itsmylife Posted February 25, 2014 Share Posted February 25, 2014 Preface - DD is 7 1/2 years and an only child. She is in second grade at a private school which we like. We like her present teacher who we feel stays on top of things. DD loves to read - I would say she is addicted to reading. I send me upstairs to change clothes, she will ready for 10 minutes and spend two minutes changing her clothes. She has a lot of toys (thats she chose) but prefers reading above all activities. We have been constantly hearing from her teachers that she does give her work her best shot - that she is capable of much more work than she is doing. The class has multiple book clubs going on and DD's group is reading the Amber Brown series. According to her teacher, DD is a surface reader and her comments on the chapters that she is reading are "retellings" and "predictions". She does not have any insightful comments. What insightful comments would a seven and half year old have?? The other kids in her group are doing better than DD according to the teacher. I read the book and I feel DD does not have the maturity to grasp what the main character is going through (parents divorce, friend moves away, mother seeing someone new, father and mother bitter about each other..). I mentioned it to the teacher in an email and the teacher's response was that they have talked in class multiple times about Amber's feeling. Can a child write about feelings that she can't get??? Help me out here, please. In math, DD does great on the numeric portions but initially was totally lost on the logic portion of the tests. The teacher allows the students to read books quietly if they finished their work earlier than the others and I believe that DD gave it a few minutes and then moved on to reading a book. She is called back and asked to work on the test but DD does not show any interest - she'd rather read. After the last episode, I told DD that she can no longer read in class unless specifically told to by the teacher. DD will not follow directions at times - according to the teacher, she wants to do her own thing if she does not feel like doing what the teacher wants the class to do. I don't see this at home - DD might take her time getting things done but there is no willful disobedience on her part. DD is very chatty in class - can't stop talking. She will be well behaved and all of a sudden one day do something that she shouldn't do. Two weeks ago she painted her palm and made impressions on the paper table cover in Art class. This was termed as "inappropriate usage of art materials" in her report card. When I asked her why she did it, her answer was that she just did it. The teacher allows the students to borrow as many books as they want from the class library. DD was bringing in about four to five books a day and she stayed up late reading them. Starting last week, we implemented a rule that she can bring only two - one non-fiction and one fiction. And since she has to read the Amber Brown for book club, that counts towards the fiction. Yesterday, DD did not bring Amber Brown and instead picked up another book that she was "desperate" to read. This was the first time that she has done something this wilful - she says that she knew that she was supposed to bring the Amber Brown book but she decided against it - knowing that I would not be too pleased. And she left her folder (with the latest test results) at school on purpose because she doesn't want me to see it. Is this normal behaviour for a seven year old??? Or is there something else going on??? I don't hear anything good about her from her teachers - I see a lot of good things in her but seems like the teacher's are missing it. Your thoughts on this please! TIA! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snickerdoodle Posted February 25, 2014 Share Posted February 25, 2014 DD loves to read. I told DD that she can no longer read in class unless specifically told to by the teacher. It's hard to be a parent. Sometimes we assume that something must be wrong with the child and forget to consider whether there is something wrong with the environment. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Freckles Posted February 25, 2014 Share Posted February 25, 2014 She sounds like a lovely seven year old. I would be very upset if my second grader was being made to read a book with such mature themes in it. It sounds like the classroom isn't age appropriate. Little kids aren't robots. How many of us in elementary school let glue dry all over our hands just so we could peel it off like "snake skin." My point is your child sounds completely normal. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MFG Posted February 25, 2014 Share Posted February 25, 2014 Sounds like a typical 7 year old. Teacher sounds like she is wound too tight. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DianeW88 Posted February 25, 2014 Share Posted February 25, 2014 It doesn't sound like school is serving her needs. Can you homeschool her? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Halcyon Posted February 25, 2014 Share Posted February 25, 2014 "inappropriate use of art materials" :lol: Isn't that the whole point of art??? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Halcyon Posted February 25, 2014 Share Posted February 25, 2014 sorry. i realize that wasn't constructive. can you homeschool her? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted February 25, 2014 Share Posted February 25, 2014 It sounds exactly like a very clever, creative child who is being stifled by her learning environment, and who needs to be out of there before it's too late. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted February 25, 2014 Share Posted February 25, 2014 Uggh. (Mini-vent follows) Just want to say, if you leave her in school, don't be surprised if she continues to be assigned books with themes such as Amber Brown. It's one of the reasons we homeschooled. Not saying a kiddo shouldn't read books like that, just that it would be nice if they either waited a bit or chose something written better. Perhaps it's a sign you might want to pay attention to--you came to a homeschoolers' board (primarily homeschoolers, that is). Was that intentional? Could you be thinking of changing her environment, at least subconsciously? Lots of help here, if you want to explore the idea. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted February 25, 2014 Share Posted February 25, 2014 Why do you like this school so much? I'm not being snarky - I'm just not seeing a lot to love from the perspective of your child and her learning. I'm not anti-school but the teacher is not able to give your child the individual attention that she sounds like she so desperately needs. Is the teacher "on top of things" because she has a long list of things that she doesn't like? This child sounds bored - she doesn't sound like she's being taught at her level. I don't know if her level is higher than the class (gifted kids can give up and stop trying too) or if it is developmentally lower than the class (another reason kids give up). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kim in Appalachia Posted February 25, 2014 Share Posted February 25, 2014 We have been constantly hearing from her teachers that she does give her work her best shot - that she is capable of much more work than she is doing. The class has multiple book clubs going on and DD's group is reading the Amber Brown series. According to her teacher, DD is a surface reader and her comments on the chapters that she is reading are "retellings" and "predictions". She does not have any insightful comments. What insightful comments would a seven and half year old have?? The other kids in her group are doing better than DD according to the teacher. I read the book and I feel DD does not have the maturity to grasp what the main character is going through (parents divorce, friend moves away, mother seeing someone new, father and mother bitter about each other..). I mentioned it to the teacher in an email and the teacher's response was that they have talked in class multiple times about Amber's feeling. Can a child write about feelings that she can't get??? Help me out here, please. I know at that age, my children would not be able to grasp, "feelings", even if I told them what to say first (which is what it sounds like the teacher is doing). Personally, trying to get a 7 year old to go beyond retelling or predictions seems strange, but that is what the teacher's curriculum is calling for, I would assume. In math, DD does great on the numeric portions but initially was totally lost on the logic portion of the tests. The teacher allows the students to read books quietly if they finished their work earlier than the others and I believe that DD gave it a few minutes and then moved on to reading a book. She is called back and asked to work on the test but DD does not show any interest - she'd rather read. After the last episode, I told DD that she can no longer read in class unless specifically told to by the teacher. I did this all the time in class, but it's not a good idea. If I was told I could read when I was done, then I rushed so that I could read. I would not let your dd read in class. DD will not follow directions at times - according to the teacher, she wants to do her own thing if she does not feel like doing what the teacher wants the class to do. I don't see this at home - DD might take her time getting things done but there is no willful disobedience on her part. DD is very chatty in class - can't stop talking. She will be well behaved and all of a sudden one day do something that she shouldn't do. Two weeks ago she painted her palm and made impressions on the paper table cover in Art class. This was termed as "inappropriate usage of art materials" in her report card. When I asked her why she did it, her answer was that she just did it. If your child is in a classroom, then she is going to have to learn to follow directions and listen, not talk or do whatever she wants. The teacher allows the students to borrow as many books as they want from the class library. DD was bringing in about four to five books a day and she stayed up late reading them. Starting last week, we implemented a rule that she can bring only two - one non-fiction and one fiction. And since she has to read the Amber Brown for book club, that counts towards the fiction. Yesterday, DD did not bring Amber Brown and instead picked up another book that she was "desperate" to read. This was the first time that she has done something this wilful - she says that she knew that she was supposed to bring the Amber Brown book but she decided against it - knowing that I would not be too pleased. And she left her folder (with the latest test results) at school on purpose because she doesn't want me to see it. You should make sure your dd follows the teachers directions. Take her to the library to get her own books. Is this normal behaviour for a seven year old??? Or is there something else going on??? I don't hear anything good about her from her teachers - I see a lot of good things in her but seems like the teacher's are missing it. This is normal behavior and the teacher is trying to help and teach your dd. Your thoughts on this please! TIA! A few more thoughts. Yes, your dd is normal, but you are sending her to school, a school you say you like. So your dd has to learn how to function in that enviroment. She needs to learn to listen and follow directions. She should bring the Amber books home, so she can read them to you, and you can ask her about "feeling" or what they are going through. You should be helping her learn this skill that the school is expecting her to learn. I do think it's silly for a child that age to do that, but I'm homeschooling. I have all sorts of opinions how to school my dc, but they don't always line up with the school systems. I think you shouldn't worry about you dd. Encourage her to do her work well, to pay attention in class, and to follow directions. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
idnib Posted February 25, 2014 Share Posted February 25, 2014 It sounds like the teacher/school is too controlling and like anyone who has a healthy sense of self, she is trying to re-assert herself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
myfunnybunch Posted February 25, 2014 Share Posted February 25, 2014 Yesterday, DD did not bring Amber Brown and instead picked up another book that she was "desperate" to read. I can't be the only one who can TOTALLY relate to this, can I? :leaving: (Not saying it's okay for her to do something she knows she's not supposed to....but I've got a book club book on my nightstand that I'm not reading because I was desperate to read my great find from the library Lucky Day shelf!) And I totally agree with Ellie. It might be normal behavior. Or there might be some slight attention and impulse control issues. (I can't tell from your post.) She does need to learn to follow the rules in school: No talking in class, read the assigned readings, complete the required work. Perhaps extra reading of her choice can be a reward for following the rules. Or you could homeschool her and tailor the environment to suit her needs. Cat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Unicorn. Posted February 25, 2014 Share Posted February 25, 2014 I can't be the only one who can TOTALLY relate to this, can I? :leaving: (Not saying it's okay for her to do something she knows she's not supposed to....but I've got a book club book on my nightstand that I'm not reading because I was desperate to read my great find from the library Lucky Day shelf!) And I totally agree with Ellie. It might be normal behavior. Or there might be some slight attention and impulse control issues. (I can't tell from your post.) She does need to learn to follow the rules in school: No talking in class, read the assigned readings, complete the required work. Perhaps extra reading of her choice can be a reward for following the rules. Or you could homeschool her and tailor the environment to suit her needs. Cat I agree with Cat and others. If you're going to leave her in school, she has to learn to follow the rules. I do think she might have some attention issues, but she could just be a typical 7 year old, and she may be very bored in that environment. I also want to gently point out, that you set her up for willfulness, by telling her she can only bring home on fiction, and one nonfiction book, and that her fiction book MUST be the Amber Brown book for book club. She needs balance. Book club book is a required reading, and she needs to be allowed to read for fun on a daily basis as well. I would make it 3 books, and then allow her an hour or more of free reading before bed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MicheleinMN Posted February 25, 2014 Share Posted February 25, 2014 She sounds like she will be probably be labeled ADD if she continues in a regular school setting. :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsmylife Posted February 25, 2014 Author Share Posted February 25, 2014 She sounds like she will be probably be labeled ADD if she continues in a regular school setting. :( This is what I am afraid of. I will deal with ADD is that is what the real issue is but I don't want her being labelled as ADD just because she is not behaving up to someone else's expectations. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsmylife Posted February 25, 2014 Author Share Posted February 25, 2014 sorry. i realize that wasn't constructive. can you homeschool her? I wish I could homeschool but I can't. Various reasons. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsmylife Posted February 25, 2014 Author Share Posted February 25, 2014 I agree with Cat and others. If you're going to leave her in school, she has to learn to follow the rules. I do think she might have some attention issues, but she could just be a typical 7 year old, and she may be very bored in that environment. I also want to gently point out, that you set her up for willfulness, by telling her she can only bring home on fiction, and one nonfiction book, and that her fiction book MUST be the Amber Brown book for book club. She needs balance. Book club book is a required reading, and she needs to be allowed to read for fun on a daily basis as well. I would make it 3 books, and then allow her an hour or more of free reading before bed. I should have mentioned this before - DD has probably close to 250+ books at home. She is never without books to read. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joyofsixreboot Posted February 25, 2014 Share Posted February 25, 2014 I was your dd. I, luckily, went to school long, long ago before testing and had teachers who knew the wide range of kid behavior. I still will drop most things to read. She's totally normal but expectations are no longer developmentally appropriate. You'll have to spend time explaining and re-explaining why reading may have to wait and going through the books " modeling" the answers they want. My guess is that will only be partially effective, leopards can wear camouflage but they don't change their spots. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted February 25, 2014 Share Posted February 25, 2014 I wish I could homeschool but I can't. Various reasons. Then perhaps there's a way that you could be your dd's advocate instead of the teacher's. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alte Veste Academy Posted February 25, 2014 Share Posted February 25, 2014 I've never heard of Amber Brown, so I looked up the book. Fourth grade is off to a shaky start for Amber Brown, so she asks her teacher for extra-credit work. The girl learns that since she has not handed in her original assignments, she doesn't qualify. She realizes she needs to work hard on her upcoming projects so her mother won't find out about her poor performance. Paralleling this school situation is the fact that Amber is coping with her parents' divorce. She engages in all sorts of antics to emphasize her displeasure with her mother's new companion, and learns that her father (living in France) has also met someone. By the end of the story, Amber realizes that life holds change, as well as the potential for happiness. With her feisty, resilient personality, she is ready for it. Line drawings decorate the narrative. Readers will laugh out loud at the child's energetic capers and feel the sense of loss she expresses. Whatever the emotion, Danziger warrants "extra credit" for her latest addition to Amber Brown's escapades.?Cheryl Cufari, N. A. Walbran Elementary School, Oriskany, NY For a 7.5 year old? Ick. Two of my kids would have been emotionally upset reading about divorce and parents moving on and meeting other people at 7.5. Is it a fact of life? Sure. But being expected to read about it and "feel the sense of loss she expresses" at 7.5? Blech. Anyway, I don't blame your DD for not wanting to read that. Maybe she's too young to get it. Maybe she doesn't want to get it. Maybe it makes her uncomfortable on a personal happiness/security level and so she avoids it. Maybe without even getting why. Because she is 7. ETA: And in reading the reviews, I found out that they were doing the "I must, I must, I must increase my bust" chant at a sleepover. Oh my word! Hardly something I would want to be reading about as a 7 year old in a mixed-gender classroom/reading group. Perhaps your DD is just exhibiting good taste... I LOL'ed at the inappropriate use of art materials. All three of my kids would (and have) done something like that. The idea of something so silly and, dare I say, NORMAL, being noted on a report card is kind of shocking to me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MomatHWTK Posted February 25, 2014 Share Posted February 25, 2014 If she's going to stay in school, you are going to have to teach her to fake it to make it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
myfunnybunch Posted February 25, 2014 Share Posted February 25, 2014 I don't want her being labelled as ADD just because she is not behaving up to someone else's expectations. Very very gently.....part of a diagnosis of ADD is not being able to control impulses and attention so that one can behave according to reasonable expectations, to the extent that it has a significant impact on daily life. It could be that the school environment and the teachers are not a good match for this intelligent creative child, and their expectations for behavior are not reasonable, meaning the expectations do not accommodate a normal range of 7 y.o. behaviors. It could be that your child is not able to abide by reasonable expectations the teachers have for 7 y.o. students. In this case, not being able to behave up to the teacher's expectations could indicate some problems that might warrant further investigation. I would be more concerned about the can't stop talking, the well-behaved until one day she suddenly does something she shouldn't and can't say why, and wanting to do her own thing if she doesn't feel like doing what the teacher wants her to do than I would be about the reading. The behaviors you're describing are behaviors that can be normal or not, depending on the degree. If you're hearing frequently about the negative behaviors, you might want to dig a little deeper and get a sense for whether this is about the teacher having very specific expectations for her classroom, or whether your dd is really struggling to meet age-appropriate expectations. Let me be very clear: I'm NOT saying your dd has or even might have ADD. I have no clue whether or not the teacher's expectations are reasonable and accommodate the range of normal 7 y.o. behavior, so I'm not jumping onto one side of the fence or the other. Just pointing out, on the off chance that ADD might be an issue, that not meeting others' expectations can be a part of that issue. Cat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted February 25, 2014 Share Posted February 25, 2014 Very very gently.....part of a diagnosis of ADD is not being able to control impulses and attention so that one can behave according to reasonable expectations, to the extent that it has a significant impact on daily life. True, but that inability to control impulses and attention so that one can behave according to reasonable expectations should show up at home in the evenings, weekends, vacations. . . as well, not just in a school setting. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lewber Posted February 25, 2014 Share Posted February 25, 2014 My son is in a school setting as well, and sometimes it's really hard. There's a lot I would do differently if it were just me and him, but in our case we have made the decision to leave him there and are happy with it. Unfortunately it's just the nature that we give up some control when we do that. There will be years and teachers that are harder for your daughter than others. She does sound very normal, and her teacher does sound very uptight. I'd ask her for some great things my child does so that the teacher can see her through friendlier eyes, and try to work together to make her experience the best it can be. Usually :laugh: teachers want the best for their students and will work with the parents to make that happen. I know kids in school with my son whose report card would be a book if they noted things like inappropriate use of art materials! Sometimes it is very hard for kids to be quiet and participate in class. But, for the most part that is what your daughter needs to do while she is there. Support your daughter. Try to find out why she isn't doing the work. Is it too hard, or too easy, is she not trying so she can read? Does she have homework? Is she able to concentrate enough to finish that? Work with her to understand the rules of the classroom. If there is another book group I'd ask to switch if the book bothers you. Parents still have some say in what happens with our kids when they are in school. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OhanaBee Posted February 25, 2014 Share Posted February 25, 2014 Your daughter sounds exactly like me at that age. And that teacher sounds like my evil 5th grade teacher who seemed to make it her mission in life to wean me off my "reading obsession" [her words to my mom]. I would whip through all other assignments and then read the book in my lap. Mrs. Randolph took it personally that I would read the actual Reading Assignment [out of the extremely boring "Tell Me How The Sun Rose" 5th grade reader] in no time at all, and then sneak-read something like "Gone With the Wind". She called my mom to alert her to the fact that I was reading on the playground instead of playing. I wanted to find out how the book ended! Mom told her to leave me alone during recess....and then told me that I had better not do any more sneak-reading in the classroom. The best thing you can do, imho, is to help your dd understand that there are behaviours for school, and following the teacher's directions is non-negotiable. Then provide down-time for her at home where she can just read whatever she wants to read. I'm not sure how in the world a 7yo is supposed to grasp the insights in a book. My guess is that the other kids in the class are parroting back whatever their teacher has said, and your dd refuses to do that [and good for her!]. Her teacher sounds really uptight. Is she new to teaching? Or new to this age group? Because painting your hand and then "decorating" the paper table cover sounds pretty darn average for the elementary school age. The other thing, which I debated about suggesting, but after rethinking my time with Mrs. Randolph decided it couldn't hurt to mention - this teacher may have just decided your dd is a Troublemaker and is looking for negative things about her. Hopefully that's *not* the case, but it's a possibility. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bolt. Posted February 25, 2014 Share Posted February 25, 2014 All of her behaviour is age-appropriate. Her environment sounds highly structured at school, and it sounds like you lean towards using structure as a primary tool on your parenting too. This set-up is what is making things like "would rather read another book" and "talks first and thinks about her context second" seem like major infractions. As kids gain more freedom (less supervision) a parent has to transition from the "abide by limits" model towards a "develop good judgement" model... Which means learning through mistakes is one of your primary teaching tools, and the "mistakes" themselves are not badness: just misjudgements that facilitate learning better judgement. To avoid setting her up for impulsive disregard for your instructions (and probably also sneakiness)I think giving "recommendations" rather than instructions is a good plan in many cases. This allows space for her to be impulsive, make mistakes, get consequences etc -- without feeling actual "badness" around ideas like disobedience, defiance, guilt, labelling etc. In situations where reccomedatip s don't fit, another tool is an if-then or a when-then: Example: "If you bring home more books than I think is proper, I will take some if them away for the evening." I don't mean having no rules and giving no instructions is a good idea. Rules, instructions and structure are very important. And they absolutely should be firm as stone. That's why they have a place in situations that are very important: and they should almost always be accompanied by supervision and assistance. She is still young enough to need help controlling her own impulse -- often supervision is that "help" that enables her to grow stronger in self-control. Giving her a hard instruction without also giving her supervision to help her... It's too soon. At her age she should be able to follow unsupervised limits of easy-to-medium intensity, but, not yet around books. By the way, you should be proud to have raised a reader. It's OK if some other members if her class are more advanced at drawing out the emotional content if a book, or if some areas of math will come to her later. You don't need to raise her at the top of her class. She might be an average student in many subjects (that's what average means) so you should get used to the idea that 60% of her peers can be "better" at a skill than she is, and she is still learning acceptably (as long as she is learning). Noting that a few if her peers run ahead of her in class content is just fine... In fact, it's probably excellent. I agree about working with her to absorb the rules if the classroom. Consider role-play, catch phrases and brainstorming as possible teaching tools... But don't overwhelm her. She will have occasional classroom problems for her whole school career -- all children do. Her teacher is there to teach her, so mistakes are fine there too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gracesteacher Posted February 25, 2014 Share Posted February 25, 2014 Her ADD days are they after she stayed up late?? My 7.5 is a reader like that and is really chatty when she isn't challenged. Bordum equals finding something even if it inapprpriate. So I vote normal Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Halcyon Posted February 25, 2014 Share Posted February 25, 2014 Unfortunately, while in school, the student has to do what the teacher says. That's the way it is. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bolt. Posted February 25, 2014 Share Posted February 25, 2014 Or, the student can not do what the teacher says... and wait to see what the response is. Some kids just need to know, so they can make their decisions based on empirical data. I may be odd, but >>as long as my child is learning<< I don't actually mind if the teacher is having classroom struggles with my child. The teacher is the one with training and professional development on classroom management, and s/he is actually present and active during whatever is happening to be called a "problem". If the techniques being employed are proving ineffective, I expect her/him to try something else -- not blame the child and ask the parent to "make it all better" majically, while not even present, without ever having observed the dynamic or the problem behaviours. I'm willing to collaborate, and I want to raise "good" children -- but I also expect someone employed to teach to be able to manage children, not expect them to arrive pre-managed and no trouble at all. Teaching is a job involving children... They are likely to act like children (within reason) unless someone is capably providing them with the management they need. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anne in CA Posted February 26, 2014 Share Posted February 26, 2014 My oldest had many of these sorts of issues as a 7/8yo and was a constant disappointment to her 2nd/3rd grade teachers. It was not good for her, and by the time I was ready to home school her, her love of learning was completely gone. I mean, gone. To this day (she is 25) she will not play a family game like Artifact because it involves reading cards that teach you something. She also had a hard time displaying insight that teachers wanted, and although she was/is HIGHLY intelligent, she could not put herself in someone else's place. Not a friend, and not a fictional character. She still struggles with empathy. (Well, actually she doesn't know she doesn't have much, lol, but she is not mean or unsympathetic, she just doesn't get where people are coming from.) I would be very careful, because she is obviously not a people pleaser. I think the other kids in the class do not understand Amber Brown any more than she does, but they know how to talk the teacher along, and their parents coach them at home. As someone who has taught a lot of Sunday School and home school coop classes I can attest that many kids are very adept at keeping a teacher thinking that they understand complicated concepts that they don't. I actually think your dd is just more honest than the other kids. Most teachers like people pleasers. This is not your child and if you want to keep her in this school you are going to have to work with her on this. She is going to need to learn how to "fool" the teacher like the other kids and not stand out or be herself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsmylife Posted February 26, 2014 Author Share Posted February 26, 2014 After reading some of the replies to my post, I asked DD if the other kids in her book club (three girls) came up with the comments on their own - DD's answer was that one gets help from her nanny and the moms help the other two kids. I am mad and and at the same time feeling very guilty that I did not even the field for DD by helping her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maize Posted February 26, 2014 Share Posted February 26, 2014 I would have been miserable in your dd's classroom... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Incognito Posted February 26, 2014 Share Posted February 26, 2014 Or, the student can not do what the teacher says... and wait to see what the response is. Some kids just need to know, so they can make their decisions based on empirical data. I may be odd, but >>as long as my child is learning<< I don't actually mind if the teacher is having classroom struggles with my child. The teacher is the one with training and professional development on classroom management, and s/he is actually present and active during whatever is happening to be called a "problem". If the techniques being employed are proving ineffective, I expect her/him to try something else -- not blame the child and ask the parent to "make it all better" majically, while not even present, without ever having observed the dynamic or the problem behaviours. I'm willing to collaborate, and I want to raise "good" children -- but I also expect someone employed to teach to be able to manage children, not expect them to arrive pre-managed and no trouble at all. Teaching is a job involving children... They are likely to act like children (within reason) unless someone is capably providing them with the management they need. Eh...I understand where you are coming from, but teachers are not magicians either. I think that the way a teacher is approaching discipline issues is really important - case in point - one of my kids is in a weekly class and showed poor judgement and behavior one day. I wasn't there, so I didn't know. My child had alluded to it, but I hadn't actually realized they had until the teacher called me a day before the next class to talk with me about what happened. I was very happy to know that my child had done what they did, and I used the knowledge to work with my child on how they would behave better next time and on figuring out the appropriate way to apologize to the parties involved. All that to say, if the classroom teacher is having struggles with my child I think it is good teaching to keep me as a parent in the loop on it. If I hadn't been told about it, my child would have figured they "got away with it" and they likely would have escalated (I say this based on the personality of my child). As it was, I was able to help my child restore relationships with people who had been hurt by my child's actions. The teacher is a good one and is planning to keep my child a little closer as far as supervision goes, and will be better able to do her job of teaching when I am able to back up classroom discipline issues with my expectations at home. Now, the OP's kid - I'd consider how experienced this teacher is and why they might be sharing the particular things they are sharing with you. Kids need to follow the general directions of their teachers - if your child is choosing not to on a regular basis, that is pretty hard to deal with. In reading your explanations, it seems to me that the rules and expectations that are being set up are pushing your daughter towards sneaking and deceit. The book limit isn't really helpful. Try to find a system that can be livable for all of you - something that respects your DD's interests and needs, but also makes it easier for her to make good choices and do the things she needs to do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NASDAQ Posted February 26, 2014 Share Posted February 26, 2014 My daughter could not read that series without becoming deeply upset. I would not encourage her to think about how it might feel if mummy and daddy divorced and were bitter towards each other. Cripes. And they're reading the entire series? What is the redeeming literary value of these books? There are so many perfectly lovely children's books for a good reader her age. The Moffats. Half Magic. The Saturdays. The Penderwicks. Your daughter sounds normal. Your daughter's teacher sounds really controlling. I agree with Ellie. Also, my 7 yo, good reader is reading through this list. It's really great. http://www.brearley.org/data/files/gallery/FamilyHomepageForms/Chapter_Books_List_2013.pdf Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Erica in OR Posted February 26, 2014 Share Posted February 26, 2014 Just to speak to the point about getting books from the school library. I was/am a voracious reader as well. It makes no difference if one has over 200 books at home—if you feel a particular book calling to you that fits your mood and interest that day (such as your comment on one she was "desperate" to read), then you really want to have it around to read. A two-book limit is not going to make a difference, but you setting boundaries for school night reading time. Discuss with her that staying up late reading affects how we can handle the next day. At our house, Kindles go in the "Kindle corral" in my room at bedtime and are not available until the next morning after chores are done. Sounds like the books need to have their special place and not be available after a certain time. I understand the pull of "just one more chapter" and even in college stayed up way too late too often. At this age, she needs help/boundaries with this. Erica in OR Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cammie Posted February 26, 2014 Share Posted February 26, 2014 At 30 years old I was spending my days studying for the Bar Exam in a coffee shop attached to a Borders book store. The new Harry Potter came out. I was supposed to be studying for one of the most challenging tests I would ever take. I DID NOT possess the self-control to deny myself the Harry Potter book. I spent two days going to the coffee shop, pretending to study for the bar exam, while actually reading the Harry Potter. So, I do appreciate your daughter's choices!! She sounds like a lovely girl presented with scenarios in which she is expected to behave in way that doesn't match what she wants to do. Life is about learning how to balance what we want to do with what we need to do. With a little help from you, I am sure she will figure this out! But please, please, let her have her books!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Susan in TX Posted February 27, 2014 Share Posted February 27, 2014 Your child sounds like a lovely, smart, creative, and very NORMAL 7 year old. If she were my child I'd either homeschool her or find a different school. Susan in TX Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
readinmom Posted February 27, 2014 Share Posted February 27, 2014 Sounds like a bright, creative 7 year-old to me. It sounds like the teacher is the one with the problem. Why would you want your daughter to have the same answer as everyone else? Let her be unique. Pull her if you can. School might be a big disappointment for her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammi K Posted February 27, 2014 Share Posted February 27, 2014 You mentioned this was a 'book club.' Is this a voluntary club? If so, why not just pull your daughter out and have her do another club instead. Or is this a euphemism for leveled reading group? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ausmumof3 Posted February 27, 2014 Share Posted February 27, 2014 Your daughter sounds pretty normal to me. The book would be over my 7 yr olds head and I'd be unhappy about the topic choice. Making handprints on the paper cover... Whatever! Not following directions is the only thing that concerns me, but given the pettiness of the other comments I wouldn't know whether or not the expectations were reasonable. I've also noticed that teachers only seem to see certain comments as insightful... As a kid there'd be other kids that would say stuff that seemed so obvious that I would never bother to say it but it would be deemed soooo intelligent. It was just stating the obvious. Not sure if this is what is going on though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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