I have a hard time not being busy. If I'm not doing something, I feel guilty. Is this a common attribute for women

[Rose in BC]

It's Sunday afternoon. I'm tired. I'm sitting in my chair with a cup of coffee but my mind is whirling one hundred miles a minute thinking about all the things I should be doing.

 

My life is chaotic at the best of times (two FASDnkids, one with RAD). You'd think I could enjoy those brief moments of peace and solitude. Nope!

 

I wonder if I can train myself to multitask less. I think that's the root of my problem. I'm good at doing many things at the same time.

 

Anyone else suffer from this affliction?

[MrsMommy]

Totally! I'll tell my husband I feel guilty for being lazy if I'm not doing something "right this minute," and he looks at me like I've sprouted a second head, and every time says, "You're the least lazy person I know!" But if I'm not doing something productive, I feel like I am a total sloth!

 

Men neither seem to have nor understand this problem!

[Liz CA]

I have a friend who could not sit down for a minute. She is better now.

I have a hard time relaxing when some chore is niggling in the back of my head, i.e dishes, floors. laundry.

Once I have accomplished my personal goals, I am happy to be kicking back with a book or a smoothie.

 

I think sometimes when we are struggling with something internally, it is easier to be busy with our hands than to contemplate what we are going through.

Does this seem plausible for your situation or have you always been relentlessly on the go?

Another thing is that many of us have been conditioned as young girls to keep busy and keep working on something. I don't think boys get this message as much as girls since less men seem to have this particular problem.

[Janie Grace]

I can totally relate. Sometimes I force myself to rest, but there is always that nagging feeling that I'm being lazy. I think part of it has to do with never leaving my "work." I can sit on the couch but I glance over and there's my school cabinet that needs sorting, my laundry that needs folding and my dirty kitchen floor. Sometimes I wonder if I had an office where I worked and then came home to relax (and someone ELSE bore the responsibility for household chores), if I'd be less this way. I do remember that I could relax as a teenager, if my mom wasn't around. ;) I do think part of it is personality (I am a firstborn, people-pleasing, "productive" type...), but that it's more common for women.

[Stayseeliz]

I think part of the problem is that we are almost always at "work". I'm sitting at the kitchen table on my kindle and my two year old just made a mess in the living room, there is laundry to be done and dinner to be made. I'm at "work" even though it's Sunday afternoon. DH is sleeping blissfully because he is at home, not work. Sigh.

[Janie Grace]

Also, I think part of my problem is "stolen" time. I need to rest. Instead of setting aside time to rest and not feel guilty, I grab it along the way (usually in the form of computer stuff) and then I always feel half-guilty that I'm not being as productive as I should. Dh and I have talked about this -- the need to have sanctioned "zone out," recuperate, CHILL times and then be focused during focused times. But it's hard to maintain this IRL!

[Janie Grace]

I think part of the problem is that we are almost always at "work". I'm sitting at the kitchen table on my kindle and my talk year olds just made a mess in the living room, there is laundry to be done and dinner to be made. I'm at "work" even though it's Sunday afternoon. DH is sleeping blissfully because he is at home, not work. Sigh.

 

EXACTLY.

[Word Nerd]

That tendency is probably tied more to personality than gender.

[Rose in BC]

I can totally relate. Sometimes I force myself to rest, but there is always that nagging feeling that I'm being lazy. I think part of it has to do with never leaving my "work." I can sit on the couch but I glance over and there's my school cabinet that needs sorting, my laundry that needs folding and my dirty kitchen floor. Sometimes I wonder if I had an office where I worked and then came home to relax (and someone ELSE bore the responsibility for household chores), if I'd be less this way. I do remember that I could relax as a teenager, if my mom wasn't around. ;) I do think part of it is personality (I am a firstborn, people-pleasing, "productive" type...), but that it's more common for women.

 

 

I do work outside the home in a senior management position....but I still am responsible for household chores. My dh does help but I do the cooking and there are some chores he doesn't do...like bathrooms.

 

You're probably right it's a personality trait.

[Mandylubug]

I'm a procrastinator.... I wish I was a busy body and couldn't be still. I don't watch tv but I love to just settle down with a cup of coffee and a good book.

[unfrumpable.]

Nope, I cannot relate at all. :) I love sitting back and relaxing and have no problem doing just that.

[Rose in BC]

 

I think sometimes when we are struggling with something internally, it is easier to be busy with our hands than to contemplate what we are going through.

Does this seem plausible for your situation or have you always been relentlessly on the go?

 

 

I am naturally restless persons, always on the go but this is an interesting thought. Maybe.

[mysticmomma]

Take up knitting.

[Robin M]

I think sometimes when we are struggling with something internally, it is easier to be busy with our hands than to contemplate what we are going through.

 

 

This for me. I have to keep going and cleaning and listening to an audio book to drown out the annoying record in my brain for a while. Then there are times I have no problem just sitting and reading and being a sloth. A lot of times when it seems like there is so much to do, I'll make a list and all the things I need to do won't seem so daunting and I won't feel guilty about just relaxing.

[Sarah CB]

It's Sunday afternoon. I'm tired. I'm sitting in my chair with a cup of coffee but my mind is whirling one hundred miles a minute thinking about all the things I should be doing.

 

My life is chaotic at the best of times (two FASDnkids, one with RAD). You'd think I could enjoy those brief moments of peace and solitude. Nope!

 

I wonder if I can train myself to multitask less. I think that's the root of my problem. I'm good at doing many things at the same time.

 

Anyone else suffer from this affliction?

 

 

I seriously do not have that problem, but I wish sometimes that I did :)

[lea1]

Totally! I'll tell my husband I feel guilty for being lazy if I'm not doing something "right this minute," and he looks at me like I've sprouted a second head, and every time says, "You're the least lazy person I know!" But if I'm not doing something productive, I feel like I am a total sloth!

 

Men neither seem to have nor understand this problem!

 

 

Actually my dh is like this. He makes me tired sometimes.:)

[Guest]

Yes. I often tell myself, "You know, you ARE allowed to just sit for a few minutes and watch the chickens peck. It's not a crime."

[SKL]

I haven't had much opportunity to test for this problem, LOL. But yeah, I am nervous to sit down. I feel it may be as simple as realizing that once I get good and comfortable sitting, it's going to be verrrrry hard to get back up again. I can't afford to lose the momentum at this stage of my life. For me, it isn't stressful to keep moving. If anything, it relieves stress as it keeps my to-do list from growing longer. :)

[KrissiK]

I do. Cleaning house is never ending. The laundry is never ending. And I feel guilty sitting down if the house is a disaster and there is laundry. Sometimes I do sit down and read, but I can't enjoy it because there are unfinished tasks.

[SquirrellyMama]

I am not the type who feels guilty sitting down. I think my dh does. His constant activity makes me stressed, and when I get stressed I sit or sleep.

 

Kelly

[Amira]

That tendency is probably tied more to personality than gender.

 

I agree. It drives my husband nuts that I have the ability to be lazy, because he certainly doesn't. ;)

[Rose in BC]

Take up knitting.

 

Haha! I do knit and enjoy it (a skill I learned the earlier years of homeschooling....you know, nice, calming knit, purl, knit.)

 

But the last thing I knit was a pair of socks in January. Thanks for the reminder! :)

[Dandelion]

That tendency is probably tied more to personality than gender.

 

I agree.

 

And OP, I can relate. I feel the same way. My mind never shuts off, and even when I'm trying to relax, I've still got a million ideas and "to do's" swirling through my head.

 

I'm working on just being more present in each moment. It's a process, but I do notice that when I make a conscious choice to enjoy whatever is happening that moment and fully focus on it, I'm able to drown out some of that mental noise. I'm doing much better with it than a few years ago, but I've still got a long ways to go.

[Seasider]

That tendency is probably tied more to personality than gender.

 

 

I agree. DH (and his mother) are the kind of people that can't usually enjoy sitting still until after a certain time in the evening. Trouble is, he also gets the willies when those around his busy self appear too idle for his liking.

 

Unfortunately, I am the type that needs regular sit-and-think time. I'm going to have to explain Sherlock's mind palace to him...

 

I do agree with those above who note that if you're livin' at the office, it's hard to get a break.

[Liz CA]

Yes. I often tell myself, "You know, you ARE allowed to just sit for a few minutes and watch the chickens peck. It's not a crime."

 

 

 

It is sooo soothing to watch chickens in particular. More fun than any TV show. :)

[violamama]

Am I making this up, or are you also a musician?

 

Many (most?) musicians I know who have pursued serious training at some point in their college lives are like this. It's the I-should-be-practicing syndrome. I can seriously do it even when I've finally crawled into bed at 1am and am trying to fall asleep.

 

Agree on the multitasking. Have you tried cutting caffeine? You go first and tell me how it works out. :leaving:

[unfrumpable.]

I agree. It drives my husband nuts that I have the ability to be lazy, because he certainly doesn't. ;)

 

 

 

I excel at that ability. :lol: I need sit down, be quiet, do nothing time. Not just 10 minutes or so either. I need time to just veg out or things can get ugly around here.

 

Like others have mentioned though, I do get niggled when there are chores or what not that need to be done. Since there are only three of us in this family, I am able to get them done in a reasonable amount of time though usually.

[PeacefulChaos]

I think it's a personality thing. :)

I'm not like that, tbh. :p I go to a mom's book club/group twice a month and a lot of them are like that - when they have free time they are thinking of what they should be doing, etc... I'm happy to just sit and do nothing. Another friend of mine is the same way. We always joke around that we're the slackers of the group. ;) And happy to be that way, too... :D

[Stacia]

Nope, I cannot relate at all. :) I love sitting back and relaxing and have no problem doing just that.

 

 

Hi, twin! :seeya:

[Sara in AZ]

Am I making this up, or are you also a musician?

 

Many (most?) musicians I know who have pursued serious training at some point in their college lives are like this. It's the I-should-be-practicing syndrome. I can seriously do it even when I've finally crawled into bed at 1am and am trying to fall asleep.

 

Agree on the multitasking. Have you tried cutting caffeine? You go first and tell me how it works out. :leaving:

 

Yes, no matter how much you have practiced it was not enough! Totally relate to this and the OP. My mother is worse. We call her the energizer bunny. She never slows down. If the fam is relaxing playing a game or watching a movie she always joins in late and comes bearing a pile of things to work on during the activity. I can usually relax enough to participate, but I still feel guilty about the things I could be accomplishing instead.

 

 

[Arcadia]

Rest and relaxing counts as doing something. Putting my feet up and enjoying a bar of Toblerone counts as doing something definitely :)

[ElizabethB]

It is mainly personality driven. However, everyone I know who grew up on a farm has a hard time sitting still.

[Rose in BC]

It is mainly personality driven. However, everyone I know who grew up on a farm has a hard time sitting still.

 

 

I definitely did not grow up on a farm, although I did grow up in a family of seven kids ...more like a zoo than a farm :).

 

 

Am I making this up, or are you also a musician?

Many (most?) musicians I know who have pursued serious training at some point in their college lives are like this. It's the I-should-be-practicing syndrome. I can seriously do it even when I've finally crawled into bed at 1am and am trying to fall asleep.

Agree on the multitasking. Have you tried cutting caffeine? You go first and tell me how it works out. :leaving:

 

 

Other than high school band and a love of music, nope not a musician (in fact, I sometimes faked my mom's initials on my practice card. :))

[Mom in High Heels]

I do. I always try to carve out some "Mommy Time" every day (when Han Solo is napping in the afternoon and Indy is outside or playing in his room), but I feel guilty. It's usually an hour and I sit and read or watch TV, but I feel like I should be DOING something. I think about the things that are still messy, or I need to get to and it's difficult to let it go.

[kewb]

Not an affliction I suffer from. I have no problem choosing a book over any other chore I may have to do and I don't feel the slightest bit guilty. The dishes will just get dirty again, the dust will return, the laundry will still be there when I finish my book.

 

I do, however, know many women who suffer greatly from this affliction and I really think there should be a support group.

 

I have only met one man in my lifetime who suffered from this.

[Tammyla]

The only way I don't feel guilty is by doing something like quilting while I sit that produces something. In all honesty, I love-love reading a good book and do, but I always feel the guilt.

 

Flylady...not to bring up cleaning guilt, but her e-mails way back when that said it was time for a sit down water break helped me quite a bit. If I check things off my list, I'm more comfy sitting down and enjoying a chapter or two; and the breaks often leave me feeling recharged.

[Guest]

It is sooo soothing to watch chickens in particular. More fun than any TV show. :)

 

Too true. That's what I say when I'm going to go sit in my chair and watch the chickens: "I'm going to go watch 'Chicken TV.'" :laugh:

[Garga]

I think it's personality. My dh is a whirlwind of activity and he says his brain is always spinning. He can't settle down to sleep at night. It's pretty easy for me to set my thoughts aside and fall asleep.

 

He can get more done in an hour than I get done in a day. Well, maybe it's not that bad.

 

My dh also has ADHD. Especially the H part.

[Lizzie in Ma]

I've gotten better. I knit so I can watch tv or a movie without guilt. :)