Plucky Posted May 13, 2012 Share Posted May 13, 2012 I sent my mom a card, a digital online gift card to a restaurant with the youngest singing to her, and I will call her today. I reminded dh to get his mom a card and/or gift. He said, "Oh, I just call her. She likes that." Do you think that she thinks she doesn't get a card because I don't send one? Generally women are in charge of that kind of thing, but she is his mom. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BakersDozen Posted May 13, 2012 Share Posted May 13, 2012 When we got married I told dh that he was in charge of gifts/cards for his family. I won't buy them and I won't sign cards for him. His mom has not received a gift/card in 16 years. Not my fault. I do remind him the week heading into bdays/special days but after that, it's his responsbility. I made sure his family knew the arrangement so they cannot blame me if they do not receive anything. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remudamom Posted May 13, 2012 Share Posted May 13, 2012 I arrange all stuff for mil. I don't mind. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kari C in SC Posted May 13, 2012 Share Posted May 13, 2012 I leave it to my dh which means he does nothing. I will tell him to call her this evening. He does usually get my mom a little plant or flower. He is much closer with my mom than his though. He doesn't do gifts for me - I just get myself something I have been wanting and call it good. And we do lunch out with my mom and family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sarah CB Posted May 13, 2012 Share Posted May 13, 2012 I arrange all stuff for mil. I don't mind. Same here. I actually have two mils because dh has a mom and a step-mom. I have flowers delivered to their houses every year on Mother's Day. I also buy their birthday and Christmas presents. I don't mind at all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QueenCat Posted May 13, 2012 Share Posted May 13, 2012 Dh is responsible for all for his mom. I'd be willing if she would apologize for the meanness she invoked on our family for the past 25 years. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Baseball mom Posted May 13, 2012 Share Posted May 13, 2012 I do it. Dh never remembers. Sometimes it is just a card sometimes it is a present or taking her out to eat. I do make dh sign the card himself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted May 13, 2012 Share Posted May 13, 2012 dh is in charge of his mother for mother's day. i will buy her a christmas present. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Element Posted May 13, 2012 Share Posted May 13, 2012 I'm not doing it anymore! Up until this year I've done mil's bdays, mother's day, and Christmas. It's too much, considering most of what I do is handmade and I have my own mom and two grandmothers. DH is on his own until further notice (though I did make mil a nice purse for Christmas.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OrganicAnn Posted May 13, 2012 Share Posted May 13, 2012 We work together. I try to help him think of things, but he is also fairly good about it. I don't really like the "I'll get for my family and you get for yours". Because in my family we give to the in-laws and then if the in-laws announces that it is not their responsibility to get anything for our family, if feels like "I give to you, but you don't do anything for me." And we have one that does that. Oh well. I think it is nicer to share. One year I bought my DH's grandmother a Mother's Day card. "To Grandmother on Mother's Day". Boy we we scored some serious points for that one. I think she talked about how nice it was for a month. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom0012 Posted May 13, 2012 Share Posted May 13, 2012 I used to do all the gift shopping and more for my MIL each year, but I've turned it over to my husband. To my surprise, he does nothing. Seeing the other responses in this thread, I guess that isn't all that uncommon. :confused: Lisa Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MamaT Posted May 13, 2012 Share Posted May 13, 2012 I did it when we first got married, but haven't for years. Our relationship is pretty strained, and I don't feel comfortable doing it any more. I'm sure dh sent her a card. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PentecostalMom Posted May 13, 2012 Share Posted May 13, 2012 I buy cards, I just ask dh if he wants a mushy one or a funny one. For Christmas, we all exchange lists so dh picks off the list what he wants to buy. If it is something I can get, I will. Sometimes dh has to pick it out because she wants tools. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paisley Hedgehog Posted May 13, 2012 Share Posted May 13, 2012 . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
-M- Posted May 13, 2012 Share Posted May 13, 2012 I generally take care of cards, gifts, reminders to "Call home, dear," and the like. In fact, as I mentioned in a thread about Mother's Day last week or the week before, this year, I arranged for my husband to visit my mother-in-law for the weekend. After ensuring that she would be home, I booked a flight, a lovely room, and a rental car and told my husband to visit his mother. Apparently, when he said his goodbyes last night, she declared that it had been the best Mother's Day she had ever had, and she's not a woman who favors hyperbole. Before he arrived back home, I received a beautiful email from her wishing me a good day, complimenting me on how well I care for my family, and thanking me for the Mother's Day gift. Talk about a big deposit in the emotional bank account, eh? *wry grin* It's true that it's his family and that he should take care of it, but remembering things like that has never really been his "thing." I'd hate for the family of one of the best men in the world to get slighted because he's a tad forgetful. And frankly? I appreciate them. They're good people and deserve to be remembered and celebrated. So I remember and celebrate them, especially his mother. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mytwomonkeys Posted May 13, 2012 Share Posted May 13, 2012 i bought the card (the same one i bought my own mom), but he was in charge of signing it and mailing it. he also called her today. he is fully in charge of his own parents birthdays though. i'm in charge of my folks and he is in charge of his. my in-laws have never sent me a card on my birthday though, so it isn't like i feel bad. they don't acknowledge our anniversary, my birthday, etc. they do with our children because my husband insist & calls them the week before reminding them. it isn't because they dislike me or anything, they just don't do things like that. it's very different than how i was raised. my mom is a birthday/holiday-aholic. she sends us cards and money for every single holiday known to hallmark and then some (she even sent me a card with money for mother's day, lol). ETA - i do buy their christmas gifts though, but he is in charge of mailing them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mudboots Posted May 13, 2012 Share Posted May 13, 2012 I take care of getting the card, and we both write in it. We usually give our moms plants or gift certificates to a garden center. I usually make those arrangements, with DH's input. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ereks mom Posted May 13, 2012 Share Posted May 13, 2012 We generally only do cards and phone calls, and each of us contacts our own mom. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jennifer in FL Posted May 13, 2012 Share Posted May 13, 2012 I always do it for him, even though she's never been particularly gracious, helpful, or generous toward me (usually difficult and selfish). However, I figure it is honoring our parents and I am modeling for my children how I want them to treat me (us). Besides you reap what you sow... so all you ladies feeling unappreciated, your time will come. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
La Condessa Posted May 13, 2012 Share Posted May 13, 2012 I leave it up to my husband, though if the thought occurs to me, I might remind him to get a card. The weird thing, though, is that my mil thinks it is her sons' wives responsibility. My husband is one of three brothers. He gets cards for his mom himself (though he usually gets them to her late). My one sil gets cards and gifts for mil for her husband, and the other leaves it up to him--and since he never does it, mil gets mad at that sil. Because, in her opinion, you just can't expect men to remember things like that, so it's the wife's responsibility to be in charge of courtesy things like that for the couple. Once when she made a point of thanking my other sil and me when we were all three present, "Because I know who really takes care of those kinds of things." I told her that I don't do that, that when she gets something from her son it's really from him. I don't think she believed me, though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dustybug Posted May 14, 2012 Share Posted May 14, 2012 I generally handle it all, but I do get DH's input. This year I made my mom and my MIL decorative plates with Psalms 127:3 on them and all the children and grandchildren's names on them. I bought the cards too. I make gifts most years. Occasionally, DH has a different idea than what I have in mind, and I always concede to that when it comes to his own mother. I don't really mind. My MIL and I have a relatively okay relationship although she sometimes has boundary issues. Even still, I don't look at it like his family/my family. When we married, they all became OUR family. :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kitten18 Posted May 14, 2012 Share Posted May 14, 2012 I used to buy a card for MIL, but my own mother died two years ago, on Mother's Day. I'm not ready to face Mother's Day for MIL yet. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danestress Posted May 14, 2012 Share Posted May 14, 2012 Is that she be shown honor and love. Some years it is more me. Other years it is more DH. This year, I suggested hanging flower baskets. He bought them took them to her, and hung them. Other years I have done the actual shopping. I would never let her be just blown off. A married couple is one flesh, in a way. His mother is my family. In the same way, my sisters and I tend to check in before mothers day to make sure one of us will be with our mom. It doesn't matter which - we just won't let her be alone. DH is an only child so if we don't do things for and with mil, she will be alone. I am happy to do my part. She raised a great husband! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
weddell Posted May 14, 2012 Share Posted May 14, 2012 We are each in charge of doing something for our own mothers. DH was raised in a household that didn't do "hallmark" holidays. So they didn't do things like Mother's Day or Father's Day. While these were certainly never big holidays in my house growing up, we usually did cards or little presents. So this weekend I called my mom and dh's mom got nothing. I kind of feel bad but she specifically raised him without those kind of holidays. Of course now that her kids are grown, she hints that she wants acknowledgment on Mother's Day, but it's kind of late to get it into his brain now. As for other holidays, we are each mostly in charge of our own families. If I see something that one of my inlaws would especially like, I buy it for them but it's mostly up to either dh or I to buy for our own families. I do make picture calendars every Christmas and give those to everyone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigMamaBird Posted May 14, 2012 Share Posted May 14, 2012 I bought MIL this morning because my dh had forgotten. :glare: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LucyStoner Posted May 14, 2012 Share Posted May 14, 2012 (edited) She may not be my mother but she is my husband's mother and my kids' very doting grandmother. She is a nice and loving person and while I don't agree with her on most things in life, I love her. I am happy to make sure she gets something from us on Christmas, her birthday and Mother's Day. It's not a chore or obligation for me at all. I enjoy it. My husband is great with picking gifts but terrible about mailing them. Once I think he had a game he was planning to send his brother for close to 6 years before it went in the mail. Edited May 14, 2012 by kijipt Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brooketopia Posted May 14, 2012 Share Posted May 14, 2012 I buy the cards and then nag DH until he finally remembers to sign them. I know that I love to get cards on my special days, and it would really hurt my feelings to not get a card, so I make sure to make it happen for his mom. I don't know if she's the kind of lady who cares about that sort of thing, but I also figure it can't hurt anything to make it happen. Win-win: I like to pick out cards, it makes me feel like a caring human being, and DH thinks I'm the most totally awesomest wife ever for keeping track for him. Oh, and then my MIL...gets a card, and if she's into that then she gets the warm and fuzzies, which any DIL can admit works in their favor. She deserves some sort of credit for whatever it was that she did that turned out such an awesome guy like DH. I don't sign the card to my MIL; she's not my mom. DH doesn't sign the card to my mom because of the same reason. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tex-mex Posted May 14, 2012 Share Posted May 14, 2012 I arrange all stuff for mil. I don't mind. Same here. I actually have two mils because dh has a mom and a step-mom. I have flowers delivered to their houses every year on Mother's Day. I also buy their birthday and Christmas presents. I don't mind at all. :iagree: I am horrified at how many DILs do not send cards or gifts to the in-laws. I did for years and enjoyed it. Now my parents are long gone and MIL is up in heaven. I am happy I took the time to make her day special, even if we did not always get along. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted May 14, 2012 Share Posted May 14, 2012 I did not send a card to my mom. I called her and talked to her for a long time. Dh did not send a card to his mom. He called her and talked to her for a long time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tex-mex Posted May 14, 2012 Share Posted May 14, 2012 I generally take care of cards, gifts, reminders to "Call home, dear," and the like. In fact, as I mentioned in a thread about Mother's Day last week or the week before, this year, I arranged for my husband to visit my mother-in-law for the weekend. After ensuring that she would be home, I booked a flight, a lovely room, and a rental car and told my husband to visit his mother. Apparently, when he said his goodbyes last night, she declared that it had been the best Mother's Day she had ever had, and she's not a woman who favors hyperbole. Before he arrived back home, I received a beautiful email from her wishing me a good day, complimenting me on how well I care for my family, and thanking me for the Mother's Day gift. Talk about a big deposit in the emotional bank account, eh? *wry grin* It's true that it's his family and that he should take care of it, but remembering things like that has never really been his "thing." I'd hate for the family of one of the best men in the world to get slighted because he's a tad forgetful. And frankly? I appreciate them. They're good people and deserve to be remembered and celebrated. So I remember and celebrate them, especially his mother. That is beautiful. And I agree that the majority of men are FORGETFUL. They do not remember stuff like that. That is why us wives have to give them a hint or help in this department. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BakersDozen Posted May 14, 2012 Share Posted May 14, 2012 I am horrified at how many DILs do not send cards or gifts to the in-laws. In an attempt to keep the peace and establish myself as a good dil, I was a part of gift-giving for my dh's family for a few years. I didn't buy the gifts alone (dh and I usually shopped together for both sides of the family) and I didn't sign cards for my dh, but I did prompt dh and remind him...constantly...to get things in the mail. One time dh pointed out to mil that the super nice gift set she received and admired had been my idea. When we visited about a month later I found all the gifts she'd been given stuffed in a box in her basement. :glare: For some dils, sending cards/gifts is not the best idea and may actually contribute to further family conflict. Things are much better now that I have stepped completely away from all the holiday/special day stuff and just let my dh handle his lovely family. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted May 14, 2012 Share Posted May 14, 2012 :iagree: I am horrified at how many DILs do not send cards or gifts to the in-laws. I did for years and enjoyed it. Now my parents are long gone and MIL is up in heaven. I am happy I took the time to make her day special, even if we did not always get along. A card or gift is not the ultimate standard in love or respect for someone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom2abcd Posted May 14, 2012 Share Posted May 14, 2012 I don't look at it like his family/my family. When we married, they all became OUR family. :001_smile: Dh and I are like this, too... united. Mother's Day and Father's Day are the two days of the year when it is more obvious that his parents are his and mine are mine because we write personal notes to our own moms/dads. But we both sign the cards. I choose all the cards and gifts (if we do gifts) and am happy to do so. Even if I didn't have one of the most wonderful mother-in-laws in the world, dh and I would still be united in honoring our parents together. He and I are a team. We work together. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RanchGirl Posted May 14, 2012 Share Posted May 14, 2012 :iagree: I am horrified at how many DILs do not send cards or gifts to the in-laws. I did for years and enjoyed it. Now my parents are long gone and MIL is up in heaven. I am happy I took the time to make her day special, even if we did not always get along. Horrified? I get that you do it, way to go. But actually horrified at others who for various reasons don't choose to do the same? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RanchGirl Posted May 14, 2012 Share Posted May 14, 2012 I reminded dh, about 3 times, to buy and send a card. I don't sign it. I also purchased a small gift for her many months ago and he dropped it off at her house. I handle the gifts for his nieces and nephews but I know that it will mean much more to his mother if he does it himself with her. A card from me would be utterly meaningless to her, and painful to me because of our relationship. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted May 14, 2012 Share Posted May 14, 2012 I always brought my MIL something to plant, or flowers, as she loved all of that. Dh always came along for the ride. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kolamum Posted May 14, 2012 Share Posted May 14, 2012 I always get my mil something. This year I asked dh to get the card & ushered him down the card isle. Other then that he trusted that I'd get something & that she'd love what I picked. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisbeth Posted May 14, 2012 Share Posted May 14, 2012 When we got married I told dh that he was in charge of gifts/cards for his family. I won't buy them and I won't sign cards for him. His mom has not received a gift/card in 16 years. Not my fault. I do remind him the week heading into bdays/special days but after that, it's his responsbility. I made sure his family knew the arrangement so they cannot blame me if they do not receive anything. I handled it for sevetal years, but reverted to the above. I am not DH's social secretary. So unfortunately, his mom hasn't gotten a thing since. Join the club! He never gives me a card or gift ever, either! (For any occasion.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisbeth Posted May 14, 2012 Share Posted May 14, 2012 We are each in charge of doing something for our own mothers. DH was raised in a household that didn't do "hallmark" holidays. So they didn't do things like Mother's Day or Father's Day. While these were certainly never big holidays in my house growing up, we usually did cards or little presents. So this weekend I called my mom and dh's mom got nothing. I kind of feel bad but she specifically raised him without those kind of holidays. Of course now that her kids are grown, she hints that she wants acknowledgment on Mother's Day, but it's kind of late to get it into his brain now. As for other holidays, we are each mostly in charge of our own families. If I see something that one of my inlaws would especially like, I buy it for them but it's mostly up to either dh or I to buy for our own families. I do make picture calendars every Christmas and give those to everyone. This, this, this! My MIL raised DH to blow off holidays. I don't even get a card for birthdays, Christmas, Anniversaries, etc Reap what you sew, I say. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kari C in SC Posted May 14, 2012 Share Posted May 14, 2012 :iagree: I am horrified at how many DILs do not send cards or gifts to the in-laws. I did for years and enjoyed it. Now my parents are long gone and MIL is up in heaven. I am happy I took the time to make her day special, even if we did not always get along. Some of us are not blessed with great mils. My mil took it upon herself to call me the first New Year's Day after my son died to yell at me for not accepting my fil's facebook request from the night before. She stated "how very difficult it was for them". You think a new year without your grandson that you weren't very good to is hard... trying being the parent. That is just one of many things - my dh's father didn't even go to our son's funeral because it was too hard on him. And because we thought my mil and fil would be going to the funeral - my husband's brother and family didn't go. They have a bitter fight that my bil is right to have, so he tried to help us out that day by not adding drama. I could go on and on, but sending my mil a card is not high on my list of things to do. My dh does maintain a friendly relationship with them after years and years of trying to get passed the hurt. I choose not to have any relationship with them. Anything I ever tried ended when my son died. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Night Elf Posted May 14, 2012 Share Posted May 14, 2012 DH and I always buy cards/gifts for our own moms. We sign them from all of us though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kewb Posted May 14, 2012 Share Posted May 14, 2012 I do not buy cards for dh's family and he does not buy for mine. We are each adults and capable of buying cards for our mothers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scrappyhappymama Posted May 14, 2012 Share Posted May 14, 2012 I love my MIL. She is a sweetheart (I KNOW I am very blessed!). I love my husband too. He is not a plan ahead for holidays person. He's just not. It doesn't mean he doesn't care, it just means he doesn't think ahead on these things. I used to take it personally, but now I just accept him as he is. I buy all the gifts for my in-laws for various occasions, send cards, plan most get togethers for holidays, and remind my husband to call when he should. Normally it works out well, but this Mother's Day was one of the exceptions. I've been sick all week, on top of being 34 weeks pregnant, so I didn't get any cards or gifts bought for Mother's Day. I called my mom and my grandma who live across the country, and they know I love them whether I send something or not. They were very understanding. I reminded my husband to plan something with his mom who is local, and he finally called her Saturday evening and arranged to take her to dinner last night. He didn't buy her a card or anything else, just dinner. I felt a little bad about that because she sent a little gift back with him for me. But after all these years, she knows how my husband is, and I'm sure she appreciated the dinner and knows I was in no condition to do more. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CroppinIt Posted May 14, 2012 Share Posted May 14, 2012 Dh takes care of his mom. He knows her better, and quite frankly, she'll like the gift better if she knows he spent his own time on it rather than me spending my time. It means more knowing he made the effort. He will ask my womanly opinion, but he makes the final decisions. And I like it that way. I usually take care of my mom, but sometimes dh helps too. My mother loves dh, and she loves seeing us work together since her own marriage didn't work that way. It's almost part of the gift when we say that we chose something together. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Princess Peach Posted May 14, 2012 Share Posted May 14, 2012 I usually take care of it, but DH signs the card. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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