Mandylubug Posted June 2, 2015 Share Posted June 2, 2015 We have attended a friend's church many times. We love the church family. They have welcomed us with open arms. I WANT this to be our church. However, some of the "preachings" or "ideals" of this Church aren't what I believe in. Examples would be allowable dress, Bible versions acceptable, allowable music. It is very conservative. I consider myself fairly conservative but maybe I am fooling myself?! My kids love going to this church because it is small (REALLY SMALL) and their friends attend. I love the members there truly. I just disagree with a fairly good amount of the preaching. I tell myself some days NO, absolutely not. Other days, I tell myself that we can just have family discussions and reteach our opinions on the topics at home. I struggle with the notion of us attending a church where I don't look at the pastor as our Spiritual shepherd/guide/leader. I cringe at many things that come out of his mouth and just really don't respect him as my religious superior if that makes sense. Ok, after typing it all out. I feel like it must stay as a No Go for attending. I really do love the people, though :( 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted June 2, 2015 Share Posted June 2, 2015 It sounds like you would be better off being friends with the church members without actually joining their church. 22 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arctic Bunny Posted June 2, 2015 Share Posted June 2, 2015 There's a church like that here that we tried out. All the kids go there, all our friends, etc. I just couldn't get on board, though. I felt like every Sunday I would spent time undoing what had been done, and I wouldn't even know what had happened in Sunday school. So the next week we tried out another church. There are only 6 kids there on a good day, and maybe 50 people in the congregation, but after the first Sunday DS8 said,"Mom, I think that church is more our style." And I had to agree. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mandylubug Posted June 2, 2015 Author Share Posted June 2, 2015 It sounds like you would be better off being friends with the church members without actually joining their church. We already are :( best of friends. We just haven't found one we fit in perfectly. This one at least feels like family when we are there. At least it does till the pastor starts talking. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mandylubug Posted June 2, 2015 Author Share Posted June 2, 2015 There's a church like that here that we tried out. All the kids go there, all our friends, etc. I just couldn't get on board, though. I felt like every Sunday I would spent time undoing what had been done, and I wouldn't even know what had happened in Sunday school. So the next week we tried out another church. There are only 6 kids there on a good day, and maybe 50 people in the congregation, but after the first Sunday DS8 said,"Mom, I think that church is more our style." And I had to agree. That is uplifting to hear! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted June 2, 2015 Share Posted June 2, 2015 We already are :( best of friends. We just haven't found one we fit in perfectly. This one at least feels like family when we are there. At least it does till the pastor starts talking. If you don't respect the pastor and agree with his preaching, I think that is a huge red flag. Also, what if your kids start buying into the things the pastor is saying? Do you really want to have to un-teach everything he says? And what if your kids slip up and tell other church members, a Sunday School teacher, or the pastor that Mommy and Daddy think the pastor is wrong? 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mandylubug Posted June 2, 2015 Author Share Posted June 2, 2015 If you don't respect the pastor and agree with his preaching, I think that is a huge red flag. Also, what if your kids start buying into the things the pastor is saying? Do you really want to have to un-teach everything he says? And what if your kids slip up and tell other church members, a Sunday School teacher, or the pastor that Mommy and Daddy think the pastor is wrong? yeah. I am afraid I can't keep my mouth shut for ever :( I need a church that accepts: NOT wearing formal wear every sunday but allows you to come as you wish as long as you are clothed decently. Feels small (I know this isn't defined by denomination) Doesn't bash the large churches and preach about what is wrong with the big churches (seriously, this is a issue in small churches) Uses NIV or ESV but doesn't condemn someone due to their Bible version preferences if they choose others. Doesn't feel like drinking a beer will send you to Hell but not saying they need to condone drunkenness either. Doesn't only listen/play gospel/hymnal music Has more of a service/outreach/love like Christ mindset and not a check off the lists or you are not worthy mindset. eta: maybe Baptist isn't the right denomination. Perhaps we should branch out. We have been visiting a large, mega Church that is Christian. It has a concert like feel which was cool at first until I realized we were probably losing hearing in our ears each week (left with ringing ears) but if we could find their teaching and less dramatic singing but contemporary none the less, in a smaller church we would probably be content. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JulieA97 Posted June 2, 2015 Share Posted June 2, 2015 yeah. I am afraid I can't keep my mouth shut for ever :( I need a church that accepts: NOT wearing formal wear every sunday but allows you to come as you wish as long as you are clothed decently. Feels small (I know this isn't defined by denomination) Doesn't bash the large churches and preach about what is wrong with the big churches (seriously, this is a issue in small churches) Uses NIV or ESV but doesn't condemn someone due to their Bible version preferences if they choose others. Doesn't feel like drinking a beer will send you to Hell but not saying they need to condone drunkenness either. Doesn't only listen/play gospel/hymnal music Has more of a service/outreach/love like Christ mindset and not a check off the lists or you are not worthy mindset. eta: maybe Baptist isn't the right denomination. Perhaps we should branch out. We have been visiting a large, mega Church that is Christian. It has a concert like feel which was cool at first until I realized we were probably losing hearing in our ears each week (left with ringing ears) but if we could find their teaching and less dramatic singing but contemporary none the less, in a smaller church we would probably be content. You just described our church and we are Presbyterian. A pretty conservative branch of Presbyterian but not quite PCA. I would suggest checking out some other denominations. And no, I would not attend a church like the one you are describing. Good luck finding a great church home! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MotherGoose Posted June 2, 2015 Share Posted June 2, 2015 Maybe you can just go for the social events but not the sermon. I couldn't attend a church with which I disagreed on so many points. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marbel Posted June 2, 2015 Share Posted June 2, 2015 yeah. I am afraid I can't keep my mouth shut for ever :( I need a church that accepts: NOT wearing formal wear every sunday but allows you to come as you wish as long as you are clothed decently. Feels small (I know this isn't defined by denomination) Doesn't bash the large churches and preach about what is wrong with the big churches (seriously, this is a issue in small churches) Uses NIV or ESV but doesn't condemn someone due to their Bible version preferences if they choose others. Doesn't feel like drinking a beer will send you to Hell but not saying they need to condone drunkenness either. Doesn't only listen/play gospel/hymnal music Has more of a service/outreach/love like Christ mindset and not a check off the lists or you are not worthy mindset. <snip> My family likely wouldn't stay long at that church, except for the music. We have our musical preferences but mostly we don't get hung up on the musical style. An exception would be a church we attended that has the organ for every service, every song. And always played slowly. Wouldn't choose to go back there. Really, you can't unteach church. If the preaching is bad/wrong, there's no point in going. Even if you are able to filter, the messages will seep into your kids. And you can't submit to the leaders if you think they are wrong. :grouphug: 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tiramisu Posted June 2, 2015 Share Posted June 2, 2015 As you already realize, if you attended that church and you kept having to revise the pastor's teaching, it *could* negatively affect the spiritual development of some of your children. I also think it would damage your relationship with your best friends because the areas of disagreement with them and their church would fester over time. My family attends a small church and we have had both problems because of those kinds of issues. The important things are there so we stay but I wouldn't go into a new church if those issues are present. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrincessMommy Posted June 2, 2015 Share Posted June 2, 2015 I would not go to a church that I had such issues with. I just wouldn't be able to have a nice attitude about it...and I don't think that would be good for my soul. Several of those things would be deal-breakers for me....not so much the actual belief, but the inflexible, judgmental attitude that comes with it.... and I'm afraid I would be just as judgmental in the opposite direction. I don't know if I'm wording it right, so I hope it makes sense. I'm going to play devil's advocate here: Are you sure they're not trying to get you saved...ya know...because of your worldly beer swiggin', rock listening ways? :coolgleamA: :grouphug: :grouphug: 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted June 2, 2015 Share Posted June 2, 2015 No, I couldn't attend. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MommaOfalotta Posted June 2, 2015 Share Posted June 2, 2015 yeah. I am afraid I can't keep my mouth shut for ever :( I need a church that accepts: NOT wearing formal wear every sunday but allows you to come as you wish as long as you are clothed decently. Feels small (I know this isn't defined by denomination) Doesn't bash the large churches and preach about what is wrong with the big churches (seriously, this is a issue in small churches) Uses NIV or ESV but doesn't condemn someone due to their Bible version preferences if they choose others. Doesn't feel like drinking a beer will send you to Hell but not saying they need to condone drunkenness either. Doesn't only listen/play gospel/hymnal music Has more of a service/outreach/love like Christ mindset and not a check off the lists or you are not worthy mindset. . Yeah, don't join. We are stuck in a church like this and its miserable for the most part. It's my families church and I've been going there since I was a baby. So when dh and I looked for a church we didn't even think much about it. There are good things about it... I love the people (the ones I'm NOT related to) :) But I cringe at what is said from the pulpit sometimes. I get mad pretty often. I disagree a lot. I feel depressed, exhausted, and/or beaten down when I leave. I dread going most of the time. They are older for the most part, and buy in to all of the conspiracy theories on the radio/internet. It's very doom and gloom.. they are very judgmental. I show up with my tattoos and purple hair and just try to keep to myself. But I do love most of the people.... :/ lol 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted June 2, 2015 Share Posted June 2, 2015 I put up with a certain amount of stuff I disagree with, but there is a limit. I would have a problem with being told I can't do certain things related only to the material world. For example, wearing pants. That is a license to other church members to look down upon me based on appearances. No thanks. I also think there comes a point where telling your kids your beliefs are different but equally valid doesn't cut it. At some point it looks to the kids like hypocrisy. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
73349 Posted June 2, 2015 Share Posted June 2, 2015 No, I've found it's important to me that the sermon inspire me, and that I'm not sitting there thinking about how much is wrong with it. (That's why DH and I attend two different churches.) 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scrapbookbuzz Posted June 2, 2015 Share Posted June 2, 2015 Sounds like you've already figured out what you want. We recently switched churches, too. I know, it's hard. But the truth is, if you don't agree when it comes to doctrine, that is NOT the church for you! Have you sat down as a family and really prayed about guidance? How about at least you and your husband together? I will also be praying God's guidance for you and yours. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sunflowerlady Posted June 2, 2015 Share Posted June 2, 2015 BTDT-Almost exact same scenario. It does not get better, it gets worse. Just curious if it is an IFB church. Independent Fundamental Baptist. That is the type we were involved in for several years. That is what your description sounds like to me. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spryte Posted June 2, 2015 Share Posted June 2, 2015 I couldn't do that. I hope you find a better fit for your entire family soon. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted June 2, 2015 Share Posted June 2, 2015 I couldn't stay. We tried a church for a while where there were a large amount of homeschoolers and we thought it might be a good fit even though it was FAR more conservative than we were. Nope......we couldn't stay. Hymns only King James only Dresses/skirts only It was IFB. I agree with the tenants of the faith, most certainly, but the "thou shalt nots" outweighed the nice people. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted June 2, 2015 Share Posted June 2, 2015 No. No. No. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
speedmom4 Posted June 2, 2015 Share Posted June 2, 2015 I did attend a church for many years that I didn't agree with theologically but liked the people and extras. I was miserable. I was dying spiritually. I cannot even begin to explain the joy and spiritual renewal that can happen when you find a true church home. Being in an environment that inspires and challenges me to have a closer relationship with God cannot be minimized. I really encourage you to keep looking until you find the right fit. I'm not saying keep looking for the "perfect" church, because as we all know, that doesn't exist! Elise in NC 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SproutMamaK Posted June 2, 2015 Share Posted June 2, 2015 I couldn't stay. Maybe if it were on my own, but that sort of legalism and judgment is exactly that sort of thing that seeps in to children's hearts and minds and can be VERY hard to undo. In the end, I love my friends from church, but church is not about getting together with people you like, you know? That's what weekend BBQs are for. Church services are about worship, learning, edification, serving God, etc, none of which it sounds like you're getting (save perhaps feeling a sense of community with other believers). 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vonfirmath Posted June 2, 2015 Share Posted June 2, 2015 yeah. I am afraid I can't keep my mouth shut for ever :( I need a church that accepts: NOT wearing formal wear every sunday but allows you to come as you wish as long as you are clothed decently. Feels small (I know this isn't defined by denomination) Doesn't bash the large churches and preach about what is wrong with the big churches (seriously, this is a issue in small churches) Uses NIV or ESV but doesn't condemn someone due to their Bible version preferences if they choose others. Doesn't feel like drinking a beer will send you to Hell but not saying they need to condone drunkenness either. Doesn't only listen/play gospel/hymnal music Has more of a service/outreach/love like Christ mindset and not a check off the lists or you are not worthy mindset. eta: maybe Baptist isn't the right denomination. Perhaps we should branch out. We have been visiting a large, mega Church that is Christian. It has a concert like feel which was cool at first until I realized we were probably losing hearing in our ears each week (left with ringing ears) but if we could find their teaching and less dramatic singing but contemporary none the less, in a smaller church we would probably be content. I have visited Baptist churches that meet all of your requirements. In fact, we attend a "First Baptist" currently that fits all of them except for "Feels small" (depending on your definitely of small. We regularly have about 500 people attend on a Sunday morning, over 3 service. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katy Posted June 2, 2015 Share Posted June 2, 2015 I've been to one Southern Baptist church that was similar to what you describe wanting. It wasn't very small though. If you happen to be in Pinellas County, FL it was Indian Rocks Baptist Church. I really wouldn't want legalism and judgment to seep into my kids, and I think purity culture is damaging, so I couldn't go there. Good luck finding a church home! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redsquirrel Posted June 2, 2015 Share Posted June 2, 2015 I need to be able to bring my whole self to church. I can't leave parts of myself outside waiting on the sidewalk. So, no, I could not attend, not at all. 10 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cinder Posted June 2, 2015 Share Posted June 2, 2015 Doesn't feel like drinking a beer will send you to Hell but not saying they need to condone drunkenness either. This part reminded me of when we lived in one of those small towns that has a Baptist church on this side of the tracks and a Baptist church on that side of the tracks. Literally. We went to one and a woman we knew went to the other one. Both pretty conservative SBC. She told us once her friends would encourage her to switch to the Methodist church in town because she enjoyed a glass of wine a couple nights a week. :D I would not be able to attend that church in your situation. I like wearing jeans to church and no one batting an eye about it. But more importantly, your telling your dc each week that you disagree with the pastor on this point and that will likely confuse them. We had a similar situation once with some friends who attended a different church. We never visited their church because the style of service didn't match what we were looking for. They didn't allow children in the worship service--not even teens, who were supposed to attend youth group--and we prefer to have our kids with us. But the small group of people were like a big family and when we were with them socially we wanted to be part of that family, especially since we hadn't found the right fit for us yet. Still we didn't want to compromise what we believed was right--that our family should worship together. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
almondbutterandjelly Posted June 2, 2015 Share Posted June 2, 2015 You just described our church and we are Presbyterian. A pretty conservative branch of Presbyterian but not quite PCA. I would suggest checking out some other denominations. And no, I would not attend a church like the one you are describing. Good luck finding a great church home! You might like a United Methodist church. Just wanted to throw that in. It meets your criteria. I have attended two, one larger and one smaller, and loved them both. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bolt. Posted June 2, 2015 Share Posted June 2, 2015 I would go if I simply "disagreed" -- and I do: that's what I am currently doing. But I would not go if there was no room for disagreement. I would not be involved with a church that was legalistic or repressive in the areas where we had disagreement, or where they were legalistic, or where the teaching was overly dictatorial, especially in areas of one's personal life. I would definitely not go if I couldn't find a degree of personal respect for the leader/s -- not nessusarily 'respect as a superior' but at least 'respect as a person who I could trust to speak into my life'. So, your reaction about this church is not really about having simple disagreements in a group where people are known to love each other and also love freedom and voice: that can behealthy, even if it's got some extra-conservative voices and some of the teaching occadionally makes you roll your eyes. Your reaction is because that church is significantly restrictive, is not open to individuality of faith, and the leader thinks that his opinion "goes" for everyone, about everything. That's not theological differences: it's systemically spiritually unhealthy. Don't do that. But keep in touch. Maybe go to a mid-week study (without the leader?) or be involved with social evenings and special events: just to keep in touch. Because friends of faith matter, and you shouldn't loose these people... And also, because they need you more than they probably think they do. These things tend to hit the fan: either your friends will sink into the unhealthiness (and need your help to mitigate that) or they will kick against it (and be hurt in the process: even if it goes well). Don't write off this faith community: but don't make it your primary context for faith either. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted June 2, 2015 Share Posted June 2, 2015 I would only attend that church until a better one was found. It sounds like a poor fit for your crew, best friends or not. I'll tolerate a lot for a great pastor, but I'm out the door if the preaching is consistently unbiblical. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AimeeM Posted June 2, 2015 Share Posted June 2, 2015 I wouldn't. Are you prepared for your children to accept these teachings as truth? It isn't fair to them for you to send them to a church where they are taught one thing, but then Mom comes back behind and says, "No, this isn't true" constantly (you said you disagree with a fair bit, not one or two minor points). Further, it isn't fair for the church family to have to deal with the potential fall out. As a Catholic, I wouldn't attend a protestant church (barring special occasions), with my children, and accept it as my own church. I just couldn't do it - it wouldn't be fair to anyone involved (other than the adults making the conscious decision to put themselves in that situation). I say the same to those who attend Catholic parishes, but complain/disagree with everything because they... Are pro-choice; the church isn't Are pro-get a divorce for any reason; the church isn't Are anti-statues/pictures/etc Do not agree with original sin... or infant baptism... or are just in complete disagreement with the church "non-negotiables". They still attend, they still complain, they still disagree, and then they are inevitably upset when their children adopt as truth the things that they (the parent/s) disagree with. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chiguirre Posted June 2, 2015 Share Posted June 2, 2015 I cringe at many things that come out of his mouth and just really don't respect him as my religious superior if that makes sense. I think this is the deal breaker. I attend Catholic mass at least once a month when T cantors, but I've only cringed once in the last 6 years. I'm not a Christian but there is rarely anything in the homily that I can't get on board with. I mean, we should care for others and be thankful for our gifts. Those are universal values that everyone can appreciate. If your church's preaching is straying far away from your core values and you find yourself having to deprogram your children, it's time to find another church. It's a pain, but you'll find friends in your new church. You won't lose any true friends just because you attend a different church. Those who ditch you were never truly your friends to begin with. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted June 2, 2015 Share Posted June 2, 2015 I couldn't stay. We tried a church for a while where there were a large amount of homeschoolers and we thought it might be a good fit even though it was FAR more conservative than we were. Nope......we couldn't stay. Hymns only King James only Dresses/skirts only It was IFB. I agree with the tenants of the faith, most certainly, but the "thou shalt nots" outweighed the nice people. That would be out for us, too. One of the reasons we attend an independent bible church, no denomination, is because we get fabulous preaching with a more laid back attitude. It's a good blend. I have been a bit burned on conservative denominations veering legalistic and liberal denominations compromising fairly basic biblical truths. It's like a seesaw. I don't have to agree completely with every word from the pulpit, especially on secondary or tertiary issues, but I also cannot be deprogramming my family each week! And when they make issues of dress and habit that isn't specifically indicated as sin for a Christian in scripture? Warning bells go off big time. I was raised SBC and left, but down in the lower 48 if I couldn't find an independent bible church I loved the next stop I'd hit would be Reformed Baptist. Doctrinally traditional but lacking the legalism and cultural weirdness of Fundamentalist Baptist, (First) Baptist, and a fair portion of Southern Baptist churches. Certain Presbyterian fellowships might also be a nice fit for you :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted June 2, 2015 Share Posted June 2, 2015 If you don't respect the pastor and agree with his preaching, I think that is a huge red flag. Also, what if your kids start buying into the things the pastor is saying? Do you really want to have to un-teach everything he says? And what if your kids slip up and tell other church members, a Sunday School teacher, or the pastor that Mommy and Daddy think the pastor is wrong? This exactly. Church should be a place you go for spiritual guidance, among other things. The fact that you are not getting that guidance at this church is huge. I would not go where I didn't agree with their teachings. Not if I was going to strengthen my walk. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justasque Posted June 2, 2015 Share Posted June 2, 2015 If you don't respect the pastor and agree with his preaching, I think that is a huge red flag. Also, what if your kids start buying into the things the pastor is saying? Do you really want to have to un-teach everything he says? And what if your kids slip up and tell other church members, a Sunday School teacher, or the pastor that Mommy and Daddy think the pastor is wrong? I think it's important for communities that members be able to tell each other, without fear of shaming or shunning, when they have a different point of view (assuming it's not a super-out-there point of view, of course). Of course, communities are built on common beliefs and interests, so there is a point where there are enough differences that a community is not a good fit for someone, and that's ok. But you shouldn't fear that someone will find out that you have a different perspective on a particular point of scripture or politics or parenting, etc. Communities, I think, are strengthened by the sharing of perspectives - we have so much to learn from each other. If a community excludes or silences everyone who thinks differently, they lose potentially important voices and risk veering in a negative direction without voices who can help get things back on the right path. Another problem with the OP's situation is that by remaining purposely silent about differences of opinion on various points, you risk having others who may actually share your views think that they are alone in their point of view, and that YOU would shun or shame THEM for having ideas that actually agree with your own! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mandylubug Posted June 2, 2015 Author Share Posted June 2, 2015 Thank you all for confirming my opinions. DH has say as well but he works odd hours and doesn't get to attend regularly. He does ask the kids what their lessons were and what a sermon was about and tries to discuss it. He is letting me pick where we are comfortable to go without him and he supports that decision in this season of our life. ETA: DH believes by me attending this church with my friends and not voicing my opinions, they aren't truly seeing me for my whole person. I don't want to be mean and point out all the errors of their church. It is so personal. I agree that I am not 100% fully open. I do a lot of grin, nod and leave before I open my mouth more with some members of their church. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted June 3, 2015 Share Posted June 3, 2015 Eh, I don't know. Someone's got to be the negative example... LOL--that's my role in my church... #OOOthatpastorswife #winebibberpantswearinghussy No, not really-- :laugh: Be yourself. Go where you CAN be yourself. There's only one you, and God wants you here! :hurray: 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted June 3, 2015 Share Posted June 3, 2015 I would go if I simply "disagreed" -- and I do: that's what I am currently doing. This. I intended to say this when i entered the thread - until you said the things you are looking for that you don't have in this church. Those are all giant deal-breakers for me. I have my weird mix of doubts and beliefs and I don't think there are a great abundance of churches that hit the sweet spot between acceptance and discipleship, but my current church does. So I go. I don't agree with everything said from the pulpit, but the overal vibe is Acceptance and non-judgemental attitude. There is NO feel of scrutiny coming from church leadership. I have been to churches like that and could not wait to leave. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Storygirl Posted June 3, 2015 Share Posted June 3, 2015 Mandy, I think if you voice the things that you disagree with to your friends, you may only alienate them. When I was in graduate school many years ago, I found a church that fed my soul more than the church that I grew up in. When I explained to my mother why I preferred the new church, she was offended. And she was not a religious person, though she was a church-goer. I think that someone who is spiritually invested in a certain church will not want to hear your reasons for not wanting to join. In your shoes, I would just seek out another church and explain that you are looking for someplace that is a better fit for your family. No need to explain why in detail. Some of your friends may ask, and you can just say that out of respect you prefer not to list the reasons that you didn't choose their church, and you can add that you will miss the fellowship and hope it can continue even if you don't attend the same church any more. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jyhwkmama Posted June 3, 2015 Share Posted June 3, 2015 Yeah, don't join. We are stuck in a church like this and its miserable for the most part. It's my families church and I've been going there since I was a baby. So when dh and I looked for a church we didn't even think much about it. There are good things about it... I love the people (the ones I'm NOT related to) :) But I cringe at what is said from the pulpit sometimes. I get mad pretty often. I disagree a lot. I feel depressed, exhausted, and/or beaten down when I leave. I dread going most of the time. They are older for the most part, and buy in to all of the conspiracy theories on the radio/internet. It's very doom and gloom.. they are very judgmental. I show up with my tattoos and purple hair and just try to keep to myself. But I do love most of the people.... :/ lol Not trying to hijack, but can I ask why you keep going? I would find a different place to nurture my spiritual beliefs if going to a church left me feeling bad after I went. Why make yourself miserable? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted June 3, 2015 Share Posted June 3, 2015 (edited) ... Edited July 14, 2016 by Guest Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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