s/o sensory kids

[Scarlett]

I didn't want to t/j the other thread...but I have a few questions.....HOW does one know if it is truly a REAL problem or just a kid getting his way? 

 

I have only known one kid who refused to eat to the point of being hospitalized.....he is a cousin of mine....my best friend has a kid who won't eat decent food....but I've always felt if she stopped buying poptarts and funyions he might try something decent. 

 

My ds13 has a few things that are....quirky.  The thought of putting his hands in dishwater just totally grosses him out....well, guess what *I* don't like dishwater either but I have to wash the dishes!   He will generally eat anything I cook....but he won't touch a nut of any kind, unless it is creamy.  I allow this because he eats healthy in general...not sure what I would do if he extended that repulsion to more things. 

 

I am rambling but really my main question is HOW do you know?  I have an only so don't have the luxury of comparing him to other kids.

[Pawz4me]

For my youngest, who has/had relatively mild sensory issues, it was pretty readily apparent that his issues weren't about control or getting his way.  Because a lot of things he strongly disliked were things that most young kids his age thoroughly enjoyed.

 

He never liked bright light.  Going outside he HAD to have sunglasses or he'd squint to the point of almost shutting his eyes.  Sometimes he'd just sit and bow his head toward the ground to avoid sunlight.

He complained that the music in preschool was too loud and hurt his ears.  He'd hunker down and cover his ears during music time, when all the other kids seemed to be thoroughly enjoying themselves.

When we were driving on the interstate he would say that trucks passing us were too loud and hurt his ears.

He never wanted the radio on in the car, even though I played "kid" music.  He said it hurt his ears, even with the volume low.

After touching finger paint the first time, he refused to touch it ever again.  He'd almost panic (in a quiet way) if he thought he might be forced to touch something squishy like that.

 

So for him it wasn't just food.  But his other sensory issues made it obvious that the food issues were NOT just about control or getting his way.

[UncleEJ]

I definitely do not have an answer to your question, although I am interested in it myself. But I too, hate, hate, hate dishwater. And if there is food particles floating around...barf! I thought I was the only one, that's all. :-)

[RebeccaS]

For us, personally, my third child started right at birth.  Not eating meant lots of weight checks.  Lots of weight checks meant seeing other specialists to rule out the reasons why he wasn't eating and then try to find a solution.  He was hospitalized several times for dehydration as even what little he did eat was violently ejected from his tiny body.  Unfortunately for us (as I mentioned in the other thread) my ds ended up being totally tube-fed by the time he was around 6 months old.  I spent years taking him to therapy and we were able to finally get him off the tube when he was 2.5.  Even today, though he has a litany of foods he will not eat.  I, stupidly, used to force him to keep trying them.  After he threw up mashed potatoes for the fourth time at the dinner table, it finally hit me that it's ok if he never eats them.

 

Fortunately for us, his preferred foods are many times healthy (plain, baked chicken breast, apples, peanut butter, etc) he just won't eat very much of them.  And, a food he liked yesterday he may not like today, but he'll eat it in two weeks.  

 

ETA: I've never known a newborn to refuse food unless there was an issue.  That's how we knew.  The worst, most hurtful thing that's been said to me is, "he'll eat when he's hungry."  No.  He won't.  He'll starve himself.  That's why we just got home from the hospital.  Again.  We are past that, for the most part, but I still remember how that advice made me feel.  :( 

[Plink]

We received a professional diagnosis, but the problem was always obvious.  My sensory kid was labeled "failure to thrive" as an infant because she refused to eat.  We worked hard and she no longer has any food sensitivities at all, if anything she is an adventurous eater now, but her issues were very real while we worked through them.

 

It was obvious that she wasn't simply being picky because there were so many other sensory issues unrelated to food.  She could stand outside, barefoot, in the winter, for hours without knowing that it was cold and spin for excessive amounts of time without getting dizzy.  On the opposite side of the sensory coin, she refused to wear anything with seams, cried if people stood too close to her, and could never sleep in the car, even as an infant, because the motion was far too stimulating. 

[mommymilkies]

There are definite signs that something is "off". Have you read The Out of Sync Child?  It has a lot of good info on it.  For my 6 yo who won't eat, she is sooooo different than the others.  They all have food preferences, but hers are to the point of her starving herself, vomiting at the taste/texture, screaming and crying in true anxiety (parents can tell when their kid is truly breaking down from experience), etc.  It was very distinctly abnormal.  

[Scarlett]

I can totally understand knowing for sure if it starts with a newborn. 

 

I don't know where to draw the line between respecting what is a true problem and teaching him to 'gut it up' as a PP said.  I don't like dishwater either, but   dishes have to be washed!  Sometimes I drain the sink twice and get fresh water before I finish washing a meals worth of dishes. 

 

I think I am probably a HSP myself...more so than my son....but there was absolutely no possible way that my childhood would have allowed for such pickiness....things had to be done and we had to eat what was served. 

 

I don't know...I just want to be reasonable while being compassionate.

[mommymilkies]

I can totally understand knowing for sure if it starts with a newborn. 

 

I don't know where to draw the line between respecting what is a true problem and teaching him to 'gut it up' as a PP said.  I don't like dishwater either, but   dishes have to be washed!  Sometimes I drain the sink twice and get fresh water before I finish washing a meals worth of dishes. 

 

I think I am probably a HSP myself...more so than my son....but there was absolutely no possible way that my childhood would have allowed for such pickiness....things had to be done and we had to eat what was served. 

 

I don't know...I just want to be reasonable while being compassionate.

There is a pretty obvious difference between picky behavior and sensory behavior.  I can't eat mushrooms or slimy things.  They gag me.  I force them down in front of the kids so they don't dislike things that I hate.  One kid hates onions-picks them out of everything and can smell them a mile away.  But the sensory kid-there's patterns, there's extreme behavior, it's not linked to other behavior things (like attention or power).  I guess it's just one of those things you have to experience. IDK really how to explain it. 

 

But I will say this, when it comes down to reasonable vs. compassion, always err on the side of compassion.  Building relationships and trust will help all else follow.

[Scarlett]

Add tuna fish to the list.  And raw onions....pickles...olives, chips of any kind.  I taked to him just now about it.  He likes fish, so why not tuna fish?  He said he will try it next time with a little mayo on a sandwich.  Most of the stuff he won't touch isn't that healthy anyway and he will eat brussel sprouts, broccoli, even salad if I make him.  He doesn't like beans but will eat them if I make him.  He just told me he would eat a grasshopper or a nut if he was starving but if he isn't starving he doesn't want either thank you.  ;)

 

He also couldn't tolerate loud noises when he was a baby.....screamed in panic when a jet flew over one time.  Loves loves music but told me he doesn't want to go to a concert because it is too loud.

 

[amo_mea_filiis.]

I can totally understand knowing for sure if it starts with a newborn.

 

I don't know where to draw the line between respecting what is a true problem and teaching him to 'gut it up' as a PP said. I don't like dishwater either, but dishes have to be washed! Sometimes I drain the sink twice and get fresh water before I finish washing a meals worth of dishes.

 

I think I am probably a HSP myself...more so than my son....but there was absolutely no possible way that my childhood would have allowed for such pickiness....things had to be done and we had to eat what was served.

 

I don't know...I just want to be reasonable while being compassionate.

I wash dishes with the water running; no dishwater to deal with.

[Scarlett]

After I got married I continued cooking the same things my mom had....mac and cheese....one day it hit me...I HATE mac and cheese.  So I stopped eating it.  But refusing it when my mom made it was just...unheard of.  And she wasn't a hardnose....she wouldn't have made me eat it. 

[Alice]

I think for what you are describing (a kid that seems quirky/picky vs. truly having a sensory issue) I’d ask myself if he is helpful in other ways. If washing dishes is something that he hates but he will help you vacuum, I’d just let him not do the job that he finds problematic. But I’d say something like “Ok, I’ll wash the dishes for you but you are going to have to start helping with xyz.†I have some weird sensory quirks and there are still jobs that I just cannot do. Anything where I have to touch a rough plate or frosted glass. Anything involving sandpaper. Well, I could do them but I really really appreciate that my husband will do them for me. I know he does them out of love. We’ve done a lot of painting over our marriage and he’s done all the sanding/prep-work because it just drives me bonkers.  

 

I  was a really picky eater but nothing like what others have to deal with. As a kid I can remember really feeling sick at the thought of even having to try certain foods. Luckily, my Mom didn’t make me try foods or I think it would have been a real battle. I eat well now, although I’m still pickier than some adults. Off the subject, but there is a whole theory about picky eaters where it is thought that they really have more tastebuds and are actually “supertastersâ€. I embrace that description. :)

 

 

[mommymilkies]

Add tuna fish to the list.  And raw onions....pickles...olives, chips of any kind.  I taked to him just now about it.  He likes fish, so why not tuna fish?  He said he will try it next time with a little mayo on a sandwich.  Most of the stuff he won't touch isn't that healthy anyway and he will eat brussel sprouts, broccoli, even salad if I make him.  He doesn't like beans but will eat them if I make him.  He just told me he would eat a grasshopper or a nut if he was starving but if he isn't starving he doesn't want either thank you.  ;)

 

He also couldn't tolerate loud noises when he was a baby.....screamed in panic when a jet flew over one time.  Loves loves music but told me he doesn't want to go to a concert because it is too loud.

You can get noise reduction headphones that help.  I got one daughter some as she has auditory defensiveness (a different daughter also going to a ST/SLP).  Nobody bats an eye.  They look like headphones. 

 

I wash dishes with the water running; no dishwater to deal with.

Me, too.  I never knew people did it otherwise until I read some housekeeping book!

[amo_mea_filiis.]

Me, too. I never knew people did it otherwise until I read some housekeeping book!

Same. Even the housekeeping book! Lol.

[Pawz4me]

Regarding dish water -- What about getting him a pair of rubber gloves?  Would that make it less unappealing?

 

FWIW, when I'm washing dishes I change the water frequently if the dishes/pots/pans are very dirty.  Not because of a sensory issue but because of sanitary reasons. Let's face it, the water can get nasty quickly.

[LucyStoner]

You know our son seemed pretty average/typical to us. Then we had a NT kid and we were like whoa! I have no doubt that had our older son been our second child, we would have realized the severity of his needs much sooner. It is not uncommon for only children to be diagnosed with sensory or other issues late compared to kids from larger families.

 

I guess when I realized that all the authoritarian parenting advice would actually result in damage to all involved that I was dealing with something that wasn't a choice or being manipulative. If I want my younger son to try a bite of Lima beans, he will. Not much of a hassle, if at all. If I want my older son to try a Mac and cheese (something he will not touch) he would not try that Mac and Cheese unless physically forced, if even then, and I realized after a brief flirtation with it out of desperation that such force and control (you eat nothing until you eat this! type bs) was far more harmful than not eating the Mac and cheese was. I just save out some noodles for him. Which he then, ever so ironically, sprinkles with CHEESE. Is that so difficult? No. And it shows my son that I care more about him than about controlling him or changing him. There are literally hundreds of other examples along these lines in our lives. Everything from swimming to socks to sausage brands.

 

I press and guide him, gently, to expand his boundaries where it matters. It matters that he learns to be a student since he has college goals. It matters that he learns to cook something he likes to eat and to clean up after himself. It matters that he learns to be a friend and have at least some meaningful relationships. It does not matter to me if he does these things wearing the same type of shoe and subsisting on a diet mainly of apples and, seemingly, photosynthesis and while never learning to swim. And I have much more trust and authority and capital to work with him on the big stuff when I am not making a big deal of the small stuff or categorizing his needs as manipulation.

[bettyandbob]

A person with sensory issues really has his brain wired differently. He does not interpret sensory input the same way a typical person would. It doesn't matter if the sensory input is texture, taste, temperature, smell, sight or hearing. It can all be interpreted completely differently by a person with sensory problems. 

 

My oldest has an IQ which puts him as highly gifted. He was 12 or 13 before he was able to articulate when he was sick. He never knew his head or ear or throat was aching. I'd go to the doctor for something unrelated or because I just had a hunch something wasn't right and the doctor would say "that is the most inflamed ear I've ever seen" and yet my ds would never say his ear hurt. He would be irritable, but he could never tell from where pain emanated. When he was potty training, he never knew he had a bowel movement. Never. He sat in the bathroom with books and it just happened. He wouldn't know when it happened. He wouldn't feel it or smell it. So, for many years the routine was to stay on the toilet for a significant amount of time every night until a parent got him. He read just before his fourth birthday and he just read and read while he waited. Certain clothing made uncomfortable to the point that he could not focus on anything except what was happening against his skin--so he refused to wear the clothing. No amount of discipline could make him wear perfectly good clothing I had purchased--I tried. He started to articulate fabrics he preferred around age 12. 

 

My ds had some issues with food. Not as bad as some people experience. I know somethings would cause him to throw up. 

 

I have friend whose ds mostly eats food that has the texture of baby food and he eats very little of it. He's way behind on growth and way underweight. 

[unsinkable]

Absolutely. My son hates emptying the dishwasher. He hates cleaning the litter box. He isn't always thrilled with every school assignment I give him. But he does all of those things without giving me a hard time at all. He is a very compliant kid otherwise.

 

Well and oddly, he enjoys cooking with me even though he won't even taste most of what he makes or what we make together.

 

He once mentioned wanting to do a 2 week trip on an old fashioned ship (something for kids in middle school around here), but then he wondered if he'd have to eat the traditional foods (hard tack, salt cod, and peas). I said I doubt they serve that, but you won't get to decide what you eat I'm sure. They can't fit all sorts of food on the ship. He was sad because I don't think he could get past that. (Although I think he'd do fine on hard tack and salt cod because he likes fish, salty foods, and plain dried bread...LOL).

My son with sensory issues went to a sports camp. By the 3rd day, he was hungry. 4th day he basically stopped eating. 5th day he couldn't go into the cafeteria bc just being in there made him gag. By now, we were begging him (thru texts) to just keep drinking, Gatorade, chocolate milk, juices, anything with some calories.

 

He looked like a different kid when he got home. He was really tan, really blond, and muscular from all the workouts and starving what little bit of fat he had when he left.

 

He had money for the canteen that he didn't spend because he said...wait for it..."everything was overpriced."

 

When he got home, I took him to Denny's. He ate 1 and 1/2 omelets and 4 pancakes. When he got in the car, he burped and said he wished he had more to eat.

 

Edit to add: from what he could tell me, it was the texture of the camp food that was so horrible. It felt awful in his mouth. And then he was afraid to try anything. And then it got him all anxious and gaggy so he couldn't walk in there.

[Scarlett]

My son is healthy thank heavens and I think he eats plenty to maintain good nutrition.  He is over 6 foot now and weighs 154.  I know his issues are nothing like some I read on this board...or like my cousin that had to be hospitalized...I think he was about 8.  The only thing he would eat for days was a plain baked potato my mom made for him...which solidifies her opinion that he got too much attention for his pickiness and all of that theory.  I don't know...sometimes I feel like there is something to her view of it.  She doesn't coddle at all...but she never forced me to eat or drink anything.

 

My biggest problem is how other people view my ds.  If he is repulsed by something my dh just acts like it is totally ridiculous and so I find myself caught in the middle.....and I have to admit I sometimes have the same sort of frustration toward my ds...but more often than not when it comes to accomodating him I just think 'why not?'  What is the big deal.

 

Rubber gloves is a great idea....I think that would help him.  When my dss12 is here they have a great system.....dss12 washes and ds13 rinses, dries and puts away.  They are both happy with that arrangement.  And honestly I would just as soon wash them when ds12 isn't here as make my son so upset....as someone else said he can help with other things.

 

 

[Scarlett]

You can get noise reduction headphones that help.  I got one daughter some as she has auditory defensiveness (a different daughter also going to a ST/SLP).  Nobody bats an eye.  They look like headphones. 

 

Me, too.  I never knew people did it otherwise until I read some housekeeping book!

 

Until a year ago I had a dishwasher for 25 years.  So washing dishes in a sink is new to us all.  ;)

 

I do wash pots and pans with water running.

[Scarlett]

My son with sensory issues went to a sports camp. By the 3rd day, he was hungry. 4th day he basically stopped eating. 5th day he couldn't go into the cafeteria bc just being in there made him gag. By now, we were begging him (thru texts) to just keep drinking, Gatorade, chocolate milk, juices, anything with some calories.

 

He looked like a different kid when he got home. He was really tan, really blond, and muscular from all the workouts and starving what little bit of fat he had when he left.

 

He had money for the canteen that he didn't spend because he said...wait for it..."everything was overpriced."

 

When he got home, I took him to Denny's. He ate 1 and 1/2 omelets and 4 pancakes. When he got in the car, he burped and said he wished he had more to eat.

 

Edit to add: from what he could tell me, it was the texture of the camp food that was so horrible. It felt awful in his mouth. And then he was afraid to try anything. And then it got him all anxious and gaggy so he couldn't walk in there.

 

 

This sounds very much like how my son would react if he got caught in that loop. (of thinking)

[prairiewindmomma]

Back to the original question, many developmental pediatricians, many occupational therapists, some speech language pathologists who specialize in feeding issues, some psychologists and other professionals all work with spd issues.
 

---------

[maize]

My child with food aversions has always had sensory issues. For several years, he couldn't stand wearing pants. He would wear soft shorts, but his preferance was to wear a night shirt (adult size t-shirt) and boxers. He would put on regular clothes to go out, but the moment we walked in the door at home he would run change back into what was comfortable to him. It was obvious that there was physical discomfort he couldn't just choose to ignore. When I have tried to make him eat something he has an aversion for, he gags on the food in what is clearly not a chosen reflex. Fortunately his aversions are not excessive, it seems to be primarily a texture issue for him. For example, there are several vegetables he willingly eats raw but won't touch if cooked. Having watched his reaction, I have to believe he is not just being stubborn and willful--eating those foods is truly distressing to him.

[Wheres Toto]

With my son it was partially that it started very early - under a year old.  It was also more than just food.  He's sensitive to light - closing his eyes in sunlight; certain noises - hates the sounds of fans, waterfalls and blowers, and some loud noises; won't wear jeans or other stiff clothing - loves soft sweats; would never finger paint and would freak if his hands got messy; and food issues - usually seem to be around texture rather than taste since he eats some foods that are actually pretty spicy.

 

We tried to be strict with food just once.  He went two days without eating anything and I refused to take it any further.

[Joker]

My oldest is my quirky one. Even as a toddler she would spit out ground beef if it was in something. It didn't matter how I disguised it. She is almost 14 now and the only red meat she will eat is chicken fried steak, and that's only the kind I make. She will not eat it prepared by anyone else or when eating out. She hasn't had pork in any form since she was about 3 or 4 years old. She loves pretty much all fish and chicken, though. She also only eats one food at a time. Tonight she had salmon, mashed potatoes, and broccoli. She ate all of the salmon first, then the broccoli, then the mashed potatoes. She has always done this.

 

I don't know if it is any sensory issue. She does have issues with tights/leggings as in won't wear them and even quit ballet at 4 because she refused them. She has problems with some sounds as well, but she's older now and she can deal with them without making it an issue.

 

I just decided when they were very young that food was not going to be something we fought over. If they don't want to eat what I make or don't like it, they are welcome to make themselves something else. They're really good kids even though this was an area I've always allowed them to control.

[Plateau Mama]

A couple of things to keep in mind is everyone has sensory issues. Don't like a certain fabric, sensory issues. Don't like certain smells, sensory issued. It's not really classified as SPD until it starts affecting your daily life. Also, SPD doesn't always involve food, it can involve just noise, just touch, just food. Normally, from what I've seen, it involves more than one area but it doesn't always. The book mentioned earlier is fabulous, everyone should read it IMO.

 

Some ways I knew were:

 

- the slightest touch sent him into fits. He constantly accused people of shoving him.

- every little noise sets him off. A bird chirping outside, a baby crying in the booth next to us, someone taping fingers or feet, humming.

- food, I've already mentioned. Tears, gagging, vomit at even the thought of eating certain foods.

-clothes - once I found a brand/item he'd wear I was golden. If it were discontinued or he outgrew the brand we were in trouble. Right now he will only wear his Boy Scout pants. He wears them every. Single. Day. Socks, took me over a year to find socks he would wear. Even now, he rips them off as soon as he can. I find socks everywhere (including in a snowman). Shoes, I have to buy them at least a size big (and/or wide) or he won't wear them. Getting dressed caused tears every single day until I became OK with wearing the same pants every day.

 

I think the key is, has it always been an issue, is it consistently an issue? If they will eat it/do it for someone else but not you then it's not SPD, it's a control issue.

[Plateau Mama]

Speaking of which. It's been a long time since DS has even tried a vegetable. He wanted one of the mini egg rolls I made. He asked his brother if it had vegetables. Brother said no (of course that was a lie). I didn't say a word. I'm always hoping that one day it'll be magically better or something. Well he took 2 bites. He then threw up! *sigh* He said he doesn't understand it because he thought it tasted good. It just instantly made him hurl.

My son will tell me "Mom I really want to like hamburgers, it would be so much easier, but I just can't do it."

[texasmama]

My picky eating sensory kid threw up at the age of 4 when given a teaspoon of finely chopped broccoli. He will go hungry (still) rather than eat something he doesn't like. He asks his younger brother to try a new food first and tell him if he will like it. Brother is usually right on. Lol

 

He is much more varied in his eating than he was, but he still asks me to blend chunky spaghetti sauce in the food processor or he won't eat it. He recently tried cheesecake and after making himself eat a few bites, he decided he liked it.

 

He is better, but he is still by far my pickiest eater. He had many years of OT for sensory integration issues.

[Mom-ninja.]

When you have a kid with sensory issues you will know. Yeah, cause all that parenting stuff that is supposed to work and that others tell you will fix all your kid's problems.....doesn't.

[Dory]

I stopped forcing food when my oldest was about 4. I got tired of dealing with him crying and throwing up at the table. I encourage him to keep trying things and he is allowed to spit it back out if he hates the feel or flavour of it. At this point there have been a few things that he has outgrown, but he has never, and probably never will, handle things with mixed textures, like soup. He will sometimes pull the veggies and noodles out of soups and eat them separately, but he can't eat it all together. Lasagna is a hard one for him, he is getting old enough that he will tough his way through some of it, but he really struggles not to throw up with it. My youngest doesn't eat anything acidic. No tomatoes, no oranges, nothing slightly lemony, nothing like that. I get it, I struggle with it still.

[Murmer]

Haven't read the whole thing but here is my experience so far.

 

DD is a Sensory Seeker...that means she seeks out sensory input regularly...as a baby everyone told us she was hyper aware...as she aged it didn't matter how much we redirected, timed out ext she HAD to move.  When she had regular input like spinning she did better.  It because obvious that she was not choosing to act out of control it was not manipulative it was a need like breathing for her.

 

DS is not diagnosed with sensory issues but he has always hated tags in his clothes...at age 4 he had a tag burn his back (bad momma for ignoring his constant whining about the shirt but it was required thing for an activity we were doing).  Since he started solid food he would evacuate certain textures like rice or pasta.  He would hide the apple peel in the side of his cheek because he couldn't eat them but didn't want to spit it out on the ground.  Food has been a constant issue...he will starve himself...so we feed him 2x a day a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and for dinner he can sit and watch us eat or choose to eat what we are eating, which never happens.  I figure if this is a game eventually he will eat if it is not (and I truly believe it is not but try to explain that to the doctor) then he is still getting fed 2 meals a day.

[shukriyya]

Have y'all heard of Selective Eating Disorder? It seems to go along with a lot of the examples and experiences being shared on this thread. More info here and here.

[Scarlett]

Thanks everyone....you have been a big help.

[Loowit]

My middle child was diagnosed with sensory integration disorder a few years ago.  I started to notice it when he was quite young, but it became especially apparent when he started preschool.  He is both a sensory seeker and a sensory avoider.  He hates going barefoot.  My MIL tried to get him to go barefoot at the beach for pictures and he cried and cried.  Bright lights hurt his eyes.  Last eye exam had him in tears.  He seeks out certain things to feel.  He loves my hair for instance and will play with it, pet it for hours if I would let him.  Before I knew what was going on it drove me batty and I would have to hide for a few mintues to escape.  Now I know that he needs to redirect his sensory seeking.  He has a rice tray that is a huge help along with other things that help him center himself.  Loud noises are hard for him.  At many church services, dance recitals, movies, etc. he is hiding and covering his ears.  It took years to find a setting on the shower so he didn't feel pain when the water hit him.  I feel so fortunate that his sensory issues don't extend to foods.  He doesn't eat a wide variety of food, but there is not one food group he refuses.

 

I have met a few doctors that didn't believe that DS had these sensory issues.  They tended to write them off as him being diffcult or exagerating.  But when we got his evaluation with a developmental pediatrician she was able to explain it to us in a way the really helped DH and I both understand that he is wired different.  The biggest help for us was him going through occupational therapy to teach us methods to help him because his sensory issues were very much making his days harder and interferring with him being able to learn and concentrate during shcool time but also at scouts and other recreation time.

 

I know that many of my family members don't think that it is real and that he is just being difficult.  It makes it hard when people don't get it.

[Jenny in Florida]

Have y'all heard of Selective Eating Disorder? It seems to go along with a lot of the examples and experiences being shared on this thread. More info here and here.

 

That second link is especially helpful, thank you!

 

My daughter has some food issues that seem to represent a mild-ish form of SED. She functions quite well as long as she can mostly do her own thing with food, and most of her accepted foods are fairly healthy. But her range is more limited than would be ideal. And she will go hungry rather than eat something outside of that limited selection.

 

For example: The summer she went away to camp, she subsisted for three weeks on plain, dry bagels, orange juice and rice. And during her first semester away at school, she lost 25 pounds because she did not have reasonably convenient access to acceptable foods.

 

She, too, avoids social situations that include eating as an integral part of the interaction. She will meet friends for coffee, for example, but discourages or skips meet-ups in restaurants for actual meals (unless she is able to select a place with which she is familiar that she knows is "safe").

 

By comparison, my son really likes food and enjoys trying new things. His selections are still somewhat limited by the fact that we are vegans, and he does have certain food groups he avoids (nuts, most kinds of legumes), but he actively seeks out new things to try. Going out to a restaurant to eat is one of his favorite activities, and much of his socializing takes place around food.

 

My daughter has some other sensory issues, although many of them seem to have lessened as she's gotten older. I like to think that she copes as well as she does in part because we've never made a big deal about any of this and simply focused on helping her find work arounds and solutions. For example, when she was between six and nine years old, she was absolutely miserable trying to wear any clothing that was tight around her waist. I bought her a variety of pants, trying to find something that would be acceptable, but the best we could do was sweat pants worn so loosely that they nearly fell off when she moved. Finally, after some experimentation, we discovered that she was happiest wearing t-shirt dresses (the kind you make by cutting off the bottom of a t-shirt and sewing on matching fabric). So, we turned it into a project we did together, selecting supplies for each season's new dresses. We made long-sleeved dresses with flannel skirts for cooler weather, sleeveless ones with light cotton skirts for summer, etc. She wore pretty much nothing but those for two years, until we discovered that she would also tolerate overalls. Eventually, things began to ease, and she began experimenting with knit and elastic-waisted pants and skirts, and by the time she was 12 or 13, she was wearing jeans and pretty much whatever she wanted.

 

Similarly, she struggles anxiety in several ways. These problems tend to worsen when anyone tries to force her outside her boundaries.

[Alice]

A couple of things to keep in mind is everyone has sensory issues. Don't like a certain fabric, sensory issues. Don't like certain smells, sensory issued. It's not really classified as SPD until it starts affecting your daily life. 

 

I think this is a really important point. It’s what I tell people about many different issues/disorders: OCD, ADHD, sensory issues, fears/anxiety. Everyone has some characteristics of them. The point that it becomes a disorder in my mind is when it starts negatively impacting your life and the lives of those around you. 

 

I think that’s why there is a lot of confusion about these kinds of issues and why some people think it’s just that parents need to try a little harder to fix it. Have a kid with ADHD? Someone will point out their kid who is super active and fidgety and not understand why your child needs medication. The difference may be that their naturally fidgety active kid can turn it off where your kid cannot. People then think it’s discipline or that you just haven’t found the right fix yet but it’s really that it’s a difference of magnitude. I like to describe it as a spectrum to people. Everyone has some problem paying attention sometimes. Some people have a little more problem. And some people have a lot more problems because of the way their brain is wired. Same idea for sensory issues or fears/anxiety or OCD or whatever. 

[texasmama]

I think this is a really important point. It’s what I tell people about many different issues/disorders: OCD, ADHD, sensory issues, fears/anxiety. Everyone has some characteristics of them. The point that it becomes a disorder in my mind is when it starts negatively impacting your life and the lives of those around you. 

 

I think that’s why there is a lot of confusion about these kinds of issues and why some people think it’s just that parents need to try a little harder to fix it. Have a kid with ADHD? Someone will point out their kid who is super active and fidgety and not understand why your child needs medication. The difference may be that their naturally fidgety active kid can turn it off where your kid cannot. People then think it’s discipline or that you just haven’t found the right fix yet but it’s really that it’s a difference of magnitude. I like to describe it as a spectrum to people. Everyone has some problem paying attention sometimes. Some people have a little more problem. And some people have a lot more problems because of the way their brain is wired. Same idea for sensory issues or fears/anxiety or OCD or whatever. 

YES!

 

I have found much ignorance regarding my SPD kid, particularly in dh's family.  It was long the lines of "If you just put your foot down, he would not be this way."  I have also experienced the very common thinking among well-meaning people who just didn't understand because they had not personally experienced it that "kids will eat if they are hungry".  Nope, not all kids.  And I won't let my SPD kid go hungry.  I also will not require him to eat things that make him vomit. What is the point of that, really? 

 

As I said, his diet has expanded greatly, and he is wiling to try things now.  He tried a homecanned pear this morning.  He just put his tongue/mouth on it.  He said it tasted good, but he didn't like the texture.  I'm fine with that.  He does not have to eat pears.  Lots of people live their entire life not eating pears.  Eat apples and bananas instead.  No big deal.

 

The bottom line is that most of the people who are unhelpful really have no idea what they are talking about.

[shukriyya]

That second link is especially helpful, thank you!

 

My daughter has some food issues that seem to represent a mild-ish form of SED. She functions quite well as long as she can mostly do her own thing with food, and most of her accepted foods are fairly healthy. But her range is more limited than would be ideal. And she will go hungry rather than eat something outside of that limited selection.

 

For example: The summer she went away to camp, she subsisted for three weeks on plain, dry bagels, orange juice and rice. And during her first semester away at school, she lost 25 pounds because she did not have reasonably convenient access to acceptable foods.

 

She, too, avoids social situations that include eating as an integral part of the interaction. She will meet friends for coffee, for example, but discourages or skips meet-ups in restaurants for actual meals (unless she is able to select a place with which she is familiar that she knows is "safe").

 

By comparison, my son really likes food and enjoys trying new things. His selections are still somewhat limited by the fact that we are vegans, and he does have certain food groups he avoids (nuts, most kinds of legumes), but he actively seeks out new things to try. Going out to a restaurant to eat is one of his favorite activities, and much of his socializing takes place around food.

 

My daughter has some other sensory issues, although many of them seem to have lessened as she's gotten older. I like to think that she copes as well as she does in part because we've never made a big deal about any of this and simply focused on helping her find work arounds and solutions. For example, when she was between six and nine years old, she was absolutely miserable trying to wear any clothing that was tight around her waist. I bought her a variety of pants, trying to find something that would be acceptable, but the best we could do was sweat pants worn so loosely that they nearly fell off when she moved. Finally, after some experimentation, we discovered that she was happiest wearing t-shirt dresses (the kind you make by cutting off the bottom of a t-shirt and sewing on matching fabric). So, we turned it into a project we did together, selecting supplies for each season's new dresses. We made long-sleeved dresses with flannel skirts for cooler weather, sleeveless ones with light cotton skirts for summer, etc. She wore pretty much nothing but those for two years, until we discovered that she would also tolerate overalls. Eventually, things began to ease, and she began experimenting with knit and elastic-waisted pants and skirts, and by the time she was 12 or 13, she was wearing jeans and pretty much whatever she wanted.

 

Similarly, she struggles anxiety in several ways. These problems tend to worsen when anyone tries to force her outside her boundaries.

 

This whole post sings of love and gentle acceptance and creativity. It's heartening to read of how you (without judgement) and your daughter together found your way through what for her, must have been difficult issues for both of you--you as her mom having to watch your daughter struggle and her as the one who had to navigate the various anxieties.

 

 

[Cera]

I think many, many kids who are labeled "sensory" by their parents are picky because their parents give in.  I personally know quite a few that obviously fall into that category.  I do believe that some kids have true sensory issues though.  My brother did.  

 

The difference was obvious.  The foods he would eat were not just junk (some of them were but there were also fruits and veggies as well as basics like grilled chicken).  Additionally his aversions were clearly due to the characteristics of the food itself, not the actual food item (he wouldn't eat slimy or mushy foods or foods with a sharp smell..such as vinegar based, mustard, etc).

 

 

[SweetMissMagnolia]

I didn't know it was called sensory issues back when my kiddo was really little--he HATED socks and shoes...to the point of we would be ready to go and it would be a fight to get him to wear any socks/shoes--we would make it to the car and he would already have them pulled off before we could back out of the driveway......don't remember the age exactly but it was around toddler age I guess---then it got to be where he could vocalize that it was the socks hurting his feet....he would wear them wrong side out or no socks at all...our solution flip flops.....we have gone to the store in cooler weather many times when he has been in flip flops and we've gotten strange looks from people.....now socks doesn't bother him---it's food textures.......hoping this too shall pass.....

[bettyandbob]

My posts in the other thread last night got deleted because I got so angry and I was not nice. And now there is a similar post here making me mad. 

 

That's right there are not dc with special needs. It is all bad parenting. 

 

Just because it works with your dc in your house does not mean you can apply it to a different dc. You do not know what is going on with the kid who is antsy or having a tantrum, so don't judge. 

[texasmama]

I think many, many kids who are labeled "sensory" by their parents are picky because their parents give in.  I personally know quite a few that obviously fall into that category.  I do believe that some kids have true sensory issues though.  My brother did.  

 

The difference was obvious.  The foods he would eat were not just junk (some of them were but there were also fruits and veggies as well as basics like grilled chicken).  Additionally his aversions were clearly due to the characteristics of the food itself, not the actual food item (he wouldn't eat slimy or mushy foods or foods with a sharp smell..such as vinegar based, mustard, etc).

This is unhelpful.  This is just what those of us who have kids with sensory issues are talking about.  It is blaming the parent for a congenital neurological difference. 

 

Maybe there are people labeling kids "sensory" when they are not.  I've not ever met any of them.  I've only met people who struggle to parent kids with clear neurological differences.  More power to these folks.  It is a hard road!

[texasmama]

I'm with you Betty.  I'm biting my fingers....

I bit something else.

[busymama7]

Regarding dish water -- What about getting him a pair of rubber gloves? Would that make it less unappealing?

 

FWIW, when I'm washing dishes I change the water frequently if the dishes/pots/pans are very dirty. Not because of a sensory issue but because of sanitary reasons. Let's face it, the water can get nasty quickly.

Sorry to hijack but don't you guys pre rinse? I rinse and stack all hand washables before running the water so I'm just soaping them up and getting off anything stuck. If there was a lot of dishes I may need to change the water but on a normal day, no. There are no food particles in my water. All the food(essentially) was off the dishes first. This is really fascinating to me ;) who knew there were so many ways to wash dishes!

[Pawz4me]

Sorry to hijack but don't you guys pre rinse? I rinse and stack all hand washables before running the water so I'm just soaping them up and getting off anything stuck. If there was a lot of dishes I may need to change the water but on a normal day, no. There are no food particles in my water. All the food(essentially) was off the dishes first. This is really fascinating to me ;) who knew there were so many ways to wash dishes!

 

Yes, I pre-rinse.  But as SparklyUnicorn said, the only things I usually hand wash are pots and pans, cutting boards and knives, etc.  The pots and pans often have stuck on bits that aren't helped much by a pre-rinse.

[busymama7]

Yes, I pre-rinse. But as SparklyUnicorn said, the only things I usually hand wash are pots and pans, cutting boards and knives, etc. The pots and pans often have stuck on bits that aren't helped much by a pre-rinse.

I soak the actual pan, sometimes removing from the sink(while full of hot water) to leave room for working on the other dishes. We went over a year as a family of ten with no dishwasher. So the pans etc would soak while washing everything else(starting with glasses). We would often change the water due to it cooling as it took so long. Now with a dishwasher we often wash a pan or two without filling the sink but if there is more than that, then the pre rinse/or soak method works to keep the actual dish water clean ;) I have seen people dump dishes straight from the table into a sink of hot soapy water but I've never done that :( grosses me out.

[DawnM]

I don't think anyone here is labeling their kid just to get sympathy.

 

Many of us know our kids have sensory issues.....because it isn't just in food!  It is lighting, sounds, clothing with tags or belts, etc....

 

Oh, and most of us have a diagnosis from professional testing.

 

 

I think many, many kids who are labeled "sensory" by their parents are picky because their parents give in.  I personally know quite a few that obviously fall into that category.  I do believe that some kids have true sensory issues though.  My brother did.  

 

The difference was obvious.  The foods he would eat were not just junk (some of them were but there were also fruits and veggies as well as basics like grilled chicken).  Additionally his aversions were clearly due to the characteristics of the food itself, not the actual food item (he wouldn't eat slimy or mushy foods or foods with a sharp smell..such as vinegar based, mustard, etc).

 

[Scarlett]

I pre rinse.

 

I really need a dishwasher.

 

It seems like there are a lot more kids with these type of problems in the last few years. I can see where some people think some of it is discipline related. That isn't to say anyone one here is like that. I have no idea.

 

I do know that the less I talk about ds' s quirks the better he does. My cousin who ended up in the hospital....his parents seemed to feed his issues. Every gathering the mom would announce, oh he won't eat that. And my best friend whose son is so picky.... when he was little she just let him eat whatever he wanted. Pop tarts for breakfast, chips for dinner. Briefly when she was diagnosed with cancer she became interested in nutrition and tried forcing him to eat a few healthy things and he threw up so she gave up. I do believe many many kids would be more open to new and healthy foods if they had less access to junk food.

 

Thus my original question....how do you know? I don't think there is a good answer. I just fear I am doing my son a disservice if I don't work, kindly and with compassionately to help him fit into the world in which he lives.

[inmyopinion]

My son has mild SPD and I could see that he was not trying to be a bugger but things really affected him.  Also, he would do what I asked 99.9% of the time so the times he "could not" handle something it was clear he was not doing it on purpose.  After one huge blow out over sweet potato fries (not my finest moment) he looked at me and said he was sorry but he just couldn't eat them and he was crying so pathetically I knew he meant it.