Is s*x a deep comfort for men?

[Soror]

I don't need flowers, poetry or romantic dinners, but watching him do the dishes...well that is the best foreplay. LOL

 

:iagree: LOL! Where are the Christian women admonishing men to do the dishes, huh?

 

I told dh about this person's view. He, like some pp's husbands, thought the idea was wretched, not just the crappy theology, but the fragrance, ewwww! I wonder if people realize how limited their understanding of life is. Do they not see how they are twisting the Bible to fit into their own tiny box of what life is supposed to be? Being that Jesus was a Jewish male, which from my (albeit) limited understanding had many rules on restrictions of intercourse the idea that he is commanding we all have sex every day is absurd and ignorant. If you want to and it works for you, great, but it certainly isn't a requirement.

 

I wonder if people really are so miserable that they make up these rules for everyone else to follow. Maybe if they would stop with all their legalistic crap they wouldn't have to make up all this stuff to try and have a happy marriage. Seriously, it isn't that complicated. There is give and take. It isn't all on the women (or the men). You respect each other, you pray together and you (both) try to treat each other as you would want to be treated. We are all children of God though and need to respect ourselves in that regard and not let anyone, including our spouse, devalue us and by extension God in treating us poorly.

[Joanne]

I read the entire thread, but am responding to the OP only.

 

That kind of perspective makes a caricature of men (and women), subjugates women, and makes a mockery of marriage and Christianity.

[mommaduck]

Just want to inform everybody that if you google "fragrant beds fully passionate men would rather clip hedges" in an attempt to find the blog the OP was reading, it won't work.

 

All I can find are gardening articles!

I'm guessing it's this one (you only need to google "men would rather clip hedges") ;) http://bealivingsacrifice.blogspot.com/

 

 

There's another article here http://www.marriagemissions.com/to-wives-why-is-sex-so-important/

 

 

Goodness, just read it! A couple of things: She definitely did NOT describe my husband (everything from what they want, how often they NEED it, and how they are desperately Tempted by all the other women out there). And she knows how to really trash another woman that doesn't do it exactly as she does it.

Edited August 3, 2012 by mommaduck

[stripe]

She didn't mean it, Male Swimmers! (Stop trying to ruin it for the rest of us, Lady.)

 

Yeah, well, I've got news for you. Regular men see those swimmers, and they copy.

 

I've seen men with huge tummies wearing trunks that show a crack.

 

Male swimmers -- pull them up!

4 years ago someone wondered

Why does Michael Phelps wear his swim trunks down so low on his waist?

 

Is it to invite a swift kick in the groinal region or is there some other reason he wears his speedos down so low on his waist?

 

** Check out the answer from Senior Citizens Rule. ;)

 

5 years ago someone wondered

How low can i wear my low rise swim trunks?

Edited August 3, 2012 by stripe

[Kathryn]

I'm guessing it's this one (you only need to google "men would rather clip hedges") ;) http://bealivingsacrifice.blogspot.com/

 

 

There's another article here http://www.marriagemissions.com/to-wives-why-is-sex-so-important/

 

 

Goodness, just read it! A couple of things: She definitely did NOT describe my husband (everything from what they want, how often they NEED it, and how they are desperately Tempted by all the other women out there). And she knows how to really trash another woman that doesn't do it exactly as she does it.

 

I just read the first one. I have so many responses to the details. Overall, though, two words sum it all up: anger and disgust.

[PrairieSong]

Wow, way to caricature men AND women. I don't understand why people do this. Each person is a unique individual. Each marriage is unique.

 

My dh would send the kids outside to clip hedges in the freezing rain and take me into the bedroom.

[mlbuchina]

I think it's another stereotype (which may be true for *some* men, but not all) that somehow sells marriage books. I've begun counseling young couples to not read a single book on marriage and/or sex until they've been married at least a year because nobody else should be telling them how to love and relate to THEIR unique spouse.

 

That said, *I* find s*x to be a comfort and security in my relationship way more than dh and it's books like these that have made me feel like an alien nympho.

 

I love that advice, and will be borrowing it for my dc when the time comes.

 

All our married life, we have joked that I am the guy and my dh is the girl when it comes to s*x. My libido is much higher than his. I do take comfort and feel loved and that our relationship is doing well when we are together frequently. Sometimes I think he could take it or leave it.:D

[mlbuchina]

:iagree: LOL! Where are the Christian women admonishing men to do the dishes, huh?

 

I told dh about this person's view. He, like some pp's husbands, thought the idea was wretched, not just the crappy theology, but the fragrance, ewwww! I wonder if people realize how limited their understanding of life is. Do they not see how they are twisting the Bible to fit into their own tiny box of what life is supposed to be? Being that Jesus was a Jewish male, which from my (albeit) limited understanding had many rules on restrictions of intercourse the idea that he is commanding we all have sex every day is absurd and ignorant. If you want to and it works for you, great, but it certainly isn't a requirement.

 

I wonder if people really are so miserable that they make up these rules for everyone else to follow. Maybe if they would stop with all their legalistic crap they wouldn't have to make up all this stuff to try and have a happy marriage. Seriously, it isn't that complicated. There is give and take. It isn't all on the women (or the men). You respect each other, you pray together and you (both) try to treat each other as you would want to be treated. We are all children of God though and need to respect ourselves in that regard and not let anyone, including our spouse, devalue us and by extension God in treating us poorly.

 

well said. thank you

[KnitWit]

I'm guessing it's this one (you only need to google "men would rather clip hedges") ;) http://bealivingsacrifice.blogspot.com/

 

Sorry...I couldn't get past "Dear Ones, ". BLECH.

[fairfarmhand]

Everyone else has said what I wanted to, so I'm going to run at this from an opposite angle.

 

I've had women tell me that I no longer had to have s*x, brew certain kinds of TeA, b/c I was now married. "Now that you're married, once a month is fine!"

 

So, the bait and switch mentality is also alive and well. And yeah, I think that's just as damaging as telling ppl that it MUST happen xs per wk/mth.

:iagree:

I know, it won't work if both aren't committed to that ideal. Which is going to represent probably the majority of marriages today, for lots and lots of reasons. I know saying it won't make it immediately possible or even probable for everyone.

 

I always want to put it out there, though, so that women can at least hear that the model being presented to them in some homeschooling circles is not biblical and shouldn't be used as a measuring stick for their own marriage. They shouldn't feel guilty for not being the homemaking and s*xual dynamo that Mrs. So-and-so claims to be. They shouldn't feel responsible if they are not married to Mr. Wonderful and can't make him happy by sheer force of will (like Debi Pearl teaches). They shouldn't feel as if their bodies are disobedient to God because they are physically unable to bring unlimited children into the world.

 

Above all, they should hear from someone that they are not obligated to endure marital rape for Jesus' sake. They don't have to see themselves as s*x slaves to unregenerate husbands. Their husband is to be their protector, not their oppressor, and he is to love them as Christ loves the church. He is to love his wife as he loves his own body.

 

Women who have been under these extra-biblical teachings need to learn of their true worth to God. They are His precious daughters, not temple prostitutes. They exist as all people do for His glory, not for the glory of their husbands. They are not here for the sole purpose of procreation, at the expense of their own health, their personal calling from the Lord, or even their life in some instances. Some of them don't know that what they're experiencing is abusive, so I have to speak up for the truth for their sake.

 

There are men, too, who are feeling like absolute failures because they simply have none of the patriarch in them. They don't want to watch their wives go through a pregnancy every year. They know they can't afford 20 children. Maybe they don't agree with homeschooling. Maybe they disagree with the teachings about spousal roles and s*xuality, but they don't know how else to live as a Christian and they don't want to be like their own Dads were. This lifestyle is the model being presented to them as Christianity, and they want godly homes.

 

I was helping to counsel a man like this, just this past weekend. He wants an egalitarian marriage with Christ at the center, but his wife is having none of it. She will not work with him in any area of the home, but insists that he follow what she's learning at church. He is being bullied by her homeschool group and her pastor and his marriage is at risk, when he's just a very normal man trying to have a normal home.

 

Some of us are speaking out now, as these Methods for the Proper Christian Home are sweeping the homeschooling community and now churches, as well. It's a very big situation.

 

I might be able to teach the truth as I know it from scripture, and I might be able to convince a woman that what I'm saying is true. But I can't do anything about her husband if he is abusing her and won't listen to me or anyone else. All I can do is tell her what she has a right to in her own home, and what her legal rights are, and help her find resources if she realizes that she or her children are being abused. At the very least I can be the first person she hears it from. I can be one Christian woman to cast some doubt on the whole paradigm, even if her chance to get out of it won't come for some time.

 

excellent post!

 

Can you see this on your Flylady evening routine:

1. Shine sink

2. Get out clothes for tomorrow (who does that by the way?)

3. Tuck kids in

4. Wash face

5. Have sex with husband

 

How demoralizing is that for a marriage. I think my husband would rather not do it so often than feel like I was checking him off my to-do list.

JMO,

Joy

 

my dh is the same way.

 

:iagree: LOL! Where are the Christian women admonishing men to do the dishes, huh?

 

I told dh about this person's view. He, like some pp's husbands, thought the idea was wretched, not just the crappy theology, but the fragrance, ewwww! I wonder if people realize how limited their understanding of life is. Do they not see how they are twisting the Bible to fit into their own tiny box of what life is supposed to be? Being that Jesus was a Jewish male, which from my (albeit) limited understanding had many rules on restrictions of intercourse the idea that he is commanding we all have sex every day is absurd and ignorant. If you want to and it works for you, great, but it certainly isn't a requirement.

 

I wonder if people really are so miserable that they make up these rules for everyone else to follow. Maybe if they would stop with all their legalistic crap they wouldn't have to make up all this stuff to try and have a happy marriage. Seriously, it isn't that complicated. There is give and take. It isn't all on the women (or the men). You respect each other, you pray together and you (both) try to treat each other as you would want to be treated. We are all children of God though and need to respect ourselves in that regard and not let anyone, including our spouse, devalue us and by extension God in treating us poorly.

:iagree:

 

I looked at that blog and the ages of her kids. Makes me wonder if her older kids have access to internet. My kids would be MORTIFIED if I'd written what she has about my personal marital issues.

[LostSurprise]

:iagree: LOL! Where are the Christian women admonishing men to do the dishes, huh?

 

 

 

Really? This has been a big thing since the '90s...before the whole intensive married sex discussion. When we went in for pre-marital counseling we had to watch a video series that equated doing the dishes with foreplay (we found that funny). It was common in various evangelical sects for there to be a once a year sermon about giving your wife a chance to relax and contributing to home and kids before having any expectations. Every. single. time. they mention doing the dishes. Its kind of a cliche.

 

 

 

I'm not much for self-help books, particularly ones about sex. I think 2 people are so unique that no book is going to do as well as communication skills, affection, and time. However, I don't see a reason to scorn the lady, or her husband, or Christians who want to talk about sex because of this.

 

In many Christian circles, sex has only been talked about in the last generation. Birds and the Bees? Maybe you'll get a talk (often not). Sexual problems? Your own business. I may not be interested in writing about my own sex life, but I can understand that the push back from all these years silence might go too far as people find their boundaries.

 

I haven't been to the blog, but I didn't see anything in the OP that suggested abuse in this case. Could it turn into abuse? Sure. Anything could turn into abuse. We're stupid, selfish human beings.

 

Whatever we think, others have different problems then our own. I try hard not to judge people who have to look harder for answers than I do. Nor do I find it strange that someone who thinks their sex life is broken would try different things to try to fix it, including changing their attitude (preparation) or increasing their frequency (daily) to see what works for them. I don't live there.

 

If someone is looking at the blog and it appeals to them, who am I to make fun of them? If you feel kinda hinky reading it, dang leave it alone.

[HappyCrazyMama]

Really? This has been a big thing since the '90s...before the whole intensive married sex discussion. When we went in for pre-marital counseling we had to watch a video series that equated doing the dishes with foreplay (we found that funny). It was common in various evangelical sects for there to be a once a year sermon about giving your wife a chance to relax and contributing to home and kids before having any expectations. Every. single. time. they mention doing the dishes. Its kind of a cliche.

 

 

 

I'm not much for self-help books, particularly ones about sex. I think 2 people are so unique that no book is going to do as well as communication skills, affection, and time. However, I don't see a reason to scorn the lady, or her husband, or Christians who want to talk about sex because of this.

 

In many Christian circles, sex has only been talked about in the last generation. Birds and the Bees? Maybe you'll get a talk (often not). Sexual problems? Your own business. I may not be interested in writing about my own sex life, but I can understand that the push back from all these years silence might go too far as people find their boundaries.

 

I haven't been to the blog, but I didn't see anything in the OP that suggested abuse in this case. Could it turn into abuse? Sure. Anything could turn into abuse. We're stupid, selfish human beings.

 

Whatever we think, others have different problems then our own. I try hard not to judge people who have to look harder for answers than I do. Nor do I find it strange that someone who thinks their sex life is broken would try different things to try to fix it, including changing their attitude (preparation) or increasing their frequency (daily) to see what works for them. I don't live there.

 

If someone is looking at the blog and it appeals to them, who am I to make fun of them? If you feel kinda hinky reading it, dang leave it alone.

 

I heard it on the radio once, Focus on the Family I think. Never heard it anywhere else, dh has only ever heard me say it, he thinks I'm joking.:tongue_smilie:

[JumpyTheFrog]

Mr. Hoppy and I discussed this thread last night. He agreed with me that even 15-17 year old boys, who are consumed by hormones, would not want to keep up the "every day" pace for long. After a week or two, they'd be tired one night, or would want to play video games, or do something else. And if horny teenage boys wouldn't be interested every day, week after week, then why should she tell mothers that they should be, decade after decade?

[I.Dup.]

Really? This has been a big thing since the '90s...before the whole intensive married sex discussion. When we went in for pre-marital counseling we had to watch a video series that equated doing the dishes with foreplay (we found that funny). It was common in various evangelical sects for there to be a once a year sermon about giving your wife a chance to relax and contributing to home and kids before having any expectations. Every. single. time. they mention doing the dishes. Its kind of a cliche.

 

 

 

I'm not much for self-help books, particularly ones about sex. I think 2 people are so unique that no book is going to do as well as communication skills, affection, and time. However, I don't see a reason to scorn the lady, or her husband, or Christians who want to talk about sex because of this.

 

In many Christian circles, sex has only been talked about in the last generation. Birds and the Bees? Maybe you'll get a talk (often not). Sexual problems? Your own business. I may not be interested in writing about my own sex life, but I can understand that the push back from all these years silence might go too far as people find their boundaries.

 

I haven't been to the blog, but I didn't see anything in the OP that suggested abuse in this case. Could it turn into abuse? Sure. Anything could turn into abuse. We're stupid, selfish human beings.

 

Whatever we think, others have different problems then our own. I try hard not to judge people who have to look harder for answers than I do. Nor do I find it strange that someone who thinks their sex life is broken would try different things to try to fix it, including changing their attitude (preparation) or increasing their frequency (daily) to see what works for them. I don't live there.

 

If someone is looking at the blog and it appeals to them, who am I to make fun of them? If you feel kinda hinky reading it, dang leave it alone.

 

I didn't mean for this to turn into anything about the blog author personally, that is why I didn't even share the link. I read her blog because I DO think she has interesting and inspiring things to say (as the mother of a large family, I am amazed that she manages to keep herself up the way she does, but of course she does it for her husband's visual needs!)

 

I did not mean to make fun of her at all. I have read many things like this, this certainly is not exclusive to her personally. I guess I'm always kindof weirded out by this attitude and wanted to open it up for discussion.

 

 

I looked at that blog and the ages of her kids. Makes me wonder if her older kids have access to internet. My kids would be MORTIFIED if I'd written what she has about my personal marital issues.

 

I did wonder the same. :001_huh: I am assuming (hoping!) she doesn't let her kids read her blog. She goes into a LOT of detail about sexual things.

 

Just want to inform everybody that if you google "fragrant beds fully passionate men would rather clip hedges" in an attempt to find the blog the OP was reading, it won't work.

 

All I can find are gardening articles!

 

:lol::lol:

Edited August 3, 2012 by blessedwinter

[Catwoman]

I did not mean to make fun of her at all. I have read many things like this, this certainly is not exclusive to her personally. I guess I'm always kindof weirded out by this attitude and wanted to open it up for discussion.

 

 

 

Don't apologize. You didn't make fun of her. (I'm pretty sure I did, but let's not go there right now. :tongue_smilie:)

 

As far as I (and many others here) are concerned, Blogger Woman said some pretty idiotic things. And if some people agree with her, or interpreted her intentions differently, that's fine, too. But you don't need to apologize for anything you said.

 

I can tell that you're a very kind person and that you don't want to offend anyone, but don't let it bother you if someone disagrees with you or criticizes you for posting what you think. If you believe something to be true, or think something is stupid or amusing or evil or whatever, go ahead and say so. Your opinions and feelings are as valid as everyone else's. :grouphug:

[Catwoman]

I did wonder the same. :001_huh: I am assuming (hoping!) she doesn't let her kids read her blog. She goes into a LOT of detail about sexual things.

 

 

"Hey, Mom! Jimmy's dad from down the street just read your blog and he smiled at me really weird and said that Dad is one lucky man. What did he mean by that? .....oh, and Jimmy's mom wants to know when we'll be moving out of town." :tongue_smilie:

[Coffeetime]

Sorry...I couldn't get past "Dear Ones, ". BLECH.

 

You're lucky. I managed to skim through it. I need to go bleach my brain now...

 

 

Don't apologize. You didn't make fun of her. (I'm pretty sure I did, but let's not go there right now. :tongue_smilie:)

 

As far as I (and many others here) are concerned, Blogger Woman said some pretty idiotic things. And if some people agree with her, or interpreted her intentions differently, that's fine, too. But you don't need to apologize for anything you said.

 

I can tell that you're a very kind person and that you don't want to offend anyone, but don't let it bother you if someone disagrees with you or criticizes you for posting what you think. If you believe something to be true, or think something is stupid or amusing or evil or whatever, go ahead and say so. Your opinions and feelings are as valid as everyone else's. :grouphug:

 

:iagree:

[I.Dup.]

Don't apologize. You didn't make fun of her. (I'm pretty sure I did, but let's not go there right now. :tongue_smilie:)

 

As far as I (and many others here) are concerned, Blogger Woman said some pretty idiotic things. And if some people agree with her, or interpreted her intentions differently, that's fine, too. But you don't need to apologize for anything you said.

 

I can tell that you're a very kind person and that you don't want to offend anyone, but don't let it bother you if someone disagrees with you or criticizes you for posting what you think. If you believe something to be true, or think something is stupid or amusing or evil or whatever, go ahead and say so. Your opinions and feelings are as valid as everyone else's. :grouphug:

 

Thank you so much.

 

"Hey, Mom! Jimmy's dad from down the street just read your blog and he smiled at me really weird and said that Dad is one lucky man. What did he mean by that? .....oh, and Jimmy's mom wants to know when we'll be moving out of town." :tongue_smilie:

 

I know, right?! :lol:

[gardening momma]

She said a man would rather clip hedges outside in the freezing rain than have s*x with a wife who is not into it and fully passionate.

:rofl::lol::smilielol5::laugh::lol: <---hilarious laughter

 

Dh would not agree with that. He'd much rather have teA, even when I'm not in the mood, than do yard work in any weather.

 

:lol::lol::lol:

[I.Dup.]

:rofl::lol::smilielol5::laugh::lol: <---hilarious laughter

 

Dh would not agree with that. He'd much rather have teA, even when I'm not in the mood, than do yard work in any weather.

 

:lol::lol::lol:

 

Same here. Quickies are A-OK around here if you know what I mean. LOL

[Marylou]

Sorry...I couldn't get past "Dear Ones, ". BLECH.

 

 

I made it as far as the kitten dropping dead under "Wounds".

[Marylou]

If the wife says yes, but does not make an effort to get really evolved with him, he hears her saying . . .

 

what does that even mean?

 

And I had a wonderful elderly friend who used the term "Dear One" and she really meant it and made others feel special.

[Jean in Newcastle]

OK - I read the blog. I can see that one of her motivations is to get Christian women to see that it's ok to have pleasure in s*x. And I see that she wants to get across that when a man wants s*x there is an emotional connection there instead of just a animalistic lust. But having said that, surely men can feel an emotional connection to their wife outside of the bedroom. I'm fairly sure that she is from a background that wouldn't condone premarital s*x and I hope that she recognizes that her husband had an emotional connection and love for her even before they consummated the relationship. And surely women too feel an emotional connection their husband through s*x but also in other arenas. I just can't get over how dogmatic she is on frequency as if that is the only thing that ties that relationship together for the man.

 

I also had a huge problem with the entry where she counsels another woman and tells her that if she doesn't have daily s*x with her husband then God won't honor her desire to keep her husband faithful to her. Implicit in there is the message that the man would not be to blame if he looked elsewhere for s*xual fulfillment.

 

On a stylistic note, I found all the exclamation points and bolding distracting but that is a small point.

[Wendi]

I just checked out that blog. I did have a hard time getting past things like "husband's" instead of "husbands" and "evolved" instead of "involved". And reading about s*x alongside photos of all her kids.

 

One thing that really stood out to me is how she insisted that Song of Solomon is all about how women can please their husbands. Really? Women don't need pleasing? It seems all so one-sided.

 

I don't like the burdens she heaps on the wife. If she doesn't make love, enthusiastically, every day, her husband won't feel loved and may succumb to temptation to commit adultery? Husbands are adults with their own responsibilities, and (presumably, in the context of her blog) their own relationship with God. I think they can also realize that sometimes their wives may say no, and although they may FEEL rejected, they can also THINK and realize that, in the context of a loving relationship, there is a give and take, and one person's needs/wants can't always come first. And that sometimes you need to be happy with a quickie. :001_smile: I don't think it's fair to put so much burden for the dh's happiness, feeling loved, resisting temptation, etc., all on her, and specifically on her enthusiastic performance in the bedroom. And to imply that s*x is all about the dh bugs me. I hope in a later post, she's going to talk about how God wants husbands to please their wives.

 

Wendi

[QuirkyKapers]

:iagree: You can NOT compare your married life to another couple's married life. Each is different with different needs, different strengths, different weaknesses, different personalities, etc. Put those books down (take it from one that wishes she had never picked up books like that years ago).

 

My dh tells me this whenever I start making comparisons with others. We are in our marriage together and it is working. Who cares what anyone else says it should look like or what we should or should not be doing.

 

She didn't mean it, Male Swimmers! (Stop trying to ruin it for the rest of us, Lady.)/QUOTE]

:lol:

[Catwoman]

I also had a huge problem with the entry where she counsels another woman and tells her that if she doesn't have daily s*x with her husband then God won't honor her desire to keep her husband faithful to her. Implicit in there is the message that the man would not be to blame if he looked elsewhere for s*xual fulfillment.

 

Yeah, because apparently those vows he took when he got married are null and void if he's not getting s*x every night. :glare:

 

Maybe that woman and her dh spoke different vows than the rest of us did.

 

Because apparently, in their bizarre little world, adultery is a sin, but not if the dh needs more passionate and enthusiastic s*x than he's getting at home. Then it's OK. It's even expected. It's the wife's fault anyway, and it serves her right for not being Mrs Hotpants every night. If the wife gains weight, that's probably another nullifying factor, what with her not working hard enough to be physically pleasing to him and all.

 

What a nut.

 

I have to get off the computer for a while because I need to spread the fragrant rose petals on the bed in preparation for tonight's romantic interlude. Last night, I accidentally used Poison Ivy.

 

I don't want to talk about it.

 

Quick question, though -- could calamine lotion be used in place of massage oil?

 

I'm just wondering. It's not like I need to know.

Edited August 3, 2012 by Catwoman

[QuirkyKapers]

The crazy thing about this is I know someone who told the entire Sunday School class that when her dh wants it, she has to give it. That is part of being married. My dh and I looked at each other like, "Did she just really say that?" Of course now dh will jokingly say this. When we are tiffing about something sometimes I will say, "We must be fighting because I am not giving you s*x all the time." It is a great way to end the fight and dissolve into laughter.

 

I am not trying to bash anyone who really thinks this is what their role should be. People are different and have different needs whether male or female. So, I could see that some men need more physical action than others. I don't think that feeling loved comes exclusively from that act.

 

I just kept thinking, what happens if your wife becomes physically unable to perform due to some medical or other reason?

[fairfarmhand]

I've been thinking about this on and off all day. Here's what I think.

 

This woman has celebrated 25 years with her man. She has a lot of perspective. She also has many years since she was a mom with a baby and 2 toddlers and all the responsibilities of running the household, homeschooling and likely pregnant too.

 

She's probably, like within the last 10 years, come a long way in learning what pleases her guy. During that time, her kids have gotten older, and though she's kept on having babies, she's got the big kids' help with running the house.

 

I honestly believe that she's forgotten how exhausting it is to be a young mom with no support. Either that or time has dulled it. Kind of like, you all remember what it was like in your first 2 weeks postpartum, but experiencing it is, living it, is totally different.

 

I believe that she's a bit like a smoker who has finally shaken the addiction, and keeps on telling their smoking friends how great it is to not smoke.

 

Her error is that she's assuming what works for her marriage won't work for everyone's, and she is twisting the scripture to make it say things that it doesn't.

 

Oh and by the way, under Jewish law, a woman COULDN'T have sex every day. She had to wait (I think) 7 or 8 days to be purified from her uncleanness after her cycle.

[Jennifer3141]

I don't understand how any woman could read that blog post and not just burst out laughing? :glare:

[PeacefulChaos]

I'm going to be 100% honest and say that the point of view mentioned there is deeply disturbing to me.

Idk why. I just read it and thought... :ack2: Bleh...

[Guest]

Whenever I see blogs like this, I think, what is so inherently *godly* about the Victorian era? I don't get why Christianity/modesty/patriarchy and that whole venue is so often depicted in Victorian style.

 

Also, is it NECESSARY TO MAKE SURE EVERYONE HEARS WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT MARITAL TEA???Gak. The whole thing makes me want to barf all over my pristine prairie dress.

[fairfarmhand]

Whenever I see blogs like this, I think, what is so inherently *godly* about the Victorian era? I don't get why Christianity/modesty/patriarchy and that whole venue is so often depicted in Victorian style.

 

Also, is it NECESSARY TO MAKE SURE EVERYONE HEARS WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT MARITAL TEA???Gak. The whole thing makes me want to barf all over my pristine prairie dress.

:lol::lol::lol:

 

I like the "prettiness" of the Victorian style, but I don't want to live it.

 

And people have been the same since Adam and Eve..sinful. Even if the Victorians dressed it up prettier, I don't think they were much more virtuous than any other segment of history.

[Kathryn]

OK - I read the blog. I can see that one of her motivations is to get Christian women to see that it's ok to have pleasure in s*x. And I see that she wants to get across that when a man wants s*x there is an emotional connection there instead of just a animalistic lust. But having said that, surely men can feel an emotional connection to their wife outside of the bedroom. I'm fairly sure that she is from a background that wouldn't condone premarital s*x and I hope that she recognizes that her husband had an emotional connection and love for her even before they consummated the relationship. And surely women too feel an emotional connection their husband through s*x but also in other arenas. I just can't get over how dogmatic she is on frequency as if that is the only thing that ties that relationship together for the man.

 

I also had a huge problem with the entry where she counsels another woman and tells her that if she doesn't have daily s*x with her husband then God won't honor her desire to keep her husband faithful to her. Implicit in there is the message that the man would not be to blame if he looked elsewhere for s*xual fulfillment.

 

On a stylistic note, I found all the exclamation points and bolding distracting but that is a small point.

 

I just checked out that blog. I did have a hard time getting past things like "husband's" instead of "husbands" and "evolved" instead of "involved". And reading about s*x alongside photos of all her kids.

 

One thing that really stood out to me is how she insisted that Song of Solomon is all about how women can please their husbands. Really? Women don't need pleasing? It seems all so one-sided.

 

I don't like the burdens she heaps on the wife. If she doesn't make love, enthusiastically, every day, her husband won't feel loved and may succumb to temptation to commit adultery? Husbands are adults with their own responsibilities, and (presumably, in the context of her blog) their own relationship with God. I think they can also realize that sometimes their wives may say no, and although they may FEEL rejected, they can also THINK and realize that, in the context of a loving relationship, there is a give and take, and one person's needs/wants can't always come first. And that sometimes you need to be happy with a quickie. :001_smile: I don't think it's fair to put so much burden for the dh's happiness, feeling loved, resisting temptation, etc., all on her, and specifically on her enthusiastic performance in the bedroom. And to imply that s*x is all about the dh bugs me. I hope in a later post, she's going to talk about how God wants husbands to please their wives.

 

Wendi

 

:iagree: all of these stood out to me.

 

Yeah, because apparently those vows he took when he got married are null and void if he's not getting s*x every night. :glare:

 

Maybe that woman and her dh spoke different vows than the rest of us did.

 

Because apparently, in their bizarre little world, adultery is a sin, but not if the dh needs more passionate and enthusiastic s*x than he's getting at home. Then it's OK. It's even expected. It's the wife's fault anyway, and it serves her right for not being Mrs Hotpants every night. If the wife gains weight, that's probably another nullifying factor, what with her not working hard enough to be physically pleasing to him and all.

 

What a nut.

 

Exactly.

 

I have to get off the computer for a while because I need to spread the fragrant rose petals on the bed in preparation for tonight's romantic interlude. Last night, I accidentally used Poison Ivy.

 

I don't want to talk about it.

 

Quick question, though -- could calamine lotion be used in place of massage oil?

 

I'm just wondering. It's not like I need to know.

 

:lol: oops, I mean, yeah, that should work!

 

The crazy thing about this is I know someone who told the entire Sunday School class that when her dh wants it, she has to give it. That is part of being married. My dh and I looked at each other like, "Did she just really say that?" Of course now dh will jokingly say this. When we are tiffing about something sometimes I will say, "We must be fighting because I am not giving you s*x all the time." It is a great way to end the fight and dissolve into laughter.

 

I am not trying to bash anyone who really thinks this is what their role should be. People are different and have different needs whether male or female. So, I could see that some men need more physical action than others. I don't think that feeling loved comes exclusively from that act.

 

I just kept thinking, what happens if your wife becomes physically unable to perform due to some medical or other reason?

 

Me too. There are thousands of reasons that a man tht have to forego a day or more (remember she says AT LEAST daily) of s*x. What has she reduced men to that they can't feel loved without daily release?

 

Whenever I see blogs like this, I think, what is so inherently *godly* about the Victorian era? I don't get why Christianity/modesty/patriarchy and that whole venue is so often depicted in Victorian style.

 

Also, is it NECESSARY TO MAKE SURE EVERYONE HEARS WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT MARITAL TEA???Gak. The whole thing makes me want to barf all over my pristine prairie dress.

 

:lol:

[UnsinkableKristen]

My personal favorite was the part where it says that a man lives a work-filled, sad, meaningless life and the only thing that brings him joy is the warm "embrace" of his wife :D.

 

I read that to DH and for some reason he keeps moping around saying "Woe is me! My life is so SAD AND MEANINGLESS! WHAT EVER could make me feel like life is worth living??"

 

 

:lol::lol::lol:

[Kirch]

Just a PSA--when you link to a blog here and people follow that link, the blogger can see where the traffic is coming from and will be led to this post if she's curious about why she's getting all this traffic from here all of a sudden. Something to think about when you post links.;)

 

 

I like the "prettiness" of the Victorian style, but I don't want to live it.

 

And people have been the same since Adam and Eve..sinful. Even if the Victorians dressed it up prettier, I don't think they were much more virtuous than any other segment of history.

 

AMEN!!

 

My personal favorite was the part where it says that a man lives a work-filled, sad, meaningless life and the only thing that brings him joy is the warm "embrace" of his wife :D.

 

I read that to DH and for some reason he keeps moping around saying "Woe is me! My life is so SAD AND MEANINGLESS! WHAT EVER could make me feel like life is worth living??"

 

:lol::lol::lol:

 

:lol:

[shanvan]

My personal favorite was the part where it says that a man lives a work-filled, sad, meaningless life and the only thing that brings him joy is the warm "embrace" of his wife :D.

 

I read that to DH and for some reason he keeps moping around saying "Woe is me! My life is so SAD AND MEANINGLESS! WHAT EVER could make me feel like life is worth living??"

 

 

:lol::lol::lol:

 

I suspect he thinks you now have the answer! I'm not going to share this one with Dh.

[Bluegoat]

This is a load of bunk.

 

Yes, I think it is true that a lot of men find phsical intimacy to be a very powerful thing.

 

No, I don't think that is all they are capable of.

 

If that were true, marriages where physical intimacy were no longer possible would be in big trouble.

 

And considering that for 1900 years there weren't any really reliable means of birth control and the Christian Church rejected them all, I think we can say that there were times when couples had to abstain from sex for good reason, permanently. Not to mention shorter periods when it happened.

 

I'd say that I not only think this is untrue, I think it is a really dangerous teaching. Sex can become something we overindulge in just like food or any other physically satisfying urge. There may be times when the thing is important and even a duty - we may be required to eat to sustain the body even if it seems unappealing - but we can absolutely become a slave to it.

[mommaduck]

Blessedwinter, I did not mean to start a flaming or poking fun at. I did look it up to check context, etc, and because another was looking and could not find it. On the other hand, I find this stuff very sad. I used to fall for all this Victorian minded bunk when I was younger. What's worse is Scripture taken out of context and an inaccurate portrayal of history and culture. It also makes men appear as idiotic primates controlled by their hormones and cheapens women. None of which is what God intended.

[Kathryn]

Oh and by the way, under Jewish law, a woman COULDN'T have sex every day. She had to wait (I think) 7 or 8 days to be purified from her uncleanness after her cycle.

 

Forgot to quote this earlier. Yes, you're right. From first show of blood, a woman was not to be touched until she had been clean for seven days and then immersed. You're talking somewhere around two weeks every month of not having physical intimacy that was commanded by God and observed during the time Song of Solomon that she writes so much about was written. Nowhere did she mention where she came up with her figure of at least daily, but it certainly isn't Biblical.

[Dory]

Forgot to quote this earlier. Yes, you're right. From first show of blood, a woman was not to be touched until she had been clean for seven days and then immersed. You're talking somewhere around two weeks every month of not having physical intimacy that was commanded by God and observed during the time Song of Solomon that she writes so much about was written. Nowhere did she mention where she came up with her figure of at least daily, but it certainly isn't Biblical.

 

That's interesting. I was always taught that it was 8 days from the first show of blood. Not 8 days of no blood. I might have to re read that in my Hebrew.

[Kathryn]

That's interesting. I was always taught that it was 8 days from the first show of blood. Not 8 days of no blood. I might have to re read that in my Hebrew.

 

I just checked on a bunch of Jewish sites. That's what they said.

[LoriK]

It is all so clear now! That was why they had multiple wives in Bible times...so someone was always clean and available. Can't have that man feeling unloved. LOL

[elegantlion]

Everything in moderation. :D

[I.Dup.]

Just a PSA--when you link to a blog here and people follow that link, the blogger can see where the traffic is coming from and will be led to this post if she's curious about why she's getting all this traffic from here all of a sudden. Something to think about when you post links.;)

 

 

Another reason I didn't link to the blog. :001_unsure: I didn't think the blog was as important as the general idea, that is prevalent in these circles. I do agree it lessens men into some kind of sub-human animal, and I personally believe it does the same for any woman who follows these teachings, desperately hoping to keep her manimal satiated. :(

[stripe]

Let's not forget childbirth. I have a hard time believing that a woman who gave birth earlier in the day is in any way supposed to be worrying about her husband's libido right then.

Just a PSA--when you link to a blog here and people follow that link, the blogger can see where the traffic is coming from and will be led to this post if she's curious about why she's getting all this traffic from here all of a sudden. Something to think about when you post links.;)

 

That could be a good thing! ;)

[momacacia]

I would love to see a man weigh in on this thread.:)

 

I have to say for the "For Women Only" book and the blog's quotes of it, they are quoting actual men the author surveyed. Maybe all the men surveyed were nutjobs, but the comments just might be a peek into the real thoughts of a lot of guys about sex. Of course, all that really matters is what our husbands think, and we'll never know unless we ask.;)

[I.Dup.]

I would love to see a man weigh in on this thread.:)

 

I have to say for the "For Women Only" book and the blog's quotes of it, they are quoting actual men the author surveyed. Maybe all the men surveyed were nutjobs, but the comments just might be a peek into the real thoughts of a lot of guys about sex. Of course, all that really matters is what our husbands think, and we'll never know unless we ask.;)

 

Right. I wonder that too. My husband thinks this mindset is ridiculous and laughable and it seems that other women's husbands here do too, so either they are lying to us or they surveyed a very select group of men for that book. :confused:

[Jean in Newcastle]

Right. I wonder that too. My husband thinks this mindset is ridiculous and laughable and it seems that other women's husbands here do too, so either they are lying to us or they surveyed a very select group of men for that book. :confused:

 

My husband things that mindset is ridiculous too. And both he and I get very angry when people counter that he must be lying to me in order to have a different opinion! I mean, really?!

[KnitWit]

I have to get off the computer for a while because I need to spread the fragrant rose petals on the bed in preparation for tonight's romantic interlude. Last night, I accidentally used Poison Ivy.

 

I don't want to talk about it.

 

Quick question, though -- could calamine lotion be used in place of massage oil?

 

I'm just wondering. It's not like I need to know.

 

:lol: Oh my gosh! I cannot quit giggling!

[KnitWit]

My personal favorite was the part where it says that a man lives a work-filled, sad, meaningless life and the only thing that brings him joy is the warm "embrace" of his wife :D.

 

I read that to DH and for some reason he keeps moping around saying "Woe is me! My life is so SAD AND MEANINGLESS! WHAT EVER could make me feel like life is worth living??"

 

 

:lol::lol::lol:

 

:lol::lol:

 

My dh is like yours. :lol: