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S*x can be a comfort and a need for both men and women.

 

As to the rest, I think I now know more about some anonymous woman's private life than I want to know. I dislike the cookbook approach to marriage or anything else unless it is baking. Different people prefer different frequency and accompaniments.

 

:iagree:

 

The very thought wearies and frustrates me, to be honest. Every.single.day?? Not happening...no way, no how.

 

:iagree:!!! I can't stand "formulas" or set times for things such as s*x (ie: "Healthy couples have s*x "x" number of times/week). Talk about pressure or feeling like a failure if one doesn't comply to that expectation!

 

Unfortunately, my dh does view s*x as a comfort thing and the way he feels loved. Why can't he just see my doing the laundry and making meals as loving?? :tongue_smilie:

 

Ummm.. I think it's different for different men, depending on their love language.

 

:iagree: I agree with LuvnMySvn, whose love language is apparently acts of service, the same as mine. Dh's is physical touch.

 

Fragrant beds. :lol:

 

The entire Christian community needs to stop this nonsense. Dear anonymous lady, stop telling us about your sex life. Stop telling us that whatever your husband wants is the definition of Christian holiness, because that is absurd. It's also quite vulgar and common to explain your husband's peccadilloes to strangers on the internet. You are grossing out the whole world, and you need to go read your Bible. Stay out of my bedroom and quit astonishing me by inviting me into yours. Thanks.

 

 

 

:iagree:

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And if that's the case, should the wife at home try to get some... ummm... "extra-curricular practice" so she can stay on top of her game and perhaps learn some new tricks? Because when her dh finally gets home, she'll have a lot of catching up to do to make sure he feels loved, and how s*xy will it be if she's out of practice? :tongue_smilie:

 

I'm sure it won't be easy, but she needs to do this so her husband will know he's loved when he gets home, so somehow she'll have to find a volunteer to help her out. :rolleyes:

 

And if he's wearing a kilt when he shows up at her door, she should post pictures here.

 

Videos are optional. :drool5:

 

:smilielol5::smilielol5::smilielol5:Someone should link this to the author's blog!

 

Now, as for our beloved Tibbie, where on earth is the cheerleader smilie (complete with pompoms and mega phone) when we need it????

 

Faith

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Fragrant beds. :lol:

 

The entire Christian community needs to stop this nonsense. Dear anonymous lady, stop telling us about your sex life. Stop telling us that whatever your husband wants is the definition of Christian holiness, because that is absurd. It's also quite vulgar and common to explain your husband's peccadilloes to strangers on the internet. You are grossing out the whole world, and you need to go read your Bible. Stay out of my bedroom and quit astonishing me by inviting me into yours. Thanks.

 

I intend to copy and paste this on every Christian blog and article of this kind until they all just stop it.

 

:iagree::iagree::iagree:

 

Seriously. What is WITH this weird, Christian obsession with people's s*x lives?!? :001_huh:

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OK, ladies.

 

Should we really be here on the forum, talking about this stuff? Wouldn't our time be better spent making our beds more fragrant?

 

:ack2: :ack2: :ack2:

 

My ds has been in my room long enough today that I'm sure he's farted a few times. Does that count?

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Yeah, it's not enough that she submits; she also has to be an enthusiastic p*rn star about it, too.

 

Every. Day.

 

Every. Single. Day.

 

Even on days when she has the flu, the kids are sick, her MIL is visiting, she has her p*riod, her grandma died, she lost her job, and she accidentally set herself on fire in the kitchen (although, all things considered, maybe she did it on purpose to put an end to her misery.)

 

Oh, please.

 

And what kind of rotten, lousy husband would demand s*x every single day, just to "feel loved?" Exactly how insecure is this h*rny idiot of which we speak???

 

Not that I have strong feelings on this issue or anything. :glare:

 

You said it humorously but still managed to highlight the abusive nature of this.

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And if that's the case, should the wife at home try to get some... ummm... "extra-curricular practice" so she can stay on top of her game and perhaps learn some new tricks? Because when her dh finally gets home, she'll have a lot of catching up to do to make sure he feels loved, and how s*xy will it be if she's out of practice? :tongue_smilie:

 

I'm sure it won't be easy, but she needs to do this so her husband will know he's loved when he gets home, so somehow she'll have to find a volunteer to help her out. :rolleyes:

 

And if he's wearing a kilt when he shows up at her door, she should post pictures here.

 

Videos are optional. :drool5:

 

I know you were joking, and I'm not normally a very sensitive person, but - that was kinda ,,, uh, well.... let's just say as a military wife with a DH who will have been gone 8 months out of this year... well - it was nauseating actually. And yes - he's gone right now.

I can't even tell you what bothered me about it so much.... It just did.

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And then there are the people who think one should partake as INfrequently as possible, that it's bad for the knees and draining on a man's energy. I've been told that too, by the way.

 

knees? Maybe I've been doing something wrong. :001_huh: Perhaps it's time for me to find an older woman to talk to.

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I know you were joking, and I'm not normally a very sensitive person, but - that was kinda ,,, uh, well.... let's just say as a military wife with a DH who will have been gone 8 months out of this year... well - it was nauseating actually. And yes - he's gone right now.

I can't even tell you what bothered me about it so much.... It just did.

 

I'm sorry, Kristy -- I certainly didn't mean to offend anyone, and I definitely didn't mean that anyone should actually do it.

 

I really and truly didn't mean to upset you. :grouphug:

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knees? Maybe I've been doing something wrong. :001_huh: Perhaps it's time for me to find an older woman to talk to.

 

It's a good thing I wasn't drinking anything! :smilielol5:

 

It also leads to the idea that all a young man has on his mind is s%x. Boys are reduced to mindless fiends.

 

I agree. It's so discouraging to have read and have been so entrenched in this mindset over the years. I want to think more of my sons and of men in general.

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I'm sorry, Kristy -- I certainly didn't mean to offend anyone, and I definitely didn't mean that anyone should actually do it.

 

I really and truly didn't mean to upset you. :grouphug:

 

You didn't upset me.... Like I said - I don't know why.... Ya know - maybe because infidelity is such a huge issue in the military....

It happens a lot on both sides, and I've seen a lot of marriages destroyed by it. So - probably just me being overly sensitive :)

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knees? Maybe I've been doing something wrong. :001_huh: Perhaps it's time for me to find an older woman to talk to.

 

It also leads to the idea that all a young man has on his mind is s%x. Boys are reduced to mindless fiends.

 

I think it's abusive, too. Asking for s*x every night is one thing; demanding it and not taking no for an answer is something else entirely.

 

And I agree with you, Melissa -- I hate the stereotype that says that men think of nothing but s*x, and they don't feel loved unless they get some every night. It makes them sound completely mindless and shallow.

 

But I'll bet the nice folks who make Viagra are completely on-board with this "every night" thing, especially as those husbands get a little older and still need to "feel loved" every night... ;)

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You didn't upset me.... Like I said - I don't know why.... Ya know - maybe because infidelity is such a huge issue in the military....

It happens a lot on both sides, and I've seen a lot of marriages destroyed by it. So - probably just me being overly sensitive :)

 

I assumed she was talking about taking care of oneself NOT having an affair.

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You didn't upset me.... Like I said - I don't know why.... Ya know - maybe because infidelity is such a huge issue in the military....

It happens a lot on both sides, and I've seen a lot of marriages destroyed by it. So - probably just me being overly sensitive :)

 

:grouphug: I think it highlights some of the disease in this view of s*x in marriage. It makes it simply an animal appetite that must be appeased at all costs. And it debases the trust and give and take and even sacrifice in a healthy marriage.

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You didn't upset me.... Like I said - I don't know why.... Ya know - maybe because infidelity is such a huge issue in the military....

It happens a lot on both sides, and I've seen a lot of marriages destroyed by it. So - probably just me being overly sensitive :)

 

I don't think you're being overly sensitive. I was probably being overly insensitive and didn't realize it. :001_smile: I was just joking around, and the infidelity angle didn't even cross my mind because I wasn't thinking of anyone actually doing what I said.

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I think it's abusive, too. Asking for s*x every night is one thing; demanding it and not taking no for an answer is something else entirely.

 

And I agree with you, Melissa -- I hate the stereotype that says that men think of nothing but s*x, and they don't feel loved unless they get some every night. It makes them sound completely mindless and shallow.

 

But I'll bet the nice folks who make Viagra are completely on-board with this "every night" thing, especially as those husbands get a little older and still need to "feel loved" every night... ;)

 

Can I ask you at what point you would think it's abusive?

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When it isn't consensual but the woman is expected and demanded to satisfy her husbands "needs".

 

:iagree:

 

 

Do you mean when it's that way regularly? Or just if it's ever like that?

 

If he has to force her to do it or tells her that she has no choice in the matter, I think it's abuse, whether it's one time or a hundred times.

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Well I'm one of those military spouses and I found this all hilarious. I haven't seen my DH since July28, 2011. Yep it's been over a year, what does this woman suggest my poor neglected husband do? I can tell you one thing he better not have someone "filling in for me" (I know he never would). Somehow we've both managed to be happy for over 15 years with things just how they are.

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Fragrant beds. :lol:

 

The entire Christian community needs to stop this nonsense. Dear anonymous lady, stop telling us about your sex life. Stop telling us that whatever your husband wants is the definition of Christian holiness, because that is absurd. It's also quite vulgar and common to explain your husband's peccadilloes to strangers on the internet. You are grossing out the whole world, and you need to go read your Bible. Stay out of my bedroom and quit astonishing me by inviting me into yours. Thanks.

 

This. Oh, this this this.

 

This.

 

:D

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When it isn't consensual but the woman is expected and demanded to satisfy her husbands "needs".

 

 

I know this happens. But I don't think it is common in these "circles." I think women are guilted into this by these views and with fear they feel like they should, so they put on a smile and go along with it, even initiating in these ways.

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S*x can be a comfort and a need for both men and women.

 

As to the rest, I think I now know more about some anonymous woman's private life than I want to know. I dislike the cookbook approach to marriage or anything else unless it is baking. Different people prefer different frequency and accompaniments.

 

:iagree: I find that I quote you a lot Jean because 90% of the time you've already said what I was going to say ;)

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If you want an excellent treatise on love, marriage, and sexuality, get The Theology of the Body for Beginners, by Pope JP II

 

I think this post brings us around to the real issue:

 

This is not Christianity. These types of teachings that center around marital relations actually have more in common with pagan fertility cults than with the gospel of Jesus Christ.

 

If one follows the instruction of the Apostle Paul, who Christians believe was inspired by the Holy Spirit to teach the doctrines of Christ, the couple will not feel bound to legalistic s*xual rituals.

 

Instead, they are taught that the will of Christ is that each partner in a marriage views his or her body as belonging to the other. Neither is to reject or abuse the other, and they may abstain as they mutually agree. If the husband loves his wife as Christ loves the church, he will not abuse her. If she believes she is not to defraud her husband of relations, she will not manipulate him with s*x but enjoy that intimate relationship with the honor and joy God intended. If they follow all the admonitions in scripture of how believers are to treat one another and apply those teachings to their marriage, they will both feel safe and respected.

 

That is the ideal put forth in scripture, and in traditional Christianity. The rest of this is false worship, worshiping s*x, worshiping husbands, worshiping procreation, worshiping homeschooling, and above all worshiping the false teachers who hand down these edicts by listening to them instead of to the Holy Spirit. Put it all away. It has no roots in the tradition or holy scriptures of Christianity.

 

If you are a Christian, run to Christ who loved women and established marriage as a protection and blessing and not a curse. There is safety and joy in a marriage where both seek after true biblical principles and reject all other voices.

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I know this happens. But I don't think it is common in these "circles." I think women are guilted into this by these views and with fear they feel like they should, so they put on a smile and go along with it, even initiating in these ways.

 

You don't have to have a gun to your head to be abused. You can be abused by guilt and shame and manipulation too. I don't think that a couple who has had this dynamic always has the husband as the bad guy. Sometimes the wife has (possibly by reading books like these) put these demands on herself. Its not healthy though and doesn't lead to a satisfying s*xual experience for the couple.

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I understand what this woman is trying to do and her heart is to encourage younger wives to meet their husbands needs, and I think that is an admirable goal. I think it's kind and caring of her to want to encourage women who might otherwise deny their husbands to make sure they are not forgetting about their husband's needs out of selfishness.

 

There is just something about this mindset that gives me the creeps. I don't think she's a bad woman for wanting to encourage others to make this a priority in their marriage, I think we would all agree that by and large, sex is an important part of marriage. You can see by my sig that we have a very active sex life. :tongue_smilie:

 

I just absolutely hate this devaluing of men to nothing more than sex crazed imbeciles. I just cannot believe that is true, and that is what this mindset makes me think of them. :(

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In my opinion - ever. I think that women and sometimes men do decide to "fake it until they can make it" but it driven by their love for their spouse. It is freely given and that is a huge deal for me.

 

Perhaps my joke about finding an older woman to talk to shouldn't actually be a joke.

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I think this post brings us around to the real issue:

 

This is not Christianity. These types of teachings that center around marital relations actually have more in common with pagan fertility cults than with the gospel of Jesus Christ.

 

If one follows the instruction of the Apostle Paul, who Christians believe was inspired by the Holy Spirit to teach the doctrines of Christ, the couple will not feel bound to legalistic s*xual rituals.

 

Instead, they are taught that the will of Christ is that each partner in a marriage views his or her body as belonging to the other. Neither is to reject or abuse the other, and they may abstain as they mutually agree. If the husband loves his wife as Christ loves the church, he will not abuse her. If she believes she is not to defraud her husband of relations, she will not manipulate him with s*x but enjoy that intimate relationship with the honor and joy God intended. If they follow all the admonitions in scripture of how believers are to treat one another and apply those teachings to their marriage, they will both feel safe and respected.

 

That is the ideal put forth in scripture, and in traditional Christianity. The rest of this is false worship, worshiping s*x, worshiping husbands, worshiping procreation, worshiping homeschooling, and above all worshiping the false teachers who hand down these edicts by listening to them instead of to the Holy Spirit. Put it all away. It has no roots in the tradition or holy scriptures of Christianity.

 

If you are a Christian, run to Christ who loved women and established marriage as a protection and blessing and not a curse. There is safety and joy in a marriage where both seek after true biblical principles and reject all other voices.

 

I think you're absolutely right. You said this very well.

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Everyone else has said what I wanted to, so I'm going to run at this from an opposite angle.

 

I've had women tell me that I no longer had to have s*x, brew certain kinds of TeA, b/c I was now married. "Now that you're married, once a month is fine!"

 

So, the bait and switch mentality is also alive and well. And yeah, I think that's just as damaging as telling ppl that it MUST happen xs per wk/mth.

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I just read a blog about s*x being the greatest comfort a man could have and his #1 need in order to feel loved (this was a Christian blog). The author said we should prepare our bodies and our homes to have s*x each day, make our beds fragrant, our bedrooms exciting, prepare our bodies, etc. She said a man would rather clip hedges outside in the freezing rain than have s*x with a wife who is not into it and fully passionate. This is someone who has 12 children, so it's not like she isn't busy enough as it is.

 

She is getting this from the "For Women Only" book and the survey inside. I am wondering, if this is true, how do young boys grow up feeling loved?

 

 

Okay. Well, first... that book is the book for that woman's husband. It's of no use to you. What you need to do is find the book for YOUR husband. Or write it. Or communicate with him and write it with him.

 

But whatever you do, quit reading books/blogs/articles/posts/tweets/blurbs/etc about men who aren't your husband written by women who aren't your husband's wife.

 

They are completely. Useless. Trot.

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Well, that may be HER husband. Happy for her. Whatever floats their boat.

 

To broadbrush it the rest of humanity or Christianity, I can only say that she is off her rocker. Heaven help the person that doesn't fit in her box and should need a friend.

 

And I can only say that she definitely isn't Orthodox!

Or Catholic. LOL!:lol:

 

The bit I read reminds me of the 1950s woman's magazine that told housewives how to handle their hubbies in the evenings after work. Wear the pearls... fetch his slippers...have sex. :lol::lol: Riiiight. Like any of that will happen.

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I just absolutely hate this devaluing of men to nothing more than sex crazed imbeciles. I just cannot believe that is true, and that is what this mindset makes me think of them. :(

 

While I haven't read the book (and never will, lol) nothing in your post makes me thnk she said anything remotely like that. If indeed she overstated her case by saying men feel a daily need for affirmation through tea, I don't thnk that by any means would make them sex crazed imbeciles. I think a man could be incredibly intelligent and healthy, and still want daily satisfaction.

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I think this post brings us around to the real issue:

 

This is not Christianity. These types of teachings that center around marital relations actually have more in common with pagan fertility cults than with the gospel of Jesus Christ.

 

If one follows the instruction of the Apostle Paul, who Christians believe was inspired by the Holy Spirit to teach the doctrines of Christ, the couple will not feel bound to legalistic s*xual rituals.

 

Instead, they are taught that the will of Christ is that each partner in a marriage views his or her body as belonging to the other. Neither is to reject or abuse the other, and they may abstain as they mutually agree. If the husband loves his wife as Christ loves the church, he will not abuse her. If she believes she is not to defraud her husband of relations, she will not manipulate him with s*x but enjoy that intimate relationship with the honor and joy God intended. If they follow all the admonitions in scripture of how believers are to treat one another and apply those teachings to their marriage, they will both feel safe and respected.

 

That is the ideal put forth in scripture, and in traditional Christianity. The rest of this is false worship, worshiping s*x, worshiping husbands, worshiping procreation, worshiping homeschooling, and above all worshiping the false teachers who hand down these edicts by listening to them instead of to the Holy Spirit. Put it all away. It has no roots in the tradition or holy scriptures of Christianity.

 

If you are a Christian, run to Christ who loved women and established marriage as a protection and blessing and not a curse. There is safety and joy in a marriage where both seek after true biblical principles and reject all other voices.

 

:iagree:

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I think this post brings us around to the real issue:

 

This is not Christianity. These types of teachings that center around marital relations actually have more in common with pagan fertility cults than with the gospel of Jesus Christ.

 

If one follows the instruction of the Apostle Paul, who Christians believe was inspired by the Holy Spirit to teach the doctrines of Christ, the couple will not feel bound to legalistic s*xual rituals.

 

Instead, they are taught that the will of Christ is that each partner in a marriage views his or her body as belonging to the other. Neither is to reject or abuse the other, and they may abstain as they mutually agree. If the husband loves his wife as Christ loves the church, he will not abuse her. If she believes she is not to defraud her husband of relations, she will not manipulate him with s*x but enjoy that intimate relationship with the honor and joy God intended. If they follow all the admonitions in scripture of how believers are to treat one another and apply those teachings to their marriage, they will both feel safe and respected.

 

That is the ideal put forth in scripture, and in traditional Christianity. The rest of this is false worship, worshiping s*x, worshiping husbands, worshiping procreation, worshiping homeschooling, and above all worshiping the false teachers who hand down these edicts by listening to them instead of to the Holy Spirit. Put it all away. It has no roots in the tradition or holy scriptures of Christianity.

 

If you are a Christian, run to Christ who loved women and established marriage as a protection and blessing and not a curse. There is safety and joy in a marriage where both seek after true biblical principles and reject all other voices.

 

Thank you for this.

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Everyone else has said what I wanted to, so I'm going to run at this from an opposite angle.

 

I've had women tell me that I no longer had to have s*x, brew certain kinds of TeA, b/c I was now married. "Now that you're married, once a month is fine!"

 

So, the bait and switch mentality is also alive and well. And yeah, I think that's just as damaging as telling ppl that it MUST happen xs per wk/mth.

 

I'm told that DH has a friend at work who gets it twice a year: his birthday and Christmas. That's their situation, he says.

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