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How much time does your teen spend with friends?


joannqn
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My teen dd usually has a sleepover here or goes to a friends house one night every weekend. During the week she hangs out with her friends volunteering after school for teachers or in one of the two clubs she's in. The only driving required of me during the week is to and from school. On the weekends that she stays at a friends house I drop off and pick up. Then there is the occasional party for something, but again it's just drop off and pick up and they're all close by.

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Afterschool for a couple hours (while still at school - working with theathre group or other social groups) and usually 1 night a weekend as well, though 2 nights isn't unheard of. This weekend she'll be with friends the whole time at a youth group retreat.

 

She wants to hang out during the week but I'm not as interested in driving her around then and where we live, her friends are usually 20 minutes away and I've had other errands in opposite directs to tend to during the day so I don't say yes to those requests very often.

 

If she had it her way, I don't think she'd ever be home, sigh.

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For my kids, time with friends is pretty much a daily occurrence. We tried to encourage them to make circles of friends from different activities so that they'd have a wide variety of buddies.

 

Only my youngest is at home now, so I do not mind driving him at all. Tonight he has chess after school and I will probably drive him and his friend Michael home. Most of the time if the weather is good, he prefers to bike, but the distances around here are not big.

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My teen will tell you not enough. I count swim practice as time with friends. He does not. Swim practice is 3-4 nights a week. Sometimes on a weekday afternoon he will get together with a local friend for an hour or so. On the week-ends, if we don't have plans he is off with friends for most of it.

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My 15 year old ds occasionally hangs out with his friends. He spends daily time with them on Xbox. He has no friends in our neighborhood. My 12 year old ds son has friends in the neighborhood and he is constantly out, like for hours and hours (especially on the weekend). I feel a little sad for my older ds, but he doesn't seem to mind too much, although I think he gets more bored than my younger two.

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Everyday after school. I don't count classes as time with friends. Here in Europe, maybe because of the smaller size of housing, all the kids gravitate toward the park after school which is great as I don't have to drive anywhere. They usually stay there until dinner. The weekends are for family.

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Hmmmm. I wasn't expecting those responses.

 

There are virtually no kids in our neighborhood. There are a couple (siblings) that live down the street. They go to public school (so aren't home during the day) and have parents who yell and curse regularly. My daughter did spend some time hanging out with them last summer, but nothing came of it. Then there are 18 year old and 14 year old boys across the street. Nice boys living with their dad. We really like this family but there is no interest in friendship between 13yo DD and the younger son, who spends all of his free time playing on the computer with friends or playing a role playing card game with friends. All of his friends appear to be boys.

 

Given that...she has four friends total. She sees T and N (and sometimes S) at church on Sunday mornings. She sees T and N (and sometimes S) at youth group Sunday afternoons (hosted at our house). She sees T (and sometimes S) while us parents are having a small group study on Monday nights. T is the student I am tutoring, so she gets about an hour of hang out time after tutoring on Mondays; they see each other but don't have time to hang out on Wednesdays too. Once a month DD and N have an art class together. She gets invited to a sleep over about once every month or two. R lives 40 minutes away; she hasn't seen her in person for probably a year, but they remain in contact via email.

 

Not a whole lot of socialization there. DD has no extracurricular activities. In the past, she has quit everything she has tried. She has asked about roller skating, but I haven't looked at what is available. The closest rink is kind of a pit. She has expressed little to no interest in any other extracurricular activity.

 

N's mom has been trying to convince me to join their co-op. It is about 35 minutes away in a different city and meets on Fridays. Only one proposed class will fit into our curriculum plans so all other classes she takes will be above and beyond her assigned work. I have four kids, so I expect co-op participation will be expensive...there is a registration fee, an insurance fee, background check fee for adults, and $5 fee per class. There is a legacy class that is required for all students so that is a required $20. Then some classes have materials fees and books to buy. Anyway, N and R both go to that co-op. Since my youngest is finally old enough to be happy in a class without me, I'm considering it at least part time.

 

We've had a hard time finding older homeschoolers in this area. Socialization has been the hardest part of homeschooling for us.

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My 14 year old sees his friends at youth group (3 hours on Sunday night, but 1 hr is a service, so not much social), Boy Scouts (2 hrs on Monday night), homeschool science class (2 hrs on Tuesday -- adding math and maybe English next year for almost a full school day), Civil Air Patrol (3 hours Tuesday night), Karate (2 hrs on Wednesday night -- not much time for talking, etc.), and at Science Team (2 hrs) and homeschool church group (2-5 hours) on Friday, and at karate on Saturday (3 hrs, time for social varies). If school is out (usually a Monday), one of his Boy Scout friends usually has a pickup football game reffed by his parents. Every few months, he might go over to a friend's house just to hang out. Last week, school was out for 3 days and he hung out with the boys next door, which I don't really like as much as his other activities ... they're couch potatoes and sit and play video games that I would prefer ds didn't play (dh and I have discussed and decided that's not a hill to die on for us, though we have expressed our concerns to ds).

My 13 year old is more introverted and has fewer local friends (she has a lot of friends on her writing forum and is trying to set up time to go see a couple of them before her writing camp this summer). I'm trying to get her connected with more IRL friends, and she'll be going to ps next year (her choice), partly to expand her social life. She's in youth group, karate (not many friends her age there), science team, and homeschool youth group. She volunteers in a therapeutic riding program, and sometimes interacts with girls who board their horses there, but most of the time is with the ladies that run the program and the students (10-12 year old boys right now -- she used to work with one of 8 year old dd's best friends). She's in Girl Scouts, but they only meet a couple times a month at most. She used to play with a girl down the block who is her age, but after repeatedly politely turning down requests to join the girls church/activities, it seems the family wanted her to keep to friends who were members of their church.

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Ds 16 spends Sundays with young people at church and we have a college fellowship at our house Sunday night. Mondays he has a friend in choir and Fridays is laser tag. We plan get togethers other than that as they work out. Not living in a neighborhood setting and home schooling doesn't lead to daily hang out time at our house. Until this year he had his sister as well.

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I'll join EL in making you feel better. Almost all of ds15's friends are online as well. He spends time with them every day - on Skype and on message boards and gaming. He is with people but not really friends 3 days a week at taekwando. He used to have actual friends there but they've all gotten involved in other activities. He sees a real friend face to face about once a week. He seems to do fine in social situations with his peers.

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I'm not worried about socialization. I'm just aware that they aren't entirely thrilled about the situation. I know they would like more friends and time with friends, but we just can't find the friends or fit it into the schedule.

 

Oh, and I was off on the co-op; it is more expensive than I thought. It is $5 per class per month. So, with four kids, it would add up quickly....up to $120 per month if we stayed for all six periods. Registration and insurance is once a year. I think the background check is once. Then some classes have materials fees and books. There are three periods before lunch and three after. If you are there during 3rd period, you must take legacy during that period.

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My 14 yo dd hangs out at BGC with friends 4 days/week from 3:30-5:30. She sees sports friends 2-3x week at games and practice. She has youth group two Sundays/ month and GS the other two Sundays. If she's in a play(4x yr avg) she sees cast friends at rehearsal. She very occasionally has a sleepover but not being in school and the MS girls being cliquish has cut down on those.

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It depends on how you define "friends."

 

My son has activities that put him in classes and rehearsals with other teens three days a week for about three hours at a time. The dance competition team has extra rehearsals once or twice a month, and the choir has an additional rehearsal on a Saturday morning about once a month. The bulk of that time is spent focused on the activity, and the groups are not necessarily made up of kids with whom he's especially close friends. However, there is a definite social component and time to chat. Choir, for example, has "snack time" every week, when the kids head outside (if the weather is okay) and eat their snacks and talk and generally goof off for 30 minutes or so. And a week from Saturday, the dance studio is having a lock-in/sleepover for the competition team, during which they are scheduled to rehearse a little bit but will spend most of the time playing games and eating junk food.

 

He volunteers at the science museum for a few hours at a time once every week or two. He is usually paired with another youth volunteer, some of whom he likes more than others. And they have plenty of time to talk in between doing demonstrations and answering guests' questions.

 

He participates in Sunday school (every week) and youth group (twice a month) at a church, and the kids usually manage to carve out at least an hour or two of hanging-out time before, between or after the organized activities. The youth group works on various projects during the year, which also allow lots of time for socializing. (For example, they are doing a fundraiser this Sunday that will have them on the church campus from about 10:00 a.m. until 9:00 p.m. and will include going out to lunch.) The kids there are also his core group of close friends.

 

He gets together with at least one or two friends for something purely social once or twice a month, on average. So far this month, he went to a water park with a friend for several hours one day and just went to DisneyQuest with a group this past Saturday.

 

Edit: I forgot to mention that he also texts with an assortment of friends pretty much daily.

 

He's a social guy and tends to wilt when he doesn't have places to go and people to see. The current schedule seems to be working pretty well for him.

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It just depends on the week, the day, what is going on.

 

Today was a play and we went with our friends and then went to lunch. Tomorrow is a Valentine's Bowling party and we will be with friends most of the day. Saturday is a hike with scouts, so a day with friends. Sunday is church, again, we see friends. Monday is scout night, Tuesday is our writing class, Wed. is Art class and game night.

 

But this isn't the same schedule every week.

 

Dawn

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Definitely giving me some food for thought.

 

DD does not have a cell phone so no texting. Screen time is currently limited to an hour a day. We don't have an x-box. We don't utilize skype, don't know anyone who does. No extracurricular or volunteering.

 

She is, however, at a friend's house for the night and visiting to co-op tomorrow. I think the kids would love the co-op, just not sure how we would afford it. Even if we only went half a day, it'll run about $110 a month for class fees and gas plus whatever materials fees and books are required.

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If I were you I would make whatever sacrifices necessary to join that co-op. My eldest was in a similar boat at 13. She had four close friends who she saw a couple of times a week, usually for structured classes. She had sleepovers about once a month. It really wasn't enough. She is my eldest and spent a lot of time alone, studying in her room.

 

I don't think it's healthy for teen girls to spend the majority of their time alone. They need friends and things to do.

 

Dd ended up going to public school. She's in her third semester there and will graduate this June. That, and going to church with her best friend instead of with us, has been the best thing for her. She has a fantastic group of friends - most of them from the youth group at her new church and they also go to school with her. She joined the grad council and the rugby team. She started going to modern dance class (outside of school) and she's still pursuing Taekwon-do seriously. She's enjoyed the academic competition at school and she's enjoyed having real life teachers for sciences and maths instead of online classes.

 

Things were not so healthy for her when she was 14 and 15 and spending a lot of time alone.

 

I'm being very proactive with the boys and we're making sure that we're part of a thriving homeschool community. They have many opportunities to be with friends socially and academically and even though I'd often rather sit at home, I get out there and make sure they're part of things. They have a fantastic group of friends and they're really doing well - socially, emotionally, musically, and academically. It's totally different from how I homeschooled dd, but it's much, much healthier.

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Just so you know that I have tried...

 

In younger years, in our old city, she tried and quit gymnastics at the YMCA, swimming, bowling, and ice skating. She's not interested in trying these again.

 

Since moving here, we have offered to change churches because ours is small. She wants to stay with our church. We have offered to enroll her part time in the local middle school; she doesn't want to go to public school. She hears about homework, teachers, assignments, and social drama from one of her friends, which makes her even less interested. We've done homeschool flag football and homeschool baseball, and she's not interested in those. She went to a club with a friend (might have been American Heritage Girls), but she wasn't interested in joining. That friend also moved away.

 

I joined a local homeschool group but it wasn't as active as I had hoped. I volunteered and was elected (only candidate) President of that group in the hopes of meeting more people and getting it more active. They didn't disclose an issue that had potential legal ramifications until after the new board was voted in. I stepped down and left the group to protect my family from a potential lawsuit. (It was that serious.)

 

We also have a public school ALE program here that offers on-campus enrichment classes. It is very popular here, but we couldn't participate because we were already enrolled in a different ALE (paid for our curricula/supplies but no in-person classes). We left our ALE this year so we could participate in the local one now. There are rumors that the state might cut funding for ALEs so it might not even be an option for next year, but I'll look into it. At least the kids would be more local than the co-op, and the classes would be free.

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We would be inviting ourselves (or DD) to their house.

 

You wouldn't have to invite yourself to her house. See if she'd like to meet up with your daughter at the mall, the park, the library, a video arcade, etc. Invite her to come visit you? Maybe offer to meet up half-way? My kids are obviously quite a bit younger than yours so maybe I don't really know what I'm talking about, but I can vividly remember being a lonely teenager. I wish my parents would've put more effort into helping me nurture relationships with others but they couldn't be bothered. I do think that as the parents who homeschool we have an even greater responsibility than the average parent in making sure that our children's social needs are being met.

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I wish my parents would've put more effort into helping me nurture relationships with others but they couldn't be bothered. I do think that as the parents who homeschool we have an even greater responsibility than the average parent in making sure that our children's social needs are being met.

 

 

Did you read post 28?

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We're in about the same boat here. My DD goes to public high school for 3 classes each day so she does interact with kids there but none are really friends. She has one homeschooled friend she swims with about twice a month and occasionally visits her house. She also does leadership club once a week for an hour and chats with other kids there. But she doesn't have any close friends, no best friend. It seems the "friends" she's made at school are all either too busy to get together or are just not interested in hanging out. At the moment lack of friends doesn't bother my DD very much.

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My teen is in high school and it's a half mile away on the sidewalk and less if she cuts across a ball field. She's deep into theatre, so she's with her drama friends after school most days. She's also on an improv team, but half of those friends overlap with drama. Aside from seeing friends during the school day, I'd say she's with other teens about 4 afternoons a week. She also catches up with the homeschooling teen group about once or twice a month. We're in the suburbs so she has school and friends within easy walking distance. She has friends on our cul-de-sac. She's 16.

 

My son is 12 and homeschooled. He sees friends about twice a week and that's plenty for him.

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JoAnn, does the co-op have any type of scholarship program, or discounts for multiple children?

 

It might be worth asking.

 

 

I just read through the whole handbook. There is no mention of discounts or scholarships in the handbook. The fees are higher than I expected. If we participated in the full day (like her friend does), it would cost us $1096 plus any materials fees, textbooks, books, and supplies. Gas driving to and from the co-op would be $450 for the year at today's prices. The list of possible classes only has one that fits into our academic plan, so all of the classes but that one would be enrichment.

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JoAnn, does the co-op have any type of scholarship program, or discounts for multiple children?

 

It might be worth asking.

 

Even if the handbook does not mention it, they might have some. Ours does but they are not highly advertised. Also, individual teachers may be willing to work with you if you ask.

 

If you help either set up or clean up, they might be willing to reduce fees for that too, again, it can't hurt to ask. I would recommend a half day with a 3 and 5 year old in tow. Maybe the afternoon so they could visit a bit after the last class, especially if you help clean up after.

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Even if the handbook does not mention it, they might have some. Ours does but they are not highly advertised. Also, individual teachers may be willing to work with you if you ask.

 

If you help either set up or clean up, they might be willing to reduce fees for that too, again, it can't hurt to ask. I would recommend a half day with a 3 and 5 year old in tow. Maybe the afternoon so they could visit a bit after the last class, especially if you help clean up after.

 

 

Setting up and cleaning up is required for all members. Half day would be more affordable, especially the afternoon, since the required legacy class (at $20 or $25 per child) is in the morning. Afternoons come with an hour or more commute home during rush hour traffic.

 

I'm going to contact the roller skating rink to see about lessons. She's mentioned interest in that. I'm also going to contact the children's museum to see if she can volunteer; she'd probably enjoy that too.

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I'm going to contact the roller skating rink to see about lessons. She's mentioned interest in that. I'm also going to contact the children's museum to see if she can volunteer; she'd probably enjoy that too.

 

 

That sounds cheaper, more fun, and a better fit for the whole family!

 

It is hard, especially after a move. We have good friends here but had to move a bit away because of health problems with the house, and then we move to another state this summer. Our Los Angeles neighborhood was not kid friendly and there were few kids in the area. We had never lived somewhere with so few kids so we weren't even thinking about it when we were looking for a place. A neighborhood with kids is now part of the criteria for a house when we move, it is hard otherwise, you have to work a lot harder to connect with friends if there are none in the neighborhood.

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My eldest was in a similar boat at 13. She had four close friends who she saw a couple of times a week, usually for structured classes. She had sleepovers about once a month. It really wasn't enough. She is my eldest and spent a lot of time alone, studying in her room.

 

 

My oldest is turning 11 next month, and I am already seeing socialization as an issue going forward. Her friends are much busier now in middle school with their activities, homework, and other school obligations. We are having trouble getting face time with them. My dd definitely desires and needs a social network, and a little bit here and there isn't enough.

 

Thanks for your post. Public school is a likely option for us; I'm just not sure when yet.

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I'll chime in to make you feel better. Ds' has most of his peer-aged friends online. There are a few teens in our area, but they didn't really hit it off.

 

 

edited to remove personal information

 

 

I'll make you feel better too. My kids mostly hung out together....and my older kids still hang out together....especially oldest 2 dd's...

My teen son sees his friends on weekends sometimes....will go snowboarding with cousins or kickboxing with older brother.

Teen dd has a few friends she mainly talks to on the phone, but sees more often at the swim club in the summer. She also has some friends she sees at drama group.

 

None of us are particularly social....and we are very busy as a family. I just don't worry too much about it, and neither do they.

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I hope this will make you feel a bit better. Dd meets with friends maybe 3 times during an average week. We all spend a couple of hours with her BF's family (her parents are our BF's too). She goes to another group event biweekly--very lite sports activities. Planning to start going to another group this spring, more for ds12 then dd. Game playing, like dungeons and dragons, it is teens but far more boys then girls signed up. Then on Friday afternoons we meet at another friends house normally. She has church friends but doesn't always get to socialize much.

 

Like your dd she has never had a huge interest in the standard kid activities. She does participate in both a patchwork and watercolor painting groups where she does have many friends who are mainly 60 plus. I honestly think this has given her the added friend time she needs. Her same age friends are all very busy. Just no time to meet more. She has some friends that live over an hour away that we meet occasionally for days out.

 

Dd doesn't text etc. Only emails if she must. Does enjoy skype on occasion. She has commented that all the texting one of her friends does would drive her nuts--no peaceful time to concentrate.

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My two oldest saw friends every day, but that was because they went to public high school and were involved in activities. They usually did something social every weekend. My youngest, whom I will continue to homeschool through high school, sees friends at least twice a week and does a sleepover (either here or there) with her bestie every Friday night. She attends ocassional social things and sometimes invites a gaggle of girls to our house.

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