Only me Posted March 22, 2015 Share Posted March 22, 2015 My kids having birthdays coming up. They are turning 17 and 20. They are huge Cubs fans. My husband has a business friend in Arizona who told dh they should come out for spring training. I think he knows a few people so that they can do a few extra things while there like get a tour of the stadium, autographs etc. The kids are thrilled. At first it was just going to be dh and dS since dd has college but dd is going to be able to juggle a few things with her classes and she can go too. This will be their birthday present. I mentioned wanting to go too but dh said that I can't even go grocery shopping without needing to come home and take a nap. He said I wouldn't be able to take the Heat and walking around the stadium. Basically he feels I would be a burden to them. I have a lot of health issues so I guess for the most part this is true. I have severe back pain 24/7 as well as auto immune disease. They are still testing but it is possible lupus. What really bothers me is at home I try to do what I can but will sometimes ask him to do something since I'm in a lot of pain like pick up dinner since I'm not up to cooking that day. Sometimes I've had do things that are really hard for me and he says I just have to deal with it. So at home I basically have to tough it out yet he feels I'm too sick to go in this trip. I'm trying so hard to be happy for the kids and I really am but I'm so sad. It's depressing being in so much pain all the time and I'm still having a tough time dealing with my mom's death. Last year at this time she was on hospice at home and things started to get really rough. I Know I'm feeling sorry for myself but darn it I need a vacation too. Our 25th anniversary is coming up and we supposed to go on vacation this summer but now I'm not even sure that will happen. Would you be upset about this whole thing? I'm really trying to focus on the fact that it is birthday present but it makes me sad that dh doesn't even realize how much this is hurting me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brehon Posted March 22, 2015 Share Posted March 22, 2015 What the ...?!? He *said* that?!?! I'm not even sure what to say because that is so...so...hurtful. So, you can't go & rest in the hotel while they fill up on all things Cubs and meet them for dinner or something? I think I'm officially gobsmacked. Big Hugs to you. 26 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Mousie Posted March 22, 2015 Share Posted March 22, 2015 :grouphug: Brehon said it all. I hope you and your DH can have some meaningful chats before the trip details are finalized. And I really hope you two are able to reconnect. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anne in CA Posted March 22, 2015 Share Posted March 22, 2015 I don't blame you for being hurt. I would be extremely hurt, even though I understand that this is not the sort of vacation that someone in chronic pain would enjoy. If he tells you that you need to just deal I would tell him that sometimes he needs to just deal too, and taking you and making it work is his job. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaxMom Posted March 22, 2015 Share Posted March 22, 2015 I don't think you're required to keep a "good attitude" when told (by your spouse, no less) that you're a burden. I can totally see realistically evaluating whether I would be inclined to join in on a trip with a specific purpose that I have no interest/ability in - for instance a dive trip, since I don't dive or even like beaches - but would take it as an affront if my husband told me I was unwelcome because I would be a burden to him. That's just rude. 10 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zoobie Posted March 22, 2015 Share Posted March 22, 2015 It sounds like there are much bigger issues than this one trip. Do you have a therapist? They can be an essential part of treatment in managing chronic pain. I'd work with one and look for someone for marriage therapy too. :grouphug: 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Word Nerd Posted March 22, 2015 Share Posted March 22, 2015 Our 25th anniversary is coming up and we supposed to go on vacation this summer but now I'm not even sure that will happen. Would you be upset about this whole thing? I'm really trying to focus on the fact that it is birthday present but it makes me sad that dh doesn't even realize how much this is hurting me. Yes, I would be upset in that situation, and it's completely understandable that it makes you sad. I can see your DH's point, but the way he said it was incredibly insensitive and unkind. Even if you all decided it would be better for you to forego the stadium part of the trip, you could still enjoy other aspects of the getaway. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Garga Posted March 22, 2015 Share Posted March 22, 2015 Oh boy. Ok, so he kinda has a point--if you are in so much pain that gathering groceries causes you to have to come home and sleep to recover, then that's a serious illness you're dealing with. A stadium in the heat will be just horrible for you. You'll be in utter misery. But it had to have hurt when he said it. What are your thoughts? Should they go? Should you go? What happens in you're hit with roaring pain in the middle of the events? What does your dh think you'll do at home alone? Should you be left alone without a caretaker? If it were me, I'd try to come up with some realistic options on how to deal with the pain on the trip and if I could come up with realistic options, I would go, never mind what he says. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Only me Posted March 22, 2015 Author Share Posted March 22, 2015 Yes, I would be upset in that situation, and it's completely understandable that it makes you sad. I can see your DH's point, but the way he said it was incredibly insensitive and unkind. Even if you all decided it would be better for you to forego the stadium part of the trip, you could still enjoy other aspects of the getaway.Yes that's the part that bothers me. It's the way he said it. He even sort of made fun of the fact that I do something like grocery shopping and then need a nap. I don't go around whinning about my pain but unfortunately it does control a lot of my life. I know he really resents that. I do push through the pain a lot. For instance my daughter had a hockey tournament a few weeks ago in st Louis. Driving long distances is very hard on me. My dh was out of town. My dd did most of the driving on the way there but she had a migraine on the way home so I had to drive. It was excruciating since I couldn't take my pain meda but I love my dd so I did it. Yet About a month ago my son had a track meet and needed to be picked up from school afterward. I thought ds would need to be picked up around 6 so I held off on taking my pain meds. Dh was on his way home from the airport after a short business trip. We were getting a ton of snow and dd was sick so she couldn't drive or help me clear off the car. I had to clear it off and was in so much pain. The bus was delayed so by now it was 8:30 and well past when I needed my pain pill. Also driving when the roads are bad really makes my pain flare worse. I was about to leave to get dS when my dh got home. I had already asked him if he got home in time if he could pick up ds and he said he would see when he got home. Well I asked dh to go pick up my son and he had a fit and said how it wasn't fair for me to expect him to drive after being gone all day. He picked up my son but made me feel awful in the process. Not only was I in a ton of pain but I thought it would be safer for my husband to drive. So sorry this is long but that is the kind of attitude I get. He expects me to suck it up and do things like that yet right away doesn't think I should go on the trip. If I'm honest it really would be tough on me. It is supposed to be in the upper 90's so going to the pool would probably not be good either., otherwise I would insist on going with and would sit at the pool while they go to the games. It just bothers me that he was so hurtful with his comments and so quick to book the plane tickets without me. He didn't even try to brainstorm to see if there was anyway we could make it work for me to go. When I mention the trip we are supposed to take later this summer he just shrugs it off and says he doesnt have any ideas. I guess I need him to realize that I really need that trip and for him to take it seriously. I don't want to make my kids feel bad. My daughter especially feels bad going without me so I don't want to ruin it for her. I'm trying really hard to not want to just spend the day in bed crying. I know people have it much worse than I do but this pain and auto immune stiff really stinks. So I guess while they are gone maybe I should try to focus on planning a trip and insist that we go. I just hope I can figure something out. Oh and I'm fine at home by myself. I just have to do things like take naps. I usually take my pain meds first thing in the morning and then run errands after about 4 hours. I'm fine driving after about 4 hours and try to fit things in before the pilll wears off. I've been dealing with this for 5 years but the auto immune stuff has just gotten worst over the past few years. I am able to get around but need to take breaks and watch what I do. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Garga Posted March 22, 2015 Share Posted March 22, 2015 Are you suffering your emotional hurts in silence? Have you called him on his comments about you having to "deal with it" when you are in pain and struggling at home? Is he in denial about your new reality of him having to pick up the slack for you? Does he think if he ignores it, it'll go away? Sounds like you need a heart to heart or resentment will quickly overwhelm you and damage the marriage tremendously. 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Garga Posted March 22, 2015 Share Posted March 22, 2015 It can be very difficult for the healthy partner of a person with long-term health issues. It's very hard to admit how hard it is for the healthy partner because they're afraid that they come across as completely selfish. Most people don't want to admit that it's hard on them, but it is. If you have a heart to heart, you would need to discuss how he can support you and how you (or someone else--a support group or something) can help him. 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Word Nerd Posted March 22, 2015 Share Posted March 22, 2015 :grouphug: I'm sorry you have to deal with so many health issues. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happi duck Posted March 22, 2015 Share Posted March 22, 2015 :grouphug: *insert perfect words here* I really feel for you and wish I knew what to say. :grouphug: 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Only me Posted March 22, 2015 Author Share Posted March 22, 2015 Are you suffering your emotional hurts in silence? Have you called him on his comments about you having to "deal with it" when you are in pain and struggling at home? Is he in denial about your new reality of him having to pick up the slack for you? Does he think if he ignores it, it'll go away? Sounds like you need a heart to heart or resentment will quickly overwhelm you and damage the marriage tremendously. I've tried to talk to him but he doesn't really listen. For the most part he doesn't really have to do that much more at home. I don't think it's a big deal to ask him to pick up dinner on the way home once in awhile (maybe once every 2 weeks) My kids all drive so in most circumstances they can drive places now. Once in awhile though I will need his help and he seems to resent it. Like yesterday I had a doctors appointment 70 miles away and I asked him to take me. My house isn't beautiful and its messier than he would like but it's not bad. Of course the kids do their part but are in school and activities. I do the cooking, laundry, shopping, whatever cleaning areas that aren't the kids responsibility. I will clean for 1/2 hour, take a break, repeat etc. but he often works from home and resents it if he sees me laying down. I'm not in bed all day or anything like that but so need to rest after grocery shopping etc. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest submarines Posted March 22, 2015 Share Posted March 22, 2015 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted March 22, 2015 Share Posted March 22, 2015 {{tender hugs}}For whatever reason, your DH appears to have a counter-empathetic reaction to illness, and I suspect the ambiguousness of it relative to a diagnosis exagerates his reaction. It's not very conducive to a marriage partnership. There are specialists in mental health who deal with the impact of chronic illness on a relationship. I'd encourage you to seek one out, for yourself at minimum but preferably both. You are being disrespected and set up to "fail". He may not be aware that the way he percieves and acts in this regard is counter-helpful and unkind. He might need some education, and support for his OWN stuff in his reaction to you, and the stress that falls on the partner of the sick person. Don't discount your own feelings, but I applaud your efforts to try to transcend the negative mental cycle. 20 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Garga Posted March 22, 2015 Share Posted March 22, 2015 I've tried to talk to him but he doesn't really listen. For the most part he doesn't really have to do that much more at home. I don't think it's a big deal to ask him to pick up dinner on the way home once in awhile (maybe once every 2 weeks) My kids all drive so in most circumstances they can drive places now. Once in awhile though I will need his help and he seems to resent it. Like yesterday I had a doctors appointment 70 miles away and I asked him to take me. My house isn't beautiful and its messier than he would like but it's not bad. Of course the kids do their part but are in school and activities. I do the cooking, laundry, shopping, whatever cleaning areas that aren't the kids responsibility. I will clean for 1/2 hour, take a break, repeat etc. but he often works from home and resents it if he sees me laying down. I'm not in bed all day or anything like that but so need to rest after grocery shopping etc. Then, yes, I would feel pretty horrible if I were you. I think he needs a good strong talking to from someone. I think I'd try talking to him again and again. People fall into bad habits and it can take a bit of talking and resetting to jog them out of it. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nevergiveup Posted March 22, 2015 Share Posted March 22, 2015 Frankly, with his lack of support, I would not want to go on a vacation with him. I would find a friend, sister, brother, someone else and go some place I really wanted to go. And take lots of naps :001_smile: 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laurie4b Posted March 22, 2015 Share Posted March 22, 2015 I think you have two different issues here: 1) the vacation and 2) the relationship with your dh with regard to your health needs. I am guessing the vacation really wouldn't bother you that much if you generally got a lot of support. As others have said, talking with a therapist, especially one with experience with the issues you have, would be helpful. I'd try to arrange to have a stay-cation yourself while they are away. See some friends, make the therapist appt for that week, sit outside and enjoy the spring weather, do something you like to do. 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
T'smom Posted March 22, 2015 Share Posted March 22, 2015 I totally agree with what other people have said about your dh and his attitude/your relationship. But about the vacation- if you are not going to go, I would try to get excited about what you can do while they are gone. (Full disclosure, I would be thrilled, elated, and ecstatic if my dh were to take the kids and leave me home for a week) Make dates with a couple of friends to go out to eat or see a movie. Stock up on your favorite foods, get a stack of new books, load up your Netflix list. Take bubble baths. Take a slow nature walk. Work on a project that you have been putting off. Get a massage or a mani/pedi. I am not trying to minimize your feelings. They are totally justified. I just wanted to give some advice on what would help me keep a good attitude. (I am in a different life stage though, mine are little and needy, I can't even imagine having teens! Life will be so much different when I can leave the house without getting a sitter!) 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lllll Posted March 22, 2015 Share Posted March 22, 2015 .. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aelwydd Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 My kids having birthdays coming up. They are turning 17 and 20. They are huge Cubs fans. My husband has a business friend in Arizona who told dh they should come out for spring training. I think he knows a few people so that they can do a few extra things while there like get a tour of the stadium, autographs etc. The kids are thrilled. At first it was just going to be dh and dS since dd has college but dd is going to be able to juggle a few things with her classes and she can go too. This will be their birthday present. I mentioned wanting to go too but dh said that I can't even go grocery shopping without needing to come home and take a nap. He said I wouldn't be able to take the Heat and walking around the stadium. Basically he feels I would be a burden to them. I have a lot of health issues so I guess for the most part this is true. I have severe back pain 24/7 as well as auto immune disease. They are still testing but it is possible lupus. What really bothers me is at home I try to do what I can but will sometimes ask him to do something since I'm in a lot of pain like pick up dinner since I'm not up to cooking that day. Sometimes I've had do things that are really hard for me and he says I just have to deal with it. So at home I basically have to tough it out yet he feels I'm too sick to go in this trip. I'm trying so hard to be happy for the kids and I really am but I'm so sad. It's depressing being in so much pain all the time and I'm still having a tough time dealing with my mom's death. Last year at this time she was on hospice at home and things started to get really rough. I Know I'm feeling sorry for myself but darn it I need a vacation too. Our 25th anniversary is coming up and we supposed to go on vacation this summer but now I'm not even sure that will happen. Would you be upset about this whole thing? I'm really trying to focus on the fact that it is birthday present but it makes me sad that dh doesn't even realize how much this is hurting me. And just why couldn't you arrange to spend the time at a spa while they're touring?? at a hotel poolside??? Or at a nice air conditioned art museum or other venue (I second the suggestion for a scooter)?? 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GailV Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 :grouphug: I'm so sorry, and have no clue what to tell you. I am absolutely flabbergasted by your dh's attitude. I'm in the opposite situation. We're planning a Big Trip in a few months, and dh sometimes comments that he's afraid he won't be able to make it due to his health. Well, what fun would that be? So what if he and I hang out in the hotel while the kids run around -- I really, really want to make it work for all of us to be together, even if we don't go at a breakneck pace the entire time. I mean, assuming that it wouldn't actually make him sicker. Which isn't particularly helpful for you to know -- that we're doing things this way --- except to say that I'd sort of think what we're doing is normal and it's okay for you to feel hurt. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cafdog Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 I am sorry about your trip, and your DH's reaction. That must have been very hurtful. I hope you can make him understand your POV. FWIW - I went to Mariner's spring training in AZ years ago when I was hugely pregnant. I enjoyed myself, but had to leave an afternoon game early - the sun was really, really brutal. And the heat is quite intense, if you are not used to it, or have sun sensitivities. If you do not join everyone in AZ, I second the great recommendations here for you to book yourself some spa time! Hugs. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spryte Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 And just why couldn't you arrange to spend the time at a spa while they're touring?? at a hotel poolside??? Or at a nice air conditioned art museum or other venue (I second the suggestion for a scooter)?? Working off of this, since they are going to be gone... Book a spa weekend. Or a trip to see a friend. Get out of your space and do self care. Don't stay home to feel sad. Unless you can have a heart to heart and go with them? Nap as needed, relax by the pool while they do their thing and do dinners at night. There is a reason people who were chronically ill were sent to rest and relax years ago. It helps. So I vote you find a way to either go with them or go somewhere yourself. I do think that a therapist is a great idea, and that's coming from someone who's been where you are. My testing culminated in some pretty crummy diagnoses, and then lo and behold - those were changed, too. But even then, we had five years of agonizing treatment. It's hard on a marriage. And my DH was very supportive - and frankly, he dragged me on a ton of trips, telling me to nap as needed. I'm thankful. Goodness, very thankful. But I had a great therapist to talk to, and DH talked to get as well. It helped. Illness like you're facing is tough stuff. Greg Piburn wrote a helpful book - Beyond Chaos: Living with a Chronically Ill Spouse or something like that. That was also a help. Sending you gentle hugs. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fraidycat Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: I'm sorry you're hurting. I'm going to throw in a couple extra :grouphug: :grouphug: for your DH. It sounds like he is having trouble accepting this new reality. I'm not trying to excuse his behavior, but the pain and fear from both sides of this story is palpable to me. As for keeping a good attitude, I think a spa or sleepover/catch-up weekend with a girlfriend is in order. And perhaps a few good heart to hearts with DH, focusing specifically on how he is affected by your illness. Once he feels "heard" or is recognized as being dealt a less than stellar hand, too - maybe then he'll find the emotional fortitude to be more supportive and less resentful.*** ***I'd suggest ongoing therapy/support for both of you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scoutingmom Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 Hugs Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 Was your dh always selfish and insensitive toward you, or has it mainly been since you became ill? I only ask because I don't see the vacation as the problem -- your dh's attitude and the disrespectful way he is treating you are the problems. What did you say when he was so mean to you about the trip? My feeling is that when you have a spouse who has been diagnosed with a serious health problem, you do whatever you can to support that person and help him or her get through it. You might feel angry or sad because your life has changed and because the situation feels out of your control, but if you love your spouse, you suck it up and deal with it, and you recognize that even though your daily life might be impacted, it is still nothing compared to what your spouse is suffering through -- physically, mentally, and emotionally. Your dh isn't thinking of you; he is thinking only of himself and that has to stop. How did your kids react when your dh said you shouldn't go on the trip? I think you should tell your dh that you will be going on that trip, and that if you get tired or can't fully participate in the planned activities, you will find something relaxing to do on your own. There is no need to sit at home and feel sad and left-out. It makes me so angry that your dh isn't supportive of you. It's not like you chose to become ill! :angry: Doesn't he realize that you would do anything to be well again??? I'm so sorry you aren't getting the support you need, because you must be so upset. :grouphug: 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa in Australia Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 :grouphug: :grouphug: 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greta Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 :grouphug: I am so sorry for everything that you are going through. The chronic pain alone is so much to deal with, but to have autoimmune problems on top of that. My heart goes out to you. My Mom has a chronic pain condition but she does have drugs which keep it under control, so she has a lot of good days. It sounds like you have few good days. :grouphug: If you have a good doctor who is sympathetic to your condition and understands what you're living with (even if he hasn't diagnosed you yet), is there any way that he could talk directly to your husband about what you're dealing with on a daily basis? Sometimes hearing it from a neutral third party, especially an expert, can really wake a person up and make them realize what they should have realized sooner. I don't know what kind of relationship you have with your doctor, so I realize this may not be feasible. But if your husband could come to an appointment with you and the doctor could have a very frank discussion with him about your needs, it might jolt your husband into realizing the situation you are both in (seems to me like he's in a bit of denial, which is understandable, but not acceptable). 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
plansrme Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 I am sympathetic to your plight, really, but I do not see that what your husband actually said was either untrue or cruel. Perhaps the tone was sneering, or he has otherwise shown that he thinks you are faking or exaggerating, but the actual statements you reported seem to be accurate, i.e., that this wouldn't be a good vacation for you. I also don't see anything wrong with one parent's going on a vacation with two adult children and leaving the other parent at home. There may well be other issues you and your husband can work on, but alone, neither these statements nor the fact that they are leaving me behind would upset me (I know--easy for me to say). I suspect that you are reacting to more than this situation, and that is entirely understandable. For this one, though, I would either say, "Hey, I want to go. I will hang out by the pool while you all go to the games and stadium tours," or just schedule my own vacation. But I also would try to be sympathetic to his wish or need to engage in a few active days without worrying about hurting your feelings or trying to accommodate you. If you decide to go, my husband and my son go on these stadium tours every summer, and there is a good bit of walking involved. I don't know how easy it is to transport a scooter around, especially in a rental car, so I don't know if that is a viable option or not. The tours are open (for a fee, of course) to anyone, and the office that arranges them could tell you how accessible it is or how much walking is involved. I hope you all can come up with a solution that works for everyone. As for you and your husband's vacation, if you have previously done more active vacations, I can see being stumped about what to do this year. Maybe a separate thread on that would produce some suggestions. This probably isn't what you had in mind, but Disney World is pretty accessible to scooters and the like, and if you stay on property, there's no transportation issue. (I refer to the transportation issue, because a friend of mine's mom had issues with this, but it's been a while; maybe they are more portable now.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carol in Cal. Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 I would have a huge problem with my husband taking our kids to a birthday event for them that excluded me. Either it's family time or it's not. And I would also be pretty hurt if he were that unsympathetic as to plan something like that and then tell me not to participate. I encourage you to make your own decision about whether to go or not. If you do go, you don't have to go to every session that they attend, but a nice air conditioned hotel room and room service might be a lovely break for you, too. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
plansrme Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 I would have a huge problem with my husband taking our kids to a birthday event for them that excluded me. Either it's family time or it's not. And I would also be pretty hurt if he were that unsympathetic as to plan something like that and then tell me not to participate. I encourage you to make your own decision about whether to go or not. If you do go, you don't have to go to every session that they attend, but a nice air conditioned hotel room and room service might be a lovely break for you, too. Obviously this is something upon which reasonable minds will differ, but my husband takes our son on a trip without me or his sisters every summer. They visit different MLB parks, in fact, and are gone for up to a week at a time, starting when he was about 8. This summer, I am taking my 17 yo on a trip to Wyoming to run a half-marathon without the rest of the family. In July, our family is going to the beach for a week for a baseball tournament. My baseball player will be there for all eight days, but between parents and two sisters, I doubt that all five of us will ever be there at the same time (I hate the beach, so of course, I will probably end up there for the entire week). So in just our one family this summer, we are taking three separate vacations, and not one includes the entire family. Not everyone is going to see separate vacations as a betrayal of those left behind. Keep in mind that the OP's "kids" are 17 and 20, IIRC. My 15 and 17 yo daughters will be taking trips of their own on top of the assortment of partial-family vacations. Separate vacations are not necessarily indicative of a dysfunctional family. Granted, we may be dysfunctional, but it's not because of our separate vacations. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammyla Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: I'm sorry, my heart hurts for you. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carol in Cal. Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 Separate vacations are not necessarily indicative of a dysfunctional family. Granted, we may be dysfunctional, but it's not because of our separate vacations. I don't have a problem with separate vacations, but I do have one with a family member being explicitly excluded from a birthday celebration for her own children. That's a whole nother level than what you quoted. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SparklyUnicorn Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 I'd be like YEE HAW alone time!!!! Sorry. :/ 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greta Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 If my husband offered to take our daughter on a vacation and let me stay home, I'd be like YEE HAW too! If my husband informed me that I was being left behind because I'm such a pain in the butt, I'd be hurt and furious. 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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