S/O Sacrifices- Would you change anything? Any changes you are making now?

[Soror]

I've had this on my mind a lot. I started my mid-life crisis a few years ago, I'm calling it my- third life crisis as I'm too young to be at the mid-point (well that is getting less true with each passing year but that is what I'm saying).

 

I see I want to make some changes but I cannot figure out what or how. I don't think I would change the past because that led me to where I'm at but I sure as heck don't want to be sitting in the future with regrets about what I could have done with my life. I don't want to be all burn-out. I've seen too many moms head down that road. 

 

So, what are you doing for you? 

[regentrude]

I had a major crisis in my early 30s after four years as a SAHM with young kids. I was very depressed and felt as if I had lost my own personhood.

For me, two things helped: I worked through the period by lots of introspection and writing (my best ever poetry stems from that time), and I went back to work part time, switching career directions slightly (from research to teaching).

It made me become a much happier person and better mom.

 

In hindsight, I wish I had known about Myers-Briggs tests and personality types because that would have helped me pinpoint why I was having problems. I only found out about this years later, and it all made perfect sense. So, maybe starting from analyzing your personality and trying to figure out which element is missing from your life that you would need. If you are a strong introvert, you might miss alone time and need to carve that out in order to be better. For me as an extreme extrovert, what I needed were interaction with people and appreciation from outside sources.

[Desert Strawberry]

I have already been through a career crisis-finding out I was in the wrong one. I am fortunate that I was in my early twenties with plenty of time to sort it out. 

I went back to school to start over, but my unplanned second child derailed my career, bless him for that. Having two forced me to come home, and make some serious changes that were hard, but beneficial. 

The only change I am looking to make is to ease into my career. I will probably never work full time, because of my husband's demanding schedule and our commitment to having me home with the kids. Fortunately, I should be able to pick up shift work. A few shifts a month will improve our finances,secure my benefits, give me some work history, make my$$ degree feel more worthwhile, and bring me back into the world of grown ups. 

My husband and I worry a bit how I will weather my children leaving. I am careful to maintain interests that do not center around them. Maybe work outside the home will give me some more support, a shift in focus that might ease the transition. Maybe not. I don't know. 

[DawnM]

Honestly, I think I would change my homeschooling decision.  I might even change my decision to move to NC, although my boys seem to thrive here more than in CA, so that may just be about my personal preferences.

 

I would have started them in school.  I would have kept working.  I am now looking at re-entering the work force after an 11 year hiatus (in 2 years) and I don't have any current references, I am in a new state so I am not networked at all, and it feels like starting over after being well established somewhere else.  

[Soror]

 

In hindsight, I wish I had known about Myers-Briggs tests and personality types because that would have helped me pinpoint why I was having problems. I only found out about this years later, and it all made perfect sense. So, maybe starting from analyzing your personality and trying to figure out which element is missing from your life that you would need. If you are a strong introvert, you might miss alone time and need to carve that out in order to be better. For me as an extreme extrovert, what I needed were interaction with people and appreciation from outside sources.

I'm introvertish, I test at INFJ iirc. The last few years with my health issues I lost my time to myself in the mornings as I couldn't wake early, it has been really, hard on me not to have that time. It makes me feel all twitchy. I am getting more time now as the baby is nearing 2 and she will probably be weaned and moved out of the bed close to that time solely for that reason. Dh and I have been enjoying getting time together here and there and are planning on upping that more as she is able to be left for longer. So, I think we are working on that aspect, I wish it could be a bit quicker but then again parenting in this way is a priority for me, at least for the first 2 years. This last one will probably be staying overnight sooner than the others though and having more time away.

 

Also, the reality of finances has me realizing that having some more money would certainly be helpful (more security for retirement, more help for college and more travel). I do not want to work in a traditional setting though as being around that many people all the time would be more draining. So, I've worked on developing hobbies since working wasn't feasible but I'd still like to figure out something more. The hobbies helps in a way but of course doesn't address the money aspect at all. My degree is in Social Work, which pays peanuts and most jobs around here are government. With just a bachelor's degree it doesn't seem the pay would be worth being away from the kids at this point. It would have to be a lot more fulfilling to be worth giving up that. There was one guy at my last job that was the adventure guy, he took the kids on canoe trips, rapelling etc, if I could find a way to make money doing that it would be awesome but in my rural area I don't see how I could. I've thought about trying to do some type of cooking and/or menu planning help for those that are new to paleo or gluten free. Not sure how to start this or what I'd want to do. At this point I'm staying busy enough doing it for my own family.

 

I've always like the idea of dh being able to retire early but with current projections I don't see how that is possible. However, me being home with the kids is still a priority for us and honestly I don't have enough of myself to give to anything else at this very moment even if I could figure out something to do. As I said in the other thread I've not been able to think of how to monetize my interests and do it in a way that I would enjoy.

 

I've wanted to travel more but again with the reality of finances I'm looking at how feasible that is. It seems we will be traveling stateside for the most part as an international vacation looks out of reach for a while. I don't see how to change that without more money. There is nothing else we want to cut, our budget is not extravagant now, there is no eating out or fancy cell phones, no car payments, no debt.

 

So, I'm stuck figuring out how to bring all of these conflicting goals together. Many of my goals involve us having more money but I don't want a traditional job and am not the creative entrepreneurial type. I'm hoping the time to myself will be getting better shortly, although it will be incremental for awhile and probably at least a couple of years before it is significantly better.

[Amira]

I don't know that I would change much.  It's hard for me to establish a career with our frequent moves, and most of the obvious options don't really appeal to me anyway.  I'm very glad I started homeschooling because I never thought, all those years ago when my oldest ds was 4, that we'd be moving so often.  Homeschooling has made our nomadic life possible and I've loved being able to live in so many different places.  I think I made the right choice.

 

I do have regrets though.  I only have a bachelor's degree and that embarrasses me. I'm not sure that an online degree is worth the expense now when it mostly would be for personal fulfillment. There are careers I would have liked to pursue that aren't really possible.  Mostly though, right now I'm in the middle of dealing with a teenager who hates his life and there's not much more I can focus on, so when he's either settled down or moved out, I'll see about making some changes for me.

[DawnM]

:grouphug:

 

I don't know that I would change much.  It's hard for me to establish a career with our frequent moves, and most of the obvious options don't really appeal to me anyway.  I'm very glad I started homeschooling because I never thought, all those years ago when my oldest ds was 4, that we'd be moving so often.  Homeschooling has made our nomadic life possible and I've loved being able to live in so many different places.  I think I made the right choice.

 

I do have regrets though.  I only have a bachelor's degree and that embarrasses me. I'm not sure that an online degree is worth the expense now when it mostly would be for personal fulfillment. There are careers I would have liked to pursue that aren't really possible.  Mostly though, right now I'm in the middle of dealing with a teenager who hates his life and there's not much more I can focus on, so when he's either settled down or moved out, I'll see about making some changes for me.

 

[Amira]

Really?  Well, you feel how you feel, but nothing embarrassing about that IMO.  Unless gee, does everyone you know have a PhD or something?  I'm the first to graduate from college at all in my family.  Lot of high school drop outs in my family too.  So for me it's huge that I have a BA.

 

If it weren't so expensive, I'd pursue another degree because I know I'd enjoy it. I just can't justify the expense at the moment.

 

I always planned on getting something more than a bachelor's degree.  Dh is the one who doesn't love school and ended up with a JD, LLM, and PhD.  So I'm sort of jealous.  And yes, in my circles, a BA feels like nothing.  

[texasmama]

I think it is pretty common to have a "road not traveled" and, for me, that is a career in medicine or a PhD in psychology.  I had a pile of kids instead.  :)  No regrets, really - just an awareness that if I had waited longer to have kids, had fewer kids or didn't have kids, or didn't homeschool, I could have put that time and energy into something related to a career.  However, I would not change my choices, and I knew at the time I was at a fork in the road and consciously chose to have a baby.  Some people do it "all".  I knew I was not one of those folks who would be balancing the baby on one hip and a PhD dissertation on the other.  It is now "too late", in that I am otherwise occupied and due to age and resources and other forks in the road, the law of diminishing returns has kicked in for a secondary career in medicine or a PhD.  I am really, truly just fine with that.

[stripe]

I understand what Amira is saying; I felt like my mother's dreams were pegged on my completion of a PhD.

[stripe]

It's not your mother's life though.  People should have their own dreams and not demand others fulfill them.

I know I'm only pointing out the obvious here.

I know what you're saying. At the same time, to be clear, it's not that she hasn't fulfilled her dream-- its that her dream for me is fairly similar for her dream for herself. ;) In other words, she is not at all trying to make up for her own flaws or whatever. 

 

I have the terminal degree in my field. So does she. It's just, the terminal degree in my field is not a PhD. So to her, I am a bit "short." ;)

[saw]

Things are changing/going to change whether I want them to or not, because my two eldest are done with secondary school and are off to do one or two gap years (they graduated early, via internet school/national exam route). One will be in China, the other more local, but at a boarding school. DS13 is done with his local boarding school and is off to secondary boarding school that is not as close by, so I will go from seeing him several times a week to seeing him less often (but for longer at a time, which will be better I think). I am not going to homeschool DS7 at this point -- in some ways I would like to, but he is very very happy in his school right now, I like the school a lot, and if I don't start back to work now it will be even more impossible than it is now (and I know something can't be more impossible, but it sure feels that way). I know I will hugely regret not going back to work, or at least giving it a go, and that will make me resentful in the long run. As a single parent with almost 100 per cent responsibility/custody, I feel I have to be there for the kids financially as well as in all other ways. So I've been looking for work, planning fun things to do with ds7 (who will get way more attention now than he's used to) that are difficult to do with four kids, and looking into a few things that I can do for myself (maybe learn rock-climbing, or take a language class). If I could go back and change things, I would have continued to work parttime rather than quitting entirely as I think that would have given me more choices now.

[FO4UR]

I am right at the same spot with you (right down to married 14 years with 4 kids, youngest being a toddler who still cosleeps).

 

 

I am saving all the lessons I write for my kids.  I am writing whenever I get the chance. I started a blog (just learning right now). All this is in hopes of launching a career when my Big Three are past their need of my homeschooling them. 

 

I'd love to open a cottage school in 10 years.

[Guest]

No.

 

 

[SKL]

I wish I had a more realistic view of what was possible before I took up the working single parent gig.  It is so hard to give up and admit that I can't do xyz on top of everything else.  Especially when it takes screwing up to finally admit it.  So that's the first thing I would change - be more bare bones about my expectations of me.  Let my "less is more" motto apply to my demands on me.

 

I think I might have tried to put more effort into intellectual things, to keep my mind sharp.  Though I am not sure I actually had the time and energy to do that.  I can't remember, it's all a blur ....  I don't feel as smart as I felt before I became a parent, but who knows, that could just be the aging process.  Or maybe I'm just too tired to care as much in this phase of life.

 

I don't know, for the most part "flying by the seat of my pants" has not been as disastrous as one might think.  I may spend most of my time feeling out of control, but when I look back on the aftermath, it doesn't seem too messy.  I can live with it.

[elegantlion]

In hindsight I should have realized my marriage ended years before we separated. We tried, but alas, it fell apart anyway. I'm sure he still doesn't understand how bad it was. Anyway, I should have started working part-time to gain some updated work experience. Honestly, I considered leaving several years ago and I should have then. So, now I'm left with scrambling to be a single parent, be responsible for the entire household, be a full time college student, and homeschool high school. We did not set up our schooling so that ds could be totally independent, that was never my goal. I'm angry that I can't give it my full attention and I'll probably never forgive ex for that. Ex and I had agreed for years that ds's education was my highest priority. I'd also told him for years that high school was going to be a full time job + and I needed time and money to devote to it. I feel like I was left hanging. 

 

So, for me, the me part comes by prioritizing what I feel is important, letting a lot of things slide, redefining myself while working to get ds prepared for college, and trying to do all this while basically living on student aid. This was not what I had planned for this stage of my life. 

 

The bad part is it's going to take years before I fully trust anyone again. The good part is, ds is an awesome individual, I have a good support system, and we were able to downsize a lot of expenses before we separated. I don't necessarily like where I live, but it's easy to live cheaply here. There are days when it feels like I'm 18 and having to make all those life decisions all over - which helps me relate to ds a lot. However, there are days like today when I feel all of my 47 years and I want to shove every ounce of responsible to someone else for the day. 

[Storygirl]

I hate to say it, but as much as I love homeschooling, it makes me miserable. My children can be challenging, and I wither under the constant chaos and conflict. As an extreme introvert, being around other people all the time takes a toll. I worry that I may not be the best person to meet my children's special needs, but I also worry that they will not be well served if we put them in school.  Because of the strain it puts on me personally, I think that homeschooling is not the best choice for me, even if it may be the best choice for my children. However, now that we are in the midst of it, it is hard to decide to enroll in school instead.

 

So if I could go rewind, I think the wiser decision would be to not homeschool. Not because I want a career, but because I think I would be healthier if my kids were in school. Just writing that makes me feel like crying, because I wish it weren't true. Homeschooling has defined our family. Without it, everything would be different. If I stop homeschooling, I may regain some happiness for myself, but I know I will lose a great deal.

 

I would also go back in time and tell my younger self to do more to pursue my dreams of being a writer, instead of letting life crowd it out. OP, if you think about what you wanted from life when you were younger, does that help you think of a direction for the future?

[Jenny in Florida]

I do have regrets though.  I only have a bachelor's degree and that embarrasses me. I'm not sure that an online degree is worth the expense now when it mostly would be for personal fulfillment. There are careers I would have liked to pursue that aren't really possible. 

 

Ditto. My only actual "regret" is that I didn't get my master's, which would have allowed me to teach at least at the community college level. I have a friend who teaches at the community college where my son was dual enrolled, and she's always asking me why I don't get my master's so I can teach, too. She knows how much I love teaching and is always saying how great I'd be at it. 

 

Unfortunately, for a combination of reasons that I cannot for the moment decide how to overcome, going back to school is not an option for me. And, as you said, Amira, it really wouldn't be cost effective at this point in my life. 

 

I keep finding ways to stay kind-of, sort-of involved in education, but I definitely wish I had been working toward that degree all along.

[Guest]

I always planned on getting something more than a bachelor's degree.  Dh is the one who doesn't love school and ended up with a JD, LLM, and PhD.  So I'm sort of jealous.  And yes, in my circles, a BA feels like nothing.  

 

My dh and I both have master's degrees.  I got mine because my dh was getting his, my bil was getting his, my sister started hers and it just made me MAD that I was not doing something.  My BIL and sister didn't complete theirs, but they basically got me mine.  LOL.  

 

Another funny little story.  We threw a spontaneous party at our house one day...just grabbed a bunch of people from church and everyone came over for awhile.  The conversation got pretty interesting and then it lost me, and I realized that I was probably the least educated person in the room.  My dh noticed I was pretty quiet, and it was OK, I was just listening, but later, we agreed that for all our education (he has more than I), we were suited to be the bartenders in that room.  Everyone but us was speaking Russian or English, there were two MDs (one a surgeon), an actuarial, a PhD physicist, a PhD historian, a PhD sociologist.  It was wild.  And totally accidental.  :0)

 

Beer wench here!

[Guest]

And to the original question:  I wish I had kept up a small consultancy to "keep my hand in"--I have no idea what I would do now to go back to work.  But that's me talking now, and when I remember "then"--it simply would not have been possible.  Health issues and homeschooling...too much.  

And had I to do it over, I think I would have sent my son to school at 9th grade.  

 

But ... we never know what would have happened, so mostly I work on being content.

 

[LMD]

hmm. I feel like I'm still young and still have heaps I want to do. I turned 30 this year.

One big thing is that I wish someone had suggested to me in highschool that I was good at and enjoyed maths so Why not pursue the mathy side of career prospects. Instead I followed the well worn girls=humanities path. Later I stood at a fork in the road and knew it was too late. I should have been in finance like my dad. I would've been good at it, would've made a ton of money and had an easily transferable skill for part time work.... That's my only regret so far, feeling like I totally wasted my uni/working years! I'm doing other things and have plans, but they're different now.

[Joanne]

I would change:

 

Divorce #1 sooner (I stayed "for the kids)

Not marry # 2

 

I should have returned to school/work sooner, but OTOH my kids were all "double digit" age and I think that was a good time. So, maybe develop a whole WOMAN identify sooner - which was impossible with marriage #1.

 

You know, I LOVED homeschooling. I still miss it - and I am an administrator at a private school now and I still teach a bit.

[Garga]

Someone up thread said to think of what you wanted to do when you were younger and maybe see about pursuing that.

 

When I was younger, I liked to write stories. Two years ago I started a blog and set the goal to take a picture and write about the picture every single day. It was a breath of fresh air to me. I would post a link to my blog on FB and my friends would read it. It kept me going, knowing someone was reading it. I blossomed inside that year. It felt so good to write.

 

Also, I had always thought I'd be somewhat good at Photography. When my church started a very low key photo club, I joined. That was 3 years ago and I love, love, love it. I'm good enough that people I know ask me to take picture for them (senior portraits and such) and I can charge them without feeling like I'm stealing their money. The pictures turn out quite nice. Sometimes when I hold the camera in my hand, I get such a sense of peace and happiness.

 

Those might not be your things (writing, photography), but perhaps there's something like that from your past that you could pursue now? It was vital for me to do something just for me and not for the kids or even DH.

[waa510]

I think the changes I'd make relate more to me personally and how I reacted to my situation at the time. I had a lot of struggles then, but they have led to a lot of good in my life now. So I wish I could have put myself out there, not worried about those who had no time for me now that I was a mom. I would never change homeschooling, moving here, being with Dh from such a young age, attachment parenting.....all the things that my family and friends at the time vehemently opposed.

 

I am trying to appreciate where I am now and stop thinking about what the next 5-10 yrs will look like. I spent so much of my younger years planning everything exactly the way it should be and never enjoying or valuing the present. If I could go back, I'd tell myself to chill the bleep out! ;)

[lailasmum]

I guess the thing I feel a bit miffed about now is not being able to follow up on retraining / going to university again any time soon because of how expensive education here has got recently. The option I thought I had has tripled in price. So of I do it it'll be in 15 years or so. I'm trying to figure out what it means to be where I am now and how to make the best of it without feeling something is missing since I've given up pursuing photography.

[Audrey]

I wish I had a more realistic view of what was possible before I took up the working single parent gig.  It is so hard to give up and admit that I can't do xyz on top of everything else.  Especially when it takes screwing up to finally admit it.  So that's the first thing I would change - be more bare bones about my expectations of me.  Let my "less is more" motto apply to my demands on me.

 

I think I might have tried to put more effort into intellectual things, to keep my mind sharp.  Though I am not sure I actually had the time and energy to do that.  I can't remember, it's all a blur ....  I don't feel as smart as I felt before I became a parent, but who knows, that could just be the aging process.  Or maybe I'm just too tired to care as much in this phase of life.

 

I don't know, for the most part "flying by the seat of my pants" has not been as disastrous as one might think.  I may spend most of my time feeling out of control, but when I look back on the aftermath, it doesn't seem too messy.  I can live with it.

 

 

I could have written the bolded above.  If I could do it over, I wouldn't have worked so many jobs and so many hours -- I'm talking both for pay and not.  It's taken an enormous toll on my health.  You don't really realise how much you need to be healthy until you're not anymore.  I lost a lot of time, too, that I can't get back and it was wasted on people I didn't like and things I didn't care about doing.  I can't go back and do it over, though, so I'm just not doing all that anymore.  Finally.

[madteaparty]

Tmi

[LLMom]

I wish I had kept up my hobbies and possibly a part-time job at least some of the time.  I am at a loss as what to do now that I am putting all of mine in school this year.  I know I won't have a job outside of the home for at least a year.  I need some down time from homeschooling 19 years. But I have no idea what I want to do because my degree is in early childhood, and I do not want to teach.   I also wished I would have put my oldest son in school.  

[SKL]

So, how does our experience translate to what we tell our daughters?  Will many of you be teaching your girls to try to keep a career going (part or full time) throughout child rearing, so there is continuity and a safety net?

[Ripley]

So, how does our experience translate to what we tell our daughters?  Will many of you be teaching your girls to try to keep a career going (part or full time) throughout child rearing, so there is continuity and a safety net?

 

I think it depends on the daughter.

 

My sister has wanted to be a mommy since we were in diapers. And nothing else - a mommy.  She was a competitive athlete, continues to be an amazing singer, and is one of those annoying bloggers who make Martha Stewart look like an uninspired house maiden.

 

She went to college and graduated with a professional degree (as did we all, at the insistence of our parents).  She knew then it was a waste of time, but she complied.  Throughout college she worked as a bartender, and she didn't give that up even after law school. She met her husband while bartending.

 

She married and became a SAHW, and eventually a SAHM. She says despite it being a waste of her time to earn the degree, she's glad she did. She's so far out that I'm not even sure it can be considered a fall back.  Her Plan B is to return to bartending. That's what she considers to be her safety net.

 

We come from a large family. I loved many things about it but decided I didn't want many (or any, for a long while) kids of my own. I pursued a career with gusto. I retired from it last year, having worked (by choice) through my marriage and homeschooling my oldest through middle school.

 

My daughter is like my sister. She's only in 3rd grade, so there's plenty of time yet to see how it will go, but I think I'll be encouraging her to figure out a Plan B (and if it's bartending or waitressing, more power to her) that meshes with HER desired lifestyle. If she were like me, I'd encourage her to work part-time if she could, or at minimum keep her skills current. In part as a safety net, and more like a sanity net. Some of us aren't fulfilled by motherhood alone, no matter how rewarding an experience it is.

 

[Chris in VA]

Well, to the first part of the thread, I have a ton of regrets, but some of them would have been helped by having had a good diagnosis and good information sooner re Asperger's, ACOA and depression.

I wish I'd had more models of the parenting and vision for homemaking that I see around me now.

I wish I'd heard more about homeschooling a lot sooner--but then again, hsing has changed a lot in the past 15-20 years, so it might not have done much good...

I wish I'd realized how quickly time goes.

 

And I REALLY wish I'd not ran up thousands on credit and had gotten my spending and eating habits under control--though they are both symptoms of deeper crap.

 

But you know what? I can get really low in spirit by dwelling on the past. So I try not to.

 

Second part of the thread (this:)

So, how does our experience translate to what we tell our daughters?  Will many of you be teaching your girls to try to keep a career going (part or full time) throughout child rearing, so there is continuity and a safety net?

 

I'm teaching about credit usage, that's for darn sure. I have told my dd that something has to give when she has kids--I don't believe two working parents can have it all. I know, not popular. I'm teaching her to consider the impact of choosing a husband who may not make enough for her to stay home. Doesn't mean she shouldn't, doesn't mean it's not a good life, to have two working parents (hers do!). Just CONSIDER and educate herself on the effects on the family--both good and bad. What options does she want? Homeschooling? That one is hard (but not undoable) if you need two incomes. Does she want to stay home? Then she needs to be prepared for that--it can be boring, unfulfilling, tedious, financially hazardous....Does she want to work? That can mean letting someone else help raise your kids (daycare, nanny, split shifts with hubby--and there are only certain jobs that offer that perk) or feeling that you don't see them much. Also all the good things that come from either choice.

 

So, there's just a LOT that I feel it is necessary to think through.

 

Mostly, though, I do feel, as a Christian, that God will help--doesn't mean not being responsible, but there doesn't need to be tremendous anxiety about the future.

 

Anyway, I'm rambling.

[Crimson Wife]

I don't regret my choices from a life standpoint, but from a purely financial perspective they were incredibly stupid. We would be in so much a better place financially if we had stopped at one child and I'd gotten a grad degree in my 20's with no being a SAHM. I value family over money and career so that's why I don't regret the choices I made. But in a lot of respects my life would be so much easier had I gone for the "normal" path.

 

What I *REALLY* wish is that stupid, greedy people had never bought homes they knew (or should've known) they couldn't actually afford, pretty much destroying the industry my husband worked in from 2006 until earlier this year. He had nothing to do with the mortgage mess, but that didn't stop him from being collateral damage :-(

[momacacia]

I married at 30 after law school and practicing for 3 years. I loved the work I did but eventually got tired of the crazy, unhealthy people I worked with, so quit very shortly after getting married (and got pregnant with #1 shortly after quitting). I am so glad I had that decade in my life to learn, travel some, further my education, get some professional experiences, and put a piece of paper in my back pocket. Looking at my parenting, I feel it has made me a better mom and educator of my kids, but my Type A personality (which all that training helped create) isn't always the best suited to the SAHHSM lifestyle.

 

I will be making some changes now that we've had our last little one. I really married to work with DH and will go into more of a role at our family business this year to the extent I can juggle homeschooling and childcare around that. Some work will be from home and some at the office.

 

And I'm just going to generally start taking care of myself. Eating better, exercising, getting what is left of my body back and doing some trendy hair coloring in the near future. ;) The children will be sacrificing all the carpy food we've been eating to eat healthy with me. lol

[Joker]

I don't regret my decisions. I am going to school now so I can return to work at the same time oldest dd is driving (about two years from now). I know I have been fortunate to be able to stay home with them both since birth and I wouldn't trade what I've had all these years for a diploma, money, or career.

 

I will, and do, tell my dds to pursue their education before having children. I think having it will help them no matter what road they choose after having children. I've been rather open and honest with them about the advantages and disadvantages to being a stay home mom and, so far, they think it's better to stay home.

[mommymilkies]

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[SadieMarie]

I remember my midlife crisis.  I tortured myself with regrets, really made an art form out of it and ended up really depressed.  Or maybe the postpartum depression made the midlife crisis worse, hard to sort that stuff out.  My biggest regret was all the opportunities that I wasted.  But hindsight is really cruel so now I try not to do it at all.  I want to spend the second half of my life worrying less and being more in the moment.  

 

I have a masters degree and I am happy I did it, but I wish I had chosen something way more lucrative than social work.  But then I think that maybe that was what I needed to be doing kwim?  I don't regret hsing or being a SAHM but wish I could have made more money when I was working, thus the social work regret I guess.  My youngest is almost nine and by the time she is ready to launch I am going to be pushing sixty, too late to start some new career.  My only option would be something entrepreneurial and that is not me.  I have been able to sell some things at a local knitting store, but it is more for fun than money.  I don't even make sweatshop wages doing that.  

 

And Amira, even with the masters degree I am still the bartender in the room.  Actually, I am the busboy lol.  But at social events here busboys are in short supply and interesting/brilliant people are a dime a dozen so I try to take some comfort in that.