wondering if I can do this anymore

[ktgrok]

Hmm, lots ot think about. yes, he's 16, so legally he wouldn't be truant here I don't think (but will research right now). But...if he drops out he can't get a driver's license, which he wants eventually. 

 

He is doing SOME work, in fact I just got home and and he'd done an assignment and part of another. But now he's gaming again. 

[ktgrok]

Okay, so he can't quit school at 16 without my signed consent. Truancy is after 15 unexcused abscences. But how on earth is that even defined, when he's homeschooled? I mean, if he does one or two assignments a day, that's still "attending" homeschool. But I guess absent from some classes. 

 

I can't worry about that I don't think. And no, no decent charter schools for highschool here. His dad is NOT interested in having him live there. (And Dad is where he inherited this work ethic from, so wouldn't help him do better, trust me. Dad has been trying to get a BS for oh, twenty something years and hasn't held down a job in I don' tknow how long, partly due to heath issues, partly not.)

[Acadie]

Nope, none like that. There is a catholic school, which would cost about $4 more than the state scholarship funds, that we could probably swing if we had to, but he doesn't want to go to. And paying that much to have him continue to fail would suck. Or a strange alternative school that is project based that I don't get a good vibe from. Graduating class was a total of one student last year. 

 

I see none of the school options are great. Can home schoolers use state scholarship funds for tutors? Even if you could outsource a subject or two to the right tutor…my fantasy being you could find someone he responds to, who also has some background working with these very issues.

 

And I agree with pps who say you're doing the best you can in a very challenging situation!

 

Amy

[Matryoshka]

Hmm, lots ot think about. yes, he's 16, so legally he wouldn't be truant here I don't think (but will research right now). But...if he drops out he can't get a driver's license, which he wants eventually. 

 

Really?  Even if he gets a GED?

[Matryoshka]

 His dad is NOT interested in having him live there. (And Dad is where he inherited this work ethic from, so wouldn't help him do better, trust me. Dad has been trying to get a BS for oh, twenty something years and hasn't held down a job in I don' tknow how long, partly due to heath issues, partly not.)

 

That sounds like a bad option, then.  Sounds like in that situation you might end up in the same predicament as the acquaintance I mentioned in my PP, where the dad is being an enabler to the behavior...

 

[prairiewindmomma]

Have you considered talking with an educational psychologist who specializes in ASD teens? She or he may have some additional resources, ideas or support for you.

 

Private ASD/2e/LD schools exist but in my area generally aren't well advertised. One in my area has a testing/credit recovery program which can be a fast track to a diploma.

 

The EF/social issues you mention are very common with spectrum teens. Hugs!

[gracefor5]

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

 

Just yesterday, my DD and I got into it over me having to drag her through her schoolwork and how it's not me who will suffer from her laziness in the long run. She's 8th grade. I refuse to do this through high school, so she has this year to shape up, or it's sink or swim in PS for her.

My 10th grade Ds went though this for years..(basically birth!!). Arguing, blaming me. We are both very strong personalities and it was killing any love we had for each other. At the beginning of 8th grade his dad and I sat him down and in a very non-punitive way said that things need to change for all of us. Him included. He's super sensitive on top of everything and I knew he was miserable too. I gave him the school options which were all public. Can't afford private school. He and I researched online options but didn't make any decisions. We set March as our target discussion time. In the meantime I did enroll him in a few online classes so that all of his subjects weren't my responsibility and I stayed out of those classes except to check grades one time per month since I am with a public homeschool charter. Didn't ask what was due, didn't ask if he was working. Let him sink. After a while he started to at least tread water. In March we made the decision to continue to homeschool but just about all of his classes are online. I'm only responsible for a couple of electives. Now he is in 10th and he's still a pain in my behind but it's about normal kid/mom stuff not all that plus "im you're teacher" stuff. It's better. We enjoy each other again and I can sympathize just as a mom if he doesn't complete an assignment or waits to the last minute It's his education and I can't do it for him forever. I can't keep him swimming. Sorry this is so long but the biggest thing I had to get over was myself. I didn't want him to fail so I kept propping him up. That had a lot of negatives for both of us. It was hard I felt like I was a lousy mom. I completely detached myself from his schooling and felt awful, but it's been the best thing. He owns it. No one to blame but himself And we can celebrate his successes together.....and they are his successes not "ours".

[ktgrok]

Really?  Even if he gets a GED?

 

Oh, if he gets the GED he can, I think? I'd have to look into that. 

[ktgrok]

It's his education and I can't do it for him forever. I can't keep him swimming. Sorry this is so long but the biggest thing I had to get over was myself. I didn't want him to fail so I kept propping him up. That had a lot of negatives for both of us. It was hard I felt like I was a lousy mom. I completely detached myself from his schooling and felt awful, but it's been the best thing. He owns it. No one to blame but himself And we can celebrate his successes together.....and they are his successes not "ours".

 

Yup..this is my issue. 

 

And there is also the trigger of him reminding me of my ex when he does this crap, which isn't fair, but it's what happens. The many years I was the sole income in the house so my ex could attend college classes...which he would invariably fail or drop out of, etc. And it was always someone else's fault. So I get tense with this, and  know that is part of it. 

 

But yeah, he needs to sink on his own. 

[Tsuga]

Honestly, I would say, if he flunks out of your class--like, it becomes impossible for him to pass at some point, then I might consider him a part time student and ask him to pay partial rent. In our home you work or you go to School. The reason I suggest that is he may actually find a job programming (or not). Who knows? At least it's something worthy of him. Call the bluff. "Too cool for school? No problem. Get your butt a job and we'll call it good."

 

Maybe he will actually get a good job. Ya never know.

[ktgrok]

I'm going to give him a report card after the first 9 weeks, so he can get a real look at where he stands. Maybe that will help. 

[gracefor5]

My ASD kid does better with outsourced classes. He is outsourced for math (Jann in Texas' online class), biology (co-op), Spanish (Landry online class), and he takes English in a co-op class with me as the teacher so it is a bit removed from sitting in the living room doing English with just mom. He is independent with history, but he works very slowly in general so history is being ignored for now and bumped to the summer. He plays on a competitive basketball team, and he is good at it. This is an important part of his schooling and life. He is invested in doing well in his classes, but he struggles with time management, prioritizing, and he is hampered by the fact that it takes him 2-3 times as long to do many things as it would take many students.

 

The last couple of years were a struggle for us, and things are much better between us with me in a role removed from the day to day teaching of material. He is accountable to outside teachers, not me. He is doing well and working to his potential. Our relationship is improved.

This is basically my sons schedule also! Landry (same subjects..how funny) and Jann plus and English class. Such a small world

[gracefor5]

Yup..this is my issue.

 

And there is also the trigger of him reminding me of my ex when he does this crap, which isn't fair, but it's what happens. The many years I was the sole income in the house so my ex could attend college classes...which he would invariably fail or drop out of, etc. And it was always someone else's fault. So I get tense with this, and know that is part of it.

 

But yeah, he needs to sink on his own.

Mine is allllllll me! I cuss myself out in the mirror all the time! Lol. I feel your pain, sister. All will be well. Being a mom is hard. Way harder than I thought. Some days there ain't enough wine in the bottle to get through it. Kidding?!...sort of

[Lang Syne Boardie]

Katie, would this possibly work, since he has motivation problems and reality/perception problems --

 

What if he were to get the GED, and obtain a full-time job of whatever type he could get, as the primary arrangement until he turns 18 or is legally emancipated? He could either pay a percentage for room and board, or you could require that he put the same amount into a college fund or something.

 

He is "too smart" to finish school. (I am raising some profoundly gifted sons who would almost certainly drop out of public school because of this attitude, so please believe me that I understand it. Homeschooling them is not easy, but possible b/c we don't have the opposition issue.) He will also feel too smart to sweep floors or wash windows, but you have something to gain from letting him try it:

 

a. He'd get a lot more humble about checking off other people's boxes, once it's in his face daily that he needs to do it in order to stop sweeping floors for a living. I have seen this -- one boy was inspired to go to college, and the other to skilled trade apprenticeship. It helped them to see what "dead end job" means, as they got acquainted with people who would never have any other options, which crystallized the truth that they DO have options if they'll take them.
 

b. He'd have the personal satisfaction of earning a paycheck, even if not at a dream job. This has been a big deal for my boys at his age - even working fast food jobs. Everyone needs to understand that work is honorable and admirable, and to be appreciated for going to work every day.
 

c. You'd get him off the dang computer for over 8 hours a day while he's at work, which might help if there's mild depression or isolation issues at work.

 

Because some of my boys have some similarities and parallel challenges, I'm imagining that this is the route I'd take. Not public school, and no more hand-holding at 16, but let's get some achievements and accomplishments under our belts.

[Pink and Green Mom]

Have you considered talking with an educational psychologist who specializes in ASD teens? She or he may have some additional resources, ideas or support for you.

 

Private ASD/2e/LD schools exist but in my area generally aren't well advertised. One in my area has a testing/credit recovery program which can be a fast track to a diploma.

 

The EF/social issues you mention are very common with spectrum teens. Hugs!

 

 

Yes, to the bolded above.  I live in Florida as I believe the OP does.  I looked for a long time trying to find said schools with no luck.  I asked my pediatrician and he provided me with a list of half a dozen or so within 10 miles of my house (I am in the Clearwater area).  I would not have found them otherwise.

[catz]

Okay, so he can't quit school at 16 without my signed consent. Truancy is after 15 unexcused abscences. But how on earth is that even defined, when he's homeschooled? I mean, if he does one or two assignments a day, that's still "attending" homeschool. But I guess absent from some classes. 

 

I can't worry about that I don't think. And no, no decent charter schools for highschool here. His dad is NOT interested in having him live there. (And Dad is where he inherited this work ethic from, so wouldn't help him do better, trust me. Dad has been trying to get a BS for oh, twenty something years and hasn't held down a job in I don' tknow how long, partly due to heath issues, partly not.)

 

Well, if you skipped 15 classes at a B&M school, I'm pretty sure there would be action from the teacher and/or administration whether or not you attended other classes that day. 

 

A more outsourced approach and more hands off from me is working much better for my kiddo too.  That and perhaps some new found maturity?  But again, we definitely need the wifi limits in place here.  We would be no where without the gaming limits. 

 

Anyway - I really do feel for you.  I was pulling my hair out over my own kid only months ago.  But my kid isn't directly defiant or argumentative either and that makes it trickier for sure.  :grouphug:

 

[freesia]

Well, if you skipped 15 classes at a B&M school, I'm pretty sure there would be action from the teacher and/or administration whether or not you attended other classes that day. 

 

A more outsourced approach and more hands off from me is working much better for my kiddo too.  That and perhaps some new found maturity?  But again, we definitely need the wifi limits in place here.  We would be no where without the gaming limits. 

 

Anyway - I really do feel for you.  I was pulling my hair out over my own kid only months ago.  But my kid isn't directly defiant or argumentative either and that makes it trickier for sure.  :grouphug:

I agree with this. We had a lot of struggles last year, as well (but no outright refusal). It is a so painful to see a bright boy choose to underperform and to have home become a battlefield.

 

I am firmly convinced that my son struggles with being addicted to the internet. He has no control whatsoever and the more he has the more crazy he becomes--lying, yelling, blame shifting--anything to get online. We have always been strict, but are now way stricter. I thought we could relax, but when we upgraded to Windows 10 and lost parent controls-BAM--right back to the grades dropping, lying, etc. We now have a router where we can control which device has internet access.

 

If my ds was refusing to work, he wouldn't have any gaming priveledges or internet at all. I know it would be WW3, but I think that the time online may be part of the lethargy that you (OP) are seeing toward work. The adrenaline rushes he is getting are much more interesting than biology. If there is an addiction, I'm not sure he can self-regulate (especially if it is acting like the drugs he is refusing).

 

I think, in general, you (OP) have made some really good decisions and choices. I have been reading your posts and they've helped me with some of my resolve to be less emotionally involved in ds's online classes.

 

My dh, a pastor with a psychology background, keeps reminding me that the more I feel the emotion he should be feeling, the less he will have to or will feel it. Bleh!

 

Standing with you, sisters. You are not alone.

[ktgrok]

Not sure if I said this before, but he already has a job. He's an assistant admin on a minecraft server, making decent money. He just started last month. He worked hard to get this job. I actually found sticky notes on his desk wehre he'd looked up how to get what you want in a job interview and taken notes! He enjoys it, but it's not all fun and games. My DH is answering questions as needed, but for the most part DS is self teaching and figuring out anything he doesn't already know via online research. So he CAN apply himself. (He doesn't really play minecraft at this point, but has big ideas for improving and expanding the server.) Oh,and because he knew he needed time for school he suggested to the boss another guy to also be a co-assistant admin. That guy is in Scotland. So I think it is very cool he did all this to get the job, is having to work with someone else (in a different time zone) to work together, etc. That's good for him. Taking away internet access means taking that job away, and I don't want to do that. He needs the job socially and developmentally. 

 

We are doing one online class, and it's a bit better, but as I said before, he already missed a quiz from just not keeping up with things. But he doesn't want me to help him keep track of things or teach him to do so, or keep a planner, or anything. 

[Tsuga]

Is this a paid job, Katie? That's great. I can't say moderator jobs are the best inspiration... they are very fun and low-paying IME, kind of like babysitting for people who like kids. But having him pay part of his rent or save for college could be helpful. That's great.

 

 

[ktgrok]

Is this a paid job, Katie? That's great. I can't say moderator jobs are the best inspiration... they are very fun and low-paying IME, kind of like babysitting for people who like kids. But having him pay part of his rent or save for college could be helpful. That's great.

 

Yes, it's paying. And this is more backend stuff, security, all sorts of technical stuff I don't understand.

 

I found this job description by googling, lol. 

 

"A server administrator or systems administrator works with computer networks and ensures that they run efficiently by maintaining software updates, designing and implementing new system structures, monitoring server activity, and auditing server security. These professionals often work for businesses that have a high volume of Web activity or develop software for businesses with online payment transactions or advertising companies. Aspiring administrators usually need to have some work experience in a related IT role and possess at least an associate's degree in a computer-related field. Individuals may also pursue systems administration certification through vendors such as Microsoft and Cisco."

[Tsuga]

Well that's very exciting. I missed that the first time around. While it would make me sad to see my child forgo a classical, well-rounded education, maybe he just needs to build on this for now. He might get into reading about history and literature later.

[Junie]

I'm going to give him a report card after the first 9 weeks, so he can get a real look at where he stands. Maybe that will help. 

 

When I taught in a school, we sent home reports every three weeks.  So much work and so much trouble x 120 students, but maybe it would be totally workable if you were only doing it for one.

 

It might give him a wake up call in time to save his grade.

 

:grouphug: to you Katie.

[chiguirre]

Maybe you could switch to a system where he only works on math, Latin and one other subject until it's done. So, he works on English and only English until he's finished, then biology, then history. He could keep his Linux class and his job. Maybe having only one thing to concentrate on at a time would make it easier for him to handle the workload. Bummer that this system wouldn't work for math and Latin, but you could just do 30 minutes of math every single day until you're done with Pre-Calc and follow the class for Latin until he has 2 foreign language credits and call it good.

 

Do you think he'd get on board with studying for CLEPs? There are teens that concentrate on doing CLEPs one at a time and knocking out college credits on the cheap. It's easy to find a testing center and take the test when you're ready. The goal is clear and, when you're done, you're done whether that took you 6 weeks or 6 months. Does your state offer credit by exam for high school classes? That might work similarly, but on an easier level.

[freesia]

I love the CLEP idea, would that work?

[Danestress]

You are right. It's a long haul. I'm just resentful. And emotional. And he's totally not. Blergh

I just want to say that you are being a model citizen here, being transparent, sharing honestly, accepting opinions that are hard to hear, responding without seeming irritated. I know a lot of Moms who struggle with similar issues are probably benefitting from your perspective and honesty. I am sorry you are dealing with this, but I am glad you feel comfortable sharing it without defensiveness. I am impressed.

[freesia]

I just want to say that you are being a model citizen here, being transparent, sharing honestly, accepting opinions that are hard to hear, responding without seeming irritated. I know a lot of Moms who struggle with similar issues are probably benefitting from your perspective and honesty. I am sorry you are dealing with this, but I am glad you feel comfortable sharing it without defensiveness. I am impressed.

Just liking this is not enough! I am thouroughly impressed by your honesty and transparancy, too.

[ktgrok]

Thanks..I'm honest to a fault. Or open. Or just really bad at keeping secrets :)

 

But serioulsy, I need to talk to someone about it, so y'all are it!

[ktgrok]

So, another thing. I will see my family on Sunday...my parents and my sister (and nieces, but whatever). I'm sure they will ask how DS is doing. And ugh.  I feel like I can't say "oh, he's floundering and breaking my heart" because one, my mother will really stress out, two, they don't get it (I was a REALLY compliant child and my sister was close to it) and three, my sister is an administrator at a local public highschool and will go into how if only he was at a good school like hers.....

 

I just don't want to deal with it. They worry about it, and care about him, but they don't get him. Or his issues. Or that counseling isn't an option because he won't go. Or that punishment won't fix it. 

 

Actually, I lived with them for a few years, so they do know how hard he can be, which is why they worry, but they don't get all the nuances. They love him so much though. And are great parents and grandparents and such and ugh. 

 

So I'll smile and nod and say something. 

[8circles]

I think you need to have an answer prepared that you can practice saying that is both truthful yet not oversharing or prompting worry.

 

Like ... (This is terrible but you get the jist.)

Oh, he's figuring it all out - he really loves his job and seems to really excel at it.

[Scarlett]

I think you need to have an answer prepared that you can practice saying that is both truthful yet not oversharing or prompting worry.

 

Like ... (This is terrible but you get the jist.)

Oh, he's figuring it all out - he really loves his job and seems to really excel at it.

And/ or how happy you are that he doesn't give you trouble with drugs or drinking or drama with girls.

[texasmama]

No one has a right to information about you or your kids.  If people do not respond with support, they cease to get information.  

 

None of dh's family even knows that we have a kid on the spectrum or one with anxiety.  They are not worthy of this information, based on their reactions to other issues in the past.

 

Figure out something noncommittal to say and then change the subject.

[ktgrok]

Thanks. He went to the halloween dance with his homeschool group last weekend, I'll probably switch to that topic. "He's doing well, did you see the photos of him from the dance?"

[Guest]

Complain away! I'd be fighting the urge to strangle him, *lovingly* ;)

[ktgrok]

Complain away! I'd be fighting the urge to strangle him, *lovingly* ;)

 

Trust me, I am. 

 

I also think I'm going to start sending his dad weekly progress reports, to keep him in the loop. Won't do much I don't think, but it might. (I don't think my ex will do anything about it, but knowing he's been outed may motivate my son)

[redsquirrel]

So, another thing. I will see my family on Sunday...my parents and my sister (and nieces, but whatever). I'm sure they will ask how DS is doing. And ugh.  I feel like I can't say "oh, he's floundering and breaking my heart" because one, my mother will really stress out, two, they don't get it (I was a REALLY compliant child and my sister was close to it) and three, my sister is an administrator at a local public highschool and will go into how if only he was at a good school like hers.....

 

I just don't want to deal with it. They worry about it, and care about him, but they don't get him. Or his issues. Or that counseling isn't an option because he won't go. Or that punishment won't fix it. 

 

Actually, I lived with them for a few years, so they do know how hard he can be, which is why they worry, but they don't get all the nuances. They love him so much though. And are great parents and grandparents and such and ugh. 

 

So I'll smile and nod and say something. 

 

You can say something like 'Oh, you know ABC, he's a challenge, but he's making his way. He's teaching me that he's going to have to do this his way, and that's ok.  Let me tell you about his job and how he got it, well, I hardly understand it myself, but he is making money and....."

 

Seems like that answers a lot of questions, but takes the pressure off you to have a kid that performs to standard expectations. 

[Guest]

Tough situation. I think you are right to do nothing and let him fail but, dang, it would be hard for me to provide him with Internet access while he does nothing. I would get really angry watching him play games all day. Hugs to you!!

[8circles]

I think that it would be really difficult for me to personally deal with his personality. But as an outsider, I think he sounds like a remarkable young man. Just different but excellent in his own way.

[KungFuPanda]

Are you desperate enough to spike his food with meds?

[ktgrok]

Are you desperate enough to spike his food with meds?

 

No, because it would destroy our relationship totally if and when he found out. Like....he'd never forgive me. Ever. Even the times I joked about spiking the water in teh house with ritalin (his younger sister is classic ADHD and I am to an extent as well) he got upset, not realizing it was a joke. 

 

Kids with Aspergers can have something about bodily integrity, and the idea of having someone force something into your body....he'd react VERY badly if he found out. And I wouldn't blame him, honestly. 

[ktgrok]

I will say, with me backing off about schoolwork this week he's started talking to me more, about other things. So that's something. 

[MomatHWTK]

:thumbup:

I will say, with me backing off about schoolwork this week he's started talking to me more, about other things. So that's something. 

 

[Scarlett]

Someone else mentioned how great it is that you are being so open about this issue. I want to second that and to add that I am getting so much out of this.

 

Facebook keeps showing me Memories of what I posted years ago and it is making me so sad to see my little boy five years ago and remember how close we were. Him excelling academically is not worth that loss....we still have a good relationship part of the time....but I am trying so hard to find the balance about his education.

[Rebecca]

I have read this thread a couple of times and every time I have this same little glimmer...so I am going to share it. Maybe it will help!

 

My two oldest kids are boys ages 14 and 15.

 

My question/thought has been: how are you pursuing relationship with your son? I want to be a voice of strong influence in my sons' lives so I work to build our relationship apart from school/academics and responsibilities.

 

When things get rough/ugly, I try to work even harder to build a tie with them. I take them out for a soda one on one. I listen. We spend time together.

 

I would definitely be commending him regarding this job he pursued and secured and trying to speak some wisdom into his life around that.

 

I can't remember all the subjects your son is not completing....brain fog. So no help there.

 

I don't know if this helps at all.

I thought I should share.

 

-Rebecca

[ktgrok]

That's what I'm trying to do now, to show him I'm really on his side. We went out to dinner just the two of us this week (after he failed 3 tests in one day). Buying him his favorite lunch while I'm out. Stuff like that. Stuff I actually always did, but he couldn't recognize because he was too busy locking horns with me about school stuff. 

I have read this thread a couple of times and every time I have this same little glimmer...so I am going to share it. Maybe it will help!

My two oldest kids are boys ages 14 and 15.

My question/thought has been: how are you pursuing relationship with your son? I want to be a voice of strong influence in my sons' lives so I work to build our relationship apart from school/academics and responsibilities.

When things get rough/ugly, I try to work even harder to build a tie with them. I take them out for a soda one on one. I listen. We spend time together.

I would definitely be commending him regarding this job he pursued and secured and trying to speak some wisdom into his life around that.

I can't remember all the subjects your son is not completing....brain fog. So no help there.

I don't know if this helps at all.
I thought I should share.

-Rebecca

 

[SharonM]

I got a taste of this today with my 10 year old son. For me it's just one subject (writing) where he bucks me completely and totally. I was on here earlier today asking for recommendations for writing courses for 10 year olds with a teacher that's not me. Today, for the first time in my life, I burst into tears in public (we were homeschooling out today) over our writing lesson. This is up there as one of the lowest days in my life. It's like he just hates me when writing starts. Like a switch is flipped and this anger and hatred come pouring out. We're entering our 3rd year with this dynamic and today the dam burst and I found myself crying in public. (There are only 4 people on this planet who have ever seen me cry-and that was always in private. Ugh.)

 

I knew right then and there that if he starts fighting me on other subjects that I will not continue homeschooling him. So far it's just writing, so I think I can manage it, but I can understand how horrible it would be if he fought me on everything.

 

I say this now, with just my 10 year old giving me trouble, but I *think* I'd send him away to school if he fought me that hard every step of the way on all the subjects. These writing lessons are damaging me, him, and his brother. My dh, who isn't dramatic in the slightest, said that our dynamic over writing is abusive, with ds10 being the abuser. He said it needs to stop.

 

Our plan is to have DH moderate our lessons and see if we can repair whatever seems to happen when it's time to write. If that doesn't work, then DH will do the lessons and I'll be out of the picture entirely. If that doesn't work, it's online for writing and we won't help him at all. He'll either pass or fail his class based on his own motivation.

 

I don't think you're really a failure, just as I don't think I'm a failure. I just feel like one, as you feel like one. I'd be searching out public or private schools now if I were you. :( Especially since he said that you won't let him fail. That would have been the final nail in the coffin for me. It just hurts too much to try to force a kid to learn who turns into a little Mr. Hyde when school starts.

 

I don't know if your son has adhd or not but I know that my son did the same. It was writing that was so hard for him. I finally threw in the towel. Done. Learn it your own self. He struggled his way through college classes he had to take and has turned into a pretty good writer. He is in a masters program now and has to pick his thesis topic. He was telling me about it, and I was laughing because he 15 yr old self was so full of "I will never have to write anything." And presenting papers at conferences...I am enjoying this!

[TechWife]

 

 

Kids with Aspergers can have something about bodily integrity, and the idea of having someone force something into your body....he'd react VERY badly if he found out. And I wouldn't blame him, honestly. 

 

We all should! Good for him!

[Jean in Newcastle]

Are you desperate enough to spike his food with meds?

No honest doctor that I know of would prescribe meds to be given secretly like that,.  For one thing, it is dangerous, besides being downright unethical.  Some meds cannot be mixed with certain foods or alcohol (and yes, I know that 16 year olds shouldn't be drinking but it happens) .  Most drugs need to be monitored - for dosage, side effects, efficacy, and even for how they affect something like your liver.  

[Guest]

I might focus my energy on coming up with a bribe to get him to take the meds. My ADHD, ASD kid is a different person (for the better!!) on meds. But, he is much younger.

[Guest]

I don't know if your son has adhd or not but I know that my son did the same. It was writing that was so hard for him. I finally threw in the towel. Done. Learn it your own self. He struggled his way through college classes he had to take and has turned into a pretty good writer. He is in a masters program now and has to pick his thesis topic. He was telling me about it, and I was laughing because he 15 yr old self was so full of "I will never have to write anything." And presenting papers at conferences...I am enjoying this!

 

EDITED TO ADD ACTUAL COMMENTS.  Sigh.

 

I am so with you.  My son is only 20, so not as far down the path.  But as part of his internship, he is having to write user manuals and marketing plans.  

 

I will never stop laughing.  LOL

[MomatHWTK]

I have been told, and have observed myself, that there seems to be a maturity delay for academic performance with ASD.  The struggle for me is getting my child prepared with the base knowledge so that if the time comes that he is mentally ready to do the work, he will have the knowledge to do so.  I love hearing success stories, they give me encouragement to keep at it.  :)