Is this our American culture, home education culture, or just regular parent culture?

[Hope44]

I'm talking about bragging about our kids...not so much on message boards and stuff where we are looking for support, but rather in real life.

 

I've been commiserating over our year. There are so many things I COULD brag about to others, but I just don't do it. I don't want to be "that mom."

 

Yet, in our home school groups, extra curricular activities, and even church, if I look back, I know I hear parents brag loud and often. Usually, it is the same ones too. Sometimes, they are clever and mask the brag being "thankful." Others are in your face brags. I just think "why the constant need?"

 

Don't get me wrong. I think we should be proud of our kids to THEM. Others will naturally be proud without us bragging every five seconds. I'll be honest it bothers me for people to compete with accomplishments of their kids.

 

One thing I noticed, my closest friends have "real" faulty kids like mine and they don't brag non-stop. Every once in a while, we'll share our victories, but many times, we share our on-going challenges.

 

I just wonder is this an American thing, home schooling thing, or a parenting thing?

 

Hope44

[GoVanGogh]

I don't know, but in my circle everyone always complains about how awful their day/week/year has been and how burned out they are. I have started avoiding certain people because I am tired of hearing how much they hate homeschoolng. Bragging sounds like a breath of fresh air right now. :lol:

[astrid]

I think that in the past couple of decades we've flooded our American culture with such constant, unhealthy competition that it's seeped into all the areas of our lives. Setting sports aside, discussions of cut-throat politics, economics, parenting, education, arts, you name it.

 

Whether we really recognize it or not, our kids are constantly in varying states of competition for friends, for spots on teams (even for little kids!) for grades, for who can memorize the most Bible verses, for scholarships, for attention at a day care center or from parents..... too many to name. And it's so pervasive now--- every single night on television Americans can watch some sort of competition, and I am not referring to sports. It's become big entertainment to see people get voted off islands, sent home from singing or dancing competitions or have their affections shunned in favor of a competitor. In my opinion, it's twisted and sick.

 

While competition can be healthy, I think we as adults-- parents, media, etc. don't do much to foster healthy and constructive levels of competition. (think Texas Cheerleading Mom Case.) I spent several years coaching varsity softball and the parents were brutal. Not every kid has to be a starter, and not every kid needs to get an A. Sometimes its just not achievable. And that's ok.

 

Out of time-- have to run to a meeting, but it's definitely somthing I"ve been thinking a lot about lately.

 

astrid

[Parrothead]

I think it is the competitive nature of the human. Because of it, one can't talk about one's child's accomplishments without it seeming like bragging. Or one feels the need to brag in order to keep up with the Jones' kids so to speak. At the very core I think it is an extension of the mommy wars.

[Hope44]

I don't know, but in my circle everyone always complains about how awful their day/week/year has been and how burned out they are. I have started avoiding certain people because I am tired of hearing how much they hate homeschoolng. Bragging sounds like a breath of fresh air right now. :lol:

 

 

Well, that's true too...the "victim" mindset. The other extreme that is loud! Just as grating!

[myfunnybunch]

What I focus on is how I perceive my children. If I only tell others only how challenging my children are, that's how they...and I...see them.

 

I genuinely enjoy hearing about the accomplishments and successes of the children, and adults, around me. :) I've noticed that my closest friends are happy to celebrate my children's successes and happy to share theirs with me.

 

I think it's a shame that sharing children's accomplishments and successes in normal everyday conversation is so often deemed bragging, but discussing their shortcomings is somehow acceptable.

 

Cat

[Bang!Zoom!]

I agree w/u MFB - it's exactly this that makes life less than it could be.

[learningmama]

I think it's a little of all three. I'm quiet, so I don't brag on purpose, but some of the things my kids have done can come off as bragging. But their actions ard often backed up by those closest to them seeing how they actually are.

Baby bragging always gets to me. "Oh, little (insert name) is the best baby! He/she has ALWAYS slept through the night, never spits up, always smiles and is the perfect baby. I get sooooo much done when he/she sleeps and I can't wait to have another"(no offense to anyone on here who actually experienced this) That's great for you, but my reply is "My kids were awful as babies. I did not sleep for two years, they both had colic, cried night and day, I let them watch Baby Einstein videos when they were only months old and I had to buy a new wardrobe because they stained everything I owned. They were cute little things, but boy they were alot of work!" Then the other parent gives me a weird look, says "Wow" and goes along her marry way.

[mariposa]

Pride isn't anything new. I think it's a very hard thing to judge - how can we know every time what someone's motivations are in sharing. It could be that they're insecure about how they're doing as a parent, it could be that their child has struggled and it's important that they hear a parent giving them a "pat on the back" for doing well in something, it could be that the parent is just happy that their child is good at something and wants to share.

 

I know that for me, what's probably more important when I hear someone talking about how great their child is at something, is to do a self-check if I have a negative response. Ideally, I'd like to celebrate with them, encourage them and their child, and affirm how great that is. What does it really matter WHY they feel the need to tell me this? What damage could it possible cause them if I listen and am happy for them? Am I so insecure that I can't hear these things and be truly happy for my friends or even just acquaintances?

 

I can remember being surrounded by women whose children were all self-taught readers at age 3 or 4. At the time, I was struggling teaching reading to my then 6-year-old! At first I did wish they'd just stuff it, but then I realized that maybe they would have some good ideas for me. So, I swallowed my pride and shared my struggles. They gave me tons of great suggestions. I'm glad now that I asked (and yeah, it could have been a disaster). Now my younger son is way ahead in reading, which I take no credit for. I hope that if I share how well he's doing, I can do it in a sensitive way, but I also hope that if someone is struggling they could talk to me about it!

 

I don't know if that really answers your question. I guess I feel like what's more important than asking why is asking how we can respond in a loving way... We ALL have our struggles!

 

Sarah

[SKL]

When I was in law school I met my best friend, from an Asian country. She was convinced that I must be a terrible student because I did all I could to avoid talking about my grades / accomplishments. I had been brought up to believe that was bragging and wrong. Those who engaged in it often were folks who lacked boundaries in general. (My friend also thought I must be from the gutter because I did gripe about family fusses sometimes. Apparently the "airing of dirty launtry" is also an American thing.)

 

Of course, even in America, everyone is entitled to celebrate milestones, triumphs, and big reliefs - just not on a regular basis. Keep it to maybe 1 per year per child. If you need to do more - that's what Granny is for. (This is tongue-in-cheek, folks!)

 

What perplexes me is that sharing about your kids' struggles is a "bonding" activity, while sharing about their talents will tend to alienate. Although, like a poster in the other thread pointed out, maybe that's more about the "company we keep.":tongue_smilie: (Why does my sister-in-law always come to my mind during these discussions?)

 

I think the best way to approach this issue is to make it a point to ask about others' kids and speak positively about them with their parents as much as you can. You really can't go wrong with that.

[SKL]

One more thing. I notice that whatever I say publicly about my kids, they do something to prove me wrong within 24 hours (or sometimes 24 seconds). So it's just safer all around to share the bad stuff and keep the good stuff to yourself. :tongue_smilie:

[Crimson Wife]

I find a lot *LESS* bragging among HS parents than among my acquaintances who have their kids in private or public schools. Children have become status symbols alongside the parent's luxury SUV with the OBX or MV sticker, designer clothes & shoes, exotic vacations, etc., etc. Frankly, I find it quite tacky and sad :( What ever happened to valuing a child's character over external markers of achievement?

[Hope44]

Yes, I tend to agree with engaging the braggers and encouraging them...mostly to make them feel at ease and see I'm not a threat. However, there are some you will NEVER win over.

 

Not against accomplishment..quite the contrary...we love it...try to role model it. I guess that I just disagree that constant bragging (not talking about the once in a while being truly joyful of an achievement kind) will instill an attitude of accomplishment or encourage a child to achieve.

[Hope44]

I find a lot *LESS* bragging among HS parents than among my acquaintances who have their kids in private or public schools. Children have become status symbols alongside the parent's luxury SUV with the OBX or MV sticker, designer clothes & shoes, exotic vacations, etc., etc. Frankly, I find it quite tacky and sad :( What ever happened to valuing a child's character over external markers of achievement?

 

 

Agreed!

[Danestress]

Of just talking about oneself and one's family in social settings. I was raised with a clear understanding that well bred women avoid talking about themselves. They don't complain about how hard their lives are, nor do they brag about their children (and yes, even if it is true, it is still bragging).

 

Instead, they show genuine and sustained interest in the people they are talking to. In my experience, the woman at the soccer game didn't need to go on and on about how smart her child is. She could easily have handled the situation by saying. "Yes, we try to get the work done ..... Oh! Is that girl in green your daughter? She handles the ball so well. How did she learn to do that?"

[Hope44]

Of just talking about oneself and one's family in social settings. I was raised with a clear understanding that well bred women avoid talking about themselves. They don't complain about how hard their lives are, nor do they brag about their children (and yes, even if it is true, it is still bragging).

 

Instead, they show genuine and sustained interest in the people they are talking to. In my experience, the woman at the soccer game didn't need to go on and on about how smart her child is. She could easily have handled the situation by saying. "Yes, we try to get the work done ..... Oh! Is that girl in green your daughter? She handles the ball so well. How did she learn to do that?"

 

:iagree:

 

 

This is what I had been taught, as well.

[SKL]

She could easily have handled the situation by saying. "Yes, we try to get the work done ..... Oh! Is that girl in green your daughter? She handles the ball so well. How did she learn to do that?"

 

Well, it depends on why the question was asked in the first place. Maybe the mom who asked the question is thinking about homeschooling, or trying to get a better understanding of it for some reason. Or, maybe she's just trying to make polite conversation.

 

As the parent of a transracially adopted child, who gets questions for all sorts of reasons (good, bad, and indifferent), I learned to answer based on the motive behind the question. I might say, "are you thinking of adopting?" before responding to a question. Similarly, when someone asks a question about homeschooling, the HS mom might first ask "are you considering homeschooling" before deciding whether to change the subject ASAP or give substantive information.

[ktgrok]

No idea. My friends share the good things their kids do, and their accomplishments. I don't see it as bragging as long as it is sincere and realistic. I share when my husband gets a raise, or a promotion, or does something nice for me. I do the same for my kids.

[*Inna*]

One more thing. I notice that whatever I say publicly about my kids, they do something to prove me wrong within 24 hours (or sometimes 24 seconds). So it's just safer all around to share the bad stuff and keep the good stuff to yourself. :tongue_smilie:

:lol::lol::lol: You are so right!

[Jean in Newcastle]

If you are my friends and family - and I mean actual friends, not just acquaintances and family that functions well- I expect that you will be genuinely interested in the truth of my life and that of my family. That will include cheering each other on, celebrating our accomplishments no matter how small or big, shoring each other up in difficult times etc. If I have to stand on "Miss Manners" type formality with you, then you are not part of my inner circle. But if I have to stand on that kind of formality then you won't hear me "bragging" or "whining" either.

[Kathleen in VA]

If you are my friends and family - and I mean actual friends, not just acquaintances and family that functions well- I expect that you will be genuinely interested in the truth of my life and that of my family. That will include cheering each other on, celebrating our accomplishments no matter how small or big, shoring each other up in difficult times etc. If I have to stand on "Miss Manners" type formality with you, then you are not part of my inner circle. But if I have to stand on that kind of formality then you won't hear me "bragging" or "whining" either.

 

This is me. I want to hear about my friend's children's accomplishments so I can rejoice with them. My neighbor's son (public schooled) won his regional Geography Bee competition and went on to compete at the state level. I think I would have been a bit miffed if she hadn't told me until it was all over. I'm glad I knew right away so I could cheer him on. I have a friend who's daughter won a full-ride scholarship to our local state university based on her piano skills. I think that's awesome and am glad she told me so I could be proud right along with her (her daughter was my daughter's piano teacher for the first few years). OTOH, if I'm just sitting next to you at a baseball game or a concert and we are making casual conversation I don't want to hear about how your child aced the SAT or got into Harvard and I won't bore you with the details of my children's lives either.

[Trish]

I dunno, I hear brags, complaints, weariness, overscheduled families, exciting vacations, "couponing," you name it. Bragging is just one of many topics, and it doesn't seem excessive. I don't mind hearing the bragging. Nor do I mind the complaints. I do like people who offer useful tips based on their experiences, whether of the braggy or regretful nature. (like, "my kid was on energy drinks! watch out for that" or "don't even think about being a minute late for the SAT or they'll shut the door in your kid's face)

[kewb]

I think it is American/Parent culture. As a society we are bombarded with images of how we are supposed to think/behave about all aspects of out life. It is viewed as normal to high-five when the sleep away camp pulls away and gush about all the great things you will be doing while your kids are away. Heaven forbid you say you will miss your kids.

 

Bragging rights is the opposite of that scenario. We are also supposed to wax on about how great/perfect/wonderful they are because then that means we are the most awesome parents ever.

[SJ.]

This topic perplexes me. I enjoy hearing about the accomplishments of others, whether it is friends and family or just an acquaintance. Further I like to share the accomplishments of my family because I am proud. I would be hurt if one of my friends thought I was bragging if i told them about something one of my children did. I would also be hurt if one of my friends accomplished something special, or someone in their family did, and the friend did not share with me.

 

IMO, you are a braggart when you are always exclaiming over every little thing you, your child(ren), or your dh does.

 

To each his own I guess.

[Rivka]

Of just talking about oneself and one's family in social settings. I was raised with a clear understanding that well bred women avoid talking about themselves. They don't complain about how hard their lives are, nor do they brag about their children (and yes, even if it is true, it is still bragging).

 

Instead, they show genuine and sustained interest in the people they are talking to. In my experience, the woman at the soccer game didn't need to go on and on about how smart her child is. She could easily have handled the situation by saying. "Yes, we try to get the work done ..... Oh! Is that girl in green your daughter? She handles the ball so well. How did she learn to do that?"

 

...And then, if the other person responds by answering the question, does she betray herself to be an ill-bred person? I'm getting a great mental image of two well-bred women trying to duck and dodge their way through a conversation, each trying to show sustained interest in the other without ever talking about herself. :lol:

 

Honestly, if I want someone to ask me all about myself and express deep interest in what I say without ever revealing anything personal about herself, I'll hire a therapist. I like to spend time with people who will talk about their lives with me, the good and the bad.

 

Yes, it would get old to be around someone who was constantly bragging about the same achievements, but all we know about the woman at the soccer game is one tiny snippet of conversation reported third-hand. How can people judge her so extensively?

 

I don't get the whole attitude of, "Wouldn't it be admirable if you never said a word about your child's academic pursuits until the day that her Nobel Prize is announced on the front page of the NYT?" No. I don't think that would be particularly admirable. It reminds me too much of the old joke about the Minnesota farmer who loved his wife so much that one day he almost told her so.

[ssavings]

We are also supposed to wax on about how great/perfect/wonderful they are because then that means we are the most awesome parents ever.

 

I don't think this is a fair generalization.

[Alte Veste Academy]

Of just talking about oneself and one's family in social settings. I was raised with a clear understanding that well bred women avoid talking about themselves. They don't complain about how hard their lives are, nor do they brag about their children (and yes, even if it is true, it is still bragging).

 

Instead, they show genuine and sustained interest in the people they are talking to. In my experience, the woman at the soccer game didn't need to go on and on about how smart her child is. She could easily have handled the situation by saying. "Yes, we try to get the work done ..... Oh! Is that girl in green your daughter? She handles the ball so well. How did she learn to do that?"

 

Oh, what a potentially shallow and unfortunate conversation this would end up becoming if both women happened to be "well bred." ;)

 

"She learned how to handle the ball from your daughter, of course. She is so naturally talented. Oh, I saw the petunias you planted and they are coming in so nicely! I would love to design garden beds as lovely as yours. Please tell me your gardening secrets!"

 

"Oh, just blind luck, I guess... By the way, did I hear that your Betsy got accepted to Yale? How wonderful? What kind of test prep did she do?"

 

"Gosh, the standard stuff... Hey, does that cloud look like a rabbit to you?"

 

:lol: I think I will pass. I don't think I could possibly handle the mundane back-and-forth required to exemplify good breeding. :tongue_smilie:

[Alte Veste Academy]

If you are my friends and family - and I mean actual friends, not just acquaintances and family that functions well- I expect that you will be genuinely interested in the truth of my life and that of my family. That will include cheering each other on, celebrating our accomplishments no matter how small or big, shoring each other up in difficult times etc. If I have to stand on "Miss Manners" type formality with you, then you are not part of my inner circle. But if I have to stand on that kind of formality then you won't hear me "bragging" or "whining" either.

 

Precisely, especially the last statement.

[Cassy]

I don't think I've ever noticed anyone bragging about their children. Most of the people I know talk about their children quite generally, the good, the bad, the indifferent, the funny. If their child achieves something impressive I'm thrilled to hear about it. I'm not threatened by it. Generally, the people in my life are fairly easy-going and not overly competitive, so that might make a difference.

 

Cassy

[Rivka]

Oh, what a potentially shallow and unfortunate conversation this would end up becoming if both women happened to be "well bred." ;)

 

"She learned how to handle the ball from your daughter, of course. She is so naturally talented. Oh, I saw the petunias you planted and they are coming in so nicely! I would love to design garden beds as lovely as yours. Please tell me your gardening secrets!"

 

"Oh, just blind luck, I guess... By the way, did I hear that your Betsy got accepted to Yale? How wonderful? What kind of test prep did she do?"

 

"Gosh, the standard stuff... Hey, does that cloud look like a rabbit to you?"

 

:lol: I think I will pass. I don't think I could possibly handle the mundane back-and-forth required to exemplify good breeding. :tongue_smilie:

 

:lol::lol::lol:

 

From now on, I will get myself out of tricky conversations by saying "Hey, does that cloud look like a rabbit to you?"

[Cassy]

Of just talking about oneself and one's family in social settings. I was raised with a clear understanding that well bred women avoid talking about themselves. They don't complain about how hard their lives are, nor do they brag about their children (and yes, even if it is true, it is still bragging).

 

Instead, they show genuine and sustained interest in the people they are talking to. In my experience, the woman at the soccer game didn't need to go on and on about how smart her child is. She could easily have handled the situation by saying. "Yes, we try to get the work done ..... Oh! Is that girl in green your daughter? She handles the ball so well. How did she learn to do that?"

 

:iagree: It doesn't mean avoiding talking about oneself and one's family. It means expressing a positive interest in the other person, making a real effort to get to know them. Obviously when someone asks you about yourself you share your own thoughts and experiences. To imagine otherwise is just silly.

 

Cassy

[myfunnybunch]

Oh, what a potentially shallow and unfortunate conversation this would end up becoming if both women happened to be "well bred." ;)

 

"She learned how to handle the ball from your daughter, of course. She is so naturally talented. Oh, I saw the petunias you planted and they are coming in so nicely! I would love to design garden beds as lovely as yours. Please tell me your gardening secrets!"

 

"Oh, just blind luck, I guess... By the way, did I hear that your Betsy got accepted to Yale? How wonderful? What kind of test prep did she do?"

 

"Gosh, the standard stuff... Hey, does that cloud look like a rabbit to you?"

 

:lol: I think I will pass. I don't think I could possibly handle the mundane back-and-forth required to exemplify good breeding. :tongue_smilie:

 

:lol::lol::lol::lol:

[laundrycrisis]

A little, on occasion and with humility, is fine. There are people who get excessive with it. And I have noticed that some homeschooling parents will discuss very specific types of accomplishments that I suspect parents of kids in school probably never think to discuss with anyone. Also it's good to be sensitive to the situation of the person you are going to speak with. Especially if their child has a delay or struggles greatly in a certain area, it may not feel good for them to hear all about how well your kid is doing in that area.

[Alte Veste Academy]

:iagree: It doesn't mean avoiding talking about oneself and one's family. It means expressing a positive interest in the other person, making a real effort to get to know them. Obviously when someone asks you about yourself you share your own thoughts and experiences. To imagine otherwise is just silly.

 

Cassy

 

Well, I am guilty as charged in the silly department. ;) However, in the example from Danestress, the point was exactly that she was deflecting the conversation from a discussion of her homeschooling, as a means of avoiding the subject.

[Night Elf]

I was on a pregnancy list for both ds15 and dd14. The bragging started as soon as the babies were born. Milestones were all so important. There was one woman who was trying to get the rest of us to agree that her baby was the most gorgeous of all of them even though all babies are cute. She actually said that. I couldn't restrain myself from posting and reminding her that every single one of us thought the very same thing and yet none of us had the audacity to ask others to agree with us. I said I was surprised she actually thought anyone would rise to her request and she acted truly bewildered. She was already planning on trying to get her baby into commercials. Nutty woman. That was all before I ever knew about homeschooling.

[Danestress]

First of all, I don't think that avoiding talking about oneself with acquaintances leads to shallow conversations any more often than comparing reading levels and test scores.

 

But also, I think shallow is ok. I don't think we aim for deep conversations in the stands at a soccer game with the parents of team mates. I think aiming for an entertaining exchange is enough - shallow is fine in that situation. With real friends who already love us and our children, it is different. This was one of those "groups of moms at a sporting event" scenarios. That is different.

 

So using your example, I would hope that the question about petunias might lead to discovering a shared interest in gardening, a conversation about whether any cultivars of lilac have been successful in the area, what nursery each has found most helpful, and an invitation for one woman to come to the other's house for some climatis clippings.

 

Shallow? Maybe. But I do find it refreshing when women talk about something other than mothering, television shows, and housework.

[SJ.]

 

Shallow? Maybe. But I do find it refreshing when women talk about something other than mothering, television shows, and housework.

 

Add exercise, homeschooling, and WTM :tongue_smilie: to that list and you have my life. When you are also a mother or homeschooler or exercise or watch xyz tv show I find it easier to connect with you because we have some common ground. This is the season of my life. One day I may be a little more interesting to talk to. :tongue_smilie:

[2_girls_mommy]

Add exercise, homeschooling, and WTM :tongue_smilie: to that list and you have my life. When you are also a mother or homeschooler or exercise or watch xyz tv show I find it easier to connect with you because we have some common ground. This is the season of my life. One day I may be a little more interesting to talk to. :tongue_smilie:

 

Me too. In the meantime, I will continue talking to my sweet friends about their daily lives: gardening, their jobs, their kids, homeschooling, housewiving, etc.

[Alte Veste Academy]

First of all, I don't think that avoiding talking about oneself with acquaintances leads to shallow conversations any more often than comparing reading levels and test scores.

 

But also, I think shallow is ok. I don't think we aim for deep conversations in the stands at a soccer game with the parents of team mates. I think aiming for an entertaining exchange is enough - shallow is fine in that situation. With real friends who already love us and our children, it is different. This was one of those "groups of moms at a sporting event" scenarios. That is different.

 

So using your example, I would hope that the question about petunias might lead to discovering a shared interest in gardening, a conversation about whether any cultivars of lilac have been successful in the area, what nursery each has found most helpful, and an invitation for one woman to come to the other's house for some climatis clippings.

 

Shallow? Maybe. But I do find it refreshing when women talk about something other than mothering, television shows, and housework.

 

Yes, shallow (AKA small talk) is quite useful at times, especially at introductions. I personally use it long-term only with people I have no interest in getting to know better. :tongue_smilie:

 

I guess I am very lucky, because most of the women I know typically discuss all sorts of interesting topics.

[KidsHappen]

I don't know about other cultures but in America I don't think people view it as bragging at all but more of letting other people know that they are doing a good job as a parent. It shows that they are actively involved in their children's educations and care how they are doing. I know that I personally feel as if I succeeded in my job as a home school mom when all of my children are honors students carrying A's and making the honor role. I taught them well enough to enable them to get to where they are.

[jewellsmommy]

I don't know. I brag about my dc when in their earshot as a way to praise certain behaviors. I have always felt that this was more effective at reinforcing certain positive behaviors. I am quite vocal about the struggles when in private conversation.

[Singingmom]

Oh, what a potentially shallow and unfortunate conversation this would end up becoming if both women happened to be "well bred." ;)

 

"She learned how to handle the ball from your daughter, of course. She is so naturally talented. Oh, I saw the petunias you planted and they are coming in so nicely! I would love to design garden beds as lovely as yours. Please tell me your gardening secrets!"

 

"Oh, just blind luck, I guess... By the way, did I hear that your Betsy got accepted to Yale? How wonderful? What kind of test prep did she do?"

 

"Gosh, the standard stuff... Hey, does that cloud look like a rabbit to you?"

 

:lol: I think I will pass. I don't think I could possibly handle the mundane back-and-forth required to exemplify good breeding. :tongue_smilie:

 

:iagree::iagree::iagree:

[Rosy]

I vote for "American/parent culture". The worst offenders I have met are the preschool moms at the dance studio. There's a difference, in my humble opinion, between mommies who are proud/excited about their kids and mommies who are insecure and looking to one-up each other so they can know for sure that their darling is superior to all other kids.

[Ellie]

It isn't anyone's culture. It's bad manners in any culture.

[jujsky]

What I focus on is how I perceive my children. If I only tell others only how challenging my children are, that's how they...and I...see them.

 

I genuinely enjoy hearing about the accomplishments and successes of the children, and adults, around me. :) I've noticed that my closest friends are happy to celebrate my children's successes and happy to share theirs with me.

 

I think it's a shame that sharing children's accomplishments and successes in normal everyday conversation is so often deemed bragging, but discussing their shortcomings is somehow acceptable.

 

Cat

 

:iagree: I feel the same way. Although you're always going to encounter that parent who truly is bragging (we have one of these at dance and she drives us all crazy!) most of the parents I know aren't like this -- especially among my homeschool friends. We talk about the kids' struggles and accomplishments, and I think we celebrate the accomplishments all the more because of the struggles we have with our children. If one of them finally has a break-through in math or reading, or learns to tie his shoe, or wins an award, or makes it onto a team, we're proud of them too, even if it's not our child.

[cindergretta]

I don't know. I brag about my dc when in their earshot as a way to praise certain behaviors. I have always felt that this was more effective at reinforcing certain positive behaviors. I am quite vocal about the struggles when in private conversation.

 

I totally agree with this and do this, too. I want my dc to overhear me speaking well of them. I would never want them to overhear my venting.

 

Interesting topic. Who gets to decide what is bragging and what is just being proud and wanting to share? Should we not talk about our dc's accomplishments?

 

I also second the poster who asked why we have to over-analyze every little thing that people say and why they say it. Some people are bragging and trying to one up others. We know it when we hear it. No analyzing needed there. Other people are genuinely stoked and proud and want to share with others. We know it when we hear it. No analyzing needed there, either. ;)

 

(I avoid any discussion about child birth. They drive me batty. Women all sitting around trying one up each other with their near death stories and shocking medical interventions OR trying to one up each other with their serene, zen child birth with no pain and everyone softly chanting... :tongue_smilie: )

[stripe]

I have seen some parents like this, but it's usually a very small kid and an only.

 

I have seen parents loudly having their toddler find the "a" or whatever. As I posted earlier this week,

I went to the park last week and someone had written in giant letters in chalk on the sidewalk, "---- was here. She is only four years old. She knows her letters and numbers and can add, subtract, and even read!"

 

I think we've gotten into a lot of fawning over each other in some circles, and some people have (ironically) need to be constantly propped up with enthusiasm.

 

I do think this is an American thing.

 

I sort of find it funny more than anything else.

[ClassicalTwins]

My husband (who does the day to day school operations) met another homeschooling family that started taking guitar lessons from my son's teacher and they are the lesson before. Some quick small talk about the kids, somehow they got to homeschooling. He asked if they ever did any activites with any of the groups. The mom quickly said no, her son (also 8 or 9) reads on an 8th grade level and she didn't want him around kids his own age :001_huh:. Now, she doesn't even speak to my hubby or kids as they come and go from their lesson. Weird??

[Hope44]

I would call that strange and rude. I've had similar experiences. To me, as far as shallow conversation, it is very difficult to dig deep and long with those who take every opportunity to turn it into a "praise report" about their children.

 

Make no mistake. As mentioned before, I have no problem with the true stellar moments thankful people share. However, when it is the same ones week in and week out AND they feel the need to dismiss others or have no emotion for others' achievements, I have a problem with feeling a "deep connection" is going to occur and tend to put up some boundaries. I think those are truly shallow conversations.

[Crimson Wife]

My husband (who does the day to day school operations) met another homeschooling family that started taking guitar lessons from my son's teacher and they are the lesson before. Some quick small talk about the kids, somehow they got to homeschooling. He asked if they ever did any activites with any of the groups. The mom quickly said no, her son (also 8 or 9) reads on an 8th grade level and she didn't want him around kids his own age :001_huh:. Now, she doesn't even speak to my hubby or kids as they come and go from their lesson. Weird??

 

Bizarre. I know plenty of kids who read at a jr. high level (or higher) in elementary and it's irrelevant when it comes to anything purely social. Okay, I can see deciding to pass on a co-op class or a book club because of the advanced reading level, but social activities? :001_huh: