A neighbor called my kids "wild" this morning :(

[brownie]

We were taking our 9AM scooter ride/walk around the block before we sat down to do math.  It helps them settle down for school.  We passed a neighbor I sort of know but haven't really spoken to in years.  She lives at the opposite end of the street and she is probably 60 years old.  She said "You've got some wild kids there."  Now meanwhile I had been relishing the giggling and friendship I was hearing between the two boys.  It was not any louder than giggling should be.  I have been correcting them when they get too loud because it does make me anxious that they're playful yelling would draw neighbors to their windows during school hours.  I explain that it is important we help give homeschoolers a good reputation and on our best behavior when out and about during school hours.

 

At first I just laughed it off, but as I continued walking started getting upset.  Wild? If she had said I have my hands full that wouldn't have bothered me.  After all, I do feel like I have my hands full.  My calling as a mother is a busy one and an important one.  But wild rubbed me the wrong way.  Maybe she only raised girls.  Maybe it was a commentary on the fact that they should have been in school.  Maybe she's seen them before and it was a commentary on previous behavior.  I don't know but I have been irritable about it the rest of the day, wondering what I did to deserve that comment.  I do not often get negative comments about homeschooling so I am not used to it.  I did think I heard her say something about school to her companion before she spoke to me, but it may have been my imagination.

 

I thought about snarky responses about how far ahead my kids are thanks to homeschooling.

I thought about saying at least they are not learning about oral *ex at the 3rd grade lunch table from the other boys (which did happen at our school).  The look on her face would be priceless I'm sure.

I thought about pointing out that my kids are successful athletically, musically and socially, as well as academically.

 

And then I thought about inviting her over to see what we actually do...which filled me with dread and I don't know that I'd ever have the guts to do it because my kids are far from perfect, as is my housekeeping.  But it would probably be the appropriate response.  Hopefully it doesn't come up because I may not see her again for a year!

 

But I needed to get my frustration off my chest, and this is the only place I could really do it...so thanks for listening :)

 

[kitten18]

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

[swellmomma]

Tone is everything but based on the words she said I would say it was a passing comment not intended to be rude.  Rude is the day I was screamed at that I need to keep my kids on a leash rather than letting them play out of the yard (yes comparing my children to dogs), a passing " you have some wild kids there" is nothing.  No different than saying "wow what a little monkey you have there" upon seeing your child up a tree.  Nothing foul meant, just an idle comment.  To me it was simply an old woman commenting on happy active kids.  She didn't tell you to get your wild children under control or anything else to make it seem she meant anything other than a friendly comment.  You are taking it way too personally.

[houseofkids&pets]

:grouphug: Maybe she meant it in a harmless way?? I think it is wonderful that your sons have a close bond and enjoy giggling together.  Some people just make small talk and it comes out the wrong way, YKWIM.  By the way, I call my own sons wild.  They crave movement and are noisy and absolutely curious about everything around them.  Fun is their middle name!  So, I don't necessarily consider wild to be an insult. Now, if the neighbor had said they were rude, obnoxious, disrepectful, etc., then I would worry. You would know if they were out of control, and it doesn't sound like they were. Do not feel the need to justify going out for a walk by having this person in your home to see what you do. You have nothing to prove.

[brownie]

I hope it was just a passing comment, but it seemed rude.  And I am oversensitive, because I worry about my kids' behavior, which is why I then start wondering if something is off between my perception of my kids and others' perception of my kids. 

[brownie]

I hope it was just a passing comment, but it seemed rude.  And I am oversensitive, because I worry about my kids' behavior.  I am not content with how my kids behave overall...seriously a work in progress.  Which is why I then start wondering if something is off between my perception of my kids and others' perception of my kids. 

[MissKNG]

My neighbor (right next door) told me that my girls were "not normal" because of their super high energy levels. So I feel for ya.

[WishboneDawn]

Honestly, that's the kind off thing that wouldn't even register with me. I'd probably laugh as you did, and forget about it.

 

Why put the time into getting upset about what you think someone might have meant by one comment?

[RkyMtnMom]

I think I would take it as just a comment. Two young boys out on their scooters laughing probably does seem wild to a 65 year old lady. I think I would just remember that some older folks say things differently, smile at her and leave it at that. Just neighborly small talk. And I think I would make a point to say hi to her and if you know her name, have the boys greet her with a "Good morning Mrs _________," when they walk by, just to give the best impression that you can.

[Mom2TheTeam]

I hope it was just a passing comment, but it seemed rude.  And I am oversensitive, because I worry about my kids' behavior, which is why I then start wondering if something is off between my perception of my kids and others' perception of my kids. 

 

I'm the same way.  But, it seems that I perceive my children as misbehaving when others think they are being well behaved.  :001_huh:  I'm sure the reason I perceive them as misbehaving is because it takes effort to have child who are behaving.  With 6 who are 7 and under, if we are out of the house, it's a lot of constant effort on my part and sometimes stressful. I'm sure that makes me think they are acting up when they really just being kids.  Oops!  But, the point is, it makes me overly sensitive to any comments about my children's behavior also.  So, I understand what you mean.

 

I'm sorry she said that.  I can definitely see others thinking it might be a harmless comment.  It may have been.  I would have taken it the way you did and stewed about it feeling insulted like you are.  But, at the end of the day, I have 5 boys...young in my case...they are wild and crazy and totally awesome.  :hurray:  Unless people have boys (and by boys, I mean at least 2, but usually 3+), I find they don't really understand how young boys are.  They are silly, energetic, very active, loud and full of laughter and life.  They definitely can be wild...wild and wonderful!! A house full of boys is a house full of crazy fun, never a dull moment or a day without laughter invoking silly jokes.  I love having boys.  :wub:   If other people don't get it, that's fine.  I'll happily enjoy my wild boys and hope a little of it rubs off on me.  ;)

 

(This is not to say that girls aren't fun or that I love my one girl any less than the boys.  Girls are very different and it's a different atmosphere. They have their wonderful qualities too, but this post is about boys. :)) 

[helena]

I lovingly call my kids wild all the time. I would assume the best case scenario, especially since you rarely interact with her.

 

Try not to let her shake you.  :grouphug:

[Coco_Clark]

Im honestly shocked that comment could be taken sensitively. Maybe it's because I have three boys but my kids have to be called "wild" on a weekly basis. They are! They are rough and tumble, tree climbing, healthy, active little boys.

 

I suppose if my kids were misbehaving at the time and called "wild" in a sneering sort of way I could see someone taking offence. But two boys laughing and scootering down the street? Im sure she meant it in the best possible way. Its a common word for normal boy behavior.

 

Saying this gently, it sounds like you are VERY sensitive about homeschooling "it does make me anxious their playful yelling will draw neighbors to the window during school hours", "its important we give homeschoolers a good reputation", "I think I heard her say something about school to her companion", a llong list of snarky retorts about how much better homeschooling is, and an invitation to come see what you are doing? All over being called "wild" in a very passing manner? You might be so keyed and ready to be doubted that you are reading into nothing.

[Mom22ns]

If I called your boys wild, I would mean full of energy and life. Unless it was said in a rude tone, I would not have meant anything negative. If I told you, you had your hands full, I would be saying their behavior was challenging. That would be more negative to me than wild. I'm sorry it hurt you, but I think you need to give her and yourself a break on this one.

[MomatHWTK]

Beyond just the passing comment this morning- Own who you are.  You don't represent all of homeschooling you are just a family doing what you think is best for your kids.  So what if they are wild?  So what if they don't behave perfectly?  Have you been out shopping or in any public place lately? Lots of kids and adults don't behave!  Relax.  If there are areas where you specifically feel a need to improve, work on those areas because you want to and not because of what someone else might think.  Otherwise you will burn yourself out on the 'please others' wheel. 

 

I find myself falling into the 'but he/she thinks I should...' trap often.  I have to put a stop to that thinking quickly or it sucks all the joy out of my life. ;)

 

[Jean in Newcastle]

I call my kids hooligans, wild ones etc.  I'm not dissing them.  It is just light-hearted humor.  The woman's comment wouldn't even be on my radar.  

[Arcadia]

It depends on your neighborhood.  My neighborhood is quiet from 8am to 5-6pm.  Noise is more common between 7-11pm.  So noise would "irritate" even the adults in their twenties.  The first service apartment we stayed was hyper quiet too.  The second one was relatively noisy and my kids noise just blend into the background.

Its just not worth getting annoyed or upset about.

[alisoncooks]

My neighbor (right next door) told me that my girls were "not normal" because of their super high energy levels. So I feel for ya.

 

As another mom of 2 girls with "super high energy levels", I'd have to say:  How rude! (in my best Stephanie from Full House voice...)

[brownie]

OK - I'm feeling better - thanks :)  I especially appreciate thinking about "wild" in a positive way.  I don't usually use the word as anything but negative, but it's nice to put a positive spin on it.  I AM proud my boys are active and energetic!  I wish they would play outside MORE, not less!  So I am moving on.  I am a bit (lot) hormonal today and dh is traveling :(  On edge and hoping to feel a little more confident tomorrow!

Brownie

[laundrycrisis]

Don't spend time worrying about what this lady thinks of your or your kids, or how to influence her opinion.  It doesn't matter !  She's welcome to think whatever she wants and it does not need to matter.  Others are welcome to their opinions - just live your life :)

 

...

 

And then I thought about inviting her over to see what we actually do...which filled me with dread and I don't know that I'd ever have the guts to do it because my kids are far from perfect, as is my housekeeping.  But it would probably be the appropriate response.  Hopefully it doesn't come up because I may not see her again for a year!

 

 

[MissKNG]

 

As another mom of 2 girls with "super high energy levels", I'd have to say:  How rude! (in my best Stephanie from Full House voice...)

 

 

She was being mean about it too. I don't go out of my way to speak to her. It's not a nice relationship between us. She got offended when another friend and I went out to lunch without her. That is her excuse for not liking me.

[boscopup]

Not hearing the tone it was said in, it sounds like "active, energetic boys", rather than "uncontrolled mannerless beasts". :)

 

My boys are wild sometimes. I call them wild. They are being active, not bad... unless I tell them they're being "too wild". ;)

[Sahamamama]

I'm the same way.  But, it seems that I perceive my children as misbehaving when others think they are being well behaved.  :001_huh:  I'm sure the reason I perceive them as misbehaving is because it takes effort to have child who are behaving.  With 6 who are 7 and under, if we are out of the house, it's a lot of constant effort on my part and sometimes stressful. I'm sure that makes me think they are acting up when they really just being kids.  Oops!  But, the point is, it makes me overly sensitive to any comments about my children's behavior also.  So, I understand what you mean.

 

I'm sorry she said that.  I can definitely see others thinking it might be a harmless comment.  It may have been.  I would have taken it the way you did and stewed about it feeling insulted like you are.  But, at the end of the day, I have 5 boys...young in my case...they are wild and crazy and totally awesome.  :hurray:  Unless people have boys (and by boys, I mean at least 2, but usually 3+), I find they don't really understand how young boys are.  They are silly, energetic, very active, loud and full of laughter and life.  They definitely can be wild...wild and wonderful!! A house full of boys is a house full of crazy fun, never a dull moment or a day without laughter invoking silly jokes.  I love having boys.  :wub:   If other people don't get it, that's fine.  I'll happily enjoy my wild boys and hope a little of it rubs off on me.  ;)

 

(This is not to say that girls aren't fun or that I love my one girl any less than the boys.  Girls are very different and it's a different atmosphere. They have their wonderful qualities too, but this post is about boys. :)) 

 

This made me LOL.

 

Years ago, when my oldest (now nearly 9) was about three years old, we were at a friend's house with other friends. They all had boys -- LOTS of boys. I think, in total, there were about 12 boys under the age of five, all running back and forth, jumping on and over furniture, "shooting" each other with light sabers and loud noises. My prim and proper little daughter sat with me on the sofa with her ruffles and curls and said in a hushed voice, "Mommy, please don't ever leave me here." I promised I wouldn't do such a thing. ;)

 

A few minutes passed, she tugged on my sleeve and said, "Mommy, are we planning to have some of these?" 

 

It was hilarious. Those "wild" boys certainly made an impression that day! She went home grateful for twin baby sisters. :)

 

I agree with you, though, boys are wild and wonderful!

[Peaceful Isle]

Sounds like something crotchety old people say.

Totally agree. What happened to, "if you don't have anything nice to say...."

Maybe she had a headache, who knows. Love on your boys, they sound awesome. :-)

[abba12]

My grandma would say that, she forever goes on about how my kids are trouble and how I'm going to be in for it when the little one is walking/talking/whatever.

 

She means it completely affectionately. She adores my kids, and she actually thinks I am too strict in disciplining them. She thinks children SHOULD have an inquisitive, 'trouble making' streak.

 

So I would have taken the comment as a compliment on my obviously happy, energetic kiddos.

[DragonFaerie]

I would take it as positive (see my siggy; lol) and respond, "Yeah, they're great, aren't they?!"  She can either agree with you or be totally perplexed by your response.  Fun for you either way! :D

[In The Great White North]

OK - I'm feeling better - thanks I especially appreciate thinking about "wild" in a positive way. I don't usually use the word as anything but negative, but it's nice to put a positive spin on it. I AM proud my boys are active and energetic! I wish they would play outside MORE, not less! So I am moving on. I am a bit (lot) hormonal today and dh is traveling On edge and hoping to feel a little more confident tomorrow!

Brownie

 

Exactly! Take it as a compliment! My kids were not mesmerized by the TV or exhausted by unrealistic sleep schedules and poor eating habits. They were healthy, happy, energetic, creative and, usually, loud. Life was good.

 

They're mostly grown up now and the house is definitely quieter.

[mamajag]

I wouldn't take it personally. She was probably just making conversation in a clumsy way. Or at least that's how I choose to see it.

[Mommy22alyns]

From the description you give of your boys, she probably would have said the same thing to my girls, who are the same ages!  Of course kids are going to talk and giggle!

 

But I would not give snarky responses or invite her over.  

[zoobie]

I wouldn't take it personally. She was probably just making conversation in a clumsy way. Or at least that's how I choose to see it.

If she said it with a smile or otherwise pleasant demeanor, I agree. I have retrieved the wrong word when I'm talking sometimes. I try to add others that are more positive, but there's not always time. So go with wild = boisterous, happy, fun kiddos! :)

[Kelly1730]

I prefer the term "lively":) I wouldn't worry about it, maybe she was just trying to make conversation, maybe not. Either way, shouldn't let it bother you.

[2_girls_mommy]

Honestly, that is the kind of thing that would have made me smile and comment something to the effect of, " Yep, we are out to ride off some of the energy!" and moved on.  I would have thought of it as a friendly comment, really.

[brownie]

Thank you for the suggested responses.  I'm such a nitwit when it comes to responding in situation like this.  I just smiled and laughed.  No clue how to respond without sounding rude. 

[2_girls_mommy]

That was totally appropriate.  Don't let it bug you.  It doesn't sound like she meant anything rude (by only this one comment, anyway.)

[thebacabunch]

So not worth your time worrying about it.  Also, don't eat your heart out worrying that you need to give a good impression of homeschooling.  Not their business and not your job. 

 

I only care about kids loudly swearing in the street, throwing things, or destroying property.  Otherwise society as gotten a little used to the neighborhood being quiet cause most kids are inside glued to something electric.  I love funny, loud, giggling boys. 

[LaCEmom]

Glad you're feeling a bit better about it. I have boys with high energy levels too, but unless someone is very obviously rude, I just let any *comments* roll off my back. I prefer to think that people are just not always as thoughtful with their wording as they could be and that every person who acknowledges my children isn't necessarily passing judgement on them. Maybe I'm wrong, but that's what I tell myself. :)

[mama27]

OK - I'm feeling better - thanks :)  I especially appreciate thinking about "wild" in a positive way.  I don't usually use the word as anything but negative, but it's nice to put a positive spin on it.  I AM proud my boys are active and energetic!  I wish they would play outside MORE, not less!  So I am moving on.  I am a bit (lot) hormonal today and dh is traveling :(  On edge and hoping to feel a little more confident tomorrow!

Brownie

Maybe they don't play outside as often because you've been too concerned with what the neighbors think a nd won't just let them be boys outside. They should be able to yell and holler and be free outside. It's their yard too.

[mama27]

This made me LOL.

 

Years ago, when my oldest (now nearly 9) was about three years old, we were at a friend's house with other friends. They all had boys -- LOTS of boys. I think, in total, there were about 12 boys under the age of five, all running back and forth, jumping on and over furniture, "shooting" each other with light sabers and loud noises. My prim and proper little daughter sat with me on the sofa with her ruffles and curls and said in a hushed voice, "Mommy, please don't ever leave me here." I promised I wouldn't do such a thing. ;)

 

A few minutes passed, she tugged on my sleeve and said, "Mommy, are we planning to have some of these?" 

 

It was hilarious. Those "wild" boys certainly made an impression that day! She went home grateful for twin baby sisters. :)

 

I agree with you, though, boys are wild and wonderful!

LOL

[MissKNG]

Honestly, I rather have "wild", super, super, duper, duper active kids instead of kids that sit on the couch all day.

[mom2bee]

@OP A big hug to you! Being judged is never fun.

 

Perhaps you could practice responding to those type of "double entendre" comments with a confused but polite smile and say "Wow, is that a good thing or a bad thing?" That way if the person is being rude/negative then they can stammer and stutter like the idiot they are being and try and figure their way out of it? (Calling snide people out on their nasty comments is a nice way to send them scurrying) OR if they are just careless with word choice but meant no harm, they could offer up their explanation and you can both laugh it off.

[JennW in SoCal]

OK.  I'm totally depressed now.  

 

 She lives at the opposite end of the street and she is probably 60 years old.  

 

 To me it was simply an old woman commenting on happy active kids. 

 

I think I would take it as just a comment. Two young boys out on their scooters laughing probably does seem wild to a 65 year old lady.

 

Sounds like something crotchety old people say. 

 

Jeez. I'm closing in on 60.  Interesting how we are all so sensitive about how our darling children are perceived in the world but blithely lump anyone with a few wrinkles as crotchety and old.  Time for me to get put out to pasture, I guess!!

 

For the record, I might use the word wild, with a smile on my face, when I see moms with active young boys.  It would be meant very fondly because, even though I'm on the wrong side of 50, it wasn't so very long ago that my boys were active and busy. 

 

[Annie Laurie]

I'll differ from what other people are saying, and say that I do think wild has negative connotations. I would have just smiled and said "No, not really." Playing on their scooter isn't being wild, it's just playing.

 

But it's also true that you can't let the opinion of others concern you, and I wouldn't take their opinions to heart or worry about it, for your own peace of mind. Hugs.

[swellmomma]

OK.  I'm totally depressed now.  

 

 

 

 

 

Jeez. I'm closing in on 60.  Interesting how we are all so sensitive about how our darling children are perceived in the world but blithely lump anyone with a few wrinkles as crotchety and old.  Time for me to get put out to pasture, I guess!!

 

For the record, I might use the word wild, with a smile on my face, when I see moms with active young boys.  It would be meant very fondly because, even though I'm on the wrong side of 50, it wasn't so very long ago that my boys were active and busy. 

 

Well my dad is turning 60 in April.  He has 5 grandkids, virtually no hair and what he has is white as can be etc.  He is old.  No one said put old people out to pasture, but he is old.  He is running for city counsel now, so clearly not ready to be put out to pasture but he is clearly old.  His "baby" turned 30 this month. It was eons ago that his own son was active and busy it seems.  Now that said he still would have meant it kindly, in a grampa sort of way, but he would still be seen as the old man walking down the street commenting like that. 

 

 

ETA: I just realized how many times I used the word old lol yes I think my folks are old.  But then again I think I am getting old so it's all good.

[LeslieAnneLevine]

Jenn, both of my parents are over 60 and I don't think of either of them as old. They are not old.

 

I think it's a matter of attitude. Maybe it seemed to some PPs that the neighbor was complaining about kids, thus acting old. My mom's stepdad acted old and crotchety all his life. 

[MFG]

60 is the cut off for old? Since when? The closer I get to 60, the further back that cut off seems. It's at 80 about now.

I think it is funny when I read various posts on here and think, "Where did all these fuddy duddies come from"? In some ways I think younger now than I did when my children were young.

[brownie]

I wasn't implying 60 was old in my post :) but it does mean she doesn't have young children at home, which is why I estimated her age :)  My parents are in their 60's.  But there is a certain tendency to get more set in your ways as you age.  I've noticed it happening with my parents as well and they seem more inflexible, but not old. It baffles me that my own dad  is almost 70.  When I was young I thought that was SO old.  :( Brownie

[mom2bee]

I wasn't implying 60 was old in my post :) but it does mean she doesn't have young children at home, which is why I estimated her age :)  My parents are in their 60's.  But there is a certain tendency to get more set in your ways as you age.  I've noticed it happening with my parents as well and they seem more inflexible, but not old. It baffles me that my own dad  is almost 70.  When I was young I thought that was SO old.  :( Brownie

 

Maybe its a cultural/regional thing but I know several people in their late 50's and beyond who are raising small kids. Everything from adoption to fostering to just being prominent in their grandchild or neighbor kids lives. I have a cousin about my age who was raised by our grandma from about 1 yo. She raised him until she died when he was about 12.

 

Many of my friends were raised by their grandparents or in a couple of cases, great grand parents. Just because someone is in their 60s or 70s I don't assume that they aren't raising or prominent adults in the lives of some young child.

 

I used to think that 25 was old and that 30 was near dead. Now, I ardently hope that I was wrong....

 

[ondreeuh]

This is what I tell myself when I go through the same kind of self-doubt and questioning when I feel like I've been judged:

 

This person does not understand me, and I do not need him/her to.

I do not need this person's approval.

This person saw a brief window into my life, and his/her perception is clouded by his/her own experiences.

I am not responsible for making this person feel validated.

I am not going to change what I do because of random criticism.

I only accept advice from those who I trust.

 

Take a deep breath and let it go. She may have not really meant anything by it, but even if she did, don't let it affect you. She's just someone with a poor choice of words or poorly-working filter. That's her problem, not yours.

[swellmomma]

Maybe its a cultural/regional thing but I know several people in their late 50's and beyond who are raising small kids. Everything from adoption to fostering to just being prominent in their grandchild or neighbor kids lives. I have a cousin about my age who was raised by our grandma from about 1 yo. She raised him until she died when he was about 12.

 

Many of my friends were raised by their grandparents or in a couple of cases, great grand parents. Just because someone is in their 60s or 70s I don't assume that they aren't raising or prominent adults in the lives of some young child.

 

I used to think that 25 was old and that 30 was near dead. Now, I ardently hope that I was wrong....

 

 

I think that is true. I'll add in as well the oldest any of my grandparents lived was 73.  60 is close to death kwim.  the one died at at 73 the other 3 in their 60s. My folks are not of the best health, and before my dad decided to run for council he was planning to retire at the end of this year and then my folks were going to be snow birds every winter, especially since mom's health isn't great.  I never knew anyone raised by their grandparents, I don't know how old all the parents were when I was in school, but I think the oldest was a male friend in high school, his adoptive parents were late 50s when we were graduating, so we all thought they were old, and they certainly were not raising small kids.  So I think culture/region does play a part in that. Well and now that my folks get asked if they want the seniors discount when they go out to eat it certainly factors in my thoughts on that lol

[EmilyGF]

I would take it as a compliment.

 

All my older neighbors tell me how much they love seeing my kids out playing in the streets and how they wonder where all the other kids are.

 

Emily

[Luanne]

I seriously doubt she meant anything negative from it.  I used to call my own daughter wild sometimes.  She was, but not in a bad way... just in a childish way (because she WAS a child).  Don't take it personally.