Soror Posted February 9, 2014 Share Posted February 9, 2014 So, my daughter informed me yesterday that Grandma said she is not allowed to come again to her house without socks on, she didn't mention this to me mind you, she never does. My in-laws keep their house around 80 degrees and have wall to wall carpet, there is no logical reason why they *need* socks at their house. My mil is extremely cold-natured though and cannot grasp the concept that others do not feel the same as her. I generally try to go along with her crazy rules, just as it isn't that big of a deal but it really annoys me. Personally, I think the kids should be able to dress themselves as they see fit according to what they find comfortable, obviously as long as it is appropriate the the occasion and weather. I loathe socks myself and very rarely wear them. So, would you go along with this? I know in itself is small but she does stuff like this all the time. I keep thinking every time it comes up that I should have a convo with her but I haven't yet. It continues to bother me more as they get older because I find the arbitrary control freak behavior entirely disrespectful and unnecessary. However, I don't expect that we will agree on everything so I keep my mouth shut. Thus far my answer has been that granny has different rules but we decide the rules at our house- as sometimes she tries to tell the kids they need to do this or that even at their own home, which I absolutely will not let stand. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moxie Posted February 9, 2014 Share Posted February 9, 2014 Yep. I'd just have them wear socks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tess in the Burbs Posted February 9, 2014 Share Posted February 9, 2014 Her house, her rules. Respecting that will hopefully lead to her respecting your house, your rules. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mathmarm Posted February 9, 2014 Share Posted February 9, 2014 Yes. Put on some socks and a smile when you visit your grandma dear. Keep on, keeping on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caroline Posted February 9, 2014 Share Posted February 9, 2014 Some people don't like bare feet on their carpets. It's a reasonable request for her house. At your house, your rules stand. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zoobie Posted February 9, 2014 Share Posted February 9, 2014 They can choose to wear socks or not go. The more she micromanages, the less they'll want to be around her. Socks would not be a deal breaker for me, and I'd save up outrage for a truly controlling, overstepping issue. Maybe she thinks it will keep her carpet clean? Feet are a little gross. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tap Posted February 9, 2014 Share Posted February 9, 2014 Sorry, but her house, her rules. I would call to find out why she is requesting it though. Sure, maybe it is that she is cold and wants others to be snuggly warm as well, but there could be other reasons. I can think of a few off the top of my head, so I am sure there are lots more. Some people have a big worry about planter warts being spread. Or maybe she has a bare foot aversion. Maybe she is worried that germs and bacteria are being spread around the house from bare feet. If you daughters feet were bare outside, or if she was only wearing flip flops, maybe her feet are dirty. Smelly feet are very gross to me. My mind just thinks of all the bacteria letting off that nasty smell. I know some people can't help it but I would cringe if I had to smell someone elses feet while they visited. If it was a person who was there often, I may try to come up with a solution, like asking them to wear socks. (Some people in my extended family seem to have a severe biological issue that causes this, so I grew up with tolerating it, but also trying to find a solution for the people around them) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted February 9, 2014 Share Posted February 9, 2014 Yes. Socks. I'd like to know the context of "no socks," though. And my children were not released to make their own clothing choices until I had spent many years teaching them what is appropriate to wear and what is not. They don't come out of the womb knowing stuff like that, lol. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsheresomewhere Posted February 9, 2014 Share Posted February 9, 2014 Next visit- "Why MIL, you never mentioned the socks to me. I thought when DD said something about socks that you had made a joke about socks. As I couldn't imagine any grandmother telling their grandkids they couldn't visit over socks." That is exactly what I would say but I have relatives who if you give a mm they take a foot type thing. I honestly wouldn't go out of my way to make sure the kids are wearing socks. Now if the children have mud caked feet that is a different story. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soror Posted February 9, 2014 Author Share Posted February 9, 2014 It is strictly due to her perceived need for them to be warm. She has all kinds of rules about how much she thinks they should wear revolving around the fact that she doesn't understand that she is significantly colder natured than most everyone else. Their feet haven't been dirty as we've been cooped up inside for the most part due to the weather lately. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danestress Posted February 9, 2014 Share Posted February 9, 2014 Maybe it bugs her to have bare feet around the house but she doesn't want shoes on inside? I used to always have "no bare feet at the table" rule, but since my kids don't wear shoes inside, this required them to hunt down socks. I kind of let this go as the kids got older, but it used to seem like very bad manners to sit down to the table with bare feet. Just my own hang-up, and Grandmas probably get to have their own hang-ups too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luanne Posted February 9, 2014 Share Posted February 9, 2014 My mother thinks everyone should have on socks as well, although she would never put up a fight over it. I could have understood if it had to do with keeping the carpet clean though. My father was a professional carpet cleaner for years and he said that the carpet in houses where the people went barefoot all the time was WAY dirtier than the ones who walked around in shoes. The oils in your feet (dirty feet or not) get into the carpet making it very difficult to get clean. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted February 9, 2014 Share Posted February 9, 2014 I'd have them wear socks. BUT it's little things like this that really tend to throw us overboard. Is this the straw that broke the camel's back? Are your dc visiting for fun or because grandma is helping out watching the kids? How many other rules are driving you or your dc crazy? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soror Posted February 9, 2014 Author Share Posted February 9, 2014 I find this so, um, funny perhaps. I guess I'm more liberal than I thought because I find the controlling rules very offensive. I could see going along with something when there is some type of reason but silly illogical rules just for the sake of control, not so much. I have problems with it as well from the standpoint of not allowing your grandchildren to visit unless they capitulate to these rules. I think they should be able to control their body for the most part, if it was due to dirt or something that would be understandable but I believe one should be able to decide what they find comfortable. This reminds me of something else she would do, she used to clip their nails as well if she deemed their length unacceptable. I let my children clip their own nails as soon as they are able, my 6yo does her own and has for awhile. I started reminding them to clip their own before they went down to avoid it and so they could pick a length they like but was short enough to pass her rules. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted February 9, 2014 Share Posted February 9, 2014 They have such a thing as toeless socks. Yeah. I'm not sure a grandma with this rule would respond kindly to toeless socks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
texasmama Posted February 9, 2014 Share Posted February 9, 2014 I might buy some socks and give them to MIL to put on the kids when they arrive with the reasoning that you don't always remember to put socks on them since they don't want them or feel cold. Then MIL can have her own pile of kid socks to put on them. This also opens the conversation for her to give any more information or details. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
texasmama Posted February 9, 2014 Share Posted February 9, 2014 BTW, I have a MIL who did a lot of subtle and not so subtle passing on of her disapproval of many of our parenting choices, all the while being someone whom the kids did not want to spend time with and after not parenting her own children much or well. Interesting. We hardly see her anymore. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farrar Posted February 9, 2014 Share Posted February 9, 2014 I would be annoyed too. But I would just go along with it. Not a hill to die on. There have been a number of rules like this that we've had to do over the years in different contexts. I just say to the kids, "Yep, I think it's silly too, but it's the rule here, so we follow it." Of course, some of this depends a bit on the context. I mean, if every week your kids are coming home with a new rule like this and they see grandma all the time, then yeah, I might have a polite let's just get on the same page here about behavior and dress and expectations conversation. And I'd frame it like, "I want you to be able to enjoy the kids and not feel the need to constantly be enforcing new rules. It's your home, so we're happy to do things your way most of the time, but it can't be fun for your either to constantly have to be making rules. Our parenting expectations are just different, so let's try to find a happy middle ground so the kids aren't confused." But if you don't see her that often or she set the rules and just left them for the most part, I'd vent to dh and then let it go. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
emzhengjiu Posted February 9, 2014 Share Posted February 9, 2014 It's a strange rule, but it is her house. While little issues do add up, to me relationships between grandchildren and grandparents are important enough to overlook little things such as this rule seems to be. I would say let it go and either send socks with the children or buy some to leave with your MIL. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
school17777 Posted February 9, 2014 Share Posted February 9, 2014 Their feet could be stinky if they are wearing shoes (not sandals) without socks. Could be a hint about the smell. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Garga Posted February 9, 2014 Share Posted February 9, 2014 Her house. Her rules. I can't stand bare feet touching the furniture, like if we're sitting on the couch and someone tucks a foot under their leg. My kids' feet get dirty and sweaty and I don't want that wet sweaty dirt on the couch. Maybe your kids' feet don't sweat, but mine do. ETA: I just saw your post about how she's doing this only so their feet aren't cold. No answers for that then. You're still stuck with her house, her rules. Maybe the kids will get so hot they'll start sweating all over her furniture. Wouldn't that be lucky? ;) (kidding!) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zoobie Posted February 9, 2014 Share Posted February 9, 2014 Bonus I guess she won't be able to inspect their toenails now... Are these unsupervised overnights? I can't imagine my parents pulling out the clippers when we come over. I'd stop that nonsense. Socks are non-invasive. We don't know the rest of the history, so a request to wear socks in a vacuum isn't unreasonable. If it's part of an over-controlling personality, well, then the kids will stop wanting to be around her. If they're young and you think she's damaging them with the totality of her demands, then you can step in and curtail unsupervised visits. I can't see ages on my phone. If they're older, then it's their choice to visit and acquiesce to her crazy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom2bee Posted February 9, 2014 Share Posted February 9, 2014 Blood is thicker than socks. I'm sorry, I am with Grandma. It irks me when people aren't dressed warmly. I am often cold and I just can't fathom other people being "okay". It is nit-picky and petty of me, I know, and for the most part I try very hard to just leave folks alone. I sincerely do. But...it irks me. HOWEVER, I am more of a compromise-type person. I'd buy a couple of packs of nice socks and keep them at the house for all the grand-kids and insist they wear them when at my place. I can see myself saying something similar in 40ish years. "Put some socks on your feet dear, and your long sleeved shirt too. Its too cold to run around in a t-shirt and no socks." In your case, unless your kids don't like their grandma and would prefer not to see her and your husband doesn't dislike the grandma and would prefer not to see her, I can understand your frustration but I'd just give them socks. It just doesn't seem like a big deal to me, even if I weren't a "cold person". But now you know my cozy little secret. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soror Posted February 9, 2014 Author Share Posted February 9, 2014 BTW, I have a MIL who did a lot of subtle and not so subtle passing on of her disapproval of many of our parenting choices, all the while being someone whom the kids did not want to spend time with and after not parenting her own children much or well. Interesting. We hardly see her anymore. :) Yep, we've got that as well. If I sit here and thought I could think of a lot of examples. I've been very blunt and upfront with the worst of them. Our parenting beliefs are not on the same planet and she is a very negative person who tends to find and think the worst of everything. On the socks it is just imo stupid and a matter of bodily autonomy. I think the kids should have the right to decide for themselves if they are warm, comfortable, full, etc. I think it is controlling and harmful to tell kids to ignore their own feelings in these matters and it is not inline with my own goal of raising kids who can figure out what they need on their own. Of course if my 4yo starts outside in shorts when there is a windchill of -5 then I'll stop her and direct her to more appropriate clothing but I find they generally have a good sense of what they need and with minimal guidance they can figure out what is acceptable. I cannot wrap my brain around arbitrary controlling rules tied to time spent with Grandma. I can see that for something like Scouts, the kids know that there are certain expectations for their uniforms and how they are worn and being in scouts means following those rules but we are choosing to participate. Love and time w/ grandma shouldn't have strings, without a very good reason. I see I got a 1 star rating, I guess I offended some sock-lover out there :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HRAAB Posted February 9, 2014 Share Posted February 9, 2014 It would greatly annoy me, but I would go along with it. We all have furry, loud colored, outlandish looking socks that we wear in our house because your feet legitimately get cold in the winter except for the room with the wood stove. I'd send those with them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom2bee Posted February 9, 2014 Share Posted February 9, 2014 Plus, I don't want other peoples feet on my stuff! Your kids feet may have a smell that you don't notice but Granny does. Her house, her rules. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soror Posted February 9, 2014 Author Share Posted February 9, 2014 Blood is thicker than socks. I'm sorry, I am with Grandma. It irks me when people aren't dressed warmly. I am often cold and I just can't fathom other people being "okay". It is nit-picky and petty of me, I know, and for the most part I try very hard to just leave folks alone. I sincerely do. But...it irks me. HOWEVER, I am more of a compromise-type person. I'd buy a couple of packs of nice socks and keep them at the house for all the grand-kids and insist they wear them when at my place. I can see myself saying something similar in 40ish years. "Put some socks on your feet dear, and your long sleeved shirt too. Its too cold to run around in a t-shirt and no socks." In your case, unless your kids don't like their grandma and would prefer not to see her and your husband doesn't dislike the grandma and would prefer not to see her, I can understand your frustration but I'd just give them socks. It just doesn't seem like a big deal to me, even if I weren't a "cold person". But now you know my cozy little secret. It is 80 degrees in her house though, it is NOT cold. Can you imagine someone telling you that you must not be hot so you need to take off your sweater? The kids feet aren't dirty or smelly, in the summer they can get that way for sure but not right now! I know people keep on bringing up these excuses but I know the history here, it has nothing to do with anything other than what she deems an acceptable clothing based on temperature. The kids go through spurts on how often they visit, sometimes it is once a week for a few hours and then there are times when it is maybe every month or two. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mathnerd Posted February 9, 2014 Share Posted February 9, 2014 I am not the kind of mom that will keep sending my kids over to their grandma's house if she was being constantly critical of everything from socks to behavior (I am not the kind that feels the need to suck it up to foster family ties at all costs etc and I strongly believe that respect and effort at getting along with each other is mutual, even when that relationship is between a young grandchild and a grandma). That said, if you still want to keep sending your kids over to your IL's I suggest that you buy a 12 pack of socks and send it along with a note with your kids next time. Explain in the note that your children choose how to dress by themselves and if the socks are missing and the lack of socks bothers her in the future, would she kindly provide them the socks that you left at her house??? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Haiku Posted February 9, 2014 Share Posted February 9, 2014 However, I don't expect that we will agree on everything so I keep my mouth shut. Good advice from a wise woman. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nart Posted February 9, 2014 Share Posted February 9, 2014 I am confused. If you live where it is winter, what do the kids wear on their feet over to grandma's? Socks with boots or shoes? Then they want to take off their shoes and socks inside? Or are they showing up without socks, either barefoot or wearing shoes without socks? I live in Southern California so I don't get what you do in winter. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soror Posted February 9, 2014 Author Share Posted February 9, 2014 They don't wear socks in my house unless they want to, dd usually wears house shoes. When they go to their house they throw on some slip on shoes w/out socks, the trip takes maybe 5 min so it is just a matter of keeping their feet covered and warm enough for the few minutes it takes to go between the door to the car. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wabi Sabi Posted February 9, 2014 Share Posted February 9, 2014 Yes. Socks. I'd like to know the context of "no socks," though. And my children were not released to make their own clothing choices until I had spent many years teaching them what is appropriate to wear and what is not. They don't come out of the womb knowing stuff like that, lol. Are you generally of the mindset that going sans socks is inappropriate, or do I just misunderstand you? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom2bee Posted February 9, 2014 Share Posted February 9, 2014 It is 80 degrees in her house though, it is NOT cold. Can you imagine someone telling you that you must not be hot so you need to take off your sweater? Actually, they do. I have always taken my jacket off to appease a loving but cooky elder or family member. I polite decline or deflect the request coming from others. I'm not arguing that Grammy isn't nuts--If I am nutty/petty/nit-picky for thinking it, then so is she--but she is their grandma. Blood is thicker than socks (and sweaters!), as far as I know. The kids feet aren't dirty or smelly, in the summer they can get that way for sure but not right now! The kids go through spurts on how often they visit, sometimes it is once a week for a few hours and then there are times when it is maybe every month or two. Well, how do the KIDS feel about the sock rule? Was your DD complaining or upset about the rule? I guess their unbiased feelings would also effect how much I put up with Grammy and her silly rules. But the rules are just that--silly. What is the limit on how impacting 'silliness' is for your family dynamic? There are plenty of nutso relatives who I wouldn't give the time of day to, but there are also relatives and family friends who I love and respect enough that I am willing to accept--sometimes gracefully, often begrudgingly--that it is harder for them in their 60s, 70s and 80s to be compromising than it is in my teens and 20s. I often compromise on my end with the mental reminder that I should remain flexible and agreeable in my way of thinking when I am in their role and some young whipper-snapper is doing some thing that is "out the box" from my perspective, no matter how nitpicky it is. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JustEm Posted February 9, 2014 Share Posted February 9, 2014 I would just allow my children to follow her rules. If they don't want to wear socks then they don't have to go to grandmas. If it had to do with keeping carpet clean I'd make them wear socks. But since it's because she's trying to control her perception of them then I'd let them decide if they want her to control them. If they never see grandma then you politely tell her that they're following her rules Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Momofeat Posted February 9, 2014 Share Posted February 9, 2014 I also would buy socks to keep there--and I would make sure they were very thin. My fil also wants to keep the heat at 80, and sometimes I feel sick from it, so I would try to make the kids comfy if I could. I would keep them there, because I would never remember to have a "sock inspection" before we left the house! I also agree that it's not a hill to die on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lara in Colo Posted February 9, 2014 Share Posted February 9, 2014 Now I am curious to know the other rules the grandmother has.................... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farrar Posted February 9, 2014 Share Posted February 9, 2014 Wait, she clips their toenails too? Sigh. I get it. It's not about this one rule, it's about her being oddly controlling. But I still wouldn't seize on this particular rule to make your case. As you can see from the response, it's a tough sell. Wait until she does something on the toenail clipping level before you have it out. :tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom2bee Posted February 9, 2014 Share Posted February 9, 2014 I hadn't ever noticed the rating function before now. Funny. Also, it won't allow you to change your rating so if you hit it by accident--too bad for you! Yikes! I cast a vote and didn't mean to and don't even know what my vote was when I was inspecting the thing. So, soror, maybe you didn't offend a sock lover, maybe it was an accident or maybe they disagreed with something more than your position on socks....I guess we'll never know. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MysteryJen Posted February 9, 2014 Share Posted February 9, 2014 Now this is something my mother would do. And it would be an out of the blue new rule. However, she would provide socks for the kids. Rules about footwear are more easily managed if the hosts provided socks/slippers, covers etc. But my kids are used to random new rules and have managed by just not going over much anymore. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
texasmama Posted February 9, 2014 Share Posted February 9, 2014 Wait, she clips their toenails too? Sigh. I get it. It's not about this one rule, it's about her being oddly controlling. But I still wouldn't seize on this particular rule to make your case. As you can see from the response, it's a tough sell. Wait until she does something on the toenail clipping level before you have it out. :tongue_smilie: This is what happened in our family. And it all worked out for the best for our immediate family. :) Being a reasonable person and hoping that other people are also reasonable is a wonderful thing, but it does have its limits. I sense this is not about socks. Our issues were not about "socks", either, but it took many years for dh to see and understand that our kids were being negatively affected and that their feelings trumped the feelings of MIL. OP, I do not want to superimpose my own experience on yours by over identifying and misreading things, but I am hearing some bells ring inside my head. :) Please take what you need from my experience and leave the rest. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soror Posted February 9, 2014 Author Share Posted February 9, 2014 Wait, she clips their toenails too? Sigh. I get it. It's not about this one rule, it's about her being oddly controlling. But I still wouldn't seize on this particular rule to make your case. As you can see from the response, it's a tough sell. Wait until she does something on the toenail clipping level before you have it out. :tongue_smilie: Totally. I almost posted about the fingernail clipping on here before I just decided I'd have them take care of it themselves to appease Granny. They also supervise baths/showers and I find that very offensive as well, especially for a 9yo. They were making my 9yo (and everyone else) use a sippy cup, not due to spillage mind you. I finally put the kabosh on that during the holidays. I can understand it for the 4yo and MAYBE the 6(almost) 7 year old but I'm absolutely not going along with making my 9 yo use a baby cup. She is just generally controlling and infantilizes the kids majorly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swellmomma Posted February 9, 2014 Share Posted February 9, 2014 her house her rules even if they are stupid. I have actually had the sock talk wth my mom before. She wants socks on the kids all the time even in summer when wearing sandals. I personally don't care, it's their feet, if they are warm enough in their sorels in winter without them that is their choice. If they are going to spend time outside they usually have socks on but just to go to gramma's etc I don't dictate once they hit about 5 yrs old. She now just keeps a drawer of socks at her place and if others are coming over, or plans change to go out etc they will put on a pair from there at her request. We also have the issue of her telling them either in person or over the phone what they can and can't do in their own home, what chores to do, what to wear etc. It has resulted in all out war between her and I a few times. SOmetimes I tell the kids not to worry about it, they know the expectations for our home and she doesn't so in one ear and out the other. But the day I caught her on the phone chewing out oldest for not doing what she felt he should I lost it on her. I was not polite, respectful or even kind in what I dished out that day but she backed off considerably after tripping over herself apologizing. She felt she was being helpful, I felt she was meddling and forgetting her place. Anyways, when it comes to arbitrary rules at her house, either talk to her or follow them, but ultimately it's her house. If/when she tries to tell the kids what to do in their own home remind her that you as the parent and owner of that home will determine what will and will not be allowed there. ETA: just read further. I would not be okay with rules that are strictly controlling and infantilizing my children. Clipping their nails, watching them bath and making them use sippy cups would not be happening, and I am not nice enough to have been passive about it either. It is more than just gramma being gramma, or even more than just controlling, it is down right creepy. Knowing my kids they would have asked to stop going to gramma's based on those things. ALready the oldest 2 are pulling back on how much time they want to spend at gramma's based on her attitudes/controlling and it is nothing to that calibre at all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zoobie Posted February 9, 2014 Share Posted February 9, 2014 Totally. I almost posted about the fingernail clipping on here as well before I just decided I'd have them take care of it themselves to appease Granny. They also supervise baths/showers and I find that very offensive as well, especially for a 9yo. They were making my 9yo (and everyone else) use a sippy cup, not due to spillage mind you. I finally put the kabosh on that during the holidays. I can understand it for the 4yo and MAYBE the 6(almost) 7 year old but I'm absolutely not going along with making my 9 yo use a baby cup. She is just generally controlling and infantilizes the kids majorly. That's creepy! No way should they be peeping on a 9 year old's shower! Holy cats. Why do they shower there??? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soror Posted February 9, 2014 Author Share Posted February 9, 2014 They shower there if it is late or such. They don't supervise to be creepy but they think they have to direct them to make sure the kids clean themselves to meet their standards. I told my husband that I just cannot believe that they were this controlling when he was a child, there is no way. I think my fil is just a bit clueless as he worked so much that he wasn't around to do much childcare but he is not controlling like she is, I don't generally get offended by his rules as I just know it is due to lack of experience. I don't quite understand how she can be so out there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farrar Posted February 9, 2014 Share Posted February 9, 2014 Yeah, don't focus on the socks, focus on how inappropriate it is to watch a 9 yo shower. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soror Posted February 9, 2014 Author Share Posted February 9, 2014 Oh, they also supervised my son wiping his butt well past the point that I did here. I get the impression that it is partly due to us hs'ing I think she has this odd idea that our kids need more direction or something because they are sheltered. I think the main part is her controlling though. My kids are way more independent and capable than most kids their age but she doesn't seem to grasp this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OneStepAtATime Posted February 9, 2014 Share Posted February 9, 2014 Well, as an avid wear whatever makes you feel comfortable person, I get where you are coming from. But I agree with other posters, this sock thing would not be the issue I would fight over. The toe nail clipping, sippy cup for 9 year olds, supervise the older ones showering things would definitely be more of an issue you could state your case with. And I wonder if maybe, secretly, she also has an issue with germs and bare feet ( a LOT of people do) and just doesn't want to say so to her grandkids. Maybe acting like keeping their feet warm sounds more grandmotherly to her instead of openly addressing all of her issues with why she needs them to wear socks? That being said, If I were Granny, I don't think I would have phrased it the way she apparently did, though, because it makes it sound like them wearing socks is more important to her than her having a relationship with them. If it were important to me, I would have bought socks and just asked them to put them on when they were there, but made it clear it was for my own peace of mind, not because I felt they were behaving inappropriately. Obviously, this is about a lot more than socks. I am sorry this is an ongoing control issue. That can be tough. Best wishes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soror Posted February 9, 2014 Author Share Posted February 9, 2014 It is funny as talking about this has made me think of all the other crazy things. When it happens it really annoys me and I try to move past it and then whenever some new crazy rule comes up it reminds me of all the other things. I could go on and on with the little things, like toddlers not sitting in grass, regular lawn grass mind you, as grass is sharp and they will cut themselves. She tries to determine what clothes they wear as play clothes and dress clothes, at home. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Meriwether Posted February 9, 2014 Share Posted February 9, 2014 My in-laws have many rules. I tried to abide by their house, their rules. Eventually, it became too much. We no longer really spend time at their house. We haven't been there in 15 months. We used to go 3-4 times per year. It was hard for me to give up on the relationship. Family is important to me. The kids, who were 9, 8, 5 and 2 when the straw broke the camel's back, were relieved to stop going. They will occasionally mention missing the dogs. FIL raises border collie. The downside of giving ultimatums like "you can't come unless" over things that are truly unimportant is that people will eventually decide the relationship isn't worth the rules. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mathmarm Posted February 9, 2014 Share Posted February 9, 2014 Socks are an irrelevant issue in my mind. Sippy cups for kids 3+, supervised showers and micromanaging toilet hygiene is another. I don't think we'd have gotten so far down this path to have come to socks if she was making my kids drink from bottles/infant cups. I know we wouldn't have made it that far is she was supervising their showers (watching them bathe) or micromanaging the area of butt that was covered in each wiping. That's too much, even for me! I can kind of see checking to see that they've washed appropriately afterwards or even pre-washing their hands, face, feet and brushing their teeth BEFORE they disrobe to shower/bath in privacy, those are the sort of things my mother did with us when we were young. I knew a few moms who did it that sort of pre-cleaning kids because it was faster, more effective than the whole "Now, Jonathan, did you remember to wash behind your ears?" thing when the kid was plunking his half-washed butt down at the dinner table, but....yeah. I think supervising showers real time for kids over 5 or 6 is too much. Waaay too much. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.