Do you go to Grandma & Grandpa's on Christmas Day?

[CatholicMom]

Great, just when I wanted to do a poll we got the new forums. :glare:

 

Just wondered how commonplace it is to pack up the kids on Christmas day and go to Grandma & Grandpa's house to open presents there.

 

Dh has 5 siblings who all convene at their parents' house on Christmas day. One of them has 2 kids, the other don't. We are the one who has the oldest kids and the most kids (we have 5). I want to go to Grandma's house on Christmas Eve so we don't have worry about packing up, get gifts read to bring, dressing up the kids, and getting to Grandma's house on Christmas day. I would rather relax at home, drink hot cocoa and let the kids play with their toys. After putting presents under the tree and doing last-minute prep I am also usually exhausted on Christmas day, so getting the kids ready to go and cleaning up is pretty much maxing out my energy at that point. But Grandma wants her adult single kids to open their presents with everyone else (meaning our family, too) on Christmas "morning" (by 1 or 2pm, but the earlier the better).

 

I say it's unusual to have families with little kids go to Grandma's house in the early afternoon or morning ON Christmas day. Growing up, Christmas revolved around your immediate family and we would take our sweet time doing our thing and THEN Grandma & Grandpa would come to us and see what we got for presents. We did the Christmas dinner & presents at my mom's mom's house on Christmas Eve and we would go over to my other grandparents' right across the road and show them what we got and we might have sometimes had a dinner in the afternoon (supper time), not early afternoon or morning.

 

I just hate feeling rushed on Christmas morning and worrying about people "waiting" for us at dh's parents' house. His single siblings are all 28 - 40 yrs old, mind you. :confused1: Is it a big deal for them to open presents on Christmas Eve with everyone, or else to wait until the evening of Christmas Day? I guess they want to do everyone's presents at the same time... Kids & grandkids together, so they don't want to open presents unless we're there.

 

I don't like feeling like Christmas revolves around getting over there - and not about celebrating at our house with our kids, but wondered how everyone else handles it?

 

P.S. Another factor is that we are Catholic and Christmas Day is a holy day of obligation so we must go to mass on Christmas day. Not sure if it's OK to go on Christmas eve or not. I'll have to check, but point being... add getting all the kids to mass on Christmas day, and that's even more packing the kids up and rushing around on Christmas day.

[KRG]

We have Christmas with other family either Christmas Eve or the week before. Christmas day is always spent at home.

[Parrothead]

We do not have Christmas away from home.

[Susan in TX]

Growing up I only had one set of Grandparents still living and they lived half way across the country so we didn't go to their house on Christmas. In my family when my older brothers got married and had kids they all came to my parents house for Christmas dinner and opening presents in the afternoon around 2pm. At some point one of my brothers decided they wanted to stay home for Christmas so they did. By that time dh and I had moved halfway across the country so we didn't go to my parents house on Christmas. We spent a few rather lonely Christmases with just our small kids but then dh's mom moved near us. After that we always had Christmas at her house. We kept our Christmas morning pretty low key and went to Grandma's after church. Christmas at Grandma's house was the best part of Christmas for my children. She died this year so this will be our first Christmas without her and it is going to be HARD.

 

I don't think it is unusual at all to have families with little kids go to Grandma's house in the early afternoon. But each family is different and has to work out what's best for them.

 

Susan in TX

[Susan in TX]

Growing up I only had one set of Grandparents still living and they lived half way across the country so we didn't go to their house on Christmas. In my family when my older brothers got married and had kids they all came to my parents house for Christmas dinner and opening presents in the afternoon around 2pm. At some point one of my brothers decided they wanted to stay home for Christmas so they did. By that time dh and I had moved halfway across the country so we didn't go to my parents house on Christmas. We spent a few rather lonely Christmases with just our small kids but then dh's mom moved near us. After that we always had Christmas at her house. We kept our Christmas morning pretty low key and went to Grandma's after church. Christmas at Grandma's house was the best part of Christmas for my children. She died this year so this will be our first Christmas without her and it is going to be HARD.

 

I don't think it is unusual at all to have families with little kids go to Grandma's house in the early afternoon. But each family is different and has to work out what's best for them.

 

Susan in TX

[athena1277]

When I was a kid, we would open gifts at home on Christmas Day, then head to the grandparents about 10am to be there for a big Christmas lunch and presents from grandparents/cousins/etc. We would probably do the same now, except that our parents live 1000 miles away.

 

I would not take all the Santa presents to open at their house. Do that at home and let the kids take 1 favorite to show and play with. We have made it a rule within our family that we will always be at home on Christmas morning so we don't have to haul presents.

[Farrar]

We're not close enough to drive on the day. We either do it here and they stay over with us for a few days or there and we're there for a few days. Either way, Christmas morning shouldn't feel rushed. But like I said, we don't even have the option of house hopping on Christmas.

[SBMama]

We go to DH's grandma's on Christmas Eve. On Christmas morning, we stay home. (The rest of DH's family goes to his aunt's for Christmas breakfast, but we stopped doing that when our oldest was 2. It just got to be too much for us.) My mom comes over late Christmas morning, then my dad comes over in the early afternoon. Then we have to pack up and go to the ILs by 5pm. Honestly, I would love to do nothing but stay home in my jammies and let the kids play all day!

[Cinder]

It's never been an issue for us as we've never lived within driving distance of grandparents. But I remember sil's family stopped going to mil/fil's when their dd was around 4yo, maybe 3? Anyway old enough to start asking why Santa didn't come to their house, just to the grandparents'. Before she had dc sil and bil would drive out to mil/fil's Christmas morning and spend the day opening gifts and having dinner. But once they switched to having Christmas morning at home then mil/fil would drive out to sil's house, not for the morning routine, just for dinner.

[Matryoshka]

Growing up, we had no relatives near. Every other year, we'd haul it 18hrs to grandparents' for Christmas (where we also had lots of cousins). Alternate years were at home by ourselves. Our family always opens presents on Christmas Eve; Christmas Day is just stockings.

 

Now, grandparents have been coming to our house for Christmas Eve, as we attend church services at 4, and they come along to that (we're the only ones in the family that attend church). Every other year, my brother and his family come up too (alternate years, they do the cross-country grandparent thing, like we did). After church, we all have dinner and open presents. Brother's family just brings gifts for us and grandparents; his wife doesn't have the Christmas Eve tradition, so they do their family presents Christmas morning. Then we do stockings (and we've added one "Santa" gift) on Christmas morning, and head off for Christmas dinner in the afternoon to the other grandmother (where we exchange gifts to and from her). Then around 4-5 we head over to my parents' for more dessert and cheer (brother skips this; I think they stay home Christmas Day when they're in town).

 

Maybe it's because I didn't have extended family around growing up, but I really like a big family Christmas. I like the way we've got it organized; I don't feel hectic or rushed.

[KarenNC]

Growing up, it was 1) visit and do gifts with out of town grandmother --hour and a half away--and my dad's siblings on the second Saturday in December; 2) go to church for Xmas Eve service and get goody bags (fruit, nuts, candy bar) from Santa; 3) go to my maternal grandmother's house for Xmas Eve dinner, Santa stockings and open presents; 3) get up in the morning for Santa stockings at our house and gifts; 4) go to my maternal great-grandmother's house in the afternoon for gifts and meal. After my great-grandmother died, the afternoon gathering was at my grandmother's, being the oldest of the siblings. My mother's relatives were in the same town with us.

 

Adult Xmas travel has evolved, primarily based on my step-siblings' kids, as they were married with children when my dad and stepmother married (I was 19, my sister 14--shortly after my mother died). Initially, we would go up and spend the night at my stepsister's house (hour away and next door to stepbrother and his kids) so that they could see the grandkids open presents. Later, it turned into Xmas breakfast at 10 am on Xmas Day at my parents' house, but the stepsibs didn't want to have to drive the hour down with little kids. By the time my sister and I had little ones, it was drive an hour up to a church near my stepsister's house for brunch at 10 am on Xmas Day (my parents use the fellowship hall, as we've outgrown anyone's house) and we would then drive back down to my in-laws (an hour the opposite direction from our house--so a 2 hour drive) for dinner. By that point, there were multiple grandkids and even great-grandkids up there. It's a hassle, but not as bad as it could be because we do our immediate family gift exchange on Winter Solstice, so we just have Santa stockings on Xmas Day ( we also have an only, who is older). The other families are all doing all their gifts on Xmas Day, so it's harder for them. My sister's in-laws lived out of town for many years, so they would alternate which family they spent holidays with---one at Thanksgiving, the other at Xmas.

 

We did try staying the night with my in-laws last year, but that wasn't terribly successful (with Xmas on a Sunday, my parents' brunch was Xmas Eve). They can't really come to our house often because we have cats and they are both allergic.

[Wheres Toto]

I always hated rushing around Christmas Day but with two sets of parents (mine are divorced) plus in-laws there aren't a lot of options. A few years ago we changed things around a little bit. We have my dad and stepmother come over the closest weekend before Christmas that my oldest is with us, then we visit my mother and stepfather Christmas Eve. Christmas morning is nice and relaxing - the kids can wake up and open their gifts, we have a nice breakfast, and just relax for a while. Then, once my oldest leaves for her dad's house (early afternoon) we drive down to my in-laws. They live 2 1/2 hours away so we'll stay there overnight and come home the next day.

[Candid]

Growing up, my parents lived 8 hours and 13 hours away from their parents. They were the only children with children in their possession (my uncle had kids, just not in his household). We never went to their homes for Christmas, too far. They never came to us. Some of that was explainable, my grandmother on my dad's side was at very low income level, my grandmother on my mom's side had a massive stroke and we wheel chair bound.

 

When my in laws were still alive we generally spent Thanksgiving from Wednesday evening until Sunday with them. I usually cooked (especially as they got older). Then for Christmas we would go the weekend before Christmas. This worked well since my mother in law's birthday was the 20th.

 

My parents have always been close by. Before children we would usually go to their house and my mom cooked with me helping. Now, with kids and they are older, they come here.

 

But I think a lot depends of distances and size of family. With the size of your dh's family, if they rotated going to houses it would be an exhausting day if everyone was in town. So I understand why they want everyone to come to them. Why not go for lunch?

 

And as a warning, the whole thing about your dd being your dd for their whole life but your ds being so until they marry does play out. I've watched in my own family and others. I can't stress enough how important it is for your sons to see you visit your in laws for holidays. Show them what you want your old age to look like. Make sure you consider being older and less willing to travel and drive.

[swellmomma]

since leaving my husband we have always done christmas eve at my folks and stayed over night, my brother and his wife did the same, that way they could all watch the kids open presents. then my sister and her family would come and we would do the big dinner. This year we are staying home for xmas eve, doing santa pressies on xmas morning at home then heading to teh city, the kids will open from grandparents, and my sister that night at dinner(they are being stupid and refusing to just give them to us for the kids to open under our tree), and staying over because my ex is picking up the big kids on boxing day in the city to take them for 5 days anyway, we may as well come in a day earlier than he needs so the family can see the kids.

[tabrizia]

We went to my in-laws for both DS1's first and second Christmas. At his third one his sister was here, so DH's parents came here instead and have every Christmas since. It works well for all of us, of course DH is an only child so they don't have to chose where to go. My family is Jewish so we don't have to worry about them, we just go there for Thanksgiving, it makes holidays easy all around.

[lisamarie]

I grew up always going to Grandma's house for Christmas. We did Christmas Eve or Christmas Eve Eve at our house, then we woke up and drove 3 hours to Chicago to get to Grandma's house. So when I got married, we just continued the trend. Then Grandma moved to Michigan and we started doing Christmas Eve night at the inlaws', Christmas morning breakfast at DH's grandparents' house until Grandma went into the nursing home and we started hosting, then Christmas lunch at my parents'. Last year I decided I'd had enough of that and cancelled breakfast on Christmas morning. Christmas morning is now only my immediate family.

 

BUT, both sets of parents live right down the street so it's not a big deal to go there. We can walk.

[DawnM]

No, they live too far away.

[bluemongoose]

I struggle with this as well! Growing up we were the only grandkids on my mothers side. Grandma came to spend the holiday at our house. We got to open the gifts and play all day in jammies. It was so fun! With my Dads side, we got together on another day.

 

Now that I have kids of my own, my mother will not realize that I might want to have Christmas at home. She says that "this is how Christmas always was!" But she seems to forget that she is the grandma now. So, like you, we open gifts on Christmas morning at home, but then we have the get ready scramble to make it to my mothers before everybody starts calling and bugging us to hurry up. Last year they called 4 times before we got there. The kids hate having to leave the toys in their packaging at home. It just doesnt feel so Christmasy! To add to this, we have the complication of a kiddo with a Christmas Eve birthday. We try to not allow his birthday to get steamrolled over because of all that! :thumbdown:

[theYoungerMrsWarde]

We do! But dh's family lives 5 minutes away, so it's not that difficult. The kids open presents from my side of the family (all out of state and too far to visit) and from dh and me. Then we go over to dh's parents for breakfast and the rest of the day. Dh has his parents, a sister, and a grandma, so his whole side fits in the in-law's living room.

[somo_chickenlady]

When I was growing up, we opened our gifts at my grandparents' on Christmas Eve, then after we opened our gifts at our own house we went back over there.

 

With DS, we have always done Christmas with my parents on Christmas Eve, but we have always gone over to DH's parents' house on Christmas morning. Before we moved to a different state, we would go over there around 8am, but now we stay there when we are in town so we are already there.

 

So, anyway....yes, we went over to grandma and grandpa's house on Christmas morning. ;)

[lynn]

We decided when we had children that we absolutely would not travel on Christmas. Everyone is invited to our house but Christmas is our day to stay home, relax and enjoy a very leisurely day. the kids can take their time opening gifts. I make a simple breakfast, plan a simple lunch or we plan a late afternoon meal at the Waffle House.

[AdventureMoms]

Growing up we had 3 Christmases. One for just my parents and sibs at home, one at my maternal grandmothers with all the family, one at my paternal grandmother's with all of that family. Usually one of the "big family" Christmases was on Christmas day so we had our immediate family Christmas on a different day. We knew that Santa was smart enough to understand this, mom always let him know.

 

I really liked it this way, even though we didn't open our main gifts from mom and dad on Christmas most years. We got to have one day that was quiet as a family, to open our gifts in peace and take our time playing with them, etc. Then on the big family days we got to go spend the whole day there and it wasn't such a rush to get out the door since ALL we had to do was the family event. We only brought the gifts for that particular Christmas. It did take some organization on my mom's part, and it does draw out the process over three days, but it is a lot of fun.

 

For now, both of those families still get together, so we do Christmas with the "immediate family" which includes my single brother, my parents, my wife, and my children, then the same "big family" Christmases as when we were kids. The "immediate family" one is sometimes at our house, sometimes at my mom's, depending on how it works out. It still isn't important to me which day we celebrate on, as long as we get to spend time with as much of our family as possible!

[AdventureMoms]

.

[Mommy22alyns]

We used to go Christmas Eve, and then for a couple of years it was MIL's on CE and traipse to BIL's on Christmas. Like we should pack two younger kids in the car ON Christmas Day, take them away from the toys they just opened... very annoying. I hated it - why should they always get to hold court and WE have to travel for hours?

 

Anyway, DH's job conveniently precluded us traveling on Christmas Day last year and MIL came to us. This year, it's DH's job and Becca's gymnastics. Score. And I don't have to put up with BIL's kids. Double score

[Impish]

I put my foot down as a single mom, when I only had my ds.

 

My mother expected ds and I to be there from the 24-26.

 

Nope, nope, nope.

 

We ended up going either the aft of 25, or the 26.

 

Now that we live in a diff province from any parents, it's wonderful. Absolutely no where we have to be, nobody we need to see, nada. We have Christmas exactly as suits us, w/no need for explanations or apologies.

 

We lounge around in pjs all day, kids play w/their toys, no stress, no worry. Love it!

[Occasionally]

When DD was very little, we would do the trucking around to both sets of grandparents, but when I was expecting DS6, he was due to arrive on Christmas. I took the opportunity to tell everyone to come to our house (and bring food!) I still host all of my DH's family for Christmas dinner, but my family meets on New Year's to exchange gifts. So far it's working, but if it stops working, we'll figure something else out.

[sbgrace]

When I was growing my my dad was adamant that Christmas Day was at our own home. I think it's perfectly reasonable to want to have Christmas with kids in your own home.

 

We sometimes do our home and sometimes grandparents but if I felt strongly I would have no hesitation stating what works best for my kids and family on Christmas.

[bettyandbob]

We go to my parents around noon. They live half a mile away. We have time at home to hang out in pjs before. I'm not sure what will happen this year. My brother's family is going on a trip.

[bettyandbob]

We go to my parents around noon. They live half a mile away. We have time at home to hang out in pjs before. I'm not sure what will happen this year. My brother's family is going on a trip.

[gardenmom5]

Growing up, we went to either my paternal or maternal grandparents on christmas day. sometimes a maternal great-aunt. later it was christmas eve, and someone else christmas day. there was always tension.

 

with my own famiy, dh's family does thanksgiving every year. (It's not at my house this year. :happy dance:)

 

My mother (died '09) and maternal grandmother (died '93) would usually come to our house for christmas day. we finally made the rule of dinner was on christmas eve, and day was just our family. later my mother would come in time for presents on christmas day, but not every year. sometimes, my mother would go to my brother's out of state. she preferred my house.

 

so, christmas is our family. this year, I expect dd will bring her roommate as her mother doesn't live in the US. oh, and tradition is no one is allowed to wake up mom/go into the living room before 8am. (that started the year I was up past 2am putting things under the tree. There are advantages to adult children.) It was hysterical to listen to my kids outside my bedroom door whispering to each other "what time is it? is it 8 o'clock yet?"

[JFSinIL]

The Grandfolks need to realize it is time to let the new generation enjoy THEIR kids having Christmas at THEIR home now - Grandfolks are for the afternoon meal and then more presents at Grandma's house. Morning present time for kids happens in their own home.

You gotta put your foot down. Time for new traditions. Been there, done that dance (and had to hush an aunt who insisted my kids could do their presents Christmas Eve to get them out of the way so Christmas Day could be spent at Grandma's house. No.way!)

[Julie Smith]

We do. But we go to Gramma's on the 24th and stay till the 26th. (or so).

 

If we do a Christmas at home it's a very small affair of the kids choosing. I'm not a big Christmas person.

 

So we don't have the Christmas rush on the 25th. I suppose if I wanted my own family Christmas it would be a very different story.

[Joker]

Growing up, we always went to our grandparent's house on Christmas Day. I loved it! As an adult we would go over on Christmas after opening our own gifts when we lived near grandparents. We don't live near any family now so we spend Christmas with just ourselves. My dds miss spending the holidays with grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins and often ask when we can go visit for the holidays again. :sad:

[weddell]

Growing up we did presents from our parents on Christmas eve night. Then in the morning we would wake up and open presents from Santa. This way we got to play with things Christmas Eve night at home and then still got the joy of coming down in the morning to see what Santa brought (obviously just my parents splitting the presents into two groups). Then mid-day or so we would go to my paternal grandmother's house for Christmas dinner with aunts, uncles, and cousins. My dad is one of 6 so it was a big group. We did Christmas with my maternal grandmother, aunts, uncles, and cousins (my mom is also one of 6) on another weekend in December. I always thought this worked well since we weren't rushed opening our own presents at home but we all LOVED the BIG gatherings at both grandmas' houses.

 

I wanted to agree with a previous poster who said to make sure that you are setting the example for visiting extended family that you hope your children will follow as adults (although I don't mean being a pushover or giving up all your nuclear family time). Since my parents are both from big families we usually had big holidays events even if they weren't on the actual holiday. DH's family didn't often visit family on holidays and now his parents have a hard time understanding why their 2 sons don't make more of an effort to visit for holidays. It's simply because they didn't grow up doing that and now they don't place as much importance on it as my family does.

[cindergretta]

I grew up overseas so having family over or going to see family wasn't an option. Now I live 15-20 minutes from my parents and my mil and brothers-in-law. For the first few years of our marriage, we ran all over God's half acre on every holiday - morning at our house, church, my parents' house, his mom's house, and home. About 5 years of doing that and we cried "uncle!" Now holidays vary, we will go to his mom's house or my folks' house but not both, depending on the holiday - EXCEPT Christmas. Christmas is at our house. Anyone is welcome at any time - join us for gift opening, breakfast, dinner, evening, whenever you want, as long as you want, but we don't leave our house. It was just too much. Dh's brothers have no children and my only sibling lives overseas (for the last almost 14 years) so we are the only ones with children. We just explained it was ridiculous for us to haul a pack of children all over the place and not relax on Christmas. No one except my mother complained. And nothing anyone ever does makes her happy anyway and half the time she excludes herself, so... :glare: (By other holidays I am talking but New Year's Eve/Day, Easter, July 4th, Thanksgiving, etc. Yes, they are all a Hollywood production around here. :laugh: )

[mom2scouts]

We have 5 children and we have *always* visited the grandparents on Christmas day. When my olders were little and my in-laws were alive, we would drive one hour to visit my parents early in the day and then drive two hours in the afternoon for an evening Christmas meal with dh's parents. By the time we got to 5 kids it was too much and we would visit the in-laws the day after Christmas. Now that my kids are getting to adulthood and my parents are getting older and live in a tiny house, I would love to move Christmas day celebrations to my house if I could get my mom to give up her idea of how Christmas should be.

[twoxcell]

We go to my parents house on Christmas Eve and have dinner and a gift exchange with my family. On Christmas day we do our own gifts at home and then go to my in-laws for lunch and gifts with my dh's family.

[trlt]

I wish that we could go to my parents on the afternoon of Christmas day after a morning of just our family opening presents and enjoying Christmas morning. We live way too far away so every year we travel 18+ hours to spend from Christmas to New Years with my family. We still get to celebrate Christmas morning with just our family because my parents travel to see my dad's family for Christmas eve and then spend the night at my mom's sisters house. We get up in the morning and open our presents and then we get ready and travel 3 1/2 hours to spend the rest of Christmas with my mom's side of the family. I wouldn't change that for the world, it's a wonderful celebration. It would be nice if we lived closer though so we could be at home on Christmas morning and then do all the other stuff.

I would relax about worrying about getting there too late. Your husbands siblings probably won't revolt over having to wait to open presents until later in the day! Just enjoy your time and go there when you feel like it!

[kubiac]

Yes, but it's only a 15-minute drive to a nearby neighborhood.

 

They come over to our house for Christmas Eve, and then we hang out at their house for most of Christmas Day--it starts with presents and a brunch buffet in the morning and then a big family dinner in the late afternoon/early evening. The younger grownups (DH, my brothers and I) usually ditch the kid and head out for a special movie around midday! :)