maize Posted July 17, 2015 Share Posted July 17, 2015 So we've had recent threads about how we might manage without a bread-winning spouse. What kind of contingencies plans have you all made for your family if you die or become disabled? Dh and I recently updated our wills, I am feeling pretty comfortable about the guardians we have picked for our kids if the unthinkable happened and both of us died in a car crash or something. They would go to a family with a stay at home parent who would even be open to continuing to homeschool. But what if just I were gone? I don't know how dh would cope with raising the kids and running the household on his own. I do have my own life insurance policy and have told him to use that money to pay for childcare, schooling/tutoring, housekeeping help...but I worry about how things would really work out without me. I'm the one who keeps the household going, knows and understands everyone's needs, keeps the calendar together...I just don't see a way to replace mom. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ann.without.an.e Posted July 17, 2015 Share Posted July 17, 2015 Ya'll are depressing :lol: Seriously, I have no idea. Kids would probably have the shock of no mom and school all at the same time. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted July 17, 2015 Share Posted July 17, 2015 This is why people advise carrying life insurance on both spouses. All the things that a stay at home spouse does, would cost money for the working spouse to replace. --should there be enough insurance for private school? --should insurance cover enough so that surviving spouse can change to a lower income, but more flexible job? --should insurance cover the cost of nanny services? Just some of the things to consider. If you aren't getting insurance, you need to consider what things could be done. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farrar Posted July 17, 2015 Share Posted July 17, 2015 If it happened in the near future, dh would have to send them to school. We've talked about private and charter options that I think are okay. We've talked about how he would wait at least a few months. No rush. If it happened while they were in high school, depending on various things, he might oversee them finishing on their own. I'm lucky that dh is really in sync with me about homeschooling, works from home and is available during the day, and is really close with the kids. Obviously if I died, it would be horrible, but I'm sure it would work out. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maize Posted July 17, 2015 Author Share Posted July 17, 2015 This is why people advise carrying life insurance on both spouses. All the things that a stay at home spouse does, would cost money for the working spouse to replace. --should there be enough insurance for private school? --should insurance cover enough so that surviving spouse can change to a lower income, but more flexible job? --should insurance cover the cost of nanny services? Just some of the things to consider. If you aren't getting insurance, you need to consider what things could be done. Yep, I have a $250,000 term policy but with everything that would be needed I may want to increase that. We have a lot of kids, including an infant who is going to need care for many years. Dh has a larger policy because we were planning to replace income, but I'm thinking now I need to re-evaluate my own policy. Also, I didn't work long enough before staying home with kids to have much of a social security benefit. I know if dh died the kids and I would get a survivor benefit, but I suspect I don't have enough work credits for them to get a benefit if I die. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Junie Posted July 17, 2015 Share Posted July 17, 2015 My dc would be enrolled in a local private school. Ds will be old enough to drive soon. When ds was about 6, he gave me permission to die when he turned 18. He said that he would be an adult and could help raise the younger ones. He had also figured out that his oldest sister would be 16 and she would be a big help as she would also be able to help with driving. So, I'm not allowed to die for about three more years. :) 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amira Posted July 17, 2015 Share Posted July 17, 2015 It would be a lot easier now than it would have been in the past. I've always had life insurance for me, but now that the boys are older figuring out what to do about school wouldn't be so hard. The two high schoolers don't need a parent there all the time and could finish high school the way we've planned and my youngest hasn't homeschooled at all so far. If I had died when the older two were younger, dh would have put them into school. That bothered me a lot- not so much the going to school, but having two big adjustments like that at the same time. I am glad to be past that point. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MEmama Posted July 17, 2015 Share Posted July 17, 2015 DH would have to send our son to public school, unless maybe he was nearing graduation or something. That would be the least of the tragedy, I'm sure. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J-rap Posted July 17, 2015 Share Posted July 17, 2015 We're beyond that age now, but our plan was that our kids would have to go to PS if I weren't around. That's alright, as we actually liked our PS schools here. However, I had a life insurance plan on myself that would have covered someone to come in and help around the house a bit: light housekeeping, laundry, some meals. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
texasmama Posted July 17, 2015 Share Posted July 17, 2015 My plan is to make it nine more years. 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
edelweiss Posted July 17, 2015 Share Posted July 17, 2015 My plan is to make it nine more years. Yep. I'm determined not to die for 6 more years in case DD12 wants to homeschool all the way through. Seriously, there is no way that DH could handle homeschooling if I was gone. DD14 is starting high school at a private school this fall. I have no doubt that DH would just enroll DD12 there as well. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JumpyTheFrog Posted July 17, 2015 Share Posted July 17, 2015 Just a few days ago I made a rough outline of what most self-directed curricula I'd recommend DH have my oldest do from 4th-8th grade. I have math for high school listed, but nothing else yet. I plan to add a list of reputable online classes for middle and high school as well. I have also found two possible private schools that might work. Now I just need to list the 1st-3rd grade resources for my second child. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted July 17, 2015 Share Posted July 17, 2015 My kids would most definitely go to school. No question. At least we're past early elementary. I think they'd be ok if they had to go. Honestly, my dd would probably love school. They'd probably end up in school if DH died too. I'll really pulling we both keep kicking for at least 7 more years! :) We actually carry more life and disability insurance on me right now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HSmomof2 Posted July 17, 2015 Share Posted July 17, 2015 My life insurance would cover private school, if something happened to me. Or, I've told dh to find a nice new wife that would be willing to homeschool. 😉 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jackie Posted July 17, 2015 Share Posted July 17, 2015 If I were to die, DH would make some financial adjustments and hire a nanny/governess who could do the schooling. It would actually be relatively straightforward as far as that part goes. If DH were to die, it would be much more complicated. Enough life insurance for DD and I to manage long-term would be an awful lot. We have floated the idea of enough life insurance to afford a nanny while I go back to school to change to a higher paying field so that I could then implement the nanny-as-primary-educator plan. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bibiche Posted July 17, 2015 Share Posted July 17, 2015 DS takes a lot of classes already, and is a pretty independent learner, so I think he would be okay academically and wouldn't need to go to school. We have a lot of friends in academia who would let him sit in on their classes. I try not to die though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hwin Posted July 17, 2015 Share Posted July 17, 2015 They would go to school - the little ones, at least. I think my husband would try school for my oldest and then end up asking grandparents to assist with homeschooling. My big kid was not made for classrooms lol My husband has been the teacher, and so have both grandmothers. My nephews are homeschooled and my sister in law has done lessons with all of our kids, so it's possible there would be some help there. If he did want to keep doing it, I think it would just be a matter of someone being able to plan lessons. Which is kind of my thing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crimson Wife Posted July 17, 2015 Share Posted July 17, 2015 We have life insurance on me that would pay for private school and an afterschool nanny. DH would also move to be near either his parents or mine (depending on job opportunities). What I worry about is not me dying but getting seriously ill or disabled to the point where I can't take care of the kids but there's no life insurance money. I actually looked into disability insurance one time and there's no such thing for SAHM's. Which is really stupid because if I were working as a nanny or housekeeper, I could buy a disability insurance policy. Seems to me that I should be able to buy a policy that pays the cost to outsource the housekeeping and childcare tasks I perform. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted July 17, 2015 Share Posted July 17, 2015 We have life insurance on me, and my inlaws were homeschoolers (and my FIL taught math and science at a private Christian high school). Chances are my husband would keep working during the day and my kids would go with my inlaws for their education, or even one of my friends in the short term. There aren't a bunch of Christian or charter schools here I'm particularly impressed with, so my husband would make it work to have the kids educated at home by someone, if not him. We have talked about it. Despite his insistence I'm not irreplaceable and home educating isn't rocket surgery - they'd manage without me, and probably do better since I am not the most patient teacher on the planet! Hilariously, I am probably the least qualified teacher in my immediate family up here. They're extremely intelligent, highly competent, and all experienced in either being students or teachers in home education. They'd manage just fine without me, though the dinners would be bland and they'd be purchasing their knitted scarves and hats instead of getting custom from me ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Garga Posted July 17, 2015 Share Posted July 17, 2015 I have a vague outline of what I'd do if DH died. He gets a little perplexed when I mention things like, "Well, if you died I'd blah blah blah." He thinks I'm being ghoulish, but I tell him that if he were gone my entire life would change, but if I were gone, his entire life wouldn't. I'm not being ghoulish. I'm just being practical. I finally asked him, "So, what would you do if I were gone? What's your plan for the boys?" He just blinked. It had never crossed his mind to have a plan at all. I really like the poster who has researched independent curriculum for her DH to get in the event of her death. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
umsami Posted July 17, 2015 Share Posted July 17, 2015 I think it would be a disaster, and all the life insurance $$ in the world wouldn't change it. There's a good chance that my husband would feel so overwhelmed that he would send the kids to live with relatives in Egypt. That would mean losing their Mom (and Dad), grandparents, friends.... as well as going to live in a completely foreign culture, with a different language, different school system/expectations, etc. DH is completely clueless about the US system, what is valuable/important for getting into college, etc. It's such a different system than Egypt (where all that matters is scoring the highest possible score on the high school exams (kind of like le Bac in France). 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danestress Posted July 17, 2015 Share Posted July 17, 2015 Part of what I liked about homeschooling was the family building aspect. If I died, I am not sure I would want my children to be homeschooled by someone who was paid to do so or who didn't love them as I did, who was fully committed to being there for 12 years. I would have hoped a friend would help for the school year, and then, unless the very perfect situation arose, I think they would have gone to school -public or private. When I married DH, he actually was a widow with a young child. He had been widowed and single parenting for over 3 years. He had learned and managed. When a parent dies, the hope of a perfect childhood does too. Of course there is no perfect childhood, but as a mom, it's sort of what I shoot for. One thing I learned from my experience is that when that is gone, you are left with 'doing the best we can.' And they did ok. DH had to figure out a lot of mom stuff his wife had handled - he had to buy kids clothes and shoes, figure out meals, find sitters, schedule doctor appointments etc. But much harder was just living with his grief and his son's, being lonely, not having someone to talk to or make decisions with, and worrying about his son's emotional health. A lot of things about their life were different than how I or his first wife would want them. They ate a lot of convenience foods. They watched a lot of TV. Their housekeeping was casual. But they were close, loving, laughed together, and ..., managed. I know my DH could manage. I think your husband probably would too. Lots of things would not be ideal, but compared to losing a Mom, many of them would not seem as important. When I considered dying, I knew the things I should really worry about were things like who he might marry next or even spend a lot of time with. My husband was single much longer than most widowed men his age are. I thought about how much my parents and his would be involved, how my children would remember me, how they would be financially, how they would learn to cope with grief and loss, and what it is like when your parent, grandparent and other family is also dealing with heart ache. But mostly I just reminded myself that they would have different live than if I lived, but they would be okay, and that planning is good, but that I can only control what I can control, and that meant just trusting DH and our families and God. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Evergreen State Sue Posted July 17, 2015 Share Posted July 17, 2015 My plan is to make it nine more years. We never liked our options of who would raise the kids if we died, so we just decided to make it until the youngest was 18. I'm happy to report that we made it! I know that was like burying our heads in the sand, so if you (general you) have some good options, I'd made it official. Even though the government says a person at 18 is an adult, they still have some maturing to do. If dh and I died now, we would still need someone to guide them through the process of what you do when your parents die. We're planning on making it at least another 10 years. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AimeeM Posted July 17, 2015 Share Posted July 17, 2015 If I were to die, the boys (DS3 and DS6) would likely go to one of the K-8 Catholic schools here. We're still floating between two parishes right now (for Mass), both of which have excellent schools attached. Unfortunately, I've had the opportunity to see just how incredibly supportive they are with children when there is a death in the immediate family. They also have very small class sizes. We aren't sure what would happen with DD13 (turning 14 in August; grade 9 this fall) and school. There are two catholic high schools in the area, neither of which would be a reasonable choice for her (they have told us as much) with her 2E status. One is classical and requires serious writing across the curriculum (she is still working through Writing and Rhetoric book 3) and the other is SO "rigorous" that her friends who attend, who AREN'T dyslexic, are struggling. The public school would be no better, as we live in a state that doesn't recognize dyslexia as a special need. My hope would be that she could be independent for her content subjects, utilize online or DVD based classes for Latin/Second Language, and have a tutor for English Language Arts. DH would have to hire a nanny - probably a live in one, with the rate of regular travel he does for work. The other, better option, would be to move my mother into the house as she would be thrilled to help with the children. If something were to happen to both of us, my mother would have the children if DD still wasn't of legal age to take them. DD has made clear, though, that if she's over 18 and we pass, she wants custody of the boys; we said that would be fine as long as she moved to be near family, did NOT work (we want her to stay in college and finish that first). In that situation (actually, in either situation where we both die - my mother taking them or DD taking the boys), life insurance would be doled out by a third party to whomever has custody of the children. Just because DD would still be learning money management skills, we would probably ask that social security or any other money for the boys also be doled out by someone else (part of why we'd want her to move close to family, as we have none here). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sneezyone Posted July 17, 2015 Share Posted July 17, 2015 If I die, DH will use my small policy to bury me and send the kids to private schools. He'd probably bring my mom in to help with them until they graduate or he remarries. The kids would get my SS benefits and his income covers all bills anyway. I've been working myself out of a job for years so I think they'd be fine. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
texasmama Posted July 17, 2015 Share Posted July 17, 2015 We never liked our options of who would raise the kids if we died, so we just decided to make it until the youngest was 18. I'm happy to report that we made it! I know that was like burying our heads in the sand, so if you (general you) have some good options, I'd made it official. Even though the government says a person at 18 is an adult, they still have some maturing to do. If dh and I died now, we would still need someone to guide them through the process of what you do when your parents die. We're planning on making it at least another 10 years. We have no good options so we are waiting until college girl is a wee bit older and more mature and will likely assign her as guardian. We have local friends who will help homeschool, and my sons will be in 9th grade next year so they are approaching the age at which they are more independent and are outsourcing more subjects. Little dd would love and do well in just about any private school environment, and I think that would be the best option for her. My boys are inches from the finish line, so so speak, which is odd given that they are 12 and 14. So maybe a few feet from the finish line. I have one child who will need a great deal of support and help long-term, but we have no great options so I have decided to stay alive. I know this is not the best approach, but it is what I have. I am envious of those who have good options. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kristi26 Posted July 17, 2015 Share Posted July 17, 2015 My kids would end up in public school. No question. DH can't homeschool them on his own. His job is far too demanding. He'd have to send them all to school, which wouldn't actually be terrible in our current situation. We are in a great district now (we weren't when we started homeschooling). I don't know what he'd do about the upkeep of the house or making meals. He can cook, but as I said, he is a busy man at work. I can't imagine him coming home and then making dinner too. I suspect he'd teach the kids how to make dinner. This would ALSO be a good thing for my kids to learn...hmm, maybe I should get on that...;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happypamama Posted July 17, 2015 Share Posted July 17, 2015 If I died, DH could call up OneNote and see what was on the plans for that day! LOL! Practically speaking, though, he'd probably work something out with grandparents pitching in to help, and our oldest is pretty grown up. My parents are mostly retired and are former homeschoolers/public school teacher, so between them and DH, they'd manage. I wouldn't want my big kids in school if they could make something else work, and I'd definitely not want the babies in daycare if they could avoid it. Thankfully, my parents feel the same way, so I'm pretty sure pitch in as much possible. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted July 17, 2015 Share Posted July 17, 2015 If I died, DH could call up OneNote and see what was on the plans for that day! LOL! Practically speaking, though, he'd probably work something out with grandparents pitching in to help, and our oldest is pretty grown up. My parents are mostly retired and are former homeschoolers/public school teacher, so between them and DH, they'd manage. I wouldn't want my big kids in school if they could make something else work, and I'd definitely not want the babies in daycare if they could avoid it. Thankfully, my parents feel the same way, so I'm pretty sure pitch in as much possible. Yeah, my husband has homeschooled them when I'm in board meetings - he knows how to log into my Scholaric and get the basic lesson plan. And the kids are self directed enough to help him out with the rest :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
myfunnybunch Posted July 17, 2015 Share Posted July 17, 2015 Thanks to the other thread, we are making our master "in case of" list. I have "Make a comprehensive schooling plan" on my to-do list. Dh would have to put the kids in school. It would be ok, as we have decent schools. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ausmumof3 Posted July 17, 2015 Share Posted July 17, 2015 I think in the short term family would be totally capable of the homeschooling and long term they would probably go in to school. It's possible that family would homeschool them for longer but I wouldn't expect that of them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arcadia Posted July 17, 2015 Share Posted July 17, 2015 If I die, kids would go to private school right away instead of waiting until high school. Hubby can't work from home and he doesn't like the idea of nannies/governess. We have toured private schools over the years so we have a shortlist. If hubby were to pass, then we would be limited in the outside classes our kids could attend as I don't drive. For some classes, public transport is doable and/or I know parents who could carpool us for a token fee. For others like cello, it would mean paying for the teacher to come over to our home instead. We have no relatives in this country so if both of us die, kids would be flown home to grandparents and the big extended family. Our consulate is relatively nearby and would help. I actually looked into disability insurance one time and there's no such thing for SAHM's.Does your husband's company offer disability insurance for the immediate family at a reduced/negotiated rate? My husband's employer does but the premiums for family members aren't that great and I haven't check with private insurers on the premiums for disability insurance. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joyofsixreboot Posted July 17, 2015 Share Posted July 17, 2015 I'm pretty sure dh couldn't cope. I suspect it would fall to soon to be 17 yo did. If we both go my 23 yo did gets the minors. She would have to continue to work so PS and childcare. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FaithManor Posted July 17, 2015 Share Posted July 17, 2015 There is life insurance on me, not as much as for dh but enough to get him through hiring tutors to get the kids done with homeschooling or with an online school if they would accept our documentation of credits earned thus far...though they all have scored so high on the ACT they could begin using the good CC online full time and skip the typical high school graduation route. At any rate, between tutors and a good friend of mine, the boys would finish. We could have faced this last year since when I arrived at the hospital after the accident they thought I had massive internal bleeding. I keep transcripts, course descriptions, and text lists up to date plus a portfolio of writing, lab reports, and tests for each boy. But, since our local PS's do not accept any homeschool credits nor do they test for placement, as high schoolers, PS would be a disastrous option as they would start back at the beginning...you know...my kid in calculus would be sent back to algebra 1 and not graduate until he was 20 something! :banghead: Believe me, laying there on that backboard, it actually occurred to me that dh needed to make immediate arrangements for CC, tutors, online school, something. At any rate, I lived to tell the tale and will hopefully be around to see our youngest graduate in three years, our middle boy this coming May 2016. OH GOOD NIGHT! We just survived eldest boys' senior year. Senior pictures are coming up yet again, last ACT's, college applications, essays galore....I haven't recovered yet. If I go balmy this fall and start posting bizarre, incoherent twat you'll know why! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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