Jennifer132 Posted April 10, 2014 Share Posted April 10, 2014 Advice welcome. My brother in law is young (just turned 30) and has an illness called ALS which has basically left him unable to walk or talk, but his mind is sharp. He and my sister in law are part of a charismatic movement called Word of Faith. Basically they believe that God cannot heal you unless you have enough faith, and that you must literally speak words of faith or you won't be healed. You are to ignore any real signs of your sickness because they are tricks of the devil to plant seeds of doubt. God and Jesus are limited in their power to heal you if you possess any doubt whatsoever. And healing is part of salvation at the cross. We can demand healing and command that God give it to us. They are very vocal about their beliefs, which are completely opposed to mine as a much more conservative Christian. Here's my conundrum: their posts drive me a bit batty because they are so unbiblical in my view. But I try to let them slide because I know my husband feels if we disagree with them in any way it will be taken as a personal attack. They have always been very defensive if anyone questions anything they say. And now that my bil is so sick, anything I say about healing needs to come across incredibly sensitive to his situation (which is such a devastating situation). Yesterday, my bil posted that Christ is limited by our unbelief. I just felt that was so unbiblical I could not keep silent. So I simply asked in a comment, if Christ is God, isn't he all powerful? If he is all powerful, how can he be limited by humans? If he isn't all powerful, how can he be God? My husband understood why I felt like I had to respond and he was ok with how I did so. I don't want to be pulled into a debate, but my sil and bil have now renewed their energy and are posting frequently little snippets from their faith's doctrine. I feel like I can't respond to them all because I don't want to argue, but it drives me crazy to see the posts and ignore them. It is one thing to have an atheist or other religion who is very vocal. But this feels more personal to me because they are using the Bible as a proof text to share teachings that I believe are false and will lead many people down the wrong path. I thought about blocking them so I didn't have to see it, but I mostly get my updates about his well being as far as ALS from there. I don't want to break down that line of communication due to that. What would you do? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted April 10, 2014 Share Posted April 10, 2014 I'd just pray for them. I would ignore what I could. They are facing not only a devastating illness, but because of their beliefs, a devastating attack on their whole worldview. Hopefully the truth you spoke will slowly sink through to them but it may take a lot of time to do so. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zoobie Posted April 10, 2014 Share Posted April 10, 2014 He's the one suffering, and it's his page. He can post all the crazy he wants, and he has a right to believe anything he wants. Let it go. Post if you can be supportive, ignore if you can't. You can hit hide on individual posts after you scan them to see if there's any actual news. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
milovany Posted April 10, 2014 Share Posted April 10, 2014 We used to be word of faith (and I'm sure there are WOF members and lurkers here). Just let it go. They believe, just like you do, that they ARE scriptural. They can in fact show plenty of verses that back up what they believe. It's just how you interpret them that is different, honestly. I'm sorry about your brother's illness. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted April 10, 2014 Share Posted April 10, 2014 Let it go. Let them believe whatever will help them work their way through the horrible situation they are facing. I know it's hard, but in this particular case, this really isn't about you or what you believe. It's about whatever gives your BIL and SIL some comfort. Really, what do you hope to gain by pressing your beliefs on them and arguing with their position? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Butter Posted April 10, 2014 Share Posted April 10, 2014 I'd just pray for them. I would ignore what I could. They are facing not only a devastating illness, but because of their beliefs, a devastating attack on their whole worldview. Hopefully the truth you spoke will slowly sink through to them but it may take a lot of time to do so. Pretty much this. I don't think there is anything else you could do. And definitely ignore all the things they post. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nmoira Posted April 10, 2014 Share Posted April 10, 2014 Is your brother seeing a doctor? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
G5052 Posted April 10, 2014 Share Posted April 10, 2014 Ignore. Chronic, degenerative conditions are tough to deal with. If they take hope in this, I wouldn't burst their bubble. Especially because they are so convinced. They may need you at some point when it really takes a downturn. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrairieSong Posted April 10, 2014 Share Posted April 10, 2014 Wow, how difficult. I'd pray for them and possibly hide them from my Facebook feed. Is there another relative or friend who could give you updates on his health? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jennifer132 Posted April 10, 2014 Author Share Posted April 10, 2014 Is your brother seeing a doctor? Yes, he sees a doctor. ALS is not treatable. But he sees a doctor periodically to get prescriptions for assistive devices (feeding tube, etc). Actually their church is quite against seeing a doctor because it admits that illness is present. But they have to live in reality while still holding true to their beliefs. So they have recently taken more steps to obtain devices to help him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nmoira Posted April 10, 2014 Share Posted April 10, 2014 Yes, he sees a doctor. ALS is not treatable. But he sees a doctor periodically to get prescriptions for assistive devices (feeding tube, etc). Actually their church is quite against seeing a doctor because it admits that illness is present. But they have to live in reality while still holding true to their beliefs. So they have recently taken more steps to obtain devices to help him. In that case, I'd just ignore the FB posts. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jennifer132 Posted April 10, 2014 Author Share Posted April 10, 2014 Let it go. Let them believe whatever will help them work their way through the horrible situation they are facing. I know it's hard, but in this particular case, this really isn't about you or what you believe. It's about whatever gives your BIL and SIL some comfort. Really, what do you hope to gain by pressing your beliefs on them and arguing with their position? Cat, I have let it go for a long time, but I have to be honest, their theology is ripping their kids apart (they are 9,7, and 4). The children are not allowed to grieve. They aren't allowed to admit feelings of doubt that their dad is healed, or admit he is sick. My sil has gone from a working mom to a full time nurse to her husband and she doesn't share her troubles with anyone because it would be planting doubt, and then if he isn't healed, it's her fault. I do not think they truly take comfort in this theology. I think they are desperately trying to come to terms with the reality they are faced with and their beliefs. Their whole circle of friends believes this way. They do not offer to serve them because it would be admitting that he is sick. Honestly, my reason for trying to shed light on the topic is to free them from thinking it is their fault he is sick . The whole situation breaks my heart. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Norah Posted April 10, 2014 Share Posted April 10, 2014 I would suggest you not have their posts on your feed, but to check their walls occasionally so you still know what's going on. Seeing the content that bothers you all at once on your terms, when you're prepared to view it might be easier than having it show up on a regular basis on your feed throughout the day. I hope you find a way to stay connected without it frustrating you too much. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
8circles Posted April 10, 2014 Share Posted April 10, 2014 Oh, that's sad. I'm so sorry you're all going through this. Cat, I have let it go for a long time, but I have to be honest, their theology is ripping their kids apart (they are 9,7, and 4). The children are not allowed to grieve. They aren't allowed to admit feelings of doubt that their dad is healed, or admit he is sick. My sil has gone from a working mom to a full time nurse to her husband and she doesn't share her troubles with anyone because it would be planting doubt, and then if he isn't healed, it's her fault. I do not think they truly take comfort in this theology. I think they are desperately trying to come to terms with the reality they are faced with and their beliefs. Their whole circle of friends believes this way. They do not offer to serve them because it would be admitting that he is sick. Honestly, my reason for trying to shed light on the topic is to free them from thinking it is their fault he is sick . The whole situation breaks my heart. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jennifer132 Posted April 10, 2014 Author Share Posted April 10, 2014 We used to be word of faith (and I'm sure there are WOF members and lurkers here). Just let it go. They believe, just like you do, that they ARE scriptural. They can in fact show plenty of verses that back up what they believe. It's just how you interpret them that is different, honestly. I'm sorry about your brother's illness. WOF is gaining popularity. My dh grew up in it along with his sister. My in laws are WOF. I grew up in a church that formed after the Jesus movement and was charismatic. I'm well aware of their beliefs as my dh has had to wrestle with them as an adult. I have read their literature (they closely follow Kenyon and TL Osborne). I have been to their church, and I know most all the scriptures that they use as proof texts. I totally agree they are convinced it is scriptural. And there probably are those who are WOF on here. My intent isnt to attack WOF or it's members, my purpose in posting was to find a way to be sensitive to his situation and beliefs while still staying true to my beliefs. I think it's more than a difference in how you interpret scripture. Only one of us can be right, or maybe we are both wrong! :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MomatHWTK Posted April 10, 2014 Share Posted April 10, 2014 I don't have a FB account, so I guess I am old fashioned... But I can't see trying to convince or comfort someone facing such deeply personal issues via comments on a webpage. These are issues that need to be handled face to face after are large investment of time in relationship building. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fraidycat Posted April 10, 2014 Share Posted April 10, 2014 I'd just ignore the FB posts. I'm not familiar with that particular religious doctrine, but it sounds similar to the positive thought, attitude of gratitude, being mindful school of thought that is out there that isn't necessarily religion of any sort, but a way for people to cope and overcome stress. At least they are seeking assistive devices. :grouphug: ALS is such a devastating disease. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heatherwith4 Posted April 10, 2014 Share Posted April 10, 2014 I think you really do have to let it go. Maybe you could hide their posts for a while? Certainly pray for them. (I'm sure you are already.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
albeto. Posted April 10, 2014 Share Posted April 10, 2014 Cat, I have let it go for a long time, but I have to be honest, their theology is ripping their kids apart (they are 9,7, and 4). The children are not allowed to grieve. They aren't allowed to admit feelings of doubt that their dad is healed, or admit he is sick. My sil has gone from a working mom to a full time nurse to her husband and she doesn't share her troubles with anyone because it would be planting doubt, and then if he isn't healed, it's her fault. I do not think they truly take comfort in this theology. I think they are desperately trying to come to terms with the reality they are faced with and their beliefs. Their whole circle of friends believes this way. They do not offer to serve them because it would be admitting that he is sick. Honestly, my reason for trying to shed light on the topic is to free them from thinking it is their fault he is sick . The whole situation breaks my heart. Hi Jennifer. I'm not a Christian, but once was. This kind of theology was my introduction to the faith. I was surrounded by genuinely wonderful, giving, supportive women who earnestly and sincerely believed God and the bible could be trusted even to the extent of ignoring physical cues (such as symptoms to illness and physical trauma). They were extraordinarily knowledgeable about the bible and, like milovany says, could support their theology solidly. The fact is, it is biblical, but so too is your theology. So you will no sooner change their minds than they will change yours. That's one of the things about faith that frustrate people like me, people who see the pain and damage you're seeing in your nieces and nephews, but on a larger scale. Anyway, it sounds like you can't really offer any opposing points of view to your nieces and nephews. This is a shame, I think. Nevertheless, it is the reality, and what you have to work with is limited. For this reason, I would encourage you to ignore the posts that drive you crazy, and maintain a good relationship with this part of the family to the best of your ability. Your nieces and nephews will grow up and naturally begin to think more critically of this theology. They may reject it in time, especially as they are faced with alternative explanations of how the world works. However, they may absolutely embrace it wholeheartedly and raise their own children to do the same. In either case, your options are quite limited. You can either 1) be involved, or 2) be ignored. Whichever option you desire will inspire your next move. I'm so sorry to hear about your bil. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poppy Posted April 10, 2014 Share Posted April 10, 2014 I'd let it go. Never debate religion on Facebook. Never ever tell a critically ill person his beflefs are wrong. Period. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jennifer132 Posted April 10, 2014 Author Share Posted April 10, 2014 He's the one suffering, and it's his page. He can post all the crazy he wants, and he has a right to believe anything he wants. Let it go. Post if you can be supportive, ignore if you can't. You can hit hide on individual posts after you scan them to see if there's any actual news. In some ways I agree. And in the past, I haven't commented on his posts. He certainly has the right to post what he wants and believe wht he wants, i dont question that whatsoever! :) I do post many encouraging things on his wall. We send encouraging notes in the mail every week. Our church raised 5000 dollars for him to get a handicap accessible bathroom. Because his church is WOF, they don't help him. They don't donate funds or encourage him because it would be acknowledging sickness. I'm not saying he doesn't have a right to believe it, and I can definitely be supportive (and try to when I can). :) This all started bothering me more yesterday. We took my dd to a neurologist and she was given a tentative diagnosis of ataxic cerebral palsy with right sided weakness. I posted her results on my facebook. My sil and bil, they posted "she is healed" "she doesn't need therapy or an MRI". then a few moments later, they posted on their own pages more snippets from Word of Faith. And then all afternoon, more snippets. It seemed very passive aggressive to me. As much as I would love for my dd to be healed, the reality is right now she has cp. I believe in God's sovereignty. I feel she is fearfully and wonderfully made whether she has cp or not. I don't feel the need to argue about every point they post. And I haven't in the past. But what they posted on my wall, I think it felt more personal to me. They were applying their beliefs about healing to my dd, even though they know we don't hold the same (don't get me wrong, we believe God heals, but not on demand). So now their posts are making me a little more irritated than prior. You give good advice that I can scan them and delete what I am tempt to respond to in an unsupportive way. Thanks! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poppy Posted April 10, 2014 Share Posted April 10, 2014 Yeah that is not ok. Delete their IMO offensive and completely inAppropriate posts without comment. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jennifer132 Posted April 10, 2014 Author Share Posted April 10, 2014 I don't have a FB account, so I guess I am old fashioned... But I can't see trying to convince or comfort someone facing such deeply personal issues via comments on a webpage. These are issues that need to be handled face to face after are large investment of time in relationship building. I totally agree, and we have invested copious amounts of time in our relationship with them. Ironically, webpages, email, and the like are far better modes of communication for us now because ALS causes the inability to speak intelligibly. Not only can we no longer understand his speech, but it tires him out to speak. So Facebook is his main mode of communication. but I do agree with you that generally speaking face to face is better. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MomatHWTK Posted April 10, 2014 Share Posted April 10, 2014 I would assume that since they believe they must speak it to "own it" they were trying to do so for your DD. They probably believe (if I understand the faith correctly) that by posting they are giving your DD healing and want that for her. If I were you, I would take a break from the world for awhile and let yourself adjust to the issues you are facing with your DD. The mind can only process so much at once. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
albeto. Posted April 10, 2014 Share Posted April 10, 2014 It seemed very passive aggressive to me. Maybe they're genuinely trying to be helpful. The see the "cure" that you are ignoring. Out of love, they want you to grab that cure. It seems to me they could be thinking, maybe, just maybe, it will work for you like it worked for someone's toothache, and then they can have renewed hope in your bil's condition. I don't have a very positive opinion about it, and it seems to me their reaction is quite pathetic, deserving of pity, not anger. Unless they have a history of being passive-aggressive in general, maybe they're simply desperate and hoping that by stating their faith to you, it will make it stronger for them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jennifer132 Posted April 10, 2014 Author Share Posted April 10, 2014 OP here: Those of you who have said to ignore the comments are likely right. It will be an exercise in self restraint! I like the idea of periodically checking their page rather than seeing new things pop up constantly. In general I agree not to tell a critically I'll person they are wrong (which I haven't done--all I did was ask a genuine question--how can Christ be God if he isn't all powerful?) and he answered me in his own way without taking offense. I wouldn't presume to blast his beliefs on FB or in person, but I don't feel that in this instance my question was out of line. But it's true I need to take care how I interact so I don't hurt feelings for no good reason. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zoobie Posted April 10, 2014 Share Posted April 10, 2014 In some ways I agree. And in the past, I haven't commented on his posts. He certainly has the right to post what he wants and believe wht he wants, i dont question that whatsoever! :) I do post many encouraging things on his wall. We send encouraging notes in the mail every week. Our church raised 5000 dollars for him to get a handicap accessible bathroom. Because his church is WOF, they don't help him. They don't donate funds or encourage him because it would be acknowledging sickness. I'm not saying he doesn't have a right to believe it, and I can definitely be supportive (and try to when I can). :) This all started bothering me more yesterday. We took my dd to a neurologist and she was given a tentative diagnosis of ataxic cerebral palsy with right sided weakness. I posted her results on my facebook. My sil and bil, they posted "she is healed" "she doesn't need therapy or an MRI". then a few moments later, they posted on their own pages more snippets from Word of Faith. And then all afternoon, more snippets. It seemed very passive aggressive to me. As much as I would love for my dd to be healed, the reality is right now she has cp. I believe in God's sovereignty. I feel she is fearfully and wonderfully made whether she has cp or not. I don't feel the need to argue about every point they post. And I haven't in the past. But what they posted on my wall, I think it felt more personal to me. They were applying their beliefs about healing to my dd, even though they know we don't hold the same (don't get me wrong, we believe God heals, but not on demand). So now their posts are making me a little more irritated than prior. You give good advice that I can scan them and delete what I am tempt to respond to in an unsupportive way. Thanks! Well, see--that's encroaching on YOUR page and your beliefs. That's inappropriate from them, especially as it concerns the serious health matters of your minor child. There are ways to tailor who sees what. If you want to post things about your DD for your [supportive] friends and family, you can always exclude them from seeing it. It may be easier on family relations than deleting what they post, unless you want to have a discussion with them that ok, you have your beliefs and I will respect/not comment on them, and you need to respect mine. But if in the past, you've debated religion with them on their FB posts, you may have opened the door so to speak, and they may think it's okay with you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted April 10, 2014 Share Posted April 10, 2014 Don 't engage on their page. On YOUR page, delete as you see fit. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katy Posted April 10, 2014 Share Posted April 10, 2014 I.... am not a cessasionist, but I did find a lot to think about in the Strange Fire conference. You might want to watch this, it's a video of Joni Eareckson Tada, a quadriplegic talking about coming to terms with not being physically healed but getting a deeper healing. You might want to familiarize yourself with it and have the points ready. Because someday, unless there is an exceptional miracle, someone who loves him is going to deeply question their faith. And hopefully when that happens, you can be there with some answers, some things that point them back to God rather than being angry at Him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted April 10, 2014 Share Posted April 10, 2014 1. You can unfollow them on fb and check their pages once in a while to see if they've posted something unrelated. OR 2. You can delete the offensive posts as they come up. after that you can provide support without directly saying you know he's ill. If you live nearby you can do stuff their fellow church members won't (take the kids out, clean the house, make meals for mom, take care of BIL for a day to give SIL a day off). If you don't live nearby, pay for occasional maid service and take out dinners. And you can pray the way you believe. I would advise against looking at the religious posts because they upset you and I would say no to commenting because your BILand SIL do not need further stress and feelings of lack of support from family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
simplemom Posted April 10, 2014 Share Posted April 10, 2014 Different situation,but I have a good friend with completely opposite political and religious views as me. We have a lot in common outside of those areas. For those reasons we have remained friends for several years. She never belittles my views in person, but Facebook is her outlet to post the most hurtful and sarcastic things about people of my faith. Some posts have been so hurtful, in one she said those that teach children from the scientific viewpoint I happen to teach to my children were child abusers! I considered ending the entire friendship over that one post, even though she didn't direct it towards me personally. Since then, I have hidden her posts from my feed, and once every couple of weeks I'll skim her Facebook page to see if she posted anything of interest, like pictures of her garden, funny quotes from her child, etc.....it's so much easier this way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MistiDelaney Posted April 10, 2014 Share Posted April 10, 2014 I have to do the same with my birth family's posts for essentially similar reasons, simplemom. It can be very difficult to unknow what someone really thinks of one's beliefs, but that makes it easier to pretend to ignore the offence. :p Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted April 10, 2014 Share Posted April 10, 2014 Cat, I have let it go for a long time, but I have to be honest, their theology is ripping their kids apart (they are 9,7, and 4). The children are not allowed to grieve. They aren't allowed to admit feelings of doubt that their dad is healed, or admit he is sick. My sil has gone from a working mom to a full time nurse to her husband and she doesn't share her troubles with anyone because it would be planting doubt, and then if he isn't healed, it's her fault. I do not think they truly take comfort in this theology. I think they are desperately trying to come to terms with the reality they are faced with and their beliefs. Their whole circle of friends believes this way. They do not offer to serve them because it would be admitting that he is sick. Honestly, my reason for trying to shed light on the topic is to free them from thinking it is their fault he is sick . The whole situation breaks my heart. Thanks for responding to my post, Jennifer. After reading the new details you posted, I can understand why you feel so conflicted and worried. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WishboneDawn Posted April 10, 2014 Share Posted April 10, 2014 Hi Jennifer. I'm not a Christian, but once was. This kind of theology was my introduction to the faith. I was surrounded by genuinely wonderful, giving, supportive women who earnestly and sincerely believed God and the bible could be trusted even to the extent of ignoring physical cues (such as symptoms to illness and physical trauma). They were extraordinarily knowledgeable about the bible and, like milovany says, could support their theology solidly. The fact is, it is biblical, but so too is your theology. So you will no sooner change their minds than they will change yours. That's one of the things about faith that frustrate people like me, people who see the pain and damage you're seeing in your nieces and nephews, but on a larger scale. Anyway, it sounds like you can't really offer any opposing points of view to your nieces and nephews. This is a shame, I think. Nevertheless, it is the reality, and what you have to work with is limited. For this reason, I would encourage you to ignore the posts that drive you crazy, and maintain a good relationship with this part of the family to the best of your ability. Your nieces and nephews will grow up and naturally begin to think more critically of this theology. They may reject it in time, especially as they are faced with alternative explanations of how the world works. However, they may absolutely embrace it wholeheartedly and raise their own children to do the same. In either case, your options are quite limited. You can either 1) be involved, or 2) be ignored. Whichever option you desire will inspire your next move. I'm so sorry to hear about your bil. I agree. Unfollow their Facebook page and be there for them IRL. Volunteer to take the kids sometimes to give the parents a break and give the kids a bit of normal. Love them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
milovany Posted April 10, 2014 Share Posted April 10, 2014 I think it's more than a difference in how you interpret scripture. Only one of us can be right, or maybe we are both wrong! :)i Yes to all of the above. These thoughts/questions are what led us out of WOF and eventually protestantism. I'd see some beliefs that were diametrically opposed. We believed one way (after intense Bible study and spirit-filled prayer) and others would believe a completely opposite way about the exact same thing (after intense Bible study and spirit-filled prayer). We couldn't both be right! Finally, I realized we were both reading, praying and interpreting based on our own personal understanding and convictions. That's how it worked. I couldn't do that anymore. I do understand what your loved ones are saying. We've been there. It can be pretty rewarding when what you're believing for lines up with what actually happens (I had six unassisted home births when we were WOF, all with fantastic outcomes; we didn't speak any negativity -- "But what if something goes wrong?" wasn't allowed and in fact we un-invited someone to one of our births once when she asked me this question). On the other hand, it can be very, very confusing -- and exhausting -- when what you're believing so hard for doesn't happen. I just got weary of having to "work" God and to having faith in my faith. I wanted to let God be God and just believe. I got tired of figuring out what Scriptures meant, and didn't think that was what the Christian life was all about. Again, I wish the best for your brother and his family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AmyontheFarm Posted April 10, 2014 Share Posted April 10, 2014 Sorry, I had to stop reading when you posted about your dd and their response. Do you know that you can group people on facebook and only certain people see your posts. Perhaps it is time to take everyone who is helpful to encourage and pray for you and your daughter and put them in one group. Then when you post things about your dd, only post it to that group. I am a firm beliver that facebook is great. Unless you allow family, co-workers and close friends to join your page. LOL. I have all my homeschool "friends" in one group and a few church people in another group and my kids in the last group. Otherwise, no family = no family drama. I can still go to their pages and see what is happening and send them Private messages for Birthdays, etc. Or heaven forbid actually call them, so most dont notice that I unfriended them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LucyStoner Posted April 10, 2014 Share Posted April 10, 2014 All you can do is hold him in your heart and be there for his family as much as you can IRL. This is not the time, nor is FB the place, for a theology debate. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Haiku Posted April 10, 2014 Share Posted April 10, 2014 There's really nothing you can do about this situation but grit your teeth and bear it. You are not going to change their minds, and if you aren't willing to block them, then you just have to let it go. Honestly, it's not your job to argue with a sick man about his faith or to worry that their words will lead others astray. Everyone gets to decide for themselves what they believe, and people are free to choose to believe as your BIL does without you trying to dissuade them. I am friends with people who post a ton of religious content. I either block them or ignore it. I would never, ever comment unfavorably on their beliefs because I would never, ever want someone to do that to me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Haiku Posted April 10, 2014 Share Posted April 10, 2014 They were applying their beliefs about healing to my dd, even though they know we don't hold the same Gently ... and then you did the same to them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jennifer132 Posted April 10, 2014 Author Share Posted April 10, 2014 Gently ... and then you did the same to them. I appreciate the gently! :) I'm not so sure I did though. I asked a question. I didn't say he was wrong or I was right. I only asked a question, which he answered according to his views and the matter was dropped. I see the two differently, which I'm sure comes across self-centered and egocentric, lol! I just wanted to add that I had always thought if you posted your opinion about something on facebook (especially if you were quite vocal) you were inviting others to share in the conversation. Isn't that what comments are for? Or are they only for agreeing with others? I think I realized after this thread that given his situation maybe I should not have even asked a question, and I apologized and he accepted. So hopefully it's over. I went ahead and hid his and my sil posts so I can take some time to be away from it all! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nojo317 Posted April 10, 2014 Share Posted April 10, 2014 How strange that they want to be so vocal and public about their beliefs but at the same time are not up for anyone disagreeing with them or defending their beliefs. If it were me, besides praying there's always the option to "unfollow" them. You're still "friends" on FB and you can visit their FB home pages if you want, but their posts won't be in your feed anymore so you won't have to read them or be tempted to respond. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThisIsTheDay Posted April 10, 2014 Share Posted April 10, 2014 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: I'm sorry. I can't imagine how painful that would be for you to watch, knowing that they could find comfort and hope in the Truth but instead knowing that this lie will destroy them. I think that if this were my sil/bil, I would continue to post encouraging scripture that might be pertinent to them. I understand that you want to see his health updates and that this is now a primary way for them to communicate. Instead of hiding or unfollowing their posts, could you instead just hide each one when it comes through on your feed? You'd still have to read it, but you could immediately hide any that you don't want to continue to see on your feed and you will still get any updates immediately. Be there for this family. I pray that they need you sooner rather than later, but they will need you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spryte Posted April 10, 2014 Share Posted April 10, 2014 I'm sorry about your BIL. ALS is a terrible disease. I have lost some family friends to it. :( At this point, what you can best offer him is support and love. Do what you must (block feeds, ignore, etc) so that you an avoid engaging in any type of debate. Right now, his world is falling apart and he is clinging to the only way he knows how to make sense of it all. (I'm not saying I agree with him, at all, only that I wouldn't engage in debate or even discussions about his belief right now.) So, so sorry. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Incognito Posted April 10, 2014 Share Posted April 10, 2014 I appreciate the gently! :) I'm not so sure I did though. I asked a question. I didn't say he was wrong or I was right. I only asked a question, which he answered according to his views and the matter was dropped. I see the two differently, which I'm sure comes across self-centered and egocentric, lol! I just wanted to add that I had always thought if you posted your opinion about something on facebook (especially if you were quite vocal) you were inviting others to share in the conversation. Isn't that what comments are for? Or are they only for agreeing with others? I think I realized after this thread that given his situation maybe I should not have even asked a question, and I apologized and he accepted. So hopefully it's over. I went ahead and hid his and my sil posts so I can take some time to be away from it all! No, I don't think people post things on facebook to discuss them. Facebook is more of a "look at me" thing, not a "let's discuss" thing. IMO. I think they said what they did about your daughter because they are doing what they want people do to for them. They don't see it as against you - they see it as blessing you and your child. Personally, people who do things like that and talk like that always evoke deep feelings of pity from me. Some people are all about speaking their truth. Sounds like FB is where they do this. Good idea to take them out of your regular feed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
texasmama Posted April 10, 2014 Share Posted April 10, 2014 I'm very sorry. I've experienced this with my MIL. I was cut off if I talked about my toddler's developmental delays. I was scolded with "Her feet are fine!" when I discussed my soon to be born child with clubfoot. When I was devastated by my mother's stroke and disability, MIL sent a friend over "to minister to me", which consisted of being told that I must pray the right way and my mother would be healed. Well, she died. She did not receive healing in this life. This line of thinking is erroneous and offensive, but it is very difficult to change so I don't try. I no longer share any information with MIL (for this and many other reasons). I would temporarily hide these posts on FB. If something significant happens, you will be informed. Or ask dh or another friend or relative to keep you informed of BIL's condition. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kari C in SC Posted April 10, 2014 Share Posted April 10, 2014 I would suggest you not have their posts on your feed, but to check their walls occasionally so you still know what's going on. Seeing the content that bothers you all at once on your terms, when you're prepared to view it might be easier than having it show up on a regular basis on your feed throughout the day. I hope you find a way to stay connected without it frustrating you too much. :) This is exactly what I do with a few people. If I am in a mood that I can take the nonsense they write, I might pop on over to read their wall. Otherwise, they are on hide and not in my newsfeed. I found it makes my FB world a much happier place. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MercyA Posted April 10, 2014 Share Posted April 10, 2014 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: and prayers, Jennifer. I'm impressed with the graciousness you've shown in this thread. I'm so sorry about your brother-in-law's and daughter's illnesses. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Haiku Posted April 11, 2014 Share Posted April 11, 2014 I've had a lot of negative experiences with religion and illness. A friend of mine in grammar school went deaf because her parents wouldn't vaccinate/seek medical treatment when she became ill. A woman I know adopted a child who allegedly had the same chronic, incurable disease as my daughter, but when her child arrived, it was found the child didn't have it after all. This woman, however, took the opportunity to trumpet to everyone she knew that god had healed her child because of their prayers. And some people we met in the street who were making a movie for their church wanted to talk to us about why we are not Christian. They prayed for our child with the chronic, incurable disease and told us she would now be healed. They gave us their card and told us to call them when she was well. Occasionally I get the desire to call them up and say, "Nope, not healed yet. Your god is a little on the slow side." So I understand your frustration. But as a non-Christian in an overtly Christian country, I regularly encounter people who publicly proclaim beliefs that are very different from mine. I have to just let it go. In fact, as I have mentioned here at TWTM before, being a minority religion, a vegan, a homeschooler, and a transracial adoptive mom, my whole life is a study in letting it go. I know it can be tough. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
City Mouse Posted April 11, 2014 Share Posted April 11, 2014 I once worked with a teenage girl who was blind since birth. When she was in 7th or 8th grade, her parents took her to mexico to see some kind of faith/folk healer. Before the trip, the girl flat out asked me if I thought it would fix her. Trying to be sensitive to the situation but realistic, I told her that I did not think it would fix her vision, but that it is a parents job to do everything possible to help your children, and that if her parents do not try this they will feal like that did not try every possibility. I have known people with cancer go on religious pilgrimages hoping for a miracle after exhausting all medical treatments. I knew a family with two kids dying from a rare genetic condition that went into huge amount of debt to travel to the other side of the country for an experimental treatment that was only to delay the symptoms of the condition. While I know it must be devastating to you to watch what is going on, in reality, he has an illness that no amout of medical treatment will cure. I would guess that they are hanging on to that bit of faith, because they don't see another option. If they believe "good" enough maybe God will heal him. Their other choice is to "give up" and admit he has a terminal illness. While their way is not the way that I would choose, I can understand it on some level. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
speedmom4 Posted April 11, 2014 Share Posted April 11, 2014 In situations like the one you're facing I try to remember Mother Teresa's “People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered. Forgive them anyway. If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives. Be kind anyway. If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies. Succeed anyway. If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you. Be honest and sincere anyway. What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight. Create anyway. If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous. Be happy anyway. The good you do today, will often be forgotten. Do good anyway. Give the best you have, and it will never be enough. Give your best anyway. In the final analysis, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.†– Elise in NC Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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