PrairieSong Posted March 22, 2014 Share Posted March 22, 2014 (edited) . Edited March 1, 2016 by PrairieSong Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cinder Posted March 22, 2014 Share Posted March 22, 2014 Never heard of such a thing. I've been invited to a few bridal showers recently but no mother of the groom showers or anything else like it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lara in Colo Posted March 22, 2014 Share Posted March 22, 2014 It is really getting old-- people (and charities) constantly finding new ideas to hit people up for money. I have (obviously) become jaded, what with almost every profession asking for tips and every occasion needing a gift. Yet, somehow friendships are less close and service hasn't really improved. I guess if I were having an out of town wedding, then I would just assume that the loss of people/presents at my bridal shower would just something I would have to suck up and deal with. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrairieSong Posted March 22, 2014 Author Share Posted March 22, 2014 . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted March 22, 2014 Share Posted March 22, 2014 It doesn't sound good. It sounds like "Hooray, my son is finally moving out of my basement! But the sod won't back pay his rent, so I want you guys to chip in so I won't be out of pocket."So it's an out of state bridal shower, but the bride won't be there because she's out of state? So a bunch of people who might know her fiancé or her fiancé's mother should donate money to her, even though they might never meet her?This sounds awesome. I should get married one day. :coolgleamA: :confused1: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lara in Colo Posted March 22, 2014 Share Posted March 22, 2014 It doesn't sound good. It sounds like "Hooray, my son is finally moving out of my basement! But the sod won't back pay his rent, so I want you guys to chip in so I won't be out of pocket." So it's an out of state bridal shower, but the bride won't be there because she's out of state? So a bunch of people who might know her fiancé or her fiancé's mother should donate money to her, even though they might never meet her? This sounds awesome. I should get married one day. :coolgleamA: :confused1: ahhh Rosie--nobody says it quite like you do--- I so wish we could have coffee face to face someday. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrairieSong Posted March 22, 2014 Author Share Posted March 22, 2014 . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kroe1 Posted March 22, 2014 Share Posted March 22, 2014 Very tacky to put gift requests and registries on an invitation, no matter what the stupid name of the event. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Unicorn. Posted March 22, 2014 Share Posted March 22, 2014 Rosie, you are hilarious!!! Maybe we should have a shower for you. Oh and BTW, son is not living in the basement. He has been living in a faraway state near his fiance for years. Yeah, it's odd idea for a party. Maybe people should stop having showers and just send out donation envelopes like charities do. Well, I thought maybe it was a shower for the groom... but I guess not. Wow. I think I would just decline. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrairieSong Posted March 22, 2014 Author Share Posted March 22, 2014 . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted March 22, 2014 Share Posted March 22, 2014 Maybe we should have a shower for you. Oh and BTW, son is not living in the basement. He has been living in a faraway state near his fiance for years. So most of the people invited wouldn't know him from a bar of soap either? That's fabulous! :rofl: Yeah. Go ahead and throw me a shower. I haven't met him yet, but why not break down *all* the barriers? Matrimonial revolution! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted March 22, 2014 Share Posted March 22, 2014 You're not going to send any money, are you? I don't think I'd even bother to respond to such a ridiculous invitation. It's not always easy to be both immensely tacky, incredibly stupid, and terribly money-grubbing, but this silly "shower" manages to do all three. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted March 22, 2014 Share Posted March 22, 2014 Huh? Don't go. Don't support this behavior. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alice Posted March 22, 2014 Share Posted March 22, 2014 I haven't seen mother of the groom but if might be that the mother of the groom's friends want to do this and not the couple. When I was pregnant with my oldest my Mom's friends at church threw her a "grandma shower". They wanted to celebrate with her because they were happy. They ended up giving her gifts that were really for the baby and therefore benefited me directly. I didn't have anything to do with planning it (nor did my Mom) but I could see how someone who had been invited to it might interpret it as a way for me to grab more gifts. If the bride is from a faraway state, it may be that the mother of the groom isn't able to participate in some of the pre-wedding parties and certainly her good friends aren't able. It's not really about her but for some people wedding showers and things are really fun. At a recent bridal shower I went to many of the guests were friends of the grooms family who were just meeting the bride that day. The mother of the groom was there and it was clearly partly a chance for them all to just celebrate with her. Maybe they just wanted to find a way to do that. As for the Lowe's gift card request, I think regardless of etiquette, registries have gotten so common that it's just normal now to include this kind of suggestion. Perhaps the groom's mother wants to make it clear that she doesn't want expect people to bring gifts for HER so they were trying to figure out an alternative that people could bring if they wanted to give a gift. I personally would have left that off the invitation but it's very possible that it's from her friends and not her and certainly not the groom and bride. Unless I knew them and they were a bridezilla and grooomzilla kind of couple, I'd give the bride and groom and even mother of the groom the benefit of the doubt. Even the friends of the mother of the groom (whew, that's a mouthful) who may just be trying to do something nice but doing it in a way that is slightly tacky. ETA: If it was me and I didn't know them well, I probably wouldn't go because I'm not one of those people who finds wedding showers fun. At all. But I would try not to assign malicious intentions to them either. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MIch elle Posted March 22, 2014 Share Posted March 22, 2014 My mil had a bridal shower for me in my dh's home state which was far from the state we got married in. It was at mil home; it was a lonely simple shower with most of the people I've never met (dh's relatives). I was happy she did that for us. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrairieSong Posted March 22, 2014 Author Share Posted March 22, 2014 . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrairieSong Posted March 22, 2014 Author Share Posted March 22, 2014 . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrairieSong Posted March 22, 2014 Author Share Posted March 22, 2014 Apparently this is very uncommon. At least Google tells me so. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momacacia Posted March 22, 2014 Share Posted March 22, 2014 The mother/parents of the groom should hold a reception in their city after the wedding and hope people bring gifts. That is about the only potentially classy way to garner gifts from people in this situation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted March 22, 2014 Share Posted March 22, 2014 never heard of such a thing. I'd like to know whose idea it was, and who is hosting. if it was the groom's friends, i'd give it a pass on the basis of they are young (still, I think asking for money is tacky). if it is his mother, . . . he may want to live in the other state with his fiance. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cinder Posted March 22, 2014 Share Posted March 22, 2014 Apparently this is very uncommon. At least Google tells me so. However, I did find this charming thread with some nice gift ideas. :-D http://devforum.redhatsociety.com/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=4456 Sounds like that woman had a fun party. But not anything like what you described in your OP. Alice's point about extended family wanting to be part of the celebration is interesting. I'm trying to keep an open mind but my first impression was of money grubbing and I'm having a hard time letting that go. :p Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrairieSong Posted March 22, 2014 Author Share Posted March 22, 2014 . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrairieSong Posted March 22, 2014 Author Share Posted March 22, 2014 . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted March 22, 2014 Share Posted March 22, 2014 Two of the groom's mother's friends are hosting. I'm not sure whose idea it was but I'm assuming just the groom's mother's friends are invited, not friends of the couple. which group do you fall into? which state do you live in? is the groom going to be in attendance? in my experience, if the couple hail from two different states, they will have the reception where the wedding is, and another gathering/open house (after the wedding) in the other state so that friends/family there can share in the festivities. asking specifically for money for a gift card to a specific store makes me think money grubbing. I'd find it just as objectionable if things were reversed for the bride. the only time i've seen anything remotely like this I didn't have a problem with - was when no one knew the bride, and a bridal shower in the groom's hometown was just an excuse for others to meet her because she was there. (and there were no impressions of money grubbing. but then, in this case I don't know hte mother of the groom or her friends.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alice Posted March 22, 2014 Share Posted March 22, 2014 I see it possibly happening like this... Betty: MOG, Sally and I have a crazy fun idea. We want to throw you a MOG shower. I saw it on those Internets (in a magazine, on such and such TV show, whatever) and it will be a hoot. MOG: Oh, I don't know. I don't need a shower. Sally: Come on! It will be fun and we won't get to come to the wedding. We all new little Joe growing up and this will be fun. MOG: Ok. But I don't want people to feel like they have to bring gifts. Won't they feel like they have to bring gifts if it's a shower? Betty: Oh, but people will want to give you a gift. They like to. MOG: No, that would make me feel weird. Sally: What if they give a gift to Joe? MOG: Well, I suppose that would be ok. Betty: We'll just put something about contributing to a gift card if they want to. It will be make it easier if they have a suggestion. I'm helping to host a baby shower at church for a family that people don't know well. We wanted to do it more as a "welcome to the church family" than really for the gifts. However, several of the other women helping was very insistent that people WANT to bring gifts and it HELPS them if you give them suggestions. I've run into this attitude a lot. Maybe it's tacky, maybe it's poor etiquette. But I know the people who think this and they aren't ill-intentioned. In this case the two women strongly insisting this viewpoint benefit not at all if they couple gets gifts and the couple are not asking for them. Or on the other hand it could all be a scheme on the part of the groom to get something since his bridezilla wouldn't let him choose anything on the registry. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J-rap Posted March 22, 2014 Share Posted March 22, 2014 I've heard of couples' showers now but the one you bring up sounds really tacky! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrairieSong Posted March 22, 2014 Author Share Posted March 22, 2014 . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrairieSong Posted March 22, 2014 Author Share Posted March 22, 2014 . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrairieSong Posted March 22, 2014 Author Share Posted March 22, 2014 I've heard of couples' showers now but the one you bring up sounds really tacky! Yes, more and more people do couple showers now. We attended a fun one a few years ago at a lake house. It was a hot summer day, and there was swimming/floating in inner tubes for anyone who wanted to do that. Then they had lunch, cake, and presents. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammyla Posted March 22, 2014 Share Posted March 22, 2014 It sounds like a poorly thought out plea for money esp. since neither the groom nor the bride will be there. I would be a little embarrassed to tell the truth. Now forgive me, but I might just bring some granny-gift for the mother of the groom. Today I got an invitation that confused me. It's a party invitation and the line that says what the occasion is...says mother of the groom...? On the left hand side it says..John (the son) is getting married. Money toward a Lowe's gift card would be appreciated.The bride is from a faraway state which I presume is where the wedding will be. So...they're having a shower so the mother of the groom can collect money for them I guess. My wording of that sounds awful but this just has me scratching my head.Has anyone heard of anything like this?? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QueenCat Posted March 22, 2014 Share Posted March 22, 2014 My mil had a bridal shower for me in my dh's home state which was far from the state we got married in. It was at mil home; it was a lonely simple shower with most of the people I've never met (dh's relatives). I was happy she did that for us. That is fine but it sounds like, from the OP, that the bride will NOT be there, that this is for the groom's mother. I've seen brides come to the groom's home town for a shower among the groom's family and friends. Perfectly fine. What the OP is suggesting is just weird. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted March 22, 2014 Share Posted March 22, 2014 Whoever thought this up is out of their gourd. A wedding is not entitlement to a certain threshold of gifts. If her friends threw an engagement or a mother-in-law party to celebrate with John's mom that would be different. Obnoxious. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eagle Posted March 23, 2014 Share Posted March 23, 2014 If you aren't one of the couple getting married then you shouldn't be the guest of honour at a wedding shower. The whole thing sounds tacky. If I were the bride I would probably be mad. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liz CA Posted March 23, 2014 Share Posted March 23, 2014 Oh, I'd be so tempted to go and say I have made a sizable donation to a worthwhile charity in your dear son's and fiance's name. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
North Coast School Posted March 23, 2014 Share Posted March 23, 2014 I am sorry, but if the mother-in-law is feeling left out of the far-away activities...she needs to get over herself. Se should be happy for her son and his new wife-to-be and not worry about how SHE is being honored in the festivities. If your friend is down and missing her kid, take her out to lunch for goodness sake. Go have a glass of wine and laugh with the girls. Don't throw her a wedding shower when she is not getting married!!! People have taken this whole wedding thing waaaaaaaaaay out of bounds. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elizabeth in MN Posted March 23, 2014 Share Posted March 23, 2014 Apparently this is very uncommon. At least Google tells me so. However, I did find this charming thread with some nice gift ideas. :-D http://devforum.redhatsociety.com/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=4456 I liked the Red Hat Society thread, made the idea seem more fun than money-grubbing. The duct tape and rose colored glasses were a hoot : D When I was pregnant a church my mom worked at threw her a "grandma shower". Mostly she was given photo frames to put pictures of Anna in. I think only people who were grandparents came? Mom got advice and sympathy (I was in rare form with those hormones). to this day we look at the pictures and the frames with a smile on our faces. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrairieSong Posted March 23, 2014 Author Share Posted March 23, 2014 . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted March 23, 2014 Share Posted March 23, 2014 It is confusing. I guess it is sort of like throwing a shower for a bride who cannot be present. I suppose that is never done. But I guess this means the actual shower that the bride does attend will only have half of the usual attendance/gifts. Bummer. And let's be honest - a shower is a gift grab, regardless of how correctly the invitations are worded. Couldn't they make up for the low-attendance bridal shower by inviting everyone to the wedding? Most of the faraway folks wouldn't come, but those close tot he groom would probably send a cash gift. But yeah, I'd probably skip the mother-of-groom party, but my response to the wedding invitation would reflect what I would have given at the shower, had I attended. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katilac Posted March 23, 2014 Share Posted March 23, 2014 My mil had a bridal shower for me in my dh's home state which was far from the state we got married in. It was at mil home; it was a lonely simple shower with most of the people I've never met (dh's relatives). I was happy she did that for us. Were you present at the shower? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MIch elle Posted March 23, 2014 Share Posted March 23, 2014 Were you present at the shower? Yes. I think mother of the groom party would be fun, but I would assume NO PRESENTS (why would the groom's mother need presents). Since your invitation included a gift request - I think it's odd & tacky. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carrie12345 Posted March 23, 2014 Share Posted March 23, 2014 It is odd. My sister got married out of state, but we "made" the couple come up here for an engagement party with the northern family. I went down there to help throw her a shower with the southern people. Maybe it's not as creative to include a long drive or plane ride for a party, but it makes a lot more sense than making up a guest of honor! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carol in Cal. Posted March 23, 2014 Share Posted March 23, 2014 Asking for money is beyond tacky. It is rude on two levels--the 'don't mention presents' level and the 'money-grubbing' level. If the MOG wants to be involved, the thing to do is to host an engagement party for her son and his fiancé. She can then invite all their local friends to this. Anyone who wants to can bring a shower-type present--my guess is that many would do so--but that would not be the crucial part of the party, unlike at a shower. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kitten18 Posted March 23, 2014 Share Posted March 23, 2014 If you aren't one of the couple getting married then you shouldn't be the guest of honour at a wedding shower. The whole thing sounds tacky. If I were the bride I would probably be mad.^^^ Exactly Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammyla Posted March 23, 2014 Share Posted March 23, 2014 If you aren't one of the couple getting married then you shouldn't be the guest of honour at a wedding shower. The whole thing sounds tacky. If I were the bride I would probably be mad. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted March 23, 2014 Share Posted March 23, 2014 And let's be honest - a shower is a gift grab, regardless of how correctly the invitations are worded. Couldn't they make up for the low-attendance bridal shower by inviting everyone to the wedding? Most of the faraway folks wouldn't come, but those close tot he groom would probably send a cash gift. So invite a bunch of people to the wedding they don't know well and that won't likely come so they will get more gifts? Hmmm ... not wild about that either. I agree showers are gift grabs, but they should be intimate events thrown by someone who knows the couple in question well, and those invited should know the bride or the groom well IMO. I just don't get the thought that people think they are somehow owed a certain number of gifts. People that love the couple or even the MIL will send a gift anyway without a tacky invitation. I never had a baby shower. I think I ended up with 35 gifts for my first baby (and registered after being encouraged to do so). Baby #2 got over 50 gifts (we had more friends with young kids then). It was pretty nuts. If you're going to invite someone to a wedding, that's fine. If you want to have a fun party to celebrate an event of any kind, that's also great. Soliciting for money/gifts is obnoxious. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
indigomama Posted March 23, 2014 Share Posted March 23, 2014 Maybe, the Lowe's gift cards are for the MOG. Perhaps, with her son getting married and moving out of the house, she can finally convert his old room into a craft room and she needs to get some supplies at Lowes :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrairieSong Posted March 23, 2014 Author Share Posted March 23, 2014 . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrairieSong Posted March 23, 2014 Author Share Posted March 23, 2014 . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrairieSong Posted March 23, 2014 Author Share Posted March 23, 2014 I've been thinking more about this, and about all your comments. I think the reason this bothers me is this...a shower or engagement party isn't just about gifts. Well, a shower is more gift-oriented, but still the events are a chance to celebrate with the bride or the couple. In this case, the couple won't be there at all but why let that be a deterrent to getting gifts for them? The celebration aspect is pretty much stripped down to...just bring money and we'll make sure they get it. I'm certain this is not the mindset of those involved, but it's how I see it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AndyJoy Posted March 24, 2014 Share Posted March 24, 2014 I haven't read all the replies, but I wanted to tell you about a seemingly odd shower connected with my wedding. Some ladies from my hometown (where I was going to be married in June) decided to throw me a Pampered Chef shower in April while I was still away at college! They didn't really ask my permission-they just did it! I thought it was odd but apparently it was a big hit with all the ladies from church. They loved me, wanted to get me cool kitchen stuff, and just were looking for an excuse to get together, I think! Our town was not oversaturated with PC parties yet and the hostesses were not the high-pressure sales types. My mom felt awkward about it but attended--she was not involved in it at all. It was a really sweet gesture and I love using my round stone, rectangular stone, casserole dish, loaf pan, mini loaf pan, pastry blender, pizza cutter, spatula, and knives 11 years later! ETA: I also had a shower at college thrown by my dorm friends. Then my sister hosted a shower in my hometown where I got married. We knew having a relative host is "not done" by some but my sister was my maid of honor and the others were coming in from out of state so she was the logical hostess. It wasn't considered rude in our circle of friends. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.