Weird or not? What would you have done?

[Veritaserum]

I was at the county building today to get copies of birth certificates. I had ds in my arms while I was talking to the clerk. He is 7.5 weeks. While I was conducting my business, the man at the next window (a patron, not a worker) started making comments about ds and rubbing his head. A lot. I was uncomfortable with that and shifted away from him. As I was finishing my business the man asked to hold ds. I said no and walked to the cashier (a few steps away). He continued to talk at me explaining that he was a nice guy and liked kids and had a daughter of his own and why wouldn't I let him hold my baby. I said I don't let people I don't know hold my kids and ignored him after that.

 

I didn't get a creepy vibe from him. He just seemed really clueless as to why a woman he didn't know wouldn't want him to hold her baby. Before our interaction he had been telling everyone in the room about why he was there and what he needed, etc.

 

Asking to hold my baby was weird, though, right?

 

ETA: The man appeared to be in his 30s.

Edited July 24, 2012 by Veritaserum

[MamaT]

Yes, weird. My dh loves babies, but would never ask a stranger to hand him their baby.

[Mothersweets]

I voted maybe.

 

In certain instances it can be ok, but what you described was weird - I wouldn't have let him hold my baby, either!

[phathui5]

Yes. I thought asking to hold a stranger's children was an established social taboo.

[Kathryn]

I voted maybe.

 

In certain instances it can be ok, but what you described was weird - I wouldn't have let him hold my baby, either!

 

Really? I can't think of a single instance where it wouldn't be weird for a stranger to ask to hold your baby.

 

Okay, maybe if you were being rescued from a burning car wreck?

[jelbe5]

In this day and age yes, this is weird. A lady I know at church had a baby recently. I asked her if it was okay if I touched his cute little feet this past Sunday. I would not ask to hold him. What you experienced would have made me very uncomfortable and nervous.

[kitten18]

I voted maybe.

 

In certain instances it can be ok, but what you described was weird - I wouldn't have let him hold my baby, either!

:iagree:

[SilverMoon]

In that situation? Yes, weird.

 

That ranks up there with the older guy who told me to just leave my kids (6, 4, 1.5) in the van with the engine and AC running, and he'd watch them while I ran in to pay for gas. Just, no.

[katilac]

Not weird to ask, but weird to persist. If you didn't get the creepy vibe, I'd say he's probably just clueless, maybe an Asperger's guy.

 

The easy way out is to say that the baby doesn't like strangers, and that he will wake up and/or cry if you let the person hold him.

[IdahoHomeschooler]

I don't think asking to hold a baby is weird. I think continuing to pester you about it was weird, though. He sounds like he might have been socially clueless. At the very least, he was having a difficult time respecting your boundaries.

[LibraryLover]

When we attended church (UU), there were always older folks offerring to hold my babies as I drank coffee after services (UUs love coffee hour), or whatnot. They'd say, "Sit a bit. I'll hold her/him." None were dangerous. I could outrun the lot of them.

 

I don't know what I would do in this particular situation. My gut tells me a lot, so I would have to feel that first becfore I made a decision. I always let old folks stroke my babies feet and head while my babies were in the sling or Maya. Babies seem to become more juicy and wonderful to folks as they age; I have seen it is hard to keep one's hands off for some people as they grow older. It was surprising to me.

 

It takes a straight head, and the fear of reading about yourself on a thread like this to not stike up a conversation, or touch the little head of a baby at the market. lol I always imagine posts like: "There was a woman behind me, about 45, maybe 50, in the Whole Foods check out- line today, who kept saying how cute my baby was, and she touched his head! I really wanted to call 911! Maybe she was looking to steal someone's baby! I paid my bill ASAP and ran to my car! I hope she didn't take down my plate #!! I hope I don't read tomorrow that a baby was stolen from our local WH store!!"

Edited July 24, 2012 by LibraryLover

[Catwoman]

Weird. Weird. Weird.

 

And pushy. Which makes it weird and creepy.

[Catwoman]

When we attended church (UU), there were always older folks offerring to hold my babies I or drank coffee after services (UUs love coffee hour), or whatnot. They'd say, "Sit a bit. I'll hold her/him." None were dangerous. I could outrun the lot of them.

 

My feeling is that it would be less likely to activate my Weird-o-Meter if it was someone she knew from church or her neighborhood, but this guy was a complete stranger, and he was pushy about it, which was why red flags were waving for me.

[LibraryLover]

My feeling is that it would be less likely to activate my Weird-o-Meter if it was someone she knew from church or her neighborhood, but this guy was a complete stranger, and he was pushy about it, which was why red flags were waving for me.

 

 

It was a big church, and I didn't know everyone well. If the old geezer had a cane by his seat, or the woman a walker nearby, I figure they weren't going anywhere easily. lol If they can be brought down, all is well.

 

It's why I said, I would have to feel the situatuon and determine the risk. How far does an old guy in a public building get with a baby? Are you leaving the baby with him alone for an hour as you fill out a building permit?

 

It's not the same as a middle aged guy with a puppy in the front seat, stopping to ask a child for directions.

[Catwoman]

It was a big church, and I didn't know everyone well. If the old geezer had a cane by his seat, or the woman a walker nearby, I figure they weren't going anywhere easily. lol If they can be brought down, all is well.

 

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

 

 

It's why I said, I would have to feel the situatuon and determine the risk. How far does an old guy in a public building get with a baby? Are you leaving the baby with him alone for an hour as you fill out a building permit?

 

It's not the same as a middle aged guy with a puppy in the front seat, stopping to ask a child for directions.

 

Realistically, the guy was probably harmless, but I can honestly say that I never once let a stranger touch or hold my ds. I wouldn't have felt comfortable with it, and not just because they might run off with him, but because they might scare him, drop him, give him their cold, or any number of other reasons. (Yeah, I was over-protective. I admit it!) I don't let strangers touch me, so it never would have occurred to me to let one touch my kid.

[Priscila]

Really? I can't think of a single instance where it wouldn't be weird for a stranger to ask to hold your baby.

 

Okay, maybe if you were being rescued from a burning car wreck?

 

I've been to the DMV alone with a baby, and I would have appreciated someone holding my baby while I filled out forms. ;) I promised myself that I would offer help if I saw someone else in that situation.

 

I voted yes to the pole, though. It would be weird to just ask a stranger to hold their baby. And except for exceptional circumstances, like I described, or you described, I would think it was weird.

[gardenmom5]

in this case - definitely weird.

[SunnyDays]

It's one thing to offer to help a mom who completely has her hands full (like PP's DMV example, although I still probably wouldn't take a stranger up on it). But to persist like that? No, very weird.

 

And in a case like that, I don't care if there are armed guards around and he couldn't get anywhere at all. I still don't want someone holding my baby if I don't feel like letting them. :)

[Maus]

In our, U.S. culture, definitely weird and creepy. Perhaps not in others.

 

When we were in Southern California when our youngest was three months, a number of Latina girls asked to hold our little blondie.

 

And when we were in Europe when our oldest was 10 months, he ended up in the lap of more than one new "Oma" or "Opa."

[tomandlorih]

Not weird to ask, but weird to persist. If you didn't get the creepy vibe, I'd say he's probably just clueless, maybe an Asperger's guy.

 

The easy way out is to say that the baby doesn't like strangers, and that he will wake up and/or cry if you let the person hold him.

:iagree:

[abacus2]

In general, maybe. In this situation, yes, very weird. The age of the child makes it weird to me as does the pestering aspect. I understand someone asking/offering to hold a smiling, playful 5 month old in a situation where mom would like free hands, but expecting to hold a complete stranger's very young baby is weird.

[bluemongoose]

I voted maybe. This actually took place for me today. I was at a violin summer camp for my DD. Another lady had a DS there. We chit chatted for a bit (I had never seen her prior to this) and after a while she asked if she could hold my 5mo. She didnt send off my creepy meter, so I said yes and handed him over. We continued to chat and she said her son is an only child and it had been a long time for her to get to hold a baby. My son was so relaxed he fell asleep in her arms. I thought it was sweet. However, if random person got pushy about it I would say no. And, not to be mean, I just cannot see myself passing him off to a guy as easily. I think I would find it more odd to be asked by a male than a female...

[Shawna in Texas]

I voted 'Maybe'. In this instance I might have assumed that he had some boundary issues. I have an uncle like that. But no, I wouldn't have let the man hold my baby.

 

I do sometimes have problems restraining myself from touching babies in public, though. Luckily, I'm satisfied with with just a look. :tongue_smilie: One day at Target, we walked past a woman with her little teeny baby, and my 4yo was sitting in the cart and she said, 'Awwwww' and I said, 'I know, right. That baby looks tasty' and she said, all scandalized and very loudly, 'Mama, we don't eat babies!' :lol:

 

But, the maybe bit is that I have asked to hold two babies before. They were women that I had just met, but were friends of friends that I'd likely never see again. One looked frazzled and was trying to get her olders in line (it was a BBQ), and the other was on Halloween, where the girlfriend of a friend of my cousin who was new to the area. She came over and we all got ready to trick or treat and neither my husband nor myself could resist holding her. I guess though since we were going to be spending the evening with both these people it wasn't really that strange.

[Tammi K]

About 11 years ago, I was flying home from Philadelphia to Sydney with all 6 of my kids, by myself. It is a LONG series of flights and the older kids had all fallen asleep and I couldn't wake anyone up. I desperately needed to 'go' and I had no one to hold my 11 week old baby. So, I took him with me and headed for the mid-plane restrooms. I was standing outside waiting for it to become available wondering how on earth I'm going to manage in such a small place with a little baby.

 

Sitting in the bulkhead seat was a big, burly guy who asked to hold him while I went in. I politely said no thanks, I would be fine. He chuckled and offered again. He said he had nieces and nephews and he hadn't broken one yet. I really didn't know how I was going to manage but how could I leave my baby with a stranger. Finally, the guy said, "Look, I promise I won't take him anywhere! It's not like they're going to open an door to let me out." A flight attendant was nearby and tapped my shoulder and said, "He'll be fine. Just go."

 

I went. He was fine. Big, burly man did a great job.

 

I never imagined myself handing off my baby to strangers. Perhaps because he was the 6th and not the first. :tongue_smilie:

[DawnM]

Well, I was on an airplane and really needed to use the bathroom. I was alone with my then 7 month old. A woman asked if she could hold him and told me she was a Grandma.

 

I figured there wasn't anywhere she could go with him, so I let her because I didn't know what else to do! She wasn't creepy though and was very nice.

 

Dawn

 

Really? I can't think of a single instance where it wouldn't be weird for a stranger to ask to hold your baby.

 

Okay, maybe if you were being rescued from a burning car wreck?

[WishboneDawn]

His manner was a little weird but I really don't find people asking to hold a baby that strange. It's not all that uncommon around here and Lauchie has been held and touched by lots of strangers at this point.

 

Maybe it's a regional thing.

[Mom in High Heels]

For me it would depend on the age of the baby. Baby less than 3 or 4 months, no, except maybe on a plane if I have to use the WC.

 

Here in Germany, people are constantly wanting to hold Han Solo. They did when Indy was a baby too. Germans are stoic people most of the time, but put a baby in front of them and everyone goes nuts.

 

There was a restaurant we went to all the time in Heidelberg and the maitre 'd would always come by the table, pick up Indy and carry him around the restaurant showing him to people. At first it was...weird, even though we had been there many times and I wasn't worried he was going to take off with Indy. After the first time though, it was no big deal, especially since Indy loved all the attention.

[IsabelC]

I'd say probably weird. And to argue the toss after you said no is absolutely weird and wrong. Even if he did think that you had an unfounded suspicion about him, doesn't matter, you said no and that should have been the end of it.

[Kelly1730]

In your case it seems strange, but I have offered to help when I see a mom in public struggling with toddlers, a bulky stroller, lots of packages etc. I don't think I would just come out and ask to hold the baby but offer to help her however I could.

[WishboneDawn]

For me it would depend on the age of the baby. Baby less than 3 or 4 months, no, except maybe on a plane if I have to use the WC.

 

Here in Germany, people are constantly wanting to hold Han Solo. They did when Indy was a baby too. Germans are stoic people most of the time, but put a baby in front of them and everyone goes nuts.

 

There was a restaurant we went to all the time in Heidelberg and the maitre 'd would always come by the table, pick up Indy and carry him around the restaurant showing him to people. At first it was...weird, even though we had been there many times and I wasn't worried he was going to take off with Indy. After the first time though, it was no big deal, especially since Indy loved all the attention.

 

I think wanting to hold babies is a pretty natural thing. :)

 

I actually find the attitude that it's outrageous or very strange for strangers to want and ask to hold babies odd. As my DH's GM says, "babies are happiness," and people generally want to share some of that happiness.

[amo_mea_filiis.]

That does seem a bit strange.

 

I was in the walmart bathroom one day waiting, and there was a woman with a 4 month old in line. I offered to hold him while she went. She looked a little weirded out, but how else was she going to go? She handed him and went. He was so adorable and squishy! LOL.

[Just Beachy]

It happened to us quite a few times with our oldest. She was a beautiful, happy baby, and I guess people just wanted to hold her. We always said no. People also gave her things. Restuarant managers would come over and give us t-shirts/hats in infants sizes, etc. It was bizarre.

 

:) Beachy

[angela in ohio]

I would assume he was learning disabled or had social issues, and I wouldn't let him hold him, but I also wouldn't be too wierded out.

 

I've offered to let people hold my babies when they seemed to want to, but only people who were polite enough not to ask. :lol:

[Holly]

I voted "maybe", but I think in that situation it would be a bit odd. I've had lots of people ask to hold my DC, but they were usually people I knew at least a little bit.

[higginszoo]

The asking might not have been all that weird in itself. Just an impulse. But the persistence would have creeped me out. The only time I had strangers hold my baby is when I was flying from Denver to Seattle with ds 10 weeks and dd 19 mo. Ds was sleeping and dd was a handful, and the flight attendant had some extra time and asked to hold him. The flight crew passed him around back in the galley for a while and I took care of my wiggly toddler (who was in her carseat to keep her from climbing around, but was not happy with that).

[In the Rain]

Yes, weird. My dh loves babies, but would never ask a stranger to hand him their baby.

:iagree:

[Kathryn]

Asking someone with their hands full if you can help them is, IMO, completely different than a random guy in line at a government office asking to hold the baby and then demanding an explanation as to why he can't. I also think asking someone at a shared worship space, that you have been speaking with for a while, or with whom you have mutual friends is different. I'll give you the different culture thing for asking, but not for demanding an explanation.

[Mama Geek]

I just finished reading a book talked about here called Protecting the Gift by Gavin De Becker. Before reading that I would have thought it was really weird. Now it would send up huge red flags of someone dangerous. It was a good book, I didn't agree with everything, but it was worth reading.

[Soror]

I think wanting to hold babies is a pretty natural thing. :)

 

I actually find the attitude that it's outrageous or very strange for strangers to want and ask to hold babies odd. As my DH's GM says, "babies are happiness," and people generally want to share some of that happiness.

 

:iagree: It bothered me a lot with #1 but I've come to enjoy baby attention. I wouldn't necessarily let just anyone hold my baby but I'm not offended they ask and have sometimes let strangers hold my kids. I remember having a waitress doing something similar to a pp. Babies are adorable, or they should be.

[ktgrok]

I think older people are just lonely often, and really love kids. I don't think he meant harm. But yes, it is odd to push. And I've had a similar situation. I was at Ikea, standing outside waiting for it to open, and my daughter was a few months old. I realized I'd left something in the car and told the woman I'd been chatting with (a stranger) I had to go get it. She wanted me to leave my daughter with her while I went out to the parking lot! No, sorry...not giving my 3 month old daughter to a stranger while I walk off into the parking lot. Sorry.

[Soror]

I just finished reading a book talked about here called Protecting the Gift by Gavin De Becker. Before reading that I would have thought it was really weird. Now it would send up huge red flags of someone dangerous. It was a good book, I didn't agree with everything, but it was worth reading.

 

Huh, well, I know that is a book I wouldn't want to read then. I don't think everyone that wants to hold a baby is dangerous.

[Annie G]

It's totally weird. But we have a friend who would do something like that. He has no clue about social norms and if he was curious or wanted to hold the baby, he'd ask. And then when turned down, he'd be shocked.

 

We've known him for about 18 years and some of the things he's said or done...whew! But he truly just doesn't get it. And to teach an adult that kind of thing is difficult- because there are SO MANY things to teach and you just don't think of them. Until he does something totally embarrassing.

 

But yeah, a stranger asking to hold your baby is weird.

[ktgrok]

Huh, well, I know that is a book I wouldn't want to read then. I don't think everyone that wants to hold a baby is dangerous.

 

I read the same book, actually both of his books, and that the mans behavior would NOT send up red flags with me. I'd think he was lonley...but that is because I have spent a lot of time around elderly people. My mom worked in geriatrics all her career, so I had a lot of exposure and insight from her.

 

The main point of the book is that is you are exposed to lots of "normal" you will recognize "abnormal" better. I think that man's behavior falls in the realm of normal for his demographic, if not the population at large. That said, the only part that WOULD send up a bit of a flag is his not taking no for an answer....when people do that it CAN be a sign of a bigger issue.

 

And no, I would NOT have let him hold the baby at that young an age.

[momacacia]

I don't think it's weird, but it would have made me nervous. Nervous enough to not have handed little one over. And, I'm a germaphobe with my new babies. So at 7.5 weeks I'd still be concerned about germs. I don't really mind head for foot touching, but once a lady kissed the top of my child's hand . . . :blink:. Freaked me out---went and immediately washed little one's hand before it went in her mouth again. Yeah, she survived.:lol:

 

So I'd just say, "Sorry, I have pathological germaphobe issues and don't want anything given to my baby. Call me crazy!";)

[Tammyla]

Oh, he was weird alright. Imo, his continued attempts were creepy/bully.

 

I'm so happy you didn't give in. So many people regret not saying no to so many things.

[Kathryn]

Did she say he was elderly? Why do people keep saying that? She said he said he had a daughter of his own. I assumed he was a younger guy.

[clarkacademy]

I said yes because on a norm I would say yes but there have been times I have offered to hold a baby for a stranger in some weird situtations. On a norm I wouldn't offer because that is just weird but it has happened.

 

At a gas station one night (cookie run lol) a woman was in a heated discussion about having her car towed she had a tiny baby in her arms screaming and yelling at the cop and the tow driver. The cop just kept watching her sling that baby around arguing I don't know if he was scared to speak up or what but finally I said hey sweetie would you like me to hold your baby while you finish this up?

 

She just handed her over no problem. A very young girl who I later found out was 13 had a baby at the grocery store waiting outside looking like she was about to cry. I asked if she were all right and she looked at me and said she would give me fifty bucks to make the baby stop crying!

 

I felt so bad she was at a loss and all alone waiting for a ride in the heat. No I didn't take her 50 bucks but I taught her how to let her baby breathe! She had that poor little thing all swaddled with a hat and everything in FL summer! She said the hospital had told her to keep the baby wrapped warm etc. The baby was almost 5 months old he didn't need swaddled in 100 degree heat!

 

She just didn't know poor little girl.

[Catwoman]

Did she say he was elderly? Why do people keep saying that? She said he said he had a daughter of his own. I assumed he was a younger guy.

 

Same here. I didn't get the impression that he was an old man, either.

[ktgrok]

Same here. I didn't get the impression that he was an old man, either.

 

Oh...if he wasn't elderly I take back everything I said. Totally weird from a normal aged man, especially that he wouldn't take no for an answer.

[Ellie]

Definitely weird. Maybe not yet in the "hinky" category, but still weird.