SparklyUnicorn Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 You can chime in too if you are an extrovert by answering if you see introversion as a "problem". Define that however you want. So for introverts, do you feel as if people don't get your introversion or assume something is "wrong" with you that you just see as being part of being an introvert? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gentlemommy Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 Yes. All the time. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SparklyUnicorn Posted August 8, 2015 Author Share Posted August 8, 2015 Yes. All the time. Do you feel it is a problem? What do think about other people's opinion regarding thinking this is a problem? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ILiveInFlipFlops Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 Yes, to some degree, but I don't really care anymore. I only care that my uber-extroverted DH is frustrated with my introversion, but there's only so much I can do about that! 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mama25angels Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 Yes, to some degree, but I don't really care anymore. I only care that my uber-extroverted DH is frustrated with my introversion, but there's only so much I can do about that! Hugs to you! I'm introverted and my is uber-extroverted and he definitely sees it as a problem, I don't like being an introvert because I suffer trying to keep up with my dh when I'd rather stay home. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
UncleEJ Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 DH is the only one who seems to mind. He thinks I'm neglecting or ignoring him if I read to much. Sigh. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pawz4me Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 No. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SparklyUnicorn Posted August 8, 2015 Author Share Posted August 8, 2015 I'm lucky my DH is also introverted. In fact, as we speak I'm sitting here at my computer doing this and in the same room is my husband on his computer and at the same time watching some sort of German detective show. So we are together, but on our own terms. LOL 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
snickerplum Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 We moved around when I was little (Air Force) and my introversion shines when I'm in new surroundings. I was often assumed to be stuck-up due to quietness. I'm still not one to jump into conversations with people I don't know, so I really appreciate warm friendly extroverts. :-) I'm also (big shocker) okay with staying home for long periods of time (in winter, for instance I don't get cabin fever). My friends who *have* to get out (and also have ps kids) get out for coffee or drinks. I'm okay with not getting out, but feeling left out is no fun. Yes, I understand part of that is on my shoulders. Dh doesn't understand why I don't ask questions or speak my mind in group settings (college class, Sunday school, etc). If I think of questions I write them down and ask later, or discuss my thoughts afterwards. There were a few unfortunate times early in our relationship where he (not knowing I'd die a little) would say,"I think Emily has a question." ?!?! We talked, he learned. :-) 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Upward Journey Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 I'm lucky my DH is also introverted. In fact, as we speak I'm sitting here at my computer doing this and in the same room is my husband on his computer and at the same time watching some sort of German detective show. So we are together, but on our own terms. LOL This is my ideal. We are actually doing the exact same thing, minus the German detective show ;) 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MFG Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 I think extroverts have the problem. Why can't they be content in themselves? (Only being somewhat facetious.) 13 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
desiree77 Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 I don't think people have a problem with me. But I might be so wrapped up in my own head that I don't notice. 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lllll Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 nm 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
meena Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 My MIL has been the biggest pain regarding my introversion. She sees it as a character flaw that should be fixed. She and my FIL are really loud, in-your-face kind of people, which makes it hard for me to be around them for very long without needing to go recharge in a quiet place. If I do this, though, she feels I'm being rude. Even worse, she believes introversion is sinful (we are Christians and talk about spiritual stuff). She neglects to consider all the times Jesus retreated from the crowds to pray quietly. But she will not change her mindset, so I've become an expert at not caring what she thinks :D I'm thankful that even though my DH is an extrovert and fairly social, he does understand and doesn't see it as something wrong with me. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 You can chime in too if you are an extrovert by answering if you see introversion as a "problem". Define that however you want. So for introverts, do you feel as if people don't get your introversion or assume something is "wrong" with you that you just see as being part of being an introvert? I think if anyone has a problem with your introversion, it is exactly that -- their problem, not yours. :) 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RKWAcademy Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 Nope, not a problem. I love being an introvert. My husband is an extrovert and it looks tiring. The only time I've ever thought my introversion was problematic is now that my kids are getting old enough to crave friendships. Well my son is fine with a few friends here and there. My daughter inherited my dh's extroversion. She wants dozens of friends around her at all times. It's hard to quench that appetite for people when (1) I homeschool, (2) I live out in the country, (3) I'm an introvert, and (4) I don't have a big family or live near relatives. Takes effort. Oh, and my children exhaust me. That's an introversion problem. 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 I think it is more likely if one has a bitchy resting face, as it were, or a sullen attitude. Just being quiet tends to make people think one is smart, but being quiet AND intense can be a poor combo. I'm an introvert who is proactive in social situations and fairly intense at the best of times, in most things. I'd say this has caused no small amount of misunderstanding in past. Point of fact? My three best friends growing up all disliked or outright hated me for various lengths of time before I cornered them, persisted in socializing, and they realized I was actually nice and enjoyable to be around. My own mother is now convinced I'm on the spectrum due to some symptoms while growing up and even now. And apparently this makes her feel much better since there is a 'reason' I don't respond properly to social cues, fixate, and cannot attach normally to people. I'm also extremely asynchronous and just a weirdo 'special snowflake? Oy vey! My husband is one of those introverts who gets misunderstood. He is an engineer to boot and very blunt (also ridiculously intelligent and incisive). So when he talks he only does so when he knows he is right and/or has information to contribute. And he is physically very imposing, and seems intense and broody. So he sounds like an ass when he opens his mouth to the uninitiated, is usually correct (and nobody likes feeling foolish, which is what someone bluntly contradicting you and proving you wrong tends to engender), and when his mouth is closed he looks a wee bit scary. We are quite a pair :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 Let me put it this way - if anyone on the forum thinks I'm straightforward, blunt, or opinionated, I look like a world class UN diplomat in delicate negotiations next to my spouse :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SparklyUnicorn Posted August 8, 2015 Author Share Posted August 8, 2015 I think extroverts have the problem. Why can't they be content in themselves? (Only being somewhat facetious.) exactly! LOL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SparklyUnicorn Posted August 8, 2015 Author Share Posted August 8, 2015 My dh and I are both so introverted that I doubt we would have met anywhere other than on-line. I can imagine why extroverts end up with introverts. Someone has to make the first move! I know my mother did. She was always telling me to be more outgoing (in not-so-nice ways). But the truth was, I couldn't get a word in edgewise when she was around because she never shut up. The nicest thing she ever said to me was after I had moved out of the house. She said something like 'I hardly even know you're here when you live here, but it's sure noticeable now that you're gone.' :huh: My dh's mother also had nasty things to say about it. Before we married, she told him something about my not being "like them", and how that would prove to be big problem if we married. And she did her very best to try to MAKE it a problem. :glare: It's funny (and exasperating) to watch the expressions on peoples' faces if they've known my extroverted dh for a while, and never met me, and then meet me. They assume I'm going to be as extroverted as my dh is. And when it's apparent we are VERY different, first they look confused. Then, they look to dh to 'explain' it somehow (which he never does, of course). Then, they look at me like there's something wrong with me and proceed to ignore me, pretty much - no matter how much I try to talk. And this happens every, single, time. Generally, though, I just feel like I'm out-of-sync with most people. I don't have the gift of gab, try as I might. My voice is quiet and doesn't carry. The stuff my dh and friends find funny, I find boring, mostly. I just spent a couple of months with the other 3 introverts in our family. By chance, the 4 extroverts were at various other places. It was so nice. We all spoke quietly and only talked when absolutely necessary. And as one dd pointed out, 'Wow, we can plan our day in less than 10 minutes without X, Y, and Z here.' When I returned home (just me and dh), dh kept saying 'What?". That's when I realized that I had begun talking loudly because dh talks loudly and has slight hearing loss. Oh, and when my kids want to introduce me to their extroverted friends from college, I always tell them to be prepared for these people to be very 'underwhelmed'. Dc say, 'Yeah, we know'. But I think they're still a little surprised at just HOW underwhelmed their friends are, including professors. lol 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ocelotmom Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 People tend to think I dislike them when we first meet. Or that I'm boring because I tend to be quiet. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SparklyUnicorn Posted August 8, 2015 Author Share Posted August 8, 2015 I think if anyone has a problem with your introversion, it is exactly that -- their problem, not yours. :) Thank you. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amira Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 No. If people I meet want someone more extroverted, they just move on to the next person. I've never really understood the memes and books that try to convince others that introversion really is okay or how to take care of an introvert because I don't see it as a problem and I don't feel like others think introverts have something wrong with them. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
snickerplum Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 I know my mother did. She was always telling me to be more outgoing (in not-so-nice ways). Dd9's first year in ballet, I was waiting with her on the first day for her class to be called in. There was a little girl sitting with her mom, watching other girls do cartwheels and spinning (you could tell they'd taken class before). The mom (I'm guessing an extrovert) kept saying things like "you know how to do cartwheels - go show them" and "they're stretching before class, you should too" and "why aren't you going out there with the? Go make friends!" Good grief, lady! Let the poor girl sit in peace. She obviously doesn't want to get up. I didn't say anything because I avoid confrontation. I'm sure she was only trying to be encouraging, but it was backfiring big time. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Upward Journey Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 Nope, not a problem. I love being an introvert. My husband is an extrovert and it looks tiring. The only time I've ever thought my introversion was problematic is now that my kids are getting old enough to crave friendships. Well my son is fine with a few friends here and there. My daughter inherited my dh's extroversion. She wants dozens of friends around her at all times. It's hard to quench that appetite for people when (1) I homeschool, (2) I live out in the country, (3) I'm an introvert, and (4) I don't have a big family or live near relatives. Takes effort. Oh, and my children exhaust me. That's an introversion problem. Ah yes, this I understand well. It is why dd#1 ended up attending school after grade eight. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommy22alyns Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 Yep, for sure. I've run into this especially at ODD's gym. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 I used to when I was younger. Now I really just don't care. Because I realize that nobody else cares either. :P Extraverts in particular appreciate having introverts around. It takes all kinds to make a world. I like people. I am much more likely to talk to people when I don't feel pressured into it. (A sentence that probably only makes sense to another introvert.) 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Loowit Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 Yes. It seems especially hard because I am also extremely shy. I found out in high school that a number of people thought that I was stuck up because I didn't talk much. These are people in a small school that I had known most of my life. I has been really hard in the last few years especially because my DD and youngest are both extroverts. They crave a lot of social interaction and it drains me trying to make sure that their social needs are met. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aiden Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 The biggest problem extroverts seem to have with my introversion is that they don't want me to acknowledge it. On those rare occasions when I've felt the need to explain that I need to stay home or whatever because I've been socializing too much lately and I'm burned out and just need some alone time, they take my explanation as an apology and lecture me about how I need to accept who I am and not feel guilty. Um, hello, that's what I'm doing by telling you I need down time? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mimm Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 I think extroverts see me as snobbish or boring. They don't realize I'm introverted. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommymilkies Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 Some friends don't understand when I lose contact for awhile. I might be overwhelmed, overextended, or depressed and social interaction doesn't help me cope with those. Some people get angry about it. Good friends understand and give me distance or at least distant support via texts. I try to surround myself with other introverts or introvert-understanding friends nowadays. :) 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DesertBlossom Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 One of my best friends in college just thought I was stuck up before he got to know me. That was heartbreaking for me to hear. Especially when I realized some other people thought that too. I have gotten better as I've gotten older (and I'm a lot more secure about myself) so that I'm not so awkward in new situations anymore. I do have a problem with MIL's extrovertedness. I just spent a week with her and she never.stops.talking. She finishes my sentences, chimes in on every conversation she can hear, repeats what I say, narrates her own actions, etc. I found myself sneaking out multiple times a day just for some quiet. My own 5 loud and crazy kids aren't as draining as she is! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
meena Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 Some friends don't understand when I lose contact for awhile. I might be overwhelmed, overextended, or depressed and social interaction doesn't help me cope with those. Some people get angry about it. Good friends understand and give me distance or at least distant support via texts. I try to surround myself with other introverts or introvert-understanding friends nowadays. :) This, absolutely. I have a friend right now who I so appreciate for not being mad when I disappear. I went through a really tough time last year and needed some solace. When I made contact again my friend accepted me back, no explanation needed. I never really associated this "hermiting", as I call it, with being introverted so thank you for making that connection for me. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 (edited) ... Edited June 25, 2016 by Guest 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sbgrace Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 Other introverts get it (my closest friends are introverts). I don't think most extroverts think about things like other people's introversion enough to have a problem? I do think, though, introversion can come across to others as unfriendly or, maybe more accurately, less than warm and/or dull. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fdrinca Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 YES. DH absolutely does. At this point in our lives, by the time we have quiet time together - after kids are in bed and kitchen is cleaned - I want nothing to do with him. (I'd want nothing to do with anyone, he's just the one asking for company.) I am so saturated with mothering and teaching my four little ones that I am in painful need of shutting down just at the time DH needs a conversation, or more. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HSmomof2 Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 Yes. It seems especially hard because I am also extremely shy. I found out in high school that a number of people thought that I was stuck up because I didn't talk much. These are people in a small school that I had known most of my life. I has been really hard in the last few years especially because my DD and youngest are both extroverts. They crave a lot of social interaction and it drains me trying to make sure that their social needs are met. I'm this way, too.....I'm very shy, and I think it may come across as rude or stuck up to people. Even when I really try to engage and do what I consider a lot of talking in a group situation, someone always has to comment how 'quiet' I am. It's so defeating because here I am dying inside trying so hard to make conversation and think I'm doing pretty well......the truth is I like being around others and am quite chatty with people I know well. Sometimes I think I may actually be a very shy extrovert (does that exist??). 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 YES. DH absolutely does. At this point in our lives, by the time we have quiet time together - after kids are in bed and kitchen is cleaned - I want nothing to do with him. (I'd want nothing to do with anyone, he's just the one asking for company.) I am so saturated with mothering and teaching my four little ones that I am in painful need of shutting down just at the time DH needs a conversation, or more. I never thought of it that way, but maybe this is why my friends like me so much better when my kids are out of town. ;) They say I am so much more relaxed and patient and more like a "friend" again. Maybe my kids take up all my social reserves when they are around. I shall propose this theory the next time the topic comes up. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa in Australia Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 You can chime in too if you are an extrovert by answering if you see introversion as a "problem". Define that however you want. So for introverts, do you feel as if people don't get your introversion or assume something is "wrong" with you that you just see as being part of being an introvert? YEs. the twins case manager thinks I have a problem cause I don't chat with bio parents at access visits. I don't chat with anyone. I don't chat. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 I'm this way, too.....I'm very shy, and I think it may come across as rude or stuck up to people. Even when I really try to engage and do what I consider a lot of talking in a group situation, someone always has to comment how 'quiet' I am. It's so defeating because here I am dying inside trying so hard to make conversation and think I'm doing pretty well......the truth is I like being around others and am quite chatty with people I know well. Sometimes I think I may actually be a very shy extrovert (does that exist??). Sociable introverts exist. :) 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 YEs. the twins case manager thinks I have a problem cause I don't chat with bio parents at access visits. I don't chat with anyone. I don't chat. I've caught you conversing once or twice. :sneaky2: At least, I know I've heard your voice before. :laugh: 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gentlemommy Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 Do you feel it is a problem? What do think about other people's opinion regarding thinking this is a problem? I used to...because in my line of work and social/church circles back then, everyone was extroverted. Or rather extroverted qualities were praised more, and introverted qualities were spoken badly about. After researching introversion and personality types, I don't feel there is anything wrong with me, but I am still hypersensitive to accidentally offending those around me, coming off as aloof or snobby, and I do at times do things out of my comfort zone for the sake of those extroverted people I love. I have not managed to make taking care of myself a priority. If I am honest, I need hours alone. Everyday. But that feels selfish. And it looks selfish to others. And they don't understand it and feel I'm being weird or antisocial. Sigh. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flyingiguana Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 Lots of views on this thread. Not as many posts. Is that all the introverts thinking about posting but then deciding the topic has already been covered? I often find that something I was about to say just got said, or was too obvious to say. So I don't say it. But the extroverts have no problem saying and resaying the most obvious things. And then they turn around and wonder why I'm so quiet. I like to think of it as wise. However, there are extroverts who love to be around me. I don't interrupt them much. 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flyingiguana Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 Speaking of husbands -- my husband is a super extrovert outside the family. But he doesn't bother to talk much at home. Me and the kids look like introverts when we're out and about, but we talk incessantly at home. In fact, I find my husband's introversion at home to be annoying at times. I'm trying to have a conversation and he's just not there. Except when he suddenly wakes up and wonders why the only people I talk to around here are the kids. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom2att Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 I think it's a requirement at my church that all church leaders and staff are extroverts. As a result, church activities tend to be extrovert-oriented. It's exhausting, and church is where I feel most out of place as an introvert. Particularly because my church is also extremely evangelical. And yes I think that the extroverts have a problem with that. Actually, people are sometimes surprised that I strongly identify as an introvert. After all, I lead a large homeschool group and interact with people like crazy as a function of that. But as the leader, I get to manage that output, as well as the recovery time needed. Fortunately I'm married to an introvert and my kids are all varying degrees of introvert. My home is my sanctuary as we all quietly go about our business. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SparklyUnicorn Posted August 8, 2015 Author Share Posted August 8, 2015 Yes, my DH doesn't get it and thinks that it's a choice. He once said to me, "You should try being an extrovert, it's fun!" :glare: I think being an introvert is fun! 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amira Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 I guess that for me, I want to spend my time with people who let me be me no matter their personality style. My two favorite people in the world outside my family are two very extroverted people. But they know that I'm an introvert so when they come to visit us, they ask how many days I can handle having them there and they're fine if I disappear in my room for an hour or two every day while they're visiting. I don't think it's a function of being extroverted that some people think others should do things differently. It's just the way some people are. There are introverts out there that I don't want to be friends with because they don't approve of me in other ways. I think most extroverts are reasonable people who get that not everyone is like them. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laura Corin Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 No. It doesn't seem to be a problem. However, I read once that the UK has many more introverts than does the US - I think the extraverts all got on a boat. 19 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SparklyUnicorn Posted August 8, 2015 Author Share Posted August 8, 2015 No. It doesn't seem to be a problem. However, I read once that the UK has many more introverts than does the US - I think the extraverts all got on a boat. Maybe I need to move! LOL 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Granny_Weatherwax Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 I struggle with knowing when my behavior is based on my introversion (needing to recharge) or when its due to defense mechanisms (pulling away for protection). 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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