Homeschooling without community on purpose

[LisaWuertz]

There are several homeschool groups in my community as well as online forums with Yahoo and Facebook. And they are great. Park dates! Field trips! Fellow mama support and nights out! Etc!

 

Which is all fine and dandy except I'm a total introvert. So going to one of these things is more exhausting and draining than energizing. I feel like I can't get anything else done the whole day when we have a three hour park date.

 

And I'm in a place where I have a pretty clear vision about what we are doing, rare questions come up anymore. If they do, an online forum usually has a better and quicker answer than a moms night out or park day.

 

We are already out of the house several times a week with church, ballet, baseball and our own topics of study related field trips.

 

So, I casually mention to DH that I'm probably going to ditch being involved in the local groups next year for all of the above and he was not happy and said none of my reasons were good, but rather evidence that I need to be around people and leave the house more. Gah! He's a total extrovert. Admittedly, so are our kids.

 

So now I feel all weird about my "good" idea. There's got to be a balance of meeting the extrovert and introvert needs which I thought my plan did well.

 

That's the thing that is always promoted for all these activities, co-ops, CC, support groups, etc: giving a sense of community. But I just don't think I really need it, at least this next year (this could be the 104* summer that makes me want to be a hermit along with recovering from two weeks of nearly daily ballet dress rehearsals talking though too).

 

Do any of you homeschool without a lot of involvement in your local homeschool community and love it?

[Arcadia]

So, I casually mention to DH that I'm probably going to ditch being involved in the local groups next year for all of the above and he was not happy and said none of my reasons were good, but rather evidence that I need to be around people and leave the house more. Gah! He's a total extrovert. Admittedly, so are our kids.

Hang out at the library or at your favorite cafe. It does fulfill your spouse's "condition" of being around people and leaving the house more :)

 

I am neither introvert not extrovert but I won't enjoy being out everyday just for the sake of going out. I want to just relax at home and watch my kids play. My kids and I are not in any meetup homeschooling group mainly due to me being a non-driver. My kids are happy mixing with kids who are homeschoolers, private school and public school kids in their weekly activities so we didn't see a need to add in weekly homeschoolers meetups. My kids are all over the shop academically so it's hard to talk shop with other homeschooling moms as well. It is easier to talk to PS moms most of the time.

[MEmama]

We aren't involved in the larger homeschooling community at all. DS gets enough interaction for him between all his sports (some of which are through the public schools), volunteer work, and occasionally getting together with friends. I admit that I'd love to find him an outside class to take--and he's totally open to the idea--but I haven't turned up anything of interest. He's not interested in taking a class he deems a waste of time or that will take time away from his regular schoolwork.

 

Just as public schooling isn't necessary for learning, neither is an full social calendar necessary for well rounded kids (or adults!). I'm sure you wouldn't insist that your husband spend less time around other people, and as long as your kids are happy and thriving his request that you change personality strikes as rather misguided.

 

I find I have little in common with most homeschoolers, who in our area tend toward the Waldorf end of the spectrum. We homeschool because DS thrives on academic challenge, so there's not much common ground there. My guess is by high school there might be more opportunities, though still likely not within the homeschooling exclusive community.

[8filltheheart]

My kids don't do anything with our local homeschool community except the VERY odd field trip (like going to watch a ballet). They have lots of time with friends and are involved in activities. The activities just aren't geared toward homeschoolers. Homeschoolers tend to want to do their activities during the school day. We do not interrupt our school day lightly. Almost anything offered during the day is going to be a no-go for our family.

[regentrude]

I don't see involvement in a homeschool community as necessary. The important question is whether your children's need to socialize and find friends is met with the opportunities they have. If the other activities satisfy this need, great. If they don't, you may need to find a compromise between their needs as extroverts and your needs as introvert. But there is no reason interaction with others needs to be coming from specific homeschool groups.

 

I don't need our homeschool group to homeschool. We attended our play groups at those periods when my children had good friends in the group with whom they wanted to spend time. We tried, and ditched, coop because it did not meet my academic needs. 

[3 ladybugs]

I don't do a ton with the local homeschool community. I never seem to fit the mold and they can be clique. So I do find other like minded mamas and do things with them every now and then, but for the most part, we just do our own thing. 

 

I agree that asking on here is WAY quicker then asking other moms. I follow the other groups, I just don't always participate. :)

[zarabellesmom]

I could have written your post myself, except for the husband part.  :)  My husband is also an introvert so he gets me.  My kids have neighborhood friends they play with (at my house all the time lately and it's making me crazy), dance friends and soccer friends. That's enough for me.  I didn't like giving up a whole school day to co-op because I felt rushed the rest of the week to cram all the other stuff in.  You can't make an introvert into an extrovert just by forcing them out of the house. Good luck to you.

[Bluegoat]

If you are involved in other kinds of communities, I don't see why the homeschool one is all that important.  I don't do a lot with the homeschool community but more with other groups and that provides a lot of my kids' social outlets.

 

On the other hand, I have used some of the resources they offer, and I can see it is possible I might later to.  I went to the conference this year, and I was thinking about the daytime swimming lessons they have, I tend to rely on them for updates in changes to forms and registration and stuff.  So - I can see that it might be important to me at various points that a homeschool community exists, if for no other reason than to make sure the aspects related to the regulatory systems remains in good order.  That being the case, I do regularly ask myself what my responsibility might be to support those kinds of things.  For me that doesn't generally mean going to a lot of stuff, but I do like to go to things occasionally just to maintain some sense of connection and what is going on.

[wintermom]

I'm an introvert, too, and can understand your view point. I also see your dh's point about isolating yourself from the homeschool community as not necessarily being a great long-term idea for you and your dc. Can't you find a balance where you keep ties with some families whom you and your dc connect with, go to activities that are a good fit for your family, and not "throw out the baby with the bath water?"  I think your dh has your best interests at heart. The fact that he's an extrovert is irrelevant, unless he's the one taking the dc places. Maybe he can take over some of the other stuff (driving dc to ballet, baseball) and let you focus on the homeschool community?  

 

The longer I homeschool (going on 12 years now) the more I discover what options and opprotunities there are for myself and my children that I would never have found on my own. I need that regular contact with people in similar situations to me - right here in my own town. And this is getting more and more important as my dc are going through the high school years. 

[fairfarmhand]

I found something cool about these groups.

 

 

When I take the time to get to know people, I make friends with whom I can SEND MY EXTROVERTS! I don't mind people over at my house, so I take my turn with their kids at my house and I can send my kids to the activities for them

 

But honestly, as an extreme introvert, I understand. BUT....

 

 

It's not all about you and your needs.

 

Your extroverted kids need interaction too and sometimes structured activities like lessons and co-ops can leave them still unfulfilled.

 

If I hadn't stepped outside what I like and enjoy, my 3 extroverted kids would be desperately unhappy and yearning for school. When your kids are old enough to be dropped off, I promise, the investment will be worth it. You will have delicious, decadent time at home...alone.

 

 

So for our family it's not necessarily about "community" as much as it is getting the kids' needs met, my needs met, and finding the proper balance for us.

 

 

[Ellie]

There are several homeschool groups in my community as well as online forums with Yahoo and Facebook. And they are great. Park dates! Field trips! Fellow mama support and nights out! Etc!

 

Which is all fine and dandy except I'm a total introvert. So going to one of these things is more exhausting and draining than energizing. I feel like I can't get anything else done the whole day when we have a three hour park date.

 

And I'm in a place where I have a pretty clear vision about what we are doing, rare questions come up anymore. If they do, an online forum usually has a better and quicker answer than a moms night out or park day.

 

We are already out of the house several times a week with church, ballet, baseball and our own topics of study related field trips.

 

So, I casually mention to DH that I'm probably going to ditch being involved in the local groups next year for all of the above and he was not happy and said none of my reasons were good, but rather evidence that I need to be around people and leave the house more. Gah! He's a total extrovert. Admittedly, so are our kids.

 

So now I feel all weird about my "good" idea. There's got to be a balance of meeting the extrovert and introvert needs which I thought my plan did well.

 

That's the thing that is always promoted for all these activities, co-ops, CC, support groups, etc: giving a sense of community. But I just don't think I really need it, at least this next year (this could be the 104* summer that makes me want to be a hermit along with recovering from two weeks of nearly daily ballet dress rehearsals talking though too).

 

Do any of you homeschool without a lot of involvement in your local homeschool community and love it?

 

We started homeschooling before support groups were invented. :-) I had one neighbor who homeschooled, and discovered another one around the corner.

 

[long story short]

 

Eventually, a county-wide support group, with geographically located park days, developed. I began attending the county-wide park day and the local-to-me park day (first Friday and third Friday), plus any field trips that came up. By that time I had evolved my own schedule (Monday and Tuesday, stay home and Do School Stuff; Wednesday, library; Thursday, field trip; Friday, clean house), and the park days and field trips sort of blew that up. After a few months, I knew Something Had to Change, so I asked my dds which park day they wanted (we enjoyed both), and they chose the local-to-us park day. I quit attending any field trips unless they were on Thursday, unless it was an awesome field trip that I could not do by myself or with a small group of carefully chosen friends. Life was good again.

 

My recommendation is to choose a support group over a co-op, and then to carefully choose the activities offered by the support group (e.g., one park day a month, if they do park days, no more than one field trip a month with the group). I think all the other activities are Just Too Much. You wrote "groups," which implies that you are involved with more than one. Just pick one, because it *is* good to have outside connections; you just have to control them more. :-)

[Alice]

I'm an extreme introvert too. My oldest is in middle school now and although he's also very introverted I am finding it is more and more important to him to have a community of friends. For him that's a smaller group than it might be for a more extroverted kid but it's still important to him. Our homeschool co-op has provided that for him. We're lucky in that it also provides other academic and extracurricular outlets that make it more than just a social thing. I don't think a homeschool group is necessary for community but I do think that kids need some kind of community outside the family, especially as they get older. We found it hard to get that with sports and lessons. Church can provide it. Scouts has also proved to provide it for us. I'd say if you feel like your kids are satisfied socially elsewhere, the homeschool groups aren't necessary. I'd also say that I am finding that the social needs have increased as my son has gotten into the middle school years, even for an introvert. 

[Amira]

I have never been involved with a homeschooling community in 11 years of homeschooling in 12 different places. Usually that's because there isn't one, but also because we don't choose it. We've been able to find plenty of other ways for our kids to be involved in different things and that's something dh helps with because it's more important to him than to me.   I do think it's important to make sure kids have different opportunities to get out of the house, but homeschooling groups aren't the only way to do it and it's entirely possible there are other options out there that meet the needs of your family.  

[Dmmetler]

What I see is that new homeschoolers gravitate to the groups, but that they tend to spin off and do their own thing after awhile (which is why it can feel cliquey). If you've got a couple of friends for your kids, and support when you need it, you're good. You just may be at the point that you no longer need groups.

 

I will say, though, that when I skipped a co-op semester because I didn't like the theme, DD started fighting me on it. I truly hadn't realized how important that group of kids, even though DD doesn't share many common interests with them, was to her. So, we went back in the Spring, and will continue in the fall.

[KrissiK]

I'm an introvert,too. However, personally, I think community is very important. Homeschooling is hard! You're going against the societal grain, there are always doubts about how well you are teaching , there are things you can learn from others. I greatly enjoy our homeschool group and get togethers. One day, I was feeling like a failure and I admitted it to all those seemingly "have it together" women and it came out that they are all insecure, feeling alone, etc. No, it wasn't one of those overly emotional sob-fests, but I realized that I am not in this alone and others feel exactly as I do!

[Chris in VA]

I think it can depend on the ages of your children, and how many you have, and if they consider each other playmates. If you have more than one and they get along well, then the need for more outside people isn't as great, IMO. It seems like your family is doing plenty of out-of-the-house things. I would limit, then, according to your needs and theirs, but not slighting yourself.

 

ITA with fairfarmhand, IOW! lol

[Farrar]

I think as long as the kids are also happy to walk away from that community then it's fine. However, IME, most of the outside things we do that are "after school" haven't yielded more close, sustained friendships and that's what we tend to get from the homeschool community piece. It's all well and good to have baseball and ballet and so forth but if you don't have time to chat and play and only sort of know the other kids, then it may not be fulfilling all of the kids' social needs. Or it may be enough for them. I would just say that the decision not to be involved should be joint with the kids.

[EKT]

I am a total homebody and introvert as well, so I completely understand how you feel! I just work really well on my own (ya know, hence homeschooling in the first place, lol!), and like you, I don't feel I need tons of input and interaction from others (on the contrary, I find too much social interaction totally draining and exhausting). This is how I make it work: my family participates in a homeschool co-op one day per week during the school year. This is my max. I participate because my KIDS love it, not because I love it. So, it's a sacrifice I make for them and I really put forth an effort to have fun and enjoy it myself while we're there (I teach classes at the co-op), but the one day per week is my limit. My girls also do dance and gymnastics classes weekly and see other friends for individual playdates probably twice per month, but these are activities I essentially just have to take them to; I don't actually have to do anything other than greet the other parents and sit down. (I actually love taking them to classes because it means I get to sit and read my book while they are enjoying time with all their friends! It's blissful!) So that works really well for my family.

 

A couple of other ideas: 

 

(1) Pick your favorite of the many local groups you get to choose from and say goodbye to the rest (without guilt). 

 

(2) You could start a kids' bookclub (or other sort of club) and host it at your house. This way, you would be at home in your comfort zone, where you wouldn't have to actually go anywhere, and yet you would still be creating a social opportunity for your kids. 

 

(3) Sign your kids up for classes where they get to be with/make friends with other kids, but you don't have to do anything other than drop them off or read in your car. 

 

(4) Take your kids out for trips in your community, but make them solo trips with only your family. (For example, maybe chose two local museums or educational spots to visit each month.) This is something we do a lot; I'm not drained by being out and enjoying the community with just my own kids, but I am drained when friends and other families are along. So, taking trips like this with only my kids is fun for me, not exhausting. Maybe that could work for you? For me, it serves as a good way to be "out in the community" without having to make all these commitments to friends and talk to people for hours. We particularly love to see stage shows and performances because you get to go and sit and watch and experience art, without having to talk to other people.

 

So, in short, I think there's nothing wrong with be an introverted homeschool mom! I do think you should probably make a few concessions so you are meeting your kids' social needs, but you certainly do not have to participate in all 10 groups you have access to! Good luck!

 

 

 

 

[laundrycrisis]

The only reason I stay involved with any homeschool groups is so our kids can know age peers who are also homeschooled.   If it was just about me, I would choose much less social contact and more time at home to get school work done, practice instruments and and keep the house cleaner.  

[Mom22ns]

My kids don't do anything with our local homeschool community except the VERY odd field trip (like going to watch a ballet). They have lots of time with friends and are involved in activities. The activities just aren't geared toward homeschoolers. Homeschoolers tend to want to do their activities during the school day. We do not interrupt our school day lightly. Almost anything offered during the day is going to be a no-go for our family.

 

We never did anything with other homeschoolers. We tried, really we did, but it just wasn't a good fit. Like 8, we didn't leave the house to play during the school day - we did school. My kids found peers in sports, church, and through other interests. None of their friends homeschooled. I felt bad about that, but it never bothered them. 

 

I would base the decision more on how the kids feel about your great idea than your dh. He doesn't have to go and he doesn't have to work around the schedule. However, if they would really miss it, I would consider continuing to help them meet their extroverted social needs. If they would be happy enough to quit, go for it.

 

My support group during homeschooling was the WTM forums, not local homeschoolers. As an introvert that was a far better fit for me than any homeschool group. Your dh needs to get over trying to fix your introvertedness. You aren't broken any more than he is for needing to be with people. 

[zarabellesmom]

Maybe I'm lucky that my oldest is in company dance and many of the other girls are homeschooled. Last year the dance company paired all the littles with an older "sister" in company. She was paired with Sarah (Sarah and Zara lol) who was also homeschooled. Sarah liked all the same activities, books and movies that my daughter liked. It was fantastic.  Z spends several nights at the studio a week and the girls do get to chat and visit. It meets a need that wasn't filled by our time at co-op. We attended two classes in co-op and both times my daughter frequently ended up working alone when her partner didn't show up. That didn't meet the need for community at all. I'm in the south, so maybe church communities are different here, but I can't imagine a situation where that wouldn't meet your husband's criteria for community. Why does it have to "homeschoolers"? Kids are kids. They have diverse interests and nothing guarantees that your child will find a compatible friend there just because they are both homeschooled. Same goes for you. I have a number of close friends and not one of them homeschools. I probably wouldn't talk to them much about it if they did. I tend to depend on the hive for homeschool support and advice and wouldn't want anyone I know personally offering me input on my decisions (I'm kind of defensive that way).

[zarabellesmom]

That's the thing that is always promoted for all these activities, co-ops, CC, support groups, etc: giving a sense of community. But I just don't think I really need it, at least this next year (this could be the 104* summer that makes me want to be a hermit along with recovering from two weeks of nearly daily ballet dress rehearsals talking though too).

 

And I hear you about the dress rehearsals. I was glad when recitals and performances were over. Sheesh. What a drain.

[Loowit]

I have tried a few of the local homeschool groups, both a co-op and a support group, neither of which worked out well for various reasons.  So now I make choices to involve them in other activities that may or may not include homeschoolers.  My DD has made several good friends at dance and is now in a Venturing crew and has made a lot of good friends that she hangs out with.  My sons are heavily involved in scouting, which is a very social program and have made many friends that way.  My kids have done wonderfully without having to be attached to a homeschool group.

 

I am involved in a start up group of homeschool/scouting combo that is interesting.  One of our council scouting people wants to get activities and programing for scouts that are homeschooled.  It is an interesting group so far, but just in the beginning stages.  I am looking forward to seeing where it goes.  So far the plan seems to be once a month outings, perhaps some camping, and so on.  We will see how well it works for our family and decide from there where we want to go with it.

 

I don't find it all that helpful to discuss homeschooling with those who are homeschoolers IRL because we have such different philosophies and ideas.  It can be fun discussions I suppose, but nothing I feel is essential to being a successful homeschooler.  Some of the most challenging parts of homeschool for me are my children's special needs and that is not something that anyone I know IRL is dealing with or can offer helpful advice about.  If I have questions or something often I come here and get ideas or suggestions.

[LisaWuertz]

Clarifications:

-Definitely not planning to quit any of our other activities, many of which involve other homeschoolers.

-Yes, there are several groups here. We have mainly been involved in one of them this last year and mainly for the twice a month Friday park days. I keep an eye on the others in case there is an interesting field trip or event.

-a survey of the kids says park day is really important to them (especially my very extroverted, has a million friends wherever she goes 6 going on 7 year old), so there's that.

-I have a 9 month old (he'll be just over a year when the group starts up again in the fall) and park days at that stage along with keeping tabs on my wander (age 5 going on 6) and my angry one (age 3 going on 4) gives me anxiety just thinking about it. So that along with my introvert/homebody personality is where a lot of this is coming from. I'm not opposed to changing things up in the future, it just feels exhausting right now for next year in particular.

[Farrar]

What if for the sake of your extroverted dd you committed to try and do the park day once a month? That feels like maybe it would be a good compromise.

[HS Mom in NC]

So your kids are 9 months, 3, 5, and 6. Are there more?  There's no way your life isn't going to be exhausting for quite a few years. I have a bunch of friends with families like yours and I've watched it from the sidelines. The question is, how can you best spend your time and energy in a way that best meets everyone's needs? (Not wants, needs.) Maybe listing what each person's actual needs and wants are in two separate columns are would be a good start?  That includes you and your husband. I'm personally amazed at what people will categorize as "needs."  If you're dealing with people who have very different ideas of what should be classified as a need, you're in for some real conflict.

 

Homeschooling isn't the only community out there. Homeschoolers can build community and meaningful relationships through all kids of kids activities. In many of the parts of the US homeschooling isn't very far out of the mainstream and it's accepted by most people without comment.

 

Not every homeschooler needs a homeschool support group every year of their homeschooling years. Not every homeschooler has feelings of insecurity about homeschooling on a regular basis. It can vary dramatically from homeschooler to homeschooler and year to year. Some years, ages, stages, and or kids are more challenging that others for a while or from here on out. 

It's good to get advice in general, but remember that you have to weigh that advice through the lens of your particular situation.  You have a lot of little kids close together-I don't.  But I have had a little with bigs and it's a whole different set of challenges.  If I were you, I'd give more weight to people who have had a lot of little kids because they know all about those unique challenges.

 

Not every person needs everything to suit their personalities (introverted or extroverted) all the time. There are times each person has to put up with things contrary to what they want and sometimes endure things that are even down right uncomfortable -both introverts and extroverts.  I think you're right to focus on balance like you mentioned.  Is your husband someone who recognizes the need for balance? If he doesn't, then that's the root of the problem.  I would hone in like a laser on addressing some very realistic expectations on his part because it seems to me you have a history of moving beyond your own personal comfort zone to address the needs of others, and he needs have that attitude toward you too and he needs to back you up when the children complain that their preferences aren't being met at a particular time.   It's not just up to you to bend sometimes. Your husband should already understand the concept of give and take in family dynamics and your kids need to be learning it some now too.

 

Remember that as kids start being homeschooled full time, the number of outside activities will decrease for the whole family.  Mom needs more time to do instruction and if there are younger kids, they'll have to get used to having less time available for out of the home activities.  Things evolve over time and in group situations like a homeschooling family, decisions often have to be more group oriented than individual oriented. That's just the reality. Lots of things are temporary.  Is everyone in the family (including dad) mentally and emotionally prepared for the inevitable changes that come from 0-18 in the lives of 4 kids?  Do they understand the limits of resources: time, energy and money?  Do they have a clear idea about what the current priorities are and that there will come a time when those priorities will change? Parents should use language that coveys that without apologizing for it.  That's just how life is.

 

[G5052]

We were super-involved locally for a number of years.  I was on the board of a local group, taught my own local paid classes through another group, and was also a Classical Conversations tutor.

 

Then there were financial irregularities with the local group such that I felt that I had to step down.

 

We ended our involvement with Classical Conversations because it wasn't working for high school for us.

 

We stayed on the e-loop of the group with the paid classes and ended up graduating my oldest with their ceremony, which they've done for over 20 years.  But that's all we did with them (they were fine with that BTW).

 

But that's it.  And frankly it was kind of nice.  We are already involved in local activities and did things with friends here-and-there.  We didn't need anything else.

[LisaWuertz]

So your kids are 9 months, 3, 5, and 6. Are there more?

No, four that close is my limit! Ha!

 

Lots of good points in your comment, thanks!

[fairfarmhand]

Oh goodness..I thought you had older kids.

 

 

It sounds like you are busy enough for the ages of your kids. I find it better to think of things in terms of "We leave the house x number of days per week," than considering the exact # of activities we are in because they wax and wane in the amount of committment required. During recital season, park day should take a back seat. In nicer times of the year, park day may be more important again. In the dead of winter, not so much.

 

So my extroverted dd did better when I said, we will get you out of the house 4 days per week (or having friends over too) than me just saying we have this committment and that one. She knew I'd step it up on weeks when her activities didn't have much happening.

[wintermom]

When my dc were really little is when I needed my homeschool friends the most. It wasn't the park days, the organized activities or the theme parties that I needed, it was their availability and flexibility to watch my young dc when I needed it, or be at the other end of the phone when I needed to whine or cry without any judgement. Family and other friends couldn't do this like my homeschool friends could. 

[HS Mom in NC]

No, four that close is my limit! Ha!

 

Lots of good points in your comment, thanks!

 

One of the reasons so many of us list our kids and their ages in our signatures here at TWTM boards is because the number of kids, their ages and their spacing weigh heavily in our answers.  For example, people will answer you differently if your kids are tweens to teens instead of infants through preschoolers.

 

[LisaWuertz]

One of the reasons so many of us list our kids and their ages in our signatures

 

Over 90% of my accessing the forums has been on my iPhone and I could not figure out where to edit the profile or make a signature. That's fixed now. :)

 

ETA: I just noticed that none of the signatures show up in the mobile version either. Probably another reason I didn't think of doing that.

[Halcyon]

We were involved in the beginning, but no longer. My kids both do Tae Kwon Do, and this yer began a project-based homeschool school (sort of an "away from home homeschool experience but with other kids"--weird, but it works) 3 days a week, so socially they are fine. I am also an introvert, so I always disliked going to outings. 

 

I don't know what we will do come 9th grade--DS won't be in the project school anymore, and he does like to be around other kids, so....

[Scarlett]

I think it can depend on the ages of your children, and how many you have, and if they consider each other playmates. If you have more than one and they get along well, then the need for more outside people isn't as great, IMO. It seems like your family is doing plenty of out-of-the-house things. I would limit, then, according to your needs and theirs, but not slighting yourself.

 

ITA with fairfarmhand, IOW! lol

I agree. OP as young as your kids are it isnt such a big deal. My son is 15 now and I work hard to make sure he has time with his friends....it is hard for me bcause I'd rather be home most times. But even still we are hanging with friends and doing bowling, swimming, movies, etc with them...not meeting up with groups really.

[Shellydon]

For me, the point of community to make sure my kids have consistent friendships.  By participating in the homeschooling community, they are able to see their friends several times a week.  If left to my own devices, I would go out much less, but my kids deserve the develop friendships that would not happen if I chose to stay home.  The older they get, the more important this is.  If getting out and involved in consistent activities is too difficult for mom, then other schooling options may be appropriate. 

[Scarlett]

For me, the point of community to make sure my kids have consistent friendships. By participating in the homeschooling community, they are able to see their friends several times a week. If left to my own devices, I would go out much less, but my kids deserve the develop friendships that would not happen if I chose to stay home. The older they get, the more important this is. If getting out and involved in consistent activities is too difficult for mom, then other schooling options may be appropriate.

True. But I belive OP says they already have several activities a week.

[Farrar]

You know, I didn't realize all the OP's kids were that young either... clearly not quite paying attention. This is the age where we spent a lot more time doing things like park days. And one of the reasons I'm glad several years later is that we don't do those things very often anymore... but we still have those friendships. I see people with older kids trying to break in and find a peer group for their kids and it can be harder sometimes - those kids already have their best buds and aren't as cheerfully welcoming as little kids. And older kids need consistent friendships a lot more than toddlers and preschoolers, who are generally happy to make a new friend every time they do something new. On the other hand, I wouldn't want to be spending a ton of time trying to make and cement friendships when the kids are older because at that age school takes longer and I need more time to get it done. So that's part of why I'm glad we did that stuff when my kids were 4-6 yo.

 

This may not totally apply to the OP - you may be building those type of friendships at church or in other activities. Just something to consider.

[Mimm]

If your children are extroverts they may have social needs you should make an effort to meet. I have one extroverted daughter in a family of introverts (though I'm thinking the one year old is also very extroverted, if you can even judge such a thing this early in her life). My extrovert now goes to public school and the lack of social interaction is one reason, though by no means the only reason. And I've had her in multiple activities every year. One year we did TWO co-ops. And it still wasn't good enough. Not that she didn't recognize the effort I was putting into all this. But she longed to make friends with people she got to see on a daily basis. She went to school, made friends and every day I picked her up happy and energetic and bubbly.

 

All that to say, that if your children need more people, community and social interaction than you do, you will have to meet those needs.

 

ETA: And even very young children can have social needs. My youngest is 19 months old and she loves to leave the house every day and starts to get grouchy if a few days go by that we don't go anywhere. One morning she got up, found her shoes, brought them to me. I put them on and then she found my shoes and brought them to me. I took her to the park. :)

[ThursdayNext]

I didn't realize your kids were so little. As an introvert, I would hate being so busy with little kids. I would get your husband to do as much of taking the big ones to ballet and baseball as possible. Try to stay home with the littles most evenings. (Or, I only have three kids, but my husband will take all the kids to swim and soccer, and give me an hour alone, starting when the baby was 8 months. Yes, I'm lucky.)

 

Use the baby's naps as an excuse. "We'll get out of the house more when we don't have to work around his nap schedule." Or "We would love to, but that would interfere with the baby's nap."

 

But for my 6 year old, knowing some other homeschool kids was important. Before, she was very embarrassed to tell people we homeschooled. Maybe settling on one homeschool group you like, so you can get to know the families. Or 2 or 3 homeschool moms you can get together with, friends for kids and you. That way you can make it work for your schedule.

 

What I have right now is 4 homeschool mom friends, with kids similar ages. If you find the right family, they might let you drop the older kids off sometimes. (I'm asking people to drop off a 5 or 6 year old girl at my house for an afternoon!) My husband, though, thinks I need to attend some homeschool teaching classes, or at least join a group if I can find one.

[coffeegal]

Clarifications:

-Definitely not planning to quit any of our other activities, many of which involve other homeschoolers.

-Yes, there are several groups here. We have mainly been involved in one of them this last year and mainly for the twice a month Friday park days. I keep an eye on the others in case there is an interesting field trip or event.

-a survey of the kids says park day is really important to them (especially my very extroverted, has a million friends wherever she goes 6 going on 7 year old), so there's that.

-I have a 9 month old (he'll be just over a year when the group starts up again in the fall) and park days at that stage along with keeping tabs on my wander (age 5 going on 6) and my angry one (age 3 going on 4) gives me anxiety just thinking about it. So that along with my introvert/homebody personality is where a lot of this is coming from. I'm not opposed to changing things up in the future, it just feels exhausting right now for next year in particular.

 

I stay lightly involved in the local homeschool community through park day and occasional nature hikes. It fits the schedule, allows all of us to have local homeschool friends, and keeps me in the homeschool loop. Otherwise, I don't worry about it. :-)

[Tess in the Burbs]

We aren't involved in the homeschool community the way most people are.  We do not do a co-op.  Kids don't want to.  I would like to meet some people myself, but I don't want to be tied to the schedule a co-op brings.  I lucked out this year that the online class my kids are trying for the first time had fall break when we are on vacation.  I enjoy a good social time, but then I need to retreat.  My kids are the same way.  It overwhelms after awhile.  

 

I also agree with others that our day is for schooling.  I don't want activities that interrupt our school time.  

 

My kids both do scouting.  DS is in Trail Life.  It meets weekly.  They do monthly outdoor activity and service.  DD is in American Heritage Girls.  It meets twice a month but there is usually something else each month as well.  Both have a class at church and friends they sit with during service.  DD is also playing volleyball which has brought a new group of people to our lives.  None homeschool and many are dual speakers, so we are learning a lot about another culture/language!   
 

I personally like the get togethers with friends.  It's hard to find a match for both kids, but we do meet up with others from time to time.  I have one friend/kids we really like, but she is so busy we only get together once a month.  But it's a standing get together and we enjoy it.  More than a group event!  I am a member of a local support group with a monthly meeting.  That is more for me, although there are some family events.  We didn't do a lot of field trips last year...kids getting older.  I find they prefer outings with the family.  

 

It's ok not to be inundated with homeschool co-ops/meetings/field trips.  We are still very busy.  I can't imagine having all that other stuff on top of our lives right now.  My ds would like to find one good friend.  Right now he has people he sees, but there isn't a close friend.  DD has plenty of friends, and a few that I could say are best friends.  One is 3 houses away, so she gets that girl time.  

 

I have concerns every year we should be in co-ops or do more with others, but honestly, at the end of the day, I am happy with our choices, and know for us, it's the right thing.  We do go to the library or coffee shop during the day.  I think you need to really look at your kids and what they want to do.  If they are in sports or scouting....it's probably enough.  

[lea_lpz]

I think where you might be going wrong is to count the homeschool group as an activity verses a bonus. If you already have 3+ commitments, adding getting together with a homeschool group 1-2 times a week (or month) would be too much for me to so long term as well. I tended to categorize commitments in different categories, ie, homeschool groups, church commitments, extra curriculars, verses all outside commitments.

 

I am more extroverted. I get cranky if we have no down days during the week. To me two drop off activities and voluntary participation in a homeschool group (averaging 1x a week) plus church on Sundays is plenty. I like having 2 days a week at least we do nothing. I also try to do nothing after church Sundays but go home and hand out. We try to do a family outing Saturday. Sometimes my kids will have a short term Saturday commitment. I send dad, so I can stay home or have time to myself to run arrends.

 

I like the idea of getting out to a Cafe, park or library to do work once in a while, well if you don't have little kids. Then you're around people and don't have to interact. I like that.

[lllll]

..

[LisaWuertz]

But I don't quite understand your dh's thinking on this. You're already out of the house a good bit, around people quite a bit. What's he hoping you'll get from the hs groups that you're not getting elsewhere?

I think I'm starting to see the other side of this as other extroverts and parents of extroverts share their perspective. DH knows there's a special bond with the other homeschooled kids that just get it. We have had neighborhood kids at our door everyday since summer started that don't understand why we are still doing school and during the school year they don't understand why my kids don't ride the bus and don't get to hang out with them at school all day. My kids handle themselves well and respond kindly, but it is nice at park day when those questions don't come up or they can talk about doing school with their families just like everyone else there.

 

However, we ARE out of the house quite a bit. Church is a 2x/week+ commitment with other homeschooling families, some of our best friends. Ballet this last year (2 of the four are in it) was a 2x/week commitment and this summer is a 3x/week commitment (I can never get their classes to line up!). In the fall it will probably be similar to this summer, but possibly 1 day more if we do Nutcracker or less if they have class on the same day. Swim for summer is a 1x/week commitment. Tball in the fall will be a 1-2x/week commitment.

 

And we are not ones to just show up on time and leave right after. We get there early to change and warm up, siblings not in class are socializing with other siblings not in classes. Even on a day when she has classes, it's like DD has a little mental list of friends to say hi to and chat with while putting on shoes or stretching (she loves stretching with the big girls and talking to them). And I don't necessarily try to rush her out the door if she sees a friend and wants to talk for a few minutes. Because of recitals and our annual Nutcracker production she has had periods where she's spent a lot of hours with these kids so sometimes I think she knows them better and has more of a bond with them than even our homeschool friends that we see for a few hours twice a month.

 

All this discussion has been nice and helped me gain a new perspective. Thanks!

[lllll]

..

[Guest]

I don't see involvement in a homeschool community as necessary. The important question is whether your children's need to socialize and find friends is met with the opportunities they have. If the other activities satisfy this need, great. If they don't, you may need to find a compromise between their needs as extroverts and your needs as introvert. But there is no reason interaction with others needs to be coming from specific homeschool groups.

 

I don't need our homeschool group to homeschool. We attended our play groups at those periods when my children had good friends in the group with whom they wanted to spend time. We tried, and ditched, coop because it did not meet my academic needs.

Bingo. I don't need it, but some of my kids do, so we make compromises. I'll do the occasional park play date, homeschool co op on Fridays, and dance class, swimming, etc. But our academics I do as a lone wolf and I like it that way!

[Guest]

I think I'm starting to see the other side of this as other extroverts and parents of extroverts share their perspective. DH knows there's a special bond with the other homeschooled kids that just get it. We have had neighborhood kids at our door everyday since summer started that don't understand why we are still doing school and during the school year they don't understand why my kids don't ride the bus and don't get to hang out with them at school all day. My kids handle themselves well and respond kindly, but it is nice at park day when those questions don't come up or they can talk about doing school with their families just like everyone else there.

 

However, we ARE out of the house quite a bit. Church is a 2x/week+ commitment with other homeschooling families, some of our best friends. Ballet this last year (2 of the four are in it) was a 2x/week commitment and this summer is a 3x/week commitment (I can never get their classes to line up!). In the fall it will probably be similar to this summer, but possibly 1 day more if we do Nutcracker or less if they have class on the same day. Swim for summer is a 1x/week commitment. Tball in the fall will be a 1-2x/week commitment.

 

And we are not ones to just show up on time and leave right after. We get there early to change and warm up, siblings not in class are socializing with other siblings not in classes. Even on a day when she has classes, it's like DD has a little mental list of friends to say hi to and chat with while putting on shoes or stretching (she loves stretching with the big girls and talking to them). And I don't necessarily try to rush her out the door if she sees a friend and wants to talk for a few minutes. Because of recitals and our annual Nutcracker production she has had periods where she's spent a lot of hours with these kids so sometimes I think she knows them better and has more of a bond with them than even our homeschool friends that we see for a few hours twice a month.

 

All this discussion has been nice and helped me gain a new perspective. Thanks!

Given the age of your kids, you're fine. That might even be too much for the littles, it just depends on your family dynamics. Don't sweat it :)

[fairfarmhand]

Oh, I see.  He knows there's that connection.  I used to see that in our dc's interactions with other hs'ed kids.  Even in college, they have a special connection with some of the hs'ed kids they meet.  Dc say those kids aren't afraid of appearing 'dorky' - just like my kids aren't.  And they can identify with the 'non-traditional' lifestyle that my dc see as perfectly normal, while many of the ps'ed kids can't seem to comprehend that other kids may be coming from totally different lifestyles.

 

An interesting discovery about that.  My dc tell me that they're also more comfortable with the kids from other countries - Africa, Greece, among many - sometimes than they are with some of the ps'ed kids who all speak the same slang, dress similarly, carry the same electronic gadgets, and are basically products of the whole pop culture machine.

 

You're very fortunate to have such a perceptive husband.  :)

 

I have a senior and she reports the same thing. She gets alternate viewpoints and cultures and interests much better than her friends who are not homeschooled.

[Momto4inSoCal]

I am an introvert but we are involved in a community. I'm pretty new to homeschooling, we just finished our second year. My kids want to be in a group so I stay in one. I also like being able to get the group discounts for field trips although we only did 3 this school year. I haven't found sports to be very good for social interaction since as a pp said the kids always change and they don't have much time to actually talk to the other kids. I like the idea of my kids growing up with a group of other kids so a community fulfills that but that might just be my hang up. No one knows your kids like you do though and if you feel their needs are being met without being involved in a community I wouldn't worrry about. At the same time I would want to be on the same page with my husband so that's where I would spend time talking things out. How do your kids feel? Do they want to be a part of a homeschool group or are they fine with skipping it?

[Arcadia]

DH knows there's a special bond with the other homeschooled kids that just get it. We have had neighborhood kids at our door everyday since summer started that don't understand why we are still doing school and during the school year they don't understand why my kids don't ride the bus

Now I can see your husband's perspective. My kids identify with computer crazy kids of which there are plenty in my area. Only high school kids ride the school bus as my neighbors would drive their k-8 kids to public and private schools. My neighbors' kids are also in camps or daycare for the summer so we rarely see kids around in the daytime.

 

Your kids are young. Stop whatever activity you prefer to take a break from for a few months if you need to and see how it goes.

 

At my kids age, I could drop them off for paid and free activities and have my quiet/down time alone :)

 

ETA:

e.g. This week my kids are at the free Microsoft store summer camp so I get my downtime :)