Jean in Newcastle Posted June 19, 2014 Share Posted June 19, 2014 This was said to me by a new checker at the grocery store this morning. And the "love" was definitely in quotes. I said, "They are with me all the time and yes, I do love it." She started to back track quickly about how nice it is to have kids. (I'm especially tired today and I was a bit exasperated with the kid's behavior but I still love it. And I think it is plain rude to say that in front of the kids.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FloridaLisa Posted June 19, 2014 Share Posted June 19, 2014 And I think it is plain rude to say that in front of the kids.) This makes me sad. Do parents think their kids can't hear it? Or don't care? I always like the comments that summertime kids are "eating them out of house and home." Yes! Feel my pain. :tongue_smilie: Lisa Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Andani Posted June 19, 2014 Share Posted June 19, 2014 It always frustrates me when people act like it's a punishment to spend time with their families. I feel sorry for them, and think maybe they don't know any better. It's such a common attitude that children are inconvenient and being a mom is a drag. I've been blessed to have good parenting examples in my life. I've been able to be home with my children to train them and get to know them as individuals. And I like my kids! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted June 19, 2014 Author Share Posted June 19, 2014 I'm not one that is always sugary sweet with my kids. You might hear me say half jokingly "you guys are the most annoying kids on the planet right now. Knock it off!" But that is interaction based on an underpinning of love and respect that is absolutely unshakeable. (The kids will say back to me, "You're annoying, Mom." and I don't see that as disrespectful or anything because it is how we joke.) A stranger coming up and saying that about kids has no underpinning of anything and is rude and hurtful. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kewb Posted June 19, 2014 Share Posted June 19, 2014 It is a cultural norm that you are supposed to act like time with your family is all kinds of awful. I actually do not know anyone who believes it but many of my friends whose kids go to school make these same kinds of comments. Most of the time they are not even listening to themselves-until I call them on it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TammyinTN Posted June 19, 2014 Share Posted June 19, 2014 I absolutely love having my kids around. Wish my middle dd and family lived close by so I could see them daily. I would take my kids over most adults I've met lately any day! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NorthwestMom Posted June 19, 2014 Share Posted June 19, 2014 I like being around my kids, and I feel very fortunate that I enjoy them as much as I do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted June 19, 2014 Share Posted June 19, 2014 I absolutely love having my kids around. Wish my middle dd and family lived close by so I could see them daily. I would take my kids over most adults I've met lately any day! :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrsMommy Posted June 19, 2014 Share Posted June 19, 2014 My favorite is when I take all of the children grocery shopping, and I happen to be buying a bottle of wine. I can't even tell you how many cashiers have said, "With all those children, you must really need it." Right in front of my children. And yes, they do notice, and yes, now they're old enough to be offended, and rightly so. I guess some cashiers just aren't lucky enough to have kids as cool as mine! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted June 19, 2014 Share Posted June 19, 2014 My son's presence keeps me sane, plus who would tuck the dog into bed every night. :lol: I hope it was just a flip "culturally normal" stereotype statement. I do love having my son around. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Baseball mom Posted June 19, 2014 Share Posted June 19, 2014 Those kind of statements drive me nuts. I am not a sugary sweet mom either. In fact I have said things like "I need an airsoft gun of my own so I can shoot you" :lol: My kiddos laughed. They know I would never actually shoot them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Desert Strawberry Posted June 19, 2014 Share Posted June 19, 2014 Those comments and the back-to-school ones make me want to poke people in the eye. I'm a mean mommy, but I would still rather have them here, even when I lie on my bed with the door locked (um, like now). I mean, my goodness,we don't have to be all cuddly sweet to not dread time with our kids. I make sure my kids know that as impatient as I am, and as short as my temper is, there is no one else I would rather spend my time with than them. And, I'm sorry (no, I'm not), but the excuse that summer breaks up their routine and somehow it's easier on me because I am"used to it" is largely BS. It works for me because I make it work. My kids are every bit as much work as everyone else's. I just don't choose to whine about it to the checker at the grocery store. I'm not going to get a reprieve in August. I'm not just holding out till this is over and I can get back to my real life. Ok. I'm done ranting now. Maybe. No. I'm done. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SemiSweet Posted June 19, 2014 Share Posted June 19, 2014 When my kids were in PS and I worked full time, I often felt exasperated when they were home, then when I stayed at home with them during the summer before we started hsing I started to see them in a different light. Once we were hsing, it got much easier and they started fighting less and less. I have one very difficult child and now even on her worst days I'm happy they're home with me, but it took quite a shift to get here. I love having them with me all the time, watching them learn and develop and getting to know them as people rather than little burdens. I feel sad for the parents who feel the way I once did. They don't mean it to be unkind (usually), they just probably feel overwhelmed. It also seems that it's a cultural norm to say things like that. :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NicksMama-Zack's Mama Too Posted June 19, 2014 Share Posted June 19, 2014 I home-schooled my two boys from K-8. I miss them when they are away at school and I look forward to seeing them when they arrive at home. II love the summer break and having them here! Even with all the typical teen behaviors, I thoroughly enjoy being with them. My SIL and BIL have had their daughter in daycare since she was 6 weeks old. They seem really frazzled when she is home with them all day during on the weekends. Some people never get used to being with their children for long periods of time and I think it's kinda sad. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momacacia Posted June 20, 2014 Share Posted June 20, 2014 Um well, no, I don't love having my kids around all the time. I don't like shopping with them, and I'm generally ready to go be alone by the time DH gets in the door. I enjoy the snippets of time I work on the computer or have to go into the office for something. While I like reading to them and enjoy when we have a great day of school, I really get tired of nagging and push g them all day to get stuff done, pick stuff up, worry about where they are and are we all safe when we're out in public and holding all the conversations and listening to all the things they have to say all the time. I'm really not naturally cut out for this but am being a sahhsm because I think it's best for their education. But, yeah, god help them, they have to be with me all day. ;) And now we're upping the ante going back on the crazy GAPS diet again, and I don't love cooking especially with them in the background and underfoot. I feel like I'm cooking away their childhoods, and I'd like some peace and quiet to do my work. /vent over/ :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NotSoObvious Posted June 20, 2014 Share Posted June 20, 2014 Of course I do! The dishes aren't going to do themselves! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted June 20, 2014 Share Posted June 20, 2014 When I was in my teens and early 20s, I loved spending all the time I could with my kid sister, 13 years my junior. I took care of her every need pretty much 24/7 when school was out, and I would have done more if I could. Funny thing, now that I'm 47, I have less patience for kids, including my own. I now know what my mom meant when she said that bedtimes were not for the kids, they were for the parents. :P I like my kids; we laugh a lot; I think they are awesome sauce. But they wear me down at times. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sewingmama Posted June 20, 2014 Share Posted June 20, 2014 I would have agreed with the cashier Lol. I like having my kids at home about 80% of the time. I realise I am lucky to be in the position to be able to do it and I do enjoy having them here. BUT that other 20% of the time I think I must be nuts to keep them at home when there is this free thing called school that will willingly take them off my hands for several hours a day so I can shop without whiners or clean without somebody making a mess behind me or not have to come up with lunch ideas every single day. But that thought doesn't last long.....afterall if they went to school who would there be to hug in the middle of the day...our cat is kind of scratchy and unfriendly lol. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HRAAB Posted June 20, 2014 Share Posted June 20, 2014 Maybe it's because I'm getting old and crotchety, but I have no patience for that. It's offensive to my children if they hear it, and it irritates me as their parent. I know the person doesn't mean it that way, and they're probably just trying to make conversation. How many times have I heard moms talking about how they can't wait until school starts or something. I don't think most people really, really mean it, but it's just one of those things they say. I always counter it if anyone says it to me and set them straight. At least on how I feel about my children being home. I love them being home. That's not to say I don't enjoy when the rare occasional occurs when they all have sleep overs, and dh and I get to be alone. :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted June 20, 2014 Author Share Posted June 20, 2014 I would have agreed with the cashier Lol. I like having my kids at home about 80% of the time. I realise I am lucky to be in the position to be able to do it and I do enjoy having them here. BUT that other 20% of the time I think I must be nuts to keep them at home when there is this free thing called school that will willingly take them off my hands for several hours a day so I can shop without whiners or clean without somebody making a mess behind me or not have to come up with lunch ideas every single day. But that thought doesn't last long.....afterall if they went to school who would there be to hug in the middle of the day...our cat is kind of scratchy and unfriendly lol. Sure. But this was someone I had never met before making a generalization about my kids simply because they were kids. I get tired and irritated with all the help that my elderly parents need sometimes too but I would not take kindly to someone saying "Don't you "love" it when your elderly parents need your help"? Because just like I can get irritated with my kids, I also love them and interact with them willingly because they are my kids. And the same applies to my elderly parents. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Desert Strawberry Posted June 23, 2014 Share Posted June 23, 2014 I don't understand (and haven't heard) the comments about kids eating more in the summer? Do the kids eat less at school? Or does it seem that way because they have prepacked foods? Or is it because the school provides 1-2 meals per day, possibly at reduced cost? I feel like packed lunches are MORE expensive than home cooked. One of the ways we "afford" to homeschool is that I cook big pots of cheap foods like beans and rice, oatmeal, soups, porridges, stews. My average meal for 5 costs less than $5 TOTAL, and breaks down to less than $0.50 per serving. I know that's not typical, but it doesn't seem like it would cost MORE to feed them at home. Heack, in the summer I spend more on food because we pack our lunches more often. Even sandwiches and fruit adds up. ETA: I'm vegan, so these are our typical foods anyway, in addition to lots of fresh fruits and veg. I'm not skimping on nutrition to save a buck. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted June 23, 2014 Author Share Posted June 23, 2014 I like having them at home, but I'm not going to lie and say I find the holidays easy. I thrive on consistent routines, which makes term time very easy for me. Adjusting to having the kids at home and no school/term weekend routine is tough for me, I feel like I'm always 'on' - guilty if I'm ignoring the kids, exhausted if we're doing fun summer stuff. We school year around partly so that we have consistent routines year round. But we do "school lite" so that we have time for some of the fun summer stuff. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momto10blessings Posted June 23, 2014 Share Posted June 23, 2014 It's been 2 weeks since public school was let out and every single time I've gone out with the kids I've had those comments. I just tell them it's my norm. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OK Family Posted June 23, 2014 Share Posted June 23, 2014 I enjoy my kids around. As a matter of fact I last minute decided to have them go to a VBS this morning and I'm twiddling my thumbs! I miss them but I thought it would be good for them to get out a bit! Now I have plan a few things for me to get out the rest of the week while their in VBS. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Audrey Posted June 23, 2014 Share Posted June 23, 2014 That's how you know it's summer! :laugh: All the comments and whinging about having the kids underfoot 24/7 come rolling out. FWIW, it bugs me, too, and I tend to get very snarky, especially if they say that right in front of my kid. My usual is to say something like, "oh yes! I can't staaaand having him around all the time. He's just the most horrible child ever born! An ingrate! A little hoodlum! I can't waaaaiit until he leaves home foreeeeeever!" Insert copious amounts of eye rolling and dripping sarcasm into the above. My kid has never misunderstood my real meaning when saying things like that, either. He laughs. On a few occasions, he's even tossed in his own "oh yes, I'm rotten to the core!" or some such thing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poppy Posted June 23, 2014 Share Posted June 23, 2014 I take comments like that in the spirit of "we're in the trenches together" humor. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommymilkies Posted June 23, 2014 Share Posted June 23, 2014 I'm not one that is always sugary sweet with my kids. You might hear me say half jokingly "you guys are the most annoying kids on the planet right now. Knock it off!" But that is interaction based on an underpinning of love and respect that is absolutely unshakeable. (The kids will say back to me, "You're annoying, Mom." and I don't see that as disrespectful or anything because it is how we joke.) A stranger coming up and saying that about kids has no underpinning of anything and is rude and hurtful. Same here. I've heard more than my fair share of nasty comments about kids and it drives me bonkers. Not all are in a joking manner (even those still annoy me), some are very serious and make me really sad. Kids don't need to hear that. I'm certainly not all sunshine and roses, but kids do pick up those sorts of attitudes and the rude remarks. Maybe it's because I'm getting old and crotchety, but I have no patience for that. It's offensive to my children if they hear it, and it irritates me as their parent. I know the person doesn't mean it that way, and they're probably just trying to make conversation. How many times have I heard moms talking about how they can't wait until school starts or something. I don't think most people really, really mean it, but it's just one of those things they say. I always counter it if anyone says it to me and set them straight. At least on how I feel about my children being home. I love them being home. That's not to say I don't enjoy when the rare occasional occurs when they all have sleep overs, and dh and I get to be alone. :001_smile: :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LucyStoner Posted June 23, 2014 Share Posted June 23, 2014 My SAHD brother makes a trite joke of counting down the days of summer. The thing is, is that he is a pretty great dad and has a nice summer planned out. But he needs that plan. School is also a big part of his life because he's an active PTA volunteer (and is the president elect). That said, his kids miss their friends, most of whom are in camp or daycare all summer because all the parents have to work. My older niece really likes school. A lot. So they are eager for school too. I think that they like the routine that the school day affords them all. So when I hear the annoying "the kids are out of school" comments from others I try to think that there is more to their lives than I know about and maybe summer poses challenges for them or is a financial hardship or they too need the structure and routine. Not everyone is cut out to be with kids, even theirs, all day, day in and day out. Who am I to criticize them? My brother is a great dad, regardless of this little bit of humor he employs. I will have 4 kids with me most days this summer. Friday was my first day of that. It was a great day, but it's more work than my 2, that's for sure. I have 2 so going to 4 is an adjustment. When you are used to the kids being in school; it's an adjustment when they are home all day for a sustained time period. It's not everyone's cup of tea. Also I wonder to what degree this is some tired little bit of humor that people go to by default without thinking about it much. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted June 23, 2014 Author Share Posted June 23, 2014 This was a stranger who said this to me. If a friend, who I absolutely knew loved their kids (as I absolutely know all my friends do), said this at the end of a tiring day or just as a joke, I would not think anything of it. But when a stranger says it, there is no context for the humor or anything indeed to even say that it is humor. I'm sure it was more of a cultural default thing but not all cultural defaults are good. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arcadia Posted June 23, 2014 Share Posted June 23, 2014 I don't understand (and haven't heard) the comments about kids eating more in the summer? Do the kids eat less at school? Or does it seem that way because they have prepacked foods? Or is it because the school provides 1-2 meals per day, possibly at reduced cost? School does provide breakfast and lunch for those on free/reduced lunch. During summer holidays, the children would have to go to the designated schools for free meals as not all the schools stay open. My older boy does eat much less during school term when at B&M because he eats a light breakfast before walking to school, skips eating recess to play tag, eats a light lunch during lunch time. He also goes to bed earlier. During summer he wakes up at past 7am and eats until past 11pm as we have an open kitchen policy. Food run out a lot faster during school breaks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joker Posted June 23, 2014 Share Posted June 23, 2014 I actually heard a lot of parents counting down until summer began. It seemed many were just as excited as I was about having them home and not having school. These were middle school parents so I don't know if that makes a difference. I will say that summers are really busy and crazy now that they are both in school and teenagers. They have so many plans! They have plans to meet for lunch, to see a movie, to play miniature golf, etc. I grew up in a small town where everyone knew everyone and I didn't have to count on my parents for transportation. I had rides to practices or group activities and most of the time my parents wouldn't know who I was with or what I was doing (I stayed out of trouble, though). They just knew I would be home for dinner. That's not the way it is here so I find myself doing a lot of driving and waiting so far this summer. I can totally see myself being ready for the school year to begin again by the end of the summer. Of course, right after it starts I will be ready for it to end and them be home again. :tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redsquirrel Posted June 24, 2014 Share Posted June 24, 2014 It will start here soon. This is the last week of school. FWIW, the ONLY person I know who makes comments like that all summer is my SIL and she isn't a particularly loving mother. She means it. All my friends, both the homeschooling and the ones with kids in public school bemoan the change in schedule and look forward to getting back to routine in September. But they all enjoy being with their kids, I have no doubt. My friends with kids in school have a difficult time because they have to really hustle to find childcare or camps or whatever during the summer. The going rate seems to be about 300$ a week for a 9-3 camp. So they dread summer because it means switching off vacation time with their partner and having grandma come to stay, and negotiating with the boss for a couple 1/2 time weeks etc until the kids are back in school. I watch my sister do it every year and it looks horrible and stressful and not fun. So, I can understand why she is looking forward to school starting again. At least her weeks are consistent. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LucyStoner Posted June 24, 2014 Share Posted June 24, 2014 This was a stranger who said this to me. If a friend, who I absolutely knew loved their kids (as I absolutely know all my friends do), said this at the end of a tiring day or just as a joke, I would not think anything of it. But when a stranger says it, there is no context for the humor or anything indeed to even say that it is humor. I'm sure it was more of a cultural default thing but not all cultural defaults are good.In the stranger context, I think it is really just mostly a tired trope that people, maybe without more interesting things to say on the tip of their tongues, reach for. I agree it is annoying. But I don't know if it is usually rude so much as it is thoughtless auto pilot. I don't like the implications anymore than you do, it really does seem to undermine the value of children that this is such an oft-repeated remark. I've noticed a few more stares now that I am out with four kids and I thought it was the fact that a lot of people consider that a big family but I think some of it is that the kids have way different skin colors. My niece is the oldest and people take her for a lighter skinned AA girl. My older son is right after her and very fair. Then my nephew, who favors his mother's appearance more and is more Puerto Rican in appearance and then a younger fair headed light eyed child. It's like they can't figure out what to make of it. The one comment was really stupid, someone asked me if my children all had different fathers and I was like "actually, these two sets of siblings have different fathers and different mothers, they are cousins." "Biologically?" "Uh, what does that matter?" They are related by blood but what the hell does that matter. I'm not drawing them a family tree while we are chatting at the park, you know? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redsquirrel Posted June 24, 2014 Share Posted June 24, 2014 In the stranger context, I think it is really just mostly a tired trope that people, maybe without more interesting things to say on the tip of their tongues, reach for. I agree it is annoying. But I don't know if it is usually rude so much as it is thoughtless auto pilot. I don't like the implications anymore than you do, it really does seem to undermine the value of children that this is such an oft-repeated remark. I've noticed a few more stares now that I am out with four kids and I thought it was the fact that a lot of people consider that a big family but I think some of it is that the kids have way different skin colors. My niece is the oldest and people take her for a lighter skinned AA girl. My older son is right after her and very fair. Then my nephew, who favors his mother's appearance more and is more Puerto Rican in appearance and then a younger fair headed light eyed child. It's like they can't figure out what to make of it. The one comment was really stupid, someone asked me if my children all had different fathers and I was like "actually, these two sets of siblings have different father and different mothers, they are cousins." "Biologically?" "Uh, what does that matter?" They are related by blood but what the hell does that matter. I'm not drawing them a family tree while we are chatting at the park, you know? oh god, some people are just asshats who need to develop inner monologues. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
*Alyssa* Posted June 24, 2014 Share Posted June 24, 2014 I love when people make comments like that, because it gives me a chance to brag on my kids. :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shawthorne44 Posted June 24, 2014 Share Posted June 24, 2014 I was thinking about this the other day. I am frequently amazed at how wonderful DD is, and how much I enjoy being with her. That cultural norm had become en-grained in me and I think my life would be a great deal different today if it weren't for that. I had not been interested in having kids. I think because of how I thought my life would be miserable. I used to joke that I promised my first born child to about 100 different people. Really horrible joke now. But, if I'd been eager for kids, I would have probably married my college fiance and had kids at least 15 years earlier than I did. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
6packofun Posted June 24, 2014 Share Posted June 24, 2014 Of course I do! The dishes aren't going to do themselves! Oh my gosh, I love this. *sticking in my back pocket for future use...* Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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