Is s*x a deep comfort for men?

[KnitWit]

My husband things that mindset is ridiculous too. And both he and I get very angry when people counter that he must be lying to me in order to have a different opinion! I mean, really?!

 

Oh yeah. Btdt. Makes us mad too.

[FaithManor]

Calamine lotion is a perfectly acceptable option for "fragrant massage oil" for the woodsman in your life! :biggrinjester:

 

Wow! The blog lady is just...uhm....she has some problems, let me just state it that way. She's got men pegged as nothing more than male goats in rut. (In case you've never encountered one, let me just say that they are disgusting. Sooooo disgusting as a matter of fact that one of the local small livestock vets tells people to SHOOT their buck if he gets sick or injured while in rut because he.is.not.going.to.deal.with.it.!!!!)

 

Everything Tibbie has said is, in my not so humble opinion :001_smile:, spot-on.

 

I hope no lady here will give the advice or assertions in that blog a single consideration. She does not paint a healthy picture of Christian marriage.

 

Faith

[fairfarmhand]

I hope no lady here will give the advice or assertions in that blog a single consideration. She does not paint a healthy picture of Christian marriage.

 

Faith

yes...ummm she references Song of Solomon as the ultimate authority for christian marriages/wives.

 

Yeah....SOLOMON? On marriage????? Because we all know how healthy his family life and upbringing was...:lol::lol::lol:

[KnitWit]

Yeah....SOLOMON? On marriage????? Because we all know how healthy his family life and upbringing was...:lol::lol::lol:

 

For REALS!

[FaithManor]

yes...ummm she references Song of Solomon as the ultimate authority for christian marriages/wives.

 

Yeah....SOLOMON? On marriage????? Because we all know how healthy his family life and upbringing was...:lol::lol::lol:

 

 

Seriously???? Well, so uhm...okay. Clearly the two authors were rather goey-eyed in love with each other. But, Solomon, of all the men in the world, is not the kind of guy that I'd want men to pattern themselves after. Sure dh, go ahead and try to bring home your first hundred concubines...you just try it. Hope you enjoy your new live as a EUNUCH!!!!!

 

I suppose it could be worse. She could have been citing Artaxerxes and Esther...you know because calling your wife in the nude to come entertain your drunken, Hooters' mentality friends, firing said wife from the post at the behest of your DRUNKEN PARTY BUDDIES, and then hosting the first Miss Persia contest so you can "try out your favorites for a night", pick one, and then consider lopping off her head the first time she attempts to speak to you without a summons is....yeah...that's a real marriage for ya!

 

The poor author, is every man she's ever known a real pig? Has she never met one that had a thought that originated above the waist? Because if she has not, I'm very, very saddened for her.

 

But, you know what it worse? The mentality she may be imparting to her sons. OH MY WORD! Can you imagine that, if this is what she tells her teenage sons they have a right to expect? That's just sickening. She could be turning them into self-centered monsters only for them to find out that not every woman in the world was raised to take the sum total of her self-esteem from being some dude's s8x toy. The disfunction could so easily continue into the next generation. That's the most twisted part of the whole thing.

 

Faith

[Kathryn]

Seriously???? Well, so uhm...okay. Clearly the two authors were rather goey-eyed in love with each other. But, Solomon, of all the men in the world, is not the kind of guy that I'd want men to pattern themselves after. Sure dh, go ahead and try to bring home your first hundred concubines...you just try it. Hope you enjoy your new live as a EUNUCH!!!!!

 

I suppose it could be worse. She could have been citing Artaxerxes and Esther...you know because calling your wife in the nude to come entertain your drunken, Hooters' mentality friends, firing said wife from the post at the behest of your DRUNKEN PARTY BUDDIES, and then hosting the first Miss Persia contest so you can "try out your favorites for a night", pick one, and then consider lopping off her head the first time she attempts to speak to you without a summons is....yeah...that's a real marriage for ya!

 

But, if it's in the Bible, it must be God's plan for marriage right? Right?

[fairfarmhand]

But, if it's in the Bible, it must be God's plan for marriage right? Right?

:iagree:

 

I could go off in a million directions here. But I will refrain.

 

You know, if that gal wants to please her husband every day or 40 times a day, that is her business. But she is distorting Scripture when she says that Bible commands women to "do it" every day whether they feel like it or not.

[Jennifer]

It is all so clear now! That was why they had multiple wives in Bible times...so someone was always clean and available. Can't have that man feeling unloved. LOL

Didn't you read The Red Tent?? :001_unsure::001_unsure::001_unsure:

 

All those wives ended up on the same cycle.

 

Jennifer

[Moxie]

I so hate this idea that the world outside our home is full of women just itching to seduce my DH and he is powerless against their charms. My DH works with a group of lovely married women who are no more interested in an affair than he is :glare:. How offensive.

[LoriK]

Didn't you read The Red Tent?? :001_unsure::001_unsure::001_unsure:

 

All those wives ended up on the same cycle.

 

Jennifer

 

That happened in my dorm when I was in college...what a fun week that was. LOL

[KungFuPanda]

I wonder if they wrote a separate book for the wives of men who have vibrant, fulfilling careers? Surely they must have different needs.

 

Right. I wonder that too. My husband thinks this mindset is ridiculous and laughable and it seems that other women's husbands here do too, so either they are lying to us or they surveyed a very select group of men for that book. :confused:

 

It's entirely possible that my husband may have responded to their survey several times and skewed the results, but you know, wantin' ain't gettin'. Since he's capable of skipping a night here and there without feeling deprived I think it's doable (no pun intended) without causing harm to the marriage. It's only been 22 years though, so maybe he's waiting for a good time to tell me how he 'really' feels.

 

Didn't you read The Red Tent?? :001_unsure::001_unsure::001_unsure:

 

All those wives ended up on the same cycle.

 

Jennifer

 

:lol: I'd forgotten about that book! It would be NICE to have another wife around here. We could get so much done!

[Embassy]

After reading a bit of her husband's blog I have much sympathy for this lady. I am so sad for her and her little girls and the life expected of them. She has some odd ideas, but it is probably pretty normal from her perspective. I really do hate legalism and I pray this family will come to know the freedom found in Christ and not rely on their own works any longer.

 

While my experience is quite different, I lived in legalism for a long time. It was normal and didn't seem so burdensome. It was only when I experienced freedom that I understood the weight I had been carrying around.

[Retired]

OH WOW!!! I feel for this women.

 

I've mention many times on this forum the legalism I grew up with. My mom is 63 right now and going through cancer so she sure has reevaluated her life

 

She was this women. My dad didn't want her to work so she would be available to have sex with him whenever. (I KNOW CREEP AND JERK) I call this spiritual abuse. I watch this lifestyle fold out with my parents. My mom was the submissive in all areas of her life. It really was a bad example to my sister, brother and I. We each have had difficulty with relationships and even more with the concept of Jesus love.

 

I've been married for 22 years. I've read lots of Christian marriage books. I do see some points regarding s*x. There is scripture to back up not withholding sex from our mate

 

BUT I see this more of a directive to not try to manipulate our spouse with s*x. I should be available for his needs and his mine but we also should be sensitive to each others mental, emotional and physical conditions.

 

Which mean there will be times we may want s*x with our spouse but understand it may not be the right time for them

 

I see blogs like this and just see the damage it does to families. Its not just the couple it really screws up the kids.

 

We were basically ignored while my mom fulfilled the "masters" s*x needs all in the name of Jesus.

 

I'm a Christian and love the Lord. He has given me a wonderful marriage to a man that knows I love him when I fix his lunch, make a favorite dessert etc. He does get grumpy and a little aggressive if he hasn't had s*x for while but he knows he is loved.

 

I think the grumpy part for him is s*x is his stress relief. He is just happier and easier to live with when we have an active s*x life. :D

[LucyStoner]

After reading a bit of her husband's blog I have much sympathy for this lady. I am so sad for her and her little girls and the life expected of them. She has some odd ideas, but it is probably pretty normal from her perspective. I really do hate legalism and I pray this family will come to know the freedom found in Christ and not rely on their own works any longer.

 

While my experience is quite different, I lived in legalism for a long time. It was normal and didn't seem so burdensome. It was only when I experienced freedom that I understood the weight I had been carrying around.

 

This is so true.

 

Blogging seems to be a family affair-- her blog has links to not only her husband's blog (where he extends no women preaching to that it is unacceptable to have a woman teach a young man in Sunday school or in a private church school) but also many of her children. So I am assuming they all know about and read her blog. Shudder.

 

I can't fathom putting out this much information about my sexual relationship on a blog like this, where work clients, my neighbors, my father or my old classmates can see it. I am far from conservative and find it immodest. It seems a little voyeuristic. Like "look at us and our sex life."

[Parrothead]

Where can I find a link to these blogs? Curiosity is making me nuts.

[Embassy]

This is so true.

 

Blogging seems to be a family affair-- her blog has links to not only her husband's blog (where he extends no women preaching to that it is unacceptable to have a woman teach a young man in Sunday school or in a private church school) but also many of her children.

 

It grieves me that little girls should have to grow up with their destiny chosen for them. To fulfill God's will in their book a woman must be as a servant to her husband. Apparently, her God given mission is to fulfill her husband and meet his needs. Girls are trained to do the same for their future husbands. Even then the cleanliness of the home is supposed to be representative of the spiritual state of the wife. :001_huh: Their kids have lived a fish-bowl life. The pressure to be perfect is probably constant. I know they mentioned how their children's good table manners and behavior helped them get churches to sponsor their ministry as they travelled from church to church. :sad:

[LucyStoner]

It grieves me that little girls should have to grow up with their destiny chosen for them. To fulfill God's will in their book a woman must be as a servant to her husband. Apparently, her God given mission is to fulfill her husband and meet his needs. Girls are trained to do the same for their future husbands. Even then the cleanliness of the home is supposed to be representative of the spiritual state of the wife. :001_huh: Their kids have lived a fish-bowl life. The pressure to be perfect is probably constant. I know they mentioned how their children's good table manners and behavior helped them get churches to sponsor their ministry as they travelled from church to church. :sad:

 

I have a friend who was raised in a legalistic church community and young marriage was required. Girls were not given much education beyond the bible and how-to live like this books. After having a couple of kids each by their late teens, her sister and her had had enough and they took their kids, ran away, got divorces on DV grounds, left the state and went to school, trading childcare with each other to make it work. Both have finished advanced degrees now and are dating nice men. Their family still does not know where they are due to safety issues. It makes me happy they succeeded but heartsick for all those who do not get out of that sort of expectation.

[LucyStoner]

Where can I find a link to these blogs? Curiosity is making me nuts.

 

 

Her blog has the links. Her blog is called Be a Living Sacrifice and it's on blogspot.

[Aspasia]

OH WOW!!! I feel for this women.

 

I've mention many times on this forum the legalism I grew up with. My mom is 63 right now and going through cancer so she sure has reevaluated her life

 

She was this women. My dad didn't want her to work so she would be available to have sex with him whenever. (I KNOW CREEP AND JERK) I call this spiritual abuse. I watch this lifestyle fold out with my parents. My mom was the submissive in all areas of her life. It really was a bad example to my sister, brother and I. We each have had difficulty with relationships and even more with the concept of Jesus love.

 

I've been married for 22 years. I've read lots of Christian marriage books. I do see some points regarding s*x. There is scripture to back up not withholding sex from our mate

 

BUT I see this more of a directive to not try to manipulate our spouse with s*x. I should be available for his needs and his mine but we also should be sensitive to each others mental, emotional and physical conditions.

 

Which mean there will be times we may want s*x with our spouse but understand it may not be the right time for them

 

I see blogs like this and just see the damage it does to families. Its not just the couple it really screws up the kids.

 

We were basically ignored while my mom fulfilled the "masters" s*x needs all in the name of Jesus.

 

I'm a Christian and love the Lord. He has given me a wonderful marriage to a man that knows I love him when I fix his lunch, make a favorite dessert etc. He does get grumpy and a little aggressive if he hasn't had s*x for while but he knows he is loved.

 

I think the grumpy part for him is s*x is his stress relief. He is just happier and easier to live with when we have an active s*x life. :D

 

This is my dh, too. :tongue_smilie:

[Catwoman]

I can't fathom putting out this much information about my sexual relationship on a blog like this, where work clients, my neighbors, my father or my old classmates can see it. I am far from conservative and find it immodest. It seems a little voyeuristic. Like "look at us and our sex life."

 

I know what you mean. I can't help but wonder if somewhere in her blog is the link to her profile on Reunion.com. :ack2:

 

Yet another reason why I rarely take the time to look up old classmates and see how they're doing... I just don't need to know that much about anyone's life.

[Lady Florida.]

Her blog has the links. Her blog is called Be a Living Sacrifice and it's on blogspot.

 

I just peeked at the blog, out of curiosity. Not being a Christian, it really isn't important to me, but I wanted to know. One of the first things I noticed is that she killed kittens.

 

Or is it kitten's. :lol:

[Parrothead]

Her blog has the links. Her blog is called Be a Living Sacrifice and it's on blogspot.

Wow! She looks simply worn out and trying too hard. Everything is just too perfect.

 

Betcha she will never put any of the trials of life on her blog. Just the perfect stuff.

[pfamilygal]

I find this "men need constant sex because God created them that way" thing especially bizarre in light of the Old Testament purity rules. In the OT, husbands and wives could only have sex for about half the month - and for 80 days after the birth of a daughter! So the husbands felt "unloved" the other half? By God's design?

 

I hate Christian books that oversimplify things or catagorize all men as A all women as B. We are all individuals and should function to the fullest of our giftedness, regardless of gender.

 

We did that "Love and Respect" class in our homegroup. Well, it was exactly wrong in identifying my needs. I don't want face-to-face intimate conversation. I'd much rather work on something together. And I am NOT a snuggler. At all. I am me. And for our marriage to work, my husband needs to meet my needs, not "female" needs. And vise versa.

[FaithManor]

We did that "Love and Respect" class in our homegroup. Well, it was exactly wrong in identifying my needs.

 

Was that with the guy that harps on "pink and blue' glasses/hearing aids.

 

He drives me INSANE! Somebody decided to show the videos at church and we popped in for an hour to see what it was all about, looked at each other with this expression :001_huh: and then :glare: and then:auto:.

 

I am really tired of all of these self help gurus making bogus money by oversimplifying complex interpersonal relationships into catch phrases.

 

Faith

[pfamilygal]

Was that with the guy that harps on "pink and blue' glasses/hearing aids.

 

He drives me INSANE! Somebody decided to show the videos at church and we popped in for an hour to see what it was all about, looked at each other with this expression :001_huh: and then :glare: and then:auto:.

 

I am really tired of all of these self help gurus making bogus money by oversimplifying complex interpersonal relationships into catch phrases.

 

Faith

 

Yes! I was so frustrated as all these people raved about him and it was just crappy, IMO.

[ryyans]

My personal favorite was the part where it says that a man lives a work-filled, sad, meaningless life and the only thing that brings him joy is the warm "embrace" of his wife :D.

 

I read that to DH and for some reason he keeps moping around saying "Woe is me! My life is so SAD AND MEANINGLESS! WHAT EVER could make me feel like life is worth living??"

 

 

:lol::lol::lol:

 

FUNNY!:D

[justLisa]

Die thread die!!!!!

 

please?

[Tammi K]

I was just telling my DH about this thread last night....ironically, right after he walked into the room and announced that he was making himself a cup of tea and asking if I wanted one. :lol:

 

His take on the original blog:

 

1) Skip the fragrance on both sheets and body. Soap and water smells just fine.

2) Dress code for his TeA party does not involve dressing seductively and then undressing...as a matter of fact he said his preference is NO DRESS code

3) If this is scriptural, he definitely wants a copy of THIS Bible!

4) And, now, he tells me that after hearing all of this, he is soooooo depressed that he doesn't know what will make his life worth living. :lol:

[Mrs Mungo]

My biggest problem with people like John Piper? Statements like this, "God revealed Himself in the Bible pervasively as king not queen; father not mother," this is not strictly true. It is more true that translators have favored masculine terms over feminine ones.

 

Man and woman were both made in His image. Jeremiah 31:20 is never translated as, "my womb trembles for him," even though that is a more accurate translation. Deuteronomy 32:18 and Isaiah 46:3-4 mention God giving birth. The words for breath, womb, mercy, compassion are all feminine imagery, until they are translated into English. God is *often* cast into feminine roles in parables and metaphors. I think it takes a LOT of ignoring to pretend that Christianity reveals God strictly in the masculine sense.

 

And this, "when it came to marriage they taught that the husband should be the head." But, a man is to give himself to his wife the way the Christ did for the church. The actual Biblical principle puts the man in a much greater place of sacrifice than the wife. But, this is not how it plays out for people like the blog in the OP. That is why patriarchy is such a problem, it is the antithesis of what is actually taught in The Bible.

 

eta: Yes, I'm sort of marrying two threads, sorry, I'll c/p to the other thread too. But, these thoughts converged due to both, lol.

Edited August 4, 2012 by Mrs Mungo

[Retired]

My biggest problem with people like John Piper? Statements like this, "God revealed Himself in the Bible pervasively as king not queen; father not mother," this is not strictly true. It is more true that translators have favored masculine terms over feminine ones.

 

Man and woman were both made in His image. Jeremiah 31:20 is never translated as, "my womb trembles for him," even though that is a more accurate translation. Deuteronomy 32:18 and Isaiah 46:3-4 mention God giving birth. The words for breath, womb, mercy, compassion are all feminine imagery, until they are translated into English. God is *often* cast into feminine roles in parables and metaphors. I think it takes a LOT of ignoring to pretend that Christianity reveals God strictly in the masculine sense.

 

And this, "when it came to marriage they taught that the husband should be the head." But, a man is to give himself to his wife the way the Christ did for the church. The actual Biblical principle puts the man in a much greater place of sacrifice than the wife. But, this is not how it plays out for people like the blog in the OP. That is why patriarchy is such a problem, it is the antithesis of what is actually taught in The Bible.

 

eta: Yes, I'm sort of marrying two threads, sorry, I'll c/p to the other thread too. But, these thoughts converged due to both, lol.

 

:iagree: with bolded

[Guest]

Die thread die!!!!!

 

please?

 

Old teA threads never die, they just order Viagra and keep on going...

[Marylou]

Yes, I'm sort of marrying two threads, sorry,

 

As long as one is male and the other female, I don't think JP will mind :001_smile:

[justLisa]

Old teA threads never die, they just order Viagra and keep on going...

:lol::lol::lol:

[Retired]

Die thread die!!!!!

please?

 

Old teA threads never die, they just order Viagra and keep on going...

 

As long as one is male and the other female, I don't think JP will mind :001_smile:

 

:lol: sorry just couldn't resist

[Catwoman]

Old teA threads never die, they just order Viagra and keep on going...

 

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

 

Can't.... let.... it.... die....

[mommymilkies]

My biggest problem with people like John Piper? Statements like this, "God revealed Himself in the Bible pervasively as king not queen; father not mother," this is not strictly true. It is more true that translators have favored masculine terms over feminine ones.

 

Man and woman were both made in His image. Jeremiah 31:20 is never translated as, "my womb trembles for him," even though that is a more accurate translation. Deuteronomy 32:18 and Isaiah 46:3-4 mention God giving birth. The words for breath, womb, mercy, compassion are all feminine imagery, until they are translated into English. God is *often* cast into feminine roles in parables and metaphors. I think it takes a LOT of ignoring to pretend that Christianity reveals God strictly in the masculine sense.

 

And this, "when it came to marriage they taught that the husband should be the head." But, a man is to give himself to his wife the way the Christ did for the church. The actual Biblical principle puts the man in a much greater place of sacrifice than the wife. But, this is not how it plays out for people like the blog in the OP. That is why patriarchy is such a problem, it is the antithesis of what is actually taught in The Bible.

 

eta: Yes, I'm sort of marrying two threads, sorry, I'll c/p to the other thread too. But, these thoughts converged due to both, lol.

:iagree:

[I.Dup.]

My biggest problem with people like John Piper? Statements like this, "God revealed Himself in the Bible pervasively as king not queen; father not mother," this is not strictly true. It is more true that translators have favored masculine terms over feminine ones.

 

Man and woman were both made in His image. Jeremiah 31:20 is never translated as, "my womb trembles for him," even though that is a more accurate translation. Deuteronomy 32:18 and Isaiah 46:3-4 mention God giving birth. The words for breath, womb, mercy, compassion are all feminine imagery, until they are translated into English. God is *often* cast into feminine roles in parables and metaphors. I think it takes a LOT of ignoring to pretend that Christianity reveals God strictly in the masculine sense.

 

And this, "when it came to marriage they taught that the husband should be the head." But, a man is to give himself to his wife the way the Christ did for the church. The actual Biblical principle puts the man in a much greater place of sacrifice than the wife. But, this is not how it plays out for people like the blog in the OP. That is why patriarchy is such a problem, it is the antithesis of what is actually taught in The Bible.

 

eta: Yes, I'm sort of marrying two threads, sorry, I'll c/p to the other thread too. But, these thoughts converged due to both, lol.

 

I have never thought of it that way, but you are right.

[Kathryn]

My biggest problem with people like John Piper? Statements like this, "God revealed Himself in the Bible pervasively as king not queen; father not mother," this is not strictly true. It is more true that translators have favored masculine terms over feminine ones.

 

Man and woman were both made in His image. Jeremiah 31:20 is never translated as, "my womb trembles for him," even though that is a more accurate translation. Deuteronomy 32:18 and Isaiah 46:3-4 mention God giving birth. The words for breath, womb, mercy, compassion are all feminine imagery, until they are translated into English. God is *often* cast into feminine roles in parables and metaphors. I think it takes a LOT of ignoring to pretend that Christianity reveals God strictly in the masculine sense.

 

And this, "when it came to marriage they taught that the husband should be the head." But, a man is to give himself to his wife the way the Christ did for the church. The actual Biblical principle puts the man in a much greater place of sacrifice than the wife. But, this is not how it plays out for people like the blog in the OP. That is why patriarchy is such a problem, it is the antithesis of what is actually taught in The Bible.

 

eta: Yes, I'm sort of marrying two threads, sorry, I'll c/p to the other thread too. But, these thoughts converged due to both, lol.

 

This is the exact issue I'm having. It's getting tiring constantly pointing that out. :glare:

[Mommyfaithe]

Has anyone read the tags?? Funniest ever!:lol::lol::lol:

[justLisa]

Has anyone read the tags?? Funniest ever!:lol::lol::lol:

 

:lol::lol: manimal LOL

[happycc]

I "give" my husband sex as much as possible for my own selfish reasons...

 

Everyone tells me how mellow my husband is (they can't imagine my husband losing his cool)....now you guys know why!

 

I noticed over the years that he gets cranky and irritable so I have timed it to about 2-3 days.

 

I don;t deal well with cranky, irritable husband.

 

 

 

Is that wierd or tmi?

[TranquilMind]

Fragrant beds. :lol:

 

The entire Christian community needs to stop this nonsense. Dear anonymous lady, stop telling us about your sex life. Stop telling us that whatever your husband wants is the definition of Christian holiness, because that is absurd. It's also quite vulgar and common to explain your husband's peccadilloes to strangers on the internet. You are grossing out the whole world, and you need to go read your Bible. Stay out of my bedroom and quit astonishing me by inviting me into yours. Thanks.

 

I intend to copy and paste this on every Christian blog and article of this kind until they all just stop it.

:thumbup:

[KungFuPanda]

I "give" my husband sex as much as possible for my own selfish reasons...

 

Everyone tells me how mellow my husband is (they can't imagine my husband losing his cool)....now you guys know why!

 

I noticed over the years that he gets cranky and irritable so I have timed it to about 2-3 days.

 

I don;t deal well with cranky, irritable husband.

 

 

 

Is that wierd or tmi?

 

Yes. Day 3 seems to be the official End of the World where he crosses into Deprived territory. Big baby.

 

Have you guys noticed that the men act like they don't see these threads. Big babies.