Makeup for teens. Where to begin?

[Plateau Mama]

DD is 14. She has never worn makeup, ever. She has no interest in doing so.

 

Next weekend is homecoming. DH thinks she should wear some makeup (as well as get her hair and nails done, but that's another post). How would I go about putting together a very light, natural, look?

 

We are heading to the mall after church today. Help!

 

(As you can probably guess I don't wear makeup often.)

[amo_mea_filiis.]

If she has no interest, don't force it on her.

[Caroline]

If she doesn't want to, then she shouldn't have to. However, if she wants to wear makeup, then I would take her to an Origins store or a Clinique counter in a department store and have her tell them what she wants. My mom took me to the Estée Lauder counter at Woodward and Lothrup when I was in middle school. They taught me how to do my makeup. It was a fun afternoon with mom, and valuable lessons I still use today.

[Plateau Mama]

If she has no interest, don't force it on her.

No one is forcing her to do anything. More like exposing. She is very resistant to change and sometimes needs to be "forced" in order to simply be exposed to new things.

 

I don't care if I buy it and she never wears it. I just want her to know its ok if she does.

 

Like I said I rarely wear makeup so it's not like it's important to me.

[TeacherZee]

I like Bare Minerals as it gives me a very natural look. I use their mineral powder. As it is a dance I would also buy a nice sparkly eyeshadow and some mascara.

[hornblower]

I would be extremely reluctant to do this. Does she actually want to wear makeup for this event?

IF she does I'd buy some mascara and a light lipstick. & call it done. 

If she does  not, I'd say great, your choice. Rock it however you want to, girl!

AND I'd smack dh silly for suggesting it.

The way a dd is viewed by the male parental figures in her life is critical & there should be NO, NONE, ZERO, DO NOT GO THERE criticisms or even commentary on a dd's appearance & especially not anything that suggests there's something wrong with her if she doesn't choose to wear make up or get 'proper' hair & nails.

[KathyBC]

I have a somewhat opposite problem.  My 12yo dd is very interested in all of that, but I am not. I've been contemplating a thread, asking for help starting a teenager with light, natural make-up. Thanks for posting.

[heartosunshine]

Both Sephora & Ulta have very knowledgeable  and helpful employees. Plus, they usually have product testers so you can try them to see how they look with your skin tone. The big drawback, though, is the pricetag. It's more expensive than the drugstore.

[KungFuPanda]

If your daughter has dark lashes, she can get away with almost no make-up and still look formal. I'd try a little eyeliner and natural eyeshadow and blush. Just enough to emphasize the contours of her face. If she likes it, she can wear it. If she doesn't like the way she looks, then forget about it. Her confidence is more important and teenagers look pretty perfect with no effort. (Twerps.)

[LibraryLover]

That's a tough one. One of mine doesn't wear makeup unless it's a very formal event, but even then it's only the cheeks & some Burt's Bees on the lips. I've tried to be very respectful of that, but otoh, she does seem to like it (enough) for events. With the harsh lights of professional photos, it looks nice to have a bit of color on the lips and cheeks, although pinching them beforehand is tried and true. :) My other dd will wear a bit more at times (she does her own and does it well for dance performances, but that is not a look she wants for school. lol) ), although not daily. We went to Sephora and told them we wanted something very minimal. They did a great job showing application and recommending products. The range of prices is pretty good.

[Lawyer&Mom]

I very rarely wear make up, but for a special event a sparkly lipgloss can be fun. Maybe a little light eyeshadow and waterproof mascara? If you aren't used to eye makeup you can accidentally touch your eyes. Waterproof mascara should be less likely to smear or smudge.

 

I would avoid foundation. If you don't usually wear foundation it can feel heavy on your face.

[LibraryLover]

I very rarely wear make up, but for a special event a sparkly lipgloss can be fun. Maybe a little light eyeshadow and waterproof mascara? If you aren't used to eye makeup you can accidentally touch your eyes. Waterproof mascara should be less likely to smear or smudge.

 

I would avoid foundation. If you don't usually wear foundation it can feel heavy on your face.

 

I agree.  A light beauty balm might be better if she wants to add more than a little cheek and lip color..

[Χά�ων]

No one is forcing her to do anything. More like exposing. She is very resistant to change and sometimes needs to be "forced" in order to simply be exposed to new things.

 

I don't care if I buy it and she never wears it. I just want her to know its ok if she does.

 

Like I said I rarely wear makeup so it's not like it's important to me.

I am not sure it is possibly to be a young person in this day and age and NOT be exposed to make-up. Advertisements, tv, movies, all up is in all stores. Unless she has been prevented her from leaving the house or viewing any type of media she has been exposed. 

 

I would offer it as an option, maybe offer to take her out for a make-over and get her hair done and leave it at that. 

[MeAndTheBoys]

I would take her to Clinique--they seem to be geared towards a younger, lighter look.  Ask for a tinted moisturizer--teenagers don't need foundation, IMO.  Will Clinique have a bonus days any time soon?  That's a fun time to go--

 

B

[Tree Frog]

I took both dd's to Sephora to learn how to apply makeup when they were 15ish, telling each person we were looking for a light look with ideas for how to apply different looks of makeup. I wouldn't recommend them. Our experience was that they apply lots of make up with little explanation about the best way to apply it. I had thought our first experience was an anomaly, but in a different one in a different state, we had the same experience. The young woman we saw at the second Sephora told dd it was important to wear enough foundation to make her face all the same color then add the color she wanted. DD has a natural beautiful complexion and looked horrible afterwards.

[AK_Mom4]

They sell some really neat eye liners these days.  DD20 often wears a sparkly silver that looks amazing with her eyes.  These are a fat soft pencil (not the thin hard ones we grew up with) and are really easy to put on.  Combine that with some clear shiny lip gloss and that's a nice fresh look for a 14yo IMO.

[Mommy22alyns]

I plan to take my DDs to Sephora for a little lesson when they turn 13.  Maybe Bare Escentuals would be better?  In any event, I wear fairly natural makeup, so I could always just teach them from my stash.

 

OP, can you just gently ask DD if she would like anything special to wear?  I wouldn't be at all happy with DH for putting his 2 cents in on this one.  If she's not interested, I'd drop it completely.  I never want to make my girls think that they are not "okay" as they are (obviously basic hygiene is nonnegotiable).

[bolt.]

Unless you and DD are drastically different colorings, I think that the best way to expose her to your family's makeup philosophy is just to do it together, and let her use yours. I've been putting light touches of my makeup on my DD's for photo day and special occasions since they were toddlers.

 

It's easy to get a natural look by doing a bit of lipstick (blot away most of the excess) topped with clear lip balm; a feather-light dusting of blush; and a bit of mascara (depending on the natural colour of her lashes). Honestly, it takes 2 minutes.

[bettyandbob]

I'd also avoid Sephora, if you are just starting out and want a light look. I did take dd there to find brands that would work for her skin (she has allergies and celiac). She has to get her own make up to use on stage for dance performances and she needed to learn how to apply make up for nonstage purposes. Generally, my dd doesn't wear any makeup, but now she feels she knows what to do if she wanted to.

 

Your dd hasn't had to deal with makeup at all, so I agree the Clinique counter at a dept store is a better bet for starting out. I'd start with trying various shades of lipstick and glosses. If your dd doesn't have long dark lashes, masquera can really do a lot for eyes. Then, I'd leave it until she decided to explore further.

[Plateau Mama]

For the record DH didn't say anything to her. I suggested it to her and she said no. I was telling Dh the story and he said to ME that she should wear some makeup. No because she needs it but simply because it is a special occasion.

[hornblower]

just remembered this & though it was apt:

 

"You Don't Have to Be Pretty.

 

You don't owe prettiness to anyone. Not to your boyfriend/spouse/partner, not to your co-workers, especially not to random men on the street. You don't owe it to your mother, you don't owe it to your children, you don't owe it to civilization in general. Prettiness is not a rent you pay for occupying a space marked "female".

 

I'm not saying that you SHOULDN'T be pretty if you want to. (You don't owe UN-prettiness to feminism, in other words.) Pretty is pleasant, and fun, and satisfying, and makes people smile, often even at you. But in the hierarchy of importance, pretty stands several rungs down from happy, is way below healthy, and if done as a penance, or an obligation, can be so far away from independent that you may have to squint really hard to see it in the haze."

source

 

[bolt.]

Off topic, but, it's a nice cultural quirk isn't it? In our culture, it really is 'customary' for the women to recognize the significance of special occasions by the application of face paint.

 

It's not even about looking more attractive -- attraction is not the goal. It actually is about indicating that you are taking the occasion seriously enough to 'put your face on' for it.

[GinaPagnato]

For the record DH didn't say anything to her. I suggested it to her and she said no. I was telling Dh the story and he said to ME that she should wear some makeup. No because she needs it but simply because it is a special occasion.

 

What might work is if you buy a sparkly eyeshadow and a lipgloss with a light tint to it. Then you can give it to her and just say, "Sometimes for special occasions like this it's fun to do something a little different and special." 

 

That's probably the most I would recommend for a DD who has no interest in makeup. Going to a make-up counter would be overwhelming, IMO, if she isn't even into it.

 

I :001_wub: make-up, but I would start really basic with her.

 

Good luck!

 

[Plateau Mama]

Off topic, but, it's a nice cultural quirk isn't it? In our culture, it really is 'customary' for the women to recognize the significance of special occasions by the application of face paint.

 

It's not even about looking more attractive -- attraction is not the goal. It actually is about indicating that you are taking the occasion seriously enough to 'put your face on' for it.

This is it exactly. He just feels that for special occiasions you do a bit more. That is why I wear makeup for date night and special occasions.

[Plateau Mama]

The other thing is sometimes I know she wants to do bew things but she's afraid to say so. Just because it's different.

[Mommy22alyns]

For the record DH didn't say anything to her. I suggested it to her and she said no. I was telling Dh the story and he said to ME that she should wear some makeup. No because she needs it but simply because it is a special occasion.

 

Okay, that's much better then!

 

Rebecca can be very reticent about new things too.  I have to really try to draw it out of her.  I like Gina's idea.

[Ali in OR]

I think knowing how to use makeup is a good skill to have--not because females HAVE to wear it, have to attract a mate, etc. etc. But there are times when you want to dress up, where it's the appropriate social behavior (and I think for a formal dance it IS the appropriate social behavior), when you are a just-out-of-college professional and you need to look like an adult, etc. You get better and better at applying makeup and making informed decisions about what you want to wear by actually practicing with it. I know as a 22-year-old teacher teaching kids only a few years younger than myself, I needed to make clothing, hair, and yes, makeup decisions appropriately to set myself apart from my students. By that age, I knew what I was doing and what I wanted, thanks to wearing some makeup in college and high school and probably thanks mostly to a younger sister who was way more into it than I was and taught me what she learned!

 

My 14-yo dd doesn't really wear makeup on a daily basis, but she is a dancer and will be doing 12 performances in a school musical this winter. I have often done her stage makeup for dance performances and she still needs my help for eyeliner, though she can do the rest. But we're realizing that it's not really age-appropriate for her mom to be backstage helping her with her makeup. Everyone else does their own. So she got an eyeliner lesson before church this morning, and for the next 6 weeks she'll probably be wearing eyeliner to church so she can learn how to do it herself with a natural, lighter color before having to do it for her show. Even if she doesn't choose to wear it on a daily basis, she will know how to use it if and when she wants to.

[rocassie]

Honestly, if you asked her, and she said "no," then I would not press the issue other than letting her know she can change her mind and you will help her find something that complements her coloring.

 

To help her find makeup that complements her coloring and creates the desirable effects (natural, dramatic, etc.), I personally would take her to a place that will do a make-over, such as Sephora or other make-up counter.  

[Haiku]

I suggested it to her and she said no.

 

She said no. She doesn't want to. Pushing the issue means you don't respect her right to choose for herself and could also come across as you not thinking she's pretty enough. I'd really, seriously let this one go. If you can't let her make her own choice on this, it's just going to get tougher as the decisions she makes come with much larger consequences.

[PinkyandtheBrains.]

I have a somewhat opposite problem.  My 12yo dd is very interested in all of that, but I am not. I've been contemplating a thread, asking for help starting a teenager with light, natural make-up. Thanks for posting.

 

In this situation, starting with skin care would be great. Then slowly add in something like lip gloss, mascara, maybe some "lessons" on make up styles at home. 

 

 

 

As for the OP, Bare Minerals are light and natural. They shouldn't feel to much like make up.

[Plateau Mama]

She said no. She doesn't want to. Pushing the issue means you don't respect her right to choose for herself and could also come across as you not thinking she's pretty enough. I'd really, seriously let this one go. If you can't let her make her own choice on this, it's just going to get tougher as the decisions she makes come with much larger consequences.

Did you not read the part where she always says no to new things, even if she wants to try them? I am far from pushy but my daugh tear is resistant to lots of things, like:

 

Showering on a regular basis

Wearing deodorant

Brushing her hair

Shaving

Brushing her teeth

 

Should I just let her go around smelly with rotten teeth because she says no?

 

FTR we went to Clinique, I asked her to just try it and I would buy her only what she wanted. Guess what, she bought it all. I told her I didn't expect her to wear it on a regular basis but at least she would have it if she wanted to wear it. If she decides she doesn't want it I can use most of it myself.

[Haiku]

Should I just let her go around smelly with rotten teeth because she says no?

 

Of course not. But routine hygiene and makeup are completely separate issues and not really comparable.

 

I'm glad it worked out for you and your dd.

[mum]

I am a 'natural look' person, and my 2 teen girls are too. But I feel being able to apply makeup, should one choose to wear it, is a skill that I want my girls to have. So I have had friends who have done a Mary Kay party in their own homes, usually with a friend who sells it, and it's a very low key way to show the girls this skill, in a very controlled environment. It's great if the rep is a friend because then you can be very clear about what look you want shown to the girls. I personally have had older teen girls from church, whom I trust, and whose makeup 'look' I like, come over and do my girls makeup for these special events. It makes it feel special, is free, and my girls have learned a skill that way. Good luck!

[Annie G]

If she's resistant to trying new things, it might work better to tell her you're going to show her how to put makeup on but that if she doesn't want to wear it that's ok.  That you just want to make sure you have exposed her to things like that.  But if you ask her if she wants to and she says no and then you make her anyway, well...that doesn't quite seem respectful.   And wearing makeup is quite different than basic hygiene like showering or brushing teeth. 

 

 

[Rebel Yell]

Off topic, but, it's a nice cultural quirk isn't it? In our culture, it really is 'customary' for the women to recognize the significance of special occasions by the application of face paint.

 

It's not even about looking more attractive -- attraction is not the goal. It actually is about indicating that you are taking the occasion seriously enough to 'put your face on' for it.

 

:iagree:  Yes- like how a young man would make sure to be freshly shaven (or groom his beard if he can grow one) and have a recent haircut.

 

Iron your shirt, tie your tie, shine your shoes, take a shower, wear appropriate clothing, not pj pants and a tank top with flip flops- all those things that people do for a special occasion. they aren't necessarily done because there is something "wrong" with us...

[1GirlTwinBoys]

IF she does I'd buy some mascara and a light lipstick. & call it done. 

 

I agree with this.

[J-rap]

I'd just let it go for now.  If YOU wear light make-up and dress up for special occasions, then I can almost guarantee that your daughter will eventually too, in her own time.  The only time I gently encouraged make up on a daughter was when she had very bad acne and it didn't occur to her to cover it up.  Not that I felt she should have to, but I knew that in public she might be judged by it and if she could do something easy to cover it up, why not.  I took her to an Origins counter and we asked them to recommend and apply some different shades of make up.  They didn't use blush or eye makeup, just the powder/cover-up for her acne.

 

I use very light makeup and my girls knew it was all okay, either way, in our home.  By their senior year of high school they all used it lightly, although now a couple of them have gone au naturel  and that's fine.  One of them was going a little heavy on it in her senior year, and so I slyly suggested we do each other's make up one night, for fun.  I did hers just very, very lightly so that you could just barely tell, and she ended up liking it.

 

But yeah, otherwise, if you want to expose her, the two of you could go to an Origins counter (or another) and both have it done.  But I would not push it at all.

 

Oops, I just read your update too.  Glad it worked out.  :)

[Tap]

DD16 has a best friend of 14years, who is one of three girls and the mom is a makeup artist.  She has grown up spending copious amounts of time, in that house with makeup being a priority.

 

Even with that exposure, DD hasn't had any interest in make up until this year.  For the past few homecomings , she wore mascara and I put a small amount of eye liner on her for the pictures.  I took her to a high end make up counter and bought her a lipstick that was light colored but had a small amount of pigment it it, so it would very lightly stain her lips.  She didn't want to wear the lipstick, so she didn't. 

 

 

If I had forced makeup on her....she would have been unhappy and that would ruin the night.  Many, many girls do not wear makeup.  Let her be who she wants to be, not anyone else. Not you or your husband. 

[Jennifer132]

I never wear makeup, it feels gross on my skin. Honestly, the only two times I did wear it were prom and my wedding, and even then it was literally a tiny bit of foundation, blush and some lip balm. If she doesn't want to, I would personally just let it go. That's what my mom did, and she can't leave the house without her "face" on!

[redsquirrel]

I can't imagine telling my kid she needed to wear makeup because that is telling her that her face isn't good enough as it is, even if it is a 'special occasion'.  There are plenty of people who don't wear makeup even if an occasion is special. There is nothing wrong with that. At my son's homecoming dance I saw plenty of girls, including his date, who did not wear makeup.

 

And she may not like to try new things, I understand needing to push her our of her comfort zone, but there are lots of things that are unnecessary. Showering isn't exactly in the same category as painting your face.

 

But, you are looking for information for her, Bobbi Brown has a book for teens that is supposed to be very good.

 

http://www.amazon.com/Bobbi-Brown-Teenage-Beauty-Everything/dp/0060957247/ref=sr_1_3?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1420469107&sr=1-3&keywords=bobbi+brown+makeup

[Reefgazer]

I definitely would not suggest makeup to her unless she asked for it. I can't imagine how bad I would have felt if a parent felt my appearance wasn't satisfactory as is.

 

ETA: just read your update on her not liking to try things...no still means no. Makeup is not in any way in the same category or as important as brushing your teeth, general hygiene, or eating well. Along with shaving, it is strictly cosmetic and superficial(said by a full makeup wearer, most days).

[Plateau Mama]

While I was out today she practiced putting makeup on.......her brothers. LOL.