Is this too much responsibility for a 9 year old boy?

[Halcyon]

Okay, so we told DS9 he could play inline hockey this year, under one condition. HE was responsible for his gear, HE was responsible for making sure everything was in the bag when he went to, and left from, practice and games. HE was responsible for putting dirty uniforms in the laundry. We were very clear about his responsibility, and he agreed to this condition.

 

So far in the last 3 weeks, he has:

1. Misplaced a glove moments before the game started. He'd left it at home. Yes, I reminded him the night before to make sure his bag was packed.

2. For practice last week, he forgot his stick, his gloves AND his skates (:confused:). I happened to stop by practice to see how he was doing (this was before I knew he had forgotten anything, as DH dropped him off) to find him in tears because he couldn't find an extra glove in the practice room (he'd dug up an old pair of skates and someone lent him a stick). I helped him look but told him again, that it was his responsibiltiy. Then I ended up going home and finding his skates for him :blushing: I just felt so badly for him-it's his absolute favorite time of the week. Oh, and I had already told him if he didn't get his homework done in afterschool, and done WELL, he would have to skip practice, and he DID do his work well, so I felt it would have been really unfair to have him miss practice.

3. He misplaced his sneakers at the gym and we had to miss another outing while we looked for them.

4. Completely lost his expensive cup and special underwear (don't know what this is called) and he will be paying for it.

 

Am I asking too much for him to be responsible for his gear? I really, really don't like running around looking for his missing items, particularly when it's last minute. I even made a laminated checklist for the outside of his bag, so he can make sure he has everything. It hasn't worked, clearly.

Edited March 3, 2012 by Halcyon

[Slipper]

I don't think that is too much responsibility, however, I've found with my kids that I have to TEACH them how to be responsible.

 

It might be beneficial to set up reminders to put his clothes in the dirty clothes area, make a special place for all his clean stuff (we used a large duffel bag for each of the girls sports or activities and they knew they could find their clean stuff in that bag or they put it away there after practice), etc. We've also used checklists.

 

I have bailed them out ONCE on things when they mess up. But after that, as much as it hurts me (and them), they are on their own. I will bail them out if their problem affects others (for example, if they couldn't play then the team would have to forfeit the game).

 

He's old enough. Find a system that works for him and do it. :) These are life lessons and will benefit him in the future.

[Halcyon]

I don't think that is too much responsibility, however, I've found with my kids that I have to TEACH them how to be responsible.

 

It might be beneficial to set up reminders to put his clothes in the dirty clothes area, make a special place for all his clean stuff (we used a large duffel bag for each of the girls sports or activities and they knew they could find their clean stuff in that bag or they put it away there after practice), etc. We've also used checklists.

 

I have bailed them out ONCE on things when they mess up. But after that, as much as it hurts me (and them), they are on their own. I will bail them out if their problem affects others (for example, if they couldn't play then the team would have to forfeit the game).

 

He's old enough. Find a system that works for him and do it. :) These are life lessons and will benefit him in the future.

 

Thanks. I have helped him, HAVE set up reminders, he uses a large red bag for all his gear (that I attached a laminated card to). I told him last time (when he forgot his skates and was in tears) that next time, he would have to miss practice. What if he forgets his stuff for a game? Would you make him not play, even if that affects the team as a whole?

[SailorMom]

Hey - as long as you've set up reminders - I think he's old enough.

Better for him to learn the consequences of being unprepared now, when it really isn't that big of a deal, than when he gets older.

[Julie Smith]

Why is the gear coming out of his bag when he gets home? We don't play hockey but we do have skating gear for the three of us. I have a giant bag for it all and after skating the bag gets packed and it does not get opened again till we are the rink the following week for skating.

[Halcyon]

Why is the gear coming out of his bag when he gets home? We don't play hockey but we do have skating gear for the three of us. I have a giant bag for it all and after skating the bag gets packed and it does not get opened again till we are the rink the following week for skating.

 

He skates around the neighbourhood, and also skates at the rink during afterschool and Saturday afternoons. So his skates come out of the bag for that. His stick is too big to fit in the bag, so it's leaned against the wall right next to his bag. His shirt, shorts, pants and socks are washed each time, and I give them to him when they're washed to put back in his bag. And I have no idea how the glove got out of the bag. Sneaky thing.

[Slipper]

Thanks. I have helped him, HAVE set up reminders, he uses a large red bag for all his gear (that I attached a laminated card to). I told him last time (when he forgot his skates and was in tears) that next time, he would have to miss practice. What if he forgets his stuff for a game? Would you make him not play, even if that affects the team as a whole?

 

No, not if it affected the team as a whole, I wouldn't punish him.

 

I would (after every practice), remind him to put his things away (and the first few times I would stand there and watch him). I also would (the night before or few hours before, whatever works) tell him to go check his bag to make sure everything he needs is inside (and stand over him).

 

The first few times is hard because it takes up a lot of your time. However, it's the only way I've found to teach my kids anything. And I've also found that after NOT watching a few times, sometimes they slip (which is when I enforce the consequences). After enough rounds of watching and not-watching, at some point they get it.

 

It seems like I have a lot of things in rotation here. :) Some are things that are going well, some are just learning, some are re-learning. We don't have a ton of activities, but we typically have something every season so I understand the frustration. There are also times when I've bought duplicates (if they weren't expensive) just to keep the frustration level low.

[JudoMom]

My boys are responsible for their Judo gis. It's been a long time since we've left anything at the dojo, but I used to have to do gi checks before we left the dojo. We've been doing Judo for 6.5 years, so they've had lots and lots of practice of putting their gis in their bags. The last person to leave a uniform part at home was me....I left my brown belt at home and had to borrow a white belt :blushing:.

 

All this to say, help the boy if he needs it until he gets a system down.

[jennynd]

I think he might just getting used to his new routines? When DS just started new school year. He forgot his planner/folders/hats...etc It does get better when he get used to the routine.

I will keep remind him for few weeks and if not improved, I will tell him that he will have to use his allowable to get new stuff if he loss it and he can't play if he forget something. And no, you are not asking too much

[Julie Smith]

He skates around the neighbourhood, and also skates at the rink during afterschool and Saturday afternoons. So his skates come out of the bag for that. His stick is too big to fit in the bag, so it's leaned against the wall right next to his bag. His shirt, shorts, pants and socks are washed each time, and I give them to him when they're washed to put back in his bag. And I have no idea how the glove got out of the bag. Sneaky thing.

 

I must admit I'm bad about putting things back in my bag if I have to take them out for some reason. (My skating helmet is really my down hill skiing helmet). What I do is when something comes out of the bag I lock the bag to the table it's stored near with a note saying what is missing. :) Then I can't pick up the bag and leave without my stuff.

 

For my hockey sticks they are only a bit longer than my bag. So when I get home I stick them in my bag and leave them sticking out the top. And if they leave the bag for a game of street hockey, I lock the bag to the table and leave a note saying "sticks".

 

We don't have any equipment we have to wash except my extra fluffy socks I like to wear with my skates. But I have more than one pair so I don't take out a pair to wash unless I have another pair to put in right away.

[Slipper]

Something that sounds really silly, but was really effective with my daughter was to use clothes pins on her stuff. She was always forgetting to take things to school (homework, snack, etc). I wrote item names on clothespins (lunch, homework, etc) and clipped them to her backpack after school. The night before (and sometimes *sigh* in the morning), she would check things off as she unclipped the clothespins. It helped build the habit for checking things.

[Carpe]

I say give him 5 or 10 times where you go through all the steps with him and then he's on his own And I would let him miss a game if he didn't bring his equipment. I have the same rule for my husband. :lol:

 

It's always the gloves. Always. He keeps a spare pair in the car just in case.

[JudoMom]

Something that sounds really silly, but was really effective with my daughter was to use clothes pins on her stuff. She was always forgetting to take things to school (homework, snack, etc). I wrote item names on clothespins (lunch, homework, etc) and clipped them to her backpack after school. The night before (and sometimes *sigh* in the morning), she would check things off as she unclipped the clothespins. It helped build the habit for checking things.

 

That's a great idea :001_smile:.

[Trilliums]

I don't think you should have to help him every single time, but if he needs help it should be available.

 

My 9th grader needs help sometimes with sports gear. But, he does an excellent job organizing and keeping track of school work. I do not worry about him failing to ever learn how to be organized.

[ZooRho]

If this was his first year. yes too much.

 

I had a swimmer that needed equipment, alright not much but he grew into what he needed.

 

he started swimming year round at 7 I helped him with his stuff, but he gradually got more intependent with it so by 9 he did it for his practices but I still helped with packing his bag for meets.

[Jean in Newcastle]

I do think it is too much responsibility. I think that there should be a checklist that he is taught to go over the day before. I don't do the actual work at that age but I am there to make sure that it is actually done, instead of waiting to just hear that "I did it".

[Dmmetler]

I am working on making my DD 7 responsible for making sure she has what she needs for a specific class. I figure that if she were in public school in 1st/2nd grade, the teacher probably wouldn't be checking everyone's backpack before they leave school, and that the consequence of having to do tap in ballet slippers because she forgot to pack her tap shoes is probably better to be learned now.

 

I DO, however, make sure that I've checked everything she needs for performances and cheer competitions. It's one thing to have to wear your ballet shoes for tap class one week, or to have to watch because you forgot your leotard-and another to not be allowed on the mat for cheer competition at all because you forgot your bodysuit (having even ONE member out of full uniform can get a team disqualified from competition-so coaches are NOT merciful at all).

[Truscifi]

Ds8 is responsible for his sparring gear, and his uniform and belt (I have reminders set up and he is allowed to keep his gear bag and belt packed in the back of the car). It has taken some practice, but he is finally getting there on everything except his belt. Sensei told him recently that since he is now in the advanced class (which is supposed to be the role model class for the lower belts) he will have to sit out if he forgets his belt. It has only happened once, but it made a big impact. And I made him stay and watch the whole class too. I'm a big meanie like that.

 

So I would say he is old enough with help and guidance, but I would make him miss practice if he fails to get there with all his gear. I don't know about an actual game - karate isn't so much a team sport, so I haven't had to deal with that one.

[Meriwether]

From other posts, I gather that your son is responsible, hard-working, and tries to please you. If he keeps forgetting or misplacing things, it is too much responsibility for him right now whether it ought to be or not. I'd continue to help until habits were formed.

Edited March 3, 2012 by Meriwether

[Xilka]

Okay, so we told DS9 he could play inline hockey this year, under one condition. HE was responsible for his gear, HE was responsible for making sure everything was in the bag when he went to, and left from, practice and games. HE was responsible for putting dirty uniforms in the laundry. We were very clear about his responsibility, and he agreed to this condition.

 

So far in the last 3 weeks, he has:

1. Misplaced a glove moments before the game started. He'd left it at home. Yes, I reminded him the night before to make sure his bag was packed.

2. For practice last week, he forgot his stick, his gloves AND his skates (:confused:). I happened to stop by practice to see how he was doing (this was before I knew he had forgotten anything, as DH dropped him off) to find him in tears because he couldn't find an extra glove in the practice room (he'd dug up an old pair of skates and someone lent him a stick). I helped him look but told him again, that it was his responsibiltiy. Then I ended up going home and finding his skates for him :blushing: I just felt so badly for him-it's his absolute favorite time of the week. Oh, and I had already told him if he didn't get his homework done in afterschool, and done WELL, he would have to skip practice, and he DID do his work well, so I felt it would have been really unfair to have him miss practice.

3. He misplaced his sneakers at the gym and we had to miss another outing while we looked for them.

4. Completely lost his expensive cup and special underwear (don't know what this is called) and he will be paying for it.

 

Our ds9s must be cosmic twins.

 

I don't think it's too much responsibility because Icould have handled it when I was 9.

Then again, my dh is 39 and still loses his own head sometimes.

 

I think it's a good exercise to make them responsible for things like that, if you can afford it.

 

Supposedly, my son is responsible for bringing the soccer ball in from the yard so that it doesn't get stolen.

We've already lost 2 balls this year, and I can't help but double check that he's brought it in now.

But I should just let him deal with the consequences.

[Bluegoat]

No, but it takes practice to be able to do it. it's natural that it will take some time for him to become reliable and keep everything he needs to do in mind.

 

He may have to forget everything once before he starts to check every time.

[Ester Maria]

Old enough.

 

You seem to be handling it the way I would be likely handling it, though, with a bit more grace at the beginning and the first screw ups along the way :D, but yes, ultimately - old enough. Not to make a big deal out of it, but old enough to be responsible for his things and organization. I think experiences like that are actually a good practice.

[Jilly]

From other posts, I gather that your son is responsible, hard-working, and tries to please you. If he keeps forgetting or misplacing things, it is too much responsibility for him right now whether it ought to be or not. I'd continue to help until habits were formed.

 

:iagree:

[Halcyon]

From other posts, I gather that your son is responsible, hard-working, and tries to please you. If he keeps forgetting or misplacing things, it is too much responsibility for him right now whether it ought to be or not. I'd continue to help until habits were formed.

 

Thanks. He tends to be scatterbrained about his belongings (hey! Just like his dad LOL) so I think you're right. I will focus on instilling good habits and hope it clicks.

 

We did this when he was younger with his TKD gear, and it took about a year before he got good at remembering his stuff (he was 7). So I thought by now he'd learn, but I think he needs a refresher course :)

[Bluegoat]

I didn't get over being scatterbrained about my things myself until I joined the army. In fact, I still lose items pretty regularly.

[Halcyon]

Does he put his things back in the bag as soon as he comes in from the activity using them? If not, it may help to keep a rubbermaid container on the front porch to put all sports equipment into on entry. That means only one place to look besides the bag.

 

He does, but he takes skates and helmet out to go skating at other times during the week, plus he seems to forget to put his newly washed uniform back in the bag. I sometimes do it for him, but when I don't, I want him to be able to look in the bag before leaving and say, "hey, I need to get my uniform."

[Mommy22alyns]

From other posts, I gather that your son is responsible, hard-working, and tries to please you. If he keeps forgetting or misplacing things, it is too much responsibility for him right now whether it ought to be or not. I'd continue to help until habits were formed.

 

 

I agree with this.

 

I still put everything out for Rebecca for gymnastics, but she's responsible for her water bottle. So far, she's forgotten it at home and forgotten it at the gym. Maybe it's the age? :confused: Or maybe it's the kid. Sylvia can do simple things like get her pj's in the dirties or put her bowl in the sink, but Rebecca seems to need constant prodding.

[Laura Corin]

One of my kids could have done it easily at the age. The other would have needed a lot of help to move towards it. I have found that the habits have taken a lot of time to settle in with that child, but he's doing a lot better this year than last. It's been worth taking the time to help him succeed in maintaining good habits.

 

Laura

[Beach Mom]

We have very similar rules for our 9 and 10 yo boys when they play lacrosse and football. One had to sit out a game a few weeks ago because we got to the arena and he didn't have his jersey. I felt bad for him, but I think it helped, he has been more careful with his gear since then. Ours use their lacrosse gear to play in the neighborhood and the same with their football gloves and balls.

 

We do ask them before we leave the house, do you have your cup, jersey, gloves, pads, helmets, water etc. Are you sure? We give them a bag to keep everything in, we hang the clean jersey back with the rest of the gear for them. IMO if they are going to play, they have to learn to keep track of their gear. We are lucky to have coachs that help enforce this notion.

"Boys, it is your responsibility to put your gear back in your bags."

 

I don't think you are asking to much, but boys can be forgetful and some of these sports requires more than just a ball - it can be a pain, but it is a learning experience.

 

Hang in there!

[NanceXToo]

You know, I think family should just help each other out. Your son probably has his strong points (it's been alluded to here that he's otherwise responsible, hard-working and tries to please you). But one of his weaknesses is that he's a little scatterbrained, like his dad you say. It's something that right now he can't help. Maybe he can't help it because of his age, or maybe it's just one of his personality traits.

 

I don't think the answer is to go, "Well, too bad, you're on your own then."

 

I think that's a little spiteful. I'm not saying YOU are spiteful, I think you're well-meaning. But by nature, it IS kind of a spiteful thing, and I think it would be better to just do what you can do to help him out instead, because that would be a nice thing to do. If that means the night before or whenever going, "Hey, I need you to go get this, this, and that, and put them in this bag," then do it, and watch that he does it. It won't take you very long, you'll be ensuring that he does it, (he'll still be the one physically doing it), he'll get to enjoy his sport, he won't miss out on anything, you'll have helped your son out, he'll still have physically followed the routine of doing what he needed to do, even though you had to tell him what to do and when and watched that he did it.

 

He probably helps you out in other ways, right? Families play to each others strengths and weaknesses and pitch in and help each other out and I just don't see anything wrong with that. I don't think you really have to fear that he won't be able to do anything for himself when he's grown because you reminded him more and helped him more when he was 9. :)

[higginszoo]

My kids are responsible for their TaeKwonDo gear and uniforms -- down to the 7 year old, since she was 5. If the instructor makes them sit out practice for not having something, well, that usually makes an impression and I don't have problems with that child forgetting anything for a long while.

 

You remind him the night before and have given him a checklist. IMO that is totally age-appropriate, and I wouldn't bail him out, but let him learn a lesson watching practice when he forgets things -- unless a really unusual circumstance comes up where missing gear is truly out of his control.

[Sahamamama]

I would (after every practice), remind him to put his things away (and the first few times I would stand there and watch him). I also would (the night before or few hours before, whatever works) tell him to go check his bag to make sure everything he needs is inside (and stand over him).

 

The first few times is hard because it takes up a lot of your time. However, it's the only way I've found to teach my kids anything. And I've also found that after NOT watching a few times, sometimes they slip (which is when I enforce the consequences). After enough rounds of watching and not-watching, at some point they get it.

 

:iagree: Slipper, this is such good advice, thank you for posting it. We are working on a "get routinely out the door with everything" system here, too (not for sports, for something else). I've found that I have to do all these steps, also. My oldest daughter is only 7 years old, but if we keep the steps consistent and simplify the process as much as possible, it's nice to see how much of it she can handle. We also color-code our stuff, so each child has responsibility for her own belongings and backpack.

 

I agree, though, my reminders and teaching are what starts to make some part of it independent and automatic. Not just wanting it to be so, LOL! :D :lol:

[Catherine]

But I do think that what he's having is a wonderful learning experience. He's going to find the motivation to plan ahead which is a vitally important life skill. DON'T solve his problems for him. He agreed to it, he's finding he needs to plan better and keep track of his things better.

 

Don't imagine my kids have this all figured out-not by a long shot. But the sooner you start (I learned form experience) the sooner he will begin to figure it out.

[Melinda in VT]

With a laminated list and parental reminder the night before, it seems like a reasonable expectation, but I wouldn't expect a nine year old to be able to execute flawlessly.

 

I'm basing this on my experience with my kids needing to pack downhill skiing gear. By nine, they were responsible for packing their own bags, but only one of mine was able to remember to do so on his own. Same with bringing their skis up from the basement in the morning. They did it, but sometimes needed a reminder.

[SweetMissMagnolia]

I agree-maybe he needs to be shown how to be responsible...I know my 9yr old couldn't handle that on his own.....but he's a little immature for his age

[woolybear]

Hmmm....not sure I have a definite opinion on this, but kind of talking out loud here. I have had quite a lot of jobs where I supervise others. They are responsible for certain things, but I am responsible for making sure it gets done. If something doesn't get done, ultimately it is my responsibility. Therefore, beyond systems for making sure things get done (they check) I usually double check them before said items are needed. If someone does not have something they should have, they still have to work that day.:D They also are not fired. I gently point out the missing item and ask if they need help (are behind). I also ask first if everything is ready. Of course, these are adults, but I think maybe it could go something like this:

--ask your ds if he has everything for hockey an hour or two before he has to go. Maybe even do this in the morning.

--Then, you double check. If everything is not there, you help him to get it together.

--If you want him to take full responsibility, then you say something like you will continue to help him for the next week or so. After that, it is his responsibility. So, you still double check and if he is missing something, some other privilege can be taken away.

--Eventually, don't double check and he can deal with the natural consequences.

 

??Just some thoughts. Clearly, I'm still working on similar issues here, though we seem to have gotten the gear thing down. As I recall, hockey has mucho gear though. Let us know what you work out.

Edited March 3, 2012 by woolybear
didn't quite make sense

[Guest]

Awww, poor baby! I know he's old enough, but as others said, I think you are going to have to teach him how to make sure everything is there and supervise for a little bit. Make sure he goes over the checklist before leaving. Make time for that.

[NatashainDFW]

Can I make a suggestion? When DS was playing football I had a gear list laminated thickly and attached to his gear bag. At first it was just a small picture of each item because he wasn't reading yet. Even at 4 he could look at the picture and look in his bag to see if the items where there. I reminded him dutifully before bed the day before practice to check his bag. Of course at first I helped him check but by halfway through the season he was easily able to make sure everything was there. I washed his gear and sat it on the dryer and he would stick it in the bag. At 9 a simple list for him to check off the night before with a small reminder from you to go through the list should be more than sufficient.

[Ann]

Then I am asking to much from my almost 8 year old. He is expected to make sure his hockey bag is together and to get stuff to me to wash. That being said I do find myself reminding him most of the time.

[LeslieAnneLevine]

I really, really don't like running around looking for his missing items, particularly when it's last minute.

 

I can't do this at the last minute either. Have him get the stuff ready earlier in the day (or the night before if it's a morning activity) and then you can check everything is there well before it's time to leave.

 

I don't think it's unreasonable to help him every time, especially since it's going to cause problems for him and annoy you when he forgets/loses something. I think it's great he's helping prepare and keep track of his stuff and there's no reason it can't be a gradual process. He needs some back-up for now.

[ma23peas]

Thanks. I have helped him, HAVE set up reminders, he uses a large red bag for all his gear (that I attached a laminated card to). I told him last time (when he forgot his skates and was in tears) that next time, he would have to miss practice. What if he forgets his stuff for a game? Would you make him not play, even if that affects the team as a whole?

 

I think you are being too hard and expecting too much, you have managed to make a very fun and beneficial part of a child's life a stressful, demanding element in his life. A child should never be in tears over forgetting skates, those tears came because you have put so much pressure on him. At this point in his life, he should feel that you support him through love, encouragement and help him find his way to responsibility. Your conditions are going to make him fret, be anxious and doubt his love for a great activity. Telling him he has to miss practices is threatening not loving. No, I would never make him not play, I would tenderly hug him, explain that we all have an off day, do everything in my power to go back and get them, have Dad rush them over and encourage him that you are so proud of him.

I would backtrack, apologize to him for being too demanding, explain that even moms make mistakes and do not be surprised if taking that position makes him respect you even more and he wants to please you bc he loves you not bc he fears you...no mom is perfect, I have had to backtrack many times...my kids respect me for it...do it out of love, not micro parenting...

[spaceman]

My vote is to give him complete autonomy over this. It sends mixed messages, and makes him dependent on you, if you are doling out reminders and/or bailing him out.

 

I would comfort him though (and never lecture), when he forgets things.

[ajbmom]

I think it would be appropriate to make him a checklist (then have it laminated where he can use a dry erase marker every time). Then, you just need to say, "Check your list!". After this, then yes, I think he should be responsible for his things. My son recently forgot his cup for sparring at karate testing. I specifically asked him before we left if he had it and he said he did, but did not check. Unfortunately (or fortunately), he had to use HIS money to buy a new cup on the spot at the dojo. Nice lesson for him. Now he checks his bag. He's 11y/o.

[CLBMom]

No, not if it affected the team as a whole, I wouldn't punish him.

 

I would (after every practice), remind him to put his things away (and the first few times I would stand there and watch him). I also would (the night before or few hours before, whatever works) tell him to go check his bag to make sure everything he needs is inside (and stand over him).

 

The first few times is hard because it takes up a lot of your time. However, it's the only way I've found to teach my kids anything. And I've also found that after NOT watching a few times, sometimes they slip (which is when I enforce the consequences). After enough rounds of watching and not-watching, at some point they get it.

 

It seems like I have a lot of things in rotation here. :) Some are things that are going well, some are just learning, some are re-learning. We don't have a ton of activities, but we typically have something every season so I understand the frustration.There are also times when I've bought duplicates (if they weren't expensive) just to keep thefrustration level low.

 

:iagree:

My ds10 plays baseball and this is pretty much exactly how it works for us.

[Melissa in Australia]

No, not if it affected the team as a whole, I wouldn't punish him.

 

I would (after every practice), remind him to put his things away (and the first few times I would stand there and watch him). I also would (the night before or few hours before, whatever works) tell him to go check his bag to make sure everything he needs is inside (and stand over him).

 

The first few times is hard because it takes up a lot of your time. However, it's the only way I've found to teach my kids anything. And I've also found that after NOT watching a few times, sometimes they slip (which is when I enforce the consequences). After enough rounds of watching and not-watching, at some point they get it.

 

It seems like I have a lot of things in rotation here. :) Some are things that are going well, some are just learning, some are re-learning. We don't have a ton of activities, but we typically have something every season so I understand the frustration. There are also times when I've bought duplicates (if they weren't expensive) just to keep the frustration level low.

:iagree::iagree:

 

I didn't vote.

 

I think it is too much responsibility to just dump onto a child. They need training, and after a couple of months, they will have it down pat. then it wouldn't be too much responsibility.

 

As an organiser and referee of team sport (Basketabll). I get really ANOYED when parents disadvantage the whole teem just as a punishment to their child.

[Splinter]

My 9 year old is responsible for all his own (ice) hockey gear and hasn't forgotten anything all season. He often gets a ride with a friend, so I'm not always around to check his bag when he's leaving. But, he's been playing for 5 years and we've worked up to this. Last season, he'd pack his bag and I'd check it right before I put it in the truck.

 

If I were you, I'd make him responsible for packing the bag, but whoever is driving him should do a final check before getting in the car.

[Mommy22alyns]

I can't do this at the last minute either. Have him get the stuff ready earlier in the day (or the night before if it's a morning activity) and then you can check everything is there well before it's time to leave.

 

I don't think it's unreasonable to help him every time, especially since it's going to cause problems for him and annoy you when he forgets/loses something. I think it's great he's helping prepare and keep track of his stuff and there's no reason it can't be a gradual process. He needs some back-up for now.

 

 

Yes, this too! I always put out everything my girls need for gymnastics well before we have to leave or get ready.

[eternalknot]

I've BTDT, and completely understand the frustration.

 

We have five kids doing multiple extracurriculars, and logistics demand that they all have/keep their stuff together. Many times we're leaving from one kid's game straight to another kid's game, without stopping at home. I travel for work, so sometimes the kids have to have their gear ready to go a day ahead of time because they'll be spending the night at -and leaving to practice from- my sister's. Add to this, I'm naturally scattered and disorganized; if I can remember to get each kid where they need to be, that's pretty well exhausted my mental capabilities LOL. I can't keep up with everyone's individual needs and gear, too. My head would implode.

 

All that to say, the rule here is: You own your extra-curricular.

 

At the beginning of each season I fill out a monthly mega-calendar with each extracurricular's schedule, color-coordinated by kid, and hang it in a prominent place. I also make out a weekly schedule (M-F) that is posted in the laundry room; this is where we keep everyone's gear, including all shoes (we're Asian and leave them by the garage door upon entering). There's no missing this weekly schedule. There's no excuse to forget any gear because at any given time you have two places to check what's on the agenda for today, tomorrow, and any day this week and month.

 

I do give the "We're leaving in 10 minutes!" round-up call, which they're now trained to get to the laundry room to gather their things. When I give the "5 minutes!" yell, they should have all of their gear together and be putting on their shoes - ready to walk out the door by the time I make it to the laundry room. (We have an extra fridge in the laundry room that is stocked with waters; they're responsible for grabbing a water for their sports, too.)

 

We still forget stuff, though. Organizational skills is a process, not an overnight success. This is especially true of some personality types (like mine!) in which there truly is an inexplicable brain fart complex happening that might appear to be laziness, but truly isn't always! I've done the battle yell to round everyone up, and met the kids at the car only to discover I've forgotten my keys inside. I'm a list person; I need a list. It's why I make the calendars for my kids.

 

I like the idea you got about laminating a checklist for him. Along those lines, I keep a separate hamper just for sports/scout clothing. The kids wash these loads themselves, and they don't get lost in the regular laundry pile (which is washed as-needed and not on any schedule). It's taken several seasons, but the kids are now (mostly) to the point where they'll put everything back into their designated bags as soon as we walk in the door. Things that need washing (cups!) get washed immediately, no excuses - even if you have to pee, even if it's past bedtime, even if your drive-thru dinner is getting cold. It gets washed then/there, and placed to dry in the laundry room - usually in the respective bag (left open to air out). Shin guards get aired out by velcroing them to their bag, so that they're still attached if you forget later to put them back in. MMA gloves are tied to their bag for the same reason. This addresses OP issue #4.

 

If one of the boys was having a problem remembering (OP issues #1), I might make part of the learning process to be a check. It'd be a PITB on my end, but maybe a worthwhile one in the long run. He'd have a checklist to work off of, okay - show me your gear. Lay it out. Once I OK it, you can pack it back up. I'm in this stage now with my 6 year old :)

 

I also make a habit to keep extras on hand in my car. At any given time I have an extra change of clothes, sports socks, gloves, pads, and cups. They may not be a perfect fit, but they're there in a pinch! The boys always get gift cards to athletic stores for holiday gifts, and they've collectively built up a little stash over the years.

 

As for OP issue #3, ... that stinks. We buy inexpensive flip flops and generally wear those to/from games and practices. We keep a few extra pairs in each car, and a pair in each sports bag. The super cheap ones, and we replace them every season or two, as needed. The alternative is to tie the tennies onto his skate bag. My daughter hates flip flops so this is what she does; they've yet to get lost.

 

I don't think you're asking too much; I just think you're expecting too much, too soon. It's a learning process, and some of us take longer than others to master the art of organization :D!

[Annie G]

Our kids don't do sports but they do musical theater. We have kids as young as 8 in our group and they have up to about 15 costume pieces- they have to be fully dressed or they are pulled from a scene. These kids learn to keep track of their things because they don't want to miss performing. Yesterday I saw an 8 year old standing in the wings during a song because she wasn't dressed in time. She wasn't crying or complaining- and two hours later when the next show ran, she made EVERY scene.

 

I wouldn't throw more at a kid than he can handle but if the OP thinks the boy can be responsible for the equipment, then he probably can.

[golfcartmama]

I think that you need to teach him to do it, but I don't think it's too much to ask. Tell him to make checklist...ask me how I know...my son ds9 plays hockey. His coach even tells the team THEY are responsible for every piece of equipment and being ready for their parents to bring them to practice/games on time/early. He does well for the most part, it's always the under armour that gets him. I do stand and have him double check his bag before we close the garage door though, so I guess I'm still helping.