids.

 

In the OP's case, the guy who is there all day is in his own home, as he has a right to be.

 

I have wonderful neighbors. The fact that they live on both sides of us makes a huge difference in my life. My kids have somewhere to run if they get home and I'm not there. I can leave one kid playing in the yard while I run around the block with the other one and not worry an ounce. I can knock on somebody's door if the back door is open (old locks, sometimes they swing open but we always check). 

 

I feel like OP is thinking--okay, obviously there are people everywhere, and this is not unusual, but it bothers me that he's only two houses down, is that just me? And to me, no, that's not just her. Who is within sight of my porch is a bigger deal than the people who could walk to my house if they wanted, or people who could drive here if they wanted. Obviously nothing is 100% safe.

 

If having good neighbors who care about your kids and who have shown compassion and good boundaries is comforting, how could this not be discomforting?

 

 

 

 

It seems to me you'd feel better not by asking how many people share your creep-meter reading (understandable, no doubt), but by finding out how to focus on this situation in a more proactive and positive way.

 

I agree with that, but I think she is just first trying to see if she's nuts for feeling extra creeped out.

 

I'm pretty dang free-range and pro-awareness but I can empathize with feeling creeped out knowing that someone just a house over. And yes, that creeps me out more than having someone 10 blocks away, just like I enjoy having a nice neighbor next door more than I enjoy a friend 10 blocks or a mile away.

[LucyStoner]

Tsuga, I see what you are saying. Great neighbors and community rock and I sure do appreciate mine.

 

Still. The odds are very high that one of your neighbors at some point has done something that if you knew about it, it would creep you out. Sexual violence is a problem of epidemic proportions in our culture. The odds are high that of dozens of people, one is doing something at least unsavory if not illegal right now. The registry only makes us aware of the creep factor.

[Annie G]

It would bother me but it wouldn't prompt me to move. We live in town and I looked at the registry last night- there are 20,000 residents in our town and 96 registered sex offenders.  At least 90% of them live within five miles of me.   Some of those folks are downright awful people...but they are identified and I can see their photos day and night. I probably should be at least as concerned about the criminals I don't know about. 

 

OP, when your kids are old enough to leave the yard alone, you might be more concerned. Right now they are under your supervision all the time...you can control how much interaction they have with your neighborhood creeper. 

 

Can you talk to his parole officer? My friend's dh is a parole officer for sex offenders and he's open to talking to concerned neighbors. 

[Bluegoat]

I guess it would be hard not to wonder why the guy is sitting around on his porch all day, but it probably isn't nefarious.  He might just like the sun.

 

It might even be that he doesn't have much social interaction and so likes to see what is going on. 

 

Sometimes its just best to make an effort to take the most normal explanation of a behavior as most likely, and think that way about it.

 

I don't see how I would really be that worried.  My kids are of a variety of ages, and they are either with someone, or old enough not to know to go off with a stranger.  Especially the one I tell them to be careful of!  I suppose someone could unexpectedly expose himself, but TBH I am not really worried if that happens. 

 

 

[Scarlett]

Tsuga, I see what you are saying. Great neighbors and community rock and I sure do appreciate mine.

 

Still. The odds are very high that one of your neighbors at some point has done something that if you knew about it, it would creep you out. Sexual violence is a problem of epidemic proportions in our culture. The odds are high that of dozens of people, one is doing something at least unsavory if not illegal right now. The registry only makes us aware of the creep factor.

My faith in the register has been completely lost since coming to know a level 3 that will be there for life. I have read everything they will put on line and I have talked to people who know a lot about this story. I do not believe he is a threat to anyone. I think he made a big huge horrible mistake when he was in his early 20s and he admitted it and now he is paying for it.

 

I believe more than ever we have to be responsible for our own kids.

 

But to the OP, yes I would be a little freaked out, but honestly the legal system is so wacked you just have to do your best to not worry about that guy.

[SparklyUnicorn]

That's a tough one.  I suppose you could look at it as, hey at least you know.  Many times we don't know stuff like that.  I operate under the assumption that I don't know what someone might do.

 

 

[knoxinsox]

I always check the registry---its good to know, but there are exceptions to everything.  We have a family member who spent 14 years in jail, because an angry ex-wife was trying to get back at him.  The step-kids were abused by someone else, and when he tried to discipline them, they--the stepkids and ex-wife told lies about him.  

 

On the other hand I was abused by a neighbor when I was young...a friend of our family.  Pillar of the community, church member, businessman, 80-odd years old. He did this to many girls, including his own grand-daughters. Never got caught and was therefore never on a registry.  I was glad when he died--I knew he wouldn't be able to do it to anyone again.    He lured me in by offering candy, which was something we had very rarely.  I get very uncomfortable when the neighbors are generous with my kids....its probably not an issue, but feels like grooming to me.  So our family rules are that my kids are not allowed in other people's houses or yards.  They can ride bike together in front of our house or play in our yard, and sometimes they play Lego in our house. I pretty much always supervise, and our church never leaves kids alone with an adult at any meetings.